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Dominant or Alpha?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi beautiful people! I'm new on Fab & new to swinging, so please excuse my ignorance - I am trying to learn. I'd appreciate some advice on terminology please, so that I don't get more than I bargained for or waste anyone's time.
I like a guy to take control in the bedroom - hair pulling, spanking, throwing me around, pushing boundaries, restraining my arms with their body strength, telling me what to do.
Am I asking for a Dom, dominant male, alpha male or something different entirely? X
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dom is just an abbreviation of dominant so Dom and dominant male are the same thing. For me alpha male is a description of his personality rather than whether he’s dominant in the bedroom or not, I think an alpha male is a leader, confident, strong, rugged, charismatic etc but doesn’t necessarily have to be dominant in the bedroom. I’ve been with dominant men who are far from alpha in everyday life but were very dominant with me and it was almost like they were taking out their lack of confidence and manliness on me and making up for what they perceived to be a weakness by being excessively strict and controlling with me, because they knew they easily could. I’m sure, conversely, there are alpha males who are very gentle and passionate lovers.
The most important thing is finding someone who’s right for you and matches your needs and desires as a Dom can be anything from someone who owns and controls you 24/7 to someone who ties you up and spanks you during sex so it’s not as simple as just saying you’re looking for a Dom. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you so much for your insight, it's been really useful to read. Xx"
No worries, I have a lot of experience with dominant men and would be happy to discuss it further with you if you wish? |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
My own view is that very few people ever agree on definitions in the BDSM scene. Also a fair number of people don't believe in definitions as labels.
Your best bet is to try and understand what abilities and aptitude you want from the other person in the relationship and seek the people who can deliver on those. However, that is easier said than done. Because the scene is full of people who may be mistaken about their abilities and aptitude or quite happy to lie about them.
You also have the problem of whether you connect with them, and also if attractiveness is a criterion, finding someone attractive. Also, that they find you interesting.
Put all that together it is not easy to find the right play partner.
The fact that the play you want appears to be based around the bedroom means you will have plenty of applicants.
The usual advice is to take your time and get to know people well before getting involved with them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thank you so much for your insight, it's been really useful to read. Xx
No worries, I have a lot of experience with dominant men and would be happy to discuss it further with you if you wish?"
I would very much appreciate that, thank you xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My own view is that very few people ever agree on definitions in the BDSM scene. Also a fair number of people don't believe in definitions as labels.
Your best bet is to try and understand what abilities and aptitude you want from the other person in the relationship and seek the people who can deliver on those. However, that is easier said than done. Because the scene is full of people who may be mistaken about their abilities and aptitude or quite happy to lie about them.
You also have the problem of whether you connect with them, and also if attractiveness is a criterion, finding someone attractive. Also, that they find you interesting.
Put all that together it is not easy to find the right play partner.
The fact that the play you want appears to be based around the bedroom means you will have plenty of applicants.
The usual advice is to take your time and get to know people well before getting involved with them."
Thank you for the great advice x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Imo, many many men will label themselves Dom or alpha without knowing what it really means and regardless of if this is them or not. It's go to labels as they believe most women want it. And they will pretend to be that person to get laid.
My advice is look for show don't tell. Unless it is clear a man who labels as Dom understands what it really means, don't go there. Go for the ones that you feel have that energy. |
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By *atenaWoman
over a year ago
Hyde |
Maybe you're just looking for a person whom has similar likes and kinks.... no need to label?
As others have said... Dominant can be a wide variety or types and intensity.
So it's all down to honest and open communication!
Good luck in finding that  |
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By *J GeminiTV/TS
over a year ago
Northumberland |
"Hi beautiful people! I'm new on Fab & new to swinging, so please excuse my ignorance - I am trying to learn. I'd appreciate some advice on terminology please, so that I don't get more than I bargained for or waste anyone's time.
I like a guy to take control in the bedroom - hair pulling, spanking, throwing me around, pushing boundaries, restraining my arms with their body strength, telling me what to do.
Am I asking for a Dom, dominant male, alpha male or something different entirely? X
"
How about a dom TV   ,
Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi beautiful people! I'm new on Fab & new to swinging, so please excuse my ignorance - I am trying to learn. I'd appreciate some advice on terminology please, so that I don't get more than I bargained for or waste anyone's time.
I like a guy to take control in the bedroom - hair pulling, spanking, throwing me around, pushing boundaries, restraining my arms with their body strength, telling me what to do.
Am I asking for a Dom, dominant male, alpha male or something different entirely? X
How about a dom TV ,
Xx"
I love serving Dom TV’s, it’s a shame you aren’t interested in single men. |
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As others have already said the term dominant can cover a broad spectrum. Based on previous forum threads you will usually find that anyone who labels themselves as an alpha male is definitely not one.
The same can often be said for a dom. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi beautiful people! I'm new on Fab & new to swinging, so please excuse my ignorance - I am trying to learn. I'd appreciate some advice on terminology please, so that I don't get more than I bargained for or waste anyone's time.
I like a guy to take control in the bedroom - hair pulling, spanking, throwing me around, pushing boundaries, restraining my arms with their body strength, telling me what to do.
Am I asking for a Dom, dominant male, alpha male or something different entirely? X
"
Based on your posy and your profile you're looking for for confident dominant man, you can trust and feel safe around. No need to complicate things with a lot of terms but you should be able as a woman to sus a guy out and know what he is or isn't and several conversations and a social first is definitely will definitely help.
Also feel free to do your own research on this and when you feel comfortable, I'm sure you'll find a lovely chap who will handle your needs, happy fabbing xx |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
IMO dominant and Dom are not the same thing. Plenty of Dom’s are not rough or aggressive in the bedroom, and plenty of dominant men have no interest in power exchange.
Alpha as a label is also a bit cringy and comes crom the discredited belief that an alpha male runs the pack. Men labelling themselves alphas are usually far from it, as even if you believe in that label alpha men do not need to broadcast it themselves.
It sounds like what you are after is someone that shares the same sexual interests as you, a bit of rough housing. Forget the labels, just talk to people you find interesting and try and find sexual compatability.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Imo, many many men will label themselves Dom or alpha without knowing what it really means and regardless of if this is them or not. It's go to labels as they believe most women want it. And they will pretend to be that person to get laid.
My advice is look for show don't tell. Unless it is clear a man who labels as Dom understands what it really means, don't go there. Go for the ones that you feel have that energy. "
Excellent advice, thank you. I'll take that on board xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Maybe you're just looking for a person whom has similar likes and kinks.... no need to label?
As others have said... Dominant can be a wide variety or types and intensity.
So it's all down to honest and open communication!
Good luck in finding that "
Thank you lovely! Your comment has really made me think & I believe you're right, it's not about a label - it's about me asking for what I want - which is actually very empowering!
Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Power exchange is an important feature and knowing when and how is very important particularly when one partner needs relieving from their day job which is often opposite to their bdsm need for relief |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hi beautiful people! I'm new on Fab & new to swinging, so please excuse my ignorance - I am trying to learn. I'd appreciate some advice on terminology please, so that I don't get more than I bargained for or waste anyone's time.
I like a guy to take control in the bedroom - hair pulling, spanking, throwing me around, pushing boundaries, restraining my arms with their body strength, telling me what to do.
Am I asking for a Dom, dominant male, alpha male or something different entirely? X
Based on your posy and your profile you're looking for for confident dominant man, you can trust and feel safe around. No need to complicate things with a lot of terms but you should be able as a woman to sus a guy out and know what he is or isn't and several conversations and a social first is definitely will definitely help.
Also feel free to do your own research on this and when you feel comfortable, I'm sure you'll find a lovely chap who will handle your needs, happy fabbing xx"
You've absolutely hit the nail on the head with your observations- trust & feeling safe are absolutely what I require! Thank you for your advice, it has made me realise that I'm already doing some of the right things to attract the type of person I'd like to meet. But that there's a few other things I can start to do too xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"IMO dominant and Dom are not the same thing. Plenty of Dom’s are not rough or aggressive in the bedroom, and plenty of dominant men have no interest in power exchange.
Alpha as a label is also a bit cringy and comes crom the discredited belief that an alpha male runs the pack. Men labelling themselves alphas are usually far from it, as even if you believe in that label alpha men do not need to broadcast it themselves.
It sounds like what you are after is someone that shares the same sexual interests as you, a bit of rough housing. Forget the labels, just talk to people you find interesting and try and find sexual compatability.
"
That makes total sense, I shall be dropping the term Alpha from my vocabulary! Thank you x |
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By *andemanMan
over a year ago
bedforshire |
Some excellent advice here for you OP from some knowledgeable people.
Two basic types of Dom=BDSM physical dominant and the Deminant=more phycogical (not to be confused with the creepy scary coercive control fuckwits)
A pyc Dom is physical throw you about the bed spank your bum and have you as they please dirty talk and commanding.
A BDSM Dom will likely be all of the above and have knowledge and skill with tools. Whips chains rope paddles and more.
The thing to remember is safety. Its Pantomime its play its mutual. Respect is the difference between a Dom and an abuser.
Gauge the other persons respectfulness and you should not go far wrong which ever basic type you choose. |
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By *ennyTSTV/TS
over a year ago
Southend |
I also enjoy the scenarios described. It is so difficult to find that experienced male especially at a first meet.
As has been said and through meeting others, once you know someone a little, it really is a lot easier. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"IMO dominant and Dom are not the same thing. Plenty of Dom’s are not rough or aggressive in the bedroom, and plenty of dominant men have no interest in power exchange.
Alpha as a label is also a bit cringy and comes crom the discredited belief that an alpha male runs the pack. Men labelling themselves alphas are usually far from it, as even if you believe in that label alpha men do not need to broadcast it themselves.
It sounds like what you are after is someone that shares the same sexual interests as you, a bit of rough housing. Forget the labels, just talk to people you find interesting and try and find sexual compatability.
"
Absolutely agree with all you've said. Dom and dominant male are not the same. And once you have some experience it quickly becomes clear if a man is into D/s power exchange. That's a mindset all of its own. But I still think the labels can get in the way a lot. Start with a connection. |
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