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Socials....the rules!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I like going on a social before I do the deed, I make the point it's non play, I am not going to have sex with you, why do guys then seem to get ahead of themselves and say things like "I'm going to book myself a room so I don't have to drive home after a few drinks" or...."shall we go somewhere close to a hotel incase we want to take things further".
I mean obviously I'm an adult and can say no, to which I do but why can't most and I do mean most and not all, stop thinking with their dicks and with their heads!
Anyone else get annoyed by this or is it just me? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If someone starts talking in that manner they clearly have expectations that don't match yours. We would just cancel - as we can't stand pushy or entitled behaviours.
We would of course let them know why? It might just might get them to rethink their behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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 a social is always that for me, zero expectation.
However it’s always nice if there’s a nice car park or secluded area nearby for a little goodnight kiss IF things turn out ok, but booking a room?
That’s kind of putting psychological pressure on someone isn’t it?
Great if you’re strong willed not so great if you’re not! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" a social is always that for me, zero expectation.
However it’s always nice if there’s a nice car park or secluded area nearby for a little goodnight kiss IF things turn out ok, but booking a room?
That’s kind of putting psychological pressure on someone isn’t it?
Great if you’re strong willed not so great if you’re not!"
I've got nothing against a goodnight kiss, you know that as much as the next fella but it's the room part that gets my goat, even if they say "no babe, it's just for me"...yeah right! |
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I probably would cancel if I felt the guy would be pushy; I'm very clear up-front about my expectations so if there's any disparity in what we're looking for better we both carry on looking for someone who is a better match.
I have had a social where the guy kept picking up my drink to see whether I was nearly finished because he was so keen to get to "the good bit" (his words!), but normally I manage to make sure our expectations align before we meet up. |
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I've stopped looking for couples on here because far too many of them assumed that as a man I would be open to playing immediately after a social or without any social at all.
They obviously hadn't read my profile but I have been told that it's all a pretence and I don't believe a word of what I've written on my own profile and they know I just want to play with them.
I've chatted to the female half of couples for days with no issue at all only for the other half to get involved and start putting time limits and issuing instructions on how it's going to go down. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I had a social planned and the man said he was booking a hotel i would cancel. It indicates he is planning to ask for sex when a female has had a few drinks. He would probably expect his monies worth too ... |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
I also find that when you mention a social,many then go quiet .
That's a good filter I think ,
Years ago I was meant to have a social meet ,but he let slip that he thought I was making him jump through hoops,but he was sure I'd make it up to him.
I cancelled the meet and told him why ,he clearly begrudged the social and was doing it expecting sex . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I also find that when you mention a social,many then go quiet .
That's a good filter I think ,
Years ago I was meant to have a social meet ,but he let slip that he thought I was making him jump through hoops,but he was sure I'd make it up to him.
I cancelled the meet and told him why ,he clearly begrudged the social and was doing it expecting sex ."
It's the same with "I want to be your fwb" and clearly as the messages go on, that's not the case! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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God typos .. can't be arsed writing it out again .. 
I'd never been so presumptuous as to book a room.. what if the attraction or chemistry isn't there for me ? Pictures are nothing compared to actually meeting .. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"God typos .. can't be arsed writing it out again ..
I'd never been so presumptuous as to book a room.. what if the attraction or chemistry isn't there for me ? Pictures are nothing compared to actually meeting .. "
Exactly, just shows some men will bang anyone. |
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By *riel13Woman
over a year ago
Northampton |
"If someone starts talking in that manner they clearly have expectations that don't match yours. We would just cancel - as we can't stand pushy or entitled behaviours.
We would of course let them know why? It might just might get them to rethink their behaviour. "
I find it just gets them to change their behaviour, not their expectations though |
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I’ve had socials in the past and if that’s agreed beforehand that it’s only a social then absolutely no problem. If I’m driving an hour to meet and we have chatted first, we both get on and conversation flows over the phone, I would certainly look at booking a room nearby so I can relax and have a couple of drinks. This would be discussed and at no point would this deter from the fact it’s a social, not a play meet. If the lady I was meeting was driving so wasn’t drinking then that would be different, but if we are both enjoying the night then I don’t see there’s anything wrong with me booking a room so I can enjoy the evening and we can chat shit over a few bottles of vino as long as we want to  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’ve had socials in the past and if that’s agreed beforehand that it’s only a social then absolutely no problem. If I’m driving an hour to meet and we have chatted first, we both get on and conversation flows over the phone, I would certainly look at booking a room nearby so I can relax and have a couple of drinks. This would be discussed and at no point would this deter from the fact it’s a social, not a play meet. If the lady I was meeting was driving so wasn’t drinking then that would be different, but if we are both enjoying the night then I don’t see there’s anything wrong with me booking a room so I can enjoy the evening and we can chat shit over a few bottles of vino as long as we want to "
Depends how long you been chatting for I guess but that would fill me with expectations tbh but whatever works for you. |
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A social is a social meet up, to see if we connect face to face, and I always say it's "No expectations, and part as friends if there's no chemistry".
That being said, I've usually built up a rapport with a new friend with messaging beforehand, and a 'successful' social will end with a kiss.... |
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"I’ve had socials in the past and if that’s agreed beforehand that it’s only a social then absolutely no problem. If I’m driving an hour to meet and we have chatted first, we both get on and conversation flows over the phone, I would certainly look at booking a room nearby so I can relax and have a couple of drinks. This would be discussed and at no point would this deter from the fact it’s a social, not a play meet. If the lady I was meeting was driving so wasn’t drinking then that would be different, but if we are both enjoying the night then I don’t see there’s anything wrong with me booking a room so I can enjoy the evening and we can chat shit over a few bottles of vino as long as we want to
Depends how long you been chatting for I guess but that would fill me with expectations tbh but whatever works for you."
It’s whatever works for both parties really. If they said a definite no to a social if I booked a room then I wouldn’t as I wouldn’t want them to feel uncomfortable during the meet. Discuss and communicate what everyone is happy with is key to this situation. I had a social on Friday where I booked a room and we had a lovely meal and few drinks, but if either had decided not to play then the option is there to just stay out and have a few drinks. Just because some people take liberties doesn’t mean all of us do.  |
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It has been said often enough here that distance travelled often leads to increased expectations on the part of the traveller but I've found the reverse to be true as well.
I've driven 3 hours each way for a social and there was an expectation that I therefore had to be attracted and would agree to spend the night.
There was also an expectation that I'd done it once so there was nothing to stop me from doing it again or on a regular basis. |
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"It has been said often enough here that distance travelled often leads to increased expectations on the part of the traveller but I've found the reverse to be true as well.
I've driven 3 hours each way for a social and there was an expectation that I therefore had to be attracted and would agree to spend the night.
There was also an expectation that I'd done it once so there was nothing to stop me from doing it again or on a regular basis. "
Yep but there shouldn’t be expectations from either party. |
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"It has been said often enough here that distance travelled often leads to increased expectations on the part of the traveller but I've found the reverse to be true as well.
I've driven 3 hours each way for a social and there was an expectation that I therefore had to be attracted and would agree to spend the night.
There was also an expectation that I'd done it once so there was nothing to stop me from doing it again or on a regular basis.
Yep but there shouldn’t be expectations from either party. "
I've never gome to a social regardless of distance with any expectation. In fact the complete opposite. I go knowing that nothing will happen that day and any attempt by the other person to dissuade me will result in not meeting again. |
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