FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > How much do your Vanilla friends/family know about your lifestyle?
How much do your Vanilla friends/family know about your lifestyle?
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We have been pretty open with our friends about what we are into, mainly so that SnOwy’s friends don’t dive in and cockblock her on a night out because they think she’s about to “cheat” on me with another guy.
Our eldest son is 12 but has the mental maturity of a 20 year old, he knows the billy basics of our dynamic because he doesn’t miss anything and we are pretty open and honest with him about stuff. He summed it up pretty well with “Ah, Dad’s a ‘sideliner’ then, gotcha”
Our parents don’t know anything, Snowy’s sister knows what we do.
Does anyone else have friends that aren’t in the scene but “in the know”?
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That’s ace! When we told SnOwy’s best friend she went from being fairly innocent to “oh my god!” And then proceeds to tell us, in detail, about her and her husband’s swinging fantasies! It was quite surreal. |
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"Why oh why does your son need to know so much about your sex life?"
Because he’s scary intelligent. He picks up on things immediately. Also he had a habit of picking up SnOwy’s phone and googling stuff he’s trying to explain, we had to stop him from doing it so he didn’t see all the dirty texts in SnOwy’s WhatsApp from other guys. Lying to him wouldn’t work, he’d see straight through it. So we explained in the simplest most basic terms why he wasn’t allowed to just look at our phones at will any more. |
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"Why oh why does your son need to know so much about your sex life?
Because he’s scary intelligent. He picks up on things immediately. Also he had a habit of picking up SnOwy’s phone and googling stuff he’s trying to explain, we had to stop him from doing it so he didn’t see all the dirty texts in SnOwy’s WhatsApp from other guys. Lying to him wouldn’t work, he’d see straight through it. So we explained in the simplest most basic terms why he wasn’t allowed to just look at our phones at will any more."
Don't you have a lock code for the phone? |
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"Don't you have a lock code for the phone?"
Yes, but if he see’s you put it in once, he knows it and remembers it. We have to change it every few days. This is a kid that gets mistaken for an 18yr old. He taught himself animation over the course of a week and then started churning out mini cartoons and stop motion films for his friends. He’s SCARY smart. |
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"Don't you have a lock code for the phone?
Yes, but if he see’s you put it in once, he knows it and remembers it. We have to change it every few days. This is a kid that gets mistaken for an 18yr old. He taught himself animation over the course of a week and then started churning out mini cartoons and stop motion films for his friends. He’s SCARY smart."
He still doesn't need to have access to the details of your sex life |
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"He still doesn't need to have access to the details of your sex life "
We never said we told him details. It was the most basic, broad, ungraphic explanation we could come up with. It basically went like this:
“You know that episode of Rick and Morty when Jerry’s parents come over fro Christmas dinner and they bring their young “friend” with them?”
“Yeah”
“That”
“Ah! So Dad’s a ‘sideliner’ then?”
A few minutes go past for us to stop laughing at that description
“Yeah basically”
“Gotcha”
End of discussion, it hasn’t been mentioned since. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't you have a lock code for the phone?
Yes, but if he see’s you put it in once, he knows it and remembers it. We have to change it every few days. This is a kid that gets mistaken for an 18yr old. He taught himself animation over the course of a week and then started churning out mini cartoons and stop motion films for his friends. He’s SCARY smart."
You are scary parents. Get a grip ! |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Don't you have a lock code for the phone?
Yes, but if he see’s you put it in once, he knows it and remembers it. We have to change it every few days. This is a kid that gets mistaken for an 18yr old. He taught himself animation over the course of a week and then started churning out mini cartoons and stop motion films for his friends. He’s SCARY smart."
Is he that smart or are just a bit crap/dumb if your 12 year old is getting into your sexts it’s a failure of parenting tbh, possibly even child abuse. You need to do much much better |
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"My friends know some of my close female family members and my 3 oldest kids 21 21 and 25 my 12 year old doesn’t know a thing and I’m not planing on telling her "
That’s fair enough. As I’ve said, we haven’t told him details. At the very worst, he knows we aren’t in a conventional monogamous relationship and thats it. It’s not been discussed by either of us since. |
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"Don't you have a lock code for the phone?
Yes, but if he see’s you put it in once, he knows it and remembers it. We have to change it every few days. This is a kid that gets mistaken for an 18yr old. He taught himself animation over the course of a week and then started churning out mini cartoons and stop motion films for his friends. He’s SCARY smart.
Is he that smart or are just a bit crap/dumb if your 12 year old is getting into your sexts it’s a failure of parenting tbh, possibly even child abuse. You need to do much much better "
Wow. So we are being accused of child abuse now is it? |
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"We have been pretty open with our friends about what we are into, mainly so that SnOwy’s friends don’t dive in and cockblock her on a night out because they think she’s about to “cheat” on me with another guy.
Our eldest son is 12 but has the mental maturity of a 20 year old, he knows the billy basics of our dynamic because he doesn’t miss anything and we are pretty open and honest with him about stuff. He summed it up pretty well with “Ah, Dad’s a ‘sideliner’ then, gotcha”
Our parents don’t know anything, Snowy’s sister knows what we do.
Does anyone else have friends that aren’t in the scene but “in the know”?
"
We have a few friends who know - but they are all folk who are ENM or pan. Personally I think it's very brave of you to be open with your child. There is nothing wrong with ENM and letting your child know you are in a "non-traditional" relationship is not involving them in your sex life in an inappropriate way, to my mind.
Mrs TMN x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why oh why does your son need to know so much about your sex life?
Because he’s scary intelligent. He picks up on things immediately. Also he had a habit of picking up SnOwy’s phone and googling stuff he’s trying to explain, we had to stop him from doing it so he didn’t see all the dirty texts in SnOwy’s WhatsApp from other guys. Lying to him wouldn’t work, he’d see straight through it. So we explained in the simplest most basic terms why he wasn’t allowed to just look at our phones at will any more."
Even kids who arent super smart usually know when they are being lied to. I applaud your approach. It lets your kid know that there is nothing wrong with talking about sex and relationships, which may make it easier for him to approach you when he is having his own issues and needs to talk.
Non-monogamous relationships are becoming more common-place anyway, so Im gonna guess that it wont be super long before its talked about in the mainstream. It sounds like you handled it in a way that was sensitive to his age and understanding level, which is the most important thing.
I think youre great parents.  |
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"Why oh why does your son need to know so much about your sex life?
Because he’s scary intelligent. He picks up on things immediately. Also he had a habit of picking up SnOwy’s phone and googling stuff he’s trying to explain, we had to stop him from doing it so he didn’t see all the dirty texts in SnOwy’s WhatsApp from other guys. Lying to him wouldn’t work, he’d see straight through it. So we explained in the simplest most basic terms why he wasn’t allowed to just look at our phones at will any more.
Even kids who arent super smart usually know when they are being lied to. I applaud your approach. It lets your kid know that there is nothing wrong with talking about sex and relationships, which may make it easier for him to approach you when he is having his own issues and needs to talk.
Non-monogamous relationships are becoming more common-place anyway, so Im gonna guess that it wont be super long before its talked about in the mainstream. It sounds like you handled it in a way that was sensitive to his age and understanding level, which is the most important thing.
I think youre great parents. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Does anyone else have friends that aren’t in the scene but “in the know”?
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Most people know an outline even if not the whole picture.
My family know I am poly and that I enjoy casual sex as well as relationships and whilst they arent aware that I am on a swinging site, visit clubs or about my kinks, Im pretty sure they wouldnt be surprised! Family members even come to me for STI advise which I think os wonderful
Im open with friends (and most aquaintences below a certain age) about my sex life. Its not unusual for friends to ask me about hook ups or my kinks in front of other people because they know I am happy to discuss it openly. Most people are interested. Rarely is anyone shocked.
But I am a young progressive so maybe it doesnt count  |
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"Even kids who arent super smart usually know when they are being lied to. I applaud your approach. It lets your kid know that there is nothing wrong with talking about sex and relationships, which may make it easier for him to approach you when he is having his own issues and needs to talk.
Non-monogamous relationships are becoming more common-place anyway, so Im gonna guess that it wont be super long before its talked about in the mainstream. It sounds like you handled it in a way that was sensitive to his age and understanding level, which is the most important thing.
I think youre great parents. "
Thank you! Our thought process is basically “if we don’t lie to our kids about life, they wont lie to us when they experience it” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very few know about my lifestyle thankfully, a couple of friends on a similar level and my sub but other than that it’s kept on a need to know basis, apparently a guy with four foot dreads who likes binding people up is intimidating  |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
Ok if we are talking friends here we go
Ex swing friends - people used to swing don’t anymore but I am good friends with - yes they obviously know I swing. Easy conversations
Ex-uni friends - most know a few don’t and it may come up once in a while in a random conversation but more often than not nothing
Football friends - 4 or 5’people know. Which works for me/. Rather the whole words didn’t
Everybody else that fills outside or that doenst know.
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We don't tell everyone unless it comes up, but we don't hide it at all. She tells a lot of her friends and my sister knows as she has watched kids and house before while we went away for a weekend of fun.
We have been to my works night out before where she suddenly started to tell some of my colleagues that we were swingers. I tend to keep it quiet from work mates but if she is out drinking she can't help but share.
I've moved from that job now but it's probably only a matter of time before she let's my new colleagues know. |
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A friend at work, because we ended up becoming FWBs and swinging / visiting clubs together.
Otherwise, whilst a few people have had and understanding that I may be open to swinging, nobody actually knows. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My daughter (23) knows I'm on here. But she's frankly a nosey moo.. And no she doesn't ask for details. We're very close, but she's also a grown adult with kiddos of her own and is obviously fully aware I didn't date as a single parent in her younger years... Not judging! But 12 is v very young! Nothing wrong with discussing sex with young people, but frankly who wants to really know that much about their folks?
Plus sex is such an exploration thing in early years anyways.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why oh why does your son need to know so much about your sex life?
Because he’s scary intelligent. He picks up on things immediately. Also he had a habit of picking up SnOwy’s phone and googling stuff he’s trying to explain, we had to stop him from doing it so he didn’t see all the dirty texts in SnOwy’s WhatsApp from other guys. Lying to him wouldn’t work, he’d see straight through it. So we explained in the simplest most basic terms why he wasn’t allowed to just look at our phones at will any more."
To be fair he's 12.. So surely the convo you have when he's 'very adult for a child'. Is you don't use our phones without permission, because that's not acceptable behaviour in the world we live?  |
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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago
leeds |
A couple of years ago we told a vanilla friend, a very lovely lady, about our lifestyle and within an hour we were all naked in bed together with me and her enjoying some beautiful girl on girl play. |
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I have told a few people and want to tell more. I told a friend who was going through a divorce and felt tremendously jilted. (She had redone her social media accounts, from Laura Ashley to tight jeans.) I didn't ask her to play with me and would not have, but she was talking openly about her sex life, validation, excitement about sexuality after a drought, and age. She took it very naturally! |
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a couple of our close vanilla friends know- dont ask details but the girls always want to know if daisy has had many hung / black / good sex etc.
One of our nieces knows- she is in her 40 and was often out with Daisy when they would both pull and play lads after a night out.
A couple of Daisy work colleagues know and we have had 3somes with them since and taken one to a swing club and thoroughly corrupted her.
Other than that we like to keep it private. |
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