FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Females and couples, opinions please.
Females and couples, opinions please.
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Hi, first forum post in a long time but after a interesting discussion with a friend I thought I would post it on here.
So, i am single, not looking for a relationship at all. Just happy to meet men, woman and couples for non attached sexual fun a frolics.
Recently I have met a “single guy” (my definition is that he’s single as he didn’t bring a female with him)
Met him twice, all is good. I saw him yesterday morning at Starbucks with another woman. I assume it’s his girlfriend/wife/partner. We didn’t speak but I never do when I see a sexual contact in public as it’s out of the bedroom and what happens there stays there in my bedroom anyway.
I discussed this with a friend as she was with me and she was not pleased, she suggested I tell his partner or ask him if he wants to continue with her or continue seeing me.
Personally I don’t care if a male has a girlfriend/wife when I meet them, I don’t ask. All I am concerned about is what happens during the time we spend in the bedroom.
I do have some really great sexual male FWB that i see occasionally. I suspect out of the 5 that 4 have partners, if I was put off by this then it would leave me without seeing those FWB and I would then be left with the usual idiots and time wasters.
What does everyone else think about this?
Do you only see genuinely single unattached males or do you not ask and not care?
I do know some women and couples actually prefer meeting married or attached men.
Genuinely curious to know what everyone’s opinions are, I’m sure they will be varied  |
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I think this could turn out to be a interesting post  as a male I do see where you are coming from. Some women don’t care as long as they get what they want and other women feel like they want to know everything about you from a first meet.
I think the main issue is making sure you use protection so there’s no nasty surprises from either party. |
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By *vilgasamWoman
over a year ago
The dot in the i |
IMO here and sure others won’t all agree but I’m poly and open, I don’t care who else they’re seeing as long as they’re all safe
But
If someone is cheating, deliberately deceiving someone, they’re not for me
Being open, clear and honest is very important to me, I am with my partners and hold them to the same standards
But each to their own and all that jazz, just a case of having a good chatter and seeing who’s about what, if that click is there great, if it’s not we each move on |
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I really don’t mind and don’t ask. When I agree to meet someone it’s for fun behind closed doors and what goes on there stays there.
I always use condoms and I regularly have STI tests and have never had any issues.
Being honest with myself I think most of the “single men” I have met on here have been playing away and they are the most genuine people ive met.
The “single” men are single for a reason I think
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Echoing the poly sentiment.
I prefer my partners to have other partners, to whatever degree of serious or casual as suits them. I have one partner who is married, and we play with his wife's knowing and enthusiastic consent. The others just have more casual partners but as far as I'm aware they all know that there's no monogamy on offer.
If he was sneaking around behind her back, he wouldn't be the sort of person I wanted to spend any time with, hiding and lying and cheating are massively unpleasant to me, and I don't want to associate with people who do that to people that care about them. |
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That’s interesting. For me I prefer quality time and meet during that moment we are in the bedroom. Nothing else concerns me, on the plus side with men in a relationship they don’t turn crazy and continuously text or turn up unannounced.
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I do see what you mean there actually. A man that’s playing away won’t expect anything more than casual sex and won’t get funny if you stop seeing him because he would be in fear of you seeing him in public with his partner.
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I don’t look at it like that from a black mailing someone view. All i ask is for someone to turn up on time, be polite and respectful and make me happy in the bedroom and when they leave everything that’s happened stays there.
I thought that was how it was in the swinging world but I’m finding out it isn’t |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
I don't knowingly meet anyone cheating on a partner & because of that I always ask people when I'm speaking to them.
It's up to you if you're happy to meet those with partners ,but if they don't know, you do risk them tracking you down or causing issues if they find out their partner is cheating.
I wouldn't do it as I'm a ltr ,he's here too and I'd hate it done to me. |
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"I assumed this because of the way they acted, she held his hand.
It was clearly not a friend or relative. "
It's hardly evidence though is it. In my opinion it's best to assume that everyone you meet on fab will either be attached or at the very least meeting other people for sex. She might be someone he met swinging or she might well be his wife but until and unless you know for sure I think your friend is wrong to suggest either telling her or issuing him with an ultimatum |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I gave up certain rules a few year's back . If i liked someone and we both wanted a second meet then I'd ask about thier situation. People lie regardless. I'd rather them be honest with me. Attached and married people all have thier reasons some valid some not. Safe sex, good company and a few giggles. Then back to normality. |
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I'm puzzled by your friend's comment.
Unless you and he were exclusive, why would he not be able to meet another woman for a coffee? And why would anyone assume he had done something wrong by meeting with you?
Perhaps it was a first date? Or maybe a fab social? Or none of anyone else's business? |
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"I gave up certain rules a few year's back . If i liked someone and we both wanted a second meet then I'd ask about thier situation. People lie regardless. I'd rather them be honest with me. Attached and married people all have thier reasons some valid some not. Safe sex, good company and a few giggles. Then back to normality. "
That is my view on it. |
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"That’s interesting. For me I prefer quality time and meet during that moment we are in the bedroom. Nothing else concerns me, on the plus side with men in a relationship they don’t turn crazy and continuously text or turn up unannounced.
"
That's one of the reasons why my partner *loves* meeting with married men. Contrary to common assumptions, she finds it much more hassle-free. |
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It's not for me, I won't meet attached women or men, while yes what happens during the meet is important, I'm not about to cause pain to someone else just for sex.
I like uncomplicated drama free, no husband's or wife's knocking at my door.
Mrs |
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"I gave up certain rules a few year's back . If i liked someone and we both wanted a second meet then I'd ask about thier situation. People lie regardless. I'd rather them be honest with me. Attached and married people all have thier reasons some valid some not. Safe sex, good company and a few giggles. Then back to normality. "
From all the meets I’ve had on fab I would say that a lot of the women have that attitude.
I’m not in a relationship but not many people ask |
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By *XZRMan
over a year ago
Highland |
"I really don’t mind and don’t ask. When I agree to meet someone it’s for fun behind closed doors and what goes on there stays there.
I always use condoms and I regularly have STI tests and have never had any issues.
Being honest with myself I think most of the “single men” I have met on here have been playing away and they are the most genuine people ive met.
The “single” men are single for a reason I think
"
If you have no problem with it, that's all that matters.
On the 'single for a reason comment' I feel I should speak up for the genuinely single, nice guys on fab who don't deserve such comments. Most of whom may be quite content being single/are single through choice.
Shouldn't be assumed we are single for a negative reason. |
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"It's not for me, I won't meet attached women or men, while yes what happens during the meet is important, I'm not about to cause pain to someone else just for sex.
I like uncomplicated drama free, no husband's or wife's knocking at my door.
Mrs "
Totally agree with this. Fab swingers or not, cheating is cheating. X |
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My thoughts are that your friend is perfectly entitled to her opinion but if it’s something you’re comfortable with then she should keep out of your business.
We’ve met plenty of women that it’s turned out haven’t been entirely honest about being single and it’s never bothered us, it’s their business.
So far we’ve only met what seem to be single men but if they were attached it wouldn’t bother us either, it’s their business.
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"I wouldn't dream of saying anything to his partner.
For all you and your friend know, his partner knows about his Fab life.
Not your monkey, not your circus.
Winston "
For all the monkeys and circuses know the woman in question wasn't even his partner. 
Should I ever have the misfortune to be tried by jury I would be very worried  |
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"Why are lots of people assuming this guy isn't single or at least wasn't at the time he met the op? There is literally nothing to suggest that he wasn't "
He's a man. Ergo, he's a lying, duplicitous bastard.
We get like that as soon as we see boobies....... there's no going back.
Winston |
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"Why are lots of people assuming this guy isn't single or at least wasn't at the time he met the op? There is literally nothing to suggest that he wasn't "
He text me mins after posting this that he saw me this morning when he was with his girlfriend and she doesn’t know anything about us and hopes I’m not offended or upset and still wants to see me if that’s ok with me |
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"I wouldn't dream of saying anything to his partner.
For all you and your friend know, his partner knows about his Fab life.
Not your monkey, not your circus.
Winston
For all the monkeys and circuses know the woman in question wasn't even his partner.
Should I ever have the misfortune to be tried by jury I would be very worried "
Especially if the jury is made up of Forumites.
Winston |
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"Why are lots of people assuming this guy isn't single or at least wasn't at the time he met the op? There is literally nothing to suggest that he wasn't
He text me mins after posting this that he saw me this morning when he was with his girlfriend and she doesn’t know anything about us and hopes I’m not offended or upset and still wants to see me if that’s ok with me "
Did he, that was handy |
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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago
Maidstone |
"I'm puzzled by your friend's comment.
Unless you and he were exclusive, why would he not be able to meet another woman for a coffee? And why would anyone assume he had done something wrong by meeting with you?
Perhaps it was a first date? Or maybe a fab social? Or none of anyone else's business?"
I'm with you on that one... My sister would have reacted the same as OP's friend...
My reply to my sister was... Casual sex for me is like finding a Squash partner... I can play Squash on my own but with another is more enjoyable.
If I found my said Squash friend with another partner, it would be totally delusional of me to feel anything...
My sister feels sex should be sacred and can be very INSECURE about her sex life. |
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"Why are lots of people assuming this guy isn't single or at least wasn't at the time he met the op? There is literally nothing to suggest that he wasn't
He text me mins after posting this that he saw me this morning when he was with his girlfriend and she doesn’t know anything about us and hopes I’m not offended or upset and still wants to see me if that’s ok with me
Did he, that was handy "
I'm gonna request a "guffaw" emoji. 
Winston |
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"Why are lots of people assuming this guy isn't single or at least wasn't at the time he met the op? There is literally nothing to suggest that he wasn't
He text me mins after posting this that he saw me this morning when he was with his girlfriend and she doesn’t know anything about us and hopes I’m not offended or upset and still wants to see me if that’s ok with me
Did he, that was handy "
I would upload the screenshots of out WhatsApp conversation with his name blurred out as it would paint a much clearer picture |
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"Why are lots of people assuming this guy isn't single or at least wasn't at the time he met the op? There is literally nothing to suggest that he wasn't
He text me mins after posting this that he saw me this morning when he was with his girlfriend and she doesn’t know anything about us and hopes I’m not offended or upset and still wants to see me if that’s ok with me
Did he, that was handy
I would upload the screenshots of out WhatsApp conversation with his name blurred out as it would paint a much clearer picture "
Don't do that it's against forum rules to post private messages not to mention incredibly indiscreet.
I have no reason to disbelieve you, I assume you got mixed up about seeing him yesterday morning. But you should do what you think is best in the situation |
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"Why are lots of people assuming this guy isn't single or at least wasn't at the time he met the op? There is literally nothing to suggest that he wasn't
He text me mins after posting this that he saw me this morning when he was with his girlfriend and she doesn’t know anything about us and hopes I’m not offended or upset and still wants to see me if that’s ok with me
Did he, that was handy
I would upload the screenshots of out WhatsApp conversation with his name blurred out as it would paint a much clearer picture
Don't do that it's against forum rules to post private messages not to mention incredibly indiscreet.
I have no reason to disbelieve you, I assume you got mixed up about seeing him yesterday morning. But you should do what you think is best in the situation "
I am aware of that and that’s why I wouldn’t do it. |
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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago
Maidstone |
"If he told you he was single then that’s different to if he told you he was attached. I would want to know x
I never ask as it does not bother me either way "
In fact if I could bother replying to his text, I would say... I'm glad I didn't confront you as you're no good to me grounded!!! Hope your coffee / cake was nice! |
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"Not understanding the dynamics of who you’re playing with and who they’re playing with in turn puts me at significant STI risk. For that reason alone I prefer to know where I stand."
How often do you actually know where you stand? |
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I wouldn't meet with anyone who was attached... I wouldn't want to be the cause of someone else's heartbreak.
Also... You're more likely to be the one who gets grief when the Gf/Mrs finds out.
But if that's no issue to you, crack on. |
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"I really don’t mind and don’t ask. When I agree to meet someone it’s for fun behind closed doors and what goes on there stays there.
I always use condoms and I regularly have STI tests and have never had any issues.
Being honest with myself I think most of the “single men” I have met on here have been playing away and they are the most genuine people ive met.
The “single” men are single for a reason I think
If you have no problem with it, that's all that matters.
On the 'single for a reason comment' I feel I should speak up for the genuinely single, nice guys on fab who don't deserve such comments. Most of whom may be quite content being single/are single through choice.
Shouldn't be assumed we are single for a negative reason. "
Yeah... They're not particularly "genuine" if they're liars and cheats. |
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It's not so black and white and our circumstances are different.
First differnet circumstances: We don't really have regulars or FWB. And we generally stick to swinging in clubs, parties or picking up randoms on vanilla nights out. So there not the same level of involvement with guys as you do.
Now the more difficult ethics: We were both married and both cheated on. It's devastating. So you can understand our natural disinclination to cheats. However the elephant in the room is that this scene is full of people who are living two life's. Yes a lot of guys but also a fair few women and also couples who are together cheating on their respective partners in our experience. We've met a lot of people over the years who we've got on great with but scratch the surface and they are living a double life. It is a bit disheartening. Especially when you meet a cracking couple who are so good together and then find out they both have unsuspecting partners/spouse'. As a general rule of thumb this is barrier. However in all honesty not 100% of the time because on occasion we have been with people who are going behind a partners back knowingly. It's rare but sometimes character has trumped moral hesitancy. And on many other occasions we've found out after the act down the line (bit more like you have).
We're not here to Police others however it's undesirable to become accomplice to their deceit. Although we also understand not every situation is black and white and we don't like to judge those who's shoes we don't stand in. Although we both know what it's like to be stood in the shoes of those cheated on. So yes we probably may again with the right people. However it's kind of easier for us as a detached club thing than it would be if we were regularly seeing them alone in a more personal space or being fwb. That more personal set up with someone attached would not work for us. But clubs are like the den of lost souls or the French Foreign Legion. They are a time and space of their own free from the outside world where you can escape your history and circumstances. |
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"Hi, first forum post in a long time but after a interesting discussion with a friend I thought I would post it on here.
So, i am single, not looking for a relationship at all. Just happy to meet men, woman and couples for non attached sexual fun a frolics.
Recently I have met a “single guy” (my definition is that he’s single as he didn’t bring a female with him)
Met him twice, all is good. I saw him yesterday morning at Starbucks with another woman. I assume it’s his girlfriend/wife/partner. We didn’t speak but I never do when I see a sexual contact in public as it’s out of the bedroom and what happens there stays there in my bedroom anyway.
I discussed this with a friend as she was with me and she was not pleased, she suggested I tell his partner or ask him if he wants to continue with her or continue seeing me.
Personally I don’t care if a male has a girlfriend/wife when I meet them, I don’t ask. All I am concerned about is what happens during the time we spend in the bedroom.
I do have some really great sexual male FWB that i see occasionally. I suspect out of the 5 that 4 have partners, if I was put off by this then it would leave me without seeing those FWB and I would then be left with the usual idiots and time wasters.
What does everyone else think about this?
Do you only see genuinely single unattached males or do you not ask and not care?
I do know some women and couples actually prefer meeting married or attached men.
Genuinely curious to know what everyone’s opinions are, I’m sure they will be varied "
You did exactly the right thing and you have a great attitude towards swinging what goes in the bedroom stays in the bedroom, i mean it could have been his sister, his mothers sister, his auntie, his next door neighbour etc etc and thankyou for mentioning it in this thread |
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"I’m really not keen on attached men. Less hassle?? Not really when their partner finds out, sooner or later they do, and they blame me for their partner to be cheating. "
I’m the 6 years of swinging on this site I have only had one phone call from a wife. I explained that I had no idea he was in a relationship. Never had any issues after that
On the other hand I’ve had 3 single men that have caused me real problems. After meeting them more than twice they fall in love and think we can have a relationship.
Two kept appearing at my house and continually messaging me.
The third was a bit more serious so I called the police.
I’ve found that attached men suit my needs. They don’t want a relationship they just want a hour of fun the same as me and it ends there.
Not that I intentionally look for attached men but I just never ask the question if they are single or not.
If I did ask I’m sure most would lie anyway |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my experience, most women lead with themselves and then ask. If someone asks, I will always be honest.
And what is your situation? "
I'm married to someone that genuinely doesn't enjoy sex. Which is ironic but true. |
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We will meet one side of a couple but only if there partner knew about it which we clearly stated in our profile
But as for seeing a person out with someone else they could be on another meet so going over to confront them would be wrong as could be ruining a really good meet for that person. After all they are swingers and they are not here just to meet one person |
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