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Bringing swining to a new partner
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By *adfoot OP Man
over a year ago
Sevenoaks |
I'm in a reasonably new relationship and she still doesn't know that I'm bi or that I'm on here. I haven't, and won't, play with anyone else till she knows and is okay with it.
Is there a best way to approach the subject to someone who's fairly vanilla in the bedroom, or does anyone have experience in a similar situation? |
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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago
Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters |
Is there a best way? Yes, discuss it before getting into a relationship with her, so she can make an informed decision and consent to being in a relationship with a guy who is bisexual, active on a swingers site, and (presumably) not looking for vanilla, monogamous, sexual exclusivitiy from her. Something which in our society, unfortunately, is commonly the default and therefore just assumed is the agreement when people get into a relationship, and therefore this may well be her expectation from you.
Consent.
Consent, consent, consent. Always.
Especially up front with new beginnings. These things only get more messy / harder as time goes by. |
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Honestly I'd just come out with it, fairly directly,with no ambiguity or room for confusion. And sooner rather than later.
Also you need to decide what your reaction will be if she wants no part in sharing you with swingers or other guys. Is this a deal breaker for you? If she made you choose between this life and her, which would you pick?
On the flip side, this could be the beginning of an exciting time for you both as a couple. You won't know until you tell her, just be prepared for a potentially bumpy time. Good luck!   |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
"Is there a best way? Yes, discuss it before getting into a relationship with her, so she can make an informed decision and consent to being in a relationship with a guy who is bisexual, active on a swingers site, and (presumably) not looking for vanilla, monogamous, sexual exclusivitiy from her. Something which in our society, unfortunately, is commonly the default and therefore just assumed is the agreement when people get into a relationship, and therefore this may well be her expectation from you.
Consent.
Consent, consent, consent. Always.
Especially up front with new beginnings. These things only get more messy / harder as time goes by."
This is good advice. |
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"Is there a best way? Yes, discuss it before getting into a relationship with her, so she can make an informed decision and consent to being in a relationship with a guy who is bisexual, active on a swingers site, and (presumably) not looking for vanilla, monogamous, sexual exclusivitiy from her. Something which in our society, unfortunately, is commonly the default and therefore just assumed is the agreement when people get into a relationship, and therefore this may well be her expectation from you.
Consent.
Consent, consent, consent. Always.
Especially up front with new beginnings. These things only get more messy / harder as time goes by."
Exactly this.
In reality you should have told her before getting into the relationship, but as you didn’t you really need to tell her ASAP |
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By *adfoot OP Man
over a year ago
Sevenoaks |
I completely understand I should have told her but I only very recently accepted I'm bi. The whole fab thing isn't the issue as I guess I'm only on here to confirm I'm bi and get some advice. We're playing this erotic board game on Friday thats supposed to bring couples closer so I think then is a good time to tell her? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honestly I would expect someone to let me know that they are bi before we're in an official relationship, it wouldn't make any difference to me but the longer you leave it the more lied to your partner will feel |
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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago
Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters |
"I completely understand I should have told her but I only very recently accepted I'm bi. The whole fab thing isn't the issue as I guess I'm only on here to confirm I'm bi and get some advice. We're playing this erotic board game on Friday thats supposed to bring couples closer so I think then is a good time to tell her?"
Sounds like a plan. Good luck! |
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Yep definitely a good stage to see how comfortable you are with each other. Try and maybe create mood that is fun and relaxed to talk about both of your sexual desires. Ask her what's her darkest sexual desires. Let her know whatever it is she's safe to say it to you. Then show your hand, tell her all your desires. Or maybe you may need to show yours first to get the ball rolling.
Be brave, either/or you need to have this conversation going forward. Maybe your desires are shared (or some of them). Or they (or some) are not but she is supportive of your pursuit of them (and you hers). Or it's no deal on your relationship going forward. But don't live a lie or be with in a relationship where you are not free to be yourself, flourish and grow. That is bad for both of you. Be in a relationship where you are loved and encouraged for all you are. If your really lucky one where you both want to share all your sexual desires together as well as everything else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is there a best way? Yes, discuss it before getting into a relationship with her, so she can make an informed decision and consent to being in a relationship with a guy who is bisexual, active on a swingers site, and (presumably) not looking for vanilla, monogamous, sexual exclusivitiy from her. Something which in our society, unfortunately, is commonly the default and therefore just assumed is the agreement when people get into a relationship, and therefore this may well be her expectation from you.
Consent.
Consent, consent, consent. Always.
Especially up front with new beginnings. These things only get more messy / harder as time goes by."
?? spot on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we werte open and honest right from the start we both come from failed relationships his a broken marridge mine a marine who liked to use his fist and as i found out played with a friend often behind my back ..
so right from the start we laid our cards down we knew withing the first week we were both fully bi and we both said we would be open to more fun with others the rest is a very happy marridge moved in within 3 weeks married just over a year and we are still going strong 30 years later ...open and honest is the best way to go ..no point in being with each other if you want different things |
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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago
Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters |
"we werte open and honest right from the start we both come from failed relationships his a broken marridge mine a marine who liked to use his fist and as i found out played with a friend often behind my back ..
so right from the start we laid our cards down we knew withing the first week we were both fully bi and we both said we would be open to more fun with others the rest is a very happy marridge moved in within 3 weeks married just over a year and we are still going strong 30 years later ...open and honest is the best way to go ..no point in being with each other if you want different things"
Amazing journey, so happy you both were able to escape your bad situations and am now happy and open together. |
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