FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > To Dom or not to Dom
To Dom or not to Dom
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Been chatting to a fem who's said she's a submissive n is looking for a master
Never been properly dominate don't no if I can be or how to be....
Thoughts Fab Folks  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Speaking as a sub, if you're not sure whether you're a dom or not then you're not. "
Im not sure it's that cut and dry to be honest - what about switches?
Although they bring a whole load more controversy with them lol
For me doming is just something that comes naturally ...almost like walking. In some ways I've been guided but it's always been part of me - its just how I am with women.
Why not give it a go?
It's not about being violent or beating her into submission. It can also be done very sensually. Firstly, don't give her too many choices. Take control, be firm but not aggressive. Try some hair pulling and/or some light choking - slap her bottom if she's 'disobeying' your commands ...I could go on but I'm sure you get the point.
She'll let you know if she's enjoying it or not.
The key to it is communication - perhaps ask her what she's interested in or to share some fantasies with you?
This is just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak, but the more you play, the more you'll learn about her desires and most importantly, limits 
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being a master is more than being dominant. I'd echo others comments and also be a little wary of a sub who thinks a man that has never dominated anyone could make a suitable master. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being a master is similar to becoming a parent. The sub puts themselves under your care. They look up to you. They rely on their master in many ways.
Play Dom and master to me are a world apart. I also do believe that sometimes wannabe subs are as bad if not worse than wannabe dominants. So be wary.
It can be a very amazing experience and a journey that neither will forget. But also has a potential for disaster.
I think that you know if your dominant. It's not something you do as most people can do dominant acts. Being dominant is about being naturally dominant. It's just something you are.
Cali |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks guys am thinking the if not site then not Dom
But I've messages a few (what I would say are Dom things) she's responded in a positive way......
She's in a vanilla relationship apparently? |
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By *evilwolfCouple
over a year ago
Leicestershire |
"I'd echo others comments and also be a little wary of a sub who thinks a man that has never dominated anyone could make a suitable master."
I dare say all dominants and masters had to start out having never dominated anyone. Once embarked down that track, how well they progress will come from within, rather than a set of guides or how-to's.
Wolf
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been chatting to a fem who's said she's a submissive n is looking for a master
Never been properly dominate don't no if I can be or how to be....
Thoughts Fab Folks "
Don't believe the rubbish about having to instinctively know that you're dominant or a 'master'. In the right circumstances and with the right partners we're all capable of discovering something new and unexpected about ourselves. If you're intrigued and have the opportunity, why not give it a go |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Of course everyone started somewhere. But the dominants I know have always just known. I don't mean for play stuff. As really that doesn't take to much but common sense
But if she is looking for a master that suggests to me that she is looking for something more.
However whatever have fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Discuss what she wants from a master first...you may find she's read 50 Shades and so is just after a bit of kink rather than 'real' D/s style fun. If she wants something more and it's too extreme for you then you'll have to decide if it's something you'd be happy to explore |
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people telling other people they are not Dom or not sub is hillarious and also a bit silly i think. Its also fuckin boring and something you hear all the time in the bdsm world. Anyone can do either if they are willing,but how much the game is enjoyed is a different matter. As far as i am concerned its just a roleplay game.
I think it helps if you are a good listener and are very intuitive and creative. some knowledge of psychology also helps and empathy is a must. Its a "game" and remember that when you are "playing" so when you cock it up or break role you can both laugh about it, after all its meant to be fun isnt it ? That said and done it all sounds complicated and desperate, she has no experience of being sub, you have no experience of being dom and she is also in a relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been chatting to a fem who's said she's a submissive n is looking for a master
Never been properly dominate don't no if I can be or how to be....
Thoughts Fab Folks "
I am very dom in bed.... I didnt relise I was but the last 3 or 4 girls have made comments on it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"people telling other people they are not Dom or not sub is hillarious and also a bit silly i think. Its also fuckin boring and something you hear all the time in the bdsm world. Anyone can do either if they are willing,but how much the game is enjoyed is a different matter. As far as i am concerned its just a roleplay game.
I think it helps if you are a good listener and are very intuitive and creative. some knowledge of psychology also helps and empathy is a must. Its a "game" and remember that when you are "playing" so when you cock it up or break role you can both laugh about it, after all its meant to be fun isnt it ? That said and done it all sounds complicated and desperate, she has no experience of being sub, you have no experience of being dom and she is also in a relationship."
Sorry but I find your comment insulting. It's not a game or role play to many. My comments are from a full time slaves point of view. I commented as she was looking for a master. That to me suggests she is looking for a bit more than bedroom domination. Hence I commented you either are or your not.
Anyone can play at being anything but for me this is not a game and it's not something I turn on or off
Cali |
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By *yggeCouple
over a year ago
South Yorkshire |
"people telling other people they are not Dom or not sub is hillarious and also a bit silly i think. Its also fuckin boring and something you hear all the time in the bdsm world. Anyone can do either if they are willing,but how much the game is enjoyed is a different matter. As far as i am concerned its just a roleplay game.
I think it helps if you are a good listener and are very intuitive and creative. some knowledge of psychology also helps and empathy is a must. Its a "game" and remember that when you are "playing" so when you cock it up or break role you can both laugh about it, after all its meant to be fun isnt it ? That said and done it all sounds complicated and desperate, she has no experience of being sub, you have no experience of being dom and she is also in a relationship."
I reckon the bdsm world nowhave so many rules of how it can and can't be done they ceased to have fun. We mess about with this alot now for fun and fantasy and make it up as our minds dictate . Not a goth long leather coat or pony tail to be seen either |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im with cali here,
BDSM isnt all a game.
There are levels and going straight in too be a Master is like getting married before sex.... but its just terminology.
She may want a Master however is looking for (what I know as) a top and is just unsure of the definitions (arnt we all)
If it's fun and you're both willing then go for it, its a journey, you never know 1 or both of you may find you enjoy the lifestyle and could go on from here 
Word of caution though, trust is really important, how would you feel about sitting in a police station saying 'but she told me online she wanted it'...
Im not saying this will happen, just think about what you are doing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's not snobbery. It's called living it as opposed to seeing it as a game. My former master and I stuck no value on all these a slave must do this or that. But found what worked for us
What many of us are saying is not everyone wants it as play. And even playful can have consequences you may not think about in advance.
I would never ever submit on a meet. I may have acts which some may see as dominant but submission to me is more than an act. It's a state of mind
Cali |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"... submission to me is more than an act. It's a state of mind
"
Cali is spot on here. My choice to submit to my dom isn't an act, I don't turn it on and off. Its not something I pretend to do only when we meet.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Am I getting right
She said she's only allowed to touch herself if her Dom allows
And if i choose to then she will
Feels strange but it's kind of turning me on..... |
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lol its never long after the subject raises its head that you get people wanting to tell the world what good little subs they are or how they are the most dom master on the planet. For them its not just a "lifestyle" choice they live it 24/7 like its some kind of religion. we all know where those disagreements end so i dont bother and its boring to me. So im happy to agree to disagree. I still stand by my answer to the original poster, which was worded to help them.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As always i agree with cali..you can play dom/sub or you can BE dom/sub
there is a HUGE difference.
Sexually i am sub,i just AM.i cant explain it!
I feel most alive and happy and am at my best when with someone who just IS dom .
The dom/sub roleplay doesnt do it for me,but if people enjoy that thats great !
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