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When people write....
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
I will not entertain/meet married guys, do they mean married guys in general or married/attached guys who are just here to cheat on their other half?
I'm here with full permission, both my wife and I have each others usernames on our bios for openness and we play separately. I don't message women if I fall into one of their "don't bother messaging if" categories, but always wondered about this one as it's quite obviously a swingers site where a lot of people are attached.
Just wondering?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d meet married people together. Meeting a married guy compared to meeting a single guy, i’d choose single. Theres more flexibility with single guys over married ones.
Even with permission married guys struggle on here. Suppose you could go to a club and keep your marital status quiet…. |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"Me personally wont intentionally meet attached either with permission or not, its just not worth the hassle"
When you say hassle what do you mean? Are you talking about getting involved and partners moaning at you?
I just don't know. Not challenging you in any way, just trying to understand. |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I’d meet married people together. Meeting a married guy compared to meeting a single guy, i’d choose single. Theres more flexibility with single guys over married ones.
Even with permission married guys struggle on here. Suppose you could go to a club and keep your marital status quiet…."
In what way do youean flexibility? Are you talking last minute meets etc.?
Surely single parents would have the same issues? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Me personally wont intentionally meet attached either with permission or not, its just not worth the hassle
When you say hassle what do you mean? Are you talking about getting involved and partners moaning at you?
I just don't know. Not challenging you in any way, just trying to understand."
Single guys are easier to plan meets with, and they dont have a mrs at home who 1 could potentially find out or 2 get jealous.. ive encountered both and nowadays wont meet an attached guy |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I don't mind meeting married/attached men but to answer your question OP - quite a few of those I've come across on here/spoken to who are "playing away" with permission have rules and regulations about what they can and can't do, when, etc.
There aren't many to begin with (hothusbands or whatever name) and I guess some women find it offputting to be faced with so much... stuff single men wouldn't necessarily have. |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"Me personally wont intentionally meet attached either with permission or not, its just not worth the hassle
When you say hassle what do you mean? Are you talking about getting involved and partners moaning at you?
I just don't know. Not challenging you in any way, just trying to understand.
Single guys are easier to plan meets with, and they dont have a mrs at home who 1 could potentially find out or 2 get jealous.. ive encountered both and nowadays wont meet an attached guy"
"Find out" or "get jealous" suggests that they aren't swinging and don't have permission.
My wife is desperate for me to get out more and she tries to pimp me out to anyone that'll take me.   |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I don't mind meeting married/attached men but to answer your question OP - quite a few of those I've come across on here/spoken to who are "playing away" with permission have rules and regulations about what they can and can't do, when, etc.
There aren't many to begin with (hothusbands or whatever name) and I guess some women find it offputting to be faced with so much... stuff single men wouldn't necessarily have."
Never thought about the restrictions part. Interesting. While we don't have any restrictions in that way other than our own personal boundaries, I have seen people on here that don't allow their other half to kiss etc.
Thanks for the input.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’d meet married people together. Meeting a married guy compared to meeting a single guy, i’d choose single. Theres more flexibility with single guys over married ones.
Even with permission married guys struggle on here. Suppose you could go to a club and keep your marital status quiet….
In what way do youean flexibility? Are you talking last minute meets etc.?
Surely single parents would have the same issues?"
Yes better flexibility in meet times, duration of meets (say you wanted to go away together for a weekend), they can host and not worry their wife will return home, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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some of the worse hassle meets we have ever had are with guys from swinging couples they were never drama free and always had another motive same with couples and fuck buddy couples we stopped meeting from on line and kept those meets to clubs only ... now it could of been bad luck and clearly not all would be the same buy it put us off years ago... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Me personally wont intentionally meet attached either with permission or not, its just not worth the hassle
When you say hassle what do you mean? Are you talking about getting involved and partners moaning at you?
I just don't know. Not challenging you in any way, just trying to understand.
Single guys are easier to plan meets with, and they dont have a mrs at home who 1 could potentially find out or 2 get jealous.. ive encountered both and nowadays wont meet an attached guy
"Find out" or "get jealous" suggests that they aren't swinging and don't have permission.
My wife is desperate for me to get out more and she tries to pimp me out to anyone that'll take me. "
I did say either with permission or not, ive met the male half of a couple and the mrs knew, then got jealous so for me its easier to meet single guys, i dont class myself as a swinger i just meet guys for sex |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"Me personally wont intentionally meet attached either with permission or not, its just not worth the hassle
When you say hassle what do you mean? Are you talking about getting involved and partners moaning at you?
I just don't know. Not challenging you in any way, just trying to understand.
Single guys are easier to plan meets with, and they dont have a mrs at home who 1 could potentially find out or 2 get jealous.. ive encountered both and nowadays wont meet an attached guy
"Find out" or "get jealous" suggests that they aren't swinging and don't have permission.
My wife is desperate for me to get out more and she tries to pimp me out to anyone that'll take me.
I did say either with permission or not, ive met the male half of a couple and the mrs knew, then got jealous so for me its easier to meet single guys, i dont class myself as a swinger i just meet guys for sex"
Yeah it seems that a lot of people have had bad experiences. |
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"I don't mind meeting married/attached men but to answer your question OP - quite a few of those I've come across on here/spoken to who are "playing away" with permission have rules and regulations about what they can and can't do, when, etc.
There aren't many to begin with (hothusbands or whatever name) and I guess some women find it offputting to be faced with so much... stuff single men wouldn't necessarily have."
Is it really that rare on Fab for couples to both be on here but meeting separately? 
Of course there are agreed boundaries but I don't think anything crazy or limiting and feel bad for BooBoo that being honest about his/our situation makes life harder on here for him (it seems). 
Is there stuff that makes single women feel more comfortable or believe the situation more than what we currently have on our profiles?  Would single women trust a couples profile mentioning meeting separately more?
And lol, not pimping out at all  just wish it could be easier for BooBoo to meet (actually meet!!) the right kind of women he'd like to.
Mrs BooBoo x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't mind meeting married/attached men but to answer your question OP - quite a few of those I've come across on here/spoken to who are "playing away" with permission have rules and regulations about what they can and can't do, when, etc.
There aren't many to begin with (hothusbands or whatever name) and I guess some women find it offputting to be faced with so much... stuff single men wouldn't necessarily have.
Is it really that rare on Fab for couples to both be on here but meeting separately?
Of course there are agreed boundaries but I don't think anything crazy or limiting and feel bad for BooBoo that being honest about his/our situation makes life harder on here for him (it seems).
Is there stuff that makes single women feel more comfortable or believe the situation more than what we currently have on our profiles? Would single women trust a couples profile mentioning meeting separately more?
And lol, not pimping out at all just wish it could be easier for BooBoo to meet (actually meet!!) the right kind of women he'd like to.
Mrs BooBoo x"
Unless i actually spoke directly to the Mrs i wouldnt believe anything thats wrote on a profile, its easy to say playing with wifes knowledge, but personally meeting an attached guy is just not for me anymore its just easier |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I don't mind meeting married/attached men but to answer your question OP - quite a few of those I've come across on here/spoken to who are "playing away" with permission have rules and regulations about what they can and can't do, when, etc.
There aren't many to begin with (hothusbands or whatever name) and I guess some women find it offputting to be faced with so much... stuff single men wouldn't necessarily have.
Is it really that rare on Fab for couples to both be on here but meeting separately?
Of course there are agreed boundaries but I don't think anything crazy or limiting and feel bad for BooBoo that being honest about his/our situation makes life harder on here for him (it seems).
Is there stuff that makes single women feel more comfortable or believe the situation more than what we currently have on our profiles? Would single women trust a couples profile mentioning meeting separately more?
And lol, not pimping out at all just wish it could be easier for BooBoo to meet (actually meet!!) the right kind of women he'd like to.
Mrs BooBoo x"
Ta. 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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at the end pf the day hes playing as a single guy so he will be looked at as a single guy too as hes playing alone .... being part of a couple wont come into it as many find out he a guy and there zillions of them to pick from .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't mind meeting married/attached men but to answer your question OP - quite a few of those I've come across on here/spoken to who are "playing away" with permission have rules and regulations about what they can and can't do, when, etc.
There aren't many to begin with (hothusbands or whatever name) and I guess some women find it offputting to be faced with so much... stuff single men wouldn't necessarily have.
Is it really that rare on Fab for couples to both be on here but meeting separately?
Of course there are agreed boundaries but I don't think anything crazy or limiting and feel bad for BooBoo that being honest about his/our situation makes life harder on here for him (it seems).
Is there stuff that makes single women feel more comfortable or believe the situation more than what we currently have on our profiles? Would single women trust a couples profile mentioning meeting separately more?
And lol, not pimping out at all just wish it could be easier for BooBoo to meet (actually meet!!) the right kind of women he'd like to.
Mrs BooBoo x"
Have you not considered playing together as a couple? At least that way you can break into the scene (him included) make connections, attend socials, clubs etc. After a year he will be well enough established to give him a fighting chance against the millions of other single guys?
KJ |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple. |
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"Have you not considered playing together as a couple? At least that way you can break into the scene (him included) make connections, attend socials, clubs etc. After a year he will be well enough established to give him a fighting chance against the millions of other single guys?
KJ"
I'm largely to "blame" for poor Booboo having to fight it out amongst the single M. I have weird wiring in my brain around sex and my preference (and agreed situation) is to be meeting and having Fab related fun separately.
Never say never and all that and very much willing to try smooth the path for him to meet folk where I can but playing together just wouldn't work for me right now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple. "
Thats somthing ud need to discuss with a potential meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple. "
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate "
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate "
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )"
Like u said can and cant do.. alot of couples have rules for each other no kissing etc so it easier to meet a single guy who has no rules.. |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )
Like u said can and cant do.. alot of couples have rules for each other no kissing etc so it easier to meet a single guy who has no rules.. "
But a lot of individuals have rules too. Personally I have more individual boundaries than we have as a couple.
If I have a list of 5 boundaries, why does it matter if they've come from me personally or part of a couple?
I'm starting to think that our couple and situation is not the norm. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )"
I must admit I've said no to every attached guy since I joined the site. Whether or not they're playing with permission or even when their partner has asked. Because it means I have to trust two people and not just one. And quite frankly it's hard enough to just trust one when a lot of guys have already lied to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )"
I don't think there's all that many women who want to meet a guy who'll potentially be discussing her and anything they may do, with his wife |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )
Like u said can and cant do.. alot of couples have rules for each other no kissing etc so it easier to meet a single guy who has no rules..
But a lot of individuals have rules too. Personally I have more individual boundaries than we have as a couple.
If I have a list of 5 boundaries, why does it matter if they've come from me personally or part of a couple?
I'm starting to think that our couple and situation is not the norm. "
I've been approached by at least a dozen men in the same position. Assuming they're telling the truth. |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )
I must admit I've said no to every attached guy since I joined the site. Whether or not they're playing with permission or even when their partner has asked. Because it means I have to trust two people and not just one. And quite frankly it's hard enough to just trust one when a lot of guys have already lied to me. "
Why do you need to trust two people? |
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"I don't think there's all that many women who want to meet a guy who'll potentially be discussing her and anything they may do, with his wife "
It's so hard as without having the opportunity to chat in the first place, there's a lot of (incorrect) assumptions made just because Booboo is honest about being attached. Sounds like he'd actually get more chance of replies by joining the crowd and not being so open. 
If they were to chat, they'd realise that he's more than keen to kiss and it's not about going home and sharing details past "have a good time?" (Hopefully yes!) However it seems bad previous experiences that folk have had are making it hard for folk to even consider responding to a message or reaching out to him if his photos/profile catches their eye which is a shame. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think there's all that many women who want to meet a guy who'll potentially be discussing her and anything they may do, with his wife
It's so hard as without having the opportunity to chat in the first place, there's a lot of (incorrect) assumptions made just because Booboo is honest about being attached. Sounds like he'd actually get more chance of replies by joining the crowd and not being so open.
If they were to chat, they'd realise that he's more than keen to kiss and it's not about going home and sharing details past "have a good time?" (Hopefully yes!) However it seems bad previous experiences that folk have had are making it hard for folk to even consider responding to a message or reaching out to him if his photos/profile catches their eye which is a shame. "
Championing his corner still isn't going to persuade other women to have sex with him |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )
Like u said can and cant do.. alot of couples have rules for each other no kissing etc so it easier to meet a single guy who has no rules..
But a lot of individuals have rules too. Personally I have more individual boundaries than we have as a couple.
If I have a list of 5 boundaries, why does it matter if they've come from me personally or part of a couple?
I'm starting to think that our couple and situation is not the norm.
I've been approached by at least a dozen men in the same position. Assuming they're telling the truth. "
Why wouldn't you? I get if you are getting a bad vibe off someone or they have said something that doesn't stack up, but until that happens why would they be any less trustworthy than any other guy? |
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"Championing his corner still isn't going to persuade other women to have sex with him "
Just telling the other side of the story? Since a lot of the initial replies made (incorrect) assumptions that I wanted to correct and also felt it was more than reasonable to be part of the conversation when the conversation is around a situation that involves me.
Of course I want to make life easier on here (not harder, which some are suggesting the honesty about my existence makes it for him?!) for him, as I care about him finding fu . But equally, I'm not responding on here thinking it's a magic solution to all the issues experienced by him/men in similar situations. |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"I don't think there's all that many women who want to meet a guy who'll potentially be discussing her and anything they may do, with his wife
It's so hard as without having the opportunity to chat in the first place, there's a lot of (incorrect) assumptions made just because Booboo is honest about being attached. Sounds like he'd actually get more chance of replies by joining the crowd and not being so open.
If they were to chat, they'd realise that he's more than keen to kiss and it's not about going home and sharing details past "have a good time?" (Hopefully yes!) However it seems bad previous experiences that folk have had are making it hard for folk to even consider responding to a message or reaching out to him if his photos/profile catches their eye which is a shame.
Championing his corner still isn't going to persuade other women to have sex with him "
So should I take off my wedding ring, pretend I'm single and just lie? Just be "another lying guy" knowing that I have the permission of my wife(that's all that matters) and just list everything as my own boundaries?
I could do, and it probably wouldn't make a difference to me but I have principles and I'm trying to be honest and upfront. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Championing his corner still isn't going to persuade other women to have sex with him
Just telling the other side of the story? Since a lot of the initial replies made (incorrect) assumptions that I wanted to correct and also felt it was more than reasonable to be part of the conversation when the conversation is around a situation that involves me.
Of course I want to make life easier on here (not harder, which some are suggesting the honesty about my existence makes it for him?!) for him, as I care about him finding fu . But equally, I'm not responding on here thinking it's a magic solution to all the issues experienced by him/men in similar situations. "
I'm curious as to why either of you think it should or would be easier for him to find a woman that wants to have sex with him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You touched some fantastic points
As a couple looking for a single mmf to be guy on has been horrendous I realised why we left the site due to morons last time, asking certain priority and we must comply to his list of needs, we understand it goes both ways. I’m sorry like it’s his loss not ours he can sling his hook, but there is a lot of valid points but how would we know regarding a single or attached male on here there is certainly some weasels knocking about, we are certain we personally wouldn’t meet an attached male with permission but it’s a tough shout to find the truth |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think there's all that many women who want to meet a guy who'll potentially be discussing her and anything they may do, with his wife
It's so hard as without having the opportunity to chat in the first place, there's a lot of (incorrect) assumptions made just because Booboo is honest about being attached. Sounds like he'd actually get more chance of replies by joining the crowd and not being so open.
If they were to chat, they'd realise that he's more than keen to kiss and it's not about going home and sharing details past "have a good time?" (Hopefully yes!) However it seems bad previous experiences that folk have had are making it hard for folk to even consider responding to a message or reaching out to him if his photos/profile catches their eye which is a shame.
Championing his corner still isn't going to persuade other women to have sex with him
So should I take off my wedding ring, pretend I'm single and just lie? Just be "another lying guy" knowing that I have the permission of my wife(that's all that matters) and just list everything as my own boundaries?
I could do, and it probably wouldn't make a difference to me but I have principles and I'm trying to be honest and upfront."
No, but you could try accepting that just because you're being open about your situation doesn't mean that it will make it easier to get laid |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )
I must admit I've said no to every attached guy since I joined the site. Whether or not they're playing with permission or even when their partner has asked. Because it means I have to trust two people and not just one. And quite frankly it's hard enough to just trust one when a lot of guys have already lied to me.
Why do you need to trust two people?"
Really, I need to explain that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )
Like u said can and cant do.. alot of couples have rules for each other no kissing etc so it easier to meet a single guy who has no rules..
But a lot of individuals have rules too. Personally I have more individual boundaries than we have as a couple.
If I have a list of 5 boundaries, why does it matter if they've come from me personally or part of a couple?
I'm starting to think that our couple and situation is not the norm.
I've been approached by at least a dozen men in the same position. Assuming they're telling the truth.
Why wouldn't you? I get if you are getting a bad vibe off someone or they have said something that doesn't stack up, but until that happens why would they be any less trustworthy than any other guy?"
Because attached men do lie about having permission. |
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"I'm curious as to why either of you think it should or would be easier for him to find a woman that wants to have sex with him"
I can only talk for what I've written  but, as I explained, I was attempting to correct incorrect assumptions. Not about making it "easier", just that the honesty about the situation appears to actually make it harder - as evidenced by quite a few of the replies.
I'm more than happy leaving him to it and I've no doubt he will find the right people and connections in time, however if someone felt more comfortable speaking to me or there were lots of women who'd replied saying actually yes, a couples profile does make them take someone more seriously, it would be daft not to take advice for both of us to enhance our experience on Fab. |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )
I must admit I've said no to every attached guy since I joined the site. Whether or not they're playing with permission or even when their partner has asked. Because it means I have to trust two people and not just one. And quite frankly it's hard enough to just trust one when a lot of guys have already lied to me.
Why do you need to trust two people?
Really, I need to explain that? "
Yes.
You are speaking to a guy who you are considering doing stuff with. From everything you've asked, you believe him to be telling the truth and honourable (same as you would do with a single guy). The "contract" is with him, not anyone else and as long as you both agree. Whatever agreement he has with his other half is surely his business, not yours.
Communicating with the other half (unless it's a Dom thing) seems a bit like asking his mum for permission if he can come out to play or not.
If he's having to check everything with his partner then it's obvious they've not had any open conversations about it and I would absolutely recommend you walk away.
I agree with you that there are many possible red flags, but that's the same with single guys.
I would just have thought that everyone would be looked at on individual merit. |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
Anyway.... Thanks everyone for your input and adult conversation.
I don't necessarily agree, but I do understand a lot of the points and that people have had a lot of bad experiences. it's a good cross section of views.
I genuinely was wondering about this and it's nice to get some insight.
Booboo
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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this can fo on forever but the simple fact is hes playing alone therefor people will see him as a single guy ..him having permission will mean nothing him being part of a couple will mean nothing hes in the same pot as all the other guys married or not ...he will not get any special treatment ?? he will find it as hard as other guys on here find it ..
this has alway been the case 28 years on the scene and guys who are part of a swinging couple who play alone get the same treatment as any other guy theres no golden lining or ticket for having permission .... he will be viesed as a guy playing alone and as already said there are zillions of them ... and more joining everyday so the outlook is grim |
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I don't knowingly meet attached guys. I have enough time constraints of my own. A single fwb has the advantage of a quick 'are you free' message. Also setting up meets in advance are less likely to fail due to unforseen family circumstances.
Why would I choose a married guy with another set of constraints over the single guy.
On here attached guys playing solo are lower on the food chain than the many many single guys. That's life!! It's tough ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )
I must admit I've said no to every attached guy since I joined the site. Whether or not they're playing with permission or even when their partner has asked. Because it means I have to trust two people and not just one. And quite frankly it's hard enough to just trust one when a lot of guys have already lied to me.
Why do you need to trust two people?
Really, I need to explain that?
Yes.
You are speaking to a guy who you are considering doing stuff with. From everything you've asked, you believe him to be telling the truth and honourable (same as you would do with a single guy). The "contract" is with him, not anyone else and as long as you both agree. Whatever agreement he has with his other half is surely his business, not yours.
Communicating with the other half (unless it's a Dom thing) seems a bit like asking his mum for permission if he can come out to play or not.
If he's having to check everything with his partner then it's obvious they've not had any open conversations about it and I would absolutely recommend you walk away.
I agree with you that there are many possible red flags, but that's the same with single guys.
I would just have thought that everyone would be looked at on individual merit."
There is another dynamic going on which the person I might be interested in is embedded in. More complication = more things to go awry and more to trust in. Someone who is poly and they both play separately have thought about all of this. They've done their research and reading. I'm afraid it very much seems as though you haven't because you're surprised that women have any misgivings. Sorry if that sounds harsh. |
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"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )
I must admit I've said no to every attached guy since I joined the site. Whether or not they're playing with permission or even when their partner has asked. Because it means I have to trust two people and not just one. And quite frankly it's hard enough to just trust one when a lot of guys have already lied to me.
Why do you need to trust two people?
Really, I need to explain that?
Yes.
You are speaking to a guy who you are considering doing stuff with. From everything you've asked, you believe him to be telling the truth and honourable (same as you would do with a single guy). The "contract" is with him, not anyone else and as long as you both agree. Whatever agreement he has with his other half is surely his business, not yours.
Communicating with the other half (unless it's a Dom thing) seems a bit like asking his mum for permission if he can come out to play or not.
If he's having to check everything with his partner then it's obvious they've not had any open conversations about it and I would absolutely recommend you walk away.
I agree with you that there are many possible red flags, but that's the same with single guys.
I would just have thought that everyone would be looked at on individual merit."
Wow as a single woman and unicorn I think this statement needs reavaluating  |
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"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )
I must admit I've said no to every attached guy since I joined the site. Whether or not they're playing with permission or even when their partner has asked. Because it means I have to trust two people and not just one. And quite frankly it's hard enough to just trust one when a lot of guys have already lied to me.
Why do you need to trust two people?
Really, I need to explain that?
Yes.
You are speaking to a guy who you are considering doing stuff with. From everything you've asked, you believe him to be telling the truth and honourable (same as you would do with a single guy). The "contract" is with him, not anyone else and as long as you both agree. Whatever agreement he has with his other half is surely his business, not yours.
Communicating with the other half (unless it's a Dom thing) seems a bit like asking his mum for permission if he can come out to play or not.
If he's having to check everything with his partner then it's obvious they've not had any open conversations about it and I would absolutely recommend you walk away.
I agree with you that there are many possible red flags, but that's the same with single guys.
I would just have thought that everyone would be looked at on individual merit.
There is another dynamic going on which the person I might be interested in is embedded in. More complication = more things to go awry and more to trust in. Someone who is poly and they both play separately have thought about all of this. They've done their research and reading. I'm afraid it very much seems as though you haven't because you're surprised that women have any misgivings. Sorry if that sounds harsh. "
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I'd meet ya Boo
But seriously, your situation is unique and not at all the norm for fab. I think people have trouble accepting that your 'freedom to meet' is as free as it is.
Unfortunately a lot of people have burnt the bridge that you're now trying to cross.
You and Mrs Booboo have shown me, (not going to speak for others) that you're as free to meet as a single man with his own set of boundaries like I have for myself. Its refreshing tbh  |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"this can fo on forever but the simple fact is hes playing alone therefor people will see him as a single guy ..him having permission will mean nothing him being part of a couple will mean nothing hes in the same pot as all the other guys married or not ...he will not get any special treatment ?? he will find it as hard as other guys on here find it ..
this has alway been the case 28 years on the scene and guys who are part of a swinging couple who play alone get the same treatment as any other guy theres no golden lining or ticket for having permission .... he will be viesed as a guy playing alone and as already said there are zillions of them ... and more joining everyday so the outlook is grim"
You say I'm being treated the same as any other guy..... I'm not, I'm getting overlooked before I get to being "any other guy" because I'm married. |
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"
You say I'm being treated the same as any other guy..... I'm not, I'm getting overlooked before I get to being "any other guy" because I'm married."
Life sucks. Stop whinging you are not doing yourself any favours. Beginning to sound like a pushy desperate individual!  |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )
I must admit I've said no to every attached guy since I joined the site. Whether or not they're playing with permission or even when their partner has asked. Because it means I have to trust two people and not just one. And quite frankly it's hard enough to just trust one when a lot of guys have already lied to me.
Why do you need to trust two people?
Really, I need to explain that?
Yes.
You are speaking to a guy who you are considering doing stuff with. From everything you've asked, you believe him to be telling the truth and honourable (same as you would do with a single guy). The "contract" is with him, not anyone else and as long as you both agree. Whatever agreement he has with his other half is surely his business, not yours.
Communicating with the other half (unless it's a Dom thing) seems a bit like asking his mum for permission if he can come out to play or not.
If he's having to check everything with his partner then it's obvious they've not had any open conversations about it and I would absolutely recommend you walk away.
I agree with you that there are many possible red flags, but that's the same with single guys.
I would just have thought that everyone would be looked at on individual merit.
There is another dynamic going on which the person I might be interested in is embedded in. More complication = more things to go awry and more to trust in. Someone who is poly and they both play separately have thought about all of this. They've done their research and reading. I'm afraid it very much seems as though you haven't because you're surprised that women have any misgivings. Sorry if that sounds harsh. "
We've done our research, our reading of the books, the listening to podcasts and decided that poly is not our thing. We know our boundaries and have regular open conversations about how we are getting on.
Just because others don't have that kind of relationship doesn't mean we don't. The biggest issue here on all of this is assuming that something is the case without knowing.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )
I must admit I've said no to every attached guy since I joined the site. Whether or not they're playing with permission or even when their partner has asked. Because it means I have to trust two people and not just one. And quite frankly it's hard enough to just trust one when a lot of guys have already lied to me.
Why do you need to trust two people?
Really, I need to explain that?
Yes.
You are speaking to a guy who you are considering doing stuff with. From everything you've asked, you believe him to be telling the truth and honourable (same as you would do with a single guy). The "contract" is with him, not anyone else and as long as you both agree. Whatever agreement he has with his other half is surely his business, not yours.
Communicating with the other half (unless it's a Dom thing) seems a bit like asking his mum for permission if he can come out to play or not.
If he's having to check everything with his partner then it's obvious they've not had any open conversations about it and I would absolutely recommend you walk away.
I agree with you that there are many possible red flags, but that's the same with single guys.
I would just have thought that everyone would be looked at on individual merit.
There is another dynamic going on which the person I might be interested in is embedded in. More complication = more things to go awry and more to trust in. Someone who is poly and they both play separately have thought about all of this. They've done their research and reading. I'm afraid it very much seems as though you haven't because you're surprised that women have any misgivings. Sorry if that sounds harsh.
We've done our research, our reading of the books, the listening to podcasts and decided that poly is not our thing. We know our boundaries and have regular open conversations about how we are getting on.
Just because others don't have that kind of relationship doesn't mean we don't. The biggest issue here on all of this is assuming that something is the case without knowing.
"
And yet you and your wife are on here puzzling about what women are trying to tell you. You're making assumptions about us. So that tells me you haven't maybe thought about how it feels from our perspective. At the end of the day people choose less complicated. And also you're already getting sex. Im not feeling sorry for you when I hear from guys daily that just want some intimacy back in their lives. I'm sure you will find what you want but like most people here - it takes time and no amount of threads will speed that up. Best of luck. |
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By *Booboo- OP Man
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"A few here have talked about restrictions on what they can and can't do.
How is it any different to boundaries that the person has as an individual? I have more boundaries personally for me than we have as a couple.
Maybe they just mean that doing it with your wife's knowledge potentially means that there's another person to consider when arranging to meet and that's just another variable they don't want to have to negotiate
Surely the couples are all adults and know what they can and can't do? Or am I nieve in thinking that? Are most guys usually lying pr*cks trying to get laid? (Unlike the truthfull guys trying to get laid? )
I must admit I've said no to every attached guy since I joined the site. Whether or not they're playing with permission or even when their partner has asked. Because it means I have to trust two people and not just one. And quite frankly it's hard enough to just trust one when a lot of guys have already lied to me.
Why do you need to trust two people?
Really, I need to explain that?
Yes.
You are speaking to a guy who you are considering doing stuff with. From everything you've asked, you believe him to be telling the truth and honourable (same as you would do with a single guy). The "contract" is with him, not anyone else and as long as you both agree. Whatever agreement he has with his other half is surely his business, not yours.
Communicating with the other half (unless it's a Dom thing) seems a bit like asking his mum for permission if he can come out to play or not.
If he's having to check everything with his partner then it's obvious they've not had any open conversations about it and I would absolutely recommend you walk away.
I agree with you that there are many possible red flags, but that's the same with single guys.
I would just have thought that everyone would be looked at on individual merit.
There is another dynamic going on which the person I might be interested in is embedded in. More complication = more things to go awry and more to trust in. Someone who is poly and they both play separately have thought about all of this. They've done their research and reading. I'm afraid it very much seems as though you haven't because you're surprised that women have any misgivings. Sorry if that sounds harsh.
We've done our research, our reading of the books, the listening to podcasts and decided that poly is not our thing. We know our boundaries and have regular open conversations about how we are getting on.
Just because others don't have that kind of relationship doesn't mean we don't. The biggest issue here on all of this is assuming that something is the case without knowing.
And yet you and your wife are on here puzzling about what women are trying to tell you. You're making assumptions about us. So that tells me you haven't maybe thought about how it feels from our perspective. At the end of the day people choose less complicated. And also you're already getting sex. Im not feeling sorry for you when I hear from guys daily that just want some intimacy back in their lives. I'm sure you will find what you want but like most people here - it takes time and no amount of threads will speed that up. Best of luck."
We are simply asking questions and replying. The responses are all full of emotion from personal experiences and I do get it. I've said many times that I recognise that experiences are one of the main drivers, and 100% understand the reasons for it.
I've also had many personal messages from couples in my position who have agreed with me and don't want to get jumped onto by the masses on the forum.
I respect all replies except the catty ones. Thanks for your input and as you said, it will take time. I'm trying to get a picture and understanding here. The thread was meant to find out if the line on the profile really meant what it said as I couldn't understand it.
Got that understanding now. Will look forward to discussing other things with you all soon.
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