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Broaching the swinging conversation
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Question for you swingers.
I'm just wondering how the hell did the swinging conversation come up between you and your partner? Over cornflakes at breakfast? While in the bedroom? I'm on a singles profile but toying with the idea of asking my wife about swinging or at least introducing the subject in a conversation.
Any tips would be appreciated
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We had the conversation about fantasies etc and decided to join.
Tbh as your already here behind her back then I don't think that's a good start to a swinging relationship, trust, respect & communication is a must.
Mrs |
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Really simple for us. Paul was open about being a swinger when I first met him so it was my choice to continue seeing him and then also enter the swinging world.
Honesty and openess is everything and if the thought of swinging wasn't for me then we wouldn't have got into a relationship. |
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When you talk fantasies, do you talk about her having sex with other people? That’s how it started with an old partner. After I’d done that during sex play, she without and conversation found a sex club for us to go to. Best way is to make it her idea, so there’s no push back. If it’s just a sexual fantasy and goes no further then so be it. Make it her idea. But you be good at it.  but show her your profile she will run a mile. All the best stuff is the stuff you do together. No guilt. |
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"Thanks, and I appreciate your point it's certainly valid, to cut a long story short though we've both made mistakes, I'm still making mine though  "
Then have some decency and leave the relationship.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks, and I appreciate your point it's certainly valid, to cut a long story short though we've both made mistakes, I'm still making mine though "
So you want her to swing so you can have a couple profile and use her as sex bait. Just tell her. She will be thrilled. |
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For years hubby would say that he'd love to watch me with another man. I always found the idea awful, but he'd planted a seed in my head. It took a few years, but I came round to the idea and now realise it's probably the best idea he's had. |
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"We both have too much invested in the marriage, separating is not an option I'm afraid, we have discussed it"
If you've got as far as discussing separation which must have been a really difficult conversation, maybe you could bring swinging up in the same way.
I personally appreciate straight talking with affection. Eg "I really appreciate our relationship/love you and would love to try some new stuff with you" said over a glass of wine during a cosy evening. Emotional intimacy is a great way to ensure you can discuss almost anything |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We both have too much invested in the marriage, separating is not an option I'm afraid, we have discussed it
If you've got as far as discussing separation which must have been a really difficult conversation, maybe you could bring swinging up in the same way.
I personally appreciate straight talking with affection. Eg "I really appreciate our relationship/love you and would love to try some new stuff with you" said over a glass of wine during a cosy evening. Emotional intimacy is a great way to ensure you can discuss almost anything "
Thankyou! Firstly for not being judgemental and secondly giving me some advice, nobody knows each others situation or circumstances |
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"Thanks, and I appreciate your point it's certainly valid, to cut a long story short though we've both made mistakes, I'm still making mine though "
OP, I’ve never been in this situation so this is just an observation. I’m inclined to agree with others that, when swinging as a couple, you need a really strong, trusting relationship as a foundation. This lifestyle could easily rock your dynamic if you don’t have that and it sounds like you don’t. Not a good starting point.
For what it’s worth, it also sounds like you’re trying to keep making your mistakes but make it ok by having her buy into the idea. In other words, have your cake and eat it.
Is this about you taking your relationship to the next level as a loving couple with equal respect and desire for each other? Or is it about you keeping her and getting to shag other women as well? If it’s the latter, may I suggest your intentions are not altogether honourable? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thanks, and I appreciate your point it's certainly valid, to cut a long story short though we've both made mistakes, I'm still making mine though
OP, I’ve never been in this situation so this is just an observation. I’m inclined to agree with others that, when swinging as a couple, you need a really strong, trusting relationship as a foundation. This lifestyle could easily rock your dynamic if you don’t have that and it sounds like you don’t. Not a good starting point.
For what it’s worth, it also sounds like you’re trying to keep making your mistakes but make it ok by having her buy into the idea. In other words, have your cake and eat it.
Is this about you taking your relationship to the next level as a loving couple with equal respect and desire for each other? Or is it about you keeping her and getting to shag other women as well? If it’s the latter, may I suggest your intentions are not altogether honourable?"
Thankyou for your measured reply |
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I was lucky and met my partner here over 7 years ago and we knew we wanted to stay in the lifestyle.
Op have an honest talk to her ,ask her about any fantasies she has or see if she'd do to a club with you.
Only caution I'd say is if your relationship isn't secure or happy at the min,swinging can break it. |
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We used to talk about it when making love but of course the next day she had gone off the idea. Eventually we agreed that we would meet a guy And if she really liked him she would give him a wank. 30 minutes after meeting she was on her back with her knickers off and her legs wide open.
Happy days. |
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