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Couple Dynamics
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To all couples on this site, I'm very interested to know what your "rules" are, how you got there, did the couple dynamics change during your time swinging etc. Anything related to your experience as swinging couples.
As a single male I had a lot of fun on here, both with other singles and couples. I have never thought or had a clear idea of how I would go about this type of fun with a partner who shares this as a fantasy/turn-on and would like to know more. |
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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire/Northwest |
We have been on and off here for 7 years and we have definitely changed. We started off soft swap and no kissing. Now I happy meet guys for hotwifing, some cuckhold, etc.
We never stick to one thing as our kinks and needs change but it's much more fun exploring our next boundary. |
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"We have been on and off here for 7 years and we have definitely changed. We started off soft swap and no kissing. Now I happy meet guys for hotwifing, some cuckhold, etc.
We never stick to one thing as our kinks and needs change but it's much more fun exploring our next boundary. "
Did you find that either of you reacted differently than you expected during your experiences?
Re: soft swapping, it has always seemed to me as a "test phase". I imagine that either both find they like it and move on to full swap or they decide swinging isn't for them. But I cannot imagine anyone sticking to it as a rule forever.
I feel like if you're turned-on by your partner enjoying another person then that's that. |
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"We met through the lifetsyle and were happy to continue to play as a couple and only as a couple.
We did start off with a no kissing rule, but that soon changed ha ha"
I definitely get the idea of only playing as a couple. How does it work in practice? I'm curious as to where the privacy boundary lies - if it does at all? Do you always chat to potential match ups as a couple, does either of you chat to potential meets privately? etc. |
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Another question that popped into my head.
I can see that most here probably progressed forward, getting deeper into swinging. But did any of you at any point decide to go back a couple of steps or add boundaries? |
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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire/Northwest |
We started soft because like you say we wanted to see how we would react (we are naturally chilled people) but didn't want any regrets, we could brush off oral and put it down to experience but our rules quite quickly changed because we loved it.
Thinking back to the early days compared to now is unrecognisable |
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"We started soft because like you say we wanted to see how we would react (we are naturally chilled people) but didn't want any regrets, we could brush off oral and put it down to experience but our rules quite quickly changed because we loved it.
Thinking back to the early days compared to now is unrecognisable "
I'm really curious to know how you feel different after 7 years, but I'll understand if it's too private. |
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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire/Northwest |
"Another question that popped into my head.
I can see that most here probably progressed forward, getting deeper into swinging. But did any of you at any point decide to go back a couple of steps or add boundaries?"
No, it would seem pretty tame but I understand some couples do if they have had a bad experience. We have adapted from bad experiences, we no longer plan to meet couples as 4 way dynamic is difficult but if we hit it off at a club then great. We find planned couple meets difficult because if you don't click its just awkward especially if you don't get much free time. |
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"Another question that popped into my head.
I can see that most here probably progressed forward, getting deeper into swinging. But did any of you at any point decide to go back a couple of steps or add boundaries?
No, it would seem pretty tame but I understand some couples do if they have had a bad experience. We have adapted from bad experiences, we no longer plan to meet couples as 4 way dynamic is difficult but if we hit it off at a club then great. We find planned couple meets difficult because if you don't click its just awkward especially if you don't get much free time. "
That's interesting. Is it because it's possible only two or three of the group get on instead of all four? |
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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire/Northwest |
"
I'm really curious to know how you feel different after 7 years, but I'll understand if it's too private. "
We know what we want more, not as shy. Happy to say look it's not working without feeling guilty.
Also going from soft swap to gangbangs/cuckhold/meeting alone/ dynamics as a couple etc is a big jump.
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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire/Northwest |
"
That's interesting. Is it because it's possible only two or three of the group get on instead of all four?"
Sorry feel like I'm taking over your thread! It's not an issue when it's mmmf as it's purely kink but mfmf it's more social and I'm naturally chatty so if we kik it is 99% me, my husband and the other guy and the other female doesn't talk much so when we meet I know the guy pretty well but my partner doesn't have that rapport. |
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"We met through the lifetsyle and were happy to continue to play as a couple and only as a couple.
We did start off with a no kissing rule, but that soon changed ha ha
I definitely get the idea of only playing as a couple. How does it work in practice? I'm curious as to where the privacy boundary lies - if it does at all? Do you always chat to potential match ups as a couple, does either of you chat to potential meets privately? etc. "
We both access the site and we chat only here before any meet! We might set up a group chat after a social meet and we trust each other not to chat outside that!
Same goes for meeting, always together! |
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"
I'm really curious to know how you feel different after 7 years, but I'll understand if it's too private.
We know what we want more, not as shy. Happy to say look it's not working without feeling guilty.
Also going from soft swap to gangbangs/cuckhold/meeting alone/ dynamics as a couple etc is a big jump.
"
Gangbanging for the first time must be a crazy experience for the couple involved...also meeting alone. Guilty towards telling each other something doesn't work or towards the people you played with?
Don't worry about dominating the thread and thanks a lot for responding so far. If anything what you've written might resonate or not with other people's experiences! |
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"We met through the lifetsyle and were happy to continue to play as a couple and only as a couple.
We did start off with a no kissing rule, but that soon changed ha ha
I definitely get the idea of only playing as a couple. How does it work in practice? I'm curious as to where the privacy boundary lies - if it does at all? Do you always chat to potential match ups as a couple, does either of you chat to potential meets privately? etc.
We both access the site and we chat only here before any meet! We might set up a group chat after a social meet and we trust each other not to chat outside that!
Same goes for meeting, always together!"
It makes a lot of sense to do it this way, in my mind. I always wondered about how couples who let each other chat in private with their play partners dealt with it. You must be extremely secure and open about your relationship to be okay with that in my mind. |
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"Our needs have evolved after six years and we now prefer bi white males for cuckold meets with lots of sucking and kissing. Safe sex always and cum is a no no for her x kissing is a must "
Must no or must yes? I totally get the safe sex thing. |
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We are still very new but even we've had subtle shifts already I feel.
Chatting wise. I (F) do most of the talking especially to the single guys.
We've only ever played as a 4some so far. Was full swap right from the start.
Looking forward to trying 3somes for the different dynamics. |
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"We met through the lifetsyle and were happy to continue to play as a couple and only as a couple.
We did start off with a no kissing rule, but that soon changed ha ha
I definitely get the idea of only playing as a couple. How does it work in practice? I'm curious as to where the privacy boundary lies - if it does at all? Do you always chat to potential match ups as a couple, does either of you chat to potential meets privately? etc.
We both access the site and we chat only here before any meet! We might set up a group chat after a social meet and we trust each other not to chat outside that!
Same goes for meeting, always together!
It makes a lot of sense to do it this way, in my mind. I always wondered about how couples who let each other chat in private with their play partners dealt with it. You must be extremely secure and open about your relationship to be okay with that in my mind. "
I've only ever taken chats to an different platform 3 times and Mr would have been able to look at and read them at any time if he wanted to. |
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Our rules are no taking one for the team, no kissing casual partners and if one says no we both say no. Oh also I don't like receiving oral so I don't
For personal reasons we've moved from full swap to soft swap and there have been subtle shifts as we've made mistakes along the way. Basically though things have remained essentially the same |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am part of a couple.. we use to only play together no kissing etc etc no single guys.. over the years we've changed.. no kissing rule went ( stupid rule for me I love kissing ) we then took a break, came back after a few years. We now both meet solo, and together just depends on our mood, situation, schedule etc etc we only chat via here, both know who, when and where etc when we meet solo. Works for us. We did have a couple profile but just single ones now. Works for us |
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"We met through the lifetsyle and were happy to continue to play as a couple and only as a couple.
We did start off with a no kissing rule, but that soon changed ha ha
I definitely get the idea of only playing as a couple. How does it work in practice? I'm curious as to where the privacy boundary lies - if it does at all? Do you always chat to potential match ups as a couple, does either of you chat to potential meets privately? etc.
We both access the site and we chat only here before any meet! We might set up a group chat after a social meet and we trust each other not to chat outside that!
Same goes for meeting, always together!
It makes a lot of sense to do it this way, in my mind. I always wondered about how couples who let each other chat in private with their play partners dealt with it. You must be extremely secure and open about your relationship to be okay with that in my mind. "
Sorry can't answer that one as we don't play seperate!
Yes we are and seem to recall an agreement that if either one did chat without the other knowing, we would stop swinging , then deal with why it happened! |
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From day 1 over 21 years ago K was very open that she was bi and was happy if I played with others as she would be wanting a open relationship and wanting to play with others.
Then about 8 years ago we joined here and started playing as a couple and as well as singles.
Still remember her dragging me to LBGT club and K letting me kiss a straight girl there whilst handing her hand.
I normally ask if she is OK with the girls I meet sometimes she will say no but not often, but with I don't stop her if she wants them I am happy for her to play with them.
So to sum it up we both love each other and trust each other. |
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It was Mr R who raised the idea of swinging and we tried it several years back but with mixed results and I decided it wasn't for me so we came off the site as we'd agreed we would swing as a couple but not seperately. Several years on and I'm the one who's suggested we give it another go. We have always said that we are happy with full swap depending on what the people we meet with want, but we only tend to consider meets where kissing is ok as it gets us going and we personally don't see kissing as more/less intimate than sex. Asides from that we play as a couple and both read messages/decide on who we want to meet. |
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We just had a late night discussion about our kinks and fantasies that became wide ranging. Discussed group sex and decided to get out there and play. Long discussion about our "rules" and really the only one we have is we only ever play together and in the same room. Never separately as it's all about adding to our sex and seeing each other.
It was all about communication, honesty and horniess  |
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We had the chat about fantasies and here we are, rules we don't really have many, I think the main one is if one of us isn't interested it's a no, there's no taking one for the team, things have changed since joining, originally looking for single woman, we have met some lovely ladies, and now interested couples although I (Mrs) am extremely picky with men, soon as the cock pics flow I'm outa there, so that's difficult to find.
Mrs |
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"We have been on and off here for 7 year and we have definitely changed. We started off soft swap and no kissing. Now I happy meet guys for hotwifing, some cuckhold, etc.
We never stick to one thing as our kinks and needs change but it's much more fun exploring our next boundary.
Did you find that either of you reacted differently than you expected during your experiences?
Re: soft swapping, it has always seemed to me as a "test phase". I imagine that either both find they like it and move on to full swap or they decide swinging isn't for them. But I cannot imagine anyone sticking to it as a rule forever.
I feel like if you're turned-on by your partner enjoying another person then that's that. "
We have been here 10 years, started no kissing, both straight and soft swap (own partner penetration only). The kissing went in a week Mrs found she kissed a girl and liked it after 4 weeks We have been together since age 16. Before this hobby we never played away. Penetration remains for us only! We cannot see that changing and no thoughts of quitting our naughty hobby and still love sharing one another on a fairly regular basis. Dont find it boring unless the playmates are.
  |
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We started soft swap only, no kissing. That didn’t last long and it’s fair to say our boundaries have flexed. However, with us it’s always a suck it and see proposition. Sometimes it’s very chaste, but it can get wild too. Our newbie selves would have had a heart attack if they saw the antics that we got up to on the round bed in Chams last Friday.
So in summary boundaries are forever moving |
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"We met through the lifetsyle and were happy to continue to play as a couple and only as a couple.
We did start off with a no kissing rule, but that soon changed ha ha
I definitely get the idea of only playing as a couple. How does it work in practice? I'm curious as to where the privacy boundary lies - if it does at all? Do you always chat to potential match ups as a couple, does either of you chat to potential meets privately? etc.
We both access the site and we chat only here before any meet! We might set up a group chat after a social meet and we trust each other not to chat outside that!
Same goes for meeting, always together!
It makes a lot of sense to do it this way, in my mind. I always wondered about how couples who let each other chat in private with their play partners dealt with it. You must be extremely secure and open about your relationship to be okay with that in my mind.
I've only ever taken chats to an different platform 3 times and Mr would have been able to look at and read them at any time if he wanted to. "
I assume at some point things get flirty right? Physical attraction relies on that a lot after all too. So how does this end up affecting things with the Mr? I've always been very curious about this. |
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"I am part of a couple.. we use to only play together no kissing etc etc no single guys.. over the years we've changed.. no kissing rule went ( stupid rule for me I love kissing ) we then took a break, came back after a few years. We now both meet solo, and together just depends on our mood, situation, schedule etc etc we only chat via here, both know who, when and where etc when we meet solo. Works for us. We did have a couple profile but just single ones now. Works for us"
Where do you draw the line in an arrangement of this sort? I mean does it eventually approach polyamory or you guys stick to casual sex with the people you chat to? |
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"We just had a late night discussion about our kinks and fantasies that became wide ranging. Discussed group sex and decided to get out there and play. Long discussion about our "rules" and really the only one we have is we only ever play together and in the same room. Never separately as it's all about adding to our sex and seeing each other.
It was all about communication, honesty and horniess "
Despite swinging single for a long time, the only way I was able to "stomach" swinging as a couple is how you describe it - as an enhancement to the couple's sex. Almost the same function a sex toy or set of lingerie adds. |
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"We have been on and off here for 7 year and we have definitely changed. We started off soft swap and no kissing. Now I happy meet guys for hotwifing, some cuckhold, etc.
We never stick to one thing as our kinks and needs change but it's much more fun exploring our next boundary.
Did you find that either of you reacted differently than you expected during your experiences?
Re: soft swapping, it has always seemed to me as a "test phase". I imagine that either both find they like it and move on to full swap or they decide swinging isn't for them. But I cannot imagine anyone sticking to it as a rule forever.
I feel like if you're turned-on by your partner enjoying another person then that's that.
We have been here 10 years, started no kissing, both straight and soft swap (own partner penetration only). The kissing went in a week Mrs found she kissed a girl and liked it after 4 weeks We have been together since age 16. Before this hobby we never played away. Penetration remains for us only! We cannot see that changing and no thoughts of quitting our naughty hobby and still love sharing one another on a fairly regular basis. Dont find it boring unless the playmates are.
"
This is why I love the forum and getting everyone's opinion I would have never guessed a no-penetration rule could last so long but it's amazing to see how different each person/couple is. It's about keeping something intimate "reserved" between you? |
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we met on here after both having single profiles
Hubby loves that I prefer ladies
I love that Hubby is exploring his likes and dislikes
our rule is we never meet alone, same room swaps only, other than that, most things go! |
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"We have been on and off here for 7 year and we have definitely changed. We started off soft swap and no kissing. Now I happy meet guys for hotwifing, some cuckhold, etc.
We never stick to one thing as our kinks and needs change but it's much more fun exploring our next boundary.
Did you find that either of you reacted differently than you expected during your experiences?
Re: soft swapping, it has always seemed to me as a "test phase". I imagine that either both find they like it and move on to full swap or they decide swinging isn't for them. But I cannot imagine anyone sticking to it as a rule forever.
I feel like if you're turned-on by your partner enjoying another person then that's that.
We have been here 10 years, started no kissing, both straight and soft swap (own partner penetration only). The kissing went in a week Mrs found she kissed a girl and liked it after 4 weeks We have been together since age 16. Before this hobby we never played away. Penetration remains for us only! We cannot see that changing and no thoughts of quitting our naughty hobby and still love sharing one another on a fairly regular basis. Dont find it boring unless the playmates are.
This is why I love the forum and getting everyone's opinion I would have never guessed a no-penetration rule could last so long but it's amazing to see how different each person/couple is. It's about keeping something intimate "reserved" between you? "
We are the same and don't see that changing anytime soon as to us it is precisely that OP, keeping that intimacy between us only |
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"We have been on and off here for 7 year and we have definitely changed. We started off soft swap and no kissing. Now I happy meet guys for hotwifing, some cuckhold, etc.
We never stick to one thing as our kinks and needs change but it's much more fun exploring our next boundary.
Did you find that either of you reacted differently than you expected during your experiences?
Re: soft swapping, it has always seemed to me as a "test phase". I imagine that either both find they like it and move on to full swap or they decide swinging isn't for them. But I cannot imagine anyone sticking to it as a rule forever.
I feel like if you're turned-on by your partner enjoying another person then that's that.
We have been here 10 years, started no kissing, both straight and soft swap (own partner penetration only). The kissing went in a week Mrs found she kissed a girl and liked it after 4 weeks We have been together since age 16. Before this hobby we never played away. Penetration remains for us only! We cannot see that changing and no thoughts of quitting our naughty hobby and still love sharing one another on a fairly regular basis. Dont find it boring unless the playmates are.
This is why I love the forum and getting everyone's opinion I would have never guessed a no-penetration rule could last so long but it's amazing to see how different each person/couple is. It's about keeping something intimate "reserved" between you?
We are the same and don't see that changing anytime soon as to us it is precisely that OP, keeping that intimacy between us only "
So, if I may be so nosy...What does soft-swap satisfy for you guys? Is it the curiosity to see and feel different bodies/play partners or to see your partner being enjoyed by (or enjoying) someone else?
I find swinging so fascinating, because under this term you can find everything except pure old fashioned monogamy. |
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"Curious for any more opinions / perspectives!"
I think for us as a couple it was initially baby steps, both not sure what we'd feel seeing the other with another...first soft play we knew we liked it...always been a go with the flow rather than rules or safe words...but I suppose we'd known we ll all get on if arranging a meet etc...the only thing that has stayed the same is Willy being straight  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We started looking for couples and single men as we have wanted to broaden our horizons.
We have now decided it’s best to meet single men as my my husband only likes to join in/watch with me so don’t leave much room for couples.
We now much prefer our new choice and a much better fit for us |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Every couple is different. We started swinging 7 years ago and our rules have definitely changed since we started, however, communication and honesty is key. Our fundamental rule is as long as we’re both happy and having fun, but it’s up to us to say open and honestly if that’s not the case. We tell each other everything, no matter how small the matter is |
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