FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Advice needed please
Advice needed please
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
This is my first post so please be nice!!
I have come from a BDSM background more than a swinging one where munches happen, but, also there seems to be a good level of respect whatever your role is. Any people who are deemed “thirsty” or “predatory” are kind of cast out. Also “not my kink” is a big thing where there is no kink shaming allowed.
Coming across to swinging, or trying swinging, has led me to meet some great men, woman and couples for socials. However, some of the messages I have received are bordering on obscene, and in some cases disgusting.
I will answer to a well written message, as well as look at the photos from whomever.
So my question is, is this site typical of what I will find on the swinging scene, especially in clubs? As a single woman going to a club is there “protection” so to speak from people who don’t take a subtle hint or approach you in the way some do here?
This is not a bashing post because as I say I have had some social meets but do want to venture in to clubs but just want to know if it’s the same as here.
Thank you all |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Yes that’s unfortunately normal on here.
In clubs if someone steps out of line staff and/or other members will remove them. We’ve been going to clubs for a while now and have only ever had one bad experience. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’ll also add that every single man we’ve spoke to in a club has been very respectful. The only bad experience we had was at a New Years Eve party when a lot more alcohol than usual was involved. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Block button is your friend regarding messages
In clubs it’s very different to what messages are like on here…
Remember you can always say no and if said idiot doesn’t respect, that tell a member of staff and they will soon be out the door.
There are a lot of respectful people at clubs so I wouldn’t worry 
The majority of idiots that send those kind of messages I doubt go to clubs x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"This is my first post so please be nice!!
I have come from a BDSM background more than a swinging one where munches happen, but, also there seems to be a good level of respect whatever your role is. Any people who are deemed “thirsty” or “predatory” are kind of cast out. Also “not my kink” is a big thing where there is no kink shaming allowed.
Coming across to swinging, or trying swinging, has led me to meet some great men, woman and couples for socials. However, some of the messages I have received are bordering on obscene, and in some cases disgusting.
I will answer to a well written message, as well as look at the photos from whomever.
So my question is, is this site typical of what I will find on the swinging scene, especially in clubs? As a single woman going to a club is there “protection” so to speak from people who don’t take a subtle hint or approach you in the way some do here?
This is not a bashing post because as I say I have had some social meets but do want to venture in to clubs but just want to know if it’s the same as here.
Thank you all "
If you're expecting the same sort of decorum and etiquette as in the kink scene, you'll definitely be disappointed.
The best explanation I've heard to date is that in the kinksters ask and wait to be given permission, whereas swingers try and wait to be told no. Its definitely not quite like that, but the sentiment is a reasonable one.
That being said often the gross, thirsty single guys are just fantasists anyway. They wouldn't know what to do if you offered them a meet, and probably wouldn't turn up (not that I'd suggest chancing it).
Overall I suppose its just a microcosm of the wider dating scene. Couples and (especially) single women have to deal with finding the diamonds in a sea of rough, whereas guys can message 200+ people and expect only a handful of responses.
Ultimately it is what you make of it. We ignore the idiots and hold out for what we're looking for, whilst fully accepting that means fewer meets.
It's also worth noting that the thirsty single guys on Fab are far, far less brave in the real world. Clubs are far, far better in that regard and - depending on what you're looking for - are a great place to meet people.
L |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Love both scenes but I must admit I get more interest in the swinging scene than Fetish. Admittedly I do generally prefer to attend bi nights rather than a regular party night.
Single women at the club are regarded as a bonus for both men and couples, just check out guest lists. So you’ll certainly not be alone for long.
However just like Fetish clubs, the owners are very keen to make it as safe as possible for you. Any issues that arise will be dealt with.
I have very rarely seen or heard of any major incidents at a swingers club, not saying it won’t happen but they’re as safe as the Fetish clubs. A No is still a no and I’d say the majority who attend respect that.
Good luck and I hope it goes well for you.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
In my experience of the two, you get a lot of that kind of behaviour here where the keyboard warrior aspects comes into play and people think they can get away with the kind of thing but it’s nothing like that in clubs where people have to face the consequences of poor behaviour |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Hi,
My partner and I have only been in the lifestyle since the beginning of the year. We have used 1 club on 3 occasions on a couples evening. We have found it to be very safe and people being very respectful apart from 1 male. I was not aware that he was touching her whilst talking to her as he was on the other side of her, whilst we were talking to him and his lady. As soon as I put my arm around my partner she said he stopped. You may be best to start on a Saturday night at clubs as those tend to be the couples and single women only. We have found most people in the lifestyle to be like minded nice people. If you know a man or couple that you can fully trust then you could go as a couple or + 1, so he can 'watch your back'. That may help you feel better for now. I hope this has helped x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This is my first post so please be nice!!
I have come from a BDSM background more than a swinging one where munches happen, but, also there seems to be a good level of respect whatever your role is. Any people who are deemed “thirsty” or “predatory” are kind of cast out. Also “not my kink” is a big thing where there is no kink shaming allowed.
Coming across to swinging, or trying swinging, has led me to meet some great men, woman and couples for socials. However, some of the messages I have received are bordering on obscene, and in some cases disgusting.
I will answer to a well written message, as well as look at the photos from whomever.
So my question is, is this site typical of what I will find on the swinging scene, especially in clubs? As a single woman going to a club is there “protection” so to speak from people who don’t take a subtle hint or approach you in the way some do here?
This is not a bashing post because as I say I have had some social meets but do want to venture in to clubs but just want to know if it’s the same as here.
Thank you all
If you're expecting the same sort of decorum and etiquette as in the kink scene, you'll definitely be disappointed.
The best explanation I've heard to date is that in the kinksters ask and wait to be given permission, whereas swingers try and wait to be told no. Its definitely not quite like that, but the sentiment is a reasonable one.
That being said often the gross, thirsty single guys are just fantasists anyway. They wouldn't know what to do if you offered them a meet, and probably wouldn't turn up (not that I'd suggest chancing it).
Overall I suppose its just a microcosm of the wider dating scene. Couples and (especially) single women have to deal with finding the diamonds in a sea of rough, whereas guys can message 200+ people and expect only a handful of responses.
Ultimately it is what you make of it. We ignore the idiots and hold out for what we're looking for, whilst fully accepting that means fewer meets.
It's also worth noting that the thirsty single guys on Fab are far, far less brave in the real world. Clubs are far, far better in that regard and - depending on what you're looking for - are a great place to meet people.
L "
What a great response x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This is my first post so please be nice!!
I have come from a BDSM background more than a swinging one where munches happen, but, also there seems to be a good level of respect whatever your role is. Any people who are deemed “thirsty” or “predatory” are kind of cast out. Also “not my kink” is a big thing where there is no kink shaming allowed.
Coming across to swinging, or trying swinging, has led me to meet some great men, woman and couples for socials. However, some of the messages I have received are bordering on obscene, and in some cases disgusting.
I will answer to a well written message, as well as look at the photos from whomever.
So my question is, is this site typical of what I will find on the swinging scene, especially in clubs? As a single woman going to a club is there “protection” so to speak from people who don’t take a subtle hint or approach you in the way some do here?
This is not a bashing post because as I say I have had some social meets but do want to venture in to clubs but just want to know if it’s the same as here.
Thank you all
If you're expecting the same sort of decorum and etiquette as in the kink scene, you'll definitely be disappointed.
The best explanation I've heard to date is that in the kinksters ask and wait to be given permission, whereas swingers try and wait to be told no. Its definitely not quite like that, but the sentiment is a reasonable one.
That being said often the gross, thirsty single guys are just fantasists anyway. They wouldn't know what to do if you offered them a meet, and probably wouldn't turn up (not that I'd suggest chancing it).
Overall I suppose its just a microcosm of the wider dating scene. Couples and (especially) single women have to deal with finding the diamonds in a sea of rough, whereas guys can message 200+ people and expect only a handful of responses.
Ultimately it is what you make of it. We ignore the idiots and hold out for what we're looking for, whilst fully accepting that means fewer meets.
It's also worth noting that the thirsty single guys on Fab are far, far less brave in the real world. Clubs are far, far better in that regard and - depending on what you're looking for - are a great place to meet people.
L "
Great answer |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
The only issue we’ve had with the attitude of others had been on here.
Never had an issue in person (most of our meets have been at clubs)
They have always been a very safe place for everyone as the staff make it very clear that no means no and you must ask first. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *heswingerMan
over a year ago
the steel city sheffield |
"This is my first post so please be nice!!
I have come from a BDSM background more than a swinging one where munches happen, but, also there seems to be a good level of respect whatever your role is. Any people who are deemed “thirsty” or “predatory” are kind of cast out. Also “not my kink” is a big thing where there is no kink shaming allowed.
Coming across to swinging, or trying swinging, has led me to meet some great men, woman and couples for socials. However, some of the messages I have received are bordering on obscene, and in some cases disgusting.
I will answer to a well written message, as well as look at the photos from whomever.
So my question is, is this site typical of what I will find on the swinging scene, especially in clubs? As a single woman going to a club is there “protection” so to speak from people who don’t take a subtle hint or approach you in the way some do here?
This is not a bashing post because as I say I have had some social meets but do want to venture in to clubs but just want to know if it’s the same as here.
Thank you all "
all I will say is please don’t tar all single blokes with the same brush, there are some decent genuine respectful guys like myslef on here who have manners, respect and decorum |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
There are some decent guys on here but unfortunately they are in the minority and get lumped in with all the idiots. With anyone allowed to sign up on here and it being pretty easy to find the site you'll get a lot of immature blokes who think it's sex on tap here and don't understand when a lady isn't willing to meet in an instant, then they get nasty. This only increased with lockdown where the ratio of males to females only grew in size. That said you will find the real guys on here if you are prepared to sort the wheat from the chaff and understand that 90% of the messages you receive will not be what you want.
As for clubs, it's a better scene. First, you know someone has showed up. Most people will play by the rules and be respectful though on occasion you'll find chancers who will need to be firmly told 'no'. They are very much the minority though and if reported then staff will act.
Hope that's not painted the scene in too bad a light - stick with it and judge for yourself I'd say. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
There are some lovely guys on this site, unfortunately there are quite a few twats (professional term) also. I've taken two CIS woman to clubs because they both said they wouldn't go on there own. She we are no closer, good luck..... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"This is my first post so please be nice!!
I have come from a BDSM background more than a swinging one where munches happen, but, also there seems to be a good level of respect whatever your role is. Any people who are deemed “thirsty” or “predatory” are kind of cast out. Also “not my kink” is a big thing where there is no kink shaming allowed.
Coming across to swinging, or trying swinging, has led me to meet some great men, woman and couples for socials. However, some of the messages I have received are bordering on obscene, and in some cases disgusting.
I will answer to a well written message, as well as look at the photos from whomever.
So my question is, is this site typical of what I will find on the swinging scene, especially in clubs? As a single woman going to a club is there “protection” so to speak from people who don’t take a subtle hint or approach you in the way some do here?
This is not a bashing post because as I say I have had some social meets but do want to venture in to clubs but just want to know if it’s the same as here.
Thank you all "
Sadly, there are some on here who just don't know how to interreact with others. Fab has become a bit of a backdrop for us of late with clubs and social events coming front and centre. This is due to various reasons (some of which you list) so you're not alone. Your block button will get used. Unlike yourself, we've been on Fab a long time and it's not untrue to say Fab hasn't been the same since before lockdown happened. Hopefully it will get back to normal one day.
In the last 8 months our experience, Clubs and social events have been great. We've always had a good time, everyone has been respectful and it's a good way to filter out all the negatives you get on fab. Your mileage may vary of course but for us and friends, it's currently the way to go. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think the biggest difference for me was that on kink sites I didn't bump into many men who were just looking for wank chat.
On here there are a lot of blokes who have no intention of meeting, they just want me to talk them off. They will send revolting messages just to provoke a response because they don't care if they get blocked by me, they just wank at the thought of me reading the message.
Clubs aren't my scene, but I suspect the guys who are willing to pay to go as a single man aren't going in search of a wank, so will be far more amenable and sociable than the ones sitting behind a keyboard! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We would say from experience that the sort of messages you get that are crass and unwanted are from the desperados and chancers.
Most people you chat to in clubs are very respectful and very pleasant. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ustCharWoman
over a year ago
Stamford |
I'm also more familiar with munches and the fetish side. My now husband introduced me to swinging. I find that a lot of 'traditional' wife swappers don't understand fetishes and there is a fair amount of kink shaming here.
My block button gets used A LOT.
Clubs are still the same as munches, where no means no. You usually get a tour on your first visit and you will be told then who to approach if anything happens. I've not yet had any reason to report anything while in a club. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
In my experience the club scene is most definitely nothing like the messages ladies/couples sometimes receive online. Club members tend to be a lot more respectful and no means no. Im not saying idiots don't attend clubs as you will always get disrespectful people both online and in clubs. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
