FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Dominant guys
Dominant guys
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm struggling too, lots of men who claim they are dominant but don't actually understand the meaning of it. Will follow this post to see if the true guys come put to play  |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"I can be with the right person connection counts for chemistry to unleash the dominant player
Connection is absolutely key! "
Definitely,without its never going to unlock any dominant side.whether female or male |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can be with the right person connection counts for chemistry to unleash the dominant player
Connection is absolutely key!
Definitely,without its never going to unlock any dominant side.whether female or male"
Same for my submissive side. But you've been here longer than I have- my impression is that a lot of men use the word Dominant without understanding it. |
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"Don’t think this is the right site, plus better to meet in a club or through mutual friends"
I don't know, I've met a couple of girl's here who were curious about BDSM and being dommed
I tend to lean towards impact play but can do obedience training etc too. Normally the girl's will have something they wanna try, we'll talk about what they want, go over safe words and limits (soft and hard) and after playing / between meets we can go over what's happened, what they liked, what they didn't, what they might wanna try etc
The biggest thing is just open communication |
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"Lack of dominant guys on fab?"
Dominant isn't the same as Dom(me) necessarily. Sure the two are often intertwined, but there are plenty of alpha male types who aren't Doms (in a bdsm sense), and plenty of Doms who aren't alpha males.
That said, there's no shortage of guys on Fab who'll claim to be one or both where really they're just pushy and obnoxious. Fab isn't really the best place to find a 'proper' bdsm play partner (whatever proper really means - bdsm is like any other kink - entirely personal to the people involved). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don’t think this is the right site, plus better to meet in a club or through mutual friends
You can find kinksters on this site if you look. "
Yes this is true, but dominant men who truly understand what dominance is? They're well hidden!  |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"I can be with the right person connection counts for chemistry to unleash the dominant player
Connection is absolutely key!
Definitely,without its never going to unlock any dominant side.whether female or male
Same for my submissive side. But you've been here longer than I have- my impression is that a lot of men use the word Dominant without understanding it."
I understand you but me being here longer or shorter period of time didn't create my dominant side I've always been this way long before joining the site it boils down to the chemistry.to ignite the spark to unleash the dominant for me.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I must be weird as, because I seem to find them or they find me. There's fair amount on here and we chat about dynamics etc, been nice to find people with similar interests on here. "
I've chatted to several. But maybe it just takes more time? I've only been on for 4 months. I had a couple of pics that were ..indicative of my tastes...but I made them private as it just doesn't feel like the place. If that makes sense? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can be with the right person connection counts for chemistry to unleash the dominant player
Connection is absolutely key!
Definitely,without its never going to unlock any dominant side.whether female or male
Same for my submissive side. But you've been here longer than I have- my impression is that a lot of men use the word Dominant without understanding it.
I understand you but me being here longer or shorter period of time didn't create my dominant side I've always been this way long before joining the site it boils down to the chemistry.to ignite the spark to unleash the dominant for me...."
Oh no I didn't explain that well. I meant you've been here longer so you may have a better oversight of how many kinky people are on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is dominance taken or given? You have to be able to give that right to someone for balance?"
I think others may have different answers. I'd say submission is given and dominance is accepted. |
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"I must be weird as, because I seem to find them or they find me. There's fair amount on here and we chat about dynamics etc, been nice to find people with similar interests on here. "
We're kinksters primarily, and regularly attend munches and fetish events, and we've met others in a similar boat. The number of people who we *personally* wouldn't consider to be genuinely into bdsm (as I say, it's all a bit subjective based on what you're after) far outweighs those though, which makes sense being as it's a swinger's site.
If you know what you're after it's fine - easy to our the chancers - but for newer folk to the kink scene it's not so easy and, honestly, downright dangerous. By its very nature bdsm isn't a safe thing to just pick up and have a go at in a lot of cases, and it does unfortunately attract people who don't want to dominate but rather abuse people.
It's an absolutely fantastic community to be a part of, same with swinging, but there's definitely precautions to take |
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What do you term a gentleman who likes to confidently (but without the arrogance) take the lead, take charge, coerce, instruct and orchestrate the sex, passion and sensuality in the bedroom?
With two caveats: the first - he's not into BDSM. The second - the chemistry and synergy are already established, obviously. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its been asked for several times, but doesn't seem to move forward. It would be amazing for finding kinky people if the search function didn't lump all BDSM/Kink under SM. But hey, its a bolt on for this site and not its primary purpose.
I've been lucky to find amazing people in to many aspects of kink.
Like any connection on here, it takes time and not everyone is going to be right for everyone.
It is always lovely to see a kink thread pop up and there are several about in the forums.
So maybe if you're looking for kinky people that's going to be a good place to start, also, you'll be able to gauge their knowledge and experience more there than a profile that doesn't mention it for fear of putting people off.
Just my random thoughts.
Be safe and have fun kinky people |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"I can be with the right person connection counts for chemistry to unleash the dominant player
Connection is absolutely key!
Definitely,without its never going to unlock any dominant side.whether female or male
Same for my submissive side. But you've been here longer than I have- my impression is that a lot of men use the word Dominant without understanding it.
I understand you but me being here longer or shorter period of time didn't create my dominant side I've always been this way long before joining the site it boils down to the chemistry.to ignite the spark to unleash the dominant for me....
Oh no I didn't explain that well. I meant you've been here longer so you may have a better oversight of how many kinky people are on here. "
Oh with that said I'd have to say loads that I've came across on the site and I think since this virus many have disappeared hope all are well... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can be with the right person connection counts for chemistry to unleash the dominant player
Connection is absolutely key!
Definitely,without its never going to unlock any dominant side.whether female or male
Same for my submissive side. But you've been here longer than I have- my impression is that a lot of men use the word Dominant without understanding it."
I would agree. I’ve been super lucky to find my Dom, and he’s the best, but there are so many unethical people out there, who have no idea what being dominant means, and seem to use it as an excuse to abuse. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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DOM/sub relationship are really hard to come by because there are so many variables in that area and takes a long time to build up the trust for a sub to eventually give herself over to her DOM and the DOM to take the sub on . Communication is the key and so many are too impatient to chat long enough for a connection/understanding to be made to find out which both want out of it . I was very lucky that I knew my first and only sub before hand and once we realised we both had an interest we just clicked . I don't think this is the best site for finding it they is a better one but thats full of predators so be careful on that one. Anyway happy hunting x |
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"Its been asked for several times, but doesn't seem to move forward. It would be amazing for finding kinky people if the search function didn't lump all BDSM/Kink under SM. But hey, its a bolt on for this site and not its primary purpose.
I've been lucky to find amazing people in to many aspects of kink.
Like any connection on here, it takes time and not everyone is going to be right for everyone.
It is always lovely to see a kink thread pop up and there are several about in the forums.
So maybe if you're looking for kinky people that's going to be a good place to start, also, you'll be able to gauge their knowledge and experience more there than a profile that doesn't mention it for fear of putting people off.
Just my random thoughts.
Be safe and have fun kinky people "
Well said - definitely agree with you. If you're serious about getting into kink, I'd add that your best bet - in my personal opinion - is search up your local munch (found on the other site that shall not be named usually). It's the best way to meet people, but it's nothing like swinging so temper your expectations a bit (it's just a chat in a pub with likeminded people usually). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Its been asked for several times, but doesn't seem to move forward. It would be amazing for finding kinky people if the search function didn't lump all BDSM/Kink under SM. But hey, its a bolt on for this site and not its primary purpose.
I've been lucky to find amazing people in to many aspects of kink.
Like any connection on here, it takes time and not everyone is going to be right for everyone.
It is always lovely to see a kink thread pop up and there are several about in the forums.
So maybe if you're looking for kinky people that's going to be a good place to start, also, you'll be able to gauge their knowledge and experience more there than a profile that doesn't mention it for fear of putting people off.
Just my random thoughts.
Be safe and have fun kinky people "
Hello You touch on an important point - that many will be nervous of "advertising it". I don't mention details on my profile and I've come across others who are very careful too. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
It is what you make it.
Search out for those with similar interests.
Talk, talk, talk and talk some more.
Weed out those that don’t fit what you are looking for. Move on, and just don’t get exasperated when what you are looking for doesn’t just fall into your lap. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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dom can cover so many sexual traits n kinks that its impossible to say dom to someone with out explaining what you want and what part of the life style,,
most who message me come out with the bdsm bullshit ? you can be just sexually dom its not all whips n chains not by a long chalk ... so many wannabes who just watch porn and get the wrong idea..
guys if you want to be a dom our try to be a dom first of be honest if your new and want to try you may find someone may give you a chance and the other tip is listen to the person/couples looking for a dom and find out what they want before you say your experienced because being experienced means very little from one person to another as the wants will be totally different...
being new is better than being a bullshiter |
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"I must be weird as, because I seem to find them or they find me. There's fair amount on here and we chat about dynamics etc, been nice to find people with similar interests on here.
We're kinksters primarily, and regularly attend munches and fetish events, and we've met others in a similar boat. The number of people who we *personally* wouldn't consider to be genuinely into bdsm (as I say, it's all a bit subjective based on what you're after) far outweighs those though, which makes sense being as it's a swinger's site.
If you know what you're after it's fine - easy to our the chancers - but for newer folk to the kink scene it's not so easy and, honestly, downright dangerous. By its very nature bdsm isn't a safe thing to just pick up and have a go at in a lot of cases, and it does unfortunately attract people who don't want to dominate but rather abuse people.
It's an absolutely fantastic community to be a part of, same with swinging, but there's definitely precautions to take "
Totally agree there are precautions with everything in life. But started out with the kink side before we even considered the swinging side. So I know what I'm looking for an understand the red, amber and green flags.
But I think chancers are on every site and platform available. Fab is no different. People need to do their research there are good resources out there for newbies. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are serious about cockold message me
Exhibit A, ladies and gentleman  "
and why is this so funny ?? we know loads of cuckold couples who look for dom guys its not all whips n chains ??? |
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"I must be weird as, because I seem to find them or they find me. There's fair amount on here and we chat about dynamics etc, been nice to find people with similar interests on here.
We're kinksters primarily, and regularly attend munches and fetish events, and we've met others in a similar boat. The number of people who we *personally* wouldn't consider to be genuinely into bdsm (as I say, it's all a bit subjective based on what you're after) far outweighs those though, which makes sense being as it's a swinger's site.
If you know what you're after it's fine - easy to our the chancers - but for newer folk to the kink scene it's not so easy and, honestly, downright dangerous. By its very nature bdsm isn't a safe thing to just pick up and have a go at in a lot of cases, and it does unfortunately attract people who don't want to dominate but rather abuse people.
It's an absolutely fantastic community to be a part of, same with swinging, but there's definitely precautions to take
Totally agree there are precautions with everything in life. But started out with the kink side before we even considered the swinging side. So I know what I'm looking for an understand the red, amber and green flags.
But I think chancers are on every site and platform available. Fab is no different. People need to do their research there are good resources out there for newbies. "
Sorry, I wasn't saying you specifically, more just if there's anyone in the thread thinking of dipping their toes in (do it  ) they need to take care not to get into a crappy situation. |
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"I must be weird as, because I seem to find them or they find me. There's fair amount on here and we chat about dynamics etc, been nice to find people with similar interests on here.
I've chatted to several. But maybe it just takes more time? I've only been on for 4 months. I had a couple of pics that were ..indicative of my tastes...but I made them private as it just doesn't feel like the place. If that makes sense?"
It took a while to chat to the ones I know all spectrum from Doms, switches and subs. Now I've got network I can ask questions if I want and vice versa. Yeah most of ours are hidden there were too many chancers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If you are serious about cockold message me
Exhibit A, ladies and gentleman
and why is this so funny ?? we know loads of cuckold couples who look for dom guys its not all whips n chains ???"
I wasn't grinning at the cuckold aspect? Nor do I think it's all whips and chains. |
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"If you are serious about cockold message me
Exhibit A, ladies and gentleman
and why is this so funny ?? we know loads of cuckold couples who look for dom guys its not all whips n chains ???"
Steady on, its just a little fun poking
The guy ignored all context in the thread, added absolutely nothing to the conversation, and stuck in a half-arsed self-promoting message in a thread that has (mostly) been super helpful and informative for people looking to get involved with kink.
C'mon, he had it coming |
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"I must be weird as, because I seem to find them or they find me. There's fair amount on here and we chat about dynamics etc, been nice to find people with similar interests on here.
We're kinksters primarily, and regularly attend munches and fetish events, and we've met others in a similar boat. The number of people who we *personally* wouldn't consider to be genuinely into bdsm (as I say, it's all a bit subjective based on what you're after) far outweighs those though, which makes sense being as it's a swinger's site.
If you know what you're after it's fine - easy to our the chancers - but for newer folk to the kink scene it's not so easy and, honestly, downright dangerous. By its very nature bdsm isn't a safe thing to just pick up and have a go at in a lot of cases, and it does unfortunately attract people who don't want to dominate but rather abuse people.
It's an absolutely fantastic community to be a part of, same with swinging, but there's definitely precautions to take
Totally agree there are precautions with everything in life. But started out with the kink side before we even considered the swinging side. So I know what I'm looking for an understand the red, amber and green flags.
But I think chancers are on every site and platform available. Fab is no different. People need to do their research there are good resources out there for newbies.
Sorry, I wasn't saying you specifically, more just if there's anyone in the thread thinking of dipping their toes in (do it ) they need to take care not to get into a crappy situation."
I didn't take offense, in totally for people being proactive in their research. Submissive to me doesn't mean passive, in case a newbie reads this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Hello You touch on an important point - that many will be nervous of "advertising it". I don't mention details on my profile and I've come across others who are very careful too. "
Yeah it's very hard, as its been said there are a lot of people that Will call themselves dom etc etc and seek out newbies and inexperienced people.
I think being a single lady on here and advertising you like kink is like being a single women at a munch, you'll be over run with offers of 50 shades! On the other side being a single guy at a munch you'll find it hard to find have someone talk to you.
Everyone says go to munches etc etc, but that's all good when you know people. If you're single, new and nervous, munches can be a really off putting experience.
More random thoughts from a munch attendee and former munch host |
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"I must be weird as, because I seem to find them or they find me. There's fair amount on here and we chat about dynamics etc, been nice to find people with similar interests on here.
We're kinksters primarily, and regularly attend munches and fetish events, and we've met others in a similar boat. The number of people who we *personally* wouldn't consider to be genuinely into bdsm (as I say, it's all a bit subjective based on what you're after) far outweighs those though, which makes sense being as it's a swinger's site.
If you know what you're after it's fine - easy to our the chancers - but for newer folk to the kink scene it's not so easy and, honestly, downright dangerous. By its very nature bdsm isn't a safe thing to just pick up and have a go at in a lot of cases, and it does unfortunately attract people who don't want to dominate but rather abuse people.
It's an absolutely fantastic community to be a part of, same with swinging, but there's definitely precautions to take
Totally agree there are precautions with everything in life. But started out with the kink side before we even considered the swinging side. So I know what I'm looking for an understand the red, amber and green flags.
But I think chancers are on every site and platform available. Fab is no different. People need to do their research there are good resources out there for newbies.
Sorry, I wasn't saying you specifically, more just if there's anyone in the thread thinking of dipping their toes in (do it ) they need to take care not to get into a crappy situation.
I didn't take offense, in totally for people being proactive in their research. Submissive to me doesn't mean passive, in case a newbie reads this "
Oh absolutely! There's just as much emphasis on a sub knowing their shit as a Dom. If as a newbie when asked what your limits are you find yourself tempted to say "up for trying anything once", just remember that acrotomophilia is a thing (not kink shaming here, but that one's probably best left as a fantasy) |
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"I must be weird as, because I seem to find them or they find me. There's fair amount on here and we chat about dynamics etc, been nice to find people with similar interests on here.
We're kinksters primarily, and regularly attend munches and fetish events, and we've met others in a similar boat. The number of people who we *personally* wouldn't consider to be genuinely into bdsm (as I say, it's all a bit subjective based on what you're after) far outweighs those though, which makes sense being as it's a swinger's site.
If you know what you're after it's fine - easy to our the chancers - but for newer folk to the kink scene it's not so easy and, honestly, downright dangerous. By its very nature bdsm isn't a safe thing to just pick up and have a go at in a lot of cases, and it does unfortunately attract people who don't want to dominate but rather abuse people.
It's an absolutely fantastic community to be a part of, same with swinging, but there's definitely precautions to take
Totally agree there are precautions with everything in life. But started out with the kink side before we even considered the swinging side. So I know what I'm looking for an understand the red, amber and green flags.
But I think chancers are on every site and platform available. Fab is no different. People need to do their research there are good resources out there for newbies.
Sorry, I wasn't saying you specifically, more just if there's anyone in the thread thinking of dipping their toes in (do it ) they need to take care not to get into a crappy situation.
I didn't take offense, in totally for people being proactive in their research. Submissive to me doesn't mean passive, in case a newbie reads this
Oh absolutely! There's just as much emphasis on a sub knowing their shit as a Dom. If as a newbie when asked what your limits are you find yourself tempted to say "up for trying anything once", just remember that acrotomophilia is a thing (not kink shaming here, but that one's probably best left as a fantasy) "
Yeah that's probably not one to indulge in |
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"
Hello You touch on an important point - that many will be nervous of "advertising it". I don't mention details on my profile and I've come across others who are very careful too.
Yeah it's very hard, as its been said there are a lot of people that Will call themselves dom etc etc and seek out newbies and inexperienced people.
I think being a single lady on here and advertising you like kink is like being a single women at a munch, you'll be over run with offers of 50 shades! On the other side being a single guy at a munch you'll find it hard to find have someone talk to you.
Everyone says go to munches etc etc, but that's all good when you know people. If you're single, new and nervous, munches can be a really off putting experience.
More random thoughts from a munch attendee and former munch host "
Ahh man, sounds like you've had bad experiences with munches to be honest! I've been to half a dozen and - save for one - never experienced anything like that (used to go as a single guy so I've worn that particular t-shirt).
Some are definitely easier than others to 'break into' so to speak though, and a lot depends on your own personality. We've been helping to run our local munch for a few months (okay, fine, C's been helping) and we do meet & greets for any newbie who wants one, send messages out beforehand to make sure people have the details and to make sure they have no concerns, and we always try our best to include newbies in conversation.
I've also only ever seen a single woman pestered at a munch once, and the culprit was a swinger, so make of that what you will. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Hello You touch on an important point - that many will be nervous of "advertising it". I don't mention details on my profile and I've come across others who are very careful too.
Yeah it's very hard, as its been said there are a lot of people that Will call themselves dom etc etc and seek out newbies and inexperienced people.
I think being a single lady on here and advertising you like kink is like being a single women at a munch, you'll be over run with offers of 50 shades! On the other side being a single guy at a munch you'll find it hard to find have someone talk to you.
Everyone says go to munches etc etc, but that's all good when you know people. If you're single, new and nervous, munches can be a really off putting experience.
More random thoughts from a munch attendee and former munch host
Ahh man, sounds like you've had bad experiences with munches to be honest! I've been to half a dozen and - save for one - never experienced anything like that (used to go as a single guy so I've worn that particular t-shirt).
Some are definitely easier than others to 'break into' so to speak though, and a lot depends on your own personality. We've been helping to run our local munch for a few months (okay, fine, C's been helping) and we do meet & greets for any newbie who wants one, send messages out beforehand to make sure people have the details and to make sure they have no concerns, and we always try our best to include newbies in conversation.
I've also only ever seen a single woman pestered at a munch once, and the culprit was a swinger, so make of that what you will."
I had an issue at a kink event. I am very wary about attending more because of that experience. It wasn't a munch though. |
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"
Hello You touch on an important point - that many will be nervous of "advertising it". I don't mention details on my profile and I've come across others who are very careful too.
Yeah it's very hard, as its been said there are a lot of people that Will call themselves dom etc etc and seek out newbies and inexperienced people.
I think being a single lady on here and advertising you like kink is like being a single women at a munch, you'll be over run with offers of 50 shades! On the other side being a single guy at a munch you'll find it hard to find have someone talk to you.
Everyone says go to munches etc etc, but that's all good when you know people. If you're single, new and nervous, munches can be a really off putting experience.
More random thoughts from a munch attendee and former munch host
Ahh man, sounds like you've had bad experiences with munches to be honest! I've been to half a dozen and - save for one - never experienced anything like that (used to go as a single guy so I've worn that particular t-shirt).
Some are definitely easier than others to 'break into' so to speak though, and a lot depends on your own personality. We've been helping to run our local munch for a few months (okay, fine, C's been helping) and we do meet & greets for any newbie who wants one, send messages out beforehand to make sure people have the details and to make sure they have no concerns, and we always try our best to include newbies in conversation.
I've also only ever seen a single woman pestered at a munch once, and the culprit was a swinger, so make of that what you will.
I had an issue at a kink event. I am very wary about attending more because of that experience. It wasn't a munch though. "
I'm really sorry to hear that, and especially that it's put you off going to more events in future 
Hope it wasn't anything *too* serious and the individual was spoken to / removed from the event? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Hello You touch on an important point - that many will be nervous of "advertising it". I don't mention details on my profile and I've come across others who are very careful too.
Yeah it's very hard, as its been said there are a lot of people that Will call themselves dom etc etc and seek out newbies and inexperienced people.
I think being a single lady on here and advertising you like kink is like being a single women at a munch, you'll be over run with offers of 50 shades! On the other side being a single guy at a munch you'll find it hard to find have someone talk to you.
Everyone says go to munches etc etc, but that's all good when you know people. If you're single, new and nervous, munches can be a really off putting experience.
More random thoughts from a munch attendee and former munch host
Ahh man, sounds like you've had bad experiences with munches to be honest! I've been to half a dozen and - save for one - never experienced anything like that (used to go as a single guy so I've worn that particular t-shirt).
Some are definitely easier than others to 'break into' so to speak though, and a lot depends on your own personality. We've been helping to run our local munch for a few months (okay, fine, C's been helping) and we do meet & greets for any newbie who wants one, send messages out beforehand to make sure people have the details and to make sure they have no concerns, and we always try our best to include newbies in conversation.
I've also only ever seen a single woman pestered at a munch once, and the culprit was a swinger, so make of that what you will.
I had an issue at a kink event. I am very wary about attending more because of that experience. It wasn't a munch though.
I'm really sorry to hear that, and especially that it's put you off going to more events in future
Hope it wasn't anything *too* serious and the individual was spoken to / removed from the event?"
I have been to one this year run by someone I've known for years and trust and with a trusted friend. I may venture to more in time. Er..long,long story on that individual! |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
I only play now B/d and only at clubs.
I have had several long term D/s relationships, and I miss the magic they have, there is a yearning when I’m not in one, like a drug.
What makes me smile about this thread is the bottom challenging the top and the responses.
Have fun, always. |
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Yes we're here on Fab, both Doms and Dominant guys..
I've had some really good meets with people looking for both but I agree there are a lot of idiots, fakes and wannabes on Fab as well.
In some ways kink clubs, websites and munches are a better option for finding a lifestyle Dom..
Some guys talk a good game but in reality are clueless about how the Dom/sub dynamic works or think being a Dominant Alpha male means acting hard or speaking to someone like shtt
I suggest at the very least when looking for a Dom or a Dominant check out their verifications and avoid anyone who doesn't have positive feedback. Maybe a social meet to check them out if you intend on having the more edgy kind of fun or regular meets..
There are good people on here you just have to sift through chaff to find the wheat but its worth it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Lack of dominant guys on fab?"
Hardly any truly dominant guys. There’s plenty of arrogant/disrespectful ones who think being forceful and rude is the same as dominance.
|
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i have my very own Dominant man, He is my Master, we have found a couple of dominant men on here but a lot of people are just not right for us as they are a bit on the soft side for the sort of BDSM play that we indulge in.
k |
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By *egoMan
over a year ago
Preston |
I can be dominant, unfortunately I need to know exactly what they want first. I want them to have the best time. But it seems the build up to that, my interview stage, and the kick off stage. Ruins the moment, and make me not give the right impression, I just need that momentary switch to get us started then I take control of the situation. So I’m stuck…
|
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By *WDomMan
over a year ago
Taunton |
I’m only really here to look for BDSM play and know quite a few of the people on here from the BDSM scene.
Its not the main place, but not a waste of time either.
The main fet ..ish website is not primarily set up for finding play partners, so a number resort to this site as an alternative.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can be dominant, unfortunately I need to know exactly what they want first. I want them to have the best time. But it seems the build up to that, my interview stage, and the kick off stage. Ruins the moment, and make me not give the right impression, I just need that momentary switch to get us started then I take control of the situation. So I’m stuck…
"
Not sure I understand what the issue is. How is the moment ruined? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m naturally dominant, I’m honest about this and it more often than not puts a lot of women off."
Yes, something similar, for every woman who wants someone dominating or to lead, there’s a woman who changes her mind and just wants ‘fun’ when it gets intense or ‘too serious’. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m only really here to look for BDSM play and know quite a few of the people on here from the BDSM scene.
Its not the main place, but not a waste of time either.
The main fet ..ish website is not primarily set up for finding play partners, so a number resort to this site as an alternative.
"
 |
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By *egoMan
over a year ago
Preston |
"I can be dominant, unfortunately I need to know exactly what they want first. I want them to have the best time. But it seems the build up to that, my interview stage, and the kick off stage. Ruins the moment, and make me not give the right impression, I just need that momentary switch to get us started then I take control of the situation. So I’m stuck…
Not sure I understand what the issue is. How is the moment ruined?"
I dont give that commanding presence that’s desired. I am guessing here.
They interpret, me asking what they want as being subservient to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can be dominant, unfortunately I need to know exactly what they want first. I want them to have the best time. But it seems the build up to that, my interview stage, and the kick off stage. Ruins the moment, and make me not give the right impression, I just need that momentary switch to get us started then I take control of the situation. So I’m stuck…
Not sure I understand what the issue is. How is the moment ruined?
I dont give that commanding presence that’s desired. I am guessing here.
They interpret, me asking what they want as being subservient to them. "
Ah I see. Yes I guess some women will. I saw an excellent "survey" that a Dom had written on another site. The sub had to circle the answers they related to. I would have liked such a survey as a new sub. It still feels like the Dom is in charge to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have literally just said the same thing on another forum apart from the fact that there soon seem to be a shortage of BBW subs about and especially ones that may want daddy Doms   |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Don’t think this is the right site, plus better to meet in a club or through mutual friends
You can find kinksters on this site if you look.
Yes this is true, but dominant men who truly understand what dominance is? They're well hidden! "
It depends what kind of experience and relationship you are after, there are indeed men on this site that understand what dominance is but maybe they don’t look just here to find submissives or maybe they have their hands full ! , subs can be extremely demanding and all consuming |
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"I can be dominant, unfortunately I need to know exactly what they want first. I want them to have the best time. But it seems the build up to that, my interview stage, and the kick off stage. Ruins the moment, and make me not give the right impression, I just need that momentary switch to get us started then I take control of the situation. So I’m stuck…
Not sure I understand what the issue is. How is the moment ruined?
I dont give that commanding presence that’s desired. I am guessing here.
They interpret, me asking what they want as being subservient to them. "
It's a fine balance to achieve dominance whilst verbally exploring what a new submissive desires from a scene, I believe that ultimately the dom is always subservient when learning a new submissive because the last thing a good dom wants to do is inadvertently cross the line, limits and boundaries are there to be pushed not broken, add into the mix that not all dominants and submissives are compatible and you find yourself in the middle of a minefield without the map.
Mr Hayes. |
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I like to take charge in the bedroom yes, dunno if that classes me as a “dominant”. I mean, what’s the criteria for being a dominant man? I feel like this is quite subjective and depends on what the person is looking for. |
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By *egoMan
over a year ago
Preston |
"I can be dominant, unfortunately I need to know exactly what they want first. I want them to have the best time. But it seems the build up to that, my interview stage, and the kick off stage. Ruins the moment, and make me not give the right impression, I just need that momentary switch to get us started then I take control of the situation. So I’m stuck…
Not sure I understand what the issue is. How is the moment ruined?
I dont give that commanding presence that’s desired. I am guessing here.
They interpret, me asking what they want as being subservient to them.
It's a fine balance to achieve dominance whilst verbally exploring what a new submissive desires from a scene, I believe that ultimately the dom is always subservient when learning a new submissive because the last thing a good dom wants to do is inadvertently cross the line, limits and boundaries are there to be pushed not broken, add into the mix that not all dominants and submissives are compatible and you find yourself in the middle of a minefield without the map.
Mr Hayes. "
Bingo,
And I like the survey option.
Fill this sheet out.
Sign here, here and here adds a bit of authoritarian roleplay to it as well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Oh dear another one for the guys to state how dominant they are 
Let’s break this down a little. If you are saying there is a lack of dominate guys on fab then maybe look for the traits that you desire instead. What make a dominant guy for you? And look for that instead you might be surprised as they would not class themselves as a Dom |
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By *omCoyoteMan
over a year ago
Northern England |
"I’m only really here to look for BDSM play and know quite a few of the people on here from the BDSM scene.
Its not the main place, but not a waste of time either.
The main fet ..ish website is not primarily set up for finding play partners, so a number resort to this site as an alternative.
"
Am I the only one who finds this site very clunky to use? |
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I’ve been on and off here for the last 5 years, I’ve had dominant play partners but they were only into role play. I finally found someone I can truly let go with this year.
So don’t give up... they are out there x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes unfortunately lots of men who say they ARE dominant in the bedroom, but not many who are A dominant.
I love me a Daddy Dom "
Yes daddy Dom is what people need lol
Dom and to be looked after mmm
Now just need to find a BG SUB  |
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By *omCoyoteMan
over a year ago
Northern England |
"Mm yes.
I don’t do impact play, really doesn’t do anything for me.
I need to find a guy to dominate me with just his words and firm tone "
Perhaps this quote from Cherise Sinclair resonates with you?
"It's hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That's part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can be with the right person connection counts for chemistry to unleash the dominant player
Connection is absolutely key!
Definitely,without its never going to unlock any dominant side.whether female or male
Same for my submissive side. But you've been here longer than I have- my impression is that a lot of men use the word Dominant without understanding it."
Totally get that, but I find guys can be ‘dominant’ without being a Dom ….. plenty here in Edinburgh! I can give you a couple names if interested |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh dear another one for the guys to state how dominant they are
Let’s break this down a little. If you are saying there is a lack of dominate guys on fab then maybe look for the traits that you desire instead. What make a dominant guy for you? And look for that instead you might be surprised as they would not class themselves as a Dom "
I understand what you're saying and I think there are women who just enjoy someone who is a bit dominant in bed. So could look for a particular trait. And then there are women who are submissive and want someone who understands the D/s dynamic fully. Two different things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Mm yes.
I don’t do impact play, really doesn’t do anything for me.
I need to find a guy to dominate me with just his words and firm tone
Perhaps this quote from Cherise Sinclair resonates with you?
"It's hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That's part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel"."
I have have that quote saved on my phone for years! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can be dominant, unfortunately I need to know exactly what they want first. I want them to have the best time. But it seems the build up to that, my interview stage, and the kick off stage. Ruins the moment, and make me not give the right impression, I just need that momentary switch to get us started then I take control of the situation. So I’m stuck…
Not sure I understand what the issue is. How is the moment ruined?
I dont give that commanding presence that’s desired. I am guessing here.
They interpret, me asking what they want as being subservient to them.
It's a fine balance to achieve dominance whilst verbally exploring what a new submissive desires from a scene, I believe that ultimately the dom is always subservient when learning a new submissive because the last thing a good dom wants to do is inadvertently cross the line, limits and boundaries are there to be pushed not broken, add into the mix that not all dominants and submissives are compatible and you find yourself in the middle of a minefield without the map.
Mr Hayes.
Bingo,
And I like the survey option.
Fill this sheet out.
Sign here, here and here adds a bit of authoritarian roleplay to it as well."
It reframes the "interview" stage and I think most subs (particularly new ones) would respond to that strategy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This is a shock to me, ive always been dominant, but I always just assumed that was a typical male trait "
Nope, lots of men are submissive too, or switch |
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Im discovering im dominant but not a dom as I haven’t ever actively pursued that lifestyle - just seems that me saying so what do you enjoy doing could be perceived as an ‘interview’ and for once on here im trying to be serious as Im maybe learning something i never knew about myself.  |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
I tend to give a wry smile when people say there are not many true dominants.
Putting aside the submissives that pretend to be dominant to get close to a woman (which is a feature of the scene), unless you believe in the "one true way" stereotype (and these days not so many people do) and more people are accepting that there is no such thing as a "true dominant" in BDSM. Then there is only a power exchange situations that work for the parties.
Due to media and stereotypes (and anyone who blames 50SOG is off my reservation) there is the James Bond stereotype of dominance. The person who walks into a room and men and women automatically respond to the masterful presence. This is also subscribed to by the school of natural dominance, who say dominance is innate and can't be learned. Of course they are generally talking about themselves. There are in life some people whose presence has an air of command but there is no guarantee that a D/S relationship with them will work. Because the flip side of dominance is being caring and supportive.
My suggestion is that in real life BDSM the power exchange is discussed and negotiated to ensure there is a meeting of minds. Each relationship is individual. A competent dominant has a set of skills and aptitudes they are going to use them, they need to know they will enjoy themselves and not all dominants derive enjoyment from only sex. The pleasure is gaining the physical and mental obedience for the agreed time and in the agreed manner. But from my experience there is a significant proportion of submissives that don't want to do the homework and feel entitled and expect gratification from a James Bond stereotype and wonder why it does not work. I would also distinguish whether submissives on Fab want a dominant, because their demands seem to suggest they want top, or a most likely a service top.
Also, just because a person does not meet a submissives subjective criteria it does not mean that person is a bad dominant. They are merely not the dominant for that submissive.
I have to add the above is my view of BDSM, however, BDSM is a broad church where people hold different and opposing views. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh dear another one for the guys to state how dominant they are
Let’s break this down a little. If you are saying there is a lack of dominate guys on fab then maybe look for the traits that you desire instead. What make a dominant guy for you? And look for that instead you might be surprised as they would not class themselves as a Dom
I understand what you're saying and I think there are women who just enjoy someone who is a bit dominant in bed. So could look for a particular trait. And then there are women who are submissive and want someone who understands the D/s dynamic fully. Two different things. "
Yes of course and it comes down to exactly what they are looking for rather than just branding men Dom or not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh dear another one for the guys to state how dominant they are
Let’s break this down a little. If you are saying there is a lack of dominate guys on fab then maybe look for the traits that you desire instead. What make a dominant guy for you? And look for that instead you might be surprised as they would not class themselves as a Dom
I understand what you're saying and I think there are women who just enjoy someone who is a bit dominant in bed. So could look for a particular trait. And then there are women who are submissive and want someone who understands the D/s dynamic fully. Two different things.
Yes of course and it comes down to exactly what they are looking for rather than just branding men Dom or not "
I'm very careful with my use of the capital D! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh dear another one for the guys to state how dominant they are
Let’s break this down a little. If you are saying there is a lack of dominate guys on fab then maybe look for the traits that you desire instead. What make a dominant guy for you? And look for that instead you might be surprised as they would not class themselves as a Dom
I understand what you're saying and I think there are women who just enjoy someone who is a bit dominant in bed. So could look for a particular trait. And then there are women who are submissive and want someone who understands the D/s dynamic fully. Two different things.
Yes of course and it comes down to exactly what they are looking for rather than just branding men Dom or not
I'm very careful with my use of the capital D! "
Capital D or just a big one? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh dear another one for the guys to state how dominant they are
Let’s break this down a little. If you are saying there is a lack of dominate guys on fab then maybe look for the traits that you desire instead. What make a dominant guy for you? And look for that instead you might be surprised as they would not class themselves as a Dom
I understand what you're saying and I think there are women who just enjoy someone who is a bit dominant in bed. So could look for a particular trait. And then there are women who are submissive and want someone who understands the D/s dynamic fully. Two different things.
Yes of course and it comes down to exactly what they are looking for rather than just branding men Dom or not
I'm very careful with my use of the capital D!
Capital D or just a big one? "
Capital D - big one is a bonus |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I finally found someone I can truly let go with this year.
So don’t give up... they are out there x"
And I am sure he found someone that trusts him enough to let him explore his desires! |
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So many levels and layers of what a woman classes as dominant. The important thing is to communicate what you are seeking and find guys that match. I would class myself as ‘Assertive Alpha Male’ rather than a BDSM dominant |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"So many levels and layers of what a woman classes as dominant. The important thing is to communicate what you are seeking and find guys that match. I would class myself as ‘Assertive Alpha Male’ rather than a BDSM dominant "
Interesting.
Having been to a few “munches” but met all my submissives in conventional ways I’d fully agree. I look for a woman with power and class who wants to hand it over, not the secret Harry Potter society |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"I can be with the right person connection counts for chemistry to unleash the dominant player
Connection is absolutely key! "
Totally as it unleashes the animal instinct in both the passion of pure utter filth  |
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As a verified Dom to Messy Fairy and LunaLust - I agree that there aren't too many of us on this site (Dom in the BDSM sense, that is). But there are many female subs on this site who move between the swinging and bdsm scenes easily. Is it more difficult for men to be in both scenes equally? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Hi beautiful people! I'm new on Fab & new to swinging, so please excuse my ignorance - I am trying to learn.
After reading through this thread, I'd appreciate some advice on terminology please, so that I don't get more than I bargained for or waste anyone's time.
I like a guy to take control in the bedroom - hair pulling, spanking, throwing me around, pushing boundaries, restraining my arms with their body strength, telling me what to do.
Am I asking for a Dom, dominant male, alpha male or something different entirely? X |
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"Hi beautiful people! I'm new on Fab & new to swinging, so please excuse my ignorance - I am trying to learn.
After reading through this thread, I'd appreciate some advice on terminology please, so that I don't get more than I bargained for or waste anyone's time.
I like a guy to take control in the bedroom - hair pulling, spanking, throwing me around, pushing boundaries, restraining my arms with their body strength, telling me what to do.
Am I asking for a Dom, dominant male, alpha male or something different entirely? X"
For a truly Dominant guy the sex is just a small part of the deal.
Yes a Dom can do those things and some enjoy a sexual moment in time but for a Dominant usually there is a lot more involved especially when you venture down the D/s road.
I would suggest what you are looking for would perhaps be considered a Top, maybe a Bull or though I hate the term someone who considers themselves an Alpha male.
The problem you have is often those announcing it from the rooftops often or not what they claim to be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Loads of fake doms. Come into dms and start demanding or ordering me about. They get told to get fucked and are blocked. fifty shades of grey and 365 days have put the wrong image of the lifestyle. Now too many abusers are masquerading as dominants |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Loads of fake doms. Come into dms and start demanding or ordering me about. They get told to get fucked and are blocked. fifty shades of grey and 365 days have put the wrong image of the lifestyle. Now too many abusers are masquerading as dominants "
So true |
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We are a dominant couple, which can be hugely intense for submissive’s as it add a whole different dynamic to the relationship as well as the physical side. For us it is when we are at our most in-tune, and to share the experience together makes it more pleasurable for us |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't think there is a lack of anything on here. People tend not to have extremes on their profile as it will alienate many. "
I tend to agree with you. There is a fair amount of kink shaming here. I certainly haven't said anything about my interests on my profile other than "kinky". Dominants would be even warier. |
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