FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > anyone explian?

anyone explian?

By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

What's the difference between people who have a rule of not playing on the first meet and simply saying sorry, you're not for me .. (you dont look anything like your profile) or something?

It just seems a bit pointless getting dressed up, making the effort travelling, being on time and making time for what is essentially a drink/chat with someone you do not know. All in the hope, that after it youll get a text of interest to come back for round 2? Rather than both knowing you like each other and enjoying the moment?

Youd go to all that trouble and be interested but for the sake of a rule not play.

It just strikes me as odd that if you wanted a night out - you'd go to the pub or a resataurant with your mates or whatever, rather than meeting up with someone who at some pont conversation will run dry but interest would be there?

And opinions?

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By *inkyScot22Man over a year ago

Anniesland

You sound like you've never been on a date?

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

Im not here to date though..

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I agree. I won't shag on a first meet unless they are my cup of tea but its definitely on the table from the off. I'm only on this site to get laid. If I make some friends along the way its a bonus.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've done many a social meet for coffee drinks and banter!

And I've fancied the pants off them - but enjoyed the chat first! And no matter how long it then takes to 'get jiggy' - I know then that we're on the same wavelength and it'll be a great 2nd meet!

Everyone's different - guess that's the joy of Fab - there's something for everyone!

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By *uby In StockingsTV/TS over a year ago

Cheadle

Whilst some people don't mind playing on the first meet, I think the majority of experienced people here prefer to get to know something about the person before playing, after all, we are not indiscriminate sex machines just waiting for the next tom dick harry or joan to come along are we now????

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

suely simply because you dodnt make good conversation doesnt mean your not going to make each others eyes pop in the bedroom though?

Its not like theres much conversation once your clothes come off - and if your a naff shag.. all the humour in the world isnt going to make up for it

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

"Whilst some people don't mind playing on the first meet, I think the majority of experienced people here prefer to get to know something about the person before playing, after all, we are not indiscriminate sex machines just waiting for the next tom dick harry or joan to come along are we now????

whats there to know though? .. you know you both get along or you wouldnt get invited back for round 2. So why not fuck and enjoy it..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"suely simply because you dodnt make good conversation doesnt mean your not going to make each others eyes pop in the bedroom though?

Its not like theres much conversation once your clothes come off - and if your a naff shag.. all the humour in the world isnt going to make up for it

I always tend to meet for a social first. As I won't know if we click till I meet. It's different if I'm going to a club for group. But anything one on one I meet first and arrange play at a later date. After all if I don't click i'm not going to give them an hour of my time for fun.

Cali

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"suely simply because you dodnt make good conversation doesnt mean your not going to make each others eyes pop in the bedroom though?

Its not like theres much conversation once your clothes come off - and if your a naff shag.. all the humour in the world isnt going to make up for it

You have to have a good connection for the chat inbetween the play though.....what would happen if you are having a rest and there is total silence? That would be a bad meet for me.....unless of course you have meets where you shoot and go?

We do like to meet and play on the same day, by the time we meet up we have already decided to play and barring any nose picking or smelly people we can normally figure out before the meet that we will get on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You can't always decide you want to have sex with someone from a pic and a few messages. I like to have a drink and a chat first, if someone's my cup of tea then I will play.

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By *inktherapyCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

Sometimes you're limited by time - you can make time in the day for a lunchtime coffee/ after work drink but no more - that's long enough to flirt and see if you fancy round 2.

Also, sometimes the build up from just the chat/ flirting but knowing nothing else will happen that day is all part of the fun

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

"suely simply because you dodnt make good conversation doesnt mean your not going to make each others eyes pop in the bedroom though?

Its not like theres much conversation once your clothes come off - and if your a naff shag.. all the humour in the world isnt going to make up for it

inbetween the gasps of air you mean of course

does seem odd though, that people will go to the extent of re arranging to another time/date/place for the sake of a no first meet rule

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By *uby In StockingsTV/TS over a year ago

Cheadle

whats there to know though? .. you know you both get along or you wouldnt get invited back for round 2. So why not fuck and enjoy it.. "

Well good luck with your view then, I am sure you will get to meet people but if you think you're going to convince people that don't play on the first meet to do so I think you might be dissapointed,

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh mines isn't a rule of not playing on a first meet, I just want to meet for a drink first to see if I do want to play.

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

"You can't always decide you want to have sex with someone from a pic and a few messages. I like to have a drink and a chat first, if someone's my cup of tea then I will play. "

my questions more, why dont people play like that. Ive walked away from meets before now where they are just nothing like their profile, and ive said as much to them .. just seems a bit too much of a "privilage" that "yes ok, you can come back and we can now fuck"..??

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

at a later date i mean)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If the peeps we are meeting are cool we play

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I will sometimes play on first meet if the gentleman will accommodate. I would expect to meet at a pub or cafe for the social first, then if we get on, move to his place.

If he can't accommodate, then I prefer to play on another day, so I'm absolutely sure I want to invite him into my home.

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

"Sometimes you're limited by time - you can make time in the day for a lunchtime coffee/ after work drink but no more - that's long enough to flirt and see if you fancy round 2.

Also, sometimes the build up from just the chat/ flirting but knowing nothing else will happen that day is all part of the fun

oh yeah anticipations everything - but my piont is ...

dont you find it a bit .. prudish?

lol

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"suely simply because you dodnt make good conversation doesnt mean your not going to make each others eyes pop in the bedroom though?

Its not like theres much conversation once your clothes come off - and if your a naff shag.. all the humour in the world isnt going to make up for it

inbetween the gasps of air you mean of course

does seem odd though, that people will go to the extent of re arranging to another time/date/place for the sake of a no first meet rule"

Ah you see I try not to question how other people play , it is their way and we have ours....neither is right or wrong, it is just whatever suits you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some of our best meets have been shoot and go - turn up at hotel room , knock on the door , clothes ripped off - fuck and go !

Sometimes don't even remember names , and tbh really not bothered - certainly not here to make endless friends and spend precious spare time socialising

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"What's the difference between people who have a rule of not playing on the first meet and simply saying sorry, you're not for me .. (you dont look anything like your profile) or something?

Youd go to all that trouble and be interested but for the sake of a rule not play.

And opinions?"

Its that old preference thing again, none of us can possibly understand every preference that other people have and all the explaining in the world wont make it happen. We don't play on first meet simply because I (Mrs) feel too much pressure on me, it makes me nervous and I just wouldn't enjoy any of it but others might have different reasons.

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

"I will sometimes play on first meet if the gentleman will accommodate. I would expect to meet at a pub or cafe for the social first, then if we get on, move to his place.

If he can't accommodate, then I prefer to play on another day, so I'm absolutely sure I want to invite him into my home."

fair enough - thank you

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"You can't always decide you want to have sex with someone from a pic and a few messages. I like to have a drink and a chat first, if someone's my cup of tea then I will play.

So a question......if it doesn't suit you to play this way, why agree to go for a coffee/ drink with someone if you know they don't play and only want a coffee?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I mix and match how I play..its almost always social)- in tyhe manner of having a drink and chatting...but I dont do going out for drinks/dinners/coffees very often...I have enough ppl who are into meeting in the play area..thats my main focus

I'm grown up enough to take rejection even if the intent was to play where we meet,not that its really happened...but just move on

I've been playing this way for years...dont think it will change much...I value my personal time as well as my fab time...prefer shagging as opposed to long drawn out frequent chatter, as there are ppl I'm already setting up meets with.

bedkbnotcher?...I dont give a fuck

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

"Some of our best meets have been shoot and go - turn up at hotel room , knock on the door , clothes ripped off - fuck and go !

Sometimes don't even remember names , and tbh really not bothered - certainly not here to make endless friends and spend precious spare time socialising

id absolutely agree.

Theres always time for caution and I think that is ed out in your correspondence before the meet.. we're not hear to make life partners it is for the enjoyment.. I mean ... its hard enough to get someone to turn up on time never mind turn up and turn up on time twice lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We will always meet socially first but if everyone's cool we will go back to ours or theirs the same night. If we met people who turned out to be nothing like they are on here, either looks or personality then it's much more polite to say that we don't play on first meets than they're ugly/stupid/hateful and could they kindly not contact us again

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

Thanks a lot!!

Does it not make you nervous though on going back for the second time that you hope things will be the same???

Honestly am interested here .. is it a firm rule or a flexible one?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So a question......if it doesn't suit you to play this way, why agree to go for a coffee/ drink with someone if you know they don't play and only want a coffee?"

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

"You can't always decide you want to have sex with someone from a pic and a few messages. I like to have a drink and a chat first, if someone's my cup of tea then I will play.

So a question......if it doesn't suit you to play this way, why agree to go for a coffee/ drink with someone if you know they don't play and only want a coffee?"

I dont meat anyone for socials .. ive met maybe 3 times in a pub that I can think of, all of which were - if we get along its back to mine .. which is what happened

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By *inktherapyCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

"Sometimes you're limited by time - you can make time in the day for a lunchtime coffee/ after work drink but no more - that's long enough to flirt and see if you fancy round 2.

Also, sometimes the build up from just the chat/ flirting but knowing nothing else will happen that day is all part of the fun

oh yeah anticipations everything - but my piont is ...

dont you find it a bit .. prudish?

lol"

I'm certainly not prudish and rarely meet just socially, even if alone. But I would never knock anyone who did that. And I don't think it prudish if someone does - it can almost be extended foreplay.

And there's also a difference between couples meeting in hotels etc and getting straight down to play and a single woman doing so, purely from the safety point of view

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can't always decide you want to have sex with someone from a pic and a few messages. I like to have a drink and a chat first, if someone's my cup of tea then I will play.

So a question......if it doesn't suit you to play this way, why agree to go for a coffee/ drink with someone if you know they don't play and only want a coffee?

I dont meat anyone for socials .. ive met maybe 3 times in a pub that I can think of, all of which were - if we get along its back to mine .. which is what happened "

save cash...drink at home

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

I'm certainly not prudish and rarely meet just socially, even if alone. But I would never knock anyone who did that. And I don't think it prudish if someone does - it can almost be extended foreplay.

And there's also a difference between couples meeting in hotels etc and getting straight down to play and a single woman doing so, purely from the safety point of view"

i never called you prudish .. i was commenting on the threads topic

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When we meet fabber's for the first time, we tend to always meet at Pork's place for our socials, glass of wine or two for ladies, beer for the gents or what ever they desire at the time because i know that once i make that female to female call and there is nothing but laughter and silly tales about other adventures i know that it's right even without pork talking to them on the phone. We have never had any one through the door that we haven't clicked with and all the laughter certainly does turn into fun and frolics, sweaty bodies by the end of the evening. If it is a wish that someone would like to meet on neutral ground then it is not a problem at all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's the difference between people who have a rule of not playing on the first meet and simply saying sorry, you're not for me .. (you dont look anything like your profile) or something?

Youd go to all that trouble and be interested but for the sake of a rule not play.

And opinions?"

i never meet just for a drink anymore

When i meet its on the understanding its a drink and chat to see if we get on and if we do we play

I just cant see the point in sitting across the table from someone, both flirting and liking each other just to say see you then, maybe meet again next week

i have also found that social meets never seem to lead anywhere, i tend to find when people meet you for just a drink they use it as a safty net to not have to tell you your not their type, its easier to say, well i said its only a social so im on my way and i'll mail you later than say sorry i dont fancy you, and id sooner people just be honest and tell me they dont like me than make out they will get back to me another time and never do

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's the difference between people who have a rule of not playing on the first meet and simply saying sorry, you're not for me .. (you dont look anything like your profile) or something?

Youd go to all that trouble and be interested but for the sake of a rule not play.

And opinions?

i never meet just for a drink anymore

When i meet its on the understanding its a drink and chat to see if we get on and if we do we play

I just cant see the point in sitting across the table from someone, both flirting and liking each other just to say see you then, maybe meet again next week

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"You can't always decide you want to have sex with someone from a pic and a few messages. I like to have a drink and a chat first, if someone's my cup of tea then I will play.

So a question......if it doesn't suit you to play this way, why agree to go for a coffee/ drink with someone if you know they don't play and only want a coffee?

I dont meat anyone for socials .. ive met maybe 3 times in a pub that I can think of, all of which were - if we get along its back to mine .. which is what happened "

Then whats the problem? If others play different to you how is that affecting you?

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By *inktherapyCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

I'm certainly not prudish and rarely meet just socially, even if alone. But I would never knock anyone who did that. And I don't think it prudish if someone does

i never called you prudish .. i was commenting on the threads topic"

Pffft! I never said that you did. I said that I'm not but I don't think it prudish if others choose to play that way

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"suely simply because you dodnt make good conversation doesnt mean your not going to make each others eyes pop in the bedroom though?

Its not like theres much conversation once your clothes come off - and if your a naff shag.. all the humour in the world isnt going to make up for it

while i agree with most of what you have said i dont agree with that

The brain is the biggest sex organ and if someone cant turn me on mentally they will ever do it physically

if i meet someone and the conversation dont flow and we have nothing in common at all i wont play with them, yeah they could be a fantastic fuck but i guess what you never had you dont miss

I met a guy once and he couldnt carry a conversation in a paper bag, i tried so hard to talk to him but all he did was reply in one word answers, have you ever tried to hold a conversation with someone who just says.....yes.....no....

I thought my god could this guy get any more boring so i passed on his offer to play and went home, i just had images of him laying there doing fuck all like he did with the conversation

when i meet for a drink i see it as me having to sell myself to them and visa versa, and if they#re not sold in that time i pass

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

"You can't always decide you want to have sex with someone from a pic and a few messages. I like to have a drink and a chat first, if someone's my cup of tea then I will play.

So a question......if it doesn't suit you to play this way, why agree to go for a coffee/ drink with someone if you know they don't play and only want a coffee?

I dont meat anyone for socials .. ive met maybe 3 times in a pub that I can think of, all of which were - if we get along its back to mine .. which is what happened

Then whats the problem? If others play different to you how is that affecting you?"

im trying to understand why poeple do it.

As everyone knows theres let downs and nerves/anticipation.

If your that cautious not to fuck on a fist meet - what makes them think that when eventually they do re arrange a time when eveybody is free that 1/ they will turn up and 2/ theres going to be some epic shagging because they have met before.

Why not just go it as .. "look if we dont like you we're walking".. just trying to understand success rates or the quality of 'socials'

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Why not just go it as .. "look if we dont like you we're walking".. just trying to understand success rates or the quality of 'socials'"

I suppose it must suit people to play that way, just like it suits you and others who play on a first meet

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Im not here to date though.."
maybe thats the problem cause for some people think that there needs to be sexual chemstry not for everyone but for some so while some can just fuck some need more not commitment but something to get juices flowing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can't always decide you want to have sex with someone from a pic and a few messages. I like to have a drink and a chat first, if someone's my cup of tea then I will play.

So a question......if it doesn't suit you to play this way, why agree to go for a coffee/ drink with someone if you know they don't play and only want a coffee?

I dont meat anyone for socials .. ive met maybe 3 times in a pub that I can think of, all of which were - if we get along its back to mine .. which is what happened "

And isnt that just what most are saying on here? You met socially, if you got on you went back to yours....luckily in your case you did get on but could just have easily gone other way in which case...I assume, you'd not have gone back to yours?

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

"Im not here to date though..maybe thats the problem cause for some people think that there needs to be sexual chemstry not for everyone but for some so while some can just fuck some need more not commitment but something to get juices flowing "

urrrrgh - that C word

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

yep ive said earlier that ive walked from people that dont look anything like thier profiles and again - yes - people earlier have said - they do soaicls with a virw to meet later as they either get nervous or prefer to know who they are getting

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why not just go it as .. "look if we dont like you we're walking".. just trying to understand success rates or the quality of 'socials'

I suppose it must suit people to play that way, just like it suits you and others who play on a first meet

I really think that just comes down to people not wanting to reject someone to their face. They can go home and make a decision, particularly when it's a couple and they might want to discuss it between themselves privately.

Fair play to you if you can say that to someone, personally I think it's a tough thing to do and the social meet gives people a comfortable way of achieving what they want

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

Fair play to you if you can say that to someone, personally I think it's a tough thing to do and the social meet gives people a comfortable way of achieving what they want

one that sticks out was a professional couple who answered the door in string vests and 4 day old underwear. It wasnt hard at all - only down side was id travelled maybe 60 miles on very well posed photographs lol

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By *thwalescplCouple over a year ago

brecon

Although we play loads at clubs and parties, we still like to get to know people first.

We don't play with anyone we wouldn't like to be friends with, no matter how gorgeous they are.

So for us, if we have the chance, we do like to get to know people first.

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By *reelove1969Couple over a year ago

bristol

also like to meet first before jumping straight into bed as my bloke rarely comes on the site so he rarely has a clue who were meeting. However we do normally get down to business on the first meet and as we do tend to meet the same guys regularly its important to us that we all get along

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In that scenario, sure, I'd have no issue telling them where to go. If they are going to straight up lie and aren't who they say they are then it would be easy. Never had that happen though myself.

I think we're talking about finer lines here. More like if you met someone, and they are who they say, look like their pics, but aren't quite your cup of tea.

Personally I can get on with anyone and find a good side in most. I'm not saying I'm not fussy, but so long as I'm attracted to them and we can have a bit of conversation and have a fun time too that's cool with me, if I particularly like them then I'd want to meet again. For others, they want a bit more than that though, so they find a way that works for them.

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By *uxtapositionMan over a year ago

CARDIFF

People can do what they choose to do, there are no rights on here just granted privilages, and I think VERY few people, especially women and couples, are indiscriminate in thier choice of whom to invite into their sex lives

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I've turned down 4 so far but not all from this site. Again it was down to deceptive pics. I like a chat and a drink first but don't like social meets as my time is at a premium and I am only after a shag.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Depends on the situation. I can't accommodate so if the person I am meeting can I would meet at a pub for drink and if everyone is happy go back to theirs. If they can't accomodate I meet socially mid week, and if we get on we arrange a playtime for another date at a hotel. I swing on a financial budget so dont want to book rooms only on the off-chance (unless they look something special) x

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

"Depends on the situation. I can't accommodate so if the person I am meeting can I would meet at a pub for drink and if everyone is happy go back to theirs. If they can't accomodate I meet socially mid week, and if we get on we arrange a playtime for another date at a hotel. I swing on a financial budget so dont want to book rooms only on the off-chance (unless they look something special) x "

after the social, say if they cant accom.. whats the success rates of hooking up with guys your interested in, does it eventually work out or is there messing about?

I cant accom either so its either thiers or a hotel

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Thanks a lot!!

Does it not make you nervous though on going back for the second time that you hope things will be the same???

Honestly am interested here .. is it a firm rule or a flexible one?"

well never say never but it is pretty firm. I'm not as nervous if we meet a second time I can't explain why it's just the way I am

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not meeting at the moment but I'm one of the won't play on the first meet women.

There are several reasons.

I can't tell from a photo if I fancy someone so rather than exchange a load of messages, it's easier to meet and see how we feel.

I don't _ever_ want anyone to play with me because they don't want to/know how to say "no thank you" to me. I once, a long time ago, had a guy pretend to turn gay in the middle of a meet to get out of having dinner with me (just dinner, no sex planned). It was excruciating (and far more upsetting than a simple 'sorry, I don't fancy you') and I want to ensure potential partners have as easy a get out as possible. I can say no, though I don't like doing it, but not everyone can and I don't want anyone to feel obligated to shag me.

I don't like the pressure of the 'will we, won't we?' feeling. I like to be able to get to know a bit about the person without a sodding great question hanging over everything. With no expectations, everyone knows where they are.

I can't accommodate so, unless they can, we have nowhere to go back to. Arranging a hotel is silly when we might not fancy each other at all. Even if they can accommodate, I want to be sure I have safety measures in place before I go to a stranger's house. For this reason I tend only to meet local(ish) people and I'm happy to travel midway, or to them, for the social.

Sometimes I want time to consider whether I want to meet them. Not often, but occasionally I want to think about it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

im my experience whenever ive met up with guys who cant accommodate either just for a drink we never meet up again, if they cant accommodate and dont want to get a hotel on the first meet whats the point in meeting up again? no matter now many times you meet for a drink theres still nowhere to go lol, i think lots of guys meet me thinking after we have met i will invite them to mine, when they realise thats not happening they loose interest

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I agree. I won't shag on a first meet unless they are my cup of tea but its definitely on the table from the off. I'm only on this site to get laid. If I make some friends along the way its a bonus."

Same here

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

"I'm not meeting at the moment but I'm one of the won't play on the first meet women.

There are several reasons.

I can't tell from a photo if I fancy someone so rather than exchange a load of messages, it's easier to meet and see how we feel.

Sometimes I want time to consider whether I want to meet them. Not often, but occasionally I want to think about it.

again ... whats the success rates of getting that 2nd meet .. im trying to figure out if it ends in success or disappointment because of time constraints/too much build up or whatever

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By *ostcauseMan over a year ago

dukinfield

[Removed by poster at 18/10/12 19:31:15]

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By *ostcauseMan over a year ago

dukinfield

Speak for youself lol

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By *empting Devil.Woman over a year ago

Sheffield

I arrange a social meet for the first meet for mainly safety reasons.

I have had a man who made me feel very uncomfortable when I turned him down. I was in his house at the time and was concerned for my own safety.

He the proceeded to threaten and abuse me by text and email.

I have also met guys with fake photos and out of date photos.

Guys who's pictures don't show the aroma of poor hygiene.

Guy who have recently split from their partners and who then cried all over their coffee.

Guys with no social skills who sat and stared, grunting in reply to my attempts at conversation before finally saying "we gunna fuck then?".

And there are the perfectly nice, pleasant, well groomed, good conversationalists who I simply don't lust after in the flesh.

All of these scenarios are far easier to handle in a coffee shop. There are people nearby so I feel physically safe and since we are on neutral ground we can both run away if it's awful and not think "OMG THAT person knows where I live".

And we can leave our coffee und*unk and go to a nearby hotel if it goes well...

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

I come across as so indifferent that people ALWAYS get the wrong idea.

Inside im like - get ya knickers off! Just chatting someone up isnt my thing at all

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I come across as so indifferent that people ALWAYS get the wrong idea.

Inside im like - get ya knickers off! Just chatting someone up isnt my thing at all

noones asking you to chat them up, but put yourself in the shoes of the woman your meeting, single woman on here just are at a higher risk than anyone else, if i just met someone and got in his car or went to a hotel room to meet him and he turned out to be a nutter the chances are i wouldnt be able to fight him off, and i dont want to find that out once hes drove me into the middle of nowhere or once im locked away with him somewhere, which is why i meet in public first, is it really to much to ask a guy to meet a woman in piblic to put her at ease before sex?

i dont think many women on here are looking for a date or to be chatted up, just to get to know you a little before they lock themsleves away somewhere with you

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

" is it really to much to ask a guy to meet a woman in piblic to put her at ease before sex?

I really do try to avoid them - you would not believe some of the questions posed, statements made and comments raised in the middle of a busy pub!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm not meeting at the moment but I'm one of the won't play on the first meet women.

There are several reasons.

I can't tell from a photo if I fancy someone so rather than exchange a load of messages, it's easier to meet and see how we feel.

Sometimes I want time to consider whether I want to meet them. Not often, but occasionally I want to think about it.

again ... whats the success rates of getting that 2nd meet .. im trying to figure out if it ends in success or disappointment because of time constraints/too much build up or whatever"

Of my two most recent social meets (where we both wanted to meet again), one lead to a play date being arranged but he had to cancel and I've not been in a position to reschedule. The other took a few weeks, because of logistics, before a play meet could be arranged but

it did happen.

I am slightly flexible and I have, on rare occasions, agreed to meet and play straight away if everyone wants to, but that's only if there's a compelling reason to do it that way.

It's not ideal. If I could accommodate I would consider meet and play type arrangements. Safety would be my primary concern then. That's not ideal either.

I've actually stopped arranging meets for the time being though, in part because things going on in my life are making it too difficult.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I come across as so indifferent that people ALWAYS get the wrong idea.

Inside im like - get ya knickers off! Just chatting someone up isnt my thing at all

Actually I am the same, so taking time to make sure I am comfortable with them and then dealing with it as a straight yes I'd like to see you again or no I wouldn't is easier for me than feeling I need to show my interest during the meet to move things on.

Not sure if that makes sense.

Being apparently less interested during a meet with no expectations is less of a problem than during a meet where you're trying to decide if you'll end up shagging.

I could actually end up walking away from someone I fancy a lot simply because I don't think they are interested or because I feel shy about saying so (I can say no much more easily than yes sometimes). I'm rubbish at flirting and at noticing when I am being flirted with.

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

the angst of knowing we werent shagging there and then that day would just distract me too much to focus on converstion . Honeslty.

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I'd actually prefer to meet someone, have a laugh and drink, then find out that they weren't interested, than arrange a meet, turn up, and have them squeeze themselves out of the toilet window to get away.

However, as I usually play in clubs or arrange hotel meets thats not happened lately.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" is it really to much to ask a guy to meet a woman in piblic to put her at ease before sex?

I really do try to avoid them - you would not believe some of the questions posed, statements made and comments raised in the middle of a busy pub!"

ok firstly what the fooks with my typos today lol

everyone is after different, if im talking to a guy and hes not looking for the same as me thats fair enough, theres loads more guys to move onto

Ive always met guys in a public place first before a meet and never had a problem, its not like we are shouting or everyones sat listerning to us, your probably just feel paranoid because you are out of your comfort zone

but ive also had guys tell me they dont want to meet for a drink first but then give me a hotel room and tell me to come straight up and have a drink with them in their room

i just tell them no thanks, when we join none of us expect to be what everyone is looking for and if you find someone who dont do things the same way as you just look for someone who does x

some people prefer to meet in public first some dont

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" is it really to much to ask a guy to meet a woman in piblic to put her at ease before sex?

I really do try to avoid them - you would not believe some of the questions posed, statements made and comments raised in the middle of a busy pub!"

I would. I've had lots of such conversations. I wouldn't do it around families, obviously but if people listen in to other people's conversations then serves them right if they hear something rude.

If someone is unhappy to talk openly about sex, they may well be too uptight for me.

If it's a problem, meet at a quiet time or in a pub or somewhere with more secluded places to sit and chat.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"the angst of knowing we werent shagging there and then that day would just distract me too much to focus on converstion . Honeslty. "

i wouldnt arrange to meet someone if playing that meet wasnt on the cards if we got on

i really dont see the point in meeting, getting on, both liking each other and wanting to shag yet going home and arranging play for another time

i will always play first meet if we get on but i will always meet them in public for a drink so i can decide without pressure if i like them or not

thats what i offere its then upto then if they want to take me up on it or not

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"the angst of knowing we werent shagging there and then that day would just distract me too much to focus on converstion . Honeslty. "

And the anxiety of not knowing if you wanted to, if you wanted to escape, if I'd be safe, how to say yes or no depending on which it is, and feeling put on the spot to make a decision would possibly make me not want to meet at all or at least make me very uncomfortable.

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By *exki11enWoman over a year ago

Bristol

It's called choice. Simple

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's called choice. Simple

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's called choice. Simple

Yep but there's nothing wrong with trying to understand why some do it differently and waning to see things from their point of view.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's also a nicer way to let the person down instead of telling him there and then that there is something you find unattractive about him/her.

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

Questions ive had thrown at me are

"how long have you been using sex sites"

"how often do you meet online"

"you havent seen my clit peircing have you"

"do you always meet online for sex"

.. when they are in general conversation - those big pub walls get very small! lol ..

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

"And the anxiety of not knowing if you wanted to, if you wanted to escape, if I'd be safe, how to say yes or no depending on which it is, and feeling put on the spot to make a decision would possibly make me not want to meet at all or at least make me very uncomfortable."

but if you werent in some way attracted to them in the first instance - you wouldnt be meeting, the angst only comes from knowing im not going to be anywhere near thier pants for another 3 weeks

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

"It's called choice. Simple

were not talking about choice - its more to do with - if its successful in actually egtting what you want.

you meet - you get on - you arrange another time - does it actually work out, or for the most does it not come through/be as good as you expected

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"you havent seen my clit peircing have you""

sorry i thought i asked you that discreetly

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By *oodmess OP Man over a year ago

yumsville

hahahaha

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

" is it really to much to ask a guy to meet a woman in piblic to put her at ease before sex?

I really do try to avoid them - you would not believe some of the questions posed, statements made and comments raised in the middle of a busy pub!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

but if you werent in some way attracted to them in the first instance - you wouldnt be meeting, the angst only comes from knowing im not going to be anywhere near thier pants for another 3 weeks

Until I've met someone the best I can know from their photos is that I'm not unattracted to them.

I'm a picky cow and sometimes go long periods without sex. Waiting 3 weeks to see someone I am reasonably sure I'll be comfortable with is no problem at all.

I love sex and I have a ridiculous sex drive but I am able to live perfectly well without it.

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

but if you werent in some way attracted to them in the first instance - you wouldnt be meeting, the angst only comes from knowing im not going to be anywhere near thier pants for another 3 weeks

Until I've met someone the best I can know from their photos is that I'm not unattracted to them.

I'm a picky cow and sometimes go long periods without sex. Waiting 3 weeks to see someone I am reasonably sure I'll be comfortable with is no problem at all.

I love sex and I have a ridiculous sex drive but I am able to live perfectly well without it."

I can't! And therein lies my problem! If I were a bloke I would have a permanent hard on!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Questions ive had thrown at me are

"how long have you been using sex sites"

"how often do you meet online"

"you havent seen my clit peircing have you"

"do you always meet online for sex"

.. when they are in general conversation - those big pub walls get very small! lol .. "

lol We definitely wouldn't get on!

If you think those are outrageous questions to be asked in a pub I might well give you a cardiac arrest!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

but if you werent in some way attracted to them in the first instance - you wouldnt be meeting, the angst only comes from knowing im not going to be anywhere near thier pants for another 3 weeks

Until I've met someone the best I can know from their photos is that I'm not unattracted to them.

I'm a picky cow and sometimes go long periods without sex. Waiting 3 weeks to see someone I am reasonably sure I'll be comfortable with is no problem at all.

I love sex and I have a ridiculous sex drive but I am able to live perfectly well without it.

I can't! And therein lies my problem! If I were a bloke I would have a permanent hard on!"

I have a choice very often, go without or compromise my standards.

I choose going without. I tried the other option and it was worse.

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