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About to be single again need advice
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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As the title says
It's not unexpected but it has crept up on me after a very very long time.
Wife has asked me to move out and her sister to move in (she has been looking to move for a while)
Anyway she suggests I take on her sisters place if her landlord agrees and we seperate
I won't go into to details but I'll end up on my own after 39 yrs together
Advice I need is how do I do it?
How do others do it?
I've no idea about bills as everything just gets done and she deals with it
Hopefully I'm still working (off at the moment with a broken ankle but getting to the end of that soon).
I may not get on here for a bit but if anyone has anything they can suggest I'd be grateful to read them when I do get back on.
Also any family around are all her side of the family as I come from Glasgow originally and most of my family are gone now so I have nobody to lend any help to me.
Just need some advice please. |
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I assume you at least have a bank account? If so then speak to the bank about setting up online banking and mobile banking as it will help manage payments in future. They may even be able to show you how to navigate the app / website.
If you do move then you’ll need to set up a standing order for the rent to pay it on a fixed date every month. You may also have to go through a credit check.
Bills are usually paid by direct debit. You’d need to speak to the different suppliers to set these up. Gas/electric/water will want meter readings and can explain how to do them. You’ll also need to speak to the council about council tax and TV licensing about a TV licence, and get phone and internet set up. You’ll also need to budget for groceries, I would suggest £40-£50 a week for a single bloke.
As you set these up make sure to create a budget sheet with your take-home pay at the top and the bills underneath and the date they are paid so you know how much money is going out and when.
Once you know the main outgoings - rent, utilities and food, you’ll be able to work out how much spare money you have for other things. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Appreciate that thank you
It seems simple enough but starting out again at my age it's a shock to the system
Thankyou so much for listing it like that I'll have to write all that out in a book |
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This happened to me in 2016 and I was a stay at home dad so no job. It’s difficult because you’re dealing with your emotions as well. My advice;
Get your finances sorted first, DD for every bill if you’re not sure how to do online banking use YouTube or a good friend who’ll help you set it up.
Food, don’t rely on take aways, buy a wok, pans, frying pans and wooden spoons etc…experiment with food, buy fruit and vegetables, look after yourself.
Next your mental health, go for walks don’t sit around a flat feeling miserable or even worse drink yourself into an early grave. Look for local walking groups (admittedly just seen you’ve broken your ankle, maybe leave the walking for awhile) or any other type of places in which you can make new friends.
Finally, there’s nothing better than showing an ex partner that you’re doing fine now. Better than that, that you’re not only coping but improving after the break up.
The first few months are tough, but the minute you get yourself sorted, be proud of what you’ve achieved. I couldn’t work the washing machine when I split from my wife. I can now 
Good luck Op  |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Nothing lasts forever, people change and move on if they don’t move together - or at best one of them dies eventually . Keep that in mind - every single relationship ends one day.
Stay friends if you can, reflect honestly on why it happened and learn from it. A new start can be very positive & fun |
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Can’t really add anything to the above excellent posts, OP, it’s everything I would have said.
Echoing looking after yourself as well as the fundamentals. Keep talking to people in whatever environment you’re most comfortable.
Good luck pal! |
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Others have covered the salient points I have nothing else to add but absolutely look after yourself and your mental health. I was fortunate in having a business so the financial side I understand, not having someone to talk to of an evening was harder.
Wishing you all the best and if you need to talk pm me |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
"I assume you at least have a bank account? If so then speak to the bank about setting up online banking and mobile banking as it will help manage payments in future. They may even be able to show you how to navigate the app / website.
If you do move then you’ll need to set up a standing order for the rent to pay it on a fixed date every month. You may also have to go through a credit check.
Bills are usually paid by direct debit. You’d need to speak to the different suppliers to set these up. Gas/electric/water will want meter readings and can explain how to do them. You’ll also need to speak to the council about council tax and TV licensing about a TV licence, and get phone and internet set up. You’ll also need to budget for groceries, I would suggest £40-£50 a week for a single bloke.
As you set these up make sure to create a budget sheet with your take-home pay at the top and the bills underneath and the date they are paid so you know how much money is going out and when.
Once you know the main outgoings - rent, utilities and food, you’ll be able to work out how much spare money you have for other things."
This is good advice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I assume you at least have a bank account? If so then speak to the bank about setting up online banking and mobile banking as it will help manage payments in future. They may even be able to show you how to navigate the app / website.
If you do move then you’ll need to set up a standing order for the rent to pay it on a fixed date every month. You may also have to go through a credit check.
Bills are usually paid by direct debit. You’d need to speak to the different suppliers to set these up. Gas/electric/water will want meter readings and can explain how to do them. You’ll also need to speak to the council about council tax and TV licensing about a TV licence, and get phone and internet set up. You’ll also need to budget for groceries, I would suggest £40-£50 a week for a single bloke.
As you set these up make sure to create a budget sheet with your take-home pay at the top and the bills underneath and the date they are paid so you know how much money is going out and when.
Once you know the main outgoings - rent, utilities and food, you’ll be able to work out how much spare money you have for other things."
Love how patient and supportive here you have been. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This happened to me in 2016 and I was a stay at home dad so no job. It’s difficult because you’re dealing with your emotions as well. My advice;
Get your finances sorted first, DD for every bill if you’re not sure how to do online banking use YouTube or a good friend who’ll help you set it up.
Food, don’t rely on take aways, buy a wok, pans, frying pans and wooden spoons etc…experiment with food, buy fruit and vegetables, look after yourself.
Next your mental health, go for walks don’t sit around a flat feeling miserable or even worse drink yourself into an early grave. Look for local walking groups (admittedly just seen you’ve broken your ankle, maybe leave the walking for awhile) or any other type of places in which you can make new friends.
Finally, there’s nothing better than showing an ex partner that you’re doing fine now. Better than that, that you’re not only coping but improving after the break up.
The first few months are tough, but the minute you get yourself sorted, be proud of what you’ve achieved. I couldn’t work the washing machine when I split from my wife. I can now
Good luck Op "
More really supportive advice.
What great suggestions x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Absolutely brilliant advice thank you all.
Mental health at the moment I'm struggling but at least I know I am (I know where I should be and will work to get back there)
I'm guessing my wife and her family are also struggling and I don't want them to feel worse so am doing and agreeing to everything I can to make this work smoothly
It's not going to happen for a couple of weeks as we have things to work through but the advice is very much appreciated
Thank you |
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By *9Karm69Man
over a year ago
plymouth/chesterfield |
Everybody seems to have offered some good financial advice and household items that you may/will need
My question is, do you own the house she's asking you to leave? If so first get her to buy you out, do you both have cars? If not fully paid for make sure your not paying for both, make sure she pays all the house bills once you've left
Think you get my drift |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We do own a house and if possible I don't want her to sell it as we have a son who is autistic and it would cause him grief to move so I will leave that for now
Both have cars
Joint account for everything so a bit to sort out
As someone mentioned yes I was trying to cheat on her but there is a hell of a lot more to our situation than just me being a bastard.
But thankyou for your input.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Get yourself sorted financially first. Speak to citizens advice and benefits office and as many places as you can. You'll get single person discount. Get legal advice to see where you stand legally about debts and joint accounts. Also hmrc to see any payouts you are entitled to. Also if you are paying the mortgage on the marital home. Find out everything you can. Then see what your incoming and outgoing expenses are. Go speak to your bank. See bank statements on previous direct debits. Shop about. You'll get discount fir being a new customer on broadband etc Get meter readings from when you moved in. Change everything into your name if you can if you are going to be living there permanently. Know every debt that's on the house. Have a good chat with your ex and her sister and make sure you are all on the same page. Speak to friends and family and see what they are paying. Go on comparison websites
Good luck |
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By *glyBettyTV/TS
over a year ago
About 3 feet away from the fence |
Just my 2 penneth worth, but I wouldn't take the sisters place if its at all possible. I would look to rent somewhere else that wasn't tied to her or her family but that's just me. |
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
only other advice (after all the finance and self-care stuff) I can give (I ended up divorced at the age of 48 after 24 years married) is to take the opportunity to be yourself.
After 24 years of being someone my wife wanted me to be, I've now met Char and am able to just be me, hiding nothing.
(Bry) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yes I was on here for a reason but it has very little to do with why we are going our separate ways after being together for the last 39yrs
Its a factor but its not the only factor |
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"Just my 2 penneth worth, but I wouldn't take the sisters place if its at all possible. I would look to rent somewhere else that wasn't tied to her or her family but that's just me."
Nice clean cut are best |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I'm thinking that too
The swap was just an offer from her sister as it looks like she will move into my house and will need to shift her furniture but me taking over her rent and furniture would be a little tidier.
Though clean break would be preferable
I've even tried looking for a caravan to rent long term if a house isn't on the cards
Enything to keep my out of doorways |
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By *eediousMan
over a year ago
Smallville |
Really supporting advice from the posts so far.
It’s nice to see men really supporting one another here.
To add my two pennies worth, you will have a lot of time in your hands to think.
So use that time to:
- develop your mind (read a lot of books about finance, investments, history, philosophy etc.)
- heal (go to therapy if that helps, or talk to a group of men that you trust)
- develop your body (cycle, invest in a gym membership, lift weights, swim, do cardio). Work out like a beast.
- save a chunk of what you earn and invest in property (if not directly, indirectly like REITs and other platforms like Property Partner), crypto, tech start-ups.
- start a business. Something small that you can work on until it snowballs and hopefully means you can pay yourself and grow it.
- finally, you can’t live a life without women, so learn everything you need to know about what makes women tick, their inherent nature, so that you become a valuable and emotionally stable partner to any woman you decide to date.
The next step of your life is about financial independence and health, so make the most of it, my friend. Make the most of it! |
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