FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Am i unreasonable?
Am i unreasonable?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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i like the win system...cuts the crap and you can move on to finding out more once you know theres an attraction.
Increasingly, i see more and more people asking for, what essentially war and peace in a first message. now thats an individual choice. what really pisses me off is if i conform to that request, and take time to A, make sure ive read every inch of their profile first,and B made a damn good effort writing an email, just for it to be deleted. i know women/couples get loads of mail, but surely 20 seconds to say no thank you to someone who has obviously made the effort isnt too much to ask. i understand deleting 1 liners. am i being unreasonable?? just needed to pose the question...i hope its not just me lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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because the majority of women and couples are rude. And this is coming from a couple profile who both meet solo as well so we have seen it from women, couple and male perspective.
Put up with the majority of rude people and hope you find one that isnt |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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phew...its not just me then. i really dont mind writing decent mail,and i dont mind being turned down, would just be nice to at least get acknowledged. |
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By *am123Man
over a year ago
essex chelmsford |
"i like the win system...cuts the crap and you can move on to finding out more once you know theres an attraction.
Increasingly, i see more and more people asking for, what essentially war and peace in a first message. now thats an individual choice. what really pisses me off is if i conform to that request, and take time to A, make sure ive read every inch of their profile first,and B made a damn good effort writing an email, just for it to be deleted. i know women/couples get loads of mail, but surely 20 seconds to say no thank you to someone who has obviously made the effort isnt too much to ask. i understand deleting 1 liners. am i being unreasonable?? just needed to pose the question...i hope its not just me lol"
i totaly agree i find it just plain rude wen u just get a delete and have posted such in the past  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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indeed.
incoming response of "we get hundreds of mail a DAY"
thats an exaggeration and lots of single fems and couples ARE able to mail back
just mail back one guy saying "thanks for the message but your not what we are looking for, happy swinging" and copy paste it to all the people you say no to.
not hard |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Same happens to us on both our profiles. A is great at writing relevant thoughtful messages to peeps who catch our eye & 9 out of 10 times it's deleted with no reply.
Personally I think it's so rude of people & does my head in. No thanks takes seconds to write & send.
J |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think you are being unreasonable.
However, I think it is somewhat naive of you to expect a reply from everyone you message, irregardless of how much you may feel you fit their criteria. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"indeed.
incoming response of "we get hundreds of mail a DAY"
thats an exaggeration and lots of single fems and couples ARE able to mail back
just mail back one guy saying "thanks for the message but your not what we are looking for, happy swinging" and copy paste it to all the people you say no to.
not hard"
Trouble is too many people don't know how to say that in a polite way without offending or hurting anyone, so it's easier just to not bother... 
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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i like the "copy and paste" idea. it only takes a few seconds more than the delete button!! i may be naive... but i was raised on good manners, and rightly or wrongly expect it |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"i like the win system...cuts the crap and you can move on to finding out more once you know theres an attraction.
Increasingly, i see more and more people asking for, what essentially war and peace in a first message. now thats an individual choice. what really pisses me off is if i conform to that request, and take time to A, make sure ive read every inch of their profile first,and B made a damn good effort writing an email, just for it to be deleted. i know women/couples get loads of mail, but surely 20 seconds to say no thank you to someone who has obviously made the effort isnt too much to ask. i understand deleting 1 liners. am i being unreasonable?? just needed to pose the question...i hope its not just me lol"
if you don't want to write war and peace, in your eyes, then they are probably not for you... and you are probably not for them....
simple as that...
some people like 1 line.... some people like what they perceive to be a bit of effort....
some people like minimum effort for maximum reward....
there are people out there for everyone... so concentrate on those that do it the way you want to... as opposed to complaining about those who dont! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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dont get it twisted bruv. im not complaining that they want war and peace. ive got no problem writing lengthy emails....some sort of response is courteous |
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A little while ago, prompted by threads such as this, I replied to every mail I received.
I received 12 why not? messages. 16 you don't know what you are missing messages and 5 well you are a fat ugly cow anyway messages.
Now I just delete if I'm not interested, call me rude, it's my prerogative to do this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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lol
from a couple
not all but 99% of the emails we get are one or at a push two lines . this puts people off if you meet a girl or a couple in the street would you only say how are you today .well if that works good luck if not you need to change it .the couples getting 100 emails a week will not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A little while ago, prompted by threads such as this, I replied to every mail I received.
I received 12 why not? messages. 16 you don't know what you are missing messages and 5 well you are a fat ugly cow anyway messages.
Now I just delete if I'm not interested, call me rude, it's my prerogative to do this."
one reply to recognise they exist is always nice. just delete the replys if you say no then you mean no but still say the initial no is just human decency |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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lol, i totally understand one liners/crude initial messages.
and i understand multiple messages.
but for genuine thought through messages, surely a quick no thanks is ok |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"dont get it twisted bruv. im not complaining that they want war and peace. ive got no problem writing lengthy emails....some sort of response is courteous"
see... the way i look at everything "no thanks" until i get something back telling me otherwise....
sometimes i do wonder what people want to hear... "no thanks but you keep looking champ, atta boy!!!"....
some sort of response is curteous.. so i take you write back to every piece of junk mail then??
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We always delete one liners some are not even that haha, but we will take time to read one thats more, even if its to say thanks but no thanks. its only fair, we ask for more so we should take the time to say more.
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I Mr will quite often take the time to respond to single guys who arent MRs C's type and often I feel like I have wasted my time as they try to argue their way into her pants or just delete the message and then send us another a week later.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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try again in the future...not like 10mins after deletion..sometimes its just catching people at the right time(I know this from experience)
if u get blocked fair enough...as long as u havent been annoyingly persistent or abusive...
if they mail back that they arent interested thats fair enough, either thank them for the time, or just ignore
Not looked at ur profile OP...so I'm not gonna critique it...yet lol
end of the day...its only shagging ffs-people dont need to blow their gasket at refusals/ignores |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we will always TRY to send a polite no if someone clearly fits our profile criteria, however if they plainly ignore our criteria we will delete their message. We have clear age, sexuality etc criteria but 90% of mail comes from guys outside that. To quote today as an example " wow" (yes that was it, "great big tits", really? "your well fit", thanks so is the female half haha, and on it goes. We make no apologies for ignoring these.
However to nice, well thought messages we do try but invariably then opens up an email ping pong about why not from SOME, not all. Other times we just have a life outside Fab, we dont work as administrators of fab and sometimes just dont have the time. It may be a hard truth but there it is. We have met loads of great people, singles included but whining on about not getting meets or replies doesn't attract us to you (not directed at OP just a generic thought) either.
We get ignored sometimes, cest la vie we just dont worry. x
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
i do wonder if it is sometimes an "ego" thing for a lot of people... where they think they do well on a saturday night in some city centre... and then think "swingers site.... they must all be easy!" and when they don't get the response they think they are "owed" the complaints come out....
the reality of swinging vs people perceptions of what happens.. and for some people that is "ego crushing"..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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the get loads of messages is bollocks.
they dont
some long messages may look like copy and past but ones that point about things in profile is a good thing
it shows you have taken time to read profiles.
the very short 'how are you' or even worse 'hows u' messages earn an instant delete
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"
one reply to recognise they exist is always nice. just delete the replys if you say no then you mean no but still say the initial no is just human decency"
To me human decency is donating to charity, volunteering as time allows, random acts of kindness. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I got contacted by a local couple and we passed messages back and forth then all of a sudden mine were being read and deleted!! No idea why, no explanation or anything......thought i was onto a winner too lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i like the win system...cuts the crap and you can move on to finding out more once you know theres an attraction.
Increasingly, i see more and more people asking for, what essentially war and peace in a first message. now thats an individual choice. what really pisses me off is if i conform to that request, and take time to A, make sure ive read every inch of their profile first,and B made a damn good effort writing an email, just for it to be deleted. i know women/couples get loads of mail, but surely 20 seconds to say no thank you to someone who has obviously made the effort isnt too much to ask. i understand deleting 1 liners. am i being unreasonable?? just needed to pose the question...i hope its not just me lol"
You're not being unreasonable in hoping for a response, but you are being unreasonable if you expect one. You can't control what other people do, so just focus on your own activity and, above all, never, ever look in your sent messages folder  |
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We get messages, not an avalanche, not a trickle. Our profile is there to explain what we are looking for, and not looking for. If we like the look of a profile, we read it and message appropriately. If we do not fit with the profile demographic, we respect that and do not message. We will reply to messages who take the time and trouble to read our profile, even if it's not what we are looking for at that moment in time. We do get messages where the poster, clearly hasn't taken the time and effort to either read our profile or simply sent a message that does not float our boat, which we respectfully reply declining their invitation. We don't treat this as any different to the Vanilla world. We have yet ( and we maybe inviting it now! ) to have had an abusive one. If and when we do, we will deal with it and move on. |
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House!!!!
Do I win a prize???? This is the 1,000,000th post on this exact same subject!!
I can summarise the previous 1,000,000 posts to save you the hassle of using the search option.
General consensus is "get over it"
D  |
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Best thing to do is delete any mail you send from your sent messages folder. Then you don't know what the recipient done with the email. If you get a reply great. If you don't get a reply so be it.
It is always going to be hard sending messages as you never know what type of message the person your emailing wants to receive. Are they looking for an let me tell you a little about myself type message, are they looking for a tell me what you would to do to me if we met type message, are the looking for a witty funny type message etc etc. Everyone is different. No one message fits all. The hardest thing is when people put if you email me make sure your message is interesting. You have no chance of knowing whet they find an interesting message. |
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"i like the "copy and paste" idea. it only takes a few seconds more than the delete button!! i may be naive... but i was raised on good manners, and rightly or wrongly expect it"
I started my fab life as a deleter of messages that I wasn't interested in. Tbh most were one line crude messages and I had a lot being a new single fem so just deleted, then after seeing a few posts like this I though 'hang on... Ill make the effort to reply to the ones that have made an effort for me' so I started doing the whole thanks but no thanks and happy swinging thing. 2 days later and at least half of those replies back were 'why' 'but if you chat we me a bit longer you might change your mind' 'what are you looking for then' 'wasn't that bothered anyway' etc. so I gave up. Even today I've had 2 shitty messages from people who's messages I'd read but not replied to and hadnt deleted yet asking why I hadn't replied yet.
So you can't win, you upset the decent guys who would take it on the chin and say 'thanks for replying' and leave it at that by just deleting and if you don't delete and do the polite thing you then get an inbox of crappy responses back.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't x. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"dont get it twisted bruv. im not complaining that they want war and peace. ive got no problem writing lengthy emails....some sort of response is courteous
see... the way i look at everything "no thanks" until i get something back telling me otherwise....
sometimes i do wonder what people want to hear... "no thanks but you keep looking champ, atta boy!!!"....
some sort of response is curteous.. so i take you write back to every piece of junk mail then??
"
not really junk mail though is it?? 
anyway, thanks for the views people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
one reply to recognise they exist is always nice. just delete the replys if you say no then you mean no but still say the initial no is just human decency
To me human decency is donating to charity, volunteering as time allows, random acts of kindness. "
human decency - showing decency to humans
replying back is being decent, to a human.................. |
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