FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Advice to single guys
Advice to single guys
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We get some lovely messages from nice guys that put a bit of effort in and have actually read our profile.
These are quite rare.
I wonder if there is a way that a way that advice can be given to single guys to make everyone's experience on here better.
What advice would you give to single guys to improve their chances and to stop wasting the time of couples/single women that have to wade through all the Fabmin everyday? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"no ...is my answer
my message box is my best filter
ps its not just guys who send crap messages plenty of women and couples do too"
I get your point but the best majority of messages are from single guys.
Unfortunately there's not a filter for have they read our profile, can they construct a sentence or do they have a beard. |
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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago
the middle somewhere |
It’s the nature of fab that you will encounter what you consider poor messages.
If advice is given on how to construct a message that could leave you more open to disappointment than if you just receive the messages as they are now. At least now you can tell who is willing to put some effort in, and as already stated here that can be a good filter.
I wish you success in your fab future  |
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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
I suppose the best ones would be to read someone's profile or check their preference to see if the is a potential compatibility. Be respectful and if the answer is no, then move on but some just don't get the memo unfortunately |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s the nature of fab that you will encounter what you consider poor messages.
If advice is given on how to construct a message that could leave you more open to disappointment than if you just receive the messages as they are now. At least now you can tell who is willing to put some effort in, and as already stated here that can be a good filter.
I wish you success in your fab future "
Yes, I've come to the same conclusion that it's just part of fab. I'll just carry on deleting most of the messages that we get every day and bulk deleting winks.
I'm just amazed at how high the percentage of terrible messages that we recieve. Part of me wants to provide some sort of service that helps these guys at least grasp the basics. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"why dont you put on your profile that you done want single guys?
Because we are looking for single guys..... "
You could block single males contacting you and then you can take all the time you need to look for someone you think that could be compatible and then contact them, we've done this in the past with great results. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"why dont you put on your profile that you done want single guys?
Because we are looking for single guys..... "
I would say it’s part of parcel of the site. I would say this year I can count on two hands people I have messaged based on a profile or advert. Not that I haven’t liked them but, I have a specific list and if there is anything in their profile which I think they may not like me then I don’t bother
Also I am totally rubbish at writing messages off the bat; I can be flirty or chatty on forum no problem but as soon as I try to message someone with then intention of meeting I either under cook it or burn it to a crisp
For me it’s easier to go to a club and see who I connect with. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"why dont you put on your profile that you done want single guys?
Because we are looking for single guys.....
I would say it’s part of parcel of the site. I would say this year I can count on two hands people I have messaged based on a profile or advert. Not that I haven’t liked them but, I have a specific list and if there is anything in their profile which I think they may not like me then I don’t bother
Also I am totally rubbish at writing messages off the bat; I can be flirty or chatty on forum no problem but as soon as I try to message someone with then intention of meeting I either under cook it or burn it to a crisp
For me it’s easier to go to a club and see who I connect with. "
We've not found clubs to be that great ourselves. We've been to a couple of socials and plan to go to as many as we can. We find these a much better way of meeting people. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I actually think giving unasked for advice or telling others what to write is pretty condescending to others,also what suits one person won't suit another. And it's not just men who send bad messages I've had just as many from couples and some women who completely ignore my profile.And those who use this site and send the faf etc messages will never change either so it's a pointless task and one that pisses off the guys who do make an effort on here. There are plenty of decent on here that don't need hints on how to interact with others.
If it annoys you that much use your filters block men from messaging or tighten them right up so you get very little mail.I did that and it's a lot easier to deal with any messages coming in.I also go search for profiles when I am meeting new people and send the first message to anyone who I like the look of as oppose to sitting back and expecting the perfect message or profile to contact me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I actually think giving unasked for advice or telling others what to write is pretty condescending to others,also what suits one person won't suit another. And it's not just men who send bad messages I've had just as many from couples and some women who completely ignore my profile.And those who use this site and send the faf etc messages will never change either so it's a pointless task and one that pisses off the guys who do make an effort on here. There are plenty of decent on here that don't need hints on how to interact with others.
If it annoys you that much use your filters block men from messaging or tighten them right up so you get very little mail.I did that and it's a lot easier to deal with any messages coming in.I also go search for profiles when I am meeting new people and send the first message to anyone who I like the look of as oppose to sitting back and expecting the perfect message or profile to contact me. "
100% this and this isn't aimed at the OP but people constantly complain about messages etc but they don't want to use filters which would stop the problem but then again it's an ego boost for some to have tons of messages... block and do the searching yourselves if it's a problem. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"why dont you put on your profile that you done want single guys?
Because we are looking for single guys.....
I would say it’s part of parcel of the site. I would say this year I can count on two hands people I have messaged based on a profile or advert. Not that I haven’t liked them but, I have a specific list and if there is anything in their profile which I think they may not like me then I don’t bother
Also I am totally rubbish at writing messages off the bat; I can be flirty or chatty on forum no problem but as soon as I try to message someone with then intention of meeting I either under cook it or burn it to a crisp
For me it’s easier to go to a club and see who I connect with.
We've not found clubs to be that great ourselves. We've been to a couple of socials and plan to go to as many as we can. We find these a much better way of meeting people. "
I get that about socials, and I have over my swinging career been to a number. I don’t tend to do then now as I just don’t have time for socials, clubs and real life (non swinging life)
I would say that I have actually made some great friends from socials that I am still friends 15 years later (some we have never played). i have met also good friends in clubs
I think each scenario has its pro’s and cons and if you’re a decent guy or couple you will find others in both. The same as messaging, I have decent photos and decent veris so in the theory should be on.
However in a club, I am a lot funnier and show other sides to me |
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I agree with a lot of what has already been said but just in relation to the use of filters I've never understood the attitude of "why should I have to?" from so many on the forums when that advice is given.
My reaction to that is "why should we have to listen to your sob stories if you can't be arsed using the tools you've been given or to take advice that you've asked for?"
None of this is directed at the op btw but just in general.
Only a tiny percentage actually use the forums and those who don't read profiles aren't going to read an advice thread which is basically teaching them to be someone they're not. |
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By *m3232Man
over a year ago
maidenhead |
"I actually think giving unasked for advice or telling others what to write is pretty condescending to others,also what suits one person won't suit another. And it's not just men who send bad messages I've had just as many from couples and some women who completely ignore my profile.And those who use this site and send the faf etc messages will never change either so it's a pointless task and one that pisses off the guys who do make an effort on here. There are plenty of decent on here that don't need hints on how to interact with others.
If it annoys you that much use your filters block men from messaging or tighten them right up so you get very little mail.I did that and it's a lot easier to deal with any messages coming in.I also go search for profiles when I am meeting new people and send the first message to anyone who I like the look of as oppose to sitting back and expecting the perfect message or profile to contact me. "
Totally agree with you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I totally agree with what JustBo wrote. Telling people what to say or how to message doesn't exactly work…
If you are writing something in a message you’ve seen on here that “works” - Then it’s not quite you & you will most likely stumble in the conversation later down the line.
The only advice I’d give is just be you. People either want to meet you or they don’t |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I actually think giving unasked for advice or telling others what to write is pretty condescending to others,also what suits one person won't suit another. And it's not just men who send bad messages I've had just as many from couples and some women who completely ignore my profile.And those who use this site and send the faf etc messages will never change either so it's a pointless task and one that pisses off the guys who do make an effort on here. There are plenty of decent on here that don't need hints on how to interact with others.
If it annoys you that much use your filters block men from messaging or tighten them right up so you get very little mail.I did that and it's a lot easier to deal with any messages coming in.I also go search for profiles when I am meeting new people and send the first message to anyone who I like the look of as oppose to sitting back and expecting the perfect message or profile to contact me. "
I get your point about it being condesending. I've spoken to quite a few guys and they can quite often be receptive to advice. This was genuinely asking for a way to help single guys. Most of the guys we have spoken to find it next to impossible to get meets and it must be so frustrating. From what we've seen it would only take a few tweeks to improve their chances. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I actually think giving unasked for advice or telling others what to write is pretty condescending to others,also what suits one person won't suit another. And it's not just men who send bad messages I've had just as many from couples and some women who completely ignore my profile.And those who use this site and send the faf etc messages will never change either so it's a pointless task and one that pisses off the guys who do make an effort on here. There are plenty of decent on here that don't need hints on how to interact with others.
If it annoys you that much use your filters block men from messaging or tighten them right up so you get very little mail.I did that and it's a lot easier to deal with any messages coming in.I also go search for profiles when I am meeting new people and send the first message to anyone who I like the look of as oppose to sitting back and expecting the perfect message or profile to contact me.
100% this and this isn't aimed at the OP but people constantly complain about messages etc but they don't want to use filters which would stop the problem but then again it's an ego boost for some to have tons of messages... block and do the searching yourselves if it's a problem."
Unfortunately there's not a filter for 'have they read our profile' or 'do they can they write a message with decent English'. We do use filters but they don't go far enough. We would like far fewer messages, with the ones we do recieve being from people that fit our criteria. |
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"I actually think giving unasked for advice or telling others what to write is pretty condescending to others,also what suits one person won't suit another. And it's not just men who send bad messages I've had just as many from couples and some women who completely ignore my profile.And those who use this site and send the faf etc messages will never change either so it's a pointless task and one that pisses off the guys who do make an effort on here. There are plenty of decent on here that don't need hints on how to interact with others.
If it annoys you that much use your filters block men from messaging or tighten them right up so you get very little mail.I did that and it's a lot easier to deal with any messages coming in.I also go search for profiles when I am meeting new people and send the first message to anyone who I like the look of as oppose to sitting back and expecting the perfect message or profile to contact me.
100% this and this isn't aimed at the OP but people constantly complain about messages etc but they don't want to use filters which would stop the problem but then again it's an ego boost for some to have tons of messages... block and do the searching yourselves if it's a problem.
Unfortunately there's not a filter for 'have they read our profile' or 'do they can they write a message with decent English'. We do use filters but they don't go far enough. We would like far fewer messages, with the ones we do recieve being from people that fit our criteria. "
Block all single men from being able to contact you. Search for those who you feel will fit your criteria and message them. You will receive many fewer annoying messages that way. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I actually think giving unasked for advice or telling others what to write is pretty condescending to others,also what suits one person won't suit another. And it's not just men who send bad messages I've had just as many from couples and some women who completely ignore my profile.And those who use this site and send the faf etc messages will never change either so it's a pointless task and one that pisses off the guys who do make an effort on here. There are plenty of decent on here that don't need hints on how to interact with others.
If it annoys you that much use your filters block men from messaging or tighten them right up so you get very little mail.I did that and it's a lot easier to deal with any messages coming in.I also go search for profiles when I am meeting new people and send the first message to anyone who I like the look of as oppose to sitting back and expecting the perfect message or profile to contact me.
100% this and this isn't aimed at the OP but people constantly complain about messages etc but they don't want to use filters which would stop the problem but then again it's an ego boost for some to have tons of messages... block and do the searching yourselves if it's a problem.
Unfortunately there's not a filter for 'have they read our profile' or 'do they can they write a message with decent English'. We do use filters but they don't go far enough. We would like far fewer messages, with the ones we do recieve being from people that fit our criteria.
Block all single men from being able to contact you. Search for those who you feel will fit your criteria and message them. You will receive many fewer annoying messages that way. "
That sounds like great advice. We're happy for people to give us advice and don't find it patronising. Going to set that filter now. |
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"Sounds a bit patronising tbh! Couples need the advice just as much if not more."
There have been dozens of threads offering advice to single men and all too often that is accompanied with the attitude that single women and couples don't have to make an effort on here because they will be inundated with messages regardless.
The major point most of those with that opinion are missing is that yes they won't be short of attention and messages but it's not going to be the kind of attention and messages they are looking for.
There are many couples who believe in the old myth that there is a pecking order on here and people should be grateful when they get in touch. Whereas those who are respectful and treat others as human beings rather than their next conquest very rarely have cause for complaint and have a much more positive experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The trouble is that 98% of Single Guys are NOT single! They want a shag, they want it now, they want it quick before the Wife can found out or inquire as to their whereabouts. They do not want to make any effort in getting that shag whatsoever.
Furthermore, they have no standards, they are not fussy about what they shag, they just want a shag.
Although this is bad enough, what makes it worse is that do not expect us to have any standards either!
Personally, we think that any approach/communication should be similar to how you might do in the public arena. |
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To read a profile
Only message if you are genuinely what that person is looking for (not your interpretation of what they are looking for)
If your not what they are looking for don't waste your time with messages like I know I'm not what you are looking for but I just wanted to say I love your photos, their inbox is likely crazy & however polite & complimentary the message it's another message they've got to flick through - sounds harsh but if you're getting dozens of messages like that a day it stops you actually meeting & you're spending the time you could be meeting doing fab admin & fab is meant to be fun rather than a job |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
i only meet guys and on our couples profile we only meet guys ive never blocked guys from messaging i do the blocking as i look at my messages for evey 100 messages i get i guess on average 98% are binned or blocked that way no repeat offenders.
a badly worded message or profile is a warning (or great filter) for me i dont care about spelling or grammer but i do care about lazy ...
also as someone else has pointed out probably less than 1% of the site use the forums so it kinda pointless ...
also there are 1,000 of decent guys who have good profiles and send good messages but due to % they still wont get a meet ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
also there are 1,000 of decent guys who have good profiles and send good messages but due to % they still wont get a meet ... "
I disagree! The good ones will always get meets despite the number of guys on here. If anything the good ones stand out more.
If they aren’t getting meets it isn’t down to the ratios. |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
"
also there are 1,000 of decent guys who have good profiles and send good messages but due to % they still wont get a meet ...
I disagree! The good ones will always get meets despite the number of guys on here. If anything the good ones stand out more.
If they aren’t getting meets it isn’t down to the ratios."
i can only go by what i see i guess we all see it differently ... i play regularly ie a few days a week but thats 2 regular guys one ive know for best part of 25 ++ more years most of the other couples we know also play regularly most again have long term regular guys
so on top of the 100/200 men per woman/couple you take away all those that use fab just to chat/keep in touch/ clubs only ...then add in those who have regular that leaves even fewer women and couples left for guy to meet so in truth that 100.200 men per woman / couple is now 500/600 or more men per woman /couples ... thats alot of men not getting meets that includes men who have very good profiles and send great messages and lets not forget the psychical attraction is a must too ..
the prof is on your profile no married men well thats 80% gone no matter how good the profile is ... then no bald men that properly another 20% then cock size or hight but all those guys could have very good profiles and messages ...
well thats my thought anyway i accept i could be very wrong but where are all these women and couples to please these men who have good profiles /messages ???
its always been the same even when 30 years ago we did our first social always to many men ..ps socials back then was dogging lol nearest club was the midlands
untill there is a massive shift in couples and women joining then it will always remain the same |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
also there are 1,000 of decent guys who have good profiles and send good messages but due to % they still wont get a meet ...
I disagree! The good ones will always get meets despite the number of guys on here. If anything the good ones stand out more.
If they aren’t getting meets it isn’t down to the ratios.
i can only go by what i see i guess we all see it differently ... i play regularly ie a few days a week but thats 2 regular guys one ive know for best part of 25 ++ more years most of the other couples we know also play regularly most again have long term regular guys
so on top of the 100/200 men per woman/couple you take away all those that use fab just to chat/keep in touch/ clubs only ...then add in those who have regular that leaves even fewer women and couples left for guy to meet so in truth that 100.200 men per woman / couple is now 500/600 or more men per woman /couples ... thats alot of men not getting meets that includes men who have very good profiles and send great messages and lets not forget the psychical attraction is a must too ..
the prof is on your profile no married men well thats 80% gone no matter how good the profile is ... then no bald men that properly another 20% then cock size or hight but all those guys could have very good profiles and messages ...
well thats my thought anyway i accept i could be very wrong but where are all these women and couples to please these men who have good profiles /messages ???
its always been the same even when 30 years ago we did our first social always to many men ..ps socials back then was dogging lol nearest club was the midlands
untill there is a massive shift in couples and women joining then it will always remain the same"
I think there are more women than men with good profiles/good messaging techniques. The actual number of men who know how to speak to women and have a properly filled out profile is minute probably less than 10% of all the men on here.
We’ll all have different interpretations of ‘good men’ though! I don’t count men cheating on their wives as ‘good men’ but others will and yes I don’t play with married men who have permission not because I think those are bad men but just to keep my life simple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its always nice to get messages and it just takes a few seconds to open a message and make an assessment.
The cock pics and how’s yous and meet now’s are easily ignored in our opinion and act as a useful filter. |
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By *he SmithsCouple
over a year ago
Devon & London |
We’ve honed our profile text over the years into quite a blunt instrument.
If it’s not read we have no qualms in deleting winks or one liners unread. Our block list is huge, largely from unsolicited friend invites.
We’ll always reply to guy who has read our profile, reflected on what we’re looking for and written accordingly.
We don’t send many replies.
Which is why we tend to just play with guys in a club these days, literacy is less of an issue! |
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Personally I'd like to think I put alot of personal effort into messages, no dick pics or expecting meets etc. Just like to talk to the person like an actual person not an object for sex. Always leave a polite hope you have a great week at the end of the message too, therefor if they don't reply, atleast they know I've actually took them into consideration still. |
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"The trouble is that 98% of Single Guys are NOT single! They want a shag, they want it now, they want it quick before the Wife can found out or inquire as to their whereabouts. They do not want to make any effort in getting that shag whatsoever.
Furthermore, they have no standards, they are not fussy about what they shag, they just want a shag.
Although this is bad enough, what makes it worse is that do not expect us to have any standards either!
Personally, we think that any approach/communication should be similar to how you might do in the public arena. "
you are 100% right most of the blokes are married and just want a shag it doesn’t matter how many Messages they send if one comes back has a meet then they are happy has long has they get there leg over that’s all that matters to them and it’s wrong
I see it in clubs all the time pay there money soon has they have got lucky there are out the door
I just look at profiles and let the couples or ladies find you  yes can be a long wait but it’s worth it in the end |
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My advice from a single man to single men is to always read the couple or fems profile no matter how boringly long it looks, there’s nearly always a talking point in there and once they notice you’ve read the profile you catch their eye a lot more than the generic messages they get. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I really don’t think it’s just single guys. The majority of messages I get from couples profiles are just the male side messaging, and saying how they want to meet on their own. Very rare you get to have a conversation with them as a genuine couple. Hopefully I’ll come across some genuine couples soon. I live in hope haha. |
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