FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Should I message My wifes Lover?
Should I message My wifes Lover?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Right.... after advice from you sensible lot.
My wife is messaging and flirting with her younger lover. Shes 47, I'm 41, he's 30-ish....
They slept together a few times before She confessed to me. It was a shock.... but i was turned on. She showed me vids of them in action....
I thought things were over, we tried open relstionship after that, but nothing much happend.
Yesterday, I had a sneaky suspicion she was messaging somebody.... I checked her phone (i know...bad boy).... she knows I know her PIN...then saw they were messaging each other, wanting to sleep together again. They were sending pics to each other... i got hard instantly.
I want to message him and chat with him.... see if he'd be cool with seeing her again.
Should I message him and give him permission to fuck my wife.... the idea drives me wild.
Guess with certain rules, as long as I know when/where so she's safe.
She can have her cake and eat it then.... and so can I!
Am I asking for trouble?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He doesn't need your permission. Does he? He's done it before and trying to do it again... he's going to fuck her anyway.
If it's even true. Sounds like you're just trying to make it OK.
This isn't how swinging works. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why not just speak to your wife? "
Well yeah, I'll talk to her too, but just wanted to message him. If i talk to her and she says no... thats the end of that.... but if I message him, he might be able to arrange a meet, then he can tell me about it.... so almost giving him permission. I'm sure he'd love to. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"He doesn't need your permission. Does he? He's done it before and trying to do it again... he's going to fuck her anyway.
If it's even true. Sounds like you're just trying to make it OK.
This isn't how swinging works. "
I know.... I get that. Guess i am trying to create a situation where I'm ok with it.... cheating with my permission, without going behind my back? |
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"Right.... after advice from you sensible lot.
My wife is messaging and flirting with her younger lover. Shes 47, I'm 41, he's 30-ish....
They slept together a few times before She confessed to me. It was a shock.... but i was turned on. She showed me vids of them in action....
I thought things were over, we tried open relstionship after that, but nothing much happend.
Yesterday, I had a sneaky suspicion she was messaging somebody.... I checked her phone (i know...bad boy).... she knows I know her PIN...then saw they were messaging each other, wanting to sleep together again. They were sending pics to each other... i got hard instantly.
I want to message him and chat with him.... see if he'd be cool with seeing her again.
Should I message him and give him permission to fuck my wife.... the idea drives me wild.
Guess with certain rules, as long as I know when/where so she's safe.
She can have her cake and eat it then.... and so can I!
Am I asking for trouble?
"
By the sounds of it they are going to be having sex whether you give them 'permission' or not...she's not bothered if you find those messages/videos...if you get turned on by it and can also handle it then let them and maybe join in...if not then maybe walk away?? |
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"Why not just speak to your wife?
Well yeah, I'll talk to her too, but just wanted to message him. If i talk to her and she says no... thats the end of that.... but if I message him, he might be able to arrange a meet, then he can tell me about it.... so almost giving him permission. I'm sure he'd love to. "
Ok. You must do what you want. |
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"Right.... after advice from you sensible lot.
My wife is messaging and flirting with her younger lover. Shes 47, I'm 41, he's 30-ish....
They slept together a few times before She confessed to me. It was a shock.... but i was turned on. She showed me vids of them in action....
I thought things were over, we tried open relstionship after that, but nothing much happend.
Yesterday, I had a sneaky suspicion she was messaging somebody.... I checked her phone (i know...bad boy).... she knows I know her PIN...then saw they were messaging each other, wanting to sleep together again. They were sending pics to each other... i got hard instantly.
I want to message him and chat with him.... see if he'd be cool with seeing her again.
Should I message him and give him permission to fuck my wife.... the idea drives me wild.
Guess with certain rules, as long as I know when/where so she's safe.
She can have her cake and eat it then.... and so can I!
Am I asking for trouble?
"
I'd speak to the wife 1st, say you know, your happy with it but want it to be upfront |
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As someone who has had an open marrige for 25 years I'll tell you this much.
We've never done anything behind each others backs, we don't secretly message other and hide it (not that we need to check each others message) and we don't have sex with anyone without the other being aware of it (and the power of veto over it). We are the most important people to each other and a quick shag behind each others backs isn't worth risking our marrige.
Your whole deal sounds like a divorce waiting to happen to me but different strokes for different folks I guess.
I also don't think "permission" is in either of their minds. They are doing it with or without your say. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it should be a sit down and long chat with your wife first and foremost  "
Yeah.... I know.
Trying to sort my head out between a fantasy with her, or us splitting up.
I dont want us to split up.... so making the fantasy an option and creating a rationale to justify it?
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By *onny BonesMan
over a year ago
a block away from heaven |
Checking her phone? Find that more of a red flag than some of the things you described. I fully understand your desire to know the truth but if you know her pin if she didn’t want you to find out she’d have deleted the messages.
Why speak to him? Your wife may need reassurance from you that you’re open to her taking things further with this guy. He owes you nothing. I doubt you contacting him will get you what you seek. Speak to your wife and allow her the opportunity to be open and honest with you. |
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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago
south east |
"I think it should be a sit down and long chat with your wife first and foremost
Yeah.... I know.
Trying to sort my head out between a fantasy with her, or us splitting up.
I dont want us to split up.... so making the fantasy an option and creating a rationale to justify it?
"
Does she have any idea you're on here and meeting ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"As someone who has had an open marrige for 25 years I'll tell you this much.
We've never done anything behind each others backs, we don't secretly message other and hide it (not that we need to check each others message) and we don't have sex with anyone without the other being aware of it (and the power of veto over it). We are the most important people to each other and a quick shag behind each others backs isn't worth risking our marrige.
Your whole deal sounds like a divorce waiting to happen to me but different strokes for different folks I guess.
I also don't think "permission" is in either of their minds. They are doing it with or without your say. "
True..... thanks for your insight. Think i should talk to her first. That seems to be the general feeling so far.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it should be a sit down and long chat with your wife first and foremost
Yeah.... I know.
Trying to sort my head out between a fantasy with her, or us splitting up.
I dont want us to split up.... so making the fantasy an option and creating a rationale to justify it?
Does she have any idea you're on here and meeting ? "
Yeah, she knew. We both joined, had seperate profiles. After a while she deleted it. Think she was getting swamped with messages. Ppl i've met on here was while we were seperated for a while. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Checking her phone? Find that more of a red flag than some of the things you described. I fully understand your desire to know the truth but if you know her pin if she didn’t want you to find out she’d have deleted the messages.
Why speak to him? Your wife may need reassurance from you that you’re open to her taking things further with this guy. He owes you nothing. I doubt you contacting him will get you what you seek. Speak to your wife and allow her the opportunity to be open and honest with you."
I know. I shouldnt have checked her phone. Knew it would possibly lead to hurt.... like you said.... she could have deleted messages. But she didnt. |
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Cheating with permission is still cheating! There’s a difference between cheating and swinging. I think a serious conversation between you and your wife needs to be had. Maybe asking her why she feels she needs to behave like this behind your back is ok? Would it not be better if you could sit together and be honest? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Your profile says you're single so are you single or married? I'm confused that seems like something you'd be able to get right on your profile "
Fair question, set it up when we were seperated, just not ammended profile. |
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By *la87Man
over a year ago
acton |
"Your profile says you're single so are you single or married? I'm confused that seems like something you'd be able to get right on your profile "
And meet verifications from when he joined a year ago. But maybe that's after their marriage was opened |
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It really sounds to me like the most important person to be talking to in this situation is your wife. You should let her know how you feel about all this. If she doesn't want it to happen again and you go behind her back to encourage it, that's quite manipulative. It may be more likely to happen and her he up-front about it if she knows you consent to it.
Hopefully your relationship with her is the most important thing to you here, and more important than your fantasy. Consent and honesty are very important. You should look to enhance your relationship, and scheming behind her back doesn't sound like the best approach for achieving that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't contact him, speak with your wife.
She is the one that has wronged you, if you are going to find a solution that fits all here, it'll be between you and your wife.
It may put him off if you contact him, that may suit you but bring a different issue home.
Talk, talk and talk some more.
Be careful what you wish for. |
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By *lynJMan
over a year ago
Morden |
"Why not just speak to your wife?
Well yeah, I'll talk to her too, but just wanted to message him. If i talk to her and she says no... thats the end of that.... but if I message him, he might be able to arrange a meet, then he can tell me about it.... so almost giving him permission. I'm sure he'd love to. "
You might scare him off. Perhaps some of the thrill for him (and your wife) is doing it behind your back. |
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"Right.... after advice from you sensible lot.
My wife is messaging and flirting with her younger lover. Shes 47, I'm 41, he's 30-ish....
They slept together a few times before She confessed to me. It was a shock.... but i was turned on. She showed me vids of them in action....
I thought things were over, we tried open relstionship after that, but nothing much happend.
Yesterday, I had a sneaky suspicion she was messaging somebody.... I checked her phone (i know...bad boy).... she knows I know her PIN...then saw they were messaging each other, wanting to sleep together again. They were sending pics to each other... i got hard instantly.
I want to message him and chat with him.... see if he'd be cool with seeing her again.
Should I message him and give him permission to fuck my wife.... the idea drives me wild.
Guess with certain rules, as long as I know when/where so she's safe.
She can have her cake and eat it then.... and so can I!
Am I asking for trouble?
"
Take pics of all the messages for use in the divorce.
Then release her back to the streets |
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Obviously she hasn't a care or any respect for you now.
You've lost her. There's no going back, your relationship is over, your just a roommate who pys the bills now.
I suspect she knows about your philandering, cried her eyes out to her friends, who then advised her on her current activities.
Your ONLY chance, is to move away, smash his face in or suck it up that you fucked all up.
And don't even think of a threesum, as they happy without you, him bragging to his mates he's shagging this fit married bitch. |
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"Your profile says you're single so are you single or married? I'm confused that seems like something you'd be able to get right on your profile
Fair question, set it up when we were seperated, just not ammended profile. "
Do you plan to update it ? It still says "I can assure you I'm single" |
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"Right.... after advice from you sensible lot.
My wife is messaging and flirting with her younger lover. Shes 47, I'm 41, he's 30-ish....
They slept together a few times before She confessed to me. It was a shock.... but i was turned on. She showed me vids of them in action....
I thought things were over, we tried open relstionship after that, but nothing much happend.
Yesterday, I had a sneaky suspicion she was messaging somebody.... I checked her phone (i know...bad boy).... she knows I know her PIN...then saw they were messaging each other, wanting to sleep together again. They were sending pics to each other... i got hard instantly.
I want to message him and chat with him.... see if he'd be cool with seeing her again.
Should I message him and give him permission to fuck my wife.... the idea drives me wild.
Guess with certain rules, as long as I know when/where so she's safe.
She can have her cake and eat it then.... and so can I!
Am I asking for trouble?
"
i wish my wife would find a lover |
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