FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Chatting and then meeting
Chatting and then meeting
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Not sure how to start this thread, but here goes, I've got a few people in my friend's list, some I've met, some I'd like to meet, we've been chatting about meeting up, they then go quiet or hide their profiles, which is no problem, as you can still see when they're on line, you don't hear from them for a few weeks, or they've not answered your message, they then send you one asking if you're free, I'm just wondering how others feel, do you feel like you're a last resort,   |
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By *helroyCouple
over a year ago
Skegness |
if we looking at meeting some one and with there work and ours we still like the keep in touch bit as well if they do that with there profile then alarm bells ring for us and we take a step back |
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Its not ideal but I put it down to sometimes they may have started a relationship or maybe got cold feet at that time & a bit braver now.
I wouldn't meet straight off the bat after being ghosted but wouldn't discard them either. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"if we looking at meeting some one and with there work and ours we still like the keep in touch bit as well if they do that with there profile then alarm bells ring for us and we take a step back "
Keeping in touch is the main thing, and most don't, but then want to meet, |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Its not ideal but I put it down to sometimes they may have started a relationship or maybe got cold feet at that time & a bit braver now.
I wouldn't meet straight off the bat after being ghosted but wouldn't discard them either."
They're still in my friend's list, lol |
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I think it's hard to keep in "soft contact" with someone you've not met yet but want to. There's only so many times you can do the text equivalent of a head nod.
If you know it's going to be a while before you can meet it may be best to explicitly say that you'll contact them again at a particular time rather than dwell in the awkwardness? |
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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago
Dublin and London |
If I haven't been in somewhat regular contact with someone then I wouldn't really be up for meeting them, unless they said at the outset they would be offline for a while.
For me the flirting and build up to a meet is half the fun.
I like to get to know the people I hope to meet a bit before meeting. |
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I've a handful of people on my friends list but I don't really keep in touch that often.
Weeks and months could go passed without a word.
I don't send first contact messages as a rule but even with those I have chatted to before it could take something they say in the forums to nudge me into contacting them.
Then again I'm not meeting at the moment and won't be for the foreseeable future due to health and other personal issues so there's not really a lot to chat about.
The last few months have been particularly difficult and I haven't been in the mood to chat with anyone except my fwb.
This could be true for many people and may be why they go quiet. |
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"Not sure how to start this thread, but here goes, I've got a few people in my friend's list, some I've met, some I'd like to meet, we've been chatting about meeting up, they then go quiet or hide their profiles, which is no problem, as you can still see when they're on line, you don't hear from them for a few weeks, or they've not answered your message, they then send you one asking if you're free, I'm just wondering how others feel, do you feel like you're a last resort, "
Things like this do bother me slightly. If I'm familiar with the person and we've met a few times then I don't mind the sudden invitation to meet.
But people I've never met before going quiet on me and then suddenly springing the notion of a meet is just annoying.
I don't need constant communication, but a message every now and then to keep the conversational ball in the air is needed. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I haven't been in somewhat regular contact with someone then I wouldn't really be up for meeting them, unless they said at the outset they would be offline for a while.
For me the flirting and build up to a meet is half the fun.
I like to get to know the people I hope to meet a bit before meeting. "
The flirting is the best bit, well until you meet, but if they've hidden their profile but still come on line and don't make contact, the meet or possibly 2nd meet might not happen |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've a handful of people on my friends list but I don't really keep in touch that often.
Weeks and months could go passed without a word.
I don't send first contact messages as a rule but even with those I have chatted to before it could take something they say in the forums to nudge me into contacting them.
Then again I'm not meeting at the moment and won't be for the foreseeable future due to health and other personal issues so there's not really a lot to chat about.
The last few months have been particularly difficult and I haven't been in the mood to chat with anyone except my fwb.
This could be true for many people and may be why they go quiet."
Hope you feel better soon |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not sure how to start this thread, but here goes, I've got a few people in my friend's list, some I've met, some I'd like to meet, we've been chatting about meeting up, they then go quiet or hide their profiles, which is no problem, as you can still see when they're on line, you don't hear from them for a few weeks, or they've not answered your message, they then send you one asking if you're free, I'm just wondering how others feel, do you feel like you're a last resort,
Things like this do bother me slightly. If I'm familiar with the person and we've met a few times then I don't mind the sudden invitation to meet.
But people I've never met before going quiet on me and then suddenly springing the notion of a meet is just annoying.
I don't need constant communication, but a message every now and then to keep the conversational ball in the air is needed. "
Exactly this, |
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I think we all like to feel a bit special. If someone sort of picks you up and puts you down, you don't feel special. It's all smoke and mirrors though, the majority of liaisons in here are fleeting |
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We've been chatting with different people and then they (or us) might go quiet. Sometimes life gets in the way and people are genuinely busy.
Other times, I guess people might lose interest. Either way, we're not expecting to be anyone's priority. We have people in our lives IRL for that. |
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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago
Dublin and London |
"If I haven't been in somewhat regular contact with someone then I wouldn't really be up for meeting them, unless they said at the outset they would be offline for a while.
For me the flirting and build up to a meet is half the fun.
I like to get to know the people I hope to meet a bit before meeting.
The flirting is the best bit, well until you meet, but if they've hidden their profile but still come on line and don't make contact, the meet or possibly 2nd meet might not happen "
For me, it would be unlikely a meet would happen unless I felt it was genuine as to why they haven't been in touch.
Have they offered up any genuine reasons for not contacting? |
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"We've been chatting with different people and then they (or us) might go quiet. Sometimes life gets in the way and people are genuinely busy.
Other times, I guess people might lose interest. Either way, we're not expecting to be anyone's priority. We have people in our lives IRL for that. "
This is real though, we don't lose our identity or feelings the minute we sign in. |
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I’ve had a couple of men do this, chat a lot over a few days but don’t seem to want to arrange a social in advance, then silence for a couple of weeks or more, then a “are you free to meet now” message!!! Well turns out they were married, as I suspected |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
I totally get this and have had it in the past ,
I used to chat to someone who was always leaving ,or going fab but would still talk of meeting.
I got to the point where I just deleted anything from him because it was obvious he contacted me when no-one was chatting or free . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure how to start this thread, but here goes, I've got a few people in my friend's list, some I've met, some I'd like to meet, we've been chatting about meeting up, they then go quiet or hide their profiles, which is no problem, as you can still see when they're on line, you don't hear from them for a few weeks, or they've not answered your message, they then send you one asking if you're free, I'm just wondering how others feel, do you feel like you're a last resort, "
Thats how I would feel, and make that aware to them openly, and politely remind them that I'm nobodies toy to pick up and put down when they want to |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I totally get this and have had it in the past ,
I used to chat to someone who was always leaving ,or going fab but would still talk of meeting.
I got to the point where I just deleted anything from him because it was obvious he contacted me when no-one was chatting or free ."
You've hit the nail on the head, that's just what I'm thinking |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not sure how to start this thread, but here goes, I've got a few people in my friend's list, some I've met, some I'd like to meet, we've been chatting about meeting up, they then go quiet or hide their profiles, which is no problem, as you can still see when they're on line, you don't hear from them for a few weeks, or they've not answered your message, they then send you one asking if you're free, I'm just wondering how others feel, do you feel like you're a last resort,
Thats how I would feel, and make that aware to them openly, and politely remind them that I'm nobodies toy to pick up and put down when they want to "
So true, I've got feelings |
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"We've been chatting with different people and then they (or us) might go quiet. Sometimes life gets in the way and people are genuinely busy.
Other times, I guess people might lose interest. Either way, we're not expecting to be anyone's priority. We have people in our lives IRL for that.
This is real though, we don't lose our identity or feelings the minute we sign in. "
Obviously, this is "real." However, IRL has a fairly well established meaning.
You are more than welcome to get invested in your online interactions. However, we don't take the comments (or lack of interest) from anyone on fab with anywhere near the level of seriousness we might grant to friends, colleagues, family members, acquaintances, neighbours, etc. that we see and or know IRL.
YMMV, of course. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If there's no will to have a voice conversation after half a dozen messages then we tend to think its safe to say they're not genuine with wanting to meet. If people really wanted to share their partner sexually they would also be prepared to share a phone number...
We put it down to lots of couples profiles being ran by blokes who aren't checking with their wives about meets. Couples meets can be hard as there's 4 people to be in sync and be attracted to each other. |
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"If there's no will to have a voice conversation after half a dozen messages then we tend to think its safe to say they're not genuine with wanting to meet. If people really wanted to share their partner sexually they would also be prepared to share a phone number...
We put it down to lots of couples profiles being ran by blokes who aren't checking with their wives about meets. Couples meets can be hard as there's 4 people to be in sync and be attracted to each other."
Really? In 7 years of swinging, we have *never* shared our phone number before a first meet. And, after a first meet, there's no need.
I agree about the added difficulty with couples meets however. I think some people think we have it the easiest. We might get more messages than singles, but couples have other logistics to deal with.  |
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