FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > When is enough a enough
When is enough a enough
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hello all
After reading quite a few threads/posts on the subject of not getting meets etc,its got me thinking somewhat,yes i know very dangerous past time!
Now some people have been on here quite awhile even years( over 3yrs myself in 2 spells) and some have barely or never got a social or a meet,and before anyone pipes up yes we know you get back what you put in, but it seems no matter what or how much effort some people put in (and this place can become an all consuming obssesion for people)like reading the profiles properly politely messages ref the bio/profile,non pushy etc etc they get little or zero response or reward which sort of contradicts the above theory of what you put, oh and sorry for the long winded rambling i'll get to the point.
Now my question is this and it's a genuine question, at what point do your conceed things are not happening and never will so best call it a day in the name of your sanity and health?
Judge x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I havent been on here,long got talking to a couple of Ladies then was ghosted,ill give it another month and knock it on the head.Unless your a young stunning specimen i feel its a waste of time.i think the Ladies have to much to choose from i just want someone local . |
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I think most forget we’ve had a pandemic in-between preventing meets.
Plus those that may have tried and normally failed in clubs/bars etc came here on mass and expected sex instantly.
That in turn has meant even higher %of men vs women on here and from what I’ve heard from women some idiots/horrible messages that would have put some women off this site fully/temporary.
So back to question it depends on what impacts you.
I have had some great chats, socials but no meets but equally okay with that. |
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I find people misread totally when they receive the advice of “you get out what you put in” as they instantly assume it boils down to solely reading profiles and sending well crafted messages.
How many of these individuals are actually stepping away from their phone or laptop screen, actually getting out there to clubs and organised socials to meet people live in the flesh? As this is also an element of “putting the effort in”.
If you’re feeling frustrated and deflated due to lack message replies, meets etc and you find it’s consuming you then it’s I’d say it’s time to call a day. Personally I don’t feel swinging is that deep that it should be affecting your mental health
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
So, there are two things here:
1. Your looks are not as important as your profile, guys. Make your profile interesting - be interesting. Ask yourself if you would want to meet yourself if you were a woman. A one liner profile rarely works.
2. If not getting the (instant) gratification that you may have been led to believe you would get... and it gets you down, then this is not the right site for you.
Incidentally I am saying this in general, not directed at anybody including those who have posted on here. I am sure this question is relevant to many guys (and perhaps some girls).
xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Personally when i returned after my first spell i really didnt expect anything,spend most of my time reading the forums but it seems a lot of people,well guys are getting frustrated with things and i dont mean those idiots who think sending a few photos of their dick or messages like "going to smash your back doors in" to women is going to endear themselves to them.
Like some have said once it starts to effect you mentally best give it a rest.
Judge x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d say if something negatively affects your sanity and health then a break is probably the healthiest thing said person can do.
If anyone is in that position, reevaluate and think have I done everything I can…
Remember though swinging isn’t just on here.
Clubs and socials are where you will meet someone. Whether anything happens after a hello there nobody knows, but you can only try and see with no expectations…
Yes some people have never been to a club or social and got meets and that is just simply how life is. If you are struggling to get anywhere via messaging on here and you’ve not been to an organised social or club, then I’d consider going to one.
Also consider changing your approach if it doesn’t work on here. (this is not aimed at you OP) But to anyone reading this struggling to “meet”
Think are my pictures working? Is it my bio or lack of? Is it the way I message?
Lots of things to consider before you call it a day…
All the best whatever you do  |
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"I havent been on here,long got talking to a couple of Ladies then was ghosted,ill give it another month and knock it on the head.Unless your a young stunning specimen i feel its a waste of time.i think the Ladies have to much to choose from i just want someone local ."
Lol you will give it another month. Jeez I think your not for fab |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel for you OP. Maybe my story will help you every time I've found a girl Friday ( someone to play with regularly) or had a adventurous encounter they have always come about by someone approaching me over a piece of creative writing of mine .
What I'm trying to say op is you need to try and find away to stand out from the crowd .going to socials is a another way .
The other thing you must do is not allow your search and the feeling it can bring up bleed through to your normal life. Try to compartmentalise and separate your search away from the rest of your life ,
go on to site write a few creative messages to profiles you like push send and forget about it .Move on to doing something away from sites like this ,only come back if a reply pops up leave it a few days and rince and repeat, that way your search is never more than a past time to you .
Good luck OP I have no idea if my words can help you but I hope they give you something to think over. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
When I was young I tried learning the guitar once. No matter how much I practiced I never grasped chord changes and my fingers just didn't seem to function as required. So I tried the drums and was much better at those and enjoyed it.
I tried playing golf. Despite playing a couple of sports to a very high level I was shit at that too. So despite investing in lessons and buying equipment, spending hours down the range and on courses, paying for membership and trying my best....eventually I called it quits.
I've been married more than once. When things weren't working out as we'd hoped and we recognised that it was time to call it a day....we split.
The point I'm trying to make is that you won't be successful in everything you try. Some you will, you'll enjoy and you'll continue. In others you'll not be as successful and rather than enjoying the time spent in those pursuits they become frustrating, sometimes costly in terms of the time you invest and the money you spend, and no matter what you do things don't go as planned. And the more you try the worse the frustration gets.
They key to anything in life is to recognise when the effort put in isn't reaping the desired reward. If you've tried to change your approach and the results stay the same then at some point it may be better to call it quits than to continue in a fruitless task that is doing nothing for you but cause grief, frustration, resentment and is affecting your physical or mental health negatively.
Knowing when to move on is a valuable skill.
A |
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"So, there are two things here:
1. Your looks are not as important as your profile, guys. Make your profile interesting - be interesting. Ask yourself if you would want to meet yourself if you were a woman. A one liner profile rarely works.
2. If not getting the (instant) gratification that you may have been led to believe you would get... and it gets you down, then this is not the right site for you.
Incidentally I am saying this in general, not directed at anybody including those who have posted on here. I am sure this question is relevant to many guys (and perhaps some girls).
xx"
This! Your profile doesn't have to be all dick pics and abs. We would rather meet a confident and experienced guy than some hot to trot stud with no veris. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don’t generally agree with the notion ‘you get out what you put in’ as that’s not necessarily how life always works. On an individual basis I would say that once you feel that the balance between the effort put in and enjoyment out of it doesn’t match, then it’s time to take a break x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Prepare for a lack of responses and lower expectations. Until the ratio is corrected on here (unlikely to happen), lads will either have to stomach it or bail out. My wife is having success on here, I’m not, that is the nature of the beast |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Some very good responses and discussion on this thank you.
Personally for me i barely bother looking for someone now as there is just to much competition on here that i just cannot compete with,so i mainly read the forums now.
Reading those i found that a fair few guys seem to be struggling to come to terms with this place hence the question
Judge x |
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"Some very good responses and discussion on this thank you.
Personally for me i barely bother looking for someone now as there is just to much competition on here that i just cannot compete with,so i mainly read the forums now.
Reading those i found that a fair few guys seem to be struggling to come to terms with this place hence the question
Judge x "
This perception of competition is false and sets you up to fail.
There is no competition, there's just you being the best version of you that you can be.
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By *ed wineMan
over a year ago
Where the streets have no name |
This site is not much different from "real" life. Yes, sex is openly seeked but rules of flirting and attraction are still present. If you outstand over other males, you will succeed. Simple.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I havent been on here,long got talking to a couple of Ladies then was ghosted,ill give it another month and knock it on the head.Unless your a young stunning specimen i feel its a waste of time.i think the Ladies have to much to choose from i just want someone local .
Lol you will give it another month. Jeez I think your not for fab "
your probably right |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All im saying is ive asked Ladies to just meet me For a coffee while there shopping and im in the town.just to say hello then at least i can be verified .The last comment is probably right fab probably isnt for me bit ill give it a try for now .You have to try dont ya  |
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"All im saying is ive asked Ladies to just meet me For a coffee while there shopping and im in the town.just to say hello then at least i can be verified .The last comment is probably right fab probably isnt for me bit ill give it a try for now .You have to try dont ya "
Perhaps a woman would be more inclined to meet you for a coffee if you actually wanted to meet that specific woman, rather than just any woman who's willing to give you what you want ( a verification) |
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It's hard to say, as I'm not in their shoes and I would have made drastic changes to my approach, if nothing happened. I'd certainly not expect realistic results, without using clubs a lot, if a website didn't return a chat, for example.
We won't typically know the fuller details of each person's story and whether they have a distorted picture of how much they really varied their approach, nor their real levels of invested efforts.
Some people appeal more to a bigger audience than others and some less. The latter will likely know this. Some people also have extremely unrealistic expectations and fail to adjust them, despite the evidence in their face 
I'd not generally encourage people to expect to find all of their sexual partners from 1 source. Real life offers lots of opportunities, for those who engage and are motivated.
If I'd been here for several years, made no friends and had no meets, I'd probably give it up as inappropriate for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmmm
If you walked into a pub or other social gathering and there were 50 guys in there and 5 women who were all already talking to people are you confident enough to weigh in and make a night of it?
What if it was 100 guys and 1 woman?
I wouldn't let it affect me mentally but I also wouldn't waste my own time in an illogical situation. |
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