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By *r Oreo OP Man
over a year ago
Croydon |
I've been here on and off for a while now (a lot of years!) and coming back this time I've noticed a lot more on the kink side of things with people posting more about Dom/sub, DDlg etc.
Just wondering if that's increased as people have gone out and learned more, if it's due to people branching out from kink to swinging and vice versa, or the 50 shades effect! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"One thing Fab has shown me is that there is room on here for every spectrum that's in anyway sex-related and hooray for that.
C"
It is a wonderful thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think people often crap all over 50 shades but it got more people talking about it and possibly looking into getting into kink stuff. It helped to normalise it.
The bdsm scene people can seem very elitist and unwelcoming.
Hopefully times are changing.  |
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"I tend to find the kink lifestyle more accommodating and less judgemental than the swinging lifestyle, perhaps as it's far wider and more encompassing of those on the fringes."
Internally possibly. But mention that you swing at a bdsm munch and see the responses lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"One thing Fab has shown me is that there is room on here for every spectrum that's in anyway sex-related and hooray for that.
C"
Agreed totally - as a Bi man I have noticed that over the last 5 years, we "The Fab's" members, are more open to discussing Bi men - with less negativity
J xx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I tend to find the kink lifestyle more accommodating and less judgemental than the swinging lifestyle, perhaps as it's far wider and more encompassing of those on the fringes.
Internally possibly. But mention that you swing at a bdsm munch and see the responses lol. "
I'm really surprised to read this as in my experience, a lot of kinksters have bascially progressed from the swinging scene into the fetish scene. I'm really sorry that this is your experience and for the record I'd never judge a swinger at a munch, we all have to start somewhere and a munch is meant to be a good place to start  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd say I started with more kink interest then found swinging, and I kind of assumed that the two went hand in hand which I quickly was proved wrong.
But I guess there are many learning curves in this lifestyle! |
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"I'd say I started with more kink interest then found swinging, and I kind of assumed that the two went hand in hand which I quickly was proved wrong.
But I guess there are many learning curves in this lifestyle!"
We found that, our kink was exhibitionism and voyeurism. Didn’t realize there was a much of a crossover into the swinging world with it |
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By *r Oreo OP Man
over a year ago
Croydon |
"Some kinksters are of the mindset that sex and kink don’t mix, others less so.
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I think that is spot on!
For me I enjoy both, but separately as different mindsets for me as swinging is more about sexual fun then mental connection which is more kink related. |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"I tend to find the kink lifestyle more accommodating and less judgemental than the swinging lifestyle, perhaps as it's far wider and more encompassing of those on the fringes.
Internally possibly. But mention that you swing at a bdsm munch and see the responses lol. "
I would have agreed with that say... 15/20 years ago when the majority of the kink scene was quite vocally monogamous and a large portion of it were almost victorianly aghast at the thought of combining bdsm and sex.
However plenty of the munches I've been to over the last 3-4 years have been much more open to swinging, poly etc, there is always the lack of sexual contact at bdsm clubs not held in swinging venues due to licencing etc... but even then more and more events are being held at swingers clubs etc (certainly oop north) |
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By *r Oreo OP Man
over a year ago
Croydon |
What is weird... Going to kink events, although there is far more open nudity, it's far less sexual than going to swinging clubs for some reason!
Maybe it is due to sex not being the reason the person is naked. |
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I had previously combined both and have taken a while to adjust. I think there is certainly room for crossover but many people at the kink events find separating the two and compartmentalising easier and less stressful.
I can see that now too. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"This I would agree with... I think for some in the kink community swinging isn't seen as a kink, but for many in there they do it, but not under the banner!"
I think it is slightly more complex. Because humans are complex.
I suspect swinging can be a gateway to kink, and vice versa.
If you look at the old school kink tradition as set in the Story of O there has always been a tradition in parts of the kink community of sharing subs sexually. There is also a tradition of some doms having a number of subs with whom the mainstsay of the relationship is sex. My suspicion is that those two traditions became stereotypes for BDSM and as a result lot of people in the bdsm community tried to get away from those stereotypes. Therefore when I started BDSM there were very anti swinger views in the kink community. The reason being swingers make BDSM all about sex whereas for a significant number in the community it is an optional componant of bdsm. There are those doms that only bring sex to the the table and nothing else for the submissives. I call these "sex Dom's", which is fine if it works for the submissive. Aligned to this and which popped up in another thread) is the "subslut" the BDSM equivalent of a "greedy girl" where the dynamic is very much sexual and the Dom directs the sub's sexual play as they see fit. However the subslut has become a porn stereotype e.g "Pascal-s Subsluts", and in porn and in the media "subs" and " subsluts" have wrongly become interchangeable.
There have been other threads about the swinging crossover with kink, I am not a fan of the crossover. This is because these events tend to attract people who are there for sex and have the wrong behaviours in respect of the BDSM and BDSM scenes. On the other side those who do sexually orientated BDSM complained of being looked down on by those into BDSM.
I think the consensus view that was reached was events should be clear in their advertising whether it is a BDSM event with some swinging or swinging event with some BDSM. Likewise when discussing relationships it should be clear whether it is sexually orientated BDSM or broader.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There have been other threads about the swinging crossover with kink, I am not a fan of the crossover. This is because these events tend to attract people who are there for sex and have the wrong behaviours in respect of the BDSM and BDSM scenes. On the other side those who do sexually orientated BDSM complained of being looked down on by those into BDSM."
It just seems an exhausting way of getting your rocks off.
Now I'm off to tie up my wife, smother her in marmite and spank her nipples with a shoelace dipped in deep heat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll do whatever I want, to enjoy myself.
I don't give a fuck what people want to call it and I don't need to be part of a gang to validate myself. "
Love this! |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"There have been other threads about the swinging crossover with kink, I am not a fan of the crossover. This is because these events tend to attract people who are there for sex and have the wrong behaviours in respect of the BDSM and BDSM scenes. On the other side those who do sexually orientated BDSM complained of being looked down on by those into BDSM.
It just seems an exhausting way of getting your rocks off.
Now I'm off to tie up my wife, smother her in marmite and spank her nipples with a shoelace dipped in deep heat."
People do not realise how exhausting toping/or domming is. It is alright for subs/bottomas to require beating, tying , and smothering in substances, but when do we top/doms rest? We are as wel constantly having to devise newer and more dastardly activities. You need a constitution of ox and the imagination of a friend!
I am off for another power shake and load carbs ahead of my next scene. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve developed my kinky tastes since joining fab and getting corrupted.
There are lots of us on the forum who are into Ddlg, but it can be hard to be open about it, because it is one of those very emotive issues. A lot of people don’t understand the intricacies of it, and make assumptions, but the more we walk about it, the more out in the open it is.
I love that, for the most part I can be open about it, because it’s an important part of my life.
When topics such as Ddlg,kink,D/s are sensibly maturely discussed, they can be a great learning opportunity for those that are curious and open minded. I’ve had messages to that effect many times.
We are what we are and that should be ok.
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"I'll do whatever I want, to enjoy myself.
I don't give a fuck what people want to call it and I don't need to be part of a gang to validate myself.
Love this!"
In kink Everyone can do their own thing. But being part of "community" is not necessarily being part of gang but being part of a community which helps people learn to do things safely. Some people need validation that they are not weird and knowing there is community and meeting others helps them.
People in the kink community successfully challenged the view that being into BDSM was a mental illness. They also alert and where possible challenge laws. People in the community provide education. There is a huge amount of information produced on various kinks and how to do the activities safely. A lot of people just jump into kink and get badly burned. There are people trying to prevent that happening.
I attend peer rope events that teach basic rope techniques and safety. If you do bedroom bondage do you need to attend these to do rope? Clearly not. Do they help people and people have fun and learn information which they can take home? I would answer, yes.
Althoug the only constants in kink are informed consent and safety,it is bit like the gay movement. You don't have to be part of gay pride if you are gay. But I think the existence of the movement is similarly helpful for the reasons described above. |
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