FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Performance anxiety
Performance anxiety
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Had it recently, devastating. How the fuck do you stop it happening. "
We had our first mfm threesome in the summer and it happened to me  the guy was fucking my Mrs really well and I was struggling to even get a semi, was really embarrassing to be fair. But we met the guy again recently, I was loads more comfortable and relaxed and had a really filthy night, easier said than done but just try and be relaxed and not to worry about it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honestly it's not a big deal. There's a lot of pressure on men to perform in this scene and it's okay when it doesn't happen. Anyone who makes you feel bad about it, isn't the right playmate for you.
It's our job as women to make men comfortable and not dent their confidence. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Had it recently, devastating. How the fuck do you stop it happening.
We had our first mfm threesome in the summer and it happened to me the guy was fucking my Mrs really well and I was struggling to even get a semi, was really embarrassing to be fair. But we met the guy again recently, I was loads more comfortable and relaxed and had a really filthy night, easier said than done but just try and be relaxed and not to worry about it "
Loving this thread already. MrRT had it once or twice, sometimes it’s just circumstance but agree with this so much. It’s about being relaxed and open about it, acknowledge it but don’t dwell on it. If you can enjoy things in another way and often it will sort itself. Also if it’s medical then there’s so much to help now it’s no big deal either. We don’t judge men the way they assume we do, you’re not under the pressure society will have you believe. Ps - I’d be happy to carry on regardless with you sexy folk x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have had a fair few MMF's now and see this quite regularly. We try and make the guys feel welcomed and always make them feel reassured if they're struggling.
It happens, it's fine but that's easy to say if it's not happening to you.
We had two guys over once and the first question we got from one of them when we told him they would be joined was 'how big is he? ' and was immediately worried that he wouldn't be big enough.
J coming in to the room in her stockings and thigh high boots looking like a pornstar probably doesn't help either.  |
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I cum very easily, so I like to make sure my guys are having a good time. If performance becomes an issue for them, I'm more than happy to just lick, suck & stroke their cock & balls while they try to relax. |
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So many factors can play a part.
Stress. General health at the time. Fitness. Nerves. Temperature. How recently you last played or had sex. Alcohol. Time of day!
I just try to make sure if it does happen I'm not moping about and bringing everyone down.
Throw yourself enthusiastically into pleasuring others whichever way you can and most reasonable people will be totally fine with it.
Find that half the time, focusing on other people results in the problem resolving itself anyway after a break. |
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By *reedyKWoman
over a year ago
Fife |
"Honestly it's not a big deal. There's a lot of pressure on men to perform in this scene and it's okay when it doesn't happen. Anyone who makes you feel bad about it, isn't the right playmate for you.
It's our job as women to make men comfortable and not dent their confidence."
100% agree with this! There's other things you can do and if it doesn't happen it's no one's fault just one of these things. Try again at another time., |
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
All the time
General anxiety, mental health and heart related medication all stack up against me.
Luckily I can get myself hard and make myself cum and Char likes the attention of other guys.
(Bry) |
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"Honestly it's not a big deal. There's a lot of pressure on men to perform in this scene and it's okay when it doesn't happen. Anyone who makes you feel bad about it, isn't the right playmate for you.
It's our job as women to make men comfortable and not dent their confidence."
 |
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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago
Nr Leicester |
"Had it recently, devastating. How the fuck do you stop it happening.
We had our first mfm threesome in the summer and it happened to me the guy was fucking my Mrs really well and I was struggling to even get a semi, was really embarrassing to be fair. But we met the guy again recently, I was loads more comfortable and relaxed and had a really filthy night, easier said than done but just try and be relaxed and not to worry about it
Loving this thread already. MrRT had it once or twice, sometimes it’s just circumstance but agree with this so much. It’s about being relaxed and open about it, acknowledge it but don’t dwell on it. If you can enjoy things in another way and often it will sort itself. Also if it’s medical then there’s so much to help now it’s no big deal either. We don’t judge men the way they assume we do, you’re not under the pressure society will have you believe. Ps - I’d be happy to carry on regardless with you sexy folk x"
D here. And yup!! Hand's up I've had the same..
Nice to hear men owning the fact and ladies being sympathetic to what can be a worm in the brain for us.. Once it's there it's hard to shift.. xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"All the time
General anxiety, mental health and heart related medication all stack up against me.
Luckily I can get myself hard and make myself cum and Char likes the attention of other guys.
(Bry)"
Its just the fear of it happening again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All the time
General anxiety, mental health and heart related medication all stack up against me.
Luckily I can get myself hard and make myself cum and Char likes the attention of other guys.
(Bry)
Its just the fear of it happening again. "
You have to loose that fear or you will end if a vicious cycle fear leads to anxiety leads to stress, stress leads to suffering as in a floppy cock which nothing will undo.
If it happens empty your mind and focus solely on pleasing others often you'll find thinks kick in as soon as you don't focus on it.
Alternatively Viagra and cilias the all weekend version are fantastic insurance policies. You still need to get turned on to get hard but staying hard is much easier.
Finally experience has taught us that some men just aren't cut of for swinging with more than just another women present. Group sex, 3 sums 4 sums etc leads to them been unable to perform. That's ok though more than 2 people in a sexual act isn't for everyone.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also OP it says your a smoker. There's a lot of studies and proven links between long term smoking and erectile distinction.
I smoked up until 5 years ago and as a smoker in my late 20s early 30s had a few performance situations happen. Since quoting smoking it's never happened and my sex drive is never been higher.
Food for thought.
Also lots of meds like aunti depression tablets and pain killers especially codine can cause performance issues.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Also OP it says your a smoker. There's a lot of studies and proven links between long term smoking and erectile distinction.
I smoked up until 5 years ago and as a smoker in my late 20s early 30s had a few performance situations happen. Since quoting smoking it's never happened and my sex drive is never been higher.
Food for thought.
Also lots of meds like aunti depression tablets and pain killers especially codine can cause performance issues.
KJ"
Im not a smoker, dont know why that was ticked. Ive untickwd it. Its 100% mental. |
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By *glyBettyTV/TS
over a year ago
About 3 feet away from the fence |
In a previous life (lol), this would happen to me the first time I was hooking up with a lady.
Only ever the first time though, any subsequent times with the same woman & I'd be fine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I was younger, but I have had issues where during a long session I kept needing the bathroom, didn't even have much to drink! What's that all about? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Honestly it's not a big deal. There's a lot of pressure on men to perform in this scene and it's okay when it doesn't happen. Anyone who makes you feel bad about it, isn't the right playmate for you.
It's our job as women to make men comfortable and not dent their confidence."
Well saud. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In a previous life (lol), this would happen to me the first time I was hooking up with a lady.
Only ever the first time though, any subsequent times with the same woman & I'd be fine. "
Thats kinda what happens. Its just the fear of it happening. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are many ways to satisfy the lady than a hard cock. Try not making a fuss about it but show a confident side of you. Stop what you are doing and make her laugh, tell a story. Start caressing each other, women love to make the man hard and she will…
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I have met many guys over the years that have had problems. What I normally do if we have made it to the bedroom and I see it happening I make the excuse that I'm really thirsty would everyone mind if we take a break. Often after having drink and 5 mins time out it really helps.
It happens , but the more you worry about it the worst is getting so don't worry be happy. X |
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In my opinion, it happens. You just keep going, it's not always about the destination. There are still things that can be done to each other that feel amazing still. As long as all parties are still having fun, it it's a hindrance.
Sometimes thing just don't do what you want them to do. Even as a woman, sometimes by body doesn't cooperate with my brain. It's not a big deal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im trying lol.
Does reverse psychology work? Decide not to let yourself get hard.
Just a thought
Missy x"
In a way kinda like when you least expect it them expect it.
The key is to clear your mind of everything and any expectations of getting hard. Just purely focus on giving pleasure and enjoying doing it. Then it will happen when your not focused on it in any way.
KJ |
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"Im trying lol. "
As difficult as it sounds, you have to try to ignore it. If you focus on the problem and try to "get hard" it just won't (because your cock is a dick sometimes)
Try switching to something else, oral on her, or something to try to take your mind off your own dong, but also to keep you in the mood. (a good snog always helped me!)
With any luck your company will understand and will probably try to help (either with hands or just not making a big deal out of it)
It just happens (because your cock is a cock sometimes!)
Try, as best you can do relax, that will get your blood flowing again to all the right places! |
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"I have met many guys over the years that have had problems. What I normally do if we have made it to the bedroom and I see it happening I make the excuse that I'm really thirsty would everyone mind if we take a break. Often after having drink and 5 mins time out it really helps.
It happens , but the more you worry about it the worst is getting so don't worry be happy. X"
Brilliant! Helping out, without making a big deal about it! |
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By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"Honestly it's not a big deal. There's a lot of pressure on men to perform in this scene and it's okay when it doesn't happen. Anyone who makes you feel bad about it, isn't the right playmate for you.
It's our job as women to make men comfortable and not dent their confidence."
I really wish there were more understanding women like you around |
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Playing on my mind but the cokmments are helpful. 
