FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Single guys playing hard to get
Single guys playing hard to get
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Is it only me that has noticed this phenomenon? We get a huge volume of mail from single guys desperately seeking a meet.
Then when they get an actual real life genuine invitation they suddenly go quiet!
First they don't bother responding to messages. Next they don't even bother to open them. Even when we can see they are logged on and posting status messages complaining they can't get meets!
This has happened to us on numerous occasions over the years.
Anyone else? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it only me that has noticed this phenomenon? We get a huge volume of mail from single guys desperately seeking a meet.
Then when they get an actual real life genuine invitation they suddenly go quiet!
First they don't bother responding to messages. Next they don't even bother to open them. Even when we can see they are logged on and posting status messages complaining they can't get meets!
This has happened to us on numerous occasions over the years.
Anyone else?"
Newbies and chancers who for me have spoilt fab over the last few years. Fab seems to be a victim of its own success and has attracted a lot of people who are not genuine swingers.
I might be wrong but it's certainly harder for me now to even get a response to an email. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it only me that has noticed this phenomenon? We get a huge volume of mail from single guys desperately seeking a meet.
Then when they get an actual real life genuine invitation they suddenly go quiet!
First they don't bother responding to messages. Next they don't even bother to open them. Even when we can see they are logged on and posting status messages complaining they can't get meets!
This has happened to us on numerous occasions over the years.
Anyone else?"
How many is numerous? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Guess it’s the nature of the site….
Sometimes it’s a confidence thing where people get cold feet, some people use the site to chat to get off, others a confidence boost.
The sorting the wheat from the chaff seems harder but what can you do  |
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"Been know to work both ways .. I’ve seen profiles and I think awesome i fit the bill exchange a few nice messages then comes to the crunch radio silence .. so feel your pain …"
I just struggle to understand why someone jumps at a chance to meet. Then gives a cold shoulder?
Invariably they resurface a day or 2 after the meet with some ridiculous excuse looking for another chance to meet.
As if. Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes it happens all the time…….it’s why genuine guys get tarred with the same brush. I/we get hounded for meets and then when it’s offered on a plate suddenly it’s the “I’ve been drinking, can you drive a 100 mile round trip to see me” or the “Oh I can’t do tonight” even though they’re replied to a status looking FOR TONIGHT! So many wannabes
Fiona xx |
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"Is it only me that has noticed this phenomenon? We get a huge volume of mail from single guys desperately seeking a meet.
Then when they get an actual real life genuine invitation they suddenly go quiet!
First they don't bother responding to messages. Next they don't even bother to open them. Even when we can see they are logged on and posting status messages complaining they can't get meets!
This has happened to us on numerous occasions over the years.
Anyone else?
How many is numerous?"
Hard to say over the years but easily 20 plus.
In our early days on fab it caught us out a few times leaving us all dressed up with nowhere to go.
Now we always have to prepare back up plans. Extra hassle. |
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You get this a lot and they are so called TIMEWASTERS lol
I would recommend before jumping into a conversation with a person, check their profile properly by having a recent verification from a well verified person , not just from a random person with one or two veris. After checking this, send them a face pic, I always think that mutual attraction comes 1st. there's no point chatting endless and find out to late that there is no physical attraction! It has happen to me and I just had to decline the offer instantly and there's a time when you are talking to someone and just because they are so nice as persons you just feel awkward to refuse them so they don't take it as an offence and then comes the moment when you start loosing interest.
Hope this helps  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it only me that has noticed this phenomenon? We get a huge volume of mail from single guys desperately seeking a meet.
Then when they get an actual real life genuine invitation they suddenly go quiet!
First they don't bother responding to messages. Next they don't even bother to open them. Even when we can see they are logged on and posting status messages complaining they can't get meets!
This has happened to us on numerous occasions over the years.
Anyone else?"
My god!!! You were turned down after inviting them to play??? Definitely chancers who spoil it for us genuine polite guys ffs x |
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"You get this a lot and they are so called TIMEWASTERS lol
I would recommend before jumping into a conversation with a person, check their profile properly by having a recent verification from a well verified person , not just from a random person with one or two veris. After checking this, send them a face pic, I always think that mutual attraction comes 1st. there's no point chatting endless and find out to late that there is no physical attraction! It has happen to me and I just had to decline the offer instantly and there's a time when you are talking to someone and just because they are so nice as persons you just feel awkward to refuse them so they don't take it as an offence and then comes the moment when you start loosing interest.
Hope this helps "
Thanks. Been on fab for many years so we are pretty wise to all the tricks.
Just blowing off steam. |
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"Is it only me that has noticed this phenomenon? We get a huge volume of mail from single guys desperately seeking a meet.
Then when they get an actual real life genuine invitation they suddenly go quiet!
First they don't bother responding to messages. Next they don't even bother to open them. Even when we can see they are logged on and posting status messages complaining they can't get meets!
This has happened to us on numerous occasions over the years.
Anyone else?"
I wonder if this has something to do with how addicted many of us have become to the virtual stimulation - how many people are writing because they are genuinely interested and how many are seeking the small dopamine hit of notifications. Just a thought. |
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"Is it only me that has noticed this phenomenon? We get a huge volume of mail from single guys desperately seeking a meet.
Then when they get an actual real life genuine invitation they suddenly go quiet!
First they don't bother responding to messages. Next they don't even bother to open them. Even when we can see they are logged on and posting status messages complaining they can't get meets!
This has happened to us on numerous occasions over the years.
Anyone else?
My god!!! You were turned down after inviting them to play??? Definitely chancers who spoil it for us genuine polite guys ffs x "
Not turned down. You misunderstand.
They jump at the chance. Accept. Agree the date and place.
Then drop out and stop responding.
Why bother accepting in the first place? Weird |
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"Is it only me that has noticed this phenomenon? We get a huge volume of mail from single guys desperately seeking a meet.
Then when they get an actual real life genuine invitation they suddenly go quiet!
First they don't bother responding to messages. Next they don't even bother to open them. Even when we can see they are logged on and posting status messages complaining they can't get meets!
This has happened to us on numerous occasions over the years.
Anyone else?
I wonder if this has something to do with how addicted many of us have become to the virtual stimulation - how many people are writing because they are genuinely interested and how many are seeking the small dopamine hit of notifications. Just a thought."
Yes. That's our theory.
They are laptop warriors. Nothing more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a shame but i agree it's becoming a trend not just guys doing it though. The ones that want to meet can't bacause people get put off with all the time wasters. Really annoying when you go to all the effort just to be goasted or get some pointless excuse. My favourite so far has got to be "cant make it tonight iv chipped a nail"  |
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"Been know to work both ways .. I’ve seen profiles and I think awesome i fit the bill exchange a few nice messages then comes to the crunch radio silence .. so feel your pain …"
Just because you fit the bill doesn't mean you are on the same page and there's a connection between you and her/them . Sometimes you just get on with a person and have that click from the 1st few messages and sometimes you want to impress so much but it's obvious that no matter what you are saying it won't take you anywhere  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Been know to work both ways .. I’ve seen profiles and I think awesome i fit the bill exchange a few nice messages then comes to the crunch radio silence .. so feel your pain …
I just struggle to understand why someone jumps at a chance to meet. Then gives a cold shoulder?
Invariably they resurface a day or 2 after the meet with some ridiculous excuse looking for another chance to meet.
As if. Lol"
Thrill of the chase.
Then reality sinks in for them. That or they've had their wank  |
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"Been know to work both ways .. I’ve seen profiles and I think awesome i fit the bill exchange a few nice messages then comes to the crunch radio silence .. so feel your pain …
I just struggle to understand why someone jumps at a chance to meet. Then gives a cold shoulder?
Invariably they resurface a day or 2 after the meet with some ridiculous excuse looking for another chance to meet.
Most seem to get cold feet, I guess they enjoy getting off on the thought of it.
As if. Lol"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You get this a lot and they are so called TIMEWASTERS lol
I would recommend before jumping into a conversation with a person, check their profile properly by having a recent verification from a well verified person , not just from a random person with one or two veris. After checking this, send them a face pic, I always think that mutual attraction comes 1st. there's no point chatting endless and find out to late that there is no physical attraction! It has happen to me and I just had to decline the offer instantly and there's a time when you are talking to someone and just because they are so nice as persons you just feel awkward to refuse them so they don't take it as an offence and then comes the moment when you start loosing interest.
Hope this helps
Thanks. Been on fab for many years so we are pretty wise to all the tricks.
Just blowing off steam. "
Let’s say you have been residents of Fab for 10 years? In that time you have been ghosted by 20 single chaps.........two per year on average. Hardly a problem that would keep one awake at night?
The post has brought out the genuine than thou chaps who would be there in a heartbeat......... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I simply don't get it. If I say I'm wanting something then I want it, and if I say I'll do something I'll do it. No grey area there! So if I'm going to meet someone Ive wanted to meet then I'm there - probably early. Why on earth would you pretend to want this lifestyle and muck people about?? It makes no sense at all to court a meet then ghost - I just can't get my head round it???? |
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"Is it only me that has noticed this phenomenon? We get a huge volume of mail from single guys desperately seeking a meet.
Then when they get an actual real life genuine invitation they suddenly go quiet!
First they don't bother responding to messages. Next they don't even bother to open them. Even when we can see they are logged on and posting status messages complaining they can't get meets!
This has happened to us on numerous occasions over the years.
Anyone else?
Newbies and chancers who for me have spoilt fab over the last few years. Fab seems to be a victim of its own success and has attracted a lot of people who are not genuine swingers.
I might be wrong but it's certainly harder for me now to even get a response to an email. "
I agree |
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"I simply don't get it. If I say I'm wanting something then I want it, and if I say I'll do something I'll do it. No grey area there! So if I'm going to meet someone Ive wanted to meet then I'm there - probably early. Why on earth would you pretend to want this lifestyle and muck people about?? It makes no sense at all to court a meet then ghost - I just can't get my head round it???? "
People can of course change their minds. That's not a problem but these people never bother with the basic courtesy of dropping a message to apologise and cancel.
Never. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I simply don't get it. If I say I'm wanting something then I want it, and if I say I'll do something I'll do it. No grey area there! So if I'm going to meet someone Ive wanted to meet then I'm there - probably early. Why on earth would you pretend to want this lifestyle and muck people about?? It makes no sense at all to court a meet then ghost - I just can't get my head round it????
People can of course change their minds. That's not a problem but these people never bother with the basic courtesy of dropping a message to apologise and cancel.
Never. "
As a relative newbie, I just aim to be consistent, what is on my profile is a reflection of what I want / who I am. Have had multiple women / couples cancel last second who have been on here a long time. Think reality kicks in and they s**t their pants. I guess I just have to be patient and continue to go with my gut feel on this site as it’s never wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I simply don't get it. If I say I'm wanting something then I want it, and if I say I'll do something I'll do it. No grey area there! So if I'm going to meet someone Ive wanted to meet then I'm there - probably early. Why on earth would you pretend to want this lifestyle and muck people about?? It makes no sense at all to court a meet then ghost - I just can't get my head round it????
People can of course change their minds. That's not a problem but these people never bother with the basic courtesy of dropping a message to apologise and cancel.
Never. "
I quite agree there is no excuse for bad manner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Must be a regional thing, being a single guy is a nightmare trying to get a meet, especially without multiple verifications which you can only get from meeting  |
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"Must be a regional thing, being a single guy is a nightmare trying to get a meet, especially without multiple verifications which you can only get from meeting "
You can easily get verifications if you go to a club  |
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That's why we only play at clubs now so always have an enjoyable night if a person doesn't show.
Even then we still get lots of guys saying they cannot wait to meet us at a club event only to see them there and don't bother to chat or play and after the event they all say that they were to nervous to say hi in case they got rejected or thought we were not interested.
So many guys just get off on the idea of being invited to meet and then choose to just use there imagination. |
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"I simply don't get it. If I say I'm wanting something then I want it, and if I say I'll do something I'll do it. No grey area there! So if I'm going to meet someone Ive wanted to meet then I'm there - probably early. Why on earth would you pretend to want this lifestyle and muck people about?? It makes no sense at all to court a meet then ghost - I just can't get my head round it????
People can of course change their minds. That's not a problem but these people never bother with the basic courtesy of dropping a message to apologise and cancel.
Never.
As a relative newbie, I just aim to be consistent, what is on my profile is a reflection of what I want / who I am. Have had multiple women / couples cancel last second who have been on here a long time. Think reality kicks in and they s**t their pants. I guess I just have to be patient and continue to go with my gut feel on this site as it’s never wrong "
I agree. A last minute cancellation is inexcusable. Only in extremely rare circumstances can it be justified.
The spineless wankers I am referring to are not even providing that!! |
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Happens both ways
Chat to a girl or a couple.. Everything going well then they disappear for a cpl days and then send a message saying
"Couldn't get on the site my gran wasn't well" or whatever excuse they use
Pretty sure they could have taken 2 mins to let me know they aren't able to meet.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been know to work both ways .. I’ve seen profiles and I think awesome i fit the bill exchange a few nice messages then comes to the crunch radio silence .. so feel your pain …
I just struggle to understand why someone jumps at a chance to meet. Then gives a cold shoulder?
Invariably they resurface a day or 2 after the meet with some ridiculous excuse looking for another chance to meet.
As if. Lol"
Do you talk about sex/ what you will do on the meet?
They probably had a wank and don't need to meet. |
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"Is it only me that has noticed this phenomenon? We get a huge volume of mail from single guys desperately seeking a meet.
Then when they get an actual real life genuine invitation they suddenly go quiet!
First they don't bother responding to messages. Next they don't even bother to open them. Even when we can see they are logged on and posting status messages complaining they can't get meets!
This has happened to us on numerous occasions over the years.
Anyone else?"
Yes, many men are all talk and no action. Think they enjoy the chase but don't have the balls to actually meet. I tend to stick to clubs and parties these days as fed up being let down. |
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"Been know to work both ways .. I’ve seen profiles and I think awesome i fit the bill exchange a few nice messages then comes to the crunch radio silence .. so feel your pain …
I just struggle to understand why someone jumps at a chance to meet. Then gives a cold shoulder?
Invariably they resurface a day or 2 after the meet with some ridiculous excuse looking for another chance to meet.
As if. Lol
Do you talk about sex/ what you will do on the meet?
They probably had a wank and don't need to meet."
Lol. Kinda hard to avoid the topic considering |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it only me that has noticed this phenomenon? We get a huge volume of mail from single guys desperately seeking a meet.
Then when they get an actual real life genuine invitation they suddenly go quiet!
First they don't bother responding to messages. Next they don't even bother to open them. Even when we can see they are logged on and posting status messages complaining they can't get meets!
This has happened to us on numerous occasions over the years.
Anyone else?
Yes, many men are all talk and no action. Think they enjoy the chase but don't have the balls to actually meet. I tend to stick to clubs and parties these days as fed up being let down."
I would pick your bluebells.......... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it only me that has noticed this phenomenon? We get a huge volume of mail from single guys desperately seeking a meet.
Then when they get an actual real life genuine invitation they suddenly go quiet!
First they don't bother responding to messages. Next they don't even bother to open them. Even when we can see they are logged on and posting status messages complaining they can't get meets!
This has happened to us on numerous occasions over the years.
Anyone else?"
That's interesting, this wasn't the direction I thought this question would go tbh, I thought it was going to be more along the lines of single guys being too picky etc. I'm actually surprised a little by this but then I had a tinder date a couple months ago who told me guys would match with her ans just want to talk talk and not try to meet up at all. So perhaps it's the same thing (shrugs shoulders) hope you have better luck in the future
But question though have these guys been verified through meets though. |
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"Is it only me that has noticed this phenomenon? We get a huge volume of mail from single guys desperately seeking a meet.
Then when they get an actual real life genuine invitation they suddenly go quiet!
First they don't bother responding to messages. Next they don't even bother to open them. Even when we can see they are logged on and posting status messages complaining they can't get meets!
This has happened to us on numerous occasions over the years.
Anyone else?
That's interesting, this wasn't the direction I thought this question would go tbh, I thought it was going to be more along the lines of single guys being too picky etc. I'm actually surprised a little by this but then I had a tinder date a couple months ago who told me guys would match with her ans just want to talk talk and not try to meet up at all. So perhaps it's the same thing (shrugs shoulders) hope you have better luck in the future
But question though have these guys been verified through meets though. "
Mostly verified yes. For what it's worth. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having played as a a single guy I really, really can’t get my hard around why anyone would do this.
It’s hard enough to get some legitimate interest on here for a lot of the single guys (due to the sheer number of them) so should they be fortunate enough to be shown some interest I would make sure I try my hardest to follow it up up if I was in that position . Just my 2 cents worth ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it only me that has noticed this phenomenon? We get a huge volume of mail from single guys desperately seeking a meet.
Then when they get an actual real life genuine invitation they suddenly go quiet!
First they don't bother responding to messages. Next they don't even bother to open them. Even when we can see they are logged on and posting status messages complaining they can't get meets!
This has happened to us on numerous occasions over the years.
Anyone else?"
I can't get my head around why they wouldn't be responding to messages after setting up a meet. I know if I got offered a chance to play with ye I'd be turning up half an hour early to make sure I didn't miss it lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have lots of single guys that want to meet. However, I’ve never extended the invitation
But, I think there’s a lot of fantasists in here, a lot that enjoy the idea of it all and will never follow through, sadly I think the only way to find that out is experience or as you said. Arrange a meet and see if it happens.
Someone would be happy to meet you though.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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These lads don’t know how lucky they are do they….but let’s not let them spoil it for the rest of us or for the couples that are looking for single guys!!
There are genuine ones…honest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Must be a regional thing, being a single guy is a nightmare trying to get a meet, especially without multiple verifications which you can only get from meeting
You can easily get verifications if you go to a club "
Why do you need to, not everyone you meet at clubs is on fab |
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"Must be a regional thing, being a single guy is a nightmare trying to get a meet, especially without multiple verifications which you can only get from meeting
You can easily get verifications if you go to a club
Why do you need to, not everyone you meet at clubs is on fab "
If you go to a swinging club (that's what I meant in 1st place) 90% are on fab lol |
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As a single man on here it is difficult to arrange a social let alone anything else, I know there are time wasters on here and yes it does stick on us decent men, but any decent couple I always reply too and go from there, I've met some wonderful couples and long may it continue |
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Us unverified members get treated with a lot of suspicion on here (and no, I don't want to go to a club to get one) so it's interesting to hear that many of these no shows with no excuses are verified. Maybe it's more about building a relationship with that person first rather than assuming that because they've been verified they'll automatically turn up. |
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"Us unverified members get treated with a lot of suspicion on here (and no, I don't want to go to a club to get one) so it's interesting to hear that many of these no shows with no excuses are verified. Maybe it's more about building a relationship with that person first rather than assuming that because they've been verified they'll automatically turn up."
A fair point but how do you build a relationship when they stop responding? |
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"Us unverified members get treated with a lot of suspicion on here (and no, I don't want to go to a club to get one) so it's interesting to hear that many of these no shows with no excuses are verified. Maybe it's more about building a relationship with that person first rather than assuming that because they've been verified they'll automatically turn up."
Its not guaranteed that they will turn up but at least you get more chances from them to show up! Also if you don't want to go to a club this is entirely up to you! Im sure one day you will meet someone on here even without going to a club!
Good luck!
 |
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"Been know to work both ways .. I’ve seen profiles and I think awesome i fit the bill exchange a few nice messages then comes to the crunch radio silence .. so feel your pain …"
Agree with this actually. Also, some couples (NOT ALL) come across in a way/tone that suggests that as a single male they are some how doing you a favour by showing interest in you and that you should fit exactly into the mould of what it is that they desire.
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