FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Why do people lie?
Why do people lie?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Had a fun outdoor meet set up with someone I’ve met multiple times and thought we had a connection and were completely open and honest with each other . But he cancelled, saying he had covid. I went to the location anyway just to check it out for future possibilities. As I was leaving I saw him walking into the woods hand in hand with another woman! Would you confront him or just block and forget him? |
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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
That's not nice at all.
The thing is he's entitled to meet whoever he wants which is fine. Personally we wouldn't cancel a meet for another, had the opportunity plenty but never have, that's a no no for us, we would arrange to meet the other person at another time, it's the 'right' thing to do, avoids the situation you're now in, op. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That's not nice at all.
The thing is he's entitled to meet whoever he wants which is fine. Personally we wouldn't cancel a meet for another, had the opportunity plenty but never have, that's a no no for us, we would arrange to meet the other person at another time, it's the 'right' thing to do, avoids the situation you're now in, op. "
Yes I agree. It’s just disrespectful. Yes he can meet whoever he likes but being replaced makes me feel like shit. Wish I’d never gone there and seen them, I’d be none the wiser. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m going to say his loss and it’ll come back to bite him eventually. If he’s bouncing between people and cancelling plans because of some new fancy then karma will come around and leave him struggling to meet one person nevermind multiple people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Had a fun outdoor meet set up with someone I’ve met multiple times and thought we had a connection and were completely open and honest with each other . But he cancelled, saying he had covid. I went to the location anyway just to check it out for future possibilities. As I was leaving I saw him walking into the woods hand in hand with another woman! Would you confront him or just block and forget him?"
Block and forget. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some people would rather lie than have the courage to tell the truth. I often get the feeling that guys who are talking to me are waiting for a better offer. It’s their loss hun just learn from it and move on x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are you married to him? Surely he is allowed to meet other people. 
Sounds like he was trying to protect your feelings. If he'd said he was off fucking someone else what would you have said? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Truth be told he probably sees you as a done deal so when a new opportunity came along, he took it. Only you can decide what behaviour you see as acceptable and your expectations from a playmate. Don't get too deep with someone who doesn't respect you. |
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By *rixieMeWoman
over a year ago
Farfarfar away |
That’s pants. I’d be hurt and confused, and want answers, but in the same breath I know it’s not worth it. It’s not worth messing with your headspace as to why people do things we can only control how we respond to them.
I know it just words, probably doesn’t help and he’s still a dick! Xxx |
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"I'm impressed he had two offers at the same time. "
Weirdly this does happen quite frequently - for me the site is either deadly quiet or I get a plethora of people who want to meet around the same time.
I always make sure that I only ever schedule to meet one person (so OP I think he is taking the mick) but then Sod’s law then says that who ever I agree to meet sometimes doesn’t make it for some reason  |
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"That was a stroke of luck catching him there at the same time "
Not sure OP is viewing this event as a "stroke of luck".
To the OP, you havecrealky answered your own question.
You clearly have been upset by his action so go with your feelings.
You are not going to trust him again. Your further interactions will haveca negative spin.
You havent promised monogamy to one another but he lied.
Whether he lied to protect your feelings or lied to go with a "hotter offer"..... eithr way - it has not had the desired effect upon discovery.
Move on or it will just dwell and become an issue you dont need |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some people just come up allsorts of excuses instead of just simply telling the truth. Shame really as we're all adults but not everyone acts like one.
Best thing to do is forget them and move on. |
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"Are you married to him? Surely he is allowed to meet other people.
Sounds like he was trying to protect your feelings. If he'd said he was off fucking someone else what would you have said? "
Think you totally missed the point and read it wrong he cancelled on her making an excuse he had covid so meet had already been arranged but he ditched her to take someone else ... just think how that would make you feel?
OP Block and find yourself a decent guy x good luck oh and don't let him make you feel worthless it's his loss xx |
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Block and forget. I hate liars. If somone says they don't want to meet because they just don't feel like it, then fine, that's the way it is and I respect that. If someone cancelled and makes up some crappy excuse then I'm being lied to, and I'm deeply offended. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Had a fun outdoor meet set up with someone I’ve met multiple times and thought we had a connection and were completely open and honest with each other . But he cancelled, saying he had covid. I went to the location anyway just to check it out for future possibilities. As I was leaving I saw him walking into the woods hand in hand with another woman! Would you confront him or just block and forget him?"
Did he see you? Or was it one of those really busy outdoor locations where you can easily blend into a crowd? If not then it was a huge stroke of luck on your part being there exactly at the right time, at a place you'd never visited, without him spotting you or your car - well done!
Re whether to block him? Up to you. Is he a good shag that you'd miss or do you have suitable alternatives lined up that you could perhaps take to this new spot for some fun? If so then just ignore any messages he sends as that'll wind him up more than being blocked. You might get lucky and he might see you there with someone else and realise the error of his ways.
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Had a fun outdoor meet set up with someone I’ve met multiple times and thought we had a connection and were completely open and honest with each other . But he cancelled, saying he had covid. I went to the location anyway just to check it out for future possibilities. As I was leaving I saw him walking into the woods hand in hand with another woman! Would you confront him or just block and forget him?"
I mean people lie for whatever reason
So unless you confront him you'll never know
However unless you want him to know your bothered I wouldn't confront him
I would just leave him alone, don't contact him, no reply to his messages
There are so many men on this planet that unless he's something special then there's no point in getting worked up about it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am not sure what to make of this, we are only being told one half of the story and so I always try to keep an open mind.
It was quite the coincidence though that you went to the meet venue at the same time. You say that you were checking out for future possibilities, are these possibilities with other men? If so it's OK for you to take other people there but not him? Did you suspect that he'd be there and did you hope to find him there with another?
The fact that he changed his plans with you can be seen in many ways, he probably didn't have the heart to say he had another offer that he'd prefer to go with...but that's not an awful thing. He is a person who is perfectly entitled to fuck who he wants, as you are too.
I think too many people let emotion get in the way when meeting people, and I have a feeling that's happening here.
It's up to you whether you choose to continue to meet him in future or block him and find others. I say others because my advice is to not rely on solely one person.
NBVN x
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People lie for different reasons.
In this case it was to protect your feelings (if you hadn't gone to the location you'd never have known any different) and to protect future meets with you.
Other people lie to protect themselves, to make themselves seem better and more interesting, to get out of trouble, to get someone else into trouble, be because they have a medical condition that makes being truthful impossible etc etc.
If I were in your position I'd block and forget him but the decision rests with you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are you married to him? Surely he is allowed to meet other people.
Sounds like he was trying to protect your feelings. If he'd said he was off fucking someone else what would you have said?
Think you totally missed the point and read it wrong he cancelled on her making an excuse he had covid so meet had already been arranged but he ditched her to take someone else ... just think how that would make you feel?
OP Block and find yourself a decent guy x good luck oh and don't let him make you feel worthless it's his loss xx"
He lied to save her feelings. Yes it's shit to cancel a meet to fuck someone else but she went to the same place planning future meets. At the exact same time he was there.
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As not nice as it was, why are you checking up on him? Things like this happen so don't use the forum to dwell on it. Move on, it's a swingers site.
It seems to be everyone is a keyboard warrior these days. I'm sure some of you will have a go at me.... But it's the truth. As Ricky Gervais said just because you're offended it doesn't make you right |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Judge him on the basis of his lie/deceit, rather than the fact he chose to meet someone else.
I don’t know your arrangement with him, but it’s reasonable to assume that you were both seeing other people, since you mention “always being honest east/open with each other”.
He’s a been a total shit about it though. The fact you had already met him several times means he places little value on the relationship you’d developed. It’s terrible form.
But taking the point others have made, how would you feel if he had said “actually I want to fuck someone else in the woods today, not you” ? Which evidently was his truth.
I think many people have been faced with this option/dilemma on FAB. The measure of a person is how they deal with it, in the end. I’d never see him again. Or her, if it was a woman. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not a nice experience for you OP, but let's not forget this is a swinging site. He probably lied to protect you, but got caught out.
I would much rather people be up front and honest and just say, I have another meet, can we arrange another time. At least then you know exactly where you stand and can act accordingly  |
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By *imkev76Couple
over a year ago
GOSPORT |
Life is to short to be unhappy or be made to feel 2nd best. Personally I would walk away and move on, but do whatever makes you happier! I hate confrontation and no one ever felt good after it, surely? I would rather keep my dignity and just take the approach that it’s absolutely fine, you will have plenty of better and more pleasing opportunities! Trust me it’s far more satisfying long term!!! Kim x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well looks like the OP decided on an alternative course of action.
A"
I think maybe there's a little more feelings involved or they just want a fresh start as you can't delete posts. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Well looks like the OP decided on an alternative course of action.
A
I think maybe there's a little more feelings involved or they just want a fresh start as you can't delete posts. "
Who knows.
Maybe it was one of those 'things that definitely didn't happen' threads?
Only the OP will know and they've gone. I somehow doubt they'll come back in a new guise to comment again.
A |
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"Had a fun outdoor meet set up with someone I’ve met multiple times and thought we had a connection and were completely open and honest with each other . But he cancelled, saying he had covid. I went to the location anyway just to check it out for future possibilities. As I was leaving I saw him walking into the woods hand in hand with another woman! Would you confront him or just block and forget him?"
Check it out for future possibilities? Not with him as he'd already been there with you. Makes no sense |
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I’m surprised at so many people saying he lied to protect the OP.
More likely he lied to make sure he didn’t fuck up his chances of more meets with her in future.
Nowt to do with protecting her feelings |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we have found over the years that some regular fb or fwb will use people as back-up whiles looking for fun ie using you as a 100% back up if nothing else happens even to the point of saying they will meet you at the same time looking elsewhere then if they get lucky the regular gets let down ... alot of people do this we've blocked quite a few this way .... then once they are found out they grovel because they lose the one thing thats so hard to find on here .... nope block move on as they will keep om doing it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m surprised at so many people saying he lied to protect the OP.
More likely he lied to make sure he didn’t fuck up his chances of more meets with her in future.
Nowt to do with protecting her feelings"
Spot on x |
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