FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Married Men
Married Men
Jump to: Newest in thread
 | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I beg to differ. It says you don’t like attached men, doesn’t say you won’t meet them." Makes no difference, used to have a strongly worded section saying I wouldn’t meet married men still got the same amount of messages! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"It's bloody annoying. We've actually put not meeting on our bio and we still get messages.. we just don't reply anymore." ... but are you meeting? | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"They don’t read profiles most of the time annoyingly " Do they not get that they’re just wasting their own time? So odd. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"They don’t read profiles most of the time annoyingly Do they not get that they’re just wasting their own time? So odd. " That's men for you! They just know that you'll change your mind for them  | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"They don’t read profiles most of the time annoyingly Do they not get that they’re just wasting their own time? So odd. " I think it’s the ‘ casting a line ‘ approach. Send as many messages as possibly and hoping to get luck with 1 | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
 | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I beg to differ. It says you don’t like attached men, doesn’t say you won’t meet them." So you think that she would meet people she doesn't like? | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I beg to differ. It says you don’t like attached men, doesn’t say you won’t meet them. So you think that she would meet people she doesn't like?" No need to twist my words. I was making a simple and factual statement. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"This reading profiles thing you mention.....you know it never happens as too busy looking at pics to do that " | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I beg to differ. It says you don’t like attached men, doesn’t say you won’t meet them. So you think that she would meet people she doesn't like? No need to twist my words. I was making a simple and factual statement. " Don’t see how they were twisting your words | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I beg to differ. It says you don’t like attached men, doesn’t say you won’t meet them. So you think that she would meet people she doesn't like? No need to twist my words. I was making a simple and factual statement. Don’t see how they were twisting your words" Did I say anywhere that you would meet people you dont like? That’s twisting what I said. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I beg to differ. It says you don’t like attached men, doesn’t say you won’t meet them. So you think that she would meet people she doesn't like? No need to twist my words. I was making a simple and factual statement. Don’t see how they were twisting your words Did I say anywhere that you would meet people you dont like? That’s twisting what I said. " They didn’t twist your words they asked you a question! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over! "That's fab . Even men who say their not gay still get sent messages from gay guys  | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I beg to differ. It says you don’t like attached men, doesn’t say you won’t meet them. Makes no difference, used to have a strongly worded section saying I wouldn’t meet married men still got the same amount of messages! " Just block them then your good at that  | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I beg to differ. It says you don’t like attached men, doesn’t say you won’t meet them. Makes no difference, used to have a strongly worded section saying I wouldn’t meet married men still got the same amount of messages! Just block them then your good at that "Na I don’t block for that reason so I’ll only block if they keep messaging! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I beg to differ. It says you don’t like attached men, doesn’t say you won’t meet them. Makes no difference, used to have a strongly worded section saying I wouldn’t meet married men still got the same amount of messages! Just block them then your good at that
Na I don’t block for that reason so I’ll only block if they keep messaging! "I'd block someone for that though it's annoying af | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I beg to differ. It says you don’t like attached men, doesn’t say you won’t meet them. Makes no difference, used to have a strongly worded section saying I wouldn’t meet married men still got the same amount of messages! Just block them then your good at that
Na I don’t block for that reason so I’ll only block if they keep messaging!
I'd block someone for that though it's annoying af"There’s other things more worthy of blocking! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I beg to differ. It says you don’t like attached men, doesn’t say you won’t meet them. Makes no difference, used to have a strongly worded section saying I wouldn’t meet married men still got the same amount of messages! Just block them then your good at that
Na I don’t block for that reason so I’ll only block if they keep messaging!
I'd block someone for that though it's annoying af
There’s other things more worthy of blocking! "I know won't say too much because il get restricted for another 48 hours | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I beg to differ. It says you don’t like attached men, doesn’t say you won’t meet them. So you think that she would meet people she doesn't like? No need to twist my words. I was making a simple and factual statement. " It isn't twisting words. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over! "Problem is that you are so hot it’s irresistible! Genuinely!!! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over!
Problem is that you are so hot it’s irresistible! Genuinely!!!"No excuse though is it? Why not just respect someone's choice? ? | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
 | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I’d always pick the smallest busiest place with locals in it…" That's good advice for any location | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I’d always pick the smallest busiest place with locals in it… That's good advice for any location "True, I’d name a place but after the lock down so much has changed… ;-) | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"True, I’d name a place but after the lock down so much has changed… ;-)" There's a good Chinese restaurant near Leicester Square. I can't remember the name but it is known for excellent food and rude service | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"True, I’d name a place but after the lock down so much has changed… ;-) There's a good Chinese restaurant near Leicester Square. I can't remember the name but it is known for excellent food and rude service "that’s Wong-keys (not sure about the food anymore! These was a great little place right on the cocker at the opposite end of the Main Street, hope it’s still there! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"How do you really know if a man is married when so many claim to be single?. It upsets me as know I have been lied to on a few occasions." You're right there's absolutely no way of knowing wether they are married or not unless they are honest and have told you I now rightly or wrongly presume all single guys are married | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Married, attached or not, foolish men do not read profiles. Fact of Fab sadly but decent chaps do "As I have already posted I do read and accept profiles stating no married/ attached men..it won't stop me fabbing pictures however I won't ever message the woman/couple posting if it isn't welcomed. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over! "They see it as a challenge. Just stick to your guns. Try putting it in CAPITALS LETTERS. On the positive note you have an excuse not to message back and delete straight away. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I beg to differ. It says you don’t like attached men, doesn’t say you won’t meet them." Why would she meet someone it says she doesn’t like? Haha But yup OP I’m with you. Can’t make it clearer but it gets ignored
Standard reply of “profile answers that” is my usual response ha x | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"[Removed by poster at 06/03/22 20:07:03]" Opps | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over! "Always make sure to read profiles 1st if it says no married etc then don't bother messaging. It's not rocket science. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"How do you really know if a man is married when so many claim to be single?. It upsets me as know I have been lied to on a few occasions." This also goes for women. So many on here are 'single' but then you find out they have partners who either know (or don't) that their other half is on here) | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"no profile is too long or too short its your profile do with it as you pleased ... we gave up asking about married men in the end as there are so many of them and people lie to get what they want ... if we meet a married guy its on him if it turns up at our doorstep then we will be upfront and honest if it gets out of hands then the police will be called ... men and women lie lots og couples lie to get what they want and they dont care who it hurts as long as they are ok... those who say they wont meet married men proberly already have on the scene anyway without knowing " I can be fairly certain I’ve never played with a married man! I don’t do on the spot playing in clubs, I rarely meet (one meet in 5 months), don’t meet guys who can’t accommodate and tend to chat for weeks before meeting. I can count on one hand the amount of guys I’ve played with in the past 18 months. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"no profile is too long or too short its your profile do with it as you pleased ... we gave up asking about married men in the end as there are so many of them and people lie to get what they want ... if we meet a married guy its on him if it turns up at our doorstep then we will be upfront and honest if it gets out of hands then the police will be called ... men and women lie lots og couples lie to get what they want and they dont care who it hurts as long as they are ok... those who say they wont meet married men proberly already have on the scene anyway without knowing I can be fairly certain I’ve never played with a married man! I don’t do on the spot playing in clubs, I rarely meet (one meet in 5 months), don’t meet guys who can’t accommodate and tend to chat for weeks before meeting. I can count on one hand the amount of guys I’ve played with in the past 18 months. " Married / Attached guys do accommodate too, especially if they are given the time to chat and arrange it at a time there partner is out, (not everyone's thing but a reason why short notice meets can be a good idea, as they'll be less likely to be able to accomadate & hace tu make excuses) unfortunately there's no fool proof plan , as much as we like to hope there is | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"no profile is too long or too short its your profile do with it as you pleased ... we gave up asking about married men in the end as there are so many of them and people lie to get what they want ... if we meet a married guy its on him if it turns up at our doorstep then we will be upfront and honest if it gets out of hands then the police will be called ... men and women lie lots og couples lie to get what they want and they dont care who it hurts as long as they are ok... those who say they wont meet married men proberly already have on the scene anyway without knowing I can be fairly certain I’ve never played with a married man! I don’t do on the spot playing in clubs, I rarely meet (one meet in 5 months), don’t meet guys who can’t accommodate and tend to chat for weeks before meeting. I can count on one hand the amount of guys I’ve played with in the past 18 months. Married / Attached guys do accommodate too, especially if they are given the time to chat and arrange it at a time there partner is out, (not everyone's thing but a reason why short notice meets can be a good idea, as they'll be less likely to be able to accomadate & hace tu make excuses) unfortunately there's no fool proof plan , as much as we like to hope there is " I’m still friends with everyone I’ve played with so I’m certain none were married. But when you’ve only played with 4 guys in 18 months it’s a lot easier to be certain! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"no profile is too long or too short its your profile do with it as you pleased ... we gave up asking about married men in the end as there are so many of them and people lie to get what they want ... if we meet a married guy its on him if it turns up at our doorstep then we will be upfront and honest if it gets out of hands then the police will be called ... men and women lie lots og couples lie to get what they want and they dont care who it hurts as long as they are ok... those who say they wont meet married men proberly already have on the scene anyway without knowing I can be fairly certain I’ve never played with a married man! I don’t do on the spot playing in clubs, I rarely meet (one meet in 5 months), don’t meet guys who can’t accommodate and tend to chat for weeks before meeting. I can count on one hand the amount of guys I’ve played with in the past 18 months. Married / Attached guys do accommodate too, especially if they are given the time to chat and arrange it at a time there partner is out, (not everyone's thing but a reason why short notice meets can be a good idea, as they'll be less likely to be able to accomadate & hace tu make excuses) unfortunately there's no fool proof plan , as much as we like to hope there is I’m still friends with everyone I’ve played with so I’m certain none were married. But when you’ve only played with 4 guys in 18 months it’s a lot easier to be certain! " I've only met 5 guys since August 2019 & two of them I didn't have sex with so the number is irrelevant especially since we've had Covid inbetween & lots haven't been meeting if your free to pop to theirs for coffee whenever you like they are likely single if it's txt friends... & that's not a judgement I'm just realistic that I think many who claim to be single aren't, I hope they are single as if my faith in them was as strong as yours is & I found out they'd lied I'd feel seriously violated | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"no profile is too long or too short its your profile do with it as you pleased ... we gave up asking about married men in the end as there are so many of them and people lie to get what they want ... if we meet a married guy its on him if it turns up at our doorstep then we will be upfront and honest if it gets out of hands then the police will be called ... men and women lie lots og couples lie to get what they want and they dont care who it hurts as long as they are ok... those who say they wont meet married men proberly already have on the scene anyway without knowing I can be fairly certain I’ve never played with a married man! I don’t do on the spot playing in clubs, I rarely meet (one meet in 5 months), don’t meet guys who can’t accommodate and tend to chat for weeks before meeting. I can count on one hand the amount of guys I’ve played with in the past 18 months. " Very trusting outlook you have. I was seeing a guy for almost two years, spent equal times at his house as mine helped him with ideas on decorating his house as that's my line of work, picked his new kitchen and what colour he painted the front of his house etc and than found out he was living with a partner the whole time haha it would be very unlikely that you've never inadvertently met a not available men as people are very deceptive when they want to be | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"that’s Wong-keys (not sure about the food anymore! These was a great little place right on the cocker at the opposite end of the Main Street, hope it’s still there! "Wong-keys - now there’s a blast from the past. ‘Can I see a menu please?’ ‘You wanna read. Go to a fucking library’. Great customer service. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over! "To be fair…according g to your profile, you do t like much  | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I've already posted in this thread that we respect the whole ""wont meet married men" on profiles but the more I think about it, the more I wonder why so many women put it in there to begin with. I'm sure so many will rush to say "to avoid men cheating on their spouses" and that I appreciate. But beyond that, why? Firstly it's a given that x amount of single guy accounts on fab will be lying about their marital status and secondly, there are plenty of couples who play separately. We both do. Surely if you know a guy has a wife and she's perfectly ok with it, whats the problem? If we gender flip it, there's plenty of hot wives on here who play separately from their partners and I have yet to hear of a guy's account having "Wont meet married women" on it. This is a swingers site. Surely marital status shouldn't matter as long as all parties are aware? I'm sure some could say "it's a preference" but in my mind, if his other half knows and is fine with it (plenty of cuckqueans on fab...my wife's one of them) it shouldn't matter unless you want something more than NSA fun? " I want people with similar values to mine cos I like being friends with the people I fuck. So people whose partners know they swing? Bring it on. People who are cheating, no thanks. Also, of the hassle I have had when swinging, people pushing my limits, stealthing, with one exception all those men were married and cheating. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over!
To be fair…according g to your profile, you do t like much "I’m picky! As is my prerogative | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over! "just read your profile more like war and peace if I want to read a novel I will you need to chill out no one reads long profiles | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"We actually prefer married lads !" Damn why aren't u closer | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over! just read your profile more like war and peace if I want to read a novel I will you need to chill out no one reads long profiles"If someone’s too lazy to read it then just don’t message me simple! There are plenty of other women on here! And if they think it’s too long for them to bother then they are not for me anyway! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Think I will give you a miss your not my type " You’re odd! Did I ask to meet you or show the slightest interest? | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over! "I read profiles and if it clearly says, 'wont meet married men' then I won't. I suspect that they are blanket messaging women in the hope that at some point they might get a response, which is the biggest complaint from this (and I suspect, all the other sites). I understand that women can be inundated with messages but if they are not what your are looking for block them..? | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over! "That’s one of the reasons I’ve never messaged
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"True, I’d name a place but after the lock down so much has changed… ;-) There's a good Chinese restaurant near Leicester Square. I can't remember the name but it is known for excellent food and rude service "Wong Kei - I once took a girl their on a first date so I could be certain that I wasn't the biggest arse she had to deal with that night. The withering contempt she received when she asked for a spoon because she couldn't use chopsticks was priceless. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"They don’t read profiles most of the time annoyingly Do they not get that they’re just wasting their own time? So odd. " It's the same mentality that makes people think that all a vegetarian or vegan needs is a bacon butty and they'll be cured. Or a lesbian just needs an 8" shlong and she'll give up pussy. It's sad really, but they are out there. My question though, do you play the same rules when in the forum games? I.e. you don't want to be messaged under any circumstances? | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Always read profiles fully, I'm a single guy and if it states no single guys on a profile I won't message. Also if I don't meet a fabbers criteria again I won't message. What's the point, do just as well offering a steak to a vegan, not what they want." well they say they don't want it - but I always put some bacon under the grill when my vegan friend comes over and watch her face | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"We actually prefer married lads !" Stick the kettle on I can be there in 30 mins | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Wonder how many couples or females would be happy to meet a married female but not a married man ?" We guess the ones who do not feel respect, dignity, honesty and trust are important. All applicable if their partner doesn't know of course! We wouldn't meet either. We wouldn't even knowingly socialise with them | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over! "Try to write that you are looking for only and exclusively married men, maybe it works. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Wonder how many couples or females would be happy to meet a married female but not a married man ?" Really? Youre going with that? Won't knowingly meet cheats isn't gender spesific. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Wonder how many couples or females would be happy to meet a married female but not a married man ? Really? Youre going with that? Won't knowingly meet cheats isn't gender spesific." You've not read the men cheating and the women cheating threads then haha | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Wonder how many couples or females would be happy to meet a married female but not a married man ? We guess the ones who do not feel respect, dignity, honesty and trust are important. All applicable if their partner doesn't know of course! We wouldn't meet either. We wouldn't even knowingly socialise with them" You're making assumptions about a lot of people when you don't know their situations. I choose not to play with attached men, that doesn't mean I think they're all evil human beings. It's wrong to say that those who are playing away have no respect, dignity, honesty or trust. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Wonder how many couples or females would be happy to meet a married female but not a married man ? We guess the ones who do not feel respect, dignity, honesty and trust are important. All applicable if their partner doesn't know of course! We wouldn't meet either. We wouldn't even knowingly socialise with them You're making assumptions about a lot of people when you don't know their situations. I choose not to play with attached men, that doesn't mean I think they're all evil human beings. It's wrong to say that those who are playing away have no respect, dignity, honesty or trust. " I'll be the first to agree that relationships are not always easy but if you cant sort your shit out at home, what are you doing on a swinging website? If someone is willing to betray their spouse's trust and potentially tear apart their own family for a quick shag with the exuse they are missing something at home, I'm not seeing why we should assume they are a well rounded individual. I can't see a valid excuse for it and I can't see how someone so willing to lie to their partner can be considered honest? Get a divorce or be open, honest and accept the consequences. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I do read profiles..I am married and my wife doesn't know however if it specifically states no married/attached men then I won't message them..I appreciate their preferences and with ladies I do message I am up front and honest with them and say if it is an issue I understand. " What he said ^^ | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Wonder how many couples or females would be happy to meet a married female but not a married man ? We guess the ones who do not feel respect, dignity, honesty and trust are important. All applicable if their partner doesn't know of course! We wouldn't meet either. We wouldn't even knowingly socialise with them You're making assumptions about a lot of people when you don't know their situations. I choose not to play with attached men, that doesn't mean I think they're all evil human beings. It's wrong to say that those who are playing away have no respect, dignity, honesty or trust. " We don't think it is wrong. It is disrespectful to think that you have the right to take away someone's freedom of choice. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over! "It's called the cycle of doom. They don't read, or they choose to ignore your clear preferences, so you make things a little clearer, they still chance their arm, SO YOU MAKE THINGS EVEN CLEARER, then they call you a ranty bitch! They're a bit like mosquitos during a summer's evening picnic, you can spoil the atmosphere by going full Tonto on them, or just keep calm and brush them away - all zen like | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Wonder how many couples or females would be happy to meet a married female but not a married man ? We guess the ones who do not feel respect, dignity, honesty and trust are important. All applicable if their partner doesn't know of course! We wouldn't meet either. We wouldn't even knowingly socialise with them You're making assumptions about a lot of people when you don't know their situations. I choose not to play with attached men, that doesn't mean I think they're all evil human beings. It's wrong to say that those who are playing away have no respect, dignity, honesty or trust. I'll be the first to agree that relationships are not always easy but if you cant sort your shit out at home, what are you doing on a swinging website? If someone is willing to betray their spouse's trust and potentially tear apart their own family for a quick shag with the exuse they are missing something at home, I'm not seeing why we should assume they are a well rounded individual. I can't see a valid excuse for it and I can't see how someone so willing to lie to their partner can be considered honest? Get a divorce or be open, honest and accept the consequences. " I'm not excusing it. But I am not making value judgements of people when I don't know their circumstances. It's a very black and white approach and life is shades of grey. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I'm not excusing it. But I am not making value judgements of people when I don't know their circumstances. It's a very black and white approach and life is shades of grey. " 50 of them apparently | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Wonder how many couples or females would be happy to meet a married female but not a married man ? We guess the ones who do not feel respect, dignity, honesty and trust are important. All applicable if their partner doesn't know of course! We wouldn't meet either. We wouldn't even knowingly socialise with them You're making assumptions about a lot of people when you don't know their situations. I choose not to play with attached men, that doesn't mean I think they're all evil human beings. It's wrong to say that those who are playing away have no respect, dignity, honesty or trust. I'll be the first to agree that relationships are not always easy but if you cant sort your shit out at home, what are you doing on a swinging website? If someone is willing to betray their spouse's trust and potentially tear apart their own family for a quick shag with the exuse they are missing something at home, I'm not seeing why we should assume they are a well rounded individual. I can't see a valid excuse for it and I can't see how someone so willing to lie to their partner can be considered honest? Get a divorce or be open, honest and accept the consequences. I'm not excusing it. But I am not making value judgements of people when I don't know their circumstances. It's a very black and white approach and life is shades of grey. " I don't think there are shades of grey to cheating - you are either are a cheat or not. People will of course conjure up all sorts of excuses and justifications, but it still boils down to one or the other. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Wonder how many couples or females would be happy to meet a married female but not a married man ? We guess the ones who do not feel respect, dignity, honesty and trust are important. All applicable if their partner doesn't know of course! We wouldn't meet either. We wouldn't even knowingly socialise with them You're making assumptions about a lot of people when you don't know their situations. I choose not to play with attached men, that doesn't mean I think they're all evil human beings. It's wrong to say that those who are playing away have no respect, dignity, honesty or trust. I'll be the first to agree that relationships are not always easy but if you cant sort your shit out at home, what are you doing on a swinging website? If someone is willing to betray their spouse's trust and potentially tear apart their own family for a quick shag with the exuse they are missing something at home, I'm not seeing why we should assume they are a well rounded individual. I can't see a valid excuse for it and I can't see how someone so willing to lie to their partner can be considered honest? Get a divorce or be open, honest and accept the consequences. I'm not excusing it. But I am not making value judgements of people when I don't know their circumstances. It's a very black and white approach and life is shades of grey. I don't think there are shades of grey to cheating - you are either are a cheat or not. People will of course conjure up all sorts of excuses and justifications, but it still boils down to one or the other." Perfectly true. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Wonder how many couples or females would be happy to meet a married female but not a married man ? We guess the ones who do not feel respect, dignity, honesty and trust are important. All applicable if their partner doesn't know of course! We wouldn't meet either. We wouldn't even knowingly socialise with them You're making assumptions about a lot of people when you don't know their situations. I choose not to play with attached men, that doesn't mean I think they're all evil human beings. It's wrong to say that those who are playing away have no respect, dignity, honesty or trust. I'll be the first to agree that relationships are not always easy but if you cant sort your shit out at home, what are you doing on a swinging website? If someone is willing to betray their spouse's trust and potentially tear apart their own family for a quick shag with the exuse they are missing something at home, I'm not seeing why we should assume they are a well rounded individual. I can't see a valid excuse for it and I can't see how someone so willing to lie to their partner can be considered honest? Get a divorce or be open, honest and accept the consequences. I'm not excusing it. But I am not making value judgements of people when I don't know their circumstances. It's a very black and white approach and life is shades of grey. I don't think there are shades of grey to cheating - you are either are a cheat or not. People will of course conjure up all sorts of excuses and justifications, but it still boils down to one or the other." Not really what I said. But obviously people are intent on getting in their judgments. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" Not really what I said. But obviously people are intent on getting in their judgments. " Well, without it sounding like you're getting piled on, you're the one who said: "I'm not excusing it. But I am not making value judgements of people when I don't know their circumstances. It's a very black and white approach and life is shades of grey." I'll be the first to agree life isn't black and white but in the context of swinging it, it is. As was said, you're either a cheat or you are not. What possible cheating scenario would you think gets a free pass on the swinging scene? | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" Not really what I said. But obviously people are intent on getting in their judgments. Well, without it sounding like you're getting piled on, you're the one who said: "I'm not excusing it. But I am not making value judgements of people when I don't know their circumstances. It's a very black and white approach and life is shades of grey." I'll be the first to agree life isn't black and white but in the context of swinging it, it is. As was said, you're either a cheat or you are not. What possible cheating scenario would you think gets a free pass on the swinging scene? " I don't care if I get piled on. I don't cheat. I don't play with those who do. But I see no need in making the kind of generalised value judgements of people without any knowledge of the circumstances. Because I have come across enough stories to know that life (and cheating) is not black and white. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" Not really what I said. But obviously people are intent on getting in their judgments. Well, without it sounding like you're getting piled on, you're the one who said: "I'm not excusing it. But I am not making value judgements of people when I don't know their circumstances. It's a very black and white approach and life is shades of grey." I'll be the first to agree life isn't black and white but in the context of swinging it, it is. As was said, you're either a cheat or you are not. What possible cheating scenario would you think gets a free pass on the swinging scene? I don't care if I get piled on. I don't cheat. I don't play with those who do. But I see no need in making the kind of generalised value judgements of people without any knowledge of the circumstances. Because I have come across enough stories to know that life (and cheating) is not black and white. " That's not answering my question. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" Not really what I said. But obviously people are intent on getting in their judgments. Well, without it sounding like you're getting piled on, you're the one who said: "I'm not excusing it. But I am not making value judgements of people when I don't know their circumstances. It's a very black and white approach and life is shades of grey." I'll be the first to agree life isn't black and white but in the context of swinging it, it is. As was said, you're either a cheat or you are not. What possible cheating scenario would you think gets a free pass on the swinging scene? I don't care if I get piled on. I don't cheat. I don't play with those who do. But I see no need in making the kind of generalised value judgements of people without any knowledge of the circumstances. Because I have come across enough stories to know that life (and cheating) is not black and white. That's not answering my question. " I'm not getting into this with people on this thread who will argue until the end of time. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" Not really what I said. But obviously people are intent on getting in their judgments. Well, without it sounding like you're getting piled on, you're the one who said: "I'm not excusing it. But I am not making value judgements of people when I don't know their circumstances. It's a very black and white approach and life is shades of grey." I'll be the first to agree life isn't black and white but in the context of swinging it, it is. As was said, you're either a cheat or you are not. What possible cheating scenario would you think gets a free pass on the swinging scene? " A question we have also asked many times. You will sadly find that there won't be many volunteering an answer. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" Not really what I said. But obviously people are intent on getting in their judgments. Well, without it sounding like you're getting piled on, you're the one who said: "I'm not excusing it. But I am not making value judgements of people when I don't know their circumstances. It's a very black and white approach and life is shades of grey." I'll be the first to agree life isn't black and white but in the context of swinging it, it is. As was said, you're either a cheat or you are not. What possible cheating scenario would you think gets a free pass on the swinging scene? I don't care if I get piled on. I don't cheat. I don't play with those who do. But I see no need in making the kind of generalised value judgements of people without any knowledge of the circumstances. Because I have come across enough stories to know that life (and cheating) is not black and white. That's not answering my question. I'm not getting into this with people on this thread who will argue until the end of time. " So, you're calling people out for having morals, argue they are wrong and when asked for an example, you bail and say everyone else is argumentative? Yeah ok. Conversation over. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" Not really what I said. But obviously people are intent on getting in their judgments. Well, without it sounding like you're getting piled on, you're the one who said: "I'm not excusing it. But I am not making value judgements of people when I don't know their circumstances. It's a very black and white approach and life is shades of grey." I'll be the first to agree life isn't black and white but in the context of swinging it, it is. As was said, you're either a cheat or you are not. What possible cheating scenario would you think gets a free pass on the swinging scene? A question we have also asked many times. You will sadly find that there won't be many volunteering an answer. " I've seen the pile on they get. Don't see why people would volunteer for that. Do you? You'd | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" Not really what I said. But obviously people are intent on getting in their judgments. Well, without it sounding like you're getting piled on, you're the one who said: "I'm not excusing it. But I am not making value judgements of people when I don't know their circumstances. It's a very black and white approach and life is shades of grey." I'll be the first to agree life isn't black and white but in the context of swinging it, it is. As was said, you're either a cheat or you are not. What possible cheating scenario would you think gets a free pass on the swinging scene? I don't care if I get piled on. I don't cheat. I don't play with those who do. But I see no need in making the kind of generalised value judgements of people without any knowledge of the circumstances. Because I have come across enough stories to know that life (and cheating) is not black and white. That's not answering my question. I'm not getting into this with people on this thread who will argue until the end of time. So, you're calling people out for having morals, argue they are wrong and when asked for an example, you bail and say everyone else is argumentative? Yeah ok. Conversation over. "Where have I called people out? For anything? I've said I don't see the need to make value judgements. That no-one can know the whole picture of a relationship. You're looking for a fight. I'm not giving it to you. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" Not really what I said. But obviously people are intent on getting in their judgments. Well, without it sounding like you're getting piled on, you're the one who said: "I'm not excusing it. But I am not making value judgements of people when I don't know their circumstances. It's a very black and white approach and life is shades of grey." I'll be the first to agree life isn't black and white but in the context of swinging it, it is. As was said, you're either a cheat or you are not. What possible cheating scenario would you think gets a free pass on the swinging scene? A question we have also asked many times. You will sadly find that there won't be many volunteering an answer. I've seen the pile on they get. Don't see why people would volunteer for that. Do you? You'd " Usually because the answers are utter nonsense. Let's be honest now, which itself sounds a funny statement, in no walk of life is cheating acceptable. Not saying it doesn't happen, and that people aren't allowed to choose. But by simply choosing to cheat, then denying the partner the right to exercise their choice. How is that acceptable. Then they are saying they love their partners! Really?? If someone cheats on their unsuspecting partner, what response do they honestly expect?? | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" Not really what I said. But obviously people are intent on getting in their judgments. Well, without it sounding like you're getting piled on, you're the one who said: "I'm not excusing it. But I am not making value judgements of people when I don't know their circumstances. It's a very black and white approach and life is shades of grey." I'll be the first to agree life isn't black and white but in the context of swinging it, it is. As was said, you're either a cheat or you are not. What possible cheating scenario would you think gets a free pass on the swinging scene? A question we have also asked many times. You will sadly find that there won't be many volunteering an answer. I've seen the pile on they get. Don't see why people would volunteer for that. Do you? You'd Usually because the answers are utter nonsense. Let's be honest now, which itself sounds a funny statement, in no walk of life is cheating acceptable. Not saying it doesn't happen, and that people aren't allowed to choose. But by simply choosing to cheat, then denying the partner the right to exercise their choice. How is that acceptable. Then they are saying they love their partners! Really?? If someone cheats on their unsuspecting partner, what response do they honestly expect??" Proving my point. Again. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"We actually prefer married lads !" Interesting | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over! "They rarely read profiles!!! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
 | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Interesting the word "cheat" gets used in this context, implying a relationship is some sort of game to be won. Presumably, with a winner and a loser at the end. What I also find interesting is the black and white judgement, and opinions such as "if they are willing to tear a family apart for a shag..." Have we ever stopped to wonder: Why so many men "cheat"..? Its very common apparently. In any other walk of life you would look at an extremely prevalent occurrence of an undesirable outcome and deduce there is something inherently wrong causing these outcomes. Why are there so many single parent families or step parents etc if mate for life monogamy was the natural way of things? Why does religion and state both pile pressure on the nuclear family model, introducing incentives, legal contracts etc? Why the need for that sort of pressure and interference if that was the natural order for humans? Why does society generally (not always granted) judge men so harshly with infidelity, putting the blame squarely on them, no matter which partner was unfaithful? The man is usually a cheating rat, or the woman did well to get rid of the waster and move on. The idea that the nuclear family model and lifetime monogamy is the "right" way to be is demonstrably false in the face of the evidence. So why risk being unfaithful? I cannot speak for everyone. But from my own experience, you enter into a societally dictated traditional monogamous relationship. Time moves on, the honeymoon period is over, one or both partners lose their libido for the other. We are told this as normal in a relationship and garnish it with poetic crap about being one tree and having something deeper. But what of the partner who still has a libido? Still wants, or needs, sex? They are rejected by their life partner on a physical level, but perhaps the rest of the relationship is wonderful, maybe they have kids, or whatever. But the resentment festers over time. You share your fantasies and desires and they are firmly rebuffed. Basic sex is almost off the table entirely, your kinks and wants are firmly off the menu for good. Whats more, the things that were on the cards at the beginning have dropped off. Even a BJ is out of the question now where it wasn't before. You wonder if it's you. You are assured not. You lose weight, you look after your appearance, you buy her sexy underwear and make more effort, more than yiu ever did in the beginning. No change. So what are the solutions? Talking. That might work, but it probably won't. You can stress the importance of sex. You can attempt to address the things that might, on the surface, seem to be getting in the way. You bend over backwards to fix the unfixable. You try therapy, counselling, you listen to your partner, their needs, you make time for sex, you make time for them to unwind. You unburden them of as many stresses and strains as you can. You take over as many household chores as possible, you make them the centre of everything yiu do, you try romance, date nights, weekends away, and it is wonderful, you bond so much as friends yet the physical desire just does not come. You sort yourself out physically. Masturbating over porn on the quiet might see to the short term urges, but emotionally it is damaging, degrading even. Emasculating. Resentment broods. You feel that your needs are neglected, ignored. But you cannot force someone to want to have sex with you. Their body, their choice. You feel this issue straining at the relationship, the relationship that is otherwise wonderful, that you do not want to end. But you know it will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you "cheat"..? You try. You find the sex you need. It does not affect the love you have for your partner, nor the desire you feel for them. The guilt cripples you, the judgement from others burns deep, to them you are just another cheating rat of a man. You know you will likely get caught one day, which will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you walk away? Tear the relationship to pieces and, most likely, never meet someone as wonderful again. You destroy your family no matter what you do. You might despise "cheaters" with every fibre of your being. But society is as dishonest as people who are unfaithful, and until we look inward at our own behaviours and our own attitudes to one another within a relationship, and address that, our judgement of those who are unfaithful cannot hold water. It is rare when a relationship ends (and it is important here we filter out abusive relationships as they are a different kettle of fish entirely) because of the actions of just one party. To suggest otherwise is disingenuous at best. In short, don't be too quick to judge. "What a long way of saying a man’s sexual needs are more important than his love for his wife! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Interesting the word "cheat" gets used in this context, implying a relationship is some sort of game to be won. Presumably, with a winner and a loser at the end. What I also find interesting is the black and white judgement, and opinions such as "if they are willing to tear a family apart for a shag..." Have we ever stopped to wonder: Why so many men "cheat"..? Its very common apparently. In any other walk of life you would look at an extremely prevalent occurrence of an undesirable outcome and deduce there is something inherently wrong causing these outcomes. Why are there so many single parent families or step parents etc if mate for life monogamy was the natural way of things? Why does religion and state both pile pressure on the nuclear family model, introducing incentives, legal contracts etc? Why the need for that sort of pressure and interference if that was the natural order for humans? Why does society generally (not always granted) judge men so harshly with infidelity, putting the blame squarely on them, no matter which partner was unfaithful? The man is usually a cheating rat, or the woman did well to get rid of the waster and move on. The idea that the nuclear family model and lifetime monogamy is the "right" way to be is demonstrably false in the face of the evidence. So why risk being unfaithful? I cannot speak for everyone. But from my own experience, you enter into a societally dictated traditional monogamous relationship. Time moves on, the honeymoon period is over, one or both partners lose their libido for the other. We are told this as normal in a relationship and garnish it with poetic crap about being one tree and having something deeper. But what of the partner who still has a libido? Still wants, or needs, sex? They are rejected by their life partner on a physical level, but perhaps the rest of the relationship is wonderful, maybe they have kids, or whatever. But the resentment festers over time. You share your fantasies and desires and they are firmly rebuffed. Basic sex is almost off the table entirely, your kinks and wants are firmly off the menu for good. Whats more, the things that were on the cards at the beginning have dropped off. Even a BJ is out of the question now where it wasn't before. You wonder if it's you. You are assured not. You lose weight, you look after your appearance, you buy her sexy underwear and make more effort, more than yiu ever did in the beginning. No change. So what are the solutions? Talking. That might work, but it probably won't. You can stress the importance of sex. You can attempt to address the things that might, on the surface, seem to be getting in the way. You bend over backwards to fix the unfixable. You try therapy, counselling, you listen to your partner, their needs, you make time for sex, you make time for them to unwind. You unburden them of as many stresses and strains as you can. You take over as many household chores as possible, you make them the centre of everything yiu do, you try romance, date nights, weekends away, and it is wonderful, you bond so much as friends yet the physical desire just does not come. You sort yourself out physically. Masturbating over porn on the quiet might see to the short term urges, but emotionally it is damaging, degrading even. Emasculating. Resentment broods. You feel that your needs are neglected, ignored. But you cannot force someone to want to have sex with you. Their body, their choice. You feel this issue straining at the relationship, the relationship that is otherwise wonderful, that you do not want to end. But you know it will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you "cheat"..? You try. You find the sex you need. It does not affect the love you have for your partner, nor the desire you feel for them. The guilt cripples you, the judgement from others burns deep, to them you are just another cheating rat of a man. You know you will likely get caught one day, which will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you walk away? Tear the relationship to pieces and, most likely, never meet someone as wonderful again. You destroy your family no matter what you do. You might despise "cheaters" with every fibre of your being. But society is as dishonest as people who are unfaithful, and until we look inward at our own behaviours and our own attitudes to one another within a relationship, and address that, our judgement of those who are unfaithful cannot hold water. It is rare when a relationship ends (and it is important here we filter out abusive relationships as they are a different kettle of fish entirely) because of the actions of just one party. To suggest otherwise is disingenuous at best. In short, don't be too quick to judge.
What a long way of saying a man’s sexual needs are more important than his love for his wife! "What a wonderful way to spectacularly miss the point on every single level it was made (or perhaps dismissing one partners needs as irrelevant and unimportant?) while absolitely beautifully demonstrating my point that ignoring your partners needs can only lead to disaster. Its not a case of sexual needs being more important, it is a case of those needs being an intrinsic part of that love. A relationship is a two way street, after all. A mans needs is no less important than the woman's needs. Neither one owns the other. I find it really, really telling that what you responded is your takeaway from what I wrote. I would also like to point out that the scenario is not exclusive to men. I was careful to make it as gender neutral as possible. The gist of what I wrote actually came from a married woman I was having sex with (the one who verified me as it happens). | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Interesting the word "cheat" gets used in this context, implying a relationship is some sort of game to be won. Presumably, with a winner and a loser at the end. What I also find interesting is the black and white judgement, and opinions such as "if they are willing to tear a family apart for a shag..." Have we ever stopped to wonder: Why so many men "cheat"..? Its very common apparently. In any other walk of life you would look at an extremely prevalent occurrence of an undesirable outcome and deduce there is something inherently wrong causing these outcomes. Why are there so many single parent families or step parents etc if mate for life monogamy was the natural way of things? Why does religion and state both pile pressure on the nuclear family model, introducing incentives, legal contracts etc? Why the need for that sort of pressure and interference if that was the natural order for humans? Why does society generally (not always granted) judge men so harshly with infidelity, putting the blame squarely on them, no matter which partner was unfaithful? The man is usually a cheating rat, or the woman did well to get rid of the waster and move on. The idea that the nuclear family model and lifetime monogamy is the "right" way to be is demonstrably false in the face of the evidence. So why risk being unfaithful? I cannot speak for everyone. But from my own experience, you enter into a societally dictated traditional monogamous relationship. Time moves on, the honeymoon period is over, one or both partners lose their libido for the other. We are told this as normal in a relationship and garnish it with poetic crap about being one tree and having something deeper. But what of the partner who still has a libido? Still wants, or needs, sex? They are rejected by their life partner on a physical level, but perhaps the rest of the relationship is wonderful, maybe they have kids, or whatever. But the resentment festers over time. You share your fantasies and desires and they are firmly rebuffed. Basic sex is almost off the table entirely, your kinks and wants are firmly off the menu for good. Whats more, the things that were on the cards at the beginning have dropped off. Even a BJ is out of the question now where it wasn't before. You wonder if it's you. You are assured not. You lose weight, you look after your appearance, you buy her sexy underwear and make more effort, more than yiu ever did in the beginning. No change. So what are the solutions? Talking. That might work, but it probably won't. You can stress the importance of sex. You can attempt to address the things that might, on the surface, seem to be getting in the way. You bend over backwards to fix the unfixable. You try therapy, counselling, you listen to your partner, their needs, you make time for sex, you make time for them to unwind. You unburden them of as many stresses and strains as you can. You take over as many household chores as possible, you make them the centre of everything yiu do, you try romance, date nights, weekends away, and it is wonderful, you bond so much as friends yet the physical desire just does not come. You sort yourself out physically. Masturbating over porn on the quiet might see to the short term urges, but emotionally it is damaging, degrading even. Emasculating. Resentment broods. You feel that your needs are neglected, ignored. But you cannot force someone to want to have sex with you. Their body, their choice. You feel this issue straining at the relationship, the relationship that is otherwise wonderful, that you do not want to end. But you know it will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you "cheat"..? You try. You find the sex you need. It does not affect the love you have for your partner, nor the desire you feel for them. The guilt cripples you, the judgement from others burns deep, to them you are just another cheating rat of a man. You know you will likely get caught one day, which will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you walk away? Tear the relationship to pieces and, most likely, never meet someone as wonderful again. You destroy your family no matter what you do. You might despise "cheaters" with every fibre of your being. But society is as dishonest as people who are unfaithful, and until we look inward at our own behaviours and our own attitudes to one another within a relationship, and address that, our judgement of those who are unfaithful cannot hold water. It is rare when a relationship ends (and it is important here we filter out abusive relationships as they are a different kettle of fish entirely) because of the actions of just one party. To suggest otherwise is disingenuous at best. In short, don't be too quick to judge. "If someone resents their partner or is just staying for the kids - it won’t work. It’s not right to keep your partner in a relationship where they have no clue you’re seeking sex elsewhere | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Interesting the word "cheat" gets used in this context, implying a relationship is some sort of game to be won. Presumably, with a winner and a loser at the end. What I also find interesting is the black and white judgement, and opinions such as "if they are willing to tear a family apart for a shag..." Have we ever stopped to wonder: Why so many men "cheat"..? Its very common apparently. In any other walk of life you would look at an extremely prevalent occurrence of an undesirable outcome and deduce there is something inherently wrong causing these outcomes. Why are there so many single parent families or step parents etc if mate for life monogamy was the natural way of things? Why does religion and state both pile pressure on the nuclear family model, introducing incentives, legal contracts etc? Why the need for that sort of pressure and interference if that was the natural order for humans? Why does society generally (not always granted) judge men so harshly with infidelity, putting the blame squarely on them, no matter which partner was unfaithful? The man is usually a cheating rat, or the woman did well to get rid of the waster and move on. The idea that the nuclear family model and lifetime monogamy is the "right" way to be is demonstrably false in the face of the evidence. So why risk being unfaithful? I cannot speak for everyone. But from my own experience, you enter into a societally dictated traditional monogamous relationship. Time moves on, the honeymoon period is over, one or both partners lose their libido for the other. We are told this as normal in a relationship and garnish it with poetic crap about being one tree and having something deeper. But what of the partner who still has a libido? Still wants, or needs, sex? They are rejected by their life partner on a physical level, but perhaps the rest of the relationship is wonderful, maybe they have kids, or whatever. But the resentment festers over time. You share your fantasies and desires and they are firmly rebuffed. Basic sex is almost off the table entirely, your kinks and wants are firmly off the menu for good. Whats more, the things that were on the cards at the beginning have dropped off. Even a BJ is out of the question now where it wasn't before. You wonder if it's you. You are assured not. You lose weight, you look after your appearance, you buy her sexy underwear and make more effort, more than yiu ever did in the beginning. No change. So what are the solutions? Talking. That might work, but it probably won't. You can stress the importance of sex. You can attempt to address the things that might, on the surface, seem to be getting in the way. You bend over backwards to fix the unfixable. You try therapy, counselling, you listen to your partner, their needs, you make time for sex, you make time for them to unwind. You unburden them of as many stresses and strains as you can. You take over as many household chores as possible, you make them the centre of everything yiu do, you try romance, date nights, weekends away, and it is wonderful, you bond so much as friends yet the physical desire just does not come. You sort yourself out physically. Masturbating over porn on the quiet might see to the short term urges, but emotionally it is damaging, degrading even. Emasculating. Resentment broods. You feel that your needs are neglected, ignored. But you cannot force someone to want to have sex with you. Their body, their choice. You feel this issue straining at the relationship, the relationship that is otherwise wonderful, that you do not want to end. But you know it will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you "cheat"..? You try. You find the sex you need. It does not affect the love you have for your partner, nor the desire you feel for them. The guilt cripples you, the judgement from others burns deep, to them you are just another cheating rat of a man. You know you will likely get caught one day, which will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you walk away? Tear the relationship to pieces and, most likely, never meet someone as wonderful again. You destroy your family no matter what you do. You might despise "cheaters" with every fibre of your being. But society is as dishonest as people who are unfaithful, and until we look inward at our own behaviours and our own attitudes to one another within a relationship, and address that, our judgement of those who are unfaithful cannot hold water. It is rare when a relationship ends (and it is important here we filter out abusive relationships as they are a different kettle of fish entirely) because of the actions of just one party. To suggest otherwise is disingenuous at best. In short, don't be too quick to judge.
If someone resents their partner or is just staying for the kids - it won’t work.
It’s not right to keep your partner in a relationship where they have no clue you’re seeking sex elsewhere"I dont disagree with you. But there really isnt a "mature" choice to make. The net result is a destroyed relationship no matter which way you cut it, and somehow, the mans fault no matter which way society judges it, what with that scummy mans sexual needs being more important than his partner... | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Interesting the word "cheat" gets used in this context, implying a relationship is some sort of game to be won. Presumably, with a winner and a loser at the end. What I also find interesting is the black and white judgement, and opinions such as "if they are willing to tear a family apart for a shag..." Have we ever stopped to wonder: Why so many men "cheat"..? Its very common apparently. In any other walk of life you would look at an extremely prevalent occurrence of an undesirable outcome and deduce there is something inherently wrong causing these outcomes. Why are there so many single parent families or step parents etc if mate for life monogamy was the natural way of things? Why does religion and state both pile pressure on the nuclear family model, introducing incentives, legal contracts etc? Why the need for that sort of pressure and interference if that was the natural order for humans? Why does society generally (not always granted) judge men so harshly with infidelity, putting the blame squarely on them, no matter which partner was unfaithful? The man is usually a cheating rat, or the woman did well to get rid of the waster and move on. The idea that the nuclear family model and lifetime monogamy is the "right" way to be is demonstrably false in the face of the evidence. So why risk being unfaithful? I cannot speak for everyone. But from my own experience, you enter into a societally dictated traditional monogamous relationship. Time moves on, the honeymoon period is over, one or both partners lose their libido for the other. We are told this as normal in a relationship and garnish it with poetic crap about being one tree and having something deeper. But what of the partner who still has a libido? Still wants, or needs, sex? They are rejected by their life partner on a physical level, but perhaps the rest of the relationship is wonderful, maybe they have kids, or whatever. But the resentment festers over time. You share your fantasies and desires and they are firmly rebuffed. Basic sex is almost off the table entirely, your kinks and wants are firmly off the menu for good. Whats more, the things that were on the cards at the beginning have dropped off. Even a BJ is out of the question now where it wasn't before. You wonder if it's you. You are assured not. You lose weight, you look after your appearance, you buy her sexy underwear and make more effort, more than yiu ever did in the beginning. No change. So what are the solutions? Talking. That might work, but it probably won't. You can stress the importance of sex. You can attempt to address the things that might, on the surface, seem to be getting in the way. You bend over backwards to fix the unfixable. You try therapy, counselling, you listen to your partner, their needs, you make time for sex, you make time for them to unwind. You unburden them of as many stresses and strains as you can. You take over as many household chores as possible, you make them the centre of everything yiu do, you try romance, date nights, weekends away, and it is wonderful, you bond so much as friends yet the physical desire just does not come. You sort yourself out physically. Masturbating over porn on the quiet might see to the short term urges, but emotionally it is damaging, degrading even. Emasculating. Resentment broods. You feel that your needs are neglected, ignored. But you cannot force someone to want to have sex with you. Their body, their choice. You feel this issue straining at the relationship, the relationship that is otherwise wonderful, that you do not want to end. But you know it will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you "cheat"..? You try. You find the sex you need. It does not affect the love you have for your partner, nor the desire you feel for them. The guilt cripples you, the judgement from others burns deep, to them you are just another cheating rat of a man. You know you will likely get caught one day, which will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you walk away? Tear the relationship to pieces and, most likely, never meet someone as wonderful again. You destroy your family no matter what you do. You might despise "cheaters" with every fibre of your being. But society is as dishonest as people who are unfaithful, and until we look inward at our own behaviours and our own attitudes to one another within a relationship, and address that, our judgement of those who are unfaithful cannot hold water. It is rare when a relationship ends (and it is important here we filter out abusive relationships as they are a different kettle of fish entirely) because of the actions of just one party. To suggest otherwise is disingenuous at best. In short, don't be too quick to judge.
If someone resents their partner or is just staying for the kids - it won’t work.
It’s not right to keep your partner in a relationship where they have no clue you’re seeking sex elsewhere
I dont disagree with you. But there really isnt a "mature" choice to make. The net result is a destroyed relationship no matter which way you cut it, and somehow, the mans fault no matter which way society judges it, what with that scummy mans sexual needs being more important than his partner... "Your last sentence is your thoughts - I never said that. I know I for one would rather know sooner rather than later - like you say if the relationship will be destroyed anyway, I’d be devastated to find out it had been going on for however long when I could’ve moved on sooner | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"What about the maried woman on here that also play without there husbands knowing....that seems perfectly OK but if your a married male then god help you. Also rant over. " Yup. There are quite a few of them around. The double standards are rather amusing. At least I am honest about my situation and not one of these men who pretend to be single. Hasn't stopped one coward from here threatening me via kik a few weeks back, leaving me with no way to prove it was them, but I am 90% sure who it is. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"What about the maried woman on here that also play without there husbands knowing....that seems perfectly OK but if your a married male then god help you. Also rant over. Yup. There are quite a few of them around. The double standards are rather amusing. At least I am honest about my situation and not one of these men who pretend to be single. Hasn't stopped one coward from here threatening me via kik a few weeks back, leaving me with no way to prove it was them, but I am 90% sure who it is. " Your own post referred to men though! And for me it’s equally abhorrent, women are quieter about it though! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" Your last sentence is your thoughts - I never said that. I know I for one would rather know sooner rather than later - like you say if the relationship will be destroyed anyway, I’d be devastated to find out it had been going on for however long when I could’ve moved on sooner " I didnt say you did. That last sentence was aimed at the OP. Interesting you would only be devastated at finding out it had been going on a while and you could have moved on, rather than being devastated that your partner was screaming out for change and you ignored it or thought it would just go away, and could have done something to change the course of events. This is what I mean about honesty, and looking at things objectively and properly. It is very rarely one sided. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Interesting the word "cheat" gets used in this context, implying a relationship is some sort of game to be won. Presumably, with a winner and a loser at the end. What I also find interesting is the black and white judgement, and opinions such as "if they are willing to tear a family apart for a shag..." Have we ever stopped to wonder: Why so many men "cheat"..? Its very common apparently. In any other walk of life you would look at an extremely prevalent occurrence of an undesirable outcome and deduce there is something inherently wrong causing these outcomes. Why are there so many single parent families or step parents etc if mate for life monogamy was the natural way of things? Why does religion and state both pile pressure on the nuclear family model, introducing incentives, legal contracts etc? Why the need for that sort of pressure and interference if that was the natural order for humans? Why does society generally (not always granted) judge men so harshly with infidelity, putting the blame squarely on them, no matter which partner was unfaithful? The man is usually a cheating rat, or the woman did well to get rid of the waster and move on. The idea that the nuclear family model and lifetime monogamy is the "right" way to be is demonstrably false in the face of the evidence. So why risk being unfaithful? I cannot speak for everyone. But from my own experience, you enter into a societally dictated traditional monogamous relationship. Time moves on, the honeymoon period is over, one or both partners lose their libido for the other. We are told this as normal in a relationship and garnish it with poetic crap about being one tree and having something deeper. But what of the partner who still has a libido? Still wants, or needs, sex? They are rejected by their life partner on a physical level, but perhaps the rest of the relationship is wonderful, maybe they have kids, or whatever. But the resentment festers over time. You share your fantasies and desires and they are firmly rebuffed. Basic sex is almost off the table entirely, your kinks and wants are firmly off the menu for good. Whats more, the things that were on the cards at the beginning have dropped off. Even a BJ is out of the question now where it wasn't before. You wonder if it's you. You are assured not. You lose weight, you look after your appearance, you buy her sexy underwear and make more effort, more than yiu ever did in the beginning. No change. So what are the solutions? Talking. That might work, but it probably won't. You can stress the importance of sex. You can attempt to address the things that might, on the surface, seem to be getting in the way. You bend over backwards to fix the unfixable. You try therapy, counselling, you listen to your partner, their needs, you make time for sex, you make time for them to unwind. You unburden them of as many stresses and strains as you can. You take over as many household chores as possible, you make them the centre of everything yiu do, you try romance, date nights, weekends away, and it is wonderful, you bond so much as friends yet the physical desire just does not come. You sort yourself out physically. Masturbating over porn on the quiet might see to the short term urges, but emotionally it is damaging, degrading even. Emasculating. Resentment broods. You feel that your needs are neglected, ignored. But you cannot force someone to want to have sex with you. Their body, their choice. You feel this issue straining at the relationship, the relationship that is otherwise wonderful, that you do not want to end. But you know it will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you "cheat"..? You try. You find the sex you need. It does not affect the love you have for your partner, nor the desire you feel for them. The guilt cripples you, the judgement from others burns deep, to them you are just another cheating rat of a man. You know you will likely get caught one day, which will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you walk away? Tear the relationship to pieces and, most likely, never meet someone as wonderful again. You destroy your family no matter what you do. You might despise "cheaters" with every fibre of your being. But society is as dishonest as people who are unfaithful, and until we look inward at our own behaviours and our own attitudes to one another within a relationship, and address that, our judgement of those who are unfaithful cannot hold water. It is rare when a relationship ends (and it is important here we filter out abusive relationships as they are a different kettle of fish entirely) because of the actions of just one party. To suggest otherwise is disingenuous at best. In short, don't be too quick to judge. "If someone is dishonest to their own partner then why would any strangers on here or in the swinging world believe whatever sob story they come out with? Just shows they can't be trusted. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"What about the maried woman on here that also play without there husbands knowing....that seems perfectly OK but if your a married male then god help you. Also rant over. Yup. There are quite a few of them around. The double standards are rather amusing. At least I am honest about my situation and not one of these men who pretend to be single. Hasn't stopped one coward from here threatening me via kik a few weeks back, leaving me with no way to prove it was them, but I am 90% sure who it is. Your own post referred to men though! And for me it’s equally abhorrent, women are quieter about it though! " Fair enough. I'm quite sure you are one of the exceptions where a relationship(s) went wrong and it was absolutely none of your fault on any level. It is what it is. We are different people with different experiences of the world and different viewpoints. Not trying to talk you round, just trying to paint the colour into the black and white picture. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" Your last sentence is your thoughts - I never said that. I know I for one would rather know sooner rather than later - like you say if the relationship will be destroyed anyway, I’d be devastated to find out it had been going on for however long when I could’ve moved on sooner I didnt say you did. That last sentence was aimed at the OP. Interesting you would only be devastated at finding out it had been going on a while and you could have moved on, rather than being devastated that your partner was screaming out for change and you ignored it or thought it would just go away, and could have done something to change the course of events. This is what I mean about honesty, and looking at things objectively and properly. It is very rarely one sided. " I couldn’t forgive cheating. No matter what the reason, and I won’t apologise for that. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" Your last sentence is your thoughts - I never said that. I know I for one would rather know sooner rather than later - like you say if the relationship will be destroyed anyway, I’d be devastated to find out it had been going on for however long when I could’ve moved on sooner I didnt say you did. That last sentence was aimed at the OP. Interesting you would only be devastated at finding out it had been going on a while and you could have moved on, rather than being devastated that your partner was screaming out for change and you ignored it or thought it would just go away, and could have done something to change the course of events. This is what I mean about honesty, and looking at things objectively and properly. It is very rarely one sided. I couldn’t forgive cheating. No matter what the reason, and I won’t apologise for that. " Ditto for me too! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Interesting the word "cheat" gets used in this context, implying a relationship is some sort of game to be won. Presumably, with a winner and a loser at the end. What I also find interesting is the black and white judgement, and opinions such as "if they are willing to tear a family apart for a shag..." Have we ever stopped to wonder: Why so many men "cheat"..? Its very common apparently. In any other walk of life you would look at an extremely prevalent occurrence of an undesirable outcome and deduce there is something inherently wrong causing these outcomes. Why are there so many single parent families or step parents etc if mate for life monogamy was the natural way of things? Why does religion and state both pile pressure on the nuclear family model, introducing incentives, legal contracts etc? Why the need for that sort of pressure and interference if that was the natural order for humans? Why does society generally (not always granted) judge men so harshly with infidelity, putting the blame squarely on them, no matter which partner was unfaithful? The man is usually a cheating rat, or the woman did well to get rid of the waster and move on. The idea that the nuclear family model and lifetime monogamy is the "right" way to be is demonstrably false in the face of the evidence. So why risk being unfaithful? I cannot speak for everyone. But from my own experience, you enter into a societally dictated traditional monogamous relationship. Time moves on, the honeymoon period is over, one or both partners lose their libido for the other. We are told this as normal in a relationship and garnish it with poetic crap about being one tree and having something deeper. But what of the partner who still has a libido? Still wants, or needs, sex? They are rejected by their life partner on a physical level, but perhaps the rest of the relationship is wonderful, maybe they have kids, or whatever. But the resentment festers over time. You share your fantasies and desires and they are firmly rebuffed. Basic sex is almost off the table entirely, your kinks and wants are firmly off the menu for good. Whats more, the things that were on the cards at the beginning have dropped off. Even a BJ is out of the question now where it wasn't before. You wonder if it's you. You are assured not. You lose weight, you look after your appearance, you buy her sexy underwear and make more effort, more than yiu ever did in the beginning. No change. So what are the solutions? Talking. That might work, but it probably won't. You can stress the importance of sex. You can attempt to address the things that might, on the surface, seem to be getting in the way. You bend over backwards to fix the unfixable. You try therapy, counselling, you listen to your partner, their needs, you make time for sex, you make time for them to unwind. You unburden them of as many stresses and strains as you can. You take over as many household chores as possible, you make them the centre of everything yiu do, you try romance, date nights, weekends away, and it is wonderful, you bond so much as friends yet the physical desire just does not come. You sort yourself out physically. Masturbating over porn on the quiet might see to the short term urges, but emotionally it is damaging, degrading even. Emasculating. Resentment broods. You feel that your needs are neglected, ignored. But you cannot force someone to want to have sex with you. Their body, their choice. You feel this issue straining at the relationship, the relationship that is otherwise wonderful, that you do not want to end. But you know it will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you "cheat"..? You try. You find the sex you need. It does not affect the love you have for your partner, nor the desire you feel for them. The guilt cripples you, the judgement from others burns deep, to them you are just another cheating rat of a man. You know you will likely get caught one day, which will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you walk away? Tear the relationship to pieces and, most likely, never meet someone as wonderful again. You destroy your family no matter what you do. You might despise "cheaters" with every fibre of your being. But society is as dishonest as people who are unfaithful, and until we look inward at our own behaviours and our own attitudes to one another within a relationship, and address that, our judgement of those who are unfaithful cannot hold water. It is rare when a relationship ends (and it is important here we filter out abusive relationships as they are a different kettle of fish entirely) because of the actions of just one party. To suggest otherwise is disingenuous at best. In short, don't be too quick to judge.
What a long way of saying a man’s sexual needs are more important than his love for his wife!
What a wonderful way to spectacularly miss the point on every single level it was made (or perhaps dismissing one partners needs as irrelevant and unimportant?) while absolitely beautifully demonstrating my point that ignoring your partners needs can only lead to disaster. Its not a case of sexual needs being more important, it is a case of those needs being an intrinsic part of that love. A relationship is a two way street, after all. A mans needs is no less important than the woman's needs. Neither one owns the other.
I find it really, really telling that what you responded is your takeaway from what I wrote.
I would also like to point out that the scenario is not exclusive to men. I was careful to make it as gender neutral as possible. The gist of what I wrote actually came from a married woman I was having sex with (the one who verified me as it happens). "I have spoken to enough married men or ones who have had broken relationships to recognise the truth of this. I don't play with attached men as I don't want that on my conscience. But for anyone in a relationship - it's the loss of intimacy, of feeling desired that seems to matter more than the lack of sex. I've seen both sexes talk about how this effects them. I no longer underestimate the impact that has. I don't condone cheating but I do understand how some people get there. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"You only want understanding because you yourself are a cheat! I won’t apologise for thinking about others and not wanting to cause pain to someone else! There are many women who don’t care but I’m not one of them. Difference between married men and woman on here, women get on with it and men moan endlessly in the forums. Woe is me! Hence why women don’t get as much negative feedback." Fair enough. I'm quite sure you are one of the exceptions where a relationship(s) went wrong and it was absolutely none of your fault on any level. It is what it is. We are different people with different experiences of the world and different viewpoints. Not trying to talk you round, just trying to paint the colour into the black and white picture. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over! "Does it? | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" - it's the loss of intimacy, of feeling desired that seems to matter more than the lack of sex. I've seen both sexes talk about how this effects them. I no longer underestimate the impact that has. I don't condone cheating but I do understand how some people get there. " That there is what I put clumsily. I have had sex with quite a number of married / committed relationship women in my years, and it is the very same issue with them too. They got what they were missing with me and most are still married or in those relationships. Mine was not a "woe is me" story (thank you for seeing that), or an asking of acceptance or forgiveness or a means of justification, it is merely a candid insight into the road that leads here, for both sexes. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over!
Does it?"Profile text has changed since that message! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Really frustrating that many married men ignore profiles and message anyway. I would understand being approached if that wasn’t obvious. It’s clearly stated on my profile that I won’t meet attached men but still they message Rant over!
Does it?
Profile text has changed since that message! "Aha! Thought I was going mad.   | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"So is that ALL married men? Not all married men who are on here are cheating on their spouse. My wife and I have been in a non monogamous relationship for over 20 years but rarely meet people together as we found the dynamic rarely worked when trying to find someone to suit both our desires so we happily play independently of each other most of the time. " We both meet separately ourselves as well. My wife LOVES sending me out to meet other women and she likes meeting women in her own as well...or we meet as a 3sum. It's a big part of our kink. Everyone has their reasons for not meeting others but it sucks when so many single lady profiles on fab say "won't meet married men" because there is this mindset of "all men are cheats" or "not getting involved with people in relationships". So glad we do socials and clubs because fab just isn't what it used to be anymore. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"So is that ALL married men? Not all married men who are on here are cheating on their spouse. My wife and I have been in a non monogamous relationship for over 20 years but rarely meet people together as we found the dynamic rarely worked when trying to find someone to suit both our desires so we happily play independently of each other most of the time. We both meet separately ourselves as well. My wife LOVES sending me out to meet other women and she likes meeting women in her own as well...or we meet as a 3sum. It's a big part of our kink. Everyone has their reasons for not meeting others but it sucks when so many single lady profiles on fab say "won't meet married men" because there is this mindset of "all men are cheats" or "not getting involved with people in relationships". So glad we do socials and clubs because fab just isn't what it used to be anymore. " I meet married men if their partner is unaware. Not into meeting halves of swinging couples alone. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"So is that ALL married men? Not all married men who are on here are cheating on their spouse. My wife and I have been in a non monogamous relationship for over 20 years but rarely meet people together as we found the dynamic rarely worked when trying to find someone to suit both our desires so we happily play independently of each other most of the time. We both meet separately ourselves as well. My wife LOVES sending me out to meet other women and she likes meeting women in her own as well...or we meet as a 3sum. It's a big part of our kink. Everyone has their reasons for not meeting others but it sucks when so many single lady profiles on fab say "won't meet married men" because there is this mindset of "all men are cheats" or "not getting involved with people in relationships". So glad we do socials and clubs because fab just isn't what it used to be anymore. " I don’t think not meeting attached men means we think all men are cheats but in a lot of cases it’s simpler as we can’t know who has permission and who doesn’t. I played with couples the first time I joined until the male of the couple fell for me and left his wife. Singletons are simpler! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"So is that ALL married men? Not all married men who are on here are cheating on their spouse. My wife and I have been in a non monogamous relationship for over 20 years but rarely meet people together as we found the dynamic rarely worked when trying to find someone to suit both our desires so we happily play independently of each other most of the time. We both meet separately ourselves as well. My wife LOVES sending me out to meet other women and she likes meeting women in her own as well...or we meet as a 3sum. It's a big part of our kink. Everyone has their reasons for not meeting others but it sucks when so many single lady profiles on fab say "won't meet married men" because there is this mindset of "all men are cheats" or "not getting involved with people in relationships". So glad we do socials and clubs because fab just isn't what it used to be anymore. I don’t think not meeting attached men means we think all men are cheats but in a lot of cases it’s simpler as we can’t know who has permission and who doesn’t. I played with couples the first time I joined until the male of the couple fell for me and left his wife. Singletons are simpler! " Well, that's a fair enough stance. You had an experiance that changed your perspective. On the flip side, we've been enjoing this lifestyle for 25 years together. I can say with 100% certainly neither of us are falling for anyone else. We love each other. My problem isn't the not meeting married guys part. It's the assumption some people have on here that you're cheating. Iys happened many times to me on here but never my wife and it has got worse on fab in our experiance in recent years. Hence using clubs and socials more than fab. To be fair though, even meeting couples through fab at the moment isn't happening much either. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"So is that ALL married men? Not all married men who are on here are cheating on their spouse. My wife and I have been in a non monogamous relationship for over 20 years but rarely meet people together as we found the dynamic rarely worked when trying to find someone to suit both our desires so we happily play independently of each other most of the time. We both meet separately ourselves as well. My wife LOVES sending me out to meet other women and she likes meeting women in her own as well...or we meet as a 3sum. It's a big part of our kink. Everyone has their reasons for not meeting others but it sucks when so many single lady profiles on fab say "won't meet married men" because there is this mindset of "all men are cheats" or "not getting involved with people in relationships". So glad we do socials and clubs because fab just isn't what it used to be anymore. I don’t think not meeting attached men means we think all men are cheats but in a lot of cases it’s simpler as we can’t know who has permission and who doesn’t. I played with couples the first time I joined until the male of the couple fell for me and left his wife. Singletons are simpler! Well, that's a fair enough stance. You had an experiance that changed your perspective. On the flip side, we've been enjoing this lifestyle for 25 years together. I can say with 100% certainly neither of us are falling for anyone else. We love each other. My problem isn't the not meeting married guys part. It's the assumption some people have on here that you're cheating. Iys happened many times to me on here but never my wife and it has got worse on fab in our experiance in recent years. Hence using clubs and socials more than fab. To be fair though, even meeting couples through fab at the moment isn't happening much either." That’s surprising, wouldn’t think it would be an issue since you also have a couples account! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"So is that ALL married men? Not all married men who are on here are cheating on their spouse. My wife and I have been in a non monogamous relationship for over 20 years but rarely meet people together as we found the dynamic rarely worked when trying to find someone to suit both our desires so we happily play independently of each other most of the time. We both meet separately ourselves as well. My wife LOVES sending me out to meet other women and she likes meeting women in her own as well...or we meet as a 3sum. It's a big part of our kink. Everyone has their reasons for not meeting others but it sucks when so many single lady profiles on fab say "won't meet married men" because there is this mindset of "all men are cheats" or "not getting involved with people in relationships". So glad we do socials and clubs because fab just isn't what it used to be anymore. I don’t think not meeting attached men means we think all men are cheats but in a lot of cases it’s simpler as we can’t know who has permission and who doesn’t. I played with couples the first time I joined until the male of the couple fell for me and left his wife. Singletons are simpler! Well, that's a fair enough stance. You had an experiance that changed your perspective. On the flip side, we've been enjoing this lifestyle for 25 years together. I can say with 100% certainly neither of us are falling for anyone else. We love each other. My problem isn't the not meeting married guys part. It's the assumption some people have on here that you're cheating. Iys happened many times to me on here but never my wife and it has got worse on fab in our experiance in recent years. Hence using clubs and socials more than fab. To be fair though, even meeting couples through fab at the moment isn't happening much either. That’s surprising, wouldn’t think it would be an issue since you also have a couples account! " Dosent make a difference. If I message from my single account (which reffrences our couples account and i would make it clear in the first message anyway), I've had varied negative responses. From the "I dont meet cheats" to "Seems suspicious to me you are playing without your wife". If I message from our couples account and I'm playing solo (or trying to) It's the same thing. Why am.i trying to meet without my wife etc etc etc. So we hit a wall where we stopped bothering with fab. At this point we are using fab to keep in touch with people we have already met and doing everything else via socials and clubs. I don't know if it was lockdown or just a change in people's mindset on fab but swinging now vs swinging 3 years ago is very different. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Just putting it out there , so dont bite me. Have any couples thought that there is less risk of Sti with a married guy as i would imagine he would be very careful where as a single guy might be putting it about a lot more frequently ? I know thats probably not always the case, but i would imagine statistically it is correct that married guys would play safer than single guys. Regardless of condoms being used, they can split, or come off etc... its just a thought and would genuinley like to know couples thoughts about this and also ladies who play with their husbands permission. Thanks for reading everyone ." Nah married men can't get it up with a condom. They're used to bareback sex twice a year, birthday and Christmas.  | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Just putting it out there , so dont bite me. Have any couples thought that there is less risk of Sti with a married guy as i would imagine he would be very careful where as a single guy might be putting it about a lot more frequently ? I know thats probably not always the case, but i would imagine statistically it is correct that married guys would play safer than single guys. Regardless of condoms being used, they can split, or come off etc... its just a thought and would genuinley like to know couples thoughts about this and also ladies who play with their husbands permission. Thanks for reading everyone . Nah married men can't get it up with a condom. They're used to bareback sex twice a year, birthday and Christmas. "She attacks !!! What about new year? | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Just putting it out there , so dont bite me. Have any couples thought that there is less risk of Sti with a married guy as i would imagine he would be very careful where as a single guy might be putting it about a lot more frequently ? I know thats probably not always the case, but i would imagine statistically it is correct that married guys would play safer than single guys. Regardless of condoms being used, they can split, or come off etc... its just a thought and would genuinley like to know couples thoughts about this and also ladies who play with their husbands permission. Thanks for reading everyone ." I was in a monogamous relationship for 11 years, he cheated on me and he gave me chlamydia so that blows your theory out the water. Lucky me eh, not only was I cheated on, beaten up for getting close to the truth when I had suspicions, I also copped a dose for being faithful. And people wonder why I lack trust. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Just putting it out there , so dont bite me. Have any couples thought that there is less risk of Sti with a married guy as i would imagine he would be very careful where as a single guy might be putting it about a lot more frequently ? I know thats probably not always the case, but i would imagine statistically it is correct that married guys would play safer than single guys. Regardless of condoms being used, they can split, or come off etc... its just a thought and would genuinley like to know couples thoughts about this and also ladies who play with their husbands permission. Thanks for reading everyone . I was in a monogamous relationship for 11 years, he cheated on me and he gave me chlamydia so that blows your theory out the water. Lucky me eh, not only was I cheated on, beaten up for getting close to the truth when I had suspicions, I also copped a dose for being faithful. And people wonder why I lack trust." Beaten up - that is unforgivable | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Just putting it out there , so dont bite me. Have any couples thought that there is less risk of Sti with a married guy as i would imagine he would be very careful where as a single guy might be putting it about a lot more frequently ? I know thats probably not always the case, but i would imagine statistically it is correct that married guys would play safer than single guys. Regardless of condoms being used, they can split, or come off etc... its just a thought and would genuinley like to know couples thoughts about this and also ladies who play with their husbands permission. Thanks for reading everyone . Nah married men can't get it up with a condom. They're used to bareback sex twice a year, birthday and Christmas.
She attacks !!!
What about new year? "Fair point, on the shandy.   | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Just putting it out there , so dont bite me. Have any couples thought that there is less risk of Sti with a married guy as i would imagine he would be very careful where as a single guy might be putting it about a lot more frequently ? I know thats probably not always the case, but i would imagine statistically it is correct that married guys would play safer than single guys. Regardless of condoms being used, they can split, or come off etc... its just a thought and would genuinley like to know couples thoughts about this and also ladies who play with their husbands permission. Thanks for reading everyone . I was in a monogamous relationship for 11 years, he cheated on me and he gave me chlamydia so that blows your theory out the water. Lucky me eh, not only was I cheated on, beaten up for getting close to the truth when I had suspicions, I also copped a dose for being faithful. And people wonder why I lack trust. Beaten up - that is unforgivable " I found being given the clap more unforgivable than the beating. And that was the major beating night where I begged he finally killed me. You see, getting the shit kicked outta me I at least could put up some kinda fight, but getting chlamydia, that was a silent attack. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"They get off by telling you they’re married. They literally don’t need to disclose that information and you’d be none the wiser. " But what if things develop and you find out later.. bigger hurt right? Rather be up front and then go into something with your eyes wide open | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I think have to respect the wishes of what is written in a profile and stay away if someone expressly forbids writing to them… unless someone writes to said married man and he is intriguing in some weird and wonderful way "Haha yeah yeah I know! I’m not averse to married friends I just won’t fuck them | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Just putting it out there , so dont bite me. Have any couples thought that there is less risk of Sti with a married guy as i would imagine he would be very careful where as a single guy might be putting it about a lot more frequently ? I know thats probably not always the case, but i would imagine statistically it is correct that married guys would play safer than single guys. Regardless of condoms being used, they can split, or come off etc... its just a thought and would genuinley like to know couples thoughts about this and also ladies who play with their husbands permission. Thanks for reading everyone . I was in a monogamous relationship for 11 years, he cheated on me and he gave me chlamydia so that blows your theory out the water. Lucky me eh, not only was I cheated on, beaten up for getting close to the truth when I had suspicions, I also copped a dose for being faithful. And people wonder why I lack trust."  Oh god Peach. He is the very worst example. I've written here about insight into why people cheat because I don't think everyone cheats on their partner in as black, white and fucking ugly way as yours did with you. I could never excuse or condone what he did. I guess with the years I've started seeing more shades of grey. I want to see more shades of grey. If that makes any sense.  | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"They get off by telling you they’re married. They literally don’t need to disclose that information and you’d be none the wiser. " Some want to be literally open about their situation - I do not see men getting off on that. And I've had several guys on here admit it when pushed so I now ask up front and watch out for signs. I would much prefer if people put it in their profile and face up to the censure they may receive. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I agree. I say I won't meet attached men without meeting their other half and I still get messages. Same as people asking got meet now or bb. Auto delete from me for any of these." Anyone can meet my better half. She's always game to come along for the social. No one on fab ever takes us up on the offer hence our focus on socials and clubs now. And this is the point. Fab is so riddled with cheating spouses now, everyone has started seeing anyone in actual open marriages as huge as red flags. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"They get off by telling you they’re married. They literally don’t need to disclose that information and you’d be none the wiser. " I don't agree with this. I've had men message me and explain that they are married so that I have the choice whether to play with a married man or not. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Wonder how many couples or females would be happy to meet a married female but not a married man ? We guess the ones who do not feel respect, dignity, honesty and trust are important. All applicable if their partner doesn't know of course! We wouldn't meet either. We wouldn't even knowingly socialise with them You're making assumptions about a lot of people when you don't know their situations. I choose not to play with attached men, that doesn't mean I think they're all evil human beings. It's wrong to say that those who are playing away have no respect, dignity, honesty or trust. I'll be the first to agree that relationships are not always easy but if you cant sort your shit out at home, what are you doing on a swinging website? If someone is willing to betray their spouse's trust and potentially tear apart their own family for a quick shag with the exuse they are missing something at home, I'm not seeing why we should assume they are a well rounded individual. I can't see a valid excuse for it and I can't see how someone so willing to lie to their partner can be considered honest? Get a divorce or be open, honest and accept the consequences. " | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Interesting the word "cheat" gets used in this context, implying a relationship is some sort of game to be won. Presumably, with a winner and a loser at the end. What I also find interesting is the black and white judgement, and opinions such as "if they are willing to tear a family apart for a shag..." Have we ever stopped to wonder: Why so many men "cheat"..? Its very common apparently. In any other walk of life you would look at an extremely prevalent occurrence of an undesirable outcome and deduce there is something inherently wrong causing these outcomes. Why are there so many single parent families or step parents etc if mate for life monogamy was the natural way of things? Why does religion and state both pile pressure on the nuclear family model, introducing incentives, legal contracts etc? Why the need for that sort of pressure and interference if that was the natural order for humans? Why does society generally (not always granted) judge men so harshly with infidelity, putting the blame squarely on them, no matter which partner was unfaithful? The man is usually a cheating rat, or the woman did well to get rid of the waster and move on. The idea that the nuclear family model and lifetime monogamy is the "right" way to be is demonstrably false in the face of the evidence. So why risk being unfaithful? I cannot speak for everyone. But from my own experience, you enter into a societally dictated traditional monogamous relationship. Time moves on, the honeymoon period is over, one or both partners lose their libido for the other. We are told this as normal in a relationship and garnish it with poetic crap about being one tree and having something deeper. But what of the partner who still has a libido? Still wants, or needs, sex? They are rejected by their life partner on a physical level, but perhaps the rest of the relationship is wonderful, maybe they have kids, or whatever. But the resentment festers over time. You share your fantasies and desires and they are firmly rebuffed. Basic sex is almost off the table entirely, your kinks and wants are firmly off the menu for good. Whats more, the things that were on the cards at the beginning have dropped off. Even a BJ is out of the question now where it wasn't before. You wonder if it's you. You are assured not. You lose weight, you look after your appearance, you buy her sexy underwear and make more effort, more than yiu ever did in the beginning. No change. So what are the solutions? Talking. That might work, but it probably won't. You can stress the importance of sex. You can attempt to address the things that might, on the surface, seem to be getting in the way. You bend over backwards to fix the unfixable. You try therapy, counselling, you listen to your partner, their needs, you make time for sex, you make time for them to unwind. You unburden them of as many stresses and strains as you can. You take over as many household chores as possible, you make them the centre of everything yiu do, you try romance, date nights, weekends away, and it is wonderful, you bond so much as friends yet the physical desire just does not come. You sort yourself out physically. Masturbating over porn on the quiet might see to the short term urges, but emotionally it is damaging, degrading even. Emasculating. Resentment broods. You feel that your needs are neglected, ignored. But you cannot force someone to want to have sex with you. Their body, their choice. You feel this issue straining at the relationship, the relationship that is otherwise wonderful, that you do not want to end. But you know it will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you "cheat"..? You try. You find the sex you need. It does not affect the love you have for your partner, nor the desire you feel for them. The guilt cripples you, the judgement from others burns deep, to them you are just another cheating rat of a man. You know you will likely get caught one day, which will tear the relationship to pieces in the end. Do you walk away? Tear the relationship to pieces and, most likely, never meet someone as wonderful again. You destroy your family no matter what you do. You might despise "cheaters" with every fibre of your being. But society is as dishonest as people who are unfaithful, and until we look inward at our own behaviours and our own attitudes to one another within a relationship, and address that, our judgement of those who are unfaithful cannot hold water. It is rare when a relationship ends (and it is important here we filter out abusive relationships as they are a different kettle of fish entirely) because of the actions of just one party. To suggest otherwise is disingenuous at best. In short, don't be too quick to judge.
If someone resents their partner or is just staying for the kids - it won’t work.
It’s not right to keep your partner in a relationship where they have no clue you’re seeking sex elsewhere" | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
| |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Just putting it out there , so dont bite me. Have any couples thought that there is less risk of Sti with a married guy as i would imagine he would be very careful where as a single guy might be putting it about a lot more frequently ? I know thats probably not always the case, but i would imagine statistically it is correct that married guys would play safer than single guys. Regardless of condoms being used, they can split, or come off etc... its just a thought and would genuinley like to know couples thoughts about this and also ladies who play with their husbands permission. Thanks for reading everyone . I was in a monogamous relationship for 11 years, he cheated on me and he gave me chlamydia so that blows your theory out the water. Lucky me eh, not only was I cheated on, beaten up for getting close to the truth when I had suspicions, I also copped a dose for being faithful. And people wonder why I lack trust. Oh god Peach. He is the very worst example. I've written here about insight into why people cheat because I don't think everyone cheats on their partner in as black, white and fucking ugly way as yours did with you. I could never excuse or condone what he did. I guess with the years I've started seeing more shades of grey. I want to see more shades of grey. If that makes any sense. "I agree there are differing motivations behind it, sometimes a broken person in a toxic relationship receives a confidence boost from external interest for example. I can understand it stemming from there but still think it's wrong and don't believe they'll thank themselves for it in the longrun as they'll question their own trustworthiness and moral compass down the line which will likely impact their vision of their own worth, even though they think at the time they're doing it coz they're worth more than the toxicity of the relationship. So after him and me swearing off love forever, I met a dude from here who, against my own promise to myself not to trust again, I chose not to let my past define me and got into a relationship with him. He was separated. Well, after 2 years lockdown happened and it came to light that actually, he wasn't separate at all and now he wasn't working away all the time there was no way of finding excuses for both me and the wife. He put the final nail in my trust coffin. I unwittingly put his wife in the position where she probably suspected something was going on but couldn't prove it. I put his wife in the position where she was being lied to.... The way I was lied to years before. Still carry guilt 2 years on. Although I don't believe his intentions were to destroy lives, hopes and futures, that's the collateral damage that comes with the territory of dishonesty. The damage it does is deep and longlasting. It changes people forever. It impacts their future. I've been celibate since coz I won't even allow myself to be potentially lied to for sex. Nope. I'm worth more than that and if it means the only affection I'll get is the cat in the street shoving it's head into my calf coz it wants a fuss then so be it. Sad, fucking sad but the way it has to be for me. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
