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Submissive Fetish
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"Bit of a strange one. I am interested in hearing from people who have a submissive fetish. I am not a submissive or a dom but interested to hear how the fetish forms. I hope no-one gets upset, but I have a theory that people with a submissive fetish have had something bad happen when they were younger, the fetish gives a feeling of control. I believe that certain types of people who feel less than in someway may develop a dom fetish in order to gain control, and in certain sitatuions these people can be dangerous. It would be interesting to hear from people. " Getting up set is the last thing a fetishist should do Some submissives have a negative history but not all of them. Submission is about many things and many different things to different people. Bdsm/fet is highly complex and certainly is a subject that is individually personal. That being said the aim is to achieve endorphin release through mental and or physical stimulation. I hope that help | |||
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"Another possible reason to be a sub, is that in their "real" life, they are an alpha, or have a lot of responsibilities with people depending on them for leadership. And being a sub is a way of relinquishing that , and letting someone else take charge. And the responsibility. Almost like a holiday from themselves " Hi, was just wondering if you know a possible reason why you like to wear women’s clothes? | |||
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"In a true 'D/s' relationship it's the sub who always has the actual 'control'. They vote with their feet, and if someone is pushing boundaries that aren't agreed, then they'll walk away. You can't be dominant without a willing partner. And you can't be submissive without someone who knows your limits " A Dom/me can vote with their feet too, if they don’t feel like the sub is suited to them, if the sub isn’t pleasing them, if they don’t enjoy owning the sub, they’ll leave. Dom/mes have limits too that they won’t want to be pushed, every relationship should have agreed limits, vanilla couples will discuss things they do and don’t like doing and discuss what they do and don’t want to do together. And you can’t be a sub without someone to serve. In my experience there are very few genuine Dom/mes compared to how many genuine subs there are so I think a sub would be more willing to settle for someone that isn’t perfect for them as they know how difficult it is to find a Dom/me at all. I’m not being argumentative, just giving an opposing view, I don’t think it’s as straightforward as saying a sub sets the limits and a sub can walk away from the relationship so therefore a sub has all the control. Plus, there are different types of control really, even when I’ve set strict limits and I know that I can walk away at any time so I feel in control in those regards, when I’ve been handcuffed to a radiator in the bathroom for an entire weekend I don’t feel like the one with the control… | |||
"In a true 'D/s' relationship it's the sub who always has the actual 'control'. They vote with their feet, and if someone is pushing boundaries that aren't agreed, then they'll walk away. You can't be dominant without a willing partner. And you can't be submissive without someone who knows your limits A Dom/me can vote with their feet too, if they don’t feel like the sub is suited to them, if the sub isn’t pleasing them, if they don’t enjoy owning the sub, they’ll leave. Dom/mes have limits too that they won’t want to be pushed, every relationship should have agreed limits, vanilla couples will discuss things they do and don’t like doing and discuss what they do and don’t want to do together. And you can’t be a sub without someone to serve. In my experience there are very few genuine Dom/mes compared to how many genuine subs there are so I think a sub would be more willing to settle for someone that isn’t perfect for them as they know how difficult it is to find a Dom/me at all. I’m not being argumentative, just giving an opposing view, I don’t think it’s as straightforward as saying a sub sets the limits and a sub can walk away from the relationship so therefore a sub has all the control. Plus, there are different types of control really, even when I’ve set strict limits and I know that I can walk away at any time so I feel in control in those regards, when I’ve been handcuffed to a radiator in the bathroom for an entire weekend I don’t feel like the one with the control…" But you've agreed to that? Yes? Or else they've just held you hostage. At which point you need to report that to the police | |||
"In a true 'D/s' relationship it's the sub who always has the actual 'control'. They vote with their feet, and if someone is pushing boundaries that aren't agreed, then they'll walk away. You can't be dominant without a willing partner. And you can't be submissive without someone who knows your limits A Dom/me can vote with their feet too, if they don’t feel like the sub is suited to them, if the sub isn’t pleasing them, if they don’t enjoy owning the sub, they’ll leave. Dom/mes have limits too that they won’t want to be pushed, every relationship should have agreed limits, vanilla couples will discuss things they do and don’t like doing and discuss what they do and don’t want to do together. And you can’t be a sub without someone to serve. In my experience there are very few genuine Dom/mes compared to how many genuine subs there are so I think a sub would be more willing to settle for someone that isn’t perfect for them as they know how difficult it is to find a Dom/me at all. I’m not being argumentative, just giving an opposing view, I don’t think it’s as straightforward as saying a sub sets the limits and a sub can walk away from the relationship so therefore a sub has all the control. Plus, there are different types of control really, even when I’ve set strict limits and I know that I can walk away at any time so I feel in control in those regards, when I’ve been handcuffed to a radiator in the bathroom for an entire weekend I don’t feel like the one with the control… But you've agreed to that? Yes? Or else they've just held you hostage. At which point you need to report that to the police " Yes, of course I’ve agreed to it, and the Domme agreed to do it to me, some Dommes may not want to do that to me…..the sub doesn’t dictate exactly what a Domme and sub do together, it’s a mutual decision, there will be things the sub wants to do that the Domme doesn’t so they don’t do it, and vice versa. In that regard the control is mutual, neither can make the other do something they don’t want to. | |||
"In a true 'D/s' relationship it's the sub who always has the actual 'control'. They vote with their feet, and if someone is pushing boundaries that aren't agreed, then they'll walk away. You can't be dominant without a willing partner. And you can't be submissive without someone who knows your limits A Dom/me can vote with their feet too, if they don’t feel like the sub is suited to them, if the sub isn’t pleasing them, if they don’t enjoy owning the sub, they’ll leave. Dom/mes have limits too that they won’t want to be pushed, every relationship should have agreed limits, vanilla couples will discuss things they do and don’t like doing and discuss what they do and don’t want to do together. And you can’t be a sub without someone to serve. In my experience there are very few genuine Dom/mes compared to how many genuine subs there are so I think a sub would be more willing to settle for someone that isn’t perfect for them as they know how difficult it is to find a Dom/me at all. I’m not being argumentative, just giving an opposing view, I don’t think it’s as straightforward as saying a sub sets the limits and a sub can walk away from the relationship so therefore a sub has all the control. Plus, there are different types of control really, even when I’ve set strict limits and I know that I can walk away at any time so I feel in control in those regards, when I’ve been handcuffed to a radiator in the bathroom for an entire weekend I don’t feel like the one with the control… But you've agreed to that? Yes? Or else they've just held you hostage. At which point you need to report that to the police Yes, of course I’ve agreed to it, and the Domme agreed to do it to me, some Dommes may not want to do that to me…..the sub doesn’t dictate exactly what a Domme and sub do together, it’s a mutual decision, there will be things the sub wants to do that the Domme doesn’t so they don’t do it, and vice versa. In that regard the control is mutual, neither can make the other do something they don’t want to. " So, as I said it's about mutual consent? And bottom line a sub gets to vote with their feet? Because if someone doesn't wish to submit... Then it's game over | |||
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"In a true 'D/s' relationship it's the sub who always has the actual 'control'. They vote with their feet, and if someone is pushing boundaries that aren't agreed, then they'll walk away. You can't be dominant without a willing partner. And you can't be submissive without someone who knows your limits A Dom/me can vote with their feet too, if they don’t feel like the sub is suited to them, if the sub isn’t pleasing them, if they don’t enjoy owning the sub, they’ll leave. Dom/mes have limits too that they won’t want to be pushed, every relationship should have agreed limits, vanilla couples will discuss things they do and don’t like doing and discuss what they do and don’t want to do together. And you can’t be a sub without someone to serve. In my experience there are very few genuine Dom/mes compared to how many genuine subs there are so I think a sub would be more willing to settle for someone that isn’t perfect for them as they know how difficult it is to find a Dom/me at all. I’m not being argumentative, just giving an opposing view, I don’t think it’s as straightforward as saying a sub sets the limits and a sub can walk away from the relationship so therefore a sub has all the control. Plus, there are different types of control really, even when I’ve set strict limits and I know that I can walk away at any time so I feel in control in those regards, when I’ve been handcuffed to a radiator in the bathroom for an entire weekend I don’t feel like the one with the control… But you've agreed to that? Yes? Or else they've just held you hostage. At which point you need to report that to the police Yes, of course I’ve agreed to it, and the Domme agreed to do it to me, some Dommes may not want to do that to me…..the sub doesn’t dictate exactly what a Domme and sub do together, it’s a mutual decision, there will be things the sub wants to do that the Domme doesn’t so they don’t do it, and vice versa. In that regard the control is mutual, neither can make the other do something they don’t want to. So, as I said it's about mutual consent? And bottom line a sub gets to vote with their feet? Because if someone doesn't wish to submit... Then it's game over " Yeah, and a Domme also gets to vote with their feet because if someone doesn’t want to dominate it’s also game over. I agree that it’s about mutual consent but you said that in a true D/s relationship it’s a sub that has actually control, which implies that the sub has all the control and the Domme has none. If you meant that the control is shared then you’d have said the sub has some control, or the sub also has control, or something like that. But saying the sub has the actual control doesn’t imply it’s shared control. | |||
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"I am sub bi guy but it seems to put people off. Guess am just 2 kinky " Why do you think that being bi and sub is too kinky? | |||
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"I can't get a gen meet. Had 5 or 6 couples say they want to use me. " I’m only guessing now and I may be wrong but I don’t think that being bi and sub is the problem | |||
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"In a true 'D/s' relationship it's the sub who always has the actual 'control'. They vote with their feet, and if someone is pushing boundaries that aren't agreed, then they'll walk away. You can't be dominant without a willing partner. And you can't be submissive without someone who knows your limits " This is the truth 100% | |||
"In a true 'D/s' relationship it's the sub who always has the actual 'control'. They vote with their feet, and if someone is pushing boundaries that aren't agreed, then they'll walk away. You can't be dominant without a willing partner. And you can't be submissive without someone who knows your limits A Dom/me can vote with their feet too, if they don’t feel like the sub is suited to them, if the sub isn’t pleasing them, if they don’t enjoy owning the sub, they’ll leave. Dom/mes have limits too that they won’t want to be pushed, every relationship should have agreed limits, vanilla couples will discuss things they do and don’t like doing and discuss what they do and don’t want to do together. And you can’t be a sub without someone to serve. In my experience there are very few genuine Dom/mes compared to how many genuine subs there are so I think a sub would be more willing to settle for someone that isn’t perfect for them as they know how difficult it is to find a Dom/me at all. I’m not being argumentative, just giving an opposing view, I don’t think it’s as straightforward as saying a sub sets the limits and a sub can walk away from the relationship so therefore a sub has all the control. Plus, there are different types of control really, even when I’ve set strict limits and I know that I can walk away at any time so I feel in control in those regards, when I’ve been handcuffed to a radiator in the bathroom for an entire weekend I don’t feel like the one with the control… But you've agreed to that? Yes? Or else they've just held you hostage. At which point you need to report that to the police Yes, of course I’ve agreed to it, and the Domme agreed to do it to me, some Dommes may not want to do that to me…..the sub doesn’t dictate exactly what a Domme and sub do together, it’s a mutual decision, there will be things the sub wants to do that the Domme doesn’t so they don’t do it, and vice versa. In that regard the control is mutual, neither can make the other do something they don’t want to. So, as I said it's about mutual consent? And bottom line a sub gets to vote with their feet? Because if someone doesn't wish to submit... Then it's game over Yeah, and a Domme also gets to vote with their feet because if someone doesn’t want to dominate it’s also game over. I agree that it’s about mutual consent but you said that in a true D/s relationship it’s a sub that has actually control, which implies that the sub has all the control and the Domme has none. If you meant that the control is shared then you’d have said the sub has some control, or the sub also has control, or something like that. But saying the sub has the actual control doesn’t imply it’s shared control. " Of course both sides of the equation have choice. BUT, the submissive is the one who gives themselves to the D. With out that the D is nothing. Be under no illusions about who hold the cards and who has the power, not everything is as it appears to be. | |||
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"In D/s these days people are starting to talk of "exchange of authority" rather than of "exchange of power". The view being the sub always has power but it is a transfer of authority. What goes with this is that a Dom/mme has to have accepted authority without that there is no D/s relationship. The example I normally give is saying the sub has all the power is similar to saying the wife has all the power in a marriage because she can walk out. But so can a husband. I tend to think that to counteract the historical overblown position of the Dom/me the theory that subs have all the power was created. Especially as there was a view (a bit like marriage, once a sub was in a D/s dynamic they could not leave it, which is nonsense). In my experience a submissive craves the right form of dominance with the right person, hence you get service topping when the right Dom is absent. To adapt that phrase from the Joker, the Dom and sub should complete it each other in D/s and in the relationship. Therefore in my view, both have equal power in regard to the relationship. Then both have individual power over their own bodies and actions. But there should be the work done of understanding boundaries, agreed acts, limits needs and wants on both sides in a mutually agreed way to create a D/s relationship." You make a reasonable argument but when surely you must agree that the gift of submission comes from the submissive in the first place and therefore they are the one who has the power and authority to withdraw that gift. That's not to say that the D can't withdraw, if course they can but the gift always is given in one direction. | |||
"In D/s these days people are starting to talk of "exchange of authority" rather than of "exchange of power". The view being the sub always has power but it is a transfer of authority. What goes with this is that a Dom/mme has to have accepted authority without that there is no D/s relationship. The example I normally give is saying the sub has all the power is similar to saying the wife has all the power in a marriage because she can walk out. But so can a husband. I tend to think that to counteract the historical overblown position of the Dom/me the theory that subs have all the power was created. Especially as there was a view (a bit like marriage, once a sub was in a D/s dynamic they could not leave it, which is nonsense). In my experience a submissive craves the right form of dominance with the right person, hence you get service topping when the right Dom is absent. To adapt that phrase from the Joker, the Dom and sub should complete it each other in D/s and in the relationship. Therefore in my view, both have equal power in regard to the relationship. Then both have individual power over their own bodies and actions. But there should be the work done of understanding boundaries, agreed acts, limits needs and wants on both sides in a mutually agreed way to create a D/s relationship. You make a reasonable argument but when surely you must agree that the gift of submission comes from the submissive in the first place and therefore they are the one who has the power and authority to withdraw that gift. That's not to say that the D can't withdraw, if course they can but the gift always is given in one direction. " I would suggest, first there is an inherent contradiction in seeing submission as a gift. A gift cannot be taken back with good grace whereas submission can be revoked at any time with or without reason. I see submission as something precious and put in my care on trust. I would also suggest the gift comparison makes it seem as submission is worth more than dominance, why isn't dominance a gift? As others have said in this thread, a dominant does not have to accept a submissive. You see this on Fab,male subs seeking Dommes and the Dommes are not picking the bait. I also doubt if submissives would say they have the power in relation to a Mistress. I suspect a sub saying they have all the power will be no help if the Dom ends the relationship. In my view, saying the sub has the power relies on the sub being perfect and the Doms being to desperate to end the relationship. Both of which are not necessarily true. However this is kink and we don't have to agree. | |||
"Bit of a strange one. I am interested in hearing from people who have a submissive fetish. I am not a submissive or a dom but interested to hear how the fetish forms. I hope no-one gets upset, but I have a theory that people with a submissive fetish have had something bad happen when they were younger, the fetish gives a feeling of control. I believe that certain types of people who feel less than in someway may develop a dom fetish in order to gain control, and in certain sitatuions these people can be dangerous. It would be interesting to hear from people. " Likes and dislikes happen all the time, people have and acquire all manner of tastes for all manner of reasons - they keep, change and leave them. If you limit it to sex in finding (sub/dom) personality traits from 'good and bad' events, then your scope is a limited. Why would you not link it to TV habits, reading, intelligence, work status, seasons of year, nationality, nutrition? Any number of what ifs. Do you get you hair cut a certain way or do you change it - as you are comfortable based on past experience or want to change your appearance as you are never happy with it. (y/n) Do you buy the latest cars, clothes, gadgets or are you more frugal - because you cannot afford it or as you need social acceptance (y/n) Setting limits like 'good or bad' past experience can only give outcomes of yes or no (like the above) and gives false outcomes as a result. It could be a factor yes, but people are diverse, so many other factors could exist, eg they may want to explore and find themselves in either discovery or occasion - nothing to do with 'good or bad'. | |||
"In D/s these days people are starting to talk of "exchange of authority" rather than of "exchange of power". The view being the sub always has power but it is a transfer of authority. What goes with this is that a Dom/mme has to have accepted authority without that there is no D/s relationship. The example I normally give is saying the sub has all the power is similar to saying the wife has all the power in a marriage because she can walk out. But so can a husband. I tend to think that to counteract the historical overblown position of the Dom/me the theory that subs have all the power was created. Especially as there was a view (a bit like marriage, once a sub was in a D/s dynamic they could not leave it, which is nonsense). In my experience a submissive craves the right form of dominance with the right person, hence you get service topping when the right Dom is absent. To adapt that phrase from the Joker, the Dom and sub should complete it each other in D/s and in the relationship. Therefore in my view, both have equal power in regard to the relationship. Then both have individual power over their own bodies and actions. But there should be the work done of understanding boundaries, agreed acts, limits needs and wants on both sides in a mutually agreed way to create a D/s relationship. You make a reasonable argument but when surely you must agree that the gift of submission comes from the submissive in the first place and therefore they are the one who has the power and authority to withdraw that gift. That's not to say that the D can't withdraw, if course they can but the gift always is given in one direction. I would suggest, first there is an inherent contradiction in seeing submission as a gift. A gift cannot be taken back with good grace whereas submission can be revoked at any time with or without reason. I see submission as something precious and put in my care on trust. I would also suggest the gift comparison makes it seem as submission is worth more than dominance, why isn't dominance a gift? As others have said in this thread, a dominant does not have to accept a submissive. You see this on Fab,male subs seeking Dommes and the Dommes are not picking the bait. I also doubt if submissives would say they have the power in relation to a Mistress. I suspect a sub saying they have all the power will be no help if the Dom ends the relationship. In my view, saying the sub has the power relies on the sub being perfect and the Doms being to desperate to end the relationship. Both of which are not necessarily true. However this is kink and we don't have to agree." Oops edit "Doms being to desperate not to end the relationship." | |||
"In D/s these days people are starting to talk of "exchange of authority" rather than of "exchange of power". The view being the sub always has power but it is a transfer of authority. What goes with this is that a Dom/mme has to have accepted authority without that there is no D/s relationship. The example I normally give is saying the sub has all the power is similar to saying the wife has all the power in a marriage because she can walk out. But so can a husband. I tend to think that to counteract the historical overblown position of the Dom/me the theory that subs have all the power was created. Especially as there was a view (a bit like marriage, once a sub was in a D/s dynamic they could not leave it, which is nonsense). In my experience a submissive craves the right form of dominance with the right person, hence you get service topping when the right Dom is absent. To adapt that phrase from the Joker, the Dom and sub should complete it each other in D/s and in the relationship. Therefore in my view, both have equal power in regard to the relationship. Then both have individual power over their own bodies and actions. But there should be the work done of understanding boundaries, agreed acts, limits needs and wants on both sides in a mutually agreed way to create a D/s relationship. You make a reasonable argument but when surely you must agree that the gift of submission comes from the submissive in the first place and therefore they are the one who has the power and authority to withdraw that gift. That's not to say that the D can't withdraw, if course they can but the gift always is given in one direction. I would suggest, first there is an inherent contradiction in seeing submission as a gift. A gift cannot be taken back with good grace whereas submission can be revoked at any time with or without reason. I see submission as something precious and put in my care on trust. I would also suggest the gift comparison makes it seem as submission is worth more than dominance, why isn't dominance a gift? As others have said in this thread, a dominant does not have to accept a submissive. You see this on Fab,male subs seeking Dommes and the Dommes are not picking the bait. I also doubt if submissives would say they have the power in relation to a Mistress. I suspect a sub saying they have all the power will be no help if the Dom ends the relationship. In my view, saying the sub has the power relies on the sub being perfect and the Doms being to desperate to end the relationship. Both of which are not necessarily true. However this is kink and we don't have to agree." I completely agree, there is no right or wrong only difference. | |||
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"Bit of a strange one. I am interested in hearing from people who have a submissive fetish. I am not a submissive or a dom but interested to hear how the fetish forms. I hope no-one gets upset, but I have a theory that people with a submissive fetish have had something bad happen when they were younger, the fetish gives a feeling of control. I believe that certain types of people who feel less than in someway may develop a dom fetish in order to gain control, and in certain sitatuions these people can be dangerous. It would be interesting to hear from people. " While you may find some people that match your criteria, you will find that it is far from the norm and a stereotypical view point from outsiders looking in. Also not to be that guy, but submissive and Dominant types are more kinks or personality traits not fetishes. A fetish is where a thing (usually a non sexual thing) is needed for sexual satisfaction. While a kink is just different sexual preferences. | |||
"Another possible reason to be a sub, is that in their "real" life, they are an alpha, or have a lot of responsibilities with people depending on them for leadership. And being a sub is a way of relinquishing that , and letting someone else take charge. And the responsibility. Almost like a holiday from themselves " Yeah, I’d agree with this. It’s very relaxing and exciting to give up control for a while. Not all subs are damaged goods, far from it. | |||
"Bit of a strange one. I am interested in hearing from people who have a submissive fetish. I am not a submissive or a dom but interested to hear how the fetish forms. I hope no-one gets upset, but I have a theory that people with a submissive fetish have had something bad happen when they were younger, the fetish gives a feeling of control. I believe that certain types of people who feel less than in someway may develop a dom fetish in order to gain control, and in certain sitatuions these people can be dangerous. It would be interesting to hear from people. " We love this lifestyle but since meeting, we now love to switch. However, my wife prefers to be the sub, most of the time. When we both met 6 years ago we were both interested in BDSM. | |||
"Bit of a strange one. I am interested in hearing from people who have a submissive fetish. I am not a submissive or a dom but interested to hear how the fetish forms. I hope no-one gets upset, but I have a theory that people with a submissive fetish have had something bad happen when they were younger, the fetish gives a feeling of control. I believe that certain types of people who feel less than in someway may develop a dom fetish in order to gain control, and in certain sitatuions these people can be dangerous. It would be interesting to hear from people. " I'm submissive to most during a meet for fun. I don't know where it comes from with me as I had a very good childhood and some say privileged. It's the giving over control for the duration of a meet that excites me. | |||
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"My submission has always been a part of my personality. I've always been a people pleaser to a point, as I've aged it's turned in pleasing one. In my case, my submission is as much as part of me as my sexuality in that it was never in question. I was SA at 19. But I'd started submitting in relationships long before that. " I'm a switch but my sub side is the opposite to this. I'm feel my sub side is the opposite of my day to day and is all about letting go on control. I guess as a switch I'd never be in the Dom sub lifestyle 24/7 so it's about a change | |||
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"I think there is a lot of reasons why someone becomes a sub. The post where someone said a person who has a lot of responsibility may get a feeling of release when they are sub. On the other side of the story, if a person feels less than in someway, may want to be a dom, in certain situations this could be dangerous. " I'm not sure why you keep saying this could be dangerous? There is a million miles between a D/s relationship, and a DV relationship. One is formed/based on mutual consent and agreement. The other is an abusive act that one part has not agreed to enter, nor should have to endure as it's a criminal offence | |||
"I think there is a lot of reasons why someone becomes a sub. The post where someone said a person who has a lot of responsibility may get a feeling of release when they are sub. On the other side of the story, if a person feels less than in someway, may want to be a dom, in certain situations this could be dangerous. I'm not sure why you keep saying this could be dangerous? There is a million miles between a D/s relationship, and a DV relationship. One is formed/based on mutual consent and agreement. The other is an abusive act that one part has not agreed to enter, nor should have to endure as it's a criminal offence " I was referring to the mentality could evolved into a criminal act | |||
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"Both switch so what does that say "You know how to enjoy yourself  | |||
"Both switch so what does that say
You know how to enjoy yourself "Well put | |||
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