FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Taking one for the team?
Taking one for the team?
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Have you ever meet a couple where say the wife wanted the other guy, but the hubby wasn't 100% into the other female (LOL).
More like the hubby wanted the other wife and your wife wasn't 100% into the other hubby, so do you swap as a couple?
Have you as a couple took one for the team? |
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Unfortunately yes
My husband and I have definitely not mastered the knack of communication in a club when you are out on the spot
It seems rude to say can we take a moment to discuss, would love to know how others handle these situations
It's not helped that I can find someone attractive clothed but if things progress and we undress and they are hairy and not blessed down there my mood changes very quickly
While not everyone's cup of tea my husband is quite WE so it's what I'm used to & what I enjoy so if someone comes along that's 5/6 inches or below, I feel like what's the point or even if they are blessed but with a hairy chest and balls, inwardly I'm going ewww but know I'm going to have to go through with things otherwise it looks like I just encouraged the guy so my husband can get to the wife
I know the above makes me sound awful so I should say we rarely meet couples for this exact reason & when we do, I do my best to make my preferences known before we get to that point |
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"Unfortunately yes
My husband and I have definitely not mastered the knack of communication in a club when you are out on the spot
It seems rude to say can we take a moment to discuss, would love to know how others handle these situations
It's not helped that I can find someone attractive clothed but if things progress and we undress and they are hairy and not blessed down there my mood changes very quickly
While not everyone's cup of tea my husband is quite WE so it's what I'm used to & what I enjoy so if someone comes along that's 5/6 inches or below, I feel like what's the point or even if they are blessed but with a hairy chest and balls, inwardly I'm going ewww but know I'm going to have to go through with things otherwise it looks like I just encouraged the guy so my husband can get to the wife
I know the above makes me sound awful so I should say we rarely meet couples for this exact reason & when we do, I do my best to make my preferences known before we get to that point"
Why do you feel it rude to ask for a moment to discuss but not rude to have sex with someone you're not attracted to?
Personally I'd much rather a couple took a minute and then explained that it wasn't working for them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Would never even consider it. Are first meet the female clearly wasn't interested in either of us so the bloke tried to pressure her into doing stuff. We just ended the meet immediately. |
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Totally relate to this but not sure how we would handle it. For us to do a full swap couple everyone would have to be comfortable with it. Just going through as not to 'upset' anyone doesn't really work for us.
Mrs is paramount in this lifestyle as far as I'm concerned so her happiness is top of my list. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No it's dishonest, hurtful and disrespectful to the person. We met a couple once where the guy wasn't interested in me. He should have just said he just wanted to watch his wife with other people."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep safe word I think- if you say to your partner I need a whisky it’s a safe word and also an excuse to break the conversation to go get drinks and create space. Of course best to pick a drink you don’t like because it could just mean you want a whisky! |
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We had the same situation that prompted the post. We sort of knew this couple from another site. It wasn't planned but we bumped into them at a sex club on the same night. We had a chat as a 4some and the wife and the other guy hit it off. The guy asked did we want to go to a private room? My wife said that could be fun and got up with him and me and his wife followed. He gave the wife a proper hard doggy fuck, wife loves that. I had his wife, but it was only because we had to do something.... My heart wasn't in it somehow....its 100% better if all 4 people are keen. So what would you have done in my situation then? Your wife is keen and your not? |
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"We had the same situation that prompted the post. We sort of knew this couple from another site. It wasn't planned but we bumped into them at a sex club on the same night. We had a chat as a 4some and the wife and the other guy hit it off. The guy asked did we want to go to a private room? My wife said that could be fun and got up with him and me and his wife followed. He gave the wife a proper hard doggy fuck, wife loves that. I had his wife, but it was only because we had to do something.... My heart wasn't in it somehow....its 100% better if all 4 people are keen. So what would you have done in my situation then? Your wife is keen and your not?"
We agreed a long time ago to just say "we're just taking five minutes for a private chat, excuse us".
Jesus! You 'had' his wife! The poor woman who you fucked but your heart wasn't in it  |
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Unfortunately we have had a few couples speak to us at clubs where I think the girl is hot but not the guy. And I really want to have fun with her but can't really say girls only 
I kind of want to say it's not you it's me just because I have quite specific tastes in men xx |
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The original question was on one half of a couple being not 100% into the other. I think it is rare we are both 100% into the other m or f. One is always a bit more than the other. Over time hopefully it evens out. One of the reasons we like parties/groups is that you don't have to be committed to one couple. If not 100% into he/she can play a little or not at all and play more with others.
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"Yep safe word I think- if you say to your partner I need a whisky it’s a safe word and also an excuse to break the conversation to go get drinks and create space. Of course best to pick a drink you don’t like because it could just mean you want a whisky! "
But then what happens if they say we'll come to the bar with you? |
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"Unfortunately yes
My husband and I have definitely not mastered the knack of communication in a club when you are out on the spot
It seems rude to say can we take a moment to discuss, would love to know how others handle these situations
It's not helped that I can find someone attractive clothed but if things progress and we undress and they are hairy and not blessed down there my mood changes very quickly
While not everyone's cup of tea my husband is quite WE so it's what I'm used to & what I enjoy so if someone comes along that's 5/6 inches or below, I feel like what's the point or even if they are blessed but with a hairy chest and balls, inwardly I'm going ewww but know I'm going to have to go through with things otherwise it looks like I just encouraged the guy so my husband can get to the wife
I know the above makes me sound awful so I should say we rarely meet couples for this exact reason & when we do, I do my best to make my preferences known before we get to that point
Why do you feel it rude to ask for a moment to discuss but not rude to have sex with someone you're not attracted to?
Personally I'd much rather a couple took a minute and then explained that it wasn't working for them"
I don't know I guess I presume they'd want/expect an automatic yes, & taking 5 minutes even if you just say it's to freshen up could cause offence, especially if you then go back and say thanks but no thanks, actually as I'm typing this I realise what I'm saying is even more ridiculous than having sex with someone I'm not actually attracted to
I should say again it hasn't happened often as we don't look for couples, our preference is singles, but we have occasionally been caught out in clubs when they've approached us |
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The funny thing is with my wife and I, when we go to a club and a single guy asks to join in we are both ok to say no thank you, but less so with a couple. This has left us in a awkward situation one or twice. |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
If you mean have, we taken one for the team no we don't work like that. We have been swinging together for around 40 years. If one of us does not like one of the other couple if we are meeting a couple, we will tell the other before arranging a meet with them and the meet would not go ahead, as to us anything else would be childish.
In a similar way we meet to have sex with others not to form bonds with them but simply for gratuitous sex.
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"Isn't the number 1 claim by couples that you need to be really good at communicating with each other before doing the swinging?"
Yes but sometimes you don’t know until faced with a situation so then a few winks here and there. Both of us are prepared to sacrifice on our ideals sometimes, within reason, for the greater good. As long as evens out over the long term we are happy. |
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"Isn't the number 1 claim by couples that you need to be really good at communicating with each other before doing the swinging?
Yes but sometimes you don’t know until faced with a situation so then a few winks here and there. Both of us are prepared to sacrifice on our ideals sometimes, within reason, for the greater good. As long as evens out over the long term we are happy. "
Still seems strange that one half of a couple would shag someone that really didn't do anything for them |
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By *rMs.NeekCouple
over a year ago
Worcestershire |
"Isn't the number 1 claim by couples that you need to be really good at communicating with each other before doing the swinging?"
It is but sometimes you just don't know until you are in the situation. You may have even made plans, had ideas what you wanted but it changes. It's interesting hearing how others handle things |
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Unfortunately I knew a couple who used to swing regularly. The Wife used to get totally fucked faced with booze to ease the what she said was a painful experience.
She never liked swinging and only ever done it to please her husband. That's fucking horrible and I'm sure she wasn't and isn't the only one in that kind of relationship |
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"Isn't the number 1 claim by couples that you need to be really good at communicating with each other before doing the swinging?
Yes but sometimes you don’t know until faced with a situation so then a few winks here and there. Both of us are prepared to sacrifice on our ideals sometimes, within reason, for the greater good. As long as evens out over the long term we are happy.
Still seems strange that one half of a couple would shag someone that really didn't do anything for them "
Well as with most things there is a spectrum between 100% fancy and 0% detest and not going near them. Can’t always both be at 100% and sometimes neither of us are. Sure many feel the same about us  But can still be fun. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Playing in a group is different and less intimate than two couples swapping privately. |
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"Unfortunately yes
My husband and I have definitely not mastered the knack of communication in a club when you are out on the spot
It seems rude to say can we take a moment to discuss, would love to know how others handle these situations
It's not helped that I can find someone attractive clothed but if things progress and we undress and they are hairy and not blessed down there my mood changes very quickly
While not everyone's cup of tea my husband is quite WE so it's what I'm used to & what I enjoy so if someone comes along that's 5/6 inches or below, I feel like what's the point or even if they are blessed but with a hairy chest and balls, inwardly I'm going ewww but know I'm going to have to go through with things otherwise it looks like I just encouraged the guy so my husband can get to the wife
I know the above makes me sound awful so I should say we rarely meet couples for this exact reason & when we do, I do my best to make my preferences known before we get to that point"
We have code words for "yes bring it on" and "not in a fucking month of Sundays". Unfortunately on one occasion Mrs K got them the wrong way round!
My standards on who I'd fuck while swinging are significantly lower than my former standards for a relationship or even a date (before Mrs K appeared). That doesn't mean I'm taking one for the team - I still definitely enjoy them all, not least because of the group sex dynamic. It's a bit like having an After Eight when you're already stuffed with dinner! |
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Nope
More often than not jack will fancy the lady ,but if theres no attraction to the male for me ,we wouldn't meet them in the first place.
It would be awful to find someone had slept with you because their partner fancied yours,but they weren't attracted to you .
Miss |
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"Nope
More often than not jack will fancy the lady ,but if theres no attraction to the male for me ,we wouldn't meet them in the first place.
It would be awful to find someone had slept with you because their partner fancied yours,but they weren't attracted to you .
Miss"
I agree. It also seems to be about getting what you want at someone else's expense. |
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We met a couple that was a bit older than they said they were ( well quite a bit older). We had a chat between ourselves and agreed just to go with it as we were already there. So I guess we both took one x |
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I'm loving this thread but a little shocked at anyone who would rather have sex with someone they really don't want to rather than say to their partner they're not into it. Sure, it's rare that both of us find a couple equally as attractive, but I'd much rather risk 'offending'someone by taking a minute to discuss or using a safe word...
On lots of occasions at clubs and parties we have politely made our excuses when they haven't made us tick and if people are persisitant we've litetally just walked away, for us it's all about having a great time, if one of us if grinning and bearing it then it's not fun x |
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By *rKinksMan
over a year ago
Alton |
Yeah been in a situation like this with an ex. She was stunning in shape Turkish women he had put on some weight since the photos. Definantly wouldn't ask her to take one for the team.
Was really awkward as it was at a party meant to be 5-6 couples only is the host and the couple mentioned turned up. US and the host wanted to play but didn't know how to ask them to leave politely |
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"
We have code words for "yes bring it on" and "not in a fucking month of Sundays". Unfortunately on one occasion Mrs K got them the wrong way round!
My standards on who I'd fuck while swinging are significantly lower than my former standards for a relationship or even a date (before Mrs K appeared). That doesn't mean I'm taking one for the team - I still definitely enjoy them all, not least because of the group sex dynamic. It's a bit like having an After Eight when you're already stuffed with dinner!"
Yep we both feel like the too. Phew was wondering if just us Sometimes things don't have to be perfect with a group of people and it's still fun. It's not like you are spending hours with somebody making love. It's a quick blow job here or a 5 minute fuck there. |
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Think the club scenario and the off site meet are different?
The club should be easier as it’s face to face and if the attraction isn’t there it’s sorry but both parties go off and can find other people they will both be interested in. ?
The site thing will only work if there is honesty with pictures, chat between all 4 not just one party of a couple and a good social will help let someone down before your in the take one for the team predicament?
Yes I did take one for the team when with a fwb !! |
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It is interesting reading most of the replies - very black and white and almost nobody referencing the original question and "not 100% into". How about one 100% into but one only 80% which is still pretty good Surely more shades of grey here than black and white.
Perhaps that's where people interested in more group sex scenarios/orgies differ to people who do couples swap or threesomes. The chances of everyone 100% fancying everyone in a group scenario is pretty much zero. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We don't take one for the team but this is why we prefer private meets because it's like a vetting process.
Nice pictures of them both, both chat in a group chat and then when we meet it's easier because we already know all four people are on the same wavelength xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No it's dishonest, hurtful and disrespectful to the person. We met a couple once where the guy wasn't interested in me. He should have just said he just wanted to watch his wife with other people."
I agree here. Taking one for the team is not great for you and them. They know when you’re not into it, no matter how much it’s faked.
Just tell them, my other half fancies your other half and it’s replicated. Wanna sit and watch them have some fun? And who knows?…
If I ever found out I’d been bamboozled just for someone else to have sex I’d be pretty gutted. |
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"It is interesting reading most of the replies - very black and white and almost nobody referencing the original question and "not 100% into". How about one 100% into but one only 80% which is still pretty good Surely more shades of grey here than black and white.
Perhaps that's where people interested in more group sex scenarios/orgies differ to people who do couples swap or threesomes. The chances of everyone 100% fancying everyone in a group scenario is pretty much zero. "
The other original question is 'has anyone ever taken one for the team?'. To me that means doing something you don't really want to do to so that other members of your team can gain an advantage. Now that's great if you're playing football but in this scenario it smacks of one couple assuming their pleasure is more important than another person's dignity. "My partner wants sex with your partner, I don't really want to have sex with you but I'll do it anyway so they get what they want." That isn't ok even in a group scenario in my opinion. |
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Back to the original question, it is down to agreeing boundaries/expectations and the fact that in reality, there are levels of attractiveness.
We think we are lucky that even when we return alone from a meet/club, just the time out for ourselves in a sexy atmosphere means we still have a great time.
Finding 4 way mutual attractiveness + age/location/availability factors is very difficult, but it would be fantastic to meet a couple to have some infrequent, mind-blowing fun with.
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Yes, agree there gets to a point where that decision has to be made but for us, that is after we have spent time with people. We have met attractive people who we learned just from talking to them that we wouldn't be compatible with them in the bedroom.
For us, we are not making an instant decision in the first 10 seconds of meeting people. |
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"It is interesting reading most of the replies - very black and white and almost nobody referencing the original question and "not 100% into". How about one 100% into but one only 80% which is still pretty good Surely more shades of grey here than black and white.
Perhaps that's where people interested in more group sex scenarios/orgies differ to people who do couples swap or threesomes. The chances of everyone 100% fancying everyone in a group scenario is pretty much zero.
The other original question is 'has anyone ever taken one for the team?'. To me that means doing something you don't really want to do to so that other members of your team can gain an advantage. Now that's great if you're playing football but in this scenario it smacks of one couple assuming their pleasure is more important than another person's dignity. "My partner wants sex with your partner, I don't really want to have sex with you but I'll do it anyway so they get what they want." That isn't ok even in a group scenario in my opinion. "
Most people have focused on the black and white taking one for the team bit and not the other Even then not always black and white. There are many cases between really fancying and wanting sex and really not wanting to. Of course if really didn't want to neither of us would. Also if it was always one half (male or female) getting to play with somebody they really fancied and the other half playing with somebody they were just ok with then over time that would be unfair and taking one for the team. We can't be equally happy each time and just hope it evens out over time. Guess I just see things more shapes of grey than black and white - applies to lots of areas of life and often gets me in trouble debating with "black and white" people |
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"It is interesting reading most of the replies - very black and white and almost nobody referencing the original question and "not 100% into". How about one 100% into but one only 80% which is still pretty good Surely more shades of grey here than black and white.
Perhaps that's where people interested in more group sex scenarios/orgies differ to people who do couples swap or threesomes. The chances of everyone 100% fancying everyone in a group scenario is pretty much zero.
The other original question is 'has anyone ever taken one for the team?'. To me that means doing something you don't really want to do to so that other members of your team can gain an advantage. Now that's great if you're playing football but in this scenario it smacks of one couple assuming their pleasure is more important than another person's dignity. "My partner wants sex with your partner, I don't really want to have sex with you but I'll do it anyway so they get what they want." That isn't ok even in a group scenario in my opinion.
Most people have focused on the black and white taking one for the team bit and not the other Even then not always black and white. There are many cases between really fancying and wanting sex and really not wanting to. Of course if really didn't want to neither of us would. Also if it was always one half (male or female) getting to play with somebody they really fancied and the other half playing with somebody they were just ok with then over time that would be unfair and taking one for the team. We can't be equally happy each time and just hope it evens out over time. Guess I just see things more shapes of grey than black and white - applies to lots of areas of life and often gets me in trouble debating with "black and white" people "
Holding a different opinion on a subject to mine won't get you in trouble with me. |
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Yes earlier on in swinging. When I wanted to play with just women Often it woujd end up a husband / fwb / boyfriend would manifest. Sometimes I had to take one for the team to get to play with the woman.
Amusingly the guys usually found me not particularly an enjoyable fuck  due to my blatant mechanical motion with them
Now I wouldbt remotely waste my valuable time |
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I’m sure we’ve had ppl say the same about us 
