FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Married men as singles?
Married men as singles?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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As a married man whose wife does not play you have two choices.
One is to be honest and say you are married followed by the excuse.
The second is to say noting and pretend you are divorced/ separated or single.
I know it is a dilemma but as a couple we do not want to be embroiled in the baggage or a divorce so we keep away.
Are we too judgemental and what do others do? |
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By *69meMan
over a year ago
Cambridgeshire |
I'm married, and we both play. We have a "couple" profile and I have a "single" profile on here.
I state that I'm married on my profile with my wife having full knowledge of it. If required a phone call can be set up for her to confirm this.
Whilst I appreciate it does put some people off from meeting me, I believe that honesty is the best policy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you say you're happy meeting attached people they won't lie. But then you can turn them down if they say they are attached. 
Ooo good move.  "
I expect most men I've met were married anyway tbh xx |
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It's usually obvious that a guy is attached (can't speak for women as we don't meet single ladies).
Everyone has their reasons for seeking sex outside of their relationship, whether I agree with them or not is mostly irrelevant. |
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"If you say you're happy meeting attached people they won't lie. But then you can turn them down if they say they are attached.
Ooo good move.
I expect most men I've met were married anyway tbh xx"
We've realised afterwards that some of the men we've met were married. We try and avoid it but sometimes it's not possible.
It's never caused any drama though |
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By *69meMan
over a year ago
Cambridgeshire |
"If you say you're happy meeting attached people they won't lie. But then you can turn them down if they say they are attached.
Ooo good move.
I expect most men I've met were married anyway tbh xx"
I'm married, and would love to meet you  |
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By *avie65Man
over a year ago
In the west. |
Everyone has their reasons for being on here, married, single or as a couple. I know I do and I keep it private for the most part but either through chats on here, a phone or a social meet the reasons generally come out.
I say I'm married on my profile and don't go into any detail there as it is private. We don't tell everyone everything about our life without knowing them. |
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O few of you say they don't want the drama.
Well...most of the meets are one off's so no drama in this situation. On the other hand, if it becomes a regular, yes, it is going to be a drama.
... "I don't judge..." but yet you do. Everyone have their own reasons for being on here.
In my case yes, I am married, and had a few conversations with my wife to join me but she does not agree and she does not share the same love for "swinging" as I do.
I love my wife to bits, but also love the "swinging" life also. She does not know I am still "swinging". I love every aspect of this life style.
What is the solution to this?
Feel free to judge away... |
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"O few of you say they don't want the drama.
Well...most of the meets are one off's so no drama in this situation. On the other hand, if it becomes a regular, yes, it is going to be a drama.
... "I don't judge..." but yet you do. Everyone have their own reasons for being on here.
In my case yes, I am married, and had a few conversations with my wife to join me but she does not agree and she does not share the same love for "swinging" as I do.
I love my wife to bits, but also love the "swinging" life also. She does not know I am still "swinging". I love every aspect of this life style.
What is the solution to this?
Feel free to judge away..."
You love your wife "to bits" but are happy to risk potentially ruining her life?
It's obvious you love swinging "to bits" more so the only solution we can see it to break up.
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It is a choice that I've made.
There is no solution to this...
Or maybe it is, but I don't see it.
At the end of the day it is my choice like the couples or females who does not accept to meet married men.
We all have a choice, it it's the correct one or the wrong one, time will tell. |
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My take on hambles situation is that if him and his wife still have a healthy sex life then why do you need to be on here?
However, if you rarely or never have sex with her, then for me at least, it's understandable why you're here. |
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"As a married man whose wife does not play you have two choices.
One is to be honest and say you are married followed by the excuse.
The second is to say noting and pretend you are divorced/ separated or single.
I know it is a dilemma but as a couple we do not want to be embroiled in the baggage or a divorce so we keep away.
Are we too judgemental and what do others do?"
Your question doesn’t allow for those of us who play separately from our wives but they know about it. No ‘excuse’ necessary as honesty states my position. |
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"It is a choice that I've made.
There is no solution to this...
Or maybe it is, but I don't see it.
At the end of the day it is my choice like the couples or females who does not accept to meet married men.
We all have a choice, it it's the correct one or the wrong one, time will tell. "
We understand it's a difficult situation to be in, but life isn't always so simple.
You've just got to work out what's more important to you, your wife that you apparently love or getting your willy wet?
To us that shouldn't be a difficult decision.....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can see why couples may be avoiding drama around this.
And while it may put a couple off from reaching out to me on here, i think honesty is always best and for me is fundamental to healthy swinging.
I’m a “single” male in a ethical non monogamous relationship. A nice way of saying me and my partner talk openly about sex, our desires and needs. She has a lower libido than i have, and has no interest in the scene. I on the other hand enjoy hedonistic pursuits. She knows, we talk about it, and we know our relationship is more than just our sexual desires (or lack of) toward one another.
So i play, with her knowledge and consent. She doesn't want the gooey details, she doesn’t want to know the when and how and who, because she is just not interested, there is no turn on, reclaim factor etc… it’s a hobby as far as she is concerned.
We still have a sex life together and it is amazing, though not of enough frequency for me. The other aspect is swinging for me is about exploring my sexuality, my fetishes and well i really enjoy being a 3rd with a couple, there is something uniquely exciting and erotic i find in that dynamic.
Well that was lengthy, guess what i was saying is don’t discount all singles who are “not really single”. If they are honest about it, hear them out.
They may surprise you  |
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By *entenTeaCouple
over a year ago
Buckley North Wales |
If it's in a club setting then we tend to accept people on face value. But, if it is a meeting some one else where, especially a pub where there could be public drana. Then, we would rather know the truth then make a decision based upon that.
We accept and understand that there are many different legitimate and some dubious reasons for involvement in the scene. But we have as yet, never seen or heard about, some one being followed to a club by a suspicious spouse then accosted. |
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By *RSTCouple
over a year ago
S. Northants |
We're married, she doesn't play. She prefers the voyeur/cuckquean role.
That is clear (we think) on our profile, and we point out to people when we chat that she is a bi voyeur, so may get involved on occasions she can't sit back anymore and soft play with a lady.
However, the amount of abuse we get as people simply don't believe it to be possible is ridiculous. We're verified by meets, we're photo verified and have photos together. People are more than welcome to speak to her first to confirm it is the case, but still people don't believe it.
Why is cuckolding accepted so freely, but reverse the genders and it all of a sudden must be a guy just cheating?
The problem is people make an assumption and don't care to actually talk or check. We get reported, blocked or given a load of verbal abuse instead quite often.  Quite clearly Fab isn't as open minded as we all thought it was.
Either that or they enjoy the fantasy of our dynamic, but then chicken out at the point of meeting. It goes both ways I'm afraid. |
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"I can see why couples may be avoiding drama around this.
And while it may put a couple off from reaching out to me on here, i think honesty is always best and for me is fundamental to healthy swinging.
I’m a “single” male in a ethical non monogamous relationship. A nice way of saying me and my partner talk openly about sex, our desires and needs. She has a lower libido than i have, and has no interest in the scene. I on the other hand enjoy hedonistic pursuits. She knows, we talk about it, and we know our relationship is more than just our sexual desires (or lack of) toward one another.
So i play, with her knowledge and consent. She doesn't want the gooey details, she doesn’t want to know the when and how and who, because she is just not interested, there is no turn on, reclaim factor etc… it’s a hobby as far as she is concerned.
We still have a sex life together and it is amazing, though not of enough frequency for me. The other aspect is swinging for me is about exploring my sexuality, my fetishes and well i really enjoy being a 3rd with a couple, there is something uniquely exciting and erotic i find in that dynamic.
Well that was lengthy, guess what i was saying is don’t discount all singles who are “not really single”. If they are honest about it, hear them out.
They may surprise you "
I’m think the point that good marriages are about far more than sex particularly when kids are involved is really important. Many men and women are in marriages where there is no sex or intimacy either because it died or often because of health issues (physical and mental), but still maintain a good marriage in all other areas. Marriage originally was an economic arrangement to support a family - it’s only in modern times we’ve come to view it as romantic. |
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"We're married, she doesn't play. She prefers the voyeur/cuckquean role.
That is clear (we think) on our profile, and we point out to people when we chat that she is a bi voyeur, so may get involved on occasions she can't sit back anymore and soft play with a lady.
However, the amount of abuse we get as people simply don't believe it to be possible is ridiculous. We're verified by meets, we're photo verified and have photos together. People are more than welcome to speak to her first to confirm it is the case, but still people don't believe it.
Why is cuckolding accepted so freely, but reverse the genders and it all of a sudden must be a guy just cheating?
The problem is people make an assumption and don't care to actually talk or check. We get reported, blocked or given a load of verbal abuse instead quite often. Quite clearly Fab isn't as open minded as we all thought it was.
Either that or they enjoy the fantasy of our dynamic, but then chicken out at the point of meeting. It goes both ways I'm afraid. "
It's one of the double standards that exist on fab and in the wider world. If a man is "unfaithful" or appears to be it's because he's a bastard, if a woman is it's because her man's a bastard. |
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By *RSTCouple
over a year ago
S. Northants |
"We wouldn’t openly engage with a single married male or female privately but in a club setting it’s not really an issue "
Do you mind if we ask if there is a particular reason why not? Even if you know it is perfectly legit and consented to by both parts of the married couple?
Just curious. |
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By *RSTCouple
over a year ago
S. Northants |
"We're married, she doesn't play. She prefers the voyeur/cuckquean role.
That is clear (we think) on our profile, and we point out to people when we chat that she is a bi voyeur, so may get involved on occasions she can't sit back anymore and soft play with a lady.
However, the amount of abuse we get as people simply don't believe it to be possible is ridiculous. We're verified by meets, we're photo verified and have photos together. People are more than welcome to speak to her first to confirm it is the case, but still people don't believe it.
Why is cuckolding accepted so freely, but reverse the genders and it all of a sudden must be a guy just cheating?
The problem is people make an assumption and don't care to actually talk or check. We get reported, blocked or given a load of verbal abuse instead quite often. Quite clearly Fab isn't as open minded as we all thought it was.
Either that or they enjoy the fantasy of our dynamic, but then chicken out at the point of meeting. It goes both ways I'm afraid.
It's one of the double standards that exist on fab and in the wider world. If a man is "unfaithful" or appears to be it's because he's a bastard, if a woman is it's because her man's a bastard. "
Same as the Slut-shaming vs High Fives for having a sex positive life between women and men unfortunately. We're all made of the same stuff...  |
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Married men and women should always be upfront about it, then it gives others the choice to meet or not.
It's awful when you find out you've been tricked by someone, so now if im the slightest bit suspicious that someone is being untruthful, I stop chatting.
We both meet separately and with others full knowledge, people have asked me to confirm I'm happy with this to meet Jack. Funnily enough though, when I'm chatting to someone, they never ask to confirm it with Jack.
Miss |
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Transparency in my opinion is key. We all have our reasons for being here. If you don't agree then don't talk to them. If your ok with it and it works then have fun.
I don't see why people lie on their profile but I accept it and move on. Not my problem. |
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"??
This could be a controversial view but we like playing with married men who say they are in loveless relationships. They are very eager and happy to do whatever we ask them to do. "
What don't you get? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I had a partner she preferred to meet with married men, simply because they had to be discreet. They are less likely to be picking up different women every weekend "
 there is a lot to be said for the discretion and care married man usually give xx |
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By *rad670Man
over a year ago
South Lakes |
Better to be honest about it on your profile then let people make their own mind up. Only once backfired with judgemental and annoying/prying messages for me, I've met and chatted with some quality non judgemental people. I'm a big beleiver in not throwing stones in a glasshouse. |
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"Better to be honest about it on your profile then let people make their own mind up. Only once backfired with judgemental and annoying/prying messages for me, I've met and chatted with some quality non judgemental people. I'm a big beleiver in not throwing stones in a glasshouse."
If only more married guys were like this. |
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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
Some of the guys (and women) are so good at concealing the truth you'd never know, will ever know or raise suspicion particularly with one off meets. Wouldn't surprise us if we've met a fair few. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What others do is up to them. I prefer to not play with people who are here without there partners knowledge, be honest so everyone has the chance to make their own choice. |
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"This could be a controversial view but we like playing with married men who say they are in loveless relationships. They are very eager and happy to do whatever we ask them to do. "
Has your mail box just exploded  |
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"This could be a controversial view but we like playing with married men who say they are in loveless relationships. They are very eager and happy to do whatever we ask them to do.
Has your mail box just exploded "
No. |
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"As a married man whose wife does not play you have two choices.
One is to be honest and say you are married followed by the excuse.
The second is to say noting and pretend you are divorced/ separated or single.
I know it is a dilemma but as a couple we do not want to be embroiled in the baggage or a divorce so we keep away.
Are we too judgemental and what do others do?"
Absolutely not, no.
It is your time and your time is precious. In our experience married men are far too unreliable. We also like to meet away from ours for the first meets and married men can’t accom or if they do then it is patently obvious that a woman lives there also. |
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I think as long as the other person in the relationship knows and is 100% cool with it
It's fine
Actually can be better as a lot of the time it can mean that you don't run the risk of a FWB developing too emotional
If that makes sense |
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"When I had a partner she preferred to meet with married men, simply because they had to be discreet. They are less likely to be picking up different women every weekend
there is a lot to be said for the discretion and care married man usually give xx"
Well said. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a married man whose wife does not play you have two choices.
One is to be honest and say you are married followed by the excuse.
The second is to say noting and pretend you are divorced/ separated or single.
I know it is a dilemma but as a couple we do not want to be embroiled in the baggage or a divorce so we keep away.
Are we too judgemental and what do others do?"
I think your conundrum shoukd be framed in terms of being judgemental towards the married guy pretending to be single but in terms of the consequences of your choice to go along or not with that guy deception knowingly. If the wife is not consenting and she discovers the truth, all drama, divorce, sadness, maybe children caught into that storm, and suffering from it too, etc. is obviously on the cheating guy primarily, but you cannot deny a part of responsability. Take an analogy, would you buy knowingly stolen goods? Knowingly lend a crowbar to a thief to break a house? Etc. |
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By *ady23Woman
over a year ago
Coventry |
"As a married man whose wife does not play you have two choices.
One is to be honest and say you are married followed by the excuse.
The second is to say noting and pretend you are divorced/ separated or single.
I know it is a dilemma but as a couple we do not want to be embroiled in the baggage or a divorce so we keep away.
Are we too judgemental and what do others do?"
Tend to agree with you on this one it's good that people are open and honest but you definitely don't want to get involved in a domestic so so they are clear but if they have lied then steer clear when that comes to the surface anyway |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a married man whose wife does not play you have two choices.
One is to be honest and say you are married followed by the excuse.
The second is to say noting and pretend you are divorced/ separated or single.
I know it is a dilemma but as a couple we do not want to be embroiled in the baggage or a divorce so we keep away.
Are we too judgemental and what do others do?"
It’s all up front and on my profile.
My wife does play, just separately from me because were now into different stuff.
Because it’s 50/50 and all in the open, there will never be any drama from it. |
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