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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just seen a post on FB by Mr C (From the 90’s rave act The Shamen. Now a well known House music DJ and Night club owner) about uninvited groping and sexual assault in clubs/bars/parties.
I know we all should always apply a strict “no touching with out consent” rule in place it might be interesting to have a discussion regarding unwanted attention and peoples experiences of this in on the swinging scene.
“I just read a post on a friend’s page about men groping / sexually assaulting vulnerable women at parties, clubs & festivals. Let’s talk about this & see if we can together come up with solutions to this growing issue / problem. Let’s also include young or vulnerable gay men & anyone else whatsoever being sexually assaulted by men too.
Of course all predators must be stopped. However there’s so many different scenarios in which boundaries have been crossed that there is no “one size fits all” when dealing with possible sexual assault. For example, if someone’s extremely high, so high that they don’t know what they’re doing and gets touchy, then the victim should immediately tell the perpetrator about themselves and report them to friends, staff and security. The perpetrator’s friends and the community at large should tell the perpetrator about his actions being inappropriate, make him apologize and warn him not to do it again & tell him to stay well away from the victim. Should the perpetrator do it again or harass the victim in any way whatsoever he’s kicked out & barred.
Should the perpetrator once sober see the error of their ways, contact the victim and apologize and then contact the promoter and apologize promising never to do it again, then I personally would give the perpetrator just one more chance. Should they then do it again in the future not only should they be banned for life and ostracized from the community, but a good shoeing wouldn’t go amiss too.
Of course there will occasionally be scenarios where people think they’ve been groped when it was simply someone walking by touching them by mistake. There will also be scenarios where victims aren’t even victims & are lying. This is why the perpetrator should receive a warning & an eye should be kept on those accused. It may turn out that they were completely innocent. Should that be the case then there shouldn’t be any other issue from the accused.
Then there’s cases of people extremely high misreading signals & then touching. Also not acceptable, but should that person see immediately that they’d made a mistake, they should own that & apologize. People do make mistakes, especially when buzzing. I’ve been so high before that I can’t remember a few hours of the night several times. If the perpetrator is like that, they should be confronted & asked to leave the event immediately as they’re clearly not in control of themselves. It’s then up to the perpetrator’s friends & community to let them know exactly what they did. Should the perpetrator not step up & apologize then they’ve shown their true colours & should be banned for life & ostracized from the community.
Consent is everything. Men, if you’re high & think you’re getting signals from someone you fancy, ask them. It’s easy. “Is that a come on?”. “Can I kiss you?”. “Can I touch you?“
Asking is HOT!
Anything but a hard “yes” is a “NO!”
High AF is a NO!
D*unk is a NO!
Consent is everything & asking for consent is sexy. Get it?
It’s also up to us men to step up to the plate & stop sexual assaults happening. Often the perpetrator picks vulnerable women / people who won’t say anything. If we see this, we should say something to the perpetrator, report them to security & see if the victim is ok.
Let’s discuss this calmly & try to find solutions that can be used as a clubbing blueprint for sexual assault.“ |
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