FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Cheating Swingers - Why Should You Care! (Part 2)

Cheating Swingers - Why Should You Care! (Part 2)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

This is too interesting a topic to die a sudden death.

If you missed the original post you can find it here:

http://www.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/135441

Please, carry on sharing your views all you sexy people

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you had ever been on the receiving end of a phone call from a guys wife, then you would know exactly why you wouldnt want to ever meet anyone that is cheating ever again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

And here is my 2nd post

By Special_Chick Woman 17 hours ago

Birmingham

This post is not about justifying anything. Neither is it about seeking validation or approval of my views as anyone with half a brain cell should know. I know people see it differently from me & I was sort of hoping they'd tell us why? Just as I did in my OP.

I still say that I don't see the point of getting myself into a moral quagmire over the fidelity of my playmates when swinging is such a fleeting experience. Most of my swinging experiences are for the moment. I'm not particularly interested in the personal lives of my playmates because they'd play no significant part in my life after they leave. I wish everyone well in life but I can't make myself responsible for the consequences of the choices that adults make.

If a man makes a conscious decision to be unfaithful, fully understanding the risks to his monogamous relationship, that's a matter for him, his partner & who or whatever he calls God, if he has one. It's got nothing to do with me. In other words, whether it is with me, another swinger or a prostitute, a man who has decided to stray will do so. So what good will it have done me, or the man's marriage, if I pass up an opportunity for great sex, if he meets with someone else next week and gets found out? The warm feeling in my heart that I sustained his marriage for an extra week?

I fully respect those who make a choice not to meet with cheating swingers, whatever their reasons may be. If you'd rather not risk getting a call from a heartbroken wife, that's a valid reason. Although, I'd never know why a woman who finds herself in that situation will want to call you, when the responsible party is in the same house as her.

I just happen to think that life is too short and considering the lifestyle we lead, it's not worth getting into a moral dilemma over someone else's private affairs.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mark b wrote :-

My view is that if you are worried about cheaters either stop swinging or don't ask. After all this site is for sexual meets and if you want to meet someone for that reason then their status is no-one else's business including you...enjoy yourself, and leave their morals to them...

Yes this site is for sexual meets in a swinging situation where either the person involved is A a genuinely single person who hasnt the time for a full blown relationship/marriage or B already in a relationship/mariage and has the full knowledge of their partner

Swinging is just that simple if some people want to meet others for sex outside of their own relationship then there are other sites designed exactly for that go there and cheat with other cheaters xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And here is my 2nd post

By Special_Chick Woman 17 hours ago

Birmingham

I just happen to think that life is too short and considering the lifestyle we lead, it's not worth getting into a moral dilemma over someone else's private affairs.

I am responsible for me. Other people are responsible for themselves.

You can't force someone to cheat. You can't entice someone into doing something that they don't want to.

Why someone would think their cheating partner is 'innocent' and someone else was to blame.... The mind boggles.....!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because when a woman finds her husband has been cheating the do assume it was the female they met WITH did all the running after her man and not the other way round xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you had ever been on the receiving end of a phone call from a guys wife, then you would know exactly why you wouldnt want to ever meet anyone that is cheating ever again.

so long as they dont know your address dont worry, you can hang up and change your number

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By *issHottieBottieWoman over a year ago

Kent

I didnt think my cheating partner was innocent when I discovered what he was up to with a person at work, I packed his bags and threw him out.

I did however wonder what was going through her mind when she knew damn well he had a girlfriend and an 18 month old baby at home. Maybe she liked the attention, who knows? But I would of asked her given the opportunity. There's plenty of single men in the world and for that reason I choose not to play with attached men.

If others choose to that's their decision. I've even had a couple of messages from guys who state they aren't single in their profile, so I've declined and told them why, they seemed surprised so maybe I'm in the minority.

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As with anything people have their differing reasons for their choices, do what works best for you!

I personally am not too worried, I agree with the idea that they'll cheat either way. If I was to get a phone call from an angry partner later down the line I would just ask them why they were calling me. Roles reversed, if a partner of mine cheated on me, then the only person I would need to speak to is my (by then ex) partner.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Mark b wrote :-

Thankyou...I've just had a message from a woman in the previous thread saying that my comments were selfish and made obviously by a married man. As my profile states I am single and to state that I am a cheater is not called for. I thought my opinion that we are all here for fun was clear. Surely we meet with the same view in mind, and if one party is cheating then that's up to them and their morals...I know we all think differently but that's the view of this SINGLE man

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By *ouple_SpondonCouple over a year ago

Spondon

Surely the onus falls on the married party to maintain his/her fidelity. Wr struggled with the same issue when we started playing with others. We didn't hunt for married people, we merely assumed if they are on this site then they are either single, play together or have the blessing of their partner.

If this is not the case then any blame for a broken relationship falls to the person not strong willed enough to say "thanks but no thanks"; the married party.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If I got a phone call from an angry partner I'd ask them why the heck they thought I was the only one their partner had been with.

Only my bloke has my real phone number. No-one comes round to my house.

I totally agree that it is up to each person what they want to do. If people don't want to meet an attached person, of course that is their right. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

All this agro stems from society's current definition of fidelity & prescription of one woman-one man sex partners for life.

And I believe these are all dying concepts because they are clearly an unnatural state of affairs. Otherwise they wouldn't constantly be resisted by so many and also in increasing numbers.

Love should have little to do with who you sleep with and a lot more to do with other things. Companionship, shared goals & values, shared interests, a desire to start & nurture a family, etc

I predict that those couples that are able to liberalise their attitudes towards sex in a relationship, would have a far more sustainable relationship than those who don't.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"All this agro stems from society's current definition of fidelity & prescription of one woman-one man sex partners for life.

And I believe these are all dying concepts because they are clearly an unnatural state of affairs. Otherwise they wouldn't constantly be resisted by so many and also in increasing numbers.

Love should have little to do with who you sleep with and a lot more to do with other things. Companionship, shared goals & values, shared interests, a desire to start & nurture a family, etc

I predict that those couples that are able to liberalise their attitudes towards sex in a relationship, would have a far more sustainable relationship than those who don't."

totally agree. I've had a woman contact me although not when I was swinging. I actually told her to talk to her man not me. As it wasn't my problem

I don't see it as my fault someone is cheating.

Cali

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You do seem to hear it quite a bit about some friend or other who has been caught cheating sometimes for the second time in as many months then the break up bit and costs etc not only in monetary value.

If more couples spoke honestly with their own partners about their sex lives instead of the usual fumble under the covers quick bit of pushing shoving then rolling over they may find that both of them are into the idea of uncomplicated sex with likeminded people.

Others may just enjoy the thrill of being caught xx

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By *issHottieBottieWoman over a year ago

Kent

Others may just enjoy the thrill of being caught xx "

I totally agree with this!!

It's just a shame that instead of this people sneak around, lie and deceive their supposed love ones. X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I didnt think my cheating partner was innocent when I discovered what he was up to with a person at work, I packed his bags and threw him out.

Xxx "

And they come out with things like 'well I will be single when we meet'

Am beginning to also think that single males are a minority and if we are not careful, they will have the upper hand not us women

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By *EXY50ishWoman over a year ago

Anywhere and nowhere

[Removed by poster at 01/12/12 14:30:01]

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By *coobyroo218Couple over a year ago

Guernsey

We meet married men and women, even couples who are just fuck buddies, what they do in their home life is no concern of ours.

I read the other thread and have thought about it alot more since.

This day and age it is soooo easy for single men/women to cheat, internet mobile smart phones internet cafes etc etc, so if fabs and other swing sites where not around how many of these single that are married cheat????

It is all to easy to set up a secret email addy set up a profile and away you go. Years ago you had to rely on contact mags to get swing meets and that meant letters back and forth so a po box number was needed if you wanted to cheat, a lot harder than today's press of a button.

We are all on here to have fun a frolics and live out fantasies that we all have, and this will always attract the person that cannot get his fantasies at home, hell f everyone was interested in living out their fantasies then everyone would be on here, but their not.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I didnt think my cheating partner was innocent when I discovered what he was up to with a person at work, I packed his bags and threw him out.

Xxx

And they come out with things like 'well I will be single when we meet'

Am beginning to also think that single males are a minority and if we are not careful, they will have the upper hand not us women

Upper hand? Should any of us be wanting an upper hand or isn't mutual respect key, not one type above the other...honestly

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I didnt think my cheating partner was innocent when I discovered what he was up to with a person at work, I packed his bags and threw him out.

Xxx

And they come out with things like 'well I will be single when we meet'

Am beginning to also think that single males are a minority and if we are not careful, they will have the upper hand not us women

Upper hand? Should any of us be wanting an upper hand or isn't mutual respect key, not one type above the other...honestly

I was thinking on the lines that there are something like 25 single males to 1 woman and given I seem to be constantly messaged by cheaters lately; both those that say they are married/have significant other and those that don't, we women will have to message guys instead with a nice message

and then they will moan that they get too many messages to reply to

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I see an awful lot of sweeping generalisations with very little evidence to back them up here.

Society does assume one man one woman and that was mostly in place so that children had a secure environment with someone to nurture and soemone to provide (in basic terms) to now suggest that people should suddenly abandon that way of life that has been the norm for hundreds of years is simplistic and not realistic.

Also to suggest that all monogomous relationships consist of boring sex lives is something that can't possibly be backed up by concrete evidence and neither can citing that as a reason for men or women to be unfaithful to their partners.

There are as many reasons for being unfaithful as there are people doing it and whether one chooses to meet those people or not is a matter for you and you alone to decide.

What I do know is that if you enter into a relationship in which you have promised either by assumption or vow to be faithful to the other person then the one being cheated on has a right to be hurt and angry.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I see an awful lot of sweeping generalisations with very little evidence to back them up here.

There are as many reasons for being unfaithful as there are people doing it and whether one chooses to meet those people or not is a matter for you and you alone to decide.

I haven't seen anyone here advocating for infidelity to be the norm. Neither have I seen anyone saying the family unit of one man-one woman should be done away with or that they have boring sex lives.

There are couples who are very happy in sexless relationships and there are those who are totally happy with the sex they have with each other.

On the other side of things there are couples who are in open relationships and have very happy family lives and have also brought up kids in a loving family environment.

What we seem to forget is that people change. What you like when you started your relationship may have changed when you're 5, 10, 15 or 20 years into your relationship.

At the moment if your sexual preferences change and your partner doesn't like what you want to change to, your only "acceptable" alternative is to split up. Notwithstanding what you've built together up until that point, including kids. Or you could play the faithful partner and suffer for the rest of your life.

I happen to believe that when society evolves to the stage where there are more acceptable alternatives other than the two above, we'll all be happier for it.

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By *estless in batterseaMan over a year ago

Wandsworth

"I see an awful lot of sweeping generalisations with very little evidence to back them up here.

There are as many reasons for being unfaithful as there are people doing it and whether one chooses to meet those people or not is a matter for you and you alone to decide.

There are couples who are very happy in sexless relationships and there are those who are totally happy with the sex they have with each other.

On the other side of things there are couples who are in open relationships and have very happy family lives and have also brought up kids in a loving family environment.

What we seem to forget is that people change. What you like when you started your relationship may have changed when you're 5, 10, 15 or 20 years into your relationship.

I happen to believe that when society evolves to the stage where there are more acceptable alternatives other than the two above, we'll all be happier for it."
once again you owned the stage! If only more people can be more open minded... All this talk about cheaters and not a thought about what vanilla people think about swingers.

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By *estless in batterseaMan over a year ago

Wandsworth

Funny thing is some narrow minded people on here actually think because they are either single swingers or consentual couples that they are somehow better than a person who's cheating on their partner, to that I say bollocks! More people would accept a cheater than they would a swinger. The bottom line is both the swinger and the cheater are full of shit, us included but hey! Who gives a f**k! We love what we do and who cares if someone out there wants to pass judgement on us.

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By *inktherapyCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

Coming in late here (and I've only skim read the threads, so apologies)

I will knowingly play with married/ attached men. They will end up cheating anyway. I don't give my phone number (very few fab members have ever had it) and I have a play email address and no-one ever comes to my house - and I don't tend to say which area I live in, anyway.

No, I wouldn't want to be on the end of a phone call from the 'wronged' wife, for sure, but married men can sometimes be easier than single guys from my point of view to play with - they understand there are time constraints and that I can't meet them at the drop of a hat/ every day etc (not all single guys are like that, I know, but I've met a few who were a little too keen to meet up all the time and texted all the time (hence not giving number out now)

I prefer to know if someone is married/ attached, but it definitely isn't a deal breaker for me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Coming in late here (and I've only skim read the threads, so apologies)

I prefer to know if someone is married/ attached, but it definitely isn't a deal breaker for me."

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"As with anything people have their differing reasons for their choices, do what works best for you!

So...you have no qualms about sleeping with cheating partners, but if your partner cheated on you, she would be an ex - don't you just love it!

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

I'm here for my own hedonistic pleasure. I don't know married men, not because I care about partners, but they serve absolutely no purpose to me.

No point meeting a man if I can't drop wax on him, wear the perfume of my choice, play all night in either of our homes etc...because he can't have any unexplained marks, scents etc.

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By *ptimusDMan over a year ago

Birmingham

"I'm here for my own hedonistic pleasure. I don't know married men, not because I care about partners, but they serve absolutely no purpose to me.

No point meeting a man if I can't drop wax on him, wear the perfume of my choice, play all night in either of our homes etc...because he can't have any unexplained marks, scents etc.

Can't argue with you on this one

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM) over a year ago

birmingham

"I prefer to know if someone is married/ attached, but it definitely isn't a deal breaker for me"

We wouldn't meet someone if they were cheating

We don't agree with cheating, if someone's not happy, move on!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Funny thing is some narrow minded people on here actually think because they are either single swingers or consentual couples that they are somehow better than a person who's cheating on their partner, to that I say bollocks! More people would accept a cheater than they would a swinger. The bottom line is both the swinger and the cheater are full of shit, us included but hey! Who gives a f**k! We love what we do and who cares if someone out there wants to pass judgement on us. "

well i wander why people take vows and make commitments if they aint gonna stick to them :/

"for better or worse" that doesn tmean "its ok while its in the better zone, but when it comes to worse ill do my own thing"

just seems common sense not judgement to me to understand the mentality of a cheater.. someone who can decieve others for their own gain XD

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

well i wander why people take vows and make commitments if they aint gonna stick to them :/

"for better or worse" that doesn tmean "its ok while its in the better zone, but when it comes to worse ill do my own thing"

just seems common sense not judgement to me to understand the mentality of a cheater.. someone who can decieve others for their own gain XD"

if its narrowmindedness, then pls can someone give me an example of why someone would cheat that is for complete selfish reasons? a reason that isnt just thinking of what they want and ignoring the other person in their life and the standing by the choices they have made in life?

i dont like selfishness.. atho i understand everyone is human and we all bare that trait, but im talking when someone is completely self centred.

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By *enithWoman over a year ago

closer than you think

I played with single and married men when I was on my own .... it was just NSA sex

Way I look at if it wasn't me it would be someone else ...... in my experience married males are better lovers and more attentive

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You know what? Shit happens.

We are not here to be anyones moral guardian. This site is all about free choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You know what? Shit happens.

We are not here to be anyones moral guardian. This site is all about free choice."

It certainly does happen

I'm on here for fun and lots of it and dont want to be someones moral guardian ..... just my own xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You know what? Shit happens.

We are not here to be anyones moral guardian. This site is all about free choice.

It certainly does happen

I'm on here for fun and lots of it and dont want to be someones moral guardian ..... just my own xx"

Free choice and if people start a thread offering an opinion then everyone is entitles to express there

When someone starts throwing accusations to my opinions I have the right to question it

If people don't want others opinions then don't ask for them..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You know what? Shit happens.

We are not here to be anyones moral guardian. This site is all about free choice.

It certainly does happen

I'm on here for fun and lots of it and dont want to be someones moral guardian ..... just my own xx

Free choice and if people start a thread offering an opinion then everyone is entitles to express there

When someone starts throwing accusations to my opinions I have the right to question it

If people don't want others opinions then don't ask for them.."

Opinions are like arseholes. Everyone has got one.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Prefer not to meet cheaters for several reasons, firstly because we are only free to meet on weekends and its a nightmare trying to arrange meets with someone playing away, secondly we are looking for regular fun and potential overnight stays. Finally I was cheated on and it broke my heart, I could never play a part in knowingly shagging a cheater, I'd be thinking too much about his poor partner, too much empathy perhaps but that's just me

Lady x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You know what? Shit happens.

We are not here to be anyones moral guardian. This site is all about free choice."

People are big enough, and ugly enough to sort their own messes out. If they're not capable of doing that, then they shouldn't be playing around on sites like this - quite simply...

Wolf

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By *ornishBiLoverMan over a year ago

Plymouth

People are on this site for a reason, looking for like minded folk. If a couple or single person prefers not to play with Bi playmates then they just pass them by and look for a more suitable playmate, similarly with playmates playing without their partners knowledge, they should be open and honest about it on their profile so other playmates can make informed decisions as to play with them or not.

My opinion (as someone who is playing without partners knowledge) my opinion is that its an individuals choice however they should specify that choice on the profile so that other playmates can make their choice too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Prefer not to meet cheaters for several reasons, firstly because we are only free to meet on weekends and its a nightmare trying to arrange meets with someone playing away, secondly we are looking for regular fun and potential overnight stays. Finally I was cheated on and it broke my heart, I could never play a part in knowingly shagging a cheater, I'd be thinking too much about his poor partner, too much empathy perhaps but that's just me

Lady x "

I have been a child in the middle of warring parents and a mother cheating on my dad, not a nice situation to be in either

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By *aughtywifeandhimCouple over a year ago

bedford

Best if both partners swing then there is no cheating,we mainly play together but sometimes we do play seperate if planned we let each other know if unplanned we will text each other .but we will not go behind each others backs,simple as that,you need to trust your partner

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By *ptimusDMan over a year ago

Birmingham

I know a lady who will like to swing with her husband, but is concerned that if she brings up the subject & it doesn't take his fancy, then it may make for a very awkward situation afterwards & may possibly be the beginning of the end.

Call it paranoia if you like, but it can be a very difficult thing to deal with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I love the pathetic excuse over how it isn't my business.

If I meet you and then get some call or 'visit' from a guy who just happens to be your boyfriend or husband, this isn't my business to know?

oh sorry mother Teresa! I didn't know you wanted your private life to remain private whilst sneaking around and causing aggro for those you sleep with.

It is my business.

Last time I checked I didn't sleep with cheaters though.

And never will.

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By *entilusMan over a year ago

Beautiful North Wales

What if the marriage has been sexless for many years (due to chronic illness)?

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By *neplusserMan over a year ago

Birmingham

"What if the marriage has been sexless for many years (due to chronic illness)? "

Thats seriously not a good enough reason to cheat...

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By *lifelessvanillaCouple over a year ago

Queens Park, London

Every time anyone is sexually intimate with a single guy or girl they open themselves up to a certain level of risk. If that single is prepared to lie to and deceive their partner, why should we give any credence to their assertions of safe sexual practices?

Cheating inevitably causes pain and suffering for the victim. Why should we ignore this when deciding whether to meet and play with someone?

There are plenty of singles who aren't committing adultery and we prefer to play with these people.

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple over a year ago

Bolton

"Every time anyone is sexually intimate with a single guy or girl they open themselves up to a certain level of risk. If that single is prepared to lie to and deceive their partner, why should we give any credence to their assertions of safe sexual practices?

Cheating inevitably causes pain and suffering for the victim. Why should we ignore this when deciding whether to meet and play with someone?

There are plenty of singles who aren't committing adultery and we prefer to play with these people.

Very well said- agree. Z

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