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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I couldn't be both. I was submissive but I don't think it's something that is transferable to another. So that's why I say neither.
As I can't be dominant to a man. Well not seriously.
And I can't submit to another.
Cali |
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Both; I am 50-50 dom-sub, depends on who I am with and what we decide.
I was dom for years till a very sexy younger lady 'outed' my sub side and I have not looked back since.
My only problem is I will never be a pain slut, my pain threshold has been compared to that of a hamster. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
My only problem is I will never be a pain slut, my pain threshold has been compared to that of a hamster."
Oh I know this well and it causes no end of amusement with our friends! |
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By *ub bbwWoman
over a year ago
oldbury |
theres only one way for me and the name says it all same as with Sir he cant switch so it works perfectly for us. I tried it once and just giggled nervously and then looked all pathetic as i couldnt go through with anything |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
In my line of work I have to be in control so it is nice to relinquish it in the bedroom. It's my stress-relief. However, it is not a lifestyle for me. I have dommed a few guys but don't think I am that good at it and don't get that much out of it. |
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DO you think it's true that, once you've expeienced being either a sub or dom, you can't stay away. Like is it hard not to try many times again, and will it become a proper lifestyle if I do try it and like it? |
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"DO you think it's true that, once you've expeienced being either a sub or dom, you can't stay away. Like is it hard not to try many times again, and will it become a proper lifestyle if I do try it and like it?"
As with all things depends on what you want.
Whilst I couldn't be submissive if my life depended on it, I couldn't be Domme 24/7. Blimey, I'm not adverse to being "girlie" to get what I want...outside the bedroom: those gutters won't clean themselves!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me that question is more complicated than it sounds.
When it comes to sex, the majority of my experiences have not involved power exchange of any sort.
Dominance, to me, is mainly about being served and not usually about sex. I won't normally have sex with subs. They may be required to serve me orally, and they may get rewards in various ways, but they won't usually get to penetrate me, or receive oral from me.
I've only recently tried Dominance as bedroom play. It's fun but it doesn't come as naturally to me as 'lifestyle' Domination. It takes the right sort of person for me to want to roleplay sexual Domination with them, (and it needs more than just attraction). I don't have to be attracted to a sub at all for lifestyle Domination.
I can also Top, with people who want, for example, anal play but without the control aspect. That requires sexual attraction too.
I never sub. I've tried it but I just don't have it in me to do it. My natural instinct, if told to do something, even if it's something I want to do, is to resist, or do the opposite. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Altho sub in the bedroom that doesn't transfer to life in general.
For many reasons in my life I've had to take control and tend to know what I want and need and I think thats the reason why, in the bedroom, I love being sub, told what to do, it's a relief to relinquish that control. In saying that I am sub to J and no one else. When we play then I want to please the guys/girls we meet but ultimately the control aspect comes from J not anyone else xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I couldn't be both. I was submissive but I don't think it's something that is transferable to another. So that's why I say neither.
As I can't be dominant to a man. Well not seriously.
And I can't submit to another.
Cali"
you will get over it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Both
Different people, different situations bring different sides of the sexual me out.
I wouldn't say I was dominant as such but I am more than willing to take the more pro-active role than I am the submissive one.
Most of the time !
Then a small part of me is very submissive though I have to be honest and say it is only a man that brings that out in me - and a very particular sort of man at that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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 oh now i understand the question lol hehehhee
I am Bi and have two seperate perspectives
1. as a bi man once i turned on i dont mind being dominated - but no pain
2. as a MF mix i like to be passionate; but quiet happy to be the dominant one
However in general; i think i just go with the flow and see what ticks all boxes for those involved |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be a better Dom you have to be Sub sometimes "
Ahhhhhhhhhhh !
I have this theory that some subs actually have more power than the dom could ever have !
I also find that some subs can be more agressive in getting what they want than the dom is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" oh now i understand the question lol hehehhee
I am Bi and have two seperate perspectives
1. as a bi man once i turned on i dont mind being dominated - but no pain
2. as a MF mix i like to be passionate; but quiet happy to be the dominant one
However in general; i think i just go with the flow and see what ticks all boxes for those involved "
same as above really |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be a better Dom you have to be Sub sometimes
Ahhhhhhhhhhh !
I have this theory that some subs actually have more power than the dom could ever have !
I also find that some subs can be more agressive in getting what they want than the dom is."
Subs/bottoms set the limits, yes. It depends how you play really. Either party has the right to say no, or halt proceedings, which is the ultimate power.
Subs can be very pushy but I've found more that are manipulative than are aggressive, personally. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be a better Dom you have to be Sub sometimes"
I totally disagree. If someone can sub then they would never be dominant enough for me. I also think that if the sub is allowed to have to much control it can affect the power balance. Bit like with kids.
I always knew I had no control and no power. Yes I could say no or end it but it meant the end of the relationship.
Cali |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be a better Dom you have to be Sub sometimes
Ahhhhhhhhhhh !
I have this theory that some subs actually have more power than the dom could ever have !
I also find that some subs can be more agressive in getting what they want than the dom is.
Subs/bottoms set the limits, yes. It depends how you play really. Either party has the right to say no, or halt proceedings, which is the ultimate power.
Subs can be very pushy but I've found more that are manipulative than are aggressive, personally."
I agree - manipulative and pushy are much better descriptions
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Love both!!! Love dominating a women, teasing them and making them my bitch!
But also really enjoy been sub with a couple and being there play thing making me do what they want |
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"To be a better Dom you have to be Sub sometimes"
Maybe a Top could do that but a naturally Dominant man just cannot do that with any sort of conviction. It would defy every instinct he has.
Also there are lots of different ways that a Dominant man can assert himself, he has control that's partly what makes him a Dominant. That does not mean he has to be whipping a partner or causing pain or being insulting to enjoy himself. A man who is a good Dominant will be able to dial that Dominance up and down depending on who he is with. That can simply come across as assertive. To the cuffs and cane stereo type. Which is exactly why up to this point we haven't mixed swinging with D/s outside our relationship because most don't understand it properly.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be a better Dom you have to be Sub sometimes
Maybe a Top could do that but a naturally Dominant man just cannot do that with any sort of conviction. It would defy every instinct he has.
Also there are lots of different ways that a Dominant man can assert himself, he has control that's partly what makes him a Dominant. That does not mean he has to be whipping a partner or causing pain or being insulting to enjoy himself. A man who is a good Dominant will be able to dial that Dominance up and down depending on who he is with. That can simply come across as assertive. To the cuffs and cane stereo type. Which is exactly why up to this point we haven't mixed swinging with D/s outside our relationship because most don't understand it properly. "
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"To be a better Dom you have to be Sub sometimes
Maybe a Top could do that but a naturally Dominant man just cannot do that with any sort of conviction. It would defy every instinct he has.
Also there are lots of different ways that a Dominant man can assert himself, he has control that's partly what makes him a Dominant. That does not mean he has to be whipping a partner or causing pain or being insulting to enjoy himself. A man who is a good Dominant will be able to dial that Dominance up and down depending on who he is with. That can simply come across as assertive. To the cuffs and cane stereo type. Which is exactly why up to this point we haven't mixed swinging with D/s outside our relationship because most don't understand it properly. "
I totally agree!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be a better Dom you have to be Sub sometimes
Maybe a Top could do that but a naturally Dominant man just cannot do that with any sort of conviction. It would defy every instinct he has.
Also there are lots of different ways that a Dominant man can assert himself, he has control that's partly what makes him a Dominant. That does not mean he has to be whipping a partner or causing pain or being insulting to enjoy himself. A man who is a good Dominant will be able to dial that Dominance up and down depending on who he is with. That can simply come across as assertive. To the cuffs and cane stereo type. Which is exactly why up to this point we haven't mixed swinging with D/s outside our relationship because most don't understand it properly. I totally agree!!! "
I would agree if he didn't just mention Dominant men. The same goes for Dominant women.
Other than that I agree totally. |
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Sj 
the hunt continues 