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Cheating men on Fab....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I don't know about you guys, but I am just not cool with it.
I know they "have good reasons" for it but... I dunno, just never sits right with me. |
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I wouldn't touch them with someone else's  |
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By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
Just don't let it get the better of you.
Let them Carry on with whatever.
Stay true to you, that's what makes you different x |
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By *batMan
over a year ago
Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales) |
Is it just cheating men that bothers you or everyone cheating?
Gbat |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Is it just cheating men that bothers you or everyone cheating?
Gbat "
Oh not just men, it is cheating in general. Just seems to be more men on here who admit to doing it.
I just feel for the unknowing partner at home. |
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"Is it just cheating men that bothers you or everyone cheating?
Gbat "
Anyone that lies to and cheats on their partner is not someone I want anything to do with |
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Men/women either way not into cheats, if they have that little respect for the person they supposedly love what respect could I expect as a meet.
Swinging is for fun, not to ruin someone's life.
Mrs |
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By *rder66Man
over a year ago
Tatooine |
There is no good reason to cheat and lie. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Men/women either way not into cheats, if they have that little respect for the person they supposedly love what respect could I expect as a meet.
Swinging is for fun, not to ruin someone's life.
Mrs "
Exactly this! |
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My wife cheated on me whilst I was a stay at home Dad. She then wanted me to move out so she could move him in.
Take a guess on my views over those that cheat ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would never willingly participate in cheating. I like to think the people I've met over the years have all been honest, but that possibility is definitely there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cheats are a massive no for me. Each to their own. But I wont go there, don't care their reasons for it |
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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire/Northwest |
Dont really care its not our business. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I would never willingly participate in cheating. I like to think the people I've met over the years have all been honest, but that possibility is definitely there. "
Well yeah, I might have unknowingly participated, and that isn't my fault. But to knowingly do it is not something I can do.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me either. My ex husband did it a lot throughout our marriage. I'm really not into doing anything like that. |
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LOL Strange world we live in.
Always the Couples and Single females who say they hate it. But I think I know more woman that cheat on their partners than men do and I've been in the swinging world for many many years. Both as a swinging couple and now as a single guy.
Seems the only difference is that men tend to be honest in their profile, well about that anyway lol, where the couples and females tend to lie about it lol. Cheating is one thing but for me its the hypocrites of this lifestyle that makes me shake my head.
Just live your lifestyle and not worry about anything else. |
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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire/Northwest |
"LOL Strange world we live in.
Always the Couples and Single females who say they hate it. But I think I know more woman that cheat on their partners than men do and I've been in the swinging world for many many years. Both as a swinging couple and now as a single guy.
Seems the only difference is that men tend to be honest in their profile, well about that anyway lol, where the couples and females tend to lie about it lol. Cheating is one thing but for me its the hypocrites of this lifestyle that makes me shake my head.
Just live your lifestyle and not worry about anything else."
So true, we've chatted to women in clubs who have been there alone or with another guy and they've said their hubby/partner has no idea and Nobody bats an eyelid, its all 'good for you' etc. Guy does it and its 'the bastard' etc   |
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Yeah I dont do cheaters, not fair on other half to be risking things they don't know about. Like they have a right to know if they need testing for sti's. I think in a way it's sexual abuse. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"LOL Strange world we live in.
Always the Couples and Single females who say they hate it. But I think I know more woman that cheat on their partners than men do and I've been in the swinging world for many many years. Both as a swinging couple and now as a single guy.
Seems the only difference is that men tend to be honest in their profile, well about that anyway lol, where the couples and females tend to lie about it lol. Cheating is one thing but for me its the hypocrites of this lifestyle that makes me shake my head.
Just live your lifestyle and not worry about anything else.
So true, we've chatted to women in clubs who have been there alone or with another guy and they've said their hubby/partner has no idea and Nobody bats an eyelid, its all 'good for you' etc. Guy does it and its 'the bastard' etc "
As I meet mainly men, that is why my post is directed at them. Personally I have an issue with anyone who is cheating. I would think just as badly of a woman doing it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it's clear they are then I'm not interested. If it's a grey area due to chatting to someone in a club, or they're presenting as single when not. Then I have limited control over that...
However, the number of times in the past that I've had a group chat with a cpl, and then the male has tried to establish a side chat has been fairly high. Plus I've also had the experience of remaining friends with a solo fwb from a couple. And it clearly turned out they had not spoken to their partner about us resuming a connection
I guess in an ideal world swinging with a partner's consent would rule it out. But apparently it doesn't sometimes. It's all fairly depressing when you scratch beneath the surface on occasion |
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"LOL Strange world we live in.
Always the Couples and Single females who say they hate it. But I think I know more woman that cheat on their partners than men do and I've been in the swinging world for many many years. Both as a swinging couple and now as a single guy.
Seems the only difference is that men tend to be honest in their profile, well about that anyway lol, where the couples and females tend to lie about it lol. Cheating is one thing but for me its the hypocrites of this lifestyle that makes me shake my head.
Just live your lifestyle and not worry about anything else."
I'm not surprised your single with that attitude. Men don't tend to be honest at all, your just saying that because your offended. Move on. |
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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire/Northwest |
"
Men don't tend to be honest at all."
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By *elboy1957Man
over a year ago
Weston-super-Mare |
It's ok cheating and be jack the lad, but if you get cheated on they'll soon change their tune |
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By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
this is why as soon as im in a relationship my account gets deleted.
nothing worse than temptation and the person your in too not trusting you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Men don't tend to be honest at all.
"
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If they want to admit they are cheating im fine with it.
At least there honest enough to say so and if anyone wants to play with that scene thats up to them.
But you will always find those that will lie, just to get laid.
Its not for me, I wouldnt like it done to me so dont do it to others. |
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By *nmkinkCouple
over a year ago
Birmingham |
The majority of people I know have cheated at some point un they life. Their business,not an issue |
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"Is it just cheating men that bothers you or everyone cheating?
Gbat
Oh not just men, it is cheating in general. Just seems to be more men on here who admit to doing it.
I just feel for the unknowing partner at home. "
Huge number of cheating ladies here too. They just hide it better  |
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Been on here and other places over 20 years and it seems to be ok or more acceptable for women to cheat rather than the guys  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a lot more people on here in relationships than make out.
Right at this moment in time, I'm really not bothered if someone's single or not.
People will cheat, unfortunately it's just part of life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's a lot more people on here in relationships than make out.
Right at this moment in time, I'm really not bothered if someone's single or not.
People will cheat, unfortunately it's just part of life. "
Personally I don't feel like I'm the gatekeeper for anyone else's relationship. So if they are cheating, or otherwise miscommunicating the facts to me, that's not on my toes to find out... I've got my own life to lead without worrying about other people's too |
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By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
"There's a lot more people on here in relationships than make out.
Right at this moment in time, I'm really not bothered if someone's single or not.
People will cheat, unfortunately it's just part of life. "
This is true. One I talk too is clearly in a relationship or married as she disappears at weekends and school holidays
It's obvious |
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By *4DY-FWoman
over a year ago
Newcastle |
Nope, not for me. I’m wanting cuddles and socialising, not someone watching the clock and answering their phone mid sex |
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"There's a lot more people on here in relationships than make out.
Right at this moment in time, I'm really not bothered if someone's single or not.
People will cheat, unfortunately it's just part of life.
This is true. One I talk too is clearly in a relationship or married as she disappears at weekends and school holidays
It's obvious "
Or maybe she wants to spend time with her children??! Jesus  |
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"If they want to admit they are cheating im fine with it.
At least there honest enough to say so and if anyone wants to play with that scene thats up to them.
But you will always find those that will lie, just to get laid.
Its not for me, I wouldnt like it done to me so dont do it to others. "
I agree. If people tell you they’re attached first I don’t see the issue. It’s your decision then. Apart from that I don’t see it as anyone’s business. If they pretend they’re single then yeah that would piss me off big time. |
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By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
"There's a lot more people on here in relationships than make out.
Right at this moment in time, I'm really not bothered if someone's single or not.
People will cheat, unfortunately it's just part of life.
This is true. One I talk too is clearly in a relationship or married as she disappears at weekends and school holidays
It's obvious
Or maybe she wants to spend time with her children??! Jesus "
No. She's in a relationship lol |
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"There's a lot more people on here in relationships than make out.
Right at this moment in time, I'm really not bothered if someone's single or not.
People will cheat, unfortunately it's just part of life.
This is true. One I talk too is clearly in a relationship or married as she disappears at weekends and school holidays
It's obvious
Or maybe she wants to spend time with her children??! Jesus
No. She's in a relationship lol "
Fair enough. The way you worded it was as if you were assuming she was because she disappeared. |
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"Men/women either way not into cheats, if they have that little respect for the person they supposedly love what respect could I expect as a meet.
Swinging is for fun, not to ruin someone's life.
Mrs "
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Cheating from either sex is not good and would not entertain meeting anybody who we knew or who admitted they were cheating on their partner. It seems to be an even split on the cheating front but men seem to be more open about it.
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By *isser36Man
over a year ago
fylde Coast |
Everyone has their own reasons and motivations to cheat and fully aware of the consequences, each to thier own....if I knew a woman I was chatting to was attached and told me about it I'd be more turned on by it and want to meet her more. |
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Men/women who cheat are lower than a snakes belly and those who facilitate the cheater (especially if they are aware of it) are just as bad. |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
Is their ever a good reason or just an excuse a reason to do it |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
You don't have to be cool with it.
You perfectly within your rights to say no, if they ask to meet you.
If you meet women you can say no to cheating women too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We would not knowingly engage with cheats, whether it be Megan Fox or Brad Pitt, there will be an unknowing victim. Swinging for us is harmless fun, what's harmless about facilitating and attributing toward the break up of a couple or family. |
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Ahh the judges are in session. |
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How do you know they are cheating?
Do you ask them and expect an honest answer? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How do you know they are cheating?
Do you ask them and expect an honest answer?"
I one today openly told me. Fair enough he didn't lie to me... a total stranger... but is lying to his partner. Why am I worth more respect than her?!
Just don't get it. |
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"I don't know about you guys, but I am just not cool with it.
I know they "have good reasons" for it but... I dunno, just never sits right with me. "
No excuse really x |
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"How do you know they are cheating?
Do you ask them and expect an honest answer?
I one today openly told me. Fair enough he didn't lie to me... a total stranger... but is lying to his partner. Why am I worth more respect than her?!
Just don't get it. "
Plus I’m too old  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know about you guys, but I am just not cool with it.
I know they "have good reasons" for it but... I dunno, just never sits right with me. "
To keep in with the forum post….cheaters are not good! I’ve been ‘burnt’ too many times!
But, after looking at this thread, I really like OP and think that she’s so sexy. Would love to chat more with OP |
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"I don't know about you guys, but I am just not cool with it.
I know they "have good reasons" for it but... I dunno, just never sits right with me. "
Cheating anyone’s on fab is a bugbear. The gender doesn’t matter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm with you there.
If they have that lack of respect for they're partner there not gonna think twice about lying to they're hook ups. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If a guys upfront from the start then in all honesty it wouldn't really bother me.
For the record I have been cheated on and I would never cheat on anyone.
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I don't really care, I don't know about anyone's life or relationship and I have absolutely no influence on them. I'd really rather not be involved though
I do think that if it was possible for people to state their partner isn't aware without judgement it would enable everyone to make an informed choice |
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"How do you know they are cheating?
Do you ask them and expect an honest answer?
I one today openly told me. Fair enough he didn't lie to me... a total stranger... but is lying to his partner. Why am I worth more respect than her?!
Just don't get it. "
You're not , he just wants to fuck you hence he is telling you something that in his mind could be a setback potentially for him blowing his load with a person basically .. |
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"I'm with you there.
If they have that lack of respect for they're partner there not gonna think twice about lying to they're hook ups. "
Yes i suppose people are notoriously honest with random strangers when trying to scratch the itch. Yes we test all the time.. Yes we are tall slim and athletic and under 40..no we dont smoke... Yes im hung like a donkey, can come buckets to order again and again and wont try and fuck your arse. |
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"I'm with you there.
If they have that lack of respect for they're partner there not gonna think twice about lying to they're hook ups.
Yes i suppose people are notoriously honest with random strangers when trying to scratch the itch. Yes we test all the time.. Yes we are tall slim and athletic and under 40..no we dont smoke... Yes im hung like a donkey, can come buckets to order again and again and wont try and fuck your arse. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m the same! It’s a big no from me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'll not judge a person's situation but I like the choice to make an informed decision |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This place is full of women who are on 'without his knowlege' as well as men, and it all comes down to them being too scared too approach the subject of swinging with their significant other. Which is understandable in itself, but man, what they're missing out on being in a swinging couple. Neither of my swinging relationships broke up b cause of swinging, or cheating, but another did. I was a young naive man then, it broke my heart. But now I love hotwives, go figure |
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"Is it just cheating men that bothers you or everyone cheating?
Gbat
Oh not just men, it is cheating in general. Just seems to be more men on here who admit to doing it.
I just feel for the unknowing partner at home. "
Sadly not always an unknowing partner, it’s not the necessarily the act itself that hurts but more the secrets and lies that come with it. Everyone has their reasons as you say, work stress, different desires etc but having been there in the past id have happily supported them if them they hadn’t just shut me out and continued to do it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I cheated on my husband many years ago and I never hid the fact I was married to anyone.
I never got any of the grief for it that men seem to, infact people seemed to support me for my choices.
Therefore I don't judge anyone on their situation as long as I know.
Having been lied to about it, the heartbreak was far worse.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s far sexier to be open and honest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it just cheating men that bothers you or everyone cheating?
Gbat
Oh not just men, it is cheating in general. Just seems to be more men on here who admit to doing it.
I just feel for the unknowing partner at home.
Huge number of cheating ladies here too. They just hide it better "
How do you know that if they hide it better? Do they use you to absolve their sins |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men/women who cheat are lower than a snakes belly and those who facilitate the cheater (especially if they are aware of it) are just as bad."
This |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
I don't meet women,but as half a couple we've turned down other couples when its become clear she's/he's married to someone else,who doesnt know.
I like the ones who are upfront on their profiles about it ,at least people then have the choice to meet/chat or not.
I don't knowingly meet anyone who is cheating,but many do lie & try to deceive others to get meets.You just have to suss them out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For what it’s worth I love a cheating woman |
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I our experience of the club scene there's also a fair few women and couples (where one or both of them are cheating on respective partners) too. In fact a hell of a lot more than we expected starting out. Some of them have been at it for years and some well know and liked onnthe scene. People's motivation is not black and white. It's an unfortunate aspect of the scene and not something we're overly warm to (as we were both cheated on by our respective ex spouses). However we take folk as we find them on scene. And although as a stand alone feature isn't welcomed by us in all honesty there has been rare occasions with people we've really found ourselves gelling with. It's their life and not for us to dictate mortality to them as we do not stand in their shoes. We control what we do and what we're comfortable with. In the compartmentalised world of the club on occasion we may do things a little different from outside of the club. It's seems in the club environment a general policy of don't ask, don't tell, so there maybe be some we don't know of too.
Outside of the club environment that would be a no from us. |
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Makes no difference to us. Everyone is here for their own reasons. We are not the cause of their infidelity and would assume there is something fundamentally wrong in their relationship before they decided to cheat. Granted, morally, they should be sorting that out rather than cheating, but they don't and its on them when the $hit hits the fan. |
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[Removed by poster at 18/04/23 12:59:22] |
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What a silly thing to say lol. Good of you to say what you said but honestly it says a lot more about who you are.
But just for your information I was married for over 37 years swinging and both did things with others mostly with each others knowledge and also not. The only reason we got divorced was due to my long working times away from home and a few non related reasons.
But hey,,,, you don't know what I said is real just as much as I don't know if you are a real couple or not lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What a silly thing to say lol. Good of you to say what you said but honestly it says a lot more about who you are.
But just for your information I was married for over 37 years swinging and both did things with others mostly with each others knowledge and also not. The only reason we got divorced was due to my long working times away from home and a few non related reasons.
But hey,,,, you don't know what I said is real just as much as I don't know if you are a real couple or not lol"
Who is this aimed at |
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Sorry I did hit the Reply with Quotes but didn't work lol
Wont say now who it was aimed at but I was told on here that they weren't surprised I'm divorced with my attitude lol and that I was just a bitter person.
But not here or rather should not be here to acknowledge peoples spite. They should really have private messaged me with their views about me lol. |
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Hmm tried again to the poster not sure if its worked |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everyone has there reasons for being here, I for one am not here to judge |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My views on this have softened over time.
Personally I would never cheat on Autumn. I am far too honest, and no orgasm is worth our fifteen year journey. I agree that cheating is wrong because it is lying by omission to your supposed life partner.
However, sex is only one component of a relationship and for some people, everything else is brilliant. So they don't want to leave their partner and, because of this stupid and unrealistic societal standard of monogamy as a norm, they dare not discuss swinging. It's a big risk to raise this question.
I'm more comfortable playing with guys in this situation - at the very least I'm open to a discussion. Often they're very intelligent, polite, and discreet. They also understand about things like childcare issues, and respect the marriage I have with Autumn in a way a lifelong single person simply can't because they don't have the first hand experience.
Where the line is for me is the guys - and it is only guys in my experience - who actively get off on cheating and humiliating their spouse behind their back. Some of the fantasies they paint are hot but I couldn't do that in real life, for me it feels a step too far. |
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"For what it’s worth I love a cheating woman "
Me too , I find it incredibly horny !! |
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Cheating is not good… for what ever there reason |
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"Nope lol"
If you hit reply+quote under the post you want to reply to it should bring up a box with the post you're replying to in it. You then type your answer.
Have you got pop ups disabled? That's the only reason I can think of that it won't work |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I wouldnt want to see a woman who's cheating on her husband without his knowledge. I know there's couples that are in open relationships and marriages so as long as the partners knows then Im kool with it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
think the post should have been laveled cheating people as its people who cheat not just men unless all men are cheating with men ..
also i think its good not to judge those whos shoes you have not walked in .. |
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Not my circus, not my monkeys. Someone else's private life is none of my business. I don't judge |
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[Removed by poster at 18/04/23 17:50:32] |
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This is a tricky one as everyone will have a different reason, there is some fascinating research by Ester Perel on infidelity. I bet a lot of people are mostly happy in their lives except in certain aspects. Communication, communication but that doesn't always work. |
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I don't think people see a man cheating as any worse than a woman cheating, but I think the huge difference on fab anyway is, it's always cheating men who are whining and making excuses for it, 'my wife doesn't understand me, 'i never get a bj' all woe is me, practically begging for sympathy,
I have never once in over 10 years seen a woman on here do that, they just get on with it. |
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By *obletonMan
over a year ago
A Home Among The Woodland Creatures |
Let me fix that for you:
Cheating PEOPLE on Fab .....
There you go |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So woman doesn’t cheat? |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I don't think people see a man cheating as any worse than a woman cheating, but I think the huge difference on fab anyway is, it's always cheating men who are whining and making excuses for it, 'my wife doesn't understand me, 'i never get a bj' all woe is me, practically begging for sympathy,
I have never once in over 10 years seen a woman on here do that, they just get on with it."
Thatll be it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So woman doesn’t cheat?"
I never said that they didn't, or that I didn't approve of that also.
I was complaining about the MEN who have approached me personally whereby this has been the case.
As of yet I have not been approached by women in the same situation.
I am equally judging all genders on this topic. |
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By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
"So woman doesn’t cheat?
I never said that they didn't, or that I didn't approve of that also.
I was complaining about the MEN who have approached me personally whereby this has been the case.
As of yet I have not been approached by women in the same situation.
I am equally judging all genders on this topic. "
xx |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Is it just cheating men that bothers you or everyone cheating?
Gbat
Oh not just men, it is cheating in general. Just seems to be more men on here who admit to doing it.
I just feel for the unknowing partner at home. "
You just wonder how many of them do have a partner they’re cheating on or if it’s just a fantasy for them and they just make it up
But I agree, any form of cheating is not cool |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
Someone cheating on their partner is not my business. I do not know what goes on in their relationship or why things are in the state they are. That is not for me to judge.
But please be honest with me about what your situation is. Don't lie, omit, or obfuscate about it. Do me the courtesy of being able to make an informed decision. Any thing that comes out down the line contrary to what you already told me renders you automatically untrustworthy. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
I don't care of they got a man
I prefer it. All the emotional stuff stays with her man and its purely sexual when we hook-up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've always tried to steer clear of men who are cheating - not always easy to spot if they're not upfront. I dislike that, because I think I should be able to make an informed decision.
But I've spoken to enough people over the years to be aware that cheating isn't as black and white as the pitchfork carrying element of Fab would have you think. I just choose not to be in the middle, for my own conscience. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Someone cheating on their partner is not my business. I do not know what goes on in their relationship or why things are in the state they are. That is not for me to judge.
But please be honest with me about what your situation is. Don't lie, omit, or obfuscate about it. Do me the courtesy of being able to make an informed decision. Any thing that comes out down the line contrary to what you already told me renders you automatically untrustworthy. "
Well said.... no point in being duplicitous on here. The only shame is the fact people can't be so honest with their own partner. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Someone cheating on their partner is not my business. I do not know what goes on in their relationship or why things are in the state they are. That is not for me to judge.
But please be honest with me about what your situation is. Don't lie, omit, or obfuscate about it. Do me the courtesy of being able to make an informed decision. Any thing that comes out down the line contrary to what you already told me renders you automatically untrustworthy.
Well said.... no point in being duplicitous on here. The only shame is the fact people can't be so honest with their own partner. "
exactly this. Honestly goes a long way and would make life much simpler |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Men/women who cheat are lower than a snakes belly and those who facilitate the cheater (especially if they are aware of it) are just as bad."
This. 100%. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Seems like the majority of people on here are men and straight couples, not much single women |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What a married/attached person does is their business and concern. If you are lucky enough for that person to want to hookup with treat it exactly as it’s intended - a fuck, nothing more nothing less! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot of women are here also cheating - usually put the word 'discreet' in their profiles (& yes, before anyone says it, there may be genuine reasons why they say that!)
Annoys me, as when the profile says 'single woman' that's what I expect - maybe it's me (it usually is)
 "
...when the handcuffs lock again
In and out of Wandsworth with the numbers on their names…
(Sorry I would have DM'd you this but you've blocked every one of my sex but alas, give the devil their due, a class status update sir.) |
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By *odevilWoman
over a year ago
exeter |
I don't judge; I've been "the other woman" and the cheat in the past. I've since learned how refreshing and liberating total honesty is in any kind of relationship.
Personally now I'm just not interested in being caught in the middle of a massive drama.
Poly/ENM for the win as far as I'm concerned! |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
Cheating full stop is so so wrong I don’t understand how anyone could do it. If you’re not happy in any aspect of your relationship and you can’t speak and sort this problems out you shouldn’t be together full stop. Life’s too short to live unhappy.
don’t cheat just leave on good terms before things get ugly |
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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
"Cheating full stop is so so wrong I don’t understand how anyone could do it. If you’re not happy in any aspect of your relationship and you can’t speak and sort this problems out you shouldn’t be together full stop. Life’s too short to live unhappy.
don’t cheat just leave on good terms before things get ugly "
Although I agree with your opinions here and ideally, it would be best for all if people would do just that. But reality is that it's just not that easy sometimes. I'm of course referring to leaving a partner, not the act of cheating itself by the way. I was married to my ex for 11 years and the last few years towards the end of my marriage was a struggle.i never cheated on my ex but knowing we are putting up a face as a happy couple was killing me. I battled with myself for speaking up something was wrong with our marriage and that took about a year to finally pick the courage to say something finally, knowing full well that what I'm about to do is going to break up the little family we have. I'm just saying it's all well and good saying to just come out and say it, but it's just never as straight forward as one perceives it to be until you're in that situation yourself |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What a married/attached person does is their business and concern. If you are lucky enough for that person to want to hookup with treat it exactly as it’s intended - a fuck, nothing more nothing less! "
It is totally their concern and I completely have no judgement about their choice ..... it also totally my choice to not fuck married or attached people who are doing so without their spouse/partners knowledge. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I don't judge; I've been "the other woman" and the cheat in the past. I've since learned how refreshing and liberating total honesty is in any kind of relationship.
Personally now I'm just not interested in being caught in the middle of a massive drama.
Poly/ENM for the win as far as I'm concerned! "
That’s exactly what it is for the Boy, I don’t want an angry wife or husband yelling at me or worse cos someone is a cheat! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We get messages from cheating wives a lot and it doesn’t sit right with us at all. We don’t judge anyone and people can do what they want with their time but we just don’t want to be part of something that hurts someone else.
Not worth it by a million miles for us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We don't want the drama of it all. Sad thing is a lot claim to be single and are not. We have had to develop good detective skills and read between the lines. There are subtle giveaways sometimes that someone has an unknowing partner already. It's kinda sad that we are so suspicious when we start talking to someone, but we find it necessary. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People cheat. Unfortunately it seems to be the norm these days.
I do and have met guys that have partners that don't know. In a way they're better, they don't hassle you for meets, don't message all the time. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
Is it cheating if your wife suffers terribly with the menaupause and has done for almost 12 yes....it's ok you you to have morals on a sex site but you judge people too much and, have no idea about private lives.
This site is about guys who want to share good times not tell life stories...I'm more concerned about the dirty fucks who go Bareback. Surly that's more of a topic.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't really care if a guy is cheating or not. I do preffer to know beforehand though to make sure there is no awkward situations if we met on the High Street later while the guy is with his wife. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Is it cheating if your wife suffers terribly with the menaupause and has done for almost 12 yes....it's ok you you to have morals on a sex site but you judge people too much and, have no idea about private lives.
This site is about guys who want to share good times not tell life stories...I'm more concerned about the dirty fucks who go Bareback. Surly that's more of a topic.
"
Yes it is…how does your wife suffering with menopause, cause you to not be able to have a discussion with her? Talk to her!
HW |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Is it cheating if your wife suffers terribly with the menaupause and has done for almost 12 yes....it's ok you you to have morals on a sex site but you judge people too much and, have no idea about private lives.
This site is about guys who want to share good times not tell life stories...I'm more concerned about the dirty fucks who go Bareback. Surly that's more of a topic.
Yes it is…how does your wife suffering with menopause, cause you to not be able to have a discussion with her? Talk to her!
HW "
here we go again with judgements. What is it exactly you know about my private life...nothing other than the little bit I've shared. Maybe this is one of the reasons people put discreet in the profile = Don't ask questions !! |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Is it cheating if your wife suffers terribly with the menaupause and has done for almost 12 yes....it's ok you you to have morals on a sex site but you judge people too much and, have no idea about private lives.
This site is about guys who want to share good times not tell life stories...I'm more concerned about the dirty fucks who go Bareback. Surly that's more of a topic.
"
I've been the wife cheated on, made a fool of, he denied it despite hard evidence. What he wanted was an escape from family life which at the time was difficult. I stopped having sex with him, I also asked him to go. He should have had conversations with me and not call me ridiculous when he was found out.
As for the excuse of menopause, it's an excuse. |
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Who's excuse is menaupause as a reason to not want sex.
Would that be mine or hers.
Oh again judgment? |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Who's excuse is menaupause as a reason to not want sex.
Would that be mine or hers.
Oh again judgment?"
It seems odd to admit in a public place that you go behind someone you supposedly care about's back and expect to not be judged for it.
But it is what it is.
If people don't agree with your idea of morality, leave them be. Don't engage. Find people who do align with your outlook. |
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"Cheating full stop is so so wrong I don’t understand how anyone could do it. If you’re not happy in any aspect of your relationship and you can’t speak and sort this problems out you shouldn’t be together full stop. Life’s too short to live unhappy.
don’t cheat just leave on good terms before things get ugly
Although I agree with your opinions here and ideally, it would be best for all if people would do just that. But reality is that it's just not that easy sometimes. I'm of course referring to leaving a partner, not the act of cheating itself by the way. I was married to my ex for 11 years and the last few years towards the end of my marriage was a struggle.i never cheated on my ex but knowing we are putting up a face as a happy couple was killing me. I battled with myself for speaking up something was wrong with our marriage and that took about a year to finally pick the courage to say something finally, knowing full well that what I'm about to do is going to break up the little family we have. I'm just saying it's all well and good saying to just come out and say it, but it's just never as straight forward as one perceives it to be until you're in that situation yourself "
Yes I get that one million percent but me and my husband have been together 15 year and thankfully we are as happy today as we was back then. Communication is key in a relationship and you should both me honest completely, cheating is something I’ve never agreed with on any side it’s wrong in my eyes before I would cheat and ruin my relationship family I would rather walk away and call it a day |
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By *eastXMan
over a year ago
London |
"Cheating full stop is so so wrong I don’t understand how anyone could do it. If you’re not happy in any aspect of your relationship and you can’t speak and sort this problems out you shouldn’t be together full stop. Life’s too short to live unhappy.
don’t cheat just leave on good terms before things get ugly
Although I agree with your opinions here and ideally, it would be best for all if people would do just that. But reality is that it's just not that easy sometimes. I'm of course referring to leaving a partner, not the act of cheating itself by the way. I was married to my ex for 11 years and the last few years towards the end of my marriage was a struggle.i never cheated on my ex but knowing we are putting up a face as a happy couple was killing me. I battled with myself for speaking up something was wrong with our marriage and that took about a year to finally pick the courage to say something finally, knowing full well that what I'm about to do is going to break up the little family we have. I'm just saying it's all well and good saying to just come out and say it, but it's just never as straight forward as one perceives it to be until you're in that situation yourself
Yes I get that one million percent but me and my husband have been together 15 year and thankfully we are as happy today as we was back then. Communication is key in a relationship and you should both me honest completely, cheating is something I’ve never agreed with on any side it’s wrong in my eyes before I would cheat and ruin my relationship family I would rather walk away and call it a day "
Honesty is the key. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Cheating full stop is so so wrong I don’t understand how anyone could do it. If you’re not happy in any aspect of your relationship and you can’t speak and sort this problems out you shouldn’t be together full stop. Life’s too short to live unhappy.
don’t cheat just leave on good terms before things get ugly
Although I agree with your opinions here and ideally, it would be best for all if people would do just that. But reality is that it's just not that easy sometimes. I'm of course referring to leaving a partner, not the act of cheating itself by the way. I was married to my ex for 11 years and the last few years towards the end of my marriage was a struggle.i never cheated on my ex but knowing we are putting up a face as a happy couple was killing me. I battled with myself for speaking up something was wrong with our marriage and that took about a year to finally pick the courage to say something finally, knowing full well that what I'm about to do is going to break up the little family we have. I'm just saying it's all well and good saying to just come out and say it, but it's just never as straight forward as one perceives it to be until you're in that situation yourself
Yes I get that one million percent but me and my husband have been together 15 year and thankfully we are as happy today as we was back then. Communication is key in a relationship and you should both me honest completely, cheating is something I’ve never agreed with on any side it’s wrong in my eyes before I would cheat and ruin my relationship family I would rather walk away and call it a day
Honesty is the key."
1 million percent |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It’s none of my business. I’ve been an affair partner many times and I have cheated myself. Sex is fun, the swinging world opens your mind and it’s difficult to stay monogamous but equally difficult to avoid jealousy in relationships but ultimately it makes no difference to me as long as when you’re caught you don’t throw me under the bus. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Is it cheating if your wife suffers terribly with the menaupause and has done for almost 12 yes....it's ok you you to have morals on a sex site but you judge people too much and, have no idea about private lives.
This site is about guys who want to share good times not tell life stories...I'm more concerned about the dirty fucks who go Bareback. Surly that's more of a topic.
Yes it is…how does your wife suffering with menopause, cause you to not be able to have a discussion with her? Talk to her!
HW here we go again with judgements. What is it exactly you know about my private life...nothing other than the little bit I've shared. Maybe this is one of the reasons people put discreet in the profile = Don't ask questions !!"
But it’s ok for you to judge those who go bare back?? Such double standards-You really aren’t doing yourself any favours for getting meets with your post or reply. Can’t even be honest with your wife, why would anyone trust you on Fab?
HW |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
I actually find those, complicit in the cheating, just as bad as the cheaters themselves. No morals. No thought for others. Just selfish, self absorbed. Self centred. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I actually find those, complicit in the cheating, just as bad as the cheaters themselves. No morals. No thought for others. Just selfish, self absorbed. Self centred."
So if I meet a married man I'm as bad as the married man? You know, the guy that made a vow to a woman blah blah blah and I'm single. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I actually find those, complicit in the cheating, just as bad as the cheaters themselves. No morals. No thought for others. Just selfish, self absorbed. Self centred.
So if I meet a married man I'm as bad as the married man? You know, the guy that made a vow to a woman blah blah blah and I'm single. "
Yep. Totally. 100%. If you know they are married of course. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I actually find those, complicit in the cheating, just as bad as the cheaters themselves. No morals. No thought for others. Just selfish, self absorbed. Self centred.
So if I meet a married man I'm as bad as the married man? You know, the guy that made a vow to a woman blah blah blah and I'm single.
Yep. Totally. 100%. If you know they are married of course."
Huh. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 22/04/23 16:54:58] |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I actually find those, complicit in the cheating, just as bad as the cheaters themselves. No morals. No thought for others. Just selfish, self absorbed. Self centred."
Damn. I best learn which finger the ring goes on |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I actually find those, complicit in the cheating, just as bad as the cheaters themselves. No morals. No thought for others. Just selfish, self absorbed. Self centred.
Damn. I best learn which finger the ring goes on "
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Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I actually find those, complicit in the cheating, just as bad as the cheaters themselves. No morals. No thought for others. Just selfish, self absorbed. Self centred.
So if I meet a married man I'm as bad as the married man? You know, the guy that made a vow to a woman blah blah blah and I'm single.
Yep. Totally. 100%. If you know they are married of course.
Huh. "
Yep. Huh. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I don't know about you guys, but I am just not cool with it.
I know they "have good reasons" for it but... I dunno, just never sits right with me. "
I can't do it. My brain won't let me but I'm long-term separated so I try not to judge.
So I can socialize with married men but I can't knowingly have sexual play with cheating men.
I'm too honest and I don't have the mental capacity to keep all the lies and sneaking around straight.
But if other people want to do it that's on them.
I do play with married men and partnered men but I get face-to-face permission from the wives, girlfriends and life partners, especially when children are still at home.
Prioritize your children and your primary partner...not your sex life. Sex life is easily repaired from my perspective. Damaged relationships not easily repaired so much. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I actually find those, complicit in the cheating, just as bad as the cheaters themselves. No morals. No thought for others. Just selfish, self absorbed. Self centred.
So if I meet a married man I'm as bad as the married man? You know, the guy that made a vow to a woman blah blah blah and I'm single.
Yep. Totally. 100%. If you know they are married of course.
Huh.
Yep. Huh. "
I'd disagree. Obviously!
I don't agree with people that cheat, at all. Either talk to your partner or leave.
Neither do I deliberately go after married men.
But I've had a few instances on here of talking to guy to find out they're married or have a gf. Maybe it should put me.off, but it doesn't.
I don't think I'm as bad as them though, I've not made any promise or commitment to anyone. Am I helping it happen? Technically,I guess. But they're gonna cheat anyway. I'm not luring a guy away from his wife. If this makes me a bitch so be it!
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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire/Northwest |
"I actually find those, complicit in the cheating, just as bad as the cheaters themselves. No morals. No thought for others. Just selfish, self absorbed. Self centred.
So if I meet a married man I'm as bad as the married man? You know, the guy that made a vow to a woman blah blah blah and I'm single.
Yep. Totally. 100%. If you know they are married of course.
Huh.
Yep. Huh.
I'd disagree. Obviously!
I don't agree with people that cheat, at all. Either talk to your partner or leave.
Neither do I deliberately go after married men.
But I've had a few instances on here of talking to guy to find out they're married or have a gf. Maybe it should put me.off, but it doesn't.
I don't think I'm as bad as them though, I've not made any promise or commitment to anyone. Am I helping it happen? Technically,I guess. But they're gonna cheat anyway. I'm not luring a guy away from his wife. If this makes me a bitch so be it!
"
Nope it doesn't! As you said you're not the one who made a commitment and thats exactly the way we look at it too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honestly? It doesn’t bother me.
I don’t judge, although I don’t and won’t actively pursue someone who is married with a partner not informed.
I’ve been cheated on, I’ve been the cheater and I’ve been the other woman. They all have their reasons and facets.
But I’m not meeting anyone just now, married or not, so *shrugs* |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
Cheating “people” on fab I’m not okay with. Not just the men ; )
Not okay with it, but all I can do is ask the question. I’m not a detective. If someone’s cheating I don’t expect them to be honest with me.
I have lots of female friends I club with regularly, I have the same expectations of them.
I’d not be associated with anyone cheating if I knew x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Who's excuse is menaupause as a reason to not want sex.
Would that be mine or hers.
Oh again judgment?"
Perhaps what's meant is your wife's symptoms are not an excuse for you to cheat on her, least that's how I read it. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I actually find those, complicit in the cheating, just as bad as the cheaters themselves. No morals. No thought for others. Just selfish, self absorbed. Self centred."
What an unpleasant and unfair comment. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I actually find those, complicit in the cheating, just as bad as the cheaters themselves. No morals. No thought for others. Just selfish, self absorbed. Self centred.
What an unpleasant and unfair comment. "
Thats your opinion. Mine is different. And thats ok. I don't think unfair or unpleasant at all...not as unfair or unpleasant as the cheaters or those complicit in it. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"I actually find those, complicit in the cheating, just as bad as the cheaters themselves. No morals. No thought for others. Just selfish, self absorbed. Self centred.
So if I meet a married man I'm as bad as the married man? You know, the guy that made a vow to a woman blah blah blah and I'm single.
Yep. Totally. 100%. If you know they are married of course.
Huh.
Yep. Huh.
I'd disagree. Obviously!
I don't agree with people that cheat, at all. Either talk to your partner or leave.
Neither do I deliberately go after married men.
But I've had a few instances on here of talking to guy to find out they're married or have a gf. Maybe it should put me.off, but it doesn't.
I don't think I'm as bad as them though, I've not made any promise or commitment to anyone. Am I helping it happen? Technically,I guess. But they're gonna cheat anyway. I'm not luring a guy away from his wife. If this makes me a bitch so be it!
"
Well we're all different aren't we. I have to say so have i, had conversations on here, but as soon as there's a slight hint they are attached. Thats it. I'm off. I would never want to be part of the reason for another woman's heartache. Ever. It doesn't, and never will, sit right with me. |
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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
"Cheating full stop is so so wrong I don’t understand how anyone could do it. If you’re not happy in any aspect of your relationship and you can’t speak and sort this problems out you shouldn’t be together full stop. Life’s too short to live unhappy.
don’t cheat just leave on good terms before things get ugly
Although I agree with your opinions here and ideally, it would be best for all if people would do just that. But reality is that it's just not that easy sometimes. I'm of course referring to leaving a partner, not the act of cheating itself by the way. I was married to my ex for 11 years and the last few years towards the end of my marriage was a struggle.i never cheated on my ex but knowing we are putting up a face as a happy couple was killing me. I battled with myself for speaking up something was wrong with our marriage and that took about a year to finally pick the courage to say something finally, knowing full well that what I'm about to do is going to break up the little family we have. I'm just saying it's all well and good saying to just come out and say it, but it's just never as straight forward as one perceives it to be until you're in that situation yourself
Yes I get that one million percent but me and my husband have been together 15 year and thankfully we are as happy today as we was back then. Communication is key in a relationship and you should both me honest completely, cheating is something I’ve never agreed with on any side it’s wrong in my eyes before I would cheat and ruin my relationship family I would rather walk away and call it a day "
I get that and I do agree that communication is key and life would be simpler if we all can just be open about it. I would never cheat and never have done but I'm just simply putting across the idea of just open out saying the relationship is not working is just not that straight forward. Genuine partners that worry what the future holds, how much the family dynamics would change. I'm quite lucky that me and my ex are quite amicable, not everyone are that lucky |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What I still find so utterly baffling is that people are so wedded to monogamy that they'd rather cheat or make their relationship non-sexual than have a conversation and be open to the alternatives. |
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"What I still find so utterly baffling is that people are so wedded to monogamy that they'd rather cheat or make their relationship non-sexual than have a conversation and be open to the alternatives. "
This!
As much as i hate cheating, and am totally against it.
Surely being on here shows so many different types of relationships that you’d just speak to your partner and look at options? |
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"What I still find so utterly baffling is that people are so wedded to monogamy that they'd rather cheat or make their relationship non-sexual than have a conversation and be open to the alternatives. "
Trust me when I say it's not "wedded to monogamy" that makes them cheat.
Technically I'm an adulteress because I left my abusive husband nearly 10 years ago and the divorce has not been finalised.
Why because I didn't have the mental ( or financial) capacity to prioritise sorting it out.
These people do not have the psychological capacity to approach the sexual problem openly. It's fear. Fear of divorce, Fear of directly hurting their partner. (they do not understand that if they slip up and their partner find out, they have harmed their partner) They lie to themselves that their partner will never find out.) Fear of their partner's reaction. Fear of going to see a sex therapist. Fear of losing their partner. Fear of losing their finances. Fear of losing the life they built for however long. Fear of being alone. Fear of setting boundaries and ultimatum. Fear admitting that they are shit in bed. Fear admitting that they are struggling with intimacy. Fear of being emotional. Fear of being seen as soft. Fear of being seen as vulnerable. Fear of their children hating them.
And a whole other list of psychological issues too long to list.
Not my job to help all cheaters overcome their fears. If they think cheating is the best way for them to cope so be it. I don't have to live their life with their brains, their emotions, their insecurities, their family and their way of thinking.
I sat in a 12-step group for Sex and Love Addict Anonymous SLAA and the majority of members are men. They are riddled with guilt about their unpleasant, dishonest and potentially harmful behaviours but they can't stop doing it. It's a compulsion, impulse, coping strategy and in some cases can be a trauma response.
We don't sit there and call people negative adjectives especially as about half are suicidal and suicide is a major killer of men of all ages. |
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"
Trust me when I say it's not "wedded to monogamy" that makes them cheat.
…..
I sat in a 12-step group for Sex and Love Addict Anonymous SLAA and the majority of members are men. They are riddled with guilt about their unpleasant, dishonest and potentially harmful behaviours but they can't stop doing it. It's a compulsion, impulse, coping strategy and in some cases can be a trauma response.
We don't sit there and call people negative adjectives especially as about half are suicidal and suicide is a major killer of men of all ages."
This is really powerful stuff, thank you for posting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Swinging is not cheating, cheating is not swinging |
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"Swinging is not cheating, cheating is not swinging"
I don't think anyone said it was |
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By * F 2018Couple
over a year ago
shropshire |
"I don't know about you guys, but I am just not cool with it.
I know they "have good reasons" for it but... I dunno, just never sits right with me. "
It's being dishonest to their partners
So no, not for us either |
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If you tell a person before you meet if you are married or not - if you always play safe or not etc then they have the choice to meet or not - informed consent is all that is needed
Judgements - discussing morals - describing people in negative terms such as “dirty cheat” … Is it really needed ?
I’m amazed by the judgemental language used here - after all how are we all judged by non swingers
Let those without sin cast the first stone |
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"
Trust me when I say it's not "wedded to monogamy" that makes them cheat.
…..
I sat in a 12-step group for Sex and Love Addict Anonymous SLAA and the majority of members are men. They are riddled with guilt about their unpleasant, dishonest and potentially harmful behaviours but they can't stop doing it. It's a compulsion, impulse, coping strategy and in some cases can be a trauma response.
We don't sit there and call people negative adjectives especially as about half are suicidal and suicide is a major killer of men of all ages.
This is really powerful stuff, thank you for posting."
It's the therapy, support, and 12-step groups that are the most powerful. All credit to them. I'm just a by-product attendee struggling with my own maladaptive behaviors/thoughts that no-one really sees but I judge myself harshly on. Learning to be empathetic to myself and others. If I get it wrong I expect to be told that I've done it wrong because I can't change if no one tells me I'm doing it wrong and if no-one shows me how to do it right. |
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"If you tell a person before you meet if you are married or not - if you always play safe or not etc then they have the choice to meet or not - informed consent is all that is needed
Judgements - discussing morals - describing people in negative terms such as “dirty cheat” … Is it really needed ?
I’m amazed by the judgemental language used here - after all how are we all judged by non swingers
Let those without sin cast the first stone "
Could it be that so many are simply perfect in their own minds and like to see failings in others as it allows them to feel even more perfect? Oh to be so perfect and be able to judge others. |
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"What I still find so utterly baffling is that people are so wedded to monogamy that they'd rather cheat or make their relationship non-sexual than have a conversation and be open to the alternatives.
Trust me when I say it's not "wedded to monogamy" that makes them cheat.
Technically I'm an adulteress because I left my abusive husband nearly 10 years ago and the divorce has not been finalised.
Why because I didn't have the mental ( or financial) capacity to prioritise sorting it out.
These people do not have the psychological capacity to approach the sexual problem openly. It's fear. Fear of divorce, Fear of directly hurting their partner. (they do not understand that if they slip up and their partner find out, they have harmed their partner) They lie to themselves that their partner will never find out.) Fear of their partner's reaction. Fear of going to see a sex therapist. Fear of losing their partner. Fear of losing their finances. Fear of losing the life they built for however long. Fear of being alone. Fear of setting boundaries and ultimatum. Fear admitting that they are shit in bed. Fear admitting that they are struggling with intimacy. Fear of being emotional. Fear of being seen as soft. Fear of being seen as vulnerable. Fear of their children hating them.
And a whole other list of psychological issues too long to list.
Not my job to help all cheaters overcome their fears. If they think cheating is the best way for them to cope so be it. I don't have to live their life with their brains, their emotions, their insecurities, their family and their way of thinking.
I sat in a 12-step group for Sex and Love Addict Anonymous SLAA and the majority of members are men. They are riddled with guilt about their unpleasant, dishonest and potentially harmful behaviours but they can't stop doing it. It's a compulsion, impulse, coping strategy and in some cases can be a trauma response.
We don't sit there and call people negative adjectives especially as about half are suicidal and suicide is a major killer of men of all ages."
I love your posts. So thoughtful and thought provoking. |
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"If you tell a person before you meet if you are married or not - if you always play safe or not etc then they have the choice to meet or not - informed consent is all that is needed
Judgements - discussing morals - describing people in negative terms such as “dirty cheat” … Is it really needed ?
I’m amazed by the judgemental language used here - after all how are we all judged by non swingers
Let those without sin cast the first stone "
Exactly this. It really is that simple. |
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"If you tell a person before you meet if you are married or not - if you always play safe or not etc then they have the choice to meet or not - informed consent is all that is needed
Judgements - discussing morals - describing people in negative terms such as “dirty cheat” … Is it really needed ?
I’m amazed by the judgemental language used here - after all how are we all judged by non swingers
Let those without sin cast the first stone "
I really don't think its that simple. Not for me anyway. We are all entitled to our opinions and especially with this topic everyone's differ. I am by no means perfect, far from it. But it would go against every moral fibre of my being to get involved with a married or attached man without his partner/wife's knowledge. I wouldn't even with their knowledge. How could anyone be complicit in the possible hurt, devastation of a other woman or man. Its called having empathy and compassion for other people. There are plenty of single men, women out there. Go get them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you tell a person before you meet if you are married or not - if you always play safe or not etc then they have the choice to meet or not - informed consent is all that is needed
Judgements - discussing morals - describing people in negative terms such as “dirty cheat” … Is it really needed ?
I’m amazed by the judgemental language used here - after all how are we all judged by non swingers
Let those without sin cast the first stone
I really don't think its that simple. Not for me anyway. We are all entitled to our opinions and especially with this topic everyone's differ. I am by no means perfect, far from it. But it would go against every moral fibre of my being to get involved with a married or attached man without his partner/wife's knowledge. I wouldn't even with their knowledge. How could anyone be complicit in the possible hurt, devastation of a other woman or man. Its called having empathy and compassion for other people. There are plenty of single men, women out there. Go get them."
You can have your own moral compass without implying that anyone who doesn't follow your lead has neither empathy nor compassion. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"If you tell a person before you meet if you are married or not - if you always play safe or not etc then they have the choice to meet or not - informed consent is all that is needed
Judgements - discussing morals - describing people in negative terms such as “dirty cheat” … Is it really needed ?
I’m amazed by the judgemental language used here - after all how are we all judged by non swingers
Let those without sin cast the first stone
I really don't think its that simple. Not for me anyway. We are all entitled to our opinions and especially with this topic everyone's differ. I am by no means perfect, far from it. But it would go against every moral fibre of my being to get involved with a married or attached man without his partner/wife's knowledge. I wouldn't even with their knowledge. How could anyone be complicit in the possible hurt, devastation of a other woman or man. Its called having empathy and compassion for other people. There are plenty of single men, women out there. Go get them.
You can have your own moral compass without implying that anyone who doesn't follow your lead has neither empathy nor compassion. "
Yes i can. And they can have theirs. And obviously they are very different...i would struggle to acknowledge that they would have much though to possibly hurt someone else knowingly. |
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It's up to them, however if I'm not told from the offset that they have a Mrs/ Mr then its a hard no from me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What I still find so utterly baffling is that people are so wedded to monogamy that they'd rather cheat or make their relationship non-sexual than have a conversation and be open to the alternatives.
Trust me when I say it's not "wedded to monogamy" that makes them cheat.
These people do not have the psychological capacity to approach the sexual problem openly. It's fear. Fear of divorce, Fear of directly hurting their partner. (they do not understand that if they slip up and their partner find out, they have harmed their partner) They lie to themselves that their partner will never find out.) Fear of their partner's reaction. Fear of going to see a sex therapist. Fear of losing their partner. Fear of losing their finances. Fear of losing the life they built for however long. Fear of being alone. Fear of setting boundaries and ultimatum. Fear admitting that they are shit in bed. Fear admitting that they are struggling with intimacy. Fear of being emotional. Fear of being seen as soft. Fear of being seen as vulnerable. Fear of their children hating them."
I don't think I was saying that people cheat BECAUSE they're wedded to monogamy. But that they will block off considering alternatives to monogamy as a solution. And end up cheating. The fears you've listed seem very accurate and insightful. But that psychological capacity to explore sexually - do people not have it or do they choose to suppress it. I don't know. I've not been in the position. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Think a lot of people “unknowingly” have contact with cheats…..just a shame they can’t be honest and open with their partners. Christ the other half may actually be thinking the same !! |
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I hate cheaters. My ex Wife cheated on me when se where on a swing break. |
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and what makes you judge and jury ? |
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"and what makes you judge and jury ?"
The op is airing her opinion not trying to be judge or jury opinions are like bumholes everyone has one! |
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By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
Threads like this always descend into arguments.
Sensitive subject but play nice |
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By *lyreelMan
over a year ago
King's lynn |
Statistically 20% of men cheat, 13% for women. Also 1 in 25 blokes is raising a child that they believe to be theirs but is not DNA related.
UK figures.
Shame that we can’t just all get on, accept people are different and leading different lives, and throw all these high horses and pedestals that people preach from in the bin.
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Yeah I'm good don't want to stir someone else's porridge |
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What if they're just here to wank to the sexy pictures?
Asking for a friend. |
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For me it’s not even about cheating…I wouldn’t have known liars in any part of my life, why would this be any different? If I know you are lying to your partner and kids (includes lying by omission) then it’s a no from me.
HW x |
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By *azmar62Couple
over a year ago
Hinckley |
We’ve no need to cheat, we’ve a fantastic sex life and we get to cheat in front of each other when we meet lovely people. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 30/04/23 08:16:11] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Swinging is not cheating, cheating is not swinging"
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Every other man or woman is cheating on fab or dating apps unfortunately, it’s the ones who play together that stay together I reckon... |
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