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Dealing with rejection
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I sometimes get into awkward uncomfortable situations where nice men, who I said sorry not interested, reply back asking why. Some except the reason but some get very defensive or aggressive. Is it just best not say anything atall? |
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If they get defensive or aggressive they aren't nice men.
If anyone asks us why, we don't answer, the truth could sometimes offend and any ambiguity just leaves them thinking there's a possibility we'll meet later. |
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You need to develop a very thick skin on fab.
You've said sorry not interested & id just leave it at that. Some people (not all) ask 'why' to try & initiate more of a conversation with you, in the hope you'll change your mind. It's hard but, just ignore.
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By *eachcplCouple
over a year ago
blackpool/preston/normandy france |
"I sometimes get into awkward uncomfortable situations where nice men, who I said sorry not interested, reply back asking why. Some except the reason but some get very defensive or aggressive. Is it just best not say anything atall?"
As a female we don't have to explain why I don't want to meet a guy. If I say no, then that is it. Move on! |
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You don't need to explain why you're not interested - no-one does. That's just the way it goes.
I always find it weird that people are asking "why not?": someone either fancies you or they don't. What further explanation could someone want? Unless you're some kind of masochist who gets off on people telling you they don't find you attractive! |
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"You don't need to explain why you're not interested - no-one does. That's just the way it goes.
I always find it weird that people are asking "why not?": someone either fancies you or they don't. What further explanation could someone want? Unless you're some kind of masochist who gets off on people telling you they don't find you attractive! "
Usually it's so they can point out why your reason is wrong. |
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"You don't need to explain why you're not interested - no-one does. That's just the way it goes.
I always find it weird that people are asking "why not?": someone either fancies you or they don't. What further explanation could someone want? Unless you're some kind of masochist who gets off on people telling you they don't find you attractive!
Usually it's so they can point out why your reason is wrong. "
Well if starting an argument doesn't convince them otherwise I don't know what will!  |
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As always I have strong feelings on this. No means no, simple as. Unless you want to offer up a reason why, you never have to.
If you aren't interested, no one is entitled to a reason why. They should just accept it and move on because it's better in everyone's interests. |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
taunton somerset |
swinging is rejection ie if you cant handle rejection then dont swing ..
we used to answer all back but now if they are not for me/us then its a str8 block ..no hassle no revisiting no abuse job done ....
people swing for fun its a fun lifestyle no one wants drama..
ps... its not a guy thing there are plenty of couples and women who cant handle a no thanks too |
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I used to reply to the men who actually took the time out to write a message to say thank you but no thank you.
The replies were so bad that I just stopped replying if I wasn't interested.
I feel a bit bad sometimes, but it is what it is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've sometimes asked as I've been concerned that, accidentally of course, I've said something that isn't right or misinterpreted and whilst it certainly isn't someone job to provide feedback, if they are willing to then it can help to not make that mistake again
Again to clarify I'd never expect feedback if I asked, nor would I challenge it either as that isn't for me to do, they've made their opinion and explained why which I'm more than happy with |
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"I sometimes get into awkward uncomfortable situations where nice men, who I said sorry not interested, reply back asking why. Some except the reason but some get very defensive or aggressive. Is it just best not say anything atall?"
Regrettably there are many folk who don't quite 'get it'. This is a swinging site, not a 'send a message to someone who is obviously just sitting waiting for a call'.
Rejection is the nature of the beast for single guys, because there are 100s to every female or couple. In my profile, I do ask for a response as its polite if I send a message but I don't die in a ditch if I don't get one as I realise mine is one of literally 100s of messages folk can receive. A lot of the time, the 'rejection' comes with a short 'not our type' response (or similar) but if not, I just move on - if there's time, its nice to know why not, but I long ago gave up asking. I have fun, meet nice folk, and am pretty happy.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The way I look at it rejection is part of life its not nice but you deal with it and be polite everyone has different tastes no neec to be nasty and constantly harass someone and question their choices |
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People should just accept and move on. I don’t get why they feel messaging back would change anything. Agree re should you reply maybe just delete so they get the message continue and block. Sometimes you feel a polite no is just doing the right thing but backfires no real answer |
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It’s just crazy the way some people behave on here, which I guess is a reflection of how they behave in real life.
Nothing raises the pushy red flag like somebody asking “why?”. The answer is no, your ego will survive - move on. |
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"I sometimes get into awkward uncomfortable situations where nice men, who I said sorry not interested, reply back asking why. Some except the reason but some get very defensive or aggressive. Is it just best not say anything atall?"
We NEVER answer that question, because it almost always just leads to further questions. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"It’s just crazy the way some people behave on here, which I guess is a reflection of how they behave in real life.
Nothing raises the pushy red flag like somebody asking “why?”. The answer is no, your ego will survive - move on."
I agree. It really isn’t rejection being told no from a stranger on online dating. Thousands of messages are deleted hourly, thousands swipe left (or is it right?) on dating apps. Anyone seeing this is rejection and wanting to question why has big entitlement issues , it’s just filtering |
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"Sometimes you feel a polite no is just doing the right thing but backfires no real answer "
Spot on!
It’s no wonder some people don’t even respond now knowing this is the sort of rubbish they are likely to encounter. |
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"You don't need to explain why you're not interested - no-one does. That's just the way it goes.
I always find it weird that people are asking "why not?": someone either fancies you or they don't. What further explanation could someone want? Unless you're some kind of masochist who gets off on people telling you they don't find you attractive!
Usually it's so they can point out why your reason is wrong.
Well if starting an argument doesn't convince them otherwise I don't know what will! "
It reminds me a bit of our son. He used to spend an hour arguing with me about why he should do homework which took him half an hour to do when he finally accepted that he had to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I sometimes get into awkward uncomfortable situations where nice men, who I said sorry not interested, reply back asking why. Some except the reason but some get very defensive or aggressive. Is it just best not say anything atall?"
We don’t give a reason or expect one back. Just accept we’re not going to be to everyone’s liking, that’s life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m constantly getting rejected on here. People just seem to full ignore my messages without reason. I completely understand as it seems lady’s get so many messages on here they are spoilt for choice. And I’m not exactly a Greek god haha.
Some people just can’t except that someone isn’t interested in them. I think you should do what 99% of people do on here and just ignore the message completely if you’re not interested. Maybe even block them from the off! That way they can’t be rude with you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You don't need to explain why you're not interested - no-one does. That's just the way it goes.
I always find it weird that people are asking "why not?": someone either fancies you or they don't. What further explanation could someone want? Unless you're some kind of masochist who gets off on people telling you they don't find you attractive!
Usually it's so they can point out why your reason is wrong.
Well if starting an argument doesn't convince them otherwise I don't know what will!
It reminds me a bit of our son. He used to spend an hour arguing with me about why he should do homework which took him half an hour to do when he finally accepted that he had to "
I think the younger generation have lost respect for women and to some extent maybe lost respect for people in general, I remember the days when you asked a girl out properly took her to a movie took her hand walked her home to make sure she got home safely, if people can't show respect in everyday life they they definitely won't show it here very sad |
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You shouldn’t have to explain why.
No means no.
If they’re like that via message, imagine in person in the heat of the moment. Best bet is to block.
We have had this a few times with couples (asking why when we give a polite “sorry not interested.”) Neither of us take one for the team and it would be harsh going back and saying your Mrs is fit but you look grim  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I normally just say sorry unfortunately not our cup of tea. Good luck fabbing. Generally get a you too back or something along those lines. Never had anyone questioned it. They have been happy that you just replied and not just ignored and deleted the message x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I sometimes get into awkward uncomfortable situations where nice men, who I said sorry not interested, reply back asking why. Some except the reason but some get very defensive or aggressive. Is it just best not say anything atall?"
They're just proving that they're not quite the 'nice' men they made themselves out to be and that you dodged a bullet |
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"swinging is rejection ie if you cant handle rejection then dont swing ..
we used to answer all back but now if they are not for me/us then its a str8 block ..no hassle no revisiting no abuse job done ....
people swing for fun its a fun lifestyle no one wants drama..
ps... its not a guy thing there are plenty of couples and women who cant handle a no thanks too"
Yep we find if you go by the ratio of men to couples, there's just as many couples who act this way |
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If they do get defensive/offensive then surely they can't be that "Nice" as men and think of it as a lucky escape ??? but damned if you do ..damned if you don't on here with some ...and never ever get into a augument with a idiot as you'll only lose  |
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If I send an introduction message to anybody I always finish by saying “ and if you are not interested just hit delete so I know you aren’t “. That’s how it works on fab. Then I block them in case I accidentally message them again in a years time because I’ve forgotten. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s just crazy the way some people behave on here, which I guess is a reflection of how they behave in real life.
Nothing raises the pushy red flag like somebody asking “why?”. The answer is no, your ego will survive - move on.
I agree. It really isn’t rejection being told no from a stranger on online dating. Thousands of messages are deleted hourly, thousands swipe left (or is it right?) on dating apps. Anyone seeing this is rejection and wanting to question why has big entitlement issues , it’s just filtering "
So true! |
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By *m_hardMan
over a year ago
Swaffham |
"Nope I think you should say why and they have to deal with it. Simples, you’re not going to be for everyone "
Indeed, be honest and they will understand. Another rule I live by is: if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them. |
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You should always write a 1000 word essay on why you're rejecting them, and what they change to be more attractive 
But seriously I wouldn't ever expect to have to explain why I won't sleep with someone.
Mr |
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By *iger4uWoman
over a year ago
In my happy place |
If theres a reason u want to mention then block afterwards.
The whiney 'but why' usually escalates into.. Would look at you twice in the street and other vile garbage.
The sense of entitlement is real. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I sometimes get into awkward uncomfortable situations where nice men, who I said sorry not interested, reply back asking why. Some except the reason but some get very defensive or aggressive. Is it just best not say anything atall?"
You don't owe anyone an explanation xx |
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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
Ive recently experienced similar with 2 ladies, A I work with, B was a mate of a mate .
Thought I've told A a million times I'm not interested in relationships she keeps trying & I've had to block over the weekend.
B was a f#cking mental case haha,again wanted relations when I made it clear I wasn't interested. Initially said fine can be FWB, all was good till I was tagged on FB with a female friend  all hell broke lose! She's never had guys refuse her b4 me saying 'no' her brain could not compute  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Rejection is a really tough pill to swallow, that’s a fact.
If they just whack out the next message to the next profile or turn to the woman stood behind you, it says they didn’t care anyway.
Each person I’ve asked and been knocked back, it’s bothered me, because I liked them in a way they didn’t think of me, and it confuses me how I got it wrong. If that explains it.
But do I pester or then make them feel uncomfortable by asking for a reason? Hell no, she deserves to feel comfortable to be able to say no, every single time and I hope I give her confidence to be able to do that. |
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I've actually hidden my profile for the time being but if I do get a reply .... and it is nice to get a reply even if it is ... sorry but no .... I will thank for the reply and wish well in their search .... descent folk do initially reply back as I am courteous and quite often wish me good luck in my search too ... but as someone has pointed out ... rejection is all part n parcel |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"B was a f#cking mental case haha,again wanted relations when I made it clear I wasn't interested. Initially said fine can be FWB, all was good till I was tagged on FB with a female friend all hell broke loose! She's never had guys refuse her b4 me saying 'no' her brain could not compute "
So you weren’t interested in ‘relations’…but sex and friendship was fine?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've said no to a few women on here, and on other more exclusive sites, and I've had some nasty messages demanding why!!
Just a simple, not my type thanks, block, and move on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Rejection is part parcel of the site, my experience is that sometimes you feel like jacking in the when your not expecting a reply or chat/ meet you get one x |
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Anyone that asks why clearly is insecure and has issues and is definitely not in the correct mental place or maturity level to be on a site like fab. I never understood why people get upset by rejection. Those same people would be happy to reject someone without a thought for that person's feelings. |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
taunton somerset |
some of the worse abuse ive had for saying no has come from couples hence why i no longer look online ....some couples and women are just as entitled as some men ..the only reason men stick out is because of the numbers |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always try to understand why and respect people opinions and decisions.
Not having many pictures…I’m just petrified someone at work will find out I’m here.
Sometimes too honest respectfully and maybe not open enough.
No verification…I get it…part of my privacy though. |
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By *humper.Man
over a year ago
northumberland/scotland |
Playing devil's advocate here...
The rejections I've had where they made it clear it was simply a case of not being attracted, or they only wanted straight males, tall... whatever the reason be, I understand entirely, thank them for their honesty, and if local offer to buy them a drink if we bump into eachother at the club or whatever. Try to leave it on a positive note
However, there have been times where I've been genuinely curious as to why. Was it something I'd maybe phrased wrong and offended them? Was it something in my bio, something I could maybe work on and avoid in the future? So I'll politely ask.
Being neuro diverse, when things "don't make sense" to me, I often struggle not to fixate on figuring them out, finding a fix... understanding "why". It's just the way I'm wired. And in many aspects, is amazing. (Learning new skills etc)
Do I think they owe me an explanation? Absolutely not.
Am I being pushy? I sincerely hope not. Certainly not intentionally.
And, as mentioned already, it's not just guys. I've had couples get pretty arsey when I've told them no (and usually, politely and respectfully, the reason why not)
There's no excuse for giving people abuse, especially not for them/you simply having a preference.
But to assume anyone who asks "why" is masochistic, entitled or pushy... is pretty narrow minded.
Think I need another coffee... morning all
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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
I don't think people need to give an explanation. In one way, it may be kinder to give a reason but surely the explanation of not interested should say a lot really.. like some have said before, it may be there is no attraction there, and some can take rejection well and there are others that don't, and from there rejection can make people bitter and that's when things get nasty when there is no need for it. Just simply wish them a good day and move on that's what I do anyway |
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"I always try to understand why and respect people opinions and decisions.
Not having many pictures…I’m just petrified someone at work will find out I’m here.
Sometimes too honest respectfully and maybe not open enough.
No verification…I get it…part of my privacy though."
I always think that if someone finds out, they'd have to be on here too - so we're even |
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I've never been in the position of being rejected on here.
Not because I'm so amazing and nobody would ever reject me but because I don't have the types of conversations that might lead to a direct rejection.
Many conversations just fizzle out but I've never considered those as rejections or wasted time.
There is an assumption on here that negative reactions to rejection are unique to single men but as others have already said above, in all my time here I have seen lots of single women and couples who aren't used to hearing the word no and feel they have to resort to abuse if someone dares reject their advances.
I've had numerous "Do you not know who I am?" responses or "Do you not know who we've fucked?"as well as a few "You'll never get anywhere on here if we have anything to do with it!"
I don't suffer from fanny blindness thankfully so a few pics and a perceived fab reputation does nothing for me and when I've gone against the grain and passed or avoided some "popular" women and couples on kiss fuck threads I can almost feel the sharp intake of breath among forumites which is swiftly followed by weeks if not months of nasty digs from them and their cronies when I post on other threads.
Nobody likes being rejected but a little humility goes a long way. |
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"I don’t understand why they want a reason?! Surely it’s obvious, the attraction isn’t there.. or am I being naive and missing something? Haha. "
It could also be that the person has no intention of meeting anybody ever and is just on to amuse themselves ... |
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"I've never been in the position of being rejected on here.
Not because I'm so amazing and nobody would ever reject me but because I don't have the types of conversations that might lead to a direct rejection.
Many conversations just fizzle out but I've never considered those as rejections or wasted time.
There is an assumption on here that negative reactions to rejection are unique to single men but as others have already said above, in all my time here I have seen lots of single women and couples who aren't used to hearing the word no and feel they have to resort to abuse if someone dares reject their advances.
I've had numerous "Do you not know who I am?" responses or "Do you not know who we've fucked?"as well as a few "You'll never get anywhere on here if we have anything to do with it!"
I don't suffer from fanny blindness thankfully so a few pics and a perceived fab reputation does nothing for me and when I've gone against the grain and passed or avoided some "popular" women and couples on kiss fuck threads I can almost feel the sharp intake of breath among forumites which is swiftly followed by weeks if not months of nasty digs from them and their cronies when I post on other threads.
Nobody likes being rejected but a little humility goes a long way. "
I'm so sorry people behave like that, they need to grow up!! |
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For me, I need to find the guy physically attractive then his personality needs to keep me intrigued. Arrogant, too sexual and demanding behaviour is massive turn off. Sounds like if they argue with my decision, just block them as it doesn't get us any where doing it apart from timewasting and negativity |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nobody likes being rejected but a little humility goes a long way.
I had no idea it was like that! It certainly is not exclusive to single men. We had a couple interested, told them we don’t swap quite a few times and got hit with the “We wouldn’t fuck you anyway, we’re far out of your league” even though they messaged us and kept pushing for a swap |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The most common is "your loss. My verifications say I'm amazing in bed".... "
No way do people actually have the stones to send a message like that?! I thought this place was built on respect. Eye opening to day the least! |
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While I personally like to receive feedback as to why its a no and can take it on the chin, I can understand that those who believe they are chocolate ruin it for us who can actually act like adults. Hell, even a "sorry, not interested" is better than no reply what so ever. But I completely understand why people do it due to the bad apples |
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"The most common is "your loss. My verifications say I'm amazing in bed"....
No way do people actually have the stones to send a message like that?! I thought this place was built on respect. Eye opening to day the least! "
I get horrendous ones. That's actually quite normal as they probably really believe that as verifications told them so. Most think I am being stupid not choosing them like I can never find anyone better than them  |
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"The most common is "your loss. My verifications say I'm amazing in bed"....
No way do people actually have the stones to send a message like that?! I thought this place was built on respect. Eye opening to day the least! "
I've had opening messages from couples I've never seen before that literally instruct me to shave my beard or forget about it, send a facepic and phone number or I've no chance with them or in one case that I'm too old and too straight to be successful on here.
That particular couple said if I was to agree to play bi and guarantee to bring a sexy woman they would add me to their to-do list.
They had 100+ verifications so I asked if this approach worked for them and they said yes every time.
When I responded that I was about to destroy their perfect record they got abusive and said it was my loss and good luck trying to find anyone who would fuck me.
I've seen plenty of attitudes that change suddenly when I say no but on that occasion they only saw me as a number and assumed I was desperate enough to jump when they said so. |
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"I sometimes get into awkward uncomfortable situations where nice men, who I said sorry not interested, reply back asking why. Some except the reason but some get very defensive or aggressive. Is it just best not say anything atall?"
You should do what you did to me, which was I wasn’t your type and you blocked me.
That’s not a criticism at all it’s simply a very straight forward way of preventing any awkward situations.
To everyone else I wasn’t an A-hole and only messaged once! |
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"I sometimes get into awkward uncomfortable situations where nice men, who I said sorry not interested, reply back asking why. Some except the reason but some get very defensive or aggressive. Is it just best not say anything atall?"
Not everyone can be attracted to everyone, this is a lifestyle site not a fuck site, if theyve got an attitude thats on them not you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A simple " thanks but not for us" tends to work and has been used in the lifestyle for many years .
If they want a interview feed back then we just say " you cant be attracted to everyone "
Sadly over the past 10 year or so the i want things right now and i cant understand why i cant have it breed are among us ....lol
I think what some younger members dont understand is swinging involves lots of levels of fun during the meet , the sex is only one of them ,
So going to the question theres many reason why we all get rejected , so asking for the reason just comes across a bit flakey ....
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"Nope I think you should say why and they have to deal with it. Simples, you’re not going to be for everyone "
I personally don't feel a reason why is even necessary. No should me no, its that simple. |
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Having been on/off Fab for 8 years, I long ago gave up on caring about being seen as "rude". I've been very clear in my profile what I'm interested in, what will get my attention and how to approach having a conversation with me.
I regularly pre-emptively block people I wouldn't be interested in when browsing locally or on the forum. Any clearly copy pasted or "wuu2" style messages are an instant delete. I will always respond to people who have taken time to read and respect my profile, even if it is just a polite and friendly rejection. If I'm not interested at all I usually block. If I could be interested later, I don't, but if they are incessant or ask for reasons it's again a block.
Very very rarely remember why I've blocked someone later down the line but I trust my judgement lol. It's the only way to not be overwhelmed as a single lady on here. |
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"You should do what you did to me, which was I wasn’t your type and you blocked me."
Love that you recognise and respect that being blocked isn't an insult or something to get angry over. It's refreshing!
I once had a guy create a second account to tell me he was angry I'd blocked him when we'd never even spoken. I'd pre-emptively blocked him because of shitty behaviour in the forums Of course reported the second account and blocked that one too lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes I've been in the middle of writing a "thanks, but not for us because...." reply then I catch myself on. If they'd taken the time to read our profile it's often blatantly obvious why they're not for us so why am I taking the time to point out what they should have already read for themselves. |
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