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BDSM. Does it need to be painful
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By *avid 50 OP Man
over a year ago
kendal |
I replied to a topic on BDSM saying I enjoyed receiving and giving BDSM but I personally don’t enjoy extreme pain or my body being marked. I received several replies mainly from ladies who would like to try BDSM but haven’t indulged because of those same worries , fear of being marked and pain They wanted to endure submissive nature of the act and respond to the obedience required, the thrill they wanted was the sexual arousal , control of movement and forced timing of orgasms or coming.
Perhaps there is a place for less aggressive BDSM. ? |
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No it doesn't have to be painful, I'm not into pain but enjoy the more sensual side of BDSM, restraining the Mr, teasing him, floggers etc can be used to stimulate the senses not just to cause pain.
Mrs |
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By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago
Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work) |
Bondage doesn’t need to be painful at all. Dominance and submission are far more than spanking/being spanked. Find people you can be comfy with to explore. I loved my time on the fet site and they had many socials too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Impact etc are only one part of BDSM. Some types of BDSM (eg mental dominance) dint even have to be physical. It’s best when discussing BDSM & kink to be extremely specific about what you’re interested in trying & what your limits are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its a common misconception that BDSM involves extreme pain, whips, clamps, etc.
Yes, there are people who do take it to the extreme, and who feed off the endorphins released.
But there are so many facets, preferences, and levels.
BDSM can be incredibly sensual and intense.
Chatting is important, about what each person wants.
Especially if one party is very nervous. Whether its body confidence, or a step into the unknown.
The more relaxed they are, the more they will enjoy it. The more they enjoy it, the more intense the pleasure.
The sub, for want of a better word, is placing a lot of trust in the Dom(me). Especially in the first few meetings.
Tie and tease, especially if blindfolded, can send the senses into overdrive.
Just start of slow, be patient, and dont rush.
Be attentive, and watch how your partner reacts to what you are doing.
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I've been doing a bit of dungeon work with Miss where I get tied to a cross naked. There have been the occasional slap on the butt with a paddle, fingernails down my back or chest, collar tied round my neck, but it's not about the pain or even being sub/dom. It's a trust exercise, I give myself over completely to her control, knowing she will never hurt me. It's hugely empowering for both of us and makes our bond unbreakable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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as others are saying, BDSM has so many different subsections, and you take from each what *you* want.
i personally like having pain inflicted upon me, it's part of the way *i* like to play when in those situations, with people who enjoy it too.
as long as it's safe, sane, and consensual.
you only do what you want to do OP.  Px |
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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
I am not into pain or humiliation but being blindfolded and restrained is incredible for heightening the senses. Shibari and rope play in particular are exquisite imho. The ritual, the gradual loss of physical freedom and the anticipation of what is to come and of submitting to whatever the other person wants to do (within agreed limits) is incredibly erotic. |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
I will be honest I do have a sadistic streak, but that doesn't necessarily mean any scene has to involve pain.
Combine restraints with sensory deprivation (blindfold), add in fur, feathers, ice, heat, floggers, all used in a sensual way.
Toys to tease and control their orgasm.
There doesn't have to be pain, that is only one aspect. |
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It definitely does not need to involve pain. Impact, needles etc are what some subs enjoy but not all. Rope play, restraints, blindfolds and the miriad of mind games don't involve pain but are definitely in the spectrum of BDSM and kink.
Just go in with an open mind and the confidence to say what you like and don't like. Have fun. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"I replied to a topic on BDSM saying I enjoyed receiving and giving BDSM but I personally don’t enjoy extreme pain or my body being marked. I received several replies mainly from ladies who would like to try BDSM but haven’t indulged because of those same worries , fear of being marked and pain They wanted to endure submissive nature of the act and respond to the obedience required, the thrill they wanted was the sexual arousal , control of movement and forced timing of orgasms or coming.
Perhaps there is a place for less aggressive BDSM. ? "
There are many facets to bdsm and when I read sentences like 'not into pain more into the submissive, obedience side', it seems too blue sky thinking.
If your mindset ultimately put you in a state where you can submit to say paddling or pain of any type, once that has been given/received (to a large extent) play is over.
The idea that playing with someone's mindset for obedience extends far beyond play, and is far more extreme in my view as it's more ingrained and long lasting.
It doesn't stop at one time play, it is a curated set of rules, actions and choices that change behaviour. Something that unless you're in a very long term relationship, the submissive will be left holding should the other up and leave.
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Impact etc are only one part of BDSM. Some types of BDSM (eg mental dominance) dint even have to be physical. It’s best when discussing BDSM & kink to be extremely specific about what you’re interested in trying & what your limits are. "
The mental side is much more fun & interesting in my opinion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You don't have to tick every box of every letter on the B, D, S and M smorgasbord. It's very much a please yourself sampler platter 
I would hazard a guess that the fully sadist and fully masochist players are outliers in a happy minority but the 'otherness' of these grabs the headlines.
Many will use dominance and submission in their sex lives and not label it that but it's a lot more accessible and mainstream than you'd perhaps imagine.
Have fun exploring and above all communicate effectively, share your likes and dislikes respectfully  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bdsm between consentinv adults is what they make it and does not have to equate to what others consider bdsm
There are many who would say they are not kinky but some of their fun play could be described as being on the edges of bdsm.
Also different play with different people can generate different responses. Some of my play has been about pain, some about control, some about bondage. It depends on the person, the occasion and the mindset. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm on the fet scene and am not a pain-whore in any sense. I despise pain.
It's like a spectrum, doesn't always have to be the stereotypical pain scenarios.  |
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BDSM
Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masichism.
So you would struggle to not have any of the giving and receiving of pain/punishment as that's the "SM" part. But the B&D part absolutely can be non painful and very sensual.
You can separate sub/Dom from the BDSM world, I think this is where you are coming from (but everyone throws it all into the one acronym and world).
Submission in itself is a mental act not a physical one. It can be all sensual, even non physical, a submissive submits to and their pleasure comes from pleasing their Dominant, the Dominant in turn can reward and punish their sub if they do not, but the punishment does not have to a physical punishment, retracting their attention or ignoring them is often enough.
It's a wonderful world! golden rule is, find your "normal" and don't let anyone else tell you what you should and should not be doing!
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"I replied to a topic on BDSM saying I enjoyed receiving and giving BDSM but I personally don’t enjoy extreme pain or my body being marked. I received several replies mainly from ladies who would like to try BDSM but haven’t indulged because of those same worries , fear of being marked and pain They wanted to endure submissive nature of the act and respond to the obedience required, the thrill they wanted was the sexual arousal , control of movement and forced timing of orgasms or coming.
Perhaps there is a place for less aggressive BDSM. ? "
Sounds like you are probably looking more for a Dom/sub kind of arrangement rather than true BDSM. Where you have the domination and control without the pain.
Kink in any form is customisable and you make it fit what you want.
As long as all parties are consenting and know where the lines and limits are with lots of good communication you can make it work for you in whatever way you wish. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"
BDSM
Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masichism.
So you would struggle to not have any of the giving and receiving of pain/punishment as that's the "SM" part. But the B&D part absolutely can be non painful and very sensual.
You can separate sub/Dom from the BDSM world, I think this is where you are coming from (but everyone throws it all into the one acronym and world).
Submission in itself is a mental act not a physical one. It can be all sensual, even non physical, a submissive submits to and their pleasure comes from pleasing their Dominant, the Dominant in turn can reward and punish their sub if they do not, but the punishment does not have to a physical punishment, retracting their attention or ignoring them is often enough.
It's a wonderful world! golden rule is, find your "normal" and don't let anyone else tell you what you should and should not be doing!
"
There are levels of pain though. The men I've come across who started to think I'm their sub always wanted cause a lot of pain.
Like using a belt, or biting until they drew blood. This was without any discussion; they thought anything goes. |
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"
BDSM
Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masichism.
So you would struggle to not have any of the giving and receiving of pain/punishment as that's the "SM" part. But the B&D part absolutely can be non painful and very sensual.
You can separate sub/Dom from the BDSM world, I think this is where you are coming from (but everyone throws it all into the one acronym and world).
Submission in itself is a mental act not a physical one. It can be all sensual, even non physical, a submissive submits to and their pleasure comes from pleasing their Dominant, the Dominant in turn can reward and punish their sub if they do not, but the punishment does not have to a physical punishment, retracting their attention or ignoring them is often enough.
It's a wonderful world! golden rule is, find your "normal" and don't let anyone else tell you what you should and should not be doing!
There are levels of pain though. The men I've come across who started to think I'm their sub always wanted cause a lot of pain.
Like using a belt, or biting until they drew blood. This was without any discussion; they thought anything goes."
As a general rule a D/s dynamic can only work with lots of communication. They should not be doing anything that is going to cause pain without prior discussion of limits.
I am a sub but anyone who wouldn’t dicuss limits and agree to stay within me boundaries prior to play would not get to meet me.
BDSM still requires full consent, it is not a free pass to abuse someone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Kink and BDSM lifestyle for me and those I seek to interact with on that level is about communication, openness and being non judgemental.
I think most people don’t really know what BDSM actually means. Discipline doesn’t mean there is a necessity to apply or receive pain.
I would say If you’re a person feeling unfulfilled, that the people you interact with aren’t showing a great deal of depth, I would certainly encourage you to explore kink bdsm. |
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Dominance CAN overlap with sadism, as submission CAN overlap with masochism, but it can often work the other way, or be a minor factor,or utterly absent.
I've used restraint, some basic rope play, wax, spanking, ice, a belt,once electroplay...but most of my experience as a Dominant has been nothing to do with any of that. Most of those aspects were requests from submissives in clubs, not things I would regularly do with a partner, though all can be fascinating at times, with the right person, and in the right setting.
D/s is at the core of my life and personality. Like Zen, or feminism, it isn't a set of practices so much as a way of seeing and making sense of the world, and human sexual relationships in particular. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Dominance CAN overlap with sadism, as submission CAN overlap with masochism, but it can often work the other way, or be a minor factor,or utterly absent.
I've used restraint, some basic rope play, wax, spanking, ice, a belt,once electroplay...but most of my experience as a Dominant has been nothing to do with any of that. Most of those aspects were requests from submissives in clubs, not things I would regularly do with a partner, though all can be fascinating at times, with the right person, and in the right setting.
D/s is at the core of my life and personality. Like Zen, or feminism, it isn't a set of practices so much as a way of seeing and making sense of the world, and human sexual relationships in particular."
You write/speak so beautifully on this topic El. It's a poetic ab initio course on BDSM in your world and a joy to read. |
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"
You write/speak so beautifully on this topic El. It's a poetic ab initio course on BDSM in your world and a joy to read. "
That's a disarmingly lovely thing for you to say, Meli. Thank you. 'In your world' is key, of course - I can only speak for myself. But I'm so happy to learn it means something to you.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think it does, but most men who think I'm a sub seem to think it does.
To me, they are people who feel inadequate, or had a terrible mother, and want to take it out on a woman.
"
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Oh absolutely.
Just like I can be a masochist and enjoy the pain without a single ounce of submission.
There's no one true way for any of this stuff. You just need to find the people you're compatible with. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"
BDSM
Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masichism.
So you would struggle to not have any of the giving and receiving of pain/punishment as that's the "SM" part. But the B&D part absolutely can be non painful and very sensual.
You can separate sub/Dom from the BDSM world, I think this is where you are coming from (but everyone throws it all into the one acronym and world).
Submission in itself is a mental act not a physical one. It can be all sensual, even non physical, a submissive submits to and their pleasure comes from pleasing their Dominant, the Dominant in turn can reward and punish their sub if they do not, but the punishment does not have to a physical punishment, retracting their attention or ignoring them is often enough.
It's a wonderful world! golden rule is, find your "normal" and don't let anyone else tell you what you should and should not be doing!
There are levels of pain though. The men I've come across who started to think I'm their sub always wanted cause a lot of pain.
Like using a belt, or biting until they drew blood. This was without any discussion; they thought anything goes.
As a general rule a D/s dynamic can only work with lots of communication. They should not be doing anything that is going to cause pain without prior discussion of limits.
I am a sub but anyone who wouldn’t dicuss limits and agree to stay within me boundaries prior to play would not get to meet me.
BDSM still requires full consent, it is not a free pass to abuse someone. "
The thing was, I wasn't their sub, they just assumed because I'm passive and naturally submissive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People do spend altogether too much time concerning themselves with how everyone else does it and miss out on the chance to please themselves. It's a shame really.
Some get very wound up about BDSM too and what's 'allowed' or not. Trying to school others or shame others for drawing their own lines or making their own interpretations etc.
Human nature strikes again I suppose.
I made the grievous error of saying 'true dom' once 
Who knew that was a trigger for some. But that's how I see the difference in those who have that certain indescribable something, that element, in their character that just flips a switch in me.... can't be learned or faked. Just is. Just true natural dom. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I don't think it does, but most men who think I'm a sub seem to think it does.
To me, they are people who feel inadequate, or had a terrible mother, and want to take it out on a woman.
"
Or just cunts who want to watch the world burn? |
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"The best sub task I ever came up with was to send me a new song each day that was meaningful.
Now we have an amazing playlist called Task. "
I just had to say this is a great task and I bet the playlist is awesome |
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I agree with what has been said many times already in this thread. There are so many aspects to bdsm and pain is just one small part.
What most people forget is in any D/s relationship or play session the sub has the ultimate control with a safe word, use that and everthing stops. If your playing with a "Dom" and you dont have an agreed safe word walk away. I will not do anything with a sub if they dont have one.
As has been said before play safe and enjoy it. |
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By *ampire69Man
over a year ago
Birmingham West Midlands |
BDSM does not have to be painful not at all, often its about one person having control over another person, master and subservient, any couples or female want to indulge call me xxx
Birmingham West Midlands |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely doesn't need to be painful, infact cemetery the opposite. I love both being submissive but theres alot of pleasure to be had when you have a lady in restraints teasing and pleasuring her in all sorts of ways. You should always set boundaries and take it slowly too and communicate with each other throughout. The appropriate attire also helps to set the scene. BDSM isn't all about pain infact I've found it to be completely the opposite and very enjoyable for all involved. Relax communicate, set boundaries and use a safe word to know when it's time to stop is my advice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People do spend altogether too much time concerning themselves with how everyone else does it and miss out on the chance to please themselves. It's a shame really.
Some get very wound up about BDSM too and what's 'allowed' or not. Trying to school others or shame others for drawing their own lines or making their own interpretations etc.
Human nature strikes again I suppose.
I made the grievous error of saying 'true dom' once
Who knew that was a trigger for some. But that's how I see the difference in those who have that certain indescribable something, that element, in their character that just flips a switch in me.... can't be learned or faked. Just is. Just true natural dom."
No such thing as a true natural dom. |
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50 shades of grey ruined bdsm. Kink is more than pain. It’s a myriad of things.
I’d implore anyone who was reluctant to try it because of whatever hang up to go to a munch. Very wholesome social meets for those who love kink. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No it doesn't have to be painful, I'm not into pain but enjoy the more sensual side of BDSM, restraining the Mr, teasing him, floggers etc can be used to stimulate the senses not just to cause pain.
Mrs "
We too love this part of BDSM. Especially restraint on bed and on over door St Andrew’s Cross. Blindfolded fantastic |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the best out come for it all is time between a Dominant and Submissive. Given time and learning each others want and often unknown need's, as well as earning trust can take you to places unknown. Pain often scares people, but in the right mind and person it can be exquisite. As well as all other sensory levels. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"50 shades of grey ruined bdsm. Kink is more than pain. It’s a myriad of things.
I’d implore anyone who was reluctant to try it because of whatever hang up to go to a munch. Very wholesome social meets for those who love kink."
50 shades bought bdsm conversation into the mainstream. And for me , that’s no bad thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The mind play with power/ control & compliance/ restrictions, exploring boundaries is equally as hot & important to me, as the physical elements is restraints, impact play, sensory overload & denial.
Physical connections are easier to find than mind connections, & everything is ubderpinned with open/ safe space communication.
My tuppence worth...
Sin xo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"50 shades of grey ruined bdsm. Kink is more than pain. It’s a myriad of things.
I’d implore anyone who was reluctant to try it because of whatever hang up to go to a munch. Very wholesome social meets for those who love kink.
50 shades bought bdsm conversation into the mainstream. And for me , that’s no bad thing. "
I think they portrayed him more as a sadist which gave the average guy wanting to try BDSM out the wrong idea. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"50 shades of grey ruined bdsm. Kink is more than pain. It’s a myriad of things.
I’d implore anyone who was reluctant to try it because of whatever hang up to go to a munch. Very wholesome social meets for those who love kink.
50 shades bought bdsm conversation into the mainstream. And for me , that’s no bad thing. "
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"50 shades of grey ruined bdsm. Kink is more than pain. It’s a myriad of things.
I’d implore anyone who was reluctant to try it because of whatever hang up to go to a munch. Very wholesome social meets for those who love kink.
50 shades bought bdsm conversation into the mainstream. And for me , that’s no bad thing. "
Me either. At least kink is talked about now.
But to add my pennies worth…
BDSM play and D/s are 2 very different things.
To answer the OPs question pain isn’t always involved in kink play. It’s entirely what is agreed to by the parties involved, considering SSC and RACK beforehand and always before. Not during.
D/s or M/s or other types of BDSM relationships of any kind aren’t about play. They are evolved in the mind and only ever acted upon when both parties agree to these.
I’ve had the absolute pleasure of being involved with both and for me, as long as kink play is consensual then explore and understand what is right for you both. Just because you are a D or s type does not mean you don’t get an input and tbh it wouldn’t be a power exchange, even in play, if you didn’t.
D/s for me is entirely in the mind before anything else so play does only come into it as a consequence of this. Not a prerequisite  |
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Absolutely not! Bdsm is more of a mental/sensation stimulation. However, you can cross over sexually.
I come from a bdsm background, those whom are uneducated tend to fall into the wrong hands. I've seen many people fall victim to this kind of lifestyle.  |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
I have to give the usual qualification that everyone is entitled to do BDSM their own way and this is my own view and people are entitled to their own view.
I really try to be positive and helpful in BDSM threads, but I find thos thread difficult in a number of ways. Therefore I echo Enigmatic x Divinity.
I wish people would get educated before getting involved or starting in kink interactions. If they did they would learn about knowing themselves and knowing their boundaries. They would know that before doing a scene or starting a relationship there should be clear communication of what is to happen.
Safe Sane Consensual was succeeded by Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) which is being succeeded by Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink (PRICK) i.e do your research,or in other words you are your own safety officer.
Before we used the phrase "power exchange" but those who accept the modern approach to BDSM are talking about "authority transfer". A submissive always has power/agency but it's a transfer of authority that occurs. Of course old school BDSM has a different approach but that should be discussed and if not acceptable rejected.
My other wish is that people did not say "BDSM[/D/s] is not only about pain" but said "The way I do BDSM[D/s] does not involve pain". In my experience more people are into sensual play than hard play.
I did note that pain was mentioned and not sex. I have had great impact scenes with no sex or orgasms involved.
My experience is that BDSM[D/s] is whatever anyone and their partners make it. It's not what others do, it's what you want to do.
All we can talk about is our own experience, so when people say it is all in the mind I have to disagree. My view is that it is a 50/50 thing. The submissives and bottoms I have interacted with expect a certain level of performance/ability from the Top/ Dominant. Whether it is impact, rope, or service generally the submissive or bottom will expect tasks or actions to perform,or actions performed on them to enable them to feel submissive. Even if you stripped out all impact, tasks and service, submissives usually have their behaviour and speech modified, these are all physical manifestations.
Whenever anyone offers sensual domination,I think of the guys at naturist clubs offering massages.
I think a skilled Top!/ Dominant can do different styles.
Anyway feel free to disagree, I have a view as my experience tends to differ from others, but I think the alternative should be aired.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have to give the usual qualification that everyone is entitled to do BDSM their own way and this is my own view and people are entitled to their own view.
I really try to be positive and helpful in BDSM threads, but I find thos thread difficult in a number of ways. Therefore I echo Enigmatic x Divinity.
I wish people would get educated before getting involved or starting in kink interactions. If they did they would learn about knowing themselves and knowing their boundaries. They would know that before doing a scene or starting a relationship there should be clear communication of what is to happen.
Safe Sane Consensual was succeeded by Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) which is being succeeded by Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink (PRICK) i.e do your research,or in other words you are your own safety officer.
Before we used the phrase "power exchange" but those who accept the modern approach to BDSM are talking about "authority transfer". A submissive always has power/agency but it's a transfer of authority that occurs. Of course old school BDSM has a different approach but that should be discussed and if not acceptable rejected.
My other wish is that people did not say "BDSM[/D/s] is not only about pain" but said "The way I do BDSM[D/s] does not involve pain". In my experience more people are into sensual play than hard play.
I did note that pain was mentioned and not sex. I have had great impact scenes with no sex or orgasms involved.
My experience is that BDSM[D/s] is whatever anyone and their partners make it. It's not what others do, it's what you want to do.
All we can talk about is our own experience, so when people say it is all in the mind I have to disagree. My view is that it is a 50/50 thing. The submissives and bottoms I have interacted with expect a certain level of performance/ability from the Top/ Dominant. Whether it is impact, rope, or service generally the submissive or bottom will expect tasks or actions to perform,or actions performed on them to enable them to feel submissive. Even if you stripped out all impact, tasks and service, submissives usually have their behaviour and speech modified, these are all physical manifestations.
Whenever anyone offers sensual domination,I think of the guys at naturist clubs offering massages.
I think a skilled Top!/ Dominant can do different styles.
Anyway feel free to disagree, I have a view as my experience tends to differ from others, but I think the alternative should be aired.
"
It's all agreeable.
Who decides the new names for the rules though? RACK PRICK etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"50 shades of grey ruined bdsm. Kink is more than pain. It’s a myriad of things.
I’d implore anyone who was reluctant to try it because of whatever hang up to go to a munch. Very wholesome social meets for those who love kink.
50 shades bought bdsm conversation into the mainstream. And for me , that’s no bad thing.
I think they portrayed him more as a sadist which gave the average guy wanting to try BDSM out the wrong idea. "
And not only that, but for his desires coming from a place of trauma and hurt… |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"50 shades of grey ruined bdsm. Kink is more than pain. It’s a myriad of things.
I’d implore anyone who was reluctant to try it because of whatever hang up to go to a munch. Very wholesome social meets for those who love kink.
50 shades bought bdsm conversation into the mainstream. And for me , that’s no bad thing.
I think they portrayed him more as a sadist which gave the average guy wanting to try BDSM out the wrong idea.
And not only that, but for his desires coming from a place of trauma and hurt…"
No men actually watched it though, but all the women in re office loved it and rushed out to Anne summers too buy the kit. Only the BDSM police objected, and they won’t admit to watching it because it’s none-sense. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"50 shades of grey ruined bdsm. Kink is more than pain. It’s a myriad of things.
I’d implore anyone who was reluctant to try it because of whatever hang up to go to a munch. Very wholesome social meets for those who love kink.
50 shades bought bdsm conversation into the mainstream. And for me , that’s no bad thing.
I think they portrayed him more as a sadist which gave the average guy wanting to try BDSM out the wrong idea.
And not only that, but for his desires coming from a place of trauma and hurt…
**No men actually watched it though,** but all the women in re office loved it and rushed out to Anne summers too buy the kit. Only the BDSM police objected, and they won’t admit to watching it because it’s none-sense. "
** |
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"50 shades of grey ruined bdsm. Kink is more than pain. It’s a myriad of things.
I’d implore anyone who was reluctant to try it because of whatever hang up to go to a munch. Very wholesome social meets for those who love kink.
50 shades bought bdsm conversation into the mainstream. And for me , that’s no bad thing.
I think they portrayed him more as a sadist which gave the average guy wanting to try BDSM out the wrong idea.
And not only that, but for his desires coming from a place of trauma and hurt…"
According to a lot of stuff I've read on here, that's pretty standard |
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I haven't quite caught up on the whole thread yet, but although we do indulge in some impact play...sometimes we'll do shibari, restraints, sensory deprivation (blindfolds etc)...and the only torture comes from the relentless use of the wand...  |
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"I haven't quite caught up on the whole thread yet, but although we do indulge in some impact play...sometimes we'll do shibari, restraints, sensory deprivation (blindfolds etc)...and the only torture comes from the relentless use of the wand... "
That's my favourite form of sadism, too, and not just with wands. 'Not yet, darling...wait until you feel the warmth spread from your core...I know you can't speak, just nod...look at me...NOW.'
Ah, memories. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven't quite caught up on the whole thread yet, but although we do indulge in some impact play...sometimes we'll do shibari, restraints, sensory deprivation (blindfolds etc)...and the only torture comes from the relentless use of the wand...
That's my favourite form of sadism, too, and not just with wands. 'Not yet, darling...wait until you feel the warmth spread from your core...I know you can't speak, just nod...look at me...NOW.'
Ah, memories."
  |
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"I haven't quite caught up on the whole thread yet, but although we do indulge in some impact play...sometimes we'll do shibari, restraints, sensory deprivation (blindfolds etc)...and the only torture comes from the relentless use of the wand...
That's my favourite form of sadism, too, and not just with wands. 'Not yet, darling...wait until you feel the warmth spread from your core...I know you can't speak, just nod...look at me...NOW.'
Ah, memories.
"
You've had that, too? It is beautiful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven't quite caught up on the whole thread yet, but although we do indulge in some impact play...sometimes we'll do shibari, restraints, sensory deprivation (blindfolds etc)...and the only torture comes from the relentless use of the wand...
That's my favourite form of sadism, too, and not just with wands. 'Not yet, darling...wait until you feel the warmth spread from your core...I know you can't speak, just nod...look at me...NOW.'
Ah, memories.
You've had that, too? It is beautiful."
No… |
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No, it doesn't. Unless that is what you are seeking and have agreed with your play partner.
BDSM covers much a multi faceted area, that you are free to indulge in whatever way you choose. But the basis of all good BDSM relationships is consent and communication. That communication doesn't even have to be verbal in some cases.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bdsm is a spectrum. Some people like whips and clamps, others like kneeling and protocol.
There is no way right way. It's about finding someone compatible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, it doesn't. Unless that is what you are seeking and have agreed with your play partner.
BDSM covers much a multi faceted area, that you are free to indulge in whatever way you choose. But the basis of all good BDSM relationships is consent and communication. That communication doesn't even have to be verbal in some cases.
"
That’s the key traits of all healthy good relationships |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
I am stealing this extract from a note on FL which I loved. It was headed "I was a walking red flag until I learned everything I knew about BDSM was wrong in less than a week." He relates that having gone to a munch and a dungeon party in a week he had a revelation.
"Last week I had in my mind that all play was inherently sexual, I didn't get how play dynamics worked, I assumed that most scenes lead to orgasm and that Doms only played with their own subs but none of this is true. I learned about communication, subdrop, domdrop, aftercare, toxicity and the appropriate responses to this. Last week I felt like you could learn it all behind closed doors, behind your own computer screen and that you don't need to engage with the community, learn from more experienced kinksters or go to events but none of that is true.
If you take only one thing away from this note it is this:
GO TO EVENTS, MEET PEOPLE AND DO STUFF...
This is an extremely, diverse community of weird, wonderful, welcoming people and you are all amazing.
"
I pass this on for information of course people will make their own decisions. |
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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago
Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters |
Nothing about BDSM NEEDS to be, or HAS to be, painful. As with most things, it's a very broad spectrum. Even the scary-looking impact toys can be used in a purely sensual way. Same for wax, same for rope, etc. There are no hard and fast rules, no "one twue way" to do BDSM. We're all individuals and each and every dynamic is unique to the players involved. It can be as light and as sensual as you like, just as it can be as hard and as sadomasochistic as you like. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is, simple, wrong. |
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By *asterukMan
over a year ago
Newcastle |
Bdsm for me is about finding the right level to begin playing with a submissive, for some more experienced this might involve pain. For curious beginners or the inexperienced, lots of dialogue is essential to establish the starting point. From there I take a submissive on a journey, taking baby steps, pushing boundaries, experimenting but most importantly having fun. So pain? Maybe, maybe not. I enjoy seeing a submissive willing and wanting to take it but certainly isn't a deal breaker. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"50 shades of grey ruined bdsm. Kink is more than pain. It’s a myriad of things.
I’d implore anyone who was reluctant to try it because of whatever hang up to go to a munch. Very wholesome social meets for those who love kink.
50 shades bought bdsm conversation into the mainstream. And for me , that’s no bad thing.
I think they portrayed him more as a sadist which gave the average guy wanting to try BDSM out the wrong idea. "
I would counter that more men have likely watched kink porn online and thought that was a training manual than read 50 shades of grey.
I have no evidence to back it up mond. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"50 shades of grey ruined bdsm. Kink is more than pain. It’s a myriad of things.
I’d implore anyone who was reluctant to try it because of whatever hang up to go to a munch. Very wholesome social meets for those who love kink.
50 shades bought bdsm conversation into the mainstream. And for me , that’s no bad thing.
I think they portrayed him more as a sadist which gave the average guy wanting to try BDSM out the wrong idea.
I would counter that more men have likely watched kink porn online and thought that was a training manual than read 50 shades of grey.
I have no evidence to back it up mond. "
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Oh, I've met my share of guys who think they are Christian Gray.
Did have one particularly pushy guy at a club once, who really thought he was god's gift and refused to accept no was no. Apparently he was going to control me in body and mind, and he was a 'name' on the BDSM scene.
Left red faced when backed into a corner by a very large loud Welsh woman who made him piss himself without touching him.
Ran off and cried to the organisers. They pointed out they neither knew who he was or really cared. If he pissed off the DMs and disrespected the club rules, he would be ejected from the playroom.
Oh, and don't try playing mind games with psychological sadists that you will never win. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh, I've met my share of guys who think they are Christian Gray.
Did have one particularly pushy guy at a club once, who really thought he was god's gift and refused to accept no was no. Apparently he was going to control me in body and mind, and he was a 'name' on the BDSM scene.
Left red faced when backed into a corner by a very large loud Welsh woman who made him piss himself without touching him.
Ran off and cried to the organisers. They pointed out they neither knew who he was or really cared. If he pissed off the DMs and disrespected the club rules, he would be ejected from the playroom.
Oh, and don't try playing mind games with psychological sadists that you will never win."
Cool story. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I replied to a topic on BDSM saying I enjoyed receiving and giving BDSM but I personally don’t enjoy extreme pain or my body being marked. I received several replies mainly from ladies who would like to try BDSM but haven’t indulged because of those same worries , fear of being marked and pain They wanted to endure submissive nature of the act and respond to the obedience required, the thrill they wanted was the sexual arousal , control of movement and forced timing of orgasms or coming.
Perhaps there is a place for less aggressive BDSM. ? "
I love being marked, but only in acceptable places [to me] - my D respects that - I keep my job and don't offend my mother. We both get what we need .. It's not a free-for-all.
In the world of kink and BDSM communication is EVERYTHING |
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