FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Do You Send Winks or messages ?
Do You Send Winks or messages ?
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Asking out of interest because during my first few months on here I always made sure I read a profile twice to make sure I hadn't missed anything before sending a detailed polite message. I don't think even one of my messages was read, and they were basically all deleted unread. So I have changed tack and now just send a wink to see if there is any interest, saving me the disappointment of seeing my messages go unread.
So was interested what strategy other single guys use when making contact with people they are interested in.? |
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"Asking out of interest because during my first few months on here I always made sure I read a profile twice to make sure I hadn't missed anything before sending a detailed polite message. I don't think even one of my messages was read, and they were basically all deleted unread. So I have changed tack and now just send a wink to see if there is any interest, saving me the disappointment of seeing my messages go unread.
So was interested what strategy other single guys use when making contact with people they are interested in.? "
Wink and send message with a face pic, not a dick pic . Wait for a reply, then if you get a reply , go one for one on messages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Asking out of interest because during my first few months on here I always made sure I read a profile twice to make sure I hadn't missed anything before sending a detailed polite message. I don't think even one of my messages was read, and they were basically all deleted unread. So I have changed tack and now just send a wink to see if there is any interest, saving me the disappointment of seeing my messages go unread.
So was interested what strategy other single guys use when making contact with people they are interested in.? "
After reading this type of thread many times I no longer send messages or wink, I just read the forums. |
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By *inkn12Man
over a year ago
Nottingham |
I’m much more comfortable sending a wink over a message as an initial interaction. How I see it is in real life I’d connect with someone over a smile or a look or something natural and not necessarily any dialogue initially. I can’t lie I struggle with interacting with others on the net, from my personal experiences sometimes people have majorly unreal expectations in terms messages… I think I’ll keep on winking |
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usually I'll send a wink, that shows some level of interest. If i have time to form a decent message, then i'll send that, otherwise i'll wait till i have time or i get a wink back. Sometimes it's easier to just wink away, but not many ladies or couples actually look at winks from what i have discovered, So i do TRY to send a message. |
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I send winks to profiles I liked the look/sound of, but accept there’s little chance of actually meeting (geographically I mean). It’s basically a nod of appreciation from me. If something did come out of it, nice! But no harm done either way.
I message those profiles I feel a potential match with, and include my face pic if I feel they are genuine. I wouldn’t send a face pic to unverified profiles though.
Fab isn’t what it was 5 years ago, but you can’t blame the site, it’s only as good as the people who use it. Keep the faith though, as there are plenty of genuine people out there looking to meet   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just send a message and see if they respond. I don’t see the point in winking because from what I gathered a lot of women here just delete them anyway or don’t look at them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Generally I try and get a feel for the profile and write a relevant message, if they have a bare profile or nothing I can really use in my message then I’ll send a wink. |
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By * and BCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
Our profile says we don't look at or respond to winks. So when we see the number rise we know someone else hasn't read our profile. We gave up with them as no one responded to our message after we had seen them wink |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Our profile says we don't look at or respond to winks. So when we see the number rise we know someone else hasn't read our profile. We gave up with them as no one responded to our message after we had seen them wink"
Haha this highlights the difference in fab experience for single males vs women/couples. It’s that rare I get a wink that I get too excited about it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never wink.
I send thoughtful messages based on their profile, status updates etc. With a title relevant to their profile, if there's something I can use.
Always with pics.
Usually unread, deleted unread, or read and ignored. Two have replied once, then not read / read and ignored my subsequent messages. One did chat, but became quickly evident it was a fantasist single man posing as a couple, probably having a wank while messaging.
I still try now and then. |
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We used to hate winks, felt they were lazy. But…as time has gone on, I think they’re a great way to gauge interest. Wink, get a wink back…OK to message. If not, then we don’t spam up anyone’s inbox with messages that will either be deleted or received a ‘thanks but no thanks’. The latter takes time and effort and we understand that not everyone will want to go to that effort and reply to every message. Does that make any sense? |
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Seriously you could find a profile that says they want guys named Dave from Sheffield, write them a message in the most eloquent prose ever, attaching photos as requested, elaborating how you meet their criteria by being named Dave and come from Sheffield, only for the message to be deleted unread. |
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We use both, wink and message. Normally wink first, then if we get a wink back we send a message.
Sometimes if we get a wink, but they are not for use we send a polite message saying thank you and sorry you are not for us.
But we don’t get many winks or messages. |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
never send winks and mass delete winks daily the only way to get my attention is via messages but before i open a message i go str8 to the profile if no profile or crap profile then the message is deleted if that same person continues to message then blocked ... i owe nobody anything |
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We've blocked winks from singles, which means that we don't get many.
Which means they are a great way of establishing contact with another couple. Exchange winks to show we like each other's profile, then on to messaging.
What I don't understand is people who send both a wink and a message at the same time. |
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We always send a wink - we see it as a bit of an ice breaker to make it known we like the profile.
If we receive a wink back we follow up with a message. Seems a straightforward way to gauge interest. |
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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago
Nr Leicester |
Message with face pic for us, obviously filters dependent.. Wink's we for the majority ignore unless already on our hotlist.. Saves a lot of time wasting back n forth (pun intended) if the attraction isn't there.. |
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I currently have 517 winks since I last looked at who winked me.
It's a slog enough to keep up with the inbox, if a single click is all the effort that's being put forth I'm not in any rush to get through the wink list on top of the rest. |
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By *ebootCouple
over a year ago
Telford |
"Our profile says we don't look at or respond to winks. So when we see the number rise we know someone else hasn't read our profile. We gave up with them as no one responded to our message after we had seen them wink"
Pretty much exactly this for us too.
Experience has shown winks never lead anywhere.
We explicitly say we don’t respond to winks in our profile too - so anyone that does has already filtered themselves out as they clearly haven’t bothered to read it - and it’s pretty much the first sentence  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just send a message and see if they respond. I don’t see the point in winking because from what I gathered a lot of women here just delete them anyway or don’t look at them "
And you are right. Barely look at winks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Almost all will look at your profile before considering opening your message. If they don't think you're for them then it's unlikely they'll read it, but as many people ignore winks, you're still more likely to get a response from a message over a wink.
But you must remember that nobody owes you a reply and many single women get absolutely inundated.
A young lady that I happen to know personally recently mentioned that she had 6,000 messages in her inbox and ended up having to bulk delete them as sge jyst gouldn't keep up.
That's what you're up against
100's of men for every one woman on fab |
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I personally don't even look at the winks. I'm attracted to witty, non pushy messages with a face photo (not dick). I have to say though, I am guilty of deleting messages from those really far away from where I live. Whilst I appreciate the lovely comments I really only want to chat to people local to me and I do have that in my profile. Wishing you all the best x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wink if I like a profile but know there is no chance of a meet and message if I think there might be some interest.
I very rarely message now,
Xx"
I'll have a wink |
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By * and BCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
In our humble opinion winks are a complete waste of time. We replied to winks for the first couple of years after joining fab and 99.9% of the time when we messaged folk a nice thought out message we never got a reply. We found ourselves getting frustrated at this so decided we would never look at winks again. It does say so in our profile and yet we see the numbers rise on our winks, just goes to show the people who wink us can't even be arsed to read our profile so we rest our case. Putting the effort in, you get some nice. A nice constructed message always gets a reply from us  |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"Asking out of interest because during my first few months on here I always made sure I read a profile twice to make sure I hadn't missed anything before sending a detailed polite message. I don't think even one of my messages was read, and they were basically all deleted unread. So I have changed tack and now just send a wink to see if there is any interest, saving me the disappointment of seeing my messages go unread.
So was interested what strategy other single guys use when making contact with people they are interested in.? "
i send a polite message based on target profile and I'm all stocked up on cakes  |
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"In our humble opinion winks are a complete waste of time. We replied to winks for the first couple of years after joining fab and 99.9% of the time when we messaged folk a nice thought out message we never got a reply. We found ourselves getting frustrated at this so decided we would never look at winks again. It does say so in our profile and yet we see the numbers rise on our winks, just goes to show the people who wink us can't even be arsed to read our profile so we rest our case. Putting the effort in, you get some nice. A nice constructed message always gets a reply from us "
In the 10 years I’ve been using Fab, I can’t honestly remember a “nice constructed message” received as an opener from a couple or single female. In my experience, it’s usual to receive a wink, inviting me to message first.
I have simply winked back at some who winked me, and not received any further message. Fab people can be so shy at times…. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I personally don't even look at the winks. I'm attracted to witty, non pushy messages with a face photo (not dick). I have to say though, I am guilty of deleting messages from those really far away from where I live. Whilst I appreciate the lovely comments I really only want to chat to people local to me and I do have that in my profile. Wishing you all the best x"
Rather gutted that I'm not your cup of tea |
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99% of the time I won’t message unless someone has given some indication of interest, such as liking a pic or sending a winking.
So I tend to look at their profile, fab their pics and see if that interest is somehow reciprocated. From there I’m very happy to send the first message. The introductory message then tends to be long and ‘hopefully’ thought out referencing the profile. And even with that reciprocal interest you might not get a reply.
It’s always worth remembering that couples and single females are bombarded with messages and winks, so all you can do is your best and to not be too disappointed as a single guy. Everyone has their own tastes, things going on in real life etc etc etc so it’s impossible to predict what will happen after that first message. |
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I generally message and include a face pic if it’s someone I’d like to connect with.
If I’ve seen a nice pic on hot pics and looked at the profile and it’s good but nowhere near me I may wink to show appreciation and if I get one back then I’ll message. |
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We understand why people send winks, not a problem with it at all, if they look interesting we’ll wink back. The problem is that quite often what happens then is we get a message saying ‘hi’ or something very similar, and that’s it.
Is returning a wink does not mean you can get away with putting no effort into a message. |
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Wrote enough proper messages to fill volumes of leather bound, embossed in gold, and ideally placed in a dusty old library shelf for generations to admire for its prose, verbosity, subclauses, and punctuation. And got diddly back. I got blocked a couple of times as well for my efforts.
So why bother. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I prefer sending winks, then messaging only if they look at my profile.
I mean honestly this site incentivises people to use the simplest way of initiating contact (winking) over messaging a profile you're interested in. A message that took 5 minutes to write and personalise properly stands just as much of a chance as a boilerplate lazy mass-send message to be read and ignored, or deleted altogether.
Then people wonder why they keep getting low/no effort messages or only winks. The Fab community really doesn't understand Pavlovian principles of reinforcement sometimes. |
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I haven't sent a first contact message on here since January 2020.
Every conversation I've had since has been initiated by women getting in touch in regard to my forum engagement or because they appreciate the effort I've made in my profile.
I don't send winks either and often don't respond to winks received if the winker isn't appealing.
I have done a few winking experiments in the past though on winkathon threads where I've deliberately winked and fabbed every single woman and couple who claimed to be in on the threads and I'm still waiting on one of those to respond with a wink or a fab.
The term smoke and mirrors always comes to mind on most of those threads. |
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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
Mostly wink to gauge the interest.
Rarely messaging, mostly first if I go to a club to goers who specified that on respective forum branch or in the status.
As I am not bombarded my messages I always reply to a message even if it’s polite not interested or reply to a wink if profile looks appealing.
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"We gave up wroting articulate messages as 99 percent get ignored, if they dont fancy you my matter how accomplished a wordsworth you are it wont make a difference so just wink now"
This.
I use both winks and messages but it won't matter either way if they're not attracted to you. Just keep it fun and good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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These days I dont send neither a wink or message because most women either ignore or delete my messages I use to send them. I come on here for the forums now |
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By *MCMan
over a year ago
London/EA |
Probably nothing personal OP just people clearing their inboxes as inundated with messages and can’t read them all.
But as other have said attach a face picture and you’ll increase your chances of a reply.
Good luck. |
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By *evonrobMan
over a year ago
Kingsbridge |
I think it’s always worth making the effort to send a message that complements what the profile owner wants. It never does any harm thinking about why you are contacting someone and the worst that can happen is that they ignore you - and that just mirrors life doesn’t it? Frankly if you were a female or couple on here getting inundated with literally hundreds of messages why would you bother to reply to all of them? Perhaps work very hard on your header too? I think a wink is a wee bit lazy tbh. Only time I ever send one is to remind someone I messaged them. Never works though! Lol |
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I send winks to people that are too far away/not looking for me etc, to show appreciation for being such a fine specimen.
I send messages to people I think might be interested and aren't too far away.
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