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By *ut_what_if OP Woman
over a year ago
Tunbridge Wells |
In the interests of keeping it real, and for those of you in the scene as a couple, I want to ask about jealousy!
My partner and I have dipped in and out of this lifestyle over the past 10 years. And it's always struck me how weird it is that I can find something so mindblowingly horny in the moment (watching him with other women) whilst knowing that there will also be the odd day when a bit of the old green eyed monster creeps in and I'm suddenly feeling slightly less sure! Feeling slightly insecure and wondering what on earth I've let myself in for. Then the next minute, the memories and anticipation are just making me wet again. It's a weird old thing.
Does anyone else experience this mixed bag of reactions?! It can't just be me?!
My other half however doesn't seem to experience this at all and just seems to want to share me with everyone lol!  |
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Yes I've had this too, we've had some great meets but there is times I just want him to myself, fab can become overwhelming for me.
I enjoy seeing him with another woman and love the meets and build up, but then there's the us time where I don't want to be speaking to or meeting others.
I'm not sure if any of that makes sense.
Mrs |
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By *ut_what_if OP Woman
over a year ago
Tunbridge Wells |
"I did with my ex as she loved seeing me with others, I always felt pangs of jealousy the day after she had been playing."
Thanks for responding, after I posted it I actually thought I wonder what the guys are feeling too! Rollercoaster. |
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By *ut_what_if OP Woman
over a year ago
Tunbridge Wells |
"Yes I've had this too, we've had some great meets but there is times I just want him to myself, fab can become overwhelming for me.
I enjoy seeing him with another woman and love the meets and build up, but then there's the us time where I don't want to be speaking to or meeting others.
I'm not sure if any of that makes sense.
Mrs "
Hiya. TOTALLY relate on all levels there! It can be hard to engineer time for both can't it, and tricky to both be ready to switch on and off at the same time too! I don't think I'd want to do it if we didn't also have the 'us' time, as it'd feel like replacing rather than supplementing! |
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I love threesomes with couples. I love sex with one woman and more than one man.
When I'm in a relationship I don't feel able to see the woman I love with other men. Did it once and it was amazing but didn't want to repeat it
Maybe that's hypocritical of me |
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"Yes I've had this too, we've had some great meets but there is times I just want him to myself, fab can become overwhelming for me.
I enjoy seeing him with another woman and love the meets and build up, but then there's the us time where I don't want to be speaking to or meeting others.
I'm not sure if any of that makes sense.
Mrs
Hiya. TOTALLY relate on all levels there! It can be hard to engineer time for both can't it, and tricky to both be ready to switch on and off at the same time too! I don't think I'd want to do it if we didn't also have the 'us' time, as it'd feel like replacing rather than supplementing!"
Yes totally agree it's got to be the right balance of us and the lifestyle, if I feel the us is being neglected then I guess that's where the jealousy can creep in I guess it's the fear of loosing us while having fun, it rarely happens, we usually just hide the profile if either one of us is a little fed up.
Mrs |
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By *ut_what_if OP Woman
over a year ago
Tunbridge Wells |
"Yes I've had this too, we've had some great meets but there is times I just want him to myself, fab can become overwhelming for me.
I enjoy seeing him with another woman and love the meets and build up, but then there's the us time where I don't want to be speaking to or meeting others.
I'm not sure if any of that makes sense.
Mrs
Hiya. TOTALLY relate on all levels there! It can be hard to engineer time for both can't it, and tricky to both be ready to switch on and off at the same time too! I don't think I'd want to do it if we didn't also have the 'us' time, as it'd feel like replacing rather than supplementing!
Yes totally agree it's got to be the right balance of us and the lifestyle, if I feel the us is being neglected then I guess that's where the jealousy can creep in I guess it's the fear of loosing us while having fun, it rarely happens, we usually just hide the profile if either one of us is a little fed up.
Mrs "
Yeah that's what we used to do too. Like you said sometimes it can get quite intense too just making connections. Especially single women. Nice problem to have though! |
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By *ut_what_if OP Woman
over a year ago
Tunbridge Wells |
"I love threesomes with couples. I love sex with one woman and more than one man.
When I'm in a relationship I don't feel able to see the woman I love with other men. Did it once and it was amazing but didn't want to repeat it
Maybe that's hypocritical of me "
Nah I don't think that's hypocritical - just really human! I'm glad I posted the thread as it already seems like this is just really normal! Whatever that is ha ha! |
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By *ut_what_if OP Woman
over a year ago
Tunbridge Wells |
"I love threesomes and group sex as long as I am unattached.
I am too jealous and territorial to share someone who is special to me.  been trying to change it, but not been successful so far! "
It's a battle sometimes for sure! Poor bloke, he's really sweet about it, but sometimes I think he doesn't know if he's coming or going, if you'll pardon the pun lol!!!  |
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"Yes I've had this too, we've had some great meets but there is times I just want him to myself, fab can become overwhelming for me.
I enjoy seeing him with another woman and love the meets and build up, but then there's the us time where I don't want to be speaking to or meeting others.
I'm not sure if any of that makes sense.
Mrs "
Makes total sense. With an ex we had fab time and just us time where like you say, not on here looking or chatting, checking messages. we need to remember thst us as a couple came first. That can sometimes be overlooked if always on here trying to make new connections/friends/arrange stuff...
And like you said, I wanted him just to myself sometimes. I also wanted him to want me just to himself sometimes to. |
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I get this when leonie has meets, even when sat next to bed beside her. I suppose its part of the feelings that are a turn on but also jealous that she is having fun and not with me. Hard to explain really but like op it's something that keeps coming back and want to do again. |
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"Yes I've had this too, we've had some great meets but there is times I just want him to myself, fab can become overwhelming for me.
I enjoy seeing him with another woman and love the meets and build up, but then there's the us time where I don't want to be speaking to or meeting others.
I'm not sure if any of that makes sense.
Mrs
Makes total sense. With an ex we had fab time and just us time where like you say, not on here looking or chatting, checking messages. we need to remember thst us as a couple came first. That can sometimes be overlooked if always on here trying to make new connections/friends/arrange stuff...
And like you said, I wanted him just to myself sometimes. I also wanted him to want me just to himself sometimes to. "
Yes I totally get that the wanting him want you, it can feel your a bit overlooked sometimes, I'm quite lucky that the Mr is very affectionate, but still when there's others involved the attention is elsewhere. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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no never ... we both went into this with our eyes wide open it was something we both equally wanted but never at the expense of our marrige but never has the green mist ever showed its self ...swinging is and always have been second to us ... we are so open with each other we talk all the time we dont sit in front the telly and rot our life away ...
we have ground rules and we stick to them if one says no then thats it no questions asked can honestly say never has jealousy pop up on our side now from others yes and more often than people think ... its a reason we wont meet couples via fab due tothe amount of couples who really should spend time sorting there relationships out rather than swinging..
you be suprise that only after a few meets how clingy and jealous some men can become never had it with other women as they just dont want drama at all just stress free fun...
and awaits the you cant love him/her if no jealousy utter bullshit |
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It very normal and often random. Even when your on top of things sometimes there that one visual or situation or person that set things off. We are both prone to it sometimes. The key is to be able to talk about everything openly, being able to express each others own feelings, fears and needs safely. We find as long as we can talk things out, understand and respect where each other is coming from we find a way. Which means we get to enjoy exploring this scene together and as individuals. And I believe sometimes the right twang of jealously can also add an hot dimensions to this lifestyle.
It's ok to be human, your feelings are your feelings It's ok to have some different needs. The knack as a couple is to be able to articulate as individuals, process and find a way together. As time goes one you find it gets easier and the adventures you both have get better. |
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By *ut_what_if OP Woman
over a year ago
Tunbridge Wells |
"no never ... we both went into this with our eyes wide open it was something we both equally wanted but never at the expense of our marrige but never has the green mist ever showed its self ...swinging is and always have been second to us ... we are so open with each other we talk all the time we dont sit in front the telly and rot our life away ...
we have ground rules and we stick to them if one says no then thats it no questions asked can honestly say never has jealousy pop up on our side now from others yes and more often than people think ... its a reason we wont meet couples via fab due tothe amount of couples who really should spend time sorting there relationships out rather than swinging..
you be suprise that only after a few meets how clingy and jealous some men can become never had it with other women as they just dont want drama at all just stress free fun...
and awaits the you cant love him/her if no jealousy utter bullshit "
What a lovely honest and balanced message!
Totally get you on the bit about the right streak of jealousy can add a hot dimension too though...isn't it funny what motivates us sometimes?! We are but animals at the end of the day though hey?! 
I like to think of it as a challenge sometimes, pushing the boundaries beyond what society tells us is a 'normal' expression of love and surprising ourselves with what works!
Never in a million years would either of us have expected this element to our relationship at the beginning. But 15 years on, and the suprises are still often the best bits!!
Happy swinging |
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By *ut_what_if OP Woman
over a year ago
Tunbridge Wells |
"I’ve only ever been hit with jealousy once…. Never again. Hated every second of how it made me feel and act. "
Don't get me wrong, in a different relationship I might not want or cope with this lifestyle at all! It's a lot about the context too I guess. Never say never |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve only ever been hit with jealousy once…. Never again. Hated every second of how it made me feel and act.
Don't get me wrong, in a different relationship I might not want or cope with this lifestyle at all! It's a lot about the context too I guess. Never say never "
I get what you are saying… in the end it was her jealousy that ended it( or so she said) but for me personally I have to shut emotions off or I’ll end up not being able to enjoy it |
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"I love threesomes and group sex as long as I am unattached.
I am too jealous and territorial to share someone who is special to me. been trying to change it, but not been successful so far! "
would a bi guy help |
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For us:
Swinging is something that we do together, this is why jealousy just doesn't come into it. Even whilst we are enjoying the attentions of others, we can still give each other a kiss or hold hands for a few seconds.
Cal |
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"I’ve only ever been hit with jealousy once…. Never again. Hated every second of how it made me feel and act.
Don't get me wrong, in a different relationship I might not want or cope with this lifestyle at all! It's a lot about the context too I guess. Never say never
I get what you are saying… in the end it was her jealousy that ended it( or so she said) but for me personally I have to shut emotions off or I’ll end up not being able to enjoy it"
Were you only meeting together or seperatly also? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve only ever been hit with jealousy once…. Never again. Hated every second of how it made me feel and act.
Don't get me wrong, in a different relationship I might not want or cope with this lifestyle at all! It's a lot about the context too I guess. Never say never
Just her and I.
I get what you are saying… in the end it was her jealousy that ended it( or so she said) but for me personally I have to shut emotions off or I’ll end up not being able to enjoy it
Were you only meeting together or seperatly also?"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jane (of mfcouple) writing...
I haven't yet read all the other comments on this yet Because I simply had to pass on what a refreshing relief it was when I read your post.
Even more reassuring that it seems I'm not the only one that feels like this.
I have absolutely been confused by my own reactions in situations where other people have joined us.
It's weird isn't it when half of yr head is encouraging Yr man to do things with the other female but as soon as you see it happening, u sort of want to look away.
I wonder if its something to do with the 'Idea' being a turn on, rather than the real thing?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Jane (of mfcouple) writing...
I haven't yet read all the other comments on this yet Because I simply had to pass on what a refreshing relief it was when I read your post.
Even more reassuring that it seems I'm not the only one that feels like this.
I have absolutely been confused by my own reactions in situations where other people have joined us.
It's weird isn't it when half of yr head is encouraging Yr man to do things with the other female but as soon as you see it happening, u sort of want to look away.
I wonder if its something to do with the 'Idea' being a turn on, rather than the real thing?
"
It’s amazing what seems like a good idea in the moment, but when stark reality hits it’s a totally different thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah exactly. It's not even like the thrill of watching is a 'trying to please' thing or having been subtly coerced, so can't really be annoyed with him later..
Luckily me & Zac decided early on into this swinging scene to be honest & talk to eachother so we know what we're comfortable & not comf with. It's helped avoid any bad feelings between us and can enjoy with mutual respect |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife and I attend swungers clubs. But for us it's just one way. I watch her with other men and have absolutely no jealousy at all. But she won't let me go with someone else due to her jealousy. But that's fine by me as I just love to see my wife enjoying herself. It works for us. |
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By *omRachCouple
over a year ago
Wirral |
I love watching my wife with another man, when doing so I can be as hard as nails and engrossed but that doesn't stop me suddenly feeling the odd pang of jealousy and humiliation - usually get this when she cums - but I have to say that they disappear as quickly as they arrive and there are never any negative thoughts hanging around afterwards.
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It's great to read and hear about other people's experience with swinging. We had our own journey, and some deep inward honesty on my part.
For my partner, it felt like jealousy, and for me, I had to really look at myself if we wanted to share swinging pleasures.
I hope my thoughts help someone else. It didn't feel like I didn't trust her feelings, and I always wanted her to be happy, so what was it that was unsettling me.
Eureka !!! I just wanted to be more a part of the fun. Suffering from a third wheel syndrome.
Never looked back, and oh the pleasure I have explored.
Win, win  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest I think we all experience a tad green eye at some point in this marvellous sexy journey we are all on , jealousy doesn’t have to be a bad thing , I always say communication is key , keep it real and stay safe xoxo Lilly |
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I love sex with one woman and two or more men and really wanted to do this with several gf and my ex wife, but I know I get jealous.
I did have an mmmf with one ex gf and it was amazing. I felt totally secure in the relationship and with the two other guys.
For years now I've only done this with couples I meet. Some it's a one off and others it becomes more regular. I have that clear boundary that their loving relationship is separated from the sexual experiences I'm part of.
Maybe one day I'll meet another woman who makes me feel totally secure and I'll be happy for her to fuck other men / women |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In the interests of keeping it real, and for those of you in the scene as a couple, I want to ask about jealousy!
My partner and I have dipped in and out of this lifestyle over the past 10 years. And it's always struck me how weird it is that I can find something so mindblowingly horny in the moment (watching him with other women) whilst knowing that there will also be the odd day when a bit of the old green eyed monster creeps in and I'm suddenly feeling slightly less sure! Feeling slightly insecure and wondering what on earth I've let myself in for. Then the next minute, the memories and anticipation are just making me wet again. It's a weird old thing.
Does anyone else experience this mixed bag of reactions?! It can't just be me?!
My other half however doesn't seem to experience this at all and just seems to want to share me with everyone lol! "
Doesn't belong in the scene tbh. If you're jealous you need to have a conversation and find out if this life is truly what you want |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be honest I think we all experience a tad green eye at some point in this marvellous sexy journey we are all on , jealousy doesn’t have to be a bad thing , I always say communication is key , keep it real and stay safe xoxo Lilly "
nope none at all like said we went into this on equal footing and knew what we wanted never rushed it but never shyed away some relationships just never get any jealousy and after 28yrs can honestly say no there never has been we know other couples who are the same ...
just our view and we all have different views we dont belive theres anyroom for it in this scene we have seen it with others and its ugly ...we dont argue either (unless it the last slice of cake) guess we are totally chilled in each others company we both came from horrendous relationships and when we met we both said to each other on the secound date we would never go thru that again and we stuck to our words we do what we want buy what we want say what we want ...living is for living sleeping is for when your dead live and have fun ....
there was a post like this back along where some clown said you dont love your partner if you dont get jealous what a utter stupid thing to say or think lol |
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