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Botty problem
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This is embarrassing but it's affecting my sex life so would like opinions please.
So on our last meet, the guy we met unexpectedly, without permission or discussion, introduced me to anal sex in a pretty rough, uncaring and rather brutal way. Literally just shoved it in, caused me a great deal of shock and pain and the meet was swiftly over after that.
I'm fine now, but this treatment caused me to develop a hemerrhoid. It's settled down a lot and is now just an empty "bag" of skin, but I am hideously self conscious about it, and have not had a sex meet since, (6 months), either solo or as a couple as I'm really embarrassed by it. I've spoken to my Dr, but because it's an aesthetic procedure, the waiting list is very long.
I'm not sure how common this is, and is it a massive turn off to see a bit of extra skin around the bumhole?
I don't have a great deal of body confidence (my photos show a confidence I don't have in real life) and this added extra is constantly on my mind and preventing me from agreeing to meets til I have it removed, but that could be 2 years away!
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By *ai24Man
over a year ago
Hull |
Firstly that sounds like a terrible person and secondly to answer your question, I don’t think that would be a game changer for most.
Everyone has little hang ups, I wish you all the best moving forward. |
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I used to have a 'friend' with something very similar..I never minded and after a while she grew not to mind either, the right person doesn't care, none of us are perfect although you look it from your photos |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
thats sexual assult in a big way but cant say the word due to the word being banned if a guy had done that to me i would have been on the phone to the police asap ..simply put hes a very dangerous guy whos getting away with doing this how many others has he done it to hes needs stopping |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ah that's awful. I'm sorry you experienced that. That's not OK at all.
I would say as much as it bothers you, most people wouldn't really notice it during sex. Maybe if you were focusing on anal play it would be something they'd see, but it wouldn't bother most people. You definitely shouldn't put your sex life on hold because of it.
Are you sure it's nothing deeper that is causing the worry of sex with someone new other than the skin? Maybe it goes deeper. You know, that man did something really awful to you, and that would make me uneasy about meeting others for a long time. So maybe it's worth thinking about.
Sending love. But honestly, don't stress about it. Shit comes out of your asshole, that's much worse than some extra skin. Yet men still love to explore the deep dark tunnel.  |
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"thats sexual assult in a big way but cant say the word due to the word being banned if a guy had done that to me i would have been on the phone to the police asap ..simply put hes a very dangerous guy whos getting away with doing this how many others has he done it to hes needs stopping"
+1.
Sorry to hear what this person has done to you. |
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That's just awful... I really hope you've thought about reporting him.
I wouldn't worry about it, I don't think anyone's looking that closely. I have a scar from childbirth and used to worry about that, but no one has ever mentioned it.
I would also maybe think about some counselling, if you haven't considered it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thats sexual assult in a big way but cant say the word due to the word being banned if a guy had done that to me i would have been on the phone to the police asap ..simply put hes a very dangerous guy whos getting away with doing this how many others has he done it to hes needs stopping"
Agreed!
Sorry you have been through this but you dedo shouldn't let it affect your sex life going forward  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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WOW!! That is absolutely not on!
I’m really sorry to hear that this has happened to you, I can’t imagine how you must be feeling!
Like the others have said, I would seriously consider reporting it, especially if he was rough, forceful - unpleasant in any way - it’s not right.
Good for you for speaking up about it, very brave of you to do! |
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It's absolutely disgusting what he did, I can say it wouldn't put me off at all uou have an amazing body one little piece of skin doesn't change that. I do however think that as has been suggested you may be concentrating on the skin as a coping mechanism of dealing with what is plainly assault.
If it was a meet from here please report him if you haven't already, even better report it to the police. |
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Sorry to hear this, What an awful thing to have happened to you. I have something similar to what you describe, through childbirth. I don't like it, but no one has ever commented during a meet. I tell myself that plenty of others people must have imperfections like this too. Nobody's perfect, don't let it stop you from having fun x |
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I'm so sorry this happened to you .but I know how it feels it happened to me few years ago with a ex it's horrible I still to this day can't get pass it even with my husband he is so gentle and kind I just will not let anything go there.please go see doctor has it looked at and maybe try talk to someone as it dose leave bad memories. |
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So many women. Have found themselves in the situations ending with nergitive and physical and mental trauma .no one should engage in anal sex without proper preparation and even better to training your body first so you end up with pleasureable experience
But also highlight the need for
better communication and redlines
someone looking after your safety .
Sorry you've had this experience lovely lady .but thanks sharing and
Bringing it to the attention of others
Hope you manage to get the thing removed and you overcome the trauma. |
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To add a bit more info, the guy thought anal was a "go" because he'd seen a photo of me with a butt plug in. I bought a very small one and my partner and I were testing the waters and getting me used to it and have a few photos of it. We have expressed and interest in DP when talking to prospective meets, but at no point did we say anal would be a part of the play. We are very new to mfm meets and this has been a very very steep learning curve. We know now that we need to ensure anyone we meet understands the limits. I'm a pretty resilient person, but as I said, it is affecting me not only because I'm mortified at having a new addition to my body, but I can't help resenting my partner, who I felt should have acted sooner when it happened, instead of sitting there doing nothing, looking as shocked as I was. However, we have spoken about it, and hope we can move past it. Thanks for all your help and positive comments x |
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"…but I can't help resenting my partner, who I felt should have acted sooner when it happened, instead of sitting there doing nothing, looking as shocked as I was. "
I hope this won’t sound too harsh and it’s meant as being helpful. Your reaction isn’t unusual, but I’m afraid it’s wrong. There’s one person to blame for what happened and that’s the one who assaulted you. Not your partner and definitely not you for specifically saying it wasn’t ok.
I think talking it through with a professional would help to deal with it, because the way you’re dealing with it now is affecting your happiness.
On a practical level, by the time anyone gets naked with you, they’re unlikely to be bothered by such a small thing.
You’ve gone through something that’s emotionally very significant so don’t be surprised that it’s hard to deal with. The physical part is a reminder of what happened.
Sending hugs to you x |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
its these things that make me very weary when meeting alone but i do tell them via messages that consent is everything so never assume anything ...
anyone assaults me in anyway then its the police if anyone is stupid enough to do it with my husband around would need the police to save him let alone me report him this is just not right op not just because of what he done to poor you but also because hes out there doing it to other women ..
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"…but I can't help resenting my partner, who I felt should have acted sooner when it happened, instead of sitting there doing nothing, looking as shocked as I was.
I hope this won’t sound too harsh and it’s meant as being helpful. Your reaction isn’t unusual, but I’m afraid it’s wrong. There’s one person to blame for what happened and that’s the one who assaulted you. Not your partner and definitely not you for specifically saying it wasn’t ok.
I think talking it through with a professional would help to deal with it, because the way you’re dealing with it now is affecting your happiness.
On a practical level, by the time anyone gets naked with you, they’re unlikely to be bothered by such a small thing.
You’ve gone through something that’s emotionally very significant so don’t be surprised that it’s hard to deal with. The physical part is a reminder of what happened.
Sending hugs to you x"
No I agree with you, it wasn't his fault, I'm just projecting my frustration and hurt onto him, I don't want to resent him, he knows that.
I want to feel safe at our next meet, but I don't feel confident enough that I will. I have lost some of my trust in him because I currently can't get past him sitting there and doing nothing as he watched me being abused, particularly when I asked him to help me but he just froze and looked helpless.
As I said, we are both new to this so had no idea this sort of thing could happen. My anger and frustration about it, with the physical reminder of it permanently attached to my body may well be causing me to be irrationally resentful, but I guess I just need time or a meet that actually goes well to rebuild my trust. |
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"Was your partner/chauffeur aware of this violation? Only because you said "we"..
Whoever was with you, frankly should have weighed him in.
That's a serious sexual assault. "
It was a meet from my couples account, not this solo one. |
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This is why I say what I'm going to do, before I do it, it adds a bit of thrill when I say things like "I going to put my cock in your mouth now" but also gives them a chance to say no. Consent isn't just going in the room, it's pretty much everything as you go along and no means no. |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
oh and had dealing with the police twice because of swinging related stuff both stalking and both times the police were excellent ..one was really bad (damage to cars and property) and the other needed a little talking to but both sorted ...
i also screenshot every single bit of abuse that gets sent to me along with there face pics and profiles and keep so if it gets out of habds i can back it up or if they rejoin .... sorry going off track ...just wanted to just say if you do report it to the police then they are very good |
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"…but I can't help resenting my partner, who I felt should have acted sooner when it happened, instead of sitting there doing nothing, looking as shocked as I was.
I hope this won’t sound too harsh and it’s meant as being helpful. Your reaction isn’t unusual, but I’m afraid it’s wrong. There’s one person to blame for what happened and that’s the one who assaulted you. Not your partner and definitely not you for specifically saying it wasn’t ok.
I think talking it through with a professional would help to deal with it, because the way you’re dealing with it now is affecting your happiness.
On a practical level, by the time anyone gets naked with you, they’re unlikely to be bothered by such a small thing.
You’ve gone through something that’s emotionally very significant so don’t be surprised that it’s hard to deal with. The physical part is a reminder of what happened.
Sending hugs to you x
No I agree with you, it wasn't his fault, I'm just projecting my frustration and hurt onto him, I don't want to resent him, he knows that.
I want to feel safe at our next meet, but I don't feel confident enough that I will. I have lost some of my trust in him because I currently can't get past him sitting there and doing nothing as he watched me being abused, particularly when I asked him to help me but he just froze and looked helpless.
As I said, we are both new to this so had no idea this sort of thing could happen. My anger and frustration about it, with the physical reminder of it permanently attached to my body may well be causing me to be irrationally resentful, but I guess I just need time or a meet that actually goes well to rebuild my trust."
Time or a good meet could work, but you might feel better taking a more proactive approach and dealing with it head on. Calling a r&pe crisis line will let you talk it through with professionals who deal with this kind of thing all the time.
I’m sure everyone here wants to help and support you but there are people out there who really know their stuff and can help you much better.
x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I agree with you, it wasn't his fault, I'm just projecting my frustration and hurt onto him, I don't want to resent him, he knows that.
I want to feel safe at our next meet, but I don't feel confident enough that I will. I have lost some of my trust in him because I currently can't get past him sitting there and doing nothing as he watched me being abused, particularly when I asked him to help me but he just froze and looked helpless.
As I said, we are both new to this so had no idea this sort of thing could happen. My anger and frustration about it, with the physical reminder of it permanently attached to my body may well be causing me to be irrationally resentful, but I guess I just need time or a meet that actually goes well to rebuild my trust.
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God, I'm so sorry. I think I'd feel how you feel too, and resent my partner even though it's not his fault at all. I would be devastated if he knew I was hurting and being abused and he sat watching.
But if he was in genuine shock at what was happening, then maybe he didn't know how react and couldn't process what was happening. If he was enjoying it, then that's a different story.
It's a very complicated situation and I feel for you.
Communication and talking about it is probably the best thing, and remembering that your husband was in shock and didn't want what happened to happen.
You're completely valid for feeling how you are feeling. I do agree that maybe a professional is a good idea at this point if it is effecting your mind
relationship, body and sex life.
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I'm so sorry this happened to you. It can be really difficult to acknowledge that somebody rap ed you - the brain has some strange ways to protect us from trauma and denial can be very strong. Admitting it to yourself can be a powerful step in taking back some control and starting to come to terms with it. I hope you have someone to talk to.
And while in an ideal world we would all report it, that's your decision alone and nobody should imply that victims have a duty to report to protect others.
Sending you much love at this difficult and confusing time x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh my love I'm so very sorry someone has done that to you.
It's absolutely vile and I would have reported him for it too, you did not consent to that.
I can understand why your self-conscious but I doubt very much anybody would really notice. We all have bits that we are not keen on.
I do wonder if its the way you got it that makes you feel the way you do about it. How are you holding up?
Look after yourself and please give yourself time to process it all.
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Speaking as a man, I agree. My ex had a similar piece of skin and although we didnt indulge in anal very often, it didnt interfere at all.
Its a deadful assault though, and you should report it annonymously, it may save another woman from a similar attack. |
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I am sorry you have had this horrible experience.
Firstly I would think about reporting this man to the Police. If you did not consent to having anal sex, then that is a sexual assault. He may be doing this to other women, and things like this can manefest.
I do not believe anyone who matters will care about a piece of skin around your bum.
Do not be frightened to seek counselling if you need to. |
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Personally it wouldn't bother me and reading the posts here everyone says the same.
You were assaulted, that's the bottom line( no pun intended)
I wouldn't do anything without the ladies consent especially anal
You sound like a strong lady, hope you'll be ok |
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So sorry this happened to you, I hope you've reported it. I know that can be easier said than done, but it's assault.
The skin wouldn't be an issue at all, I'd expect being wary of meets may have something to do with the assault as well as the skin, maybe it's worth calling one of the helplines or visiting your GP and discussing it.
I really hope your ok, if you need to chat our inbox is open, it would be me (Mrs) replying.
Mrs |
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Firstly that is assault and dosent on any level be ok.
Secondly skin tags. This is a common problem for lots of people both male and female it wouldn"t bother me and hasnt in partners I have had in the past. Dont fret about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to hear you went through this, on a personal level i wouldn’t care in the moment regarding skin tags but upon reflection I have had second thoughts thinking what is that. Nothing a conversation with your partner can’t fix |
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"It's absolutely disgusting what he did, I can say it wouldn't put me off at all uou have an amazing body one little piece of skin doesn't change that. I do however think that as has been suggested you may be concentrating on the skin as a coping mechanism of dealing with what is plainly assault.
If it was a meet from here please report him if you haven't already, even better report it to the police."
Agreed. I'm sure it can constitute assault by buggery. |
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Well out of order and it is without doubt sexual assualt and he's probaly done it before and will continue to do so ?? and depends on your local police force sadly as knew a friend who had a similair experience at a club and the police attitude down here when she reported it was she sort of deserved it going to a club like it ??? and that attitude was from WPC aswell ??? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is embarrassing but it's affecting my sex life so would like opinions please.
So on our last meet, the guy we met unexpectedly, without permission or discussion, introduced me to anal sex in a pretty rough, uncaring and rather brutal way. Literally just shoved it in, caused me a great deal of shock and pain and the meet was swiftly over after that.
I'm fine now, but this treatment caused me to develop a hemerrhoid. It's settled down a lot and is now just an empty "bag" of skin, but I am hideously self conscious about it, and have not had a sex meet since, (6 months), either solo or as a couple as I'm really embarrassed by it. I've spoken to my Dr, but because it's an aesthetic procedure, the waiting list is very long.
I'm not sure how common this is, and is it a massive turn off to see a bit of extra skin around the bumhole?
I don't have a great deal of body confidence (my photos show a confidence I don't have in real life) and this added extra is constantly on my mind and preventing me from agreeing to meets til I have it removed, but that could be 2 years away!
"
That’s awful to experience and the consequences too. Best wishes  |
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I'm totally at a loss to understand what was going through his head - what happened was not consensual and I'm my mind should be prosecuted.
As to bits of skin etc, no one is perfect and I'd try not to let it worry you - certainly wouldn't worry me and you're on my hot list by the way, I think you're sexy as hell  |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
Book an appointment with your GP, asap, in order to determine that it is just a case of piles, as they are colloquially known.
Piles are extremely easy to treat: strangulation by a tight elastic band and it drops off, painlessly.
A fistula can be more serious as is incontinence
Professional diagnosis and treatment is the option |
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"Book an appointment with your GP, asap, in order to determine that it is just a case of piles, as they are colloquially known.
Piles are extremely easy to treat: strangulation by a tight elastic band and it drops off, painlessly.
A fistula can be more serious as is incontinence
Professional diagnosis and treatment is the option"
I already have, it's a pile. He told me what can be done but the waiting list is very long. |
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