FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Couples Vs single experience
Couples Vs single experience
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Wow, I knew it was tough for single guys but my experience has stunned me.
As a couple, we managed to get quite a bit of attention and had some great meets.
I've been on as a single guy for well over 6 months and I don't even get a reply to any messages. Not even just a friendly "thanks but no thanks". I know I'm no Adonis, but I don't think I'm fugly. It's actually quite demoralising.
Anyone else have have a similar experience?
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
It's really hard for single guys. We've worked out that based on us doing one meet per week (it's probably less) with some of them being guys we've met before, we only need two or three new guys each month. With just ten offers per day (it's usually more) then that's 300 guys each month and we need three....just 1% are likely to be successful.
The numbers are very, very much against even the best looking and presented single guys.
(Bry) |
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Yeah I know deep down it's just a numbers issue. Gets you down a bit though. I used to just think all single guys were a pain in the backside and very thirsty, but I empathise with the single guys now. Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's hard for single guys on here. I still have plenty of profile views, good amount of friends and some nice meets occasionally. So it's not so bad to be honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've been in the position where its blatantly obvious that the only reason we for the meet was because they wanted to play with me... Its almost like hubby was a plus one... Not how we like to roll.. Actually ended more than one meet early because of this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow, I knew it was tough for single guys but my experience has stunned me.
As a couple, we managed to get quite a bit of attention and had some great meets.
I've been on as a single guy for well over 6 months and I don't even get a reply to any messages. Not even just a friendly "thanks but no thanks". I know I'm no Adonis, but I don't think I'm fugly. It's actually quite demoralising.
Anyone else have have a similar experience?
"
I take the time to reply as it costs nothing to be polite. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Meeting as a couple or a single is very different. I get more messages as a single than as a couple.
Men in couples often get very elitist in their attitudes to men but forget they are one.
They have a very different experience without pussy bait. |
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"Meeting as a couple or a single is very different. I get more messages as a single than as a couple.
Men in couples often get very elitist in their attitudes to men but forget they are one.
They have a very different experience without pussy bait."
I wouldn't say I was elitist but I definitely had a different view on single guys when I was on here as a couple. I get it now though.
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I take the time to reply as it costs nothing to be polite. "
To be honest I know how many messages the ladies get (and their horrifying content sometimes!) from seeing my wife's single account. So I know replying to everyone is incredibly unlikely! So if you are doing that I tip my hat and send huge respect your way! |
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"We've been in the position where its blatantly obvious that the only reason we for the meet was because they wanted to play with me... Its almost like hubby was a plus one... Not how we like to roll.. Actually ended more than one meet early because of this "
Yeah admittedly that happened a lot too. Both the men AND women were clearly more interested in my wife. I did feel a bit of a gooseberry lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I take the time to reply as it costs nothing to be polite.
To be honest I know how many messages the ladies get (and their horrifying content sometimes!) from seeing my wife's single account. So I know replying to everyone is incredibly unlikely! So if you are doing that I tip my hat and send huge respect your way!"
We are a couples account, don’t get me wrong people get blocked if they continue messaging trying to persuade after we have politely said no. On the whole I think most appreciate a message back and some even seem surprised. |
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"We are a couples account, don’t get me wrong people get blocked if they continue messaging trying to persuade after we have politely said no. On the whole I think most appreciate a message back and some even seem surprised. "
Yes and unfortunately there are plenty that need blocking  our blocklist was crazy long! |
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"Most people on here want to meet women not men, it's as simple as that."
In our experience it's quite difficult to meet decent men.
The ones who already attend parties etc are fine but some, not all, single guys we have met are not quite up to what they describe in their profile.
Add that to a massive amount of timewasters, it's a chore.
Can we just add, the guys we meet at parties and GB's at present are lovely. 
Don't want to piss on our chips. |
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"Meeting as a couple or a single is very different. I get more messages as a single than as a couple.
Men in couples often get very elitist in their attitudes to men but forget they are one.
They have a very different experience without pussy bait."
Yes, I’ve noticed this online mostly… though the male halves of couples I’ve met in person the experience has been to the polar opposite… I’ve had couples tell me it’s not easy to meet other couples as having an attraction and chemistry between 2 people is a challenge let alone 3 or 4 |
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"... we have met are not quite up to what they describe in their profile.
Add that to a massive amount of timewasters, it's a chore."
I feel there's also a misunderstanding of "Swinging". I think everyone has their own opinion on what swinging is, but for me cheating and hookups ain't it. It muddies the waters for genuine swingers. I'm ENM and swinging with a view to a potential poly relationship in the future. But most single women seem to find that hard to comprehend and just think I'm a cheater, which kinda sucks because my wife is the love of my life! |
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"We've been in the position where its blatantly obvious that the only reason we for the meet was because they wanted to play with me... Its almost like hubby was a plus one... Not how we like to roll.. Actually ended more than one meet early because of this "
When I meet couples it is almost always those where the husband really enjoys watching his wife enjoy herself. I like to meet couples and have a good social time with them but the physical side of our “relationship” is for her not him IMHO. |
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"Yes, I’ve noticed this online mostly… though the male halves of couples I’ve met in person the experience has been to the polar opposite… I’ve had couples tell me it’s not easy to meet other couples as having an attraction and chemistry between 2 people is a challenge let alone 3 or 4 "
When we met in fours, we always got on with the other couple, but admittedly it was normally a better experience for wifey lol.
We had a single guy meet us a couple of times for a threesome and he was a really nice guy. He was polite and friendly. And watching him screwing the wife was such an amazing turn on! Not sure if that's the same experience we'd have with other guys but I thought it was brilliant fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had the same experience while in a couple here on fab. It’s an entirely different thing as a single man - definitely more difficult to stand out. As a couple I’ve met some amazing people, some who I am still friends with to this day! Not sure what a club as a single guy is like but I imagine it’s similar to fab? |
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"I had the same experience while in a couple here on fab. It’s an entirely different thing as a single man - definitely more difficult to stand out. As a couple I’ve met some amazing people, some who I am still friends with to this day! Not sure what a club as a single guy is like but I imagine it’s similar to fab?"
Yeah I've been to Pleasures a few times with the wife and it's fun, but not sure I'd want to go solo. I suspect it'll be a sausagefest and I'll have a similar experience lol |
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"We always reply to single guys.. even if it’s a polite no thank you.. considering we seem to be meeting more single guys than cpls lately."
Keep up the great work! I'm sure your local singles really appreciate the polite responses  . I'd rather have a polite thanks but no thanks, but also understand why messages often don't get any replies.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Meeting as a couple or a single is very different. I get more messages as a single than as a couple.
Men in couples often get very elitist in their attitudes to men but forget they are one.
They have a very different experience without pussy bait."
Yes I agree |
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"We always reply to single guys.. even if it’s a polite no thank you.. considering we seem to be meeting more single guys than cpls lately.
Keep up the great work! I'm sure your local singles really appreciate the polite responses . I'd rather have a polite thanks but no thanks, but also understand why messages often don't get any replies.
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We always reply to everyone if they have read our profile.
If not, it's a block.
Saves so much time in long run. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We find a lot of single aren't interested in talking to both of us just the woman. You have to impress us both not just her! We always try and reply even if it's a no but get so many messages daily it's hard. |
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By *igfun911Man
over a year ago
East Lancashire |
It's not so easy I have to say, think the amount of dreamers and guys pretending to be a couple doesn't help either.
Stick with it, I'm sure it will happen.
Helps when the guy actually wants to meet and have fun with both halves of the couple and not just the woman as well. |
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"Helps when the guy actually wants to meet and have fun with both halves of the couple and not just the woman as well. "
Yeah when I was on as part of a couple whenever a guy reached out and blatantly ignored me just wanting to get in her kickers I found it very rude, so I always make sure to include the partner in my first email when I'm introducing myself and saying hi.
I still don't get any replies, but my conscious is clear
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We have couple's profile, and each of us has got single profile as we do play separately. We get barely any interest on our couple's profile, some on single ones (Miss Devil more than Mr Beast) but we make effort. We don't stick to Fab only, we go to organised socials and clubs. It only takes meeting this one person and you're set- our social life has never been so busy. A few times already we had to make a choice between a club or private house party, which is great! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We both had singles profiles before creating this one. It was a full time job being the bkunvmcer on hers, while, the sane as you, I got little response on mine. There was a couple I'd been invited to meet but largely, it is demoralising. Much prefer having a couples account. People are so much more open to chatting, even if it's just friendly, every day stuff. Like it's always said, it's simply a numbers game. I deleted any message without having the correct title in the headline as they clearly hadn't read her bio. Literally hundreds a day. |
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"..but we make effort. We don't stick to Fab only, we go to organised socials and clubs"
Easier said than done. When playing as a couple we went to clubs and parties, but playing solo I'll have to go to the sausagefest nights lol and won't get a sniff. Lol |
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"Much prefer having a couples account. People are so much more open to chatting, even if it's just friendly, every day stuff."
Lol same! Had much more interaction and friendly chats through the couples account. But she's not playing now and I refuse to be one of "those" blokes using a couples account solo. Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Much prefer having a couples account. People are so much more open to chatting, even if it's just friendly, every day stuff.
Lol same! Had much more interaction and friendly chats through the couples account. But she's not playing now and I refuse to be one of "those" blokes using a couples account solo. Lol"
Always beat to be honest though, even if it hinders your chances of a meet. When I had single one, it stared I had an amazing partner who fully encouraged and supported me down this path but, still pit most off as they assume you're just another gobshite |
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"Always beat to be honest though, even if it hinders your chances of a meet. When I had single one, it stared I had an amazing partner who fully encouraged and supported me down this path but, still pit most off as they assume you're just another gobshite"
Entirely agree with you. I am honest even though it means I crash and burn. I refuse to compromise and lie to get my dick wet (sorry crass phrase), it's not fair, especially on other sites I'm on that aren't so sex positive. I'd rather have a really big right arm than hurt someone. |
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My experience has mostly been positive. I don't send messages so every conversation is initiated by others.
In saying that I get very few messages and I'm ok with that because I don't have the time or energy to carry on multiple conversations.
Most of my negative experiences while chatting have been with couples however.
I have received a number of first messages with a list of instructions I must follow before they will consider putting me on their to do list (their words not mine).
Other conversations that have carried on for a while have been brought to a sudden halt as soon as the male half gets involved.
Once the demands and instructions start I end contact.
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By *lansmanMan
over a year ago
Sheffield |
"My experience has mostly been positive. I don't send messages so every conversation is initiated by others.
In saying that I get very few messages and I'm ok with that because I don't have the time or energy to carry on multiple conversations.
Most of my negative experiences while chatting have been with couples however.
I have received a number of first messages with a list of instructions I must follow before they will consider putting me on their to do list (their words not mine).
Other conversations that have carried on for a while have been brought to a sudden halt as soon as the male half gets involved.
Once the demands and instructions start I end contact.
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I have a similar experience as the OP and yourself. I know for sure how bad it gets with SOME single guys being dicks , but wow , the hoops and excuses and crap from couples is apparently justified for some reason. Its just down to shear numbers which allows couples to be " choosy" |
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"Single guys often make it hard for themselves. Poor messaging, unsolicited dick pics, and lack of respect for preferences and profiles."
Yes I'm aware many do, but hard as it is, remember not all single guys are the same. Just like not all single ladies and couples are respectful and approachable 
There just happens to be more single guys so its more obvious
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"My experience has mostly been positive. I don't send messages so every conversation is initiated by others.
Wow. Must be nice being so damned sexy that you don't even need to try. Lol"
On the contrary. I've already made the effort with my profile and continue to do so with forum interaction. |
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I'm sad to see how people have experienced how some couples can be.
We always try to be down to earth, never elitist, luckily I don't really have a "type" of guy I play with, if he can make me laugh and engage my mind then he's half way there.
As for a list of dos and don'ts and hoops to jump through, yes it's OK to have your rules to ensure everyone enjoys the experience but blimey it's not an application to Mi5.
Everyone needs to remember to just be kind.
I'm going to spend this week trying to reply to si gle guys even with a no thankyou and see if it makes any difference to my experience as I have been known to just delete rubbish messages cus time is short. I'll try this week tho  |
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"On the contrary. I've already made the effort with my profile and continue to do so with forum interaction. "
Lol no readie - no writie!
I like "no soap, no grope".
Tbf you look good. That's half the battle lol. If I was a cisgender heterosexual woman I would be messaging you too!
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If you can handle rejection and just keep it polite the experience ain’t so bad, that’s not taking away at how difficult it is to be a single male on here simply because of how choosy couples are plus the added time wasters you’d have to deal with. It’s a supply and demand situation, there is more guys than women and couples so their demands can be ridiculous at times and it is what it is at times. That said most couples on here are overly entitled for example they hate winks but use winks on singles than just being polite and msg us like how they expect us to be with them. Same way having too many verifications can be off putting while having too little is also off putting. So it’s a real struggle of trying to balance out the experience on here, can’t even say clubs are friendly to single males either since they milk single guys to the point it where it feels like we ain’t even wanted there. |
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"If you can handle rejection and just keep it polite the experience ain’t so bad, that’s not taking away at how difficult it is to be a single male on here simply because of how choosy couples are plus the added time wasters you’d have to deal with. It’s a supply and demand situation, there is more guys than women and couples so their demands can be ridiculous at times and it is what it is at times. That said most couples on here are overly entitled for example they hate winks but use winks on singles than just being polite and msg us like how they expect us to be with them. Same way having too many verifications can be off putting while having too little is also off putting. So it’s a real struggle of trying to balance out the experience on here, can’t even say clubs are friendly to single males either since they milk single guys to the point it where it feels like we ain’t even wanted there. "
Yes so true. I can see from a business perspective why they do it, it's an attempt at addressing the balance by pricing out a lot of guys. Unfortunately with higher cost of admission comes a sense of entitlement to some guys. They feel they've spent more so should be entitled to get some action. Swings and roundabouts 
And yes totally with you on the odd etiquette. Some like winks, some don't. Most don't like dick pics, some actually ask for them! Some want friend requests, some will block you. And then some would love you to open with graphic detail about what you want to do to them, whereas others would block you thinking you are disgusting.
So many rules, you'll never get it right. All you can do is be yourself and hope that's good enough. Admittedly that's not working for me though lol!!! |
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“So many rules, you'll never get it right. All you can do is be yourself and hope that's good enough. Admittedly that's not working for me though lol!!!”—— this part here, it’s important to stay true to your own needs than try to please couple of females so you just get your dick wet.
I think even Brad Pitt would get rejected by women he wouldn’t even dream of talking to on here because they’re simply in demand.
Some of us are ok with the long game to get what we truly want and stay away from clubs because the stories about singles males in club are just like here if you go without a female you’ll either look like a pest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you can handle rejection and just keep it polite the experience ain’t so bad, that’s not taking away at how difficult it is to be a single male on here simply because of how choosy couples are plus the added time wasters you’d have to deal with. It’s a supply and demand situation, there is more guys than women and couples so their demands can be ridiculous at times and it is what it is at times. That said most couples on here are overly entitled for example they hate winks but use winks on singles than just being polite and msg us like how they expect us to be with them. Same way having too many verifications can be off putting while having too little is also off putting. So it’s a real struggle of trying to balance out the experience on here, can’t even say clubs are friendly to single males either since they milk single guys to the point it where it feels like we ain’t even wanted there. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we only reply to those who we may be interested in .... learnt a long long time ago that trying to answer more brought nothing but abuse or pathetic ''oh please'' give me a chance ...
and the same on others sites being polite really gets you no where ..shame but facts..
we always played alone and together for years but the last 10years he stopped we played together or me alone but was saying a few weeks ago that now as a single man fab has become a fantasy for most men ...and just look how many join daily compared to couples or women ..its only going to get worse...
as a couple we deal with the shere numbers of men by pre blocking on the homepage i suspect at least 80% of local men are already on our block list ... to make our life easier |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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most of the guys we meet we met in a club at some point and clicked so feel comferble enought to meet at home so dont listen to those who say dont go to a club because they have a bad name ?? onny the guys who act like idiots get the bad name not all...
if i was a guy looking to get on to the scene then 100% try a club be nice be cool and you'll get the biggest quickest introduction to swinging you can get once you get 2 or 3 play veris then youll be on your way ... |
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"most of the guys we meet we met in a club at some point and clicked so feel comferble enought to meet at home so dont listen to those who say dont go to a club because they have a bad name ?? onny the guys who act like idiots get the bad name not all...
if i was a guy looking to get on to the scene then 100% try a club be nice be cool and you'll get the biggest quickest introduction to swinging you can get once you get 2 or 3 play veris then youll be on your way ... "
It's not always that simple though. The club scene in Ireland is nothing like it is over there. There are only a couple of them and the closest to me is 100+ km away. The other is at the opposite end of the country.They are only open one or two nights a month and are by invitation only. I'm not into the club scene anyway and don't need to worry about veris etc but I'm sure there are lots of other areas that are similar. |
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Just goes to show how difference the experience couples have vs single guys, because a single guy going to a club alone and getting ignored because other single guys are being idiots just means they won’t return to the club add that single guys generally pay double to enter clubs.
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"We always reply to single guys.. even if it’s a polite no thank you.. considering we seem to be meeting more single guys than cpls lately."
We did the same, always polite and always reply then we started getting pestered, repeat messages after saying no thanks and some guys will follow up weeks later asking things like treat your wife to a big this and that,forced us to put the block on. Appreciate not everyone is like that but seeing we are currently seeing couples only, guess setting filters saves everyone time. |
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"onny the guys who act like idiots get the bad name not all...
"
The way you're talking about single guys in general it looks like all single guys ARE being tarred with the same brush as those idiots that can't take no for an answer. The fact you've experienced so many idiots and the way you now handle Comms with them highlights exactly why it's so hard for genuine swingers guys. 1) there's too many of us 2) too many idiots screwing it up for the rest of us.
I don't need an "introduction" to swinging. I've been doing it on and off for 4 years, but this is the first time I've been doing it solo. My post it just really to highlight the stark difference between the couples experience and the single guys experience.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know what you mean by that. But I always like to reply to people who go to the trouble of sending me a message. It's only manners. I agree with you about single guys not getting as much attention as couples or single girls |
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"Wow, I knew it was tough for single guys but my experience has stunned me.
As a couple, we managed to get quite a bit of attention and had some great meets.
I've been on as a single guy for well over 6 months and I don't even get a reply to any messages. Not even just a friendly "thanks but no thanks". I know I'm no Adonis, but I don't think I'm fugly. It's actually quite demoralising.
Anyone else have have a similar experience?
"
It happens and I know the feeling well, sadly I think it is much harder for single guys on here as there are so many for women and couples to choose from, yes it can be a bit demoralising when you keep sending messages and don't get any response but remember they don't have to reply, I take no response as a polite no thankyou but if a message is unread and not deleted dont delete it yourself as I have had responses weeks later and found out that they had only just got to it as a lot of women on here get 100s of messages a day and it takes ages to go through them. Keep your chin up and happy fabbing you will find someone eventually |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
It can be hard for everyone on fab to find people they want to meet, single’s or couples, who also want to meet them. All too often its a one way attraction/desire.
The reality is its a buyers market, and if they don’t want what you are selling then theres not much you can do to change their mind.
Just don’t let it get you down. Fab should not be your only social interaction with people. |
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"It can be hard for everyone on fab to find people they want to meet, single’s or couples, who also want to meet them. All too often its a one way attraction/desire.
The reality is its a buyers market, and if they don’t want what you are selling then theres not much you can do to change their mind.
Just don’t let it get you down. Fab should not be your only social interaction with people."
Absolutely spot on and I understand I can't change anything.
Ive been sending nice hello and welcome to fab type messages since June this year and not had a single lady or couple reply to even chat. That must be a good 200-300 messages and 99% of those are deleted without a response or just left unread. Everything else is basically a not interested.
Logically I know exactly why I don't get responses, but emotionally it's draining.
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