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Ending a fwb arrangement
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’ve had to recently end a fwb here. It’s been pretty rough. In all honesty had it continued as originally agreed I would have continued but it didn’t.
Unfortunately the feels crept in for him. I am fond of him too but not a wanting a relationship and I’m not done with my fab journey however I care and worry about him.
He stopped signing into fab as a sign of commitment. Meets became expected every week and I felt bad if I couldn’t make it. Asking for weekends away. Upset if I attended organised socials. He would be lonely waiting for me to be free. I had a new meet and this has made him very upset. Anyone else have to go through this? Any advice?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like he was a lucky guy. Guess that shows you need to clamp down on too many meets at the outset to keep things within the bounds of what was expected. I think you’ve done the right thing moving on. Happy Fabbing! |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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Ach, I'm sorry Op, that sounds pretty rough.
Look you've been really honest and you've said you don't want a relationship and want to carry on fabbing. I think that you have to stand strong, firm as hard as it may be.
You have to make a gentle transition back to friendship. Ignore the benefits, focus on that if it's important to you. Remind him it is, feelings are difficult and he'll be hurting.
You're not in the wrong, he has to learn how to heal now. Take some space from each other, that time apart can almost factory reset things.
I don't think you should end the friendship, you're fond of him evidently. But you do need to be honest and open and then? Start feeling less guilt. Give him time. I hope if you want to keep the friendship, you're able to x
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" Any advice?
Just that he might find it hard reading about himself on a thread?
E "
He doesn’t read the forums and has t been in for a month. That’s and he knows I do post here and nothing I’ve said isn’t what I’ve said to him already |
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That's a difficult situation to handle but I think you've done it well. I had a fwb here who didn't take it well when I posted a veri from another lady, despite my fwb previously telling me about meets she was going on while we were meeting. I know this isn't exactly how your situation has gone, but this place can bring out sides to people you weren't expecting, which changes things |
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OP I think you just need to be honest - which you have been. You made it clear up front so I don’t think you need to beat yourself up.
It’s hard when someone gets the feels when you don’t but in that situation you need to be cruel to be kind and to end it. I think you need to make a clean break else he will always be hoping.
He will get over it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Better it ended sooner rather than later. It'd have just become too painful for both of you... Sadly we can't control emotions, but of course nobody is responsible for anyone else's happiness. You did the right thing OP |
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By *intteaMan
over a year ago
Bristol |
Sounds like you are doing the right thing. Far better to do it now rather than later. It’s very sad for him (and you) but if you don’t end it it will only get worse.
I’ve been told that fwb relationships are over and felt rejected but it’s part of life - and the scene - and you move on. I’m sure he will too. Good luck with it xx |
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By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
yes.
i can see both sides of this as ive experienced it.
i wont go into details as that would be unfair. all i can say is im human, so was she and things sometimes we cant control as much as we wish.
feelings, emotions we all have them, cannot be stone cold all the time.
it always ends badly when someone pulls away due to feeling uneasy about the situation.
we are left with questions and we question ourselves and seriously overthink things.
there are no winners. just pieces that you have to sweep up and put back together.
all the best  |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
You need to both be on the same page for a Fwb arrangement to work. And the friendship has to matter as much as the benefits otherwise it's a FB thing rather than being actual friends. Nothing wrong with that either if it works for both of you.
Ending one is hard but if it isn't working it's better to end it rather than carry on when one person wants something different. You can't change what others look for or want all you can do is be clear about what you want.
Unfortunately though if someone does get hurt it can be hard to keep the friendship then. |
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"You need to both be on the same page for a Fwb arrangement to work. And the friendship has to matter as much as the benefits otherwise it's a FB thing rather than being actual friends. Nothing wrong with that either if it works for both of you.
Ending one is hard but if it isn't working it's better to end it rather than carry on when one person wants something different. You can't change what others look for or want all you can do is be clear about what you want.
Unfortunately though if someone does get hurt it can be hard to keep the friendship then. "
This |
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I guess when you enter into something more with a friend it can complicate things somewhat, if your not both on the same page it's going to end badly. It's a shame as you sound like you were into this guy but not wanting a relationship which is the sort of thing I'm looking for. I don't expect to find it but I live in hope.
I hope you two can sort your differences out and can remain friends at least. |
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rob isnt my partner but has hinted at that but am not intrested. I told him fun only without any commitment.if it got to the point where he coudnt handle it. I would play alone and sever all ties. Harsh meaby but i dont do commitments. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's tough sometimes. I went into what I assumed was a MF relationship with the make of the relationship. All above board, all discussed... Then their relationship massively changed. She didn't want him to talk about it with me. I offered to dip out, he still wanted it... Totally blew up in my face because they couldn't communicate  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have dealt with it how you see and shouldn’t feel any remorse about it he knew the score. Though Some people do fall in love be it a site like fab or socially if it was meant to be more it could have been just that, however it wasn’t, you have to go with your gut instinct. You know what you want and you say “your journey isn’t finished”. You have no need to explain. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had to be done. A couple I was seeing ended it after she admitted ahe preferred sex with me compared to her husband. She ended it to concentrate on their relationship which is the right call. |
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Sever it op. He has chosen to try take it up to a relationship knowing that’s not what you wanted.
It will never be the same now as before so save yourself and him the ballache of it all
Short term pain long term pain in end |
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By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
"Had to be done. A couple I was seeing ended it after she admitted ahe preferred sex with me compared to her husband. She ended it to concentrate on their relationship which is the right call. "
thats good. at least they recognised that |
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