FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > No thank you
No thank you
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just had my first no thank you message haha. The read and ignore is so much better dunno why some hate it. Right kick in the ego getting told in black and white begone you minger hahaha just thought id share my misfortune. What do you guys prefer? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No thank you is perfectly fine and polite. We can't be for everyone. Rejection doesn't bother me one bit especially when done in a polite or friendly way. It also gives you the opportunity to wish them luck and hope they have amazing times with who they are looking for  |
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"Just had my first no thank you message haha. The read and ignore is so much better dunno why some hate it. Right kick in the ego getting told in black and white begone you minger hahaha just thought id share my misfortune. What do you guys prefer? "
It's not as simple as that. 90% of those we'd say 'no' to aren't 'mingers' at all, they're just niot a good enough match for our choices or are much too far away. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We almost always reply but close to 200 contacts for meet requests
I've had to say no to a dozen or so people striaght away as not to waste their or our time. The way we/I say it is I hope none offensive and never personal.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I said no thanks to some lad yesterday and got a load of abuse ?? "
It happens just count yourslef luck you did not meet him - always a spositive side to almost everyhting
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I said no thanks to some lad yesterday and got a load of abuse ??
It happens just count yourslef luck you did not meet him - always a spositive side to almost everyhting
"
I commented on a topic yesterday about 1st bi exp , i have my 1st meet planned tonight , since that post I had messaged demanding I fuck bareback with them a quick no thanks and block button |
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"What do you guys prefer? "
We’ve had both.
If it’s read, deleted, no reply we block as there is clearly no further interest. And move on.
If we get a polite no thank you, we don’t block, and can still engage with them should they choose to do so. Many have said no thanks but happy to chat at clubs etc.
There are many and varied reasons for “no thank you”, and doesnt always revolve around looks.
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
Don't take it as you being a minger op,
We can't fancy everyone, there will be others you do appeal to though.
I've always wondered why some demand a reply, even a no, surely 10 nos a day wouldn't make anyone feel great. |
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People look at profiles and especially the pictures, when they decide if they’re interested in you. Maybe it’s closer to that reason than your looks ?
Unless you sent a face picture ? In that case they didn’t fancy you.
It happens. |
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"You should be thankful that they were decent enough to bother to reply…… I think I might have got one reply to at least 300 messages! "
So you imply that those that don't send a reply aren't decent? How many messages each day do you receive? Five? Two minutes to check the profile and send a polite reply? Thats ten minutes.
Now do the same maths for a single woman that gets 300 messages each day (and some, many, do) and that ten minutes is suddenly ten hours of work. And that's without dealing with the replies to their "no thanks" messages.
It's NOTHING to do with decency. |
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"Why dented your ego that’s polite response and atleast they replied "
Yes I would go with this, much better than an ignore or just a delete but either option is nothing to linger on, move onto the next one.
Always be cheerful and respectful regardless of how others behave. |
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"Just had my first no thank you message haha. The read and ignore is so much better dunno why some hate it. Right kick in the ego getting told in black and white begone you minger hahaha just thought id share my misfortune. What do you guys prefer? "
An unsolicited message. And I do get them from time to time. Saves all of the above and also wasting any time crafting messages to females already swamped with 100s. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
"Find a no thank you better than being ignored and at least you know where you stand then "
A no reply is a no thank you I'd say too. Many don't reply when not interested as then the why bits start or abuse. |
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"I much prefer a response of some sort even if it's a "no thank you" it's really quite rude to just simply read and ignore a message. "
It's really quite rude to expect a reply to an unsolicited message. Do you send a polite no thanks to the junk mail that lands on your doormat? |
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There is so much misunderstanding on here. Assumptions are biggest pitfall. Respect is needed despite the negativity, the fakes and the rudeness. It’s down to the individual to decide how they interact with you. Then you can make a judgement as to whether they are right for you.
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"I said no thanks to some lad yesterday and got a load of abuse ??
We've had that a lot unfortunately  it can be difficult on here! "
We've been really lucky I think and haven't had anything that can be called abuse. We had one guy that we had to re-arrange twice because Char was really bad with her pain and fatigue and he ended up accusing us of making up cancer. That's as bad as it's got, thankfully. |
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"Ego or me and mine is the root of all problems. I always politely decline with a message. Ignorance I leave for the ignorant.  "
Someone else calling those that don't reply to every message they get "ignorant"? Just put yourselves in the shoes of a single woman getting 300 messages each day. |
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Haha this just proves we can’t win.
I’ll always say no thanks if I go through and read messages, but i often just bulk delete all.
Also if you think ignoring a message is ignorant you should read the FAQ’s and maybe join a site that doesn’t encourage it as common practice  just saying haha |
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By *omCoyoteMan
over a year ago
Northern England |
"I much prefer a response of some sort even if it's a "no thank you" it's really quite rude to just simply read and ignore a message.
It's really quite rude to expect a reply to an unsolicited message. Do you send a polite no thanks to the junk mail that lands on your doormat?"
Yes, it is rude to expect a reply to a "fancy a fuck accompanied by a cock pic" message to all and sundry.
I only message people that I believe I match up with - and most on here (yourselves included) are actively looking to connect / meet up - so it's hardly an "unsolicited" message.
Having said that, I always respect people's preferences, and if I don't receive a reply then c’est la Fab! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A no response is a no thank you in my book. People need to not take things personally, it might not be about looks. I've had some gorgeous looking people message me but they aren't what I'm looking for, for other reasons. If you aren't a match, just the way it is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I much prefer a response of some sort even if it's a "no thank you" it's really quite rude to just simply read and ignore a message.
It's really quite rude to expect a reply to an unsolicited message. Do you send a polite no thanks to the junk mail that lands on your doormat?"
That's a completely different situation regarding junk mail. Reading a message and blanking somebody is rude. I never send a vulgar message and I'm always polite. Respect and decency should be mutual. I understand morons that send filth in an introductory message being ignored because that's just childish but don't understand good polite people being completely blanked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd be happy with a no thank you.
They've taken time to read and reply to you.
Its manners which seems to be fading fast nowadays."
This 
It's even worse when you've genuinely taken the time to write a polite and decent message and you get ignored. It can be really soul destroying. It's absolutely nothing to do with ego. |
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"I much prefer a response of some sort even if it's a "no thank you" it's really quite rude to just simply read and ignore a message.
It's really quite rude to expect a reply to an unsolicited message. Do you send a polite no thanks to the junk mail that lands on your doormat?
That's a completely different situation regarding junk mail. Reading a message and blanking somebody is rude. I never send a vulgar message and I'm always polite. Respect and decency should be mutual. I understand morons that send filth in an introductory message being ignored because that's just childish but don't understand good polite people being completely blanked."
It’s really not rude.
It’s a no thank you… it’s literally common knowledge with how the site works.
I’d be sending 500 no thank yous every day and not actually talking to the ones I’m interested in!
Expecting and demanding replies just because you didn’t send an abusive message is what’s rude 
No one owes anyone anything on here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I much prefer a response of some sort even if it's a "no thank you" it's really quite rude to just simply read and ignore a message.
It's really quite rude to expect a reply to an unsolicited message. Do you send a polite no thanks to the junk mail that lands on your doormat?
That's a completely different situation regarding junk mail. Reading a message and blanking somebody is rude. I never send a vulgar message and I'm always polite. Respect and decency should be mutual. I understand morons that send filth in an introductory message being ignored because that's just childish but don't understand good polite people being completely blanked.
It’s really not rude.
It’s a no thank you… it’s literally common knowledge with how the site works.
I’d be sending 500 no thank yous every day and not actually talking to the ones I’m interested in!
Expecting and demanding replies just because you didn’t send an abusive message is what’s rude
No one owes anyone anything on here "
I'd actually prefer it if my message just went unread than being read and ignored. |
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"I much prefer a response of some sort even if it's a "no thank you" it's really quite rude to just simply read and ignore a message.
It's really quite rude to expect a reply to an unsolicited message. Do you send a polite no thanks to the junk mail that lands on your doormat?
That's a completely different situation regarding junk mail. Reading a message and blanking somebody is rude. I never send a vulgar message and I'm always polite. Respect and decency should be mutual. I understand morons that send filth in an introductory message being ignored because that's just childish but don't understand good polite people being completely blanked.
It’s really not rude.
It’s a no thank you… it’s literally common knowledge with how the site works.
I’d be sending 500 no thank yous every day and not actually talking to the ones I’m interested in!
Expecting and demanding replies just because you didn’t send an abusive message is what’s rude
No one owes anyone anything on here
I'd actually prefer it if my message just went unread than being read and ignored. "
Thankfully we’re not here for what men prefer
As long as no one is nasty or abusive I don’t think anyone’s preferences should matter |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I much prefer a response of some sort even if it's a "no thank you" it's really quite rude to just simply read and ignore a message.
It's really quite rude to expect a reply to an unsolicited message. Do you send a polite no thanks to the junk mail that lands on your doormat?
That's a completely different situation regarding junk mail. Reading a message and blanking somebody is rude. I never send a vulgar message and I'm always polite. Respect and decency should be mutual. I understand morons that send filth in an introductory message being ignored because that's just childish but don't understand good polite people being completely blanked.
It’s really not rude.
It’s a no thank you… it’s literally common knowledge with how the site works.
I’d be sending 500 no thank yous every day and not actually talking to the ones I’m interested in!
Expecting and demanding replies just because you didn’t send an abusive message is what’s rude
No one owes anyone anything on here
I'd actually prefer it if my message just went unread than being read and ignored.
Thankfully we’re not here for what men prefer
As long as no one is nasty or abusive I don’t think anyone’s preferences should matter "
I'm a decent dude that just gets frustrated with this crazy site from time to time lol sticking up for my fellow gents all the time as we can get a hard time here (no pun intended) |
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"I much prefer a response of some sort even if it's a "no thank you" it's really quite rude to just simply read and ignore a message.
It's really quite rude to expect a reply to an unsolicited message. Do you send a polite no thanks to the junk mail that lands on your doormat?
That's a completely different situation regarding junk mail. Reading a message and blanking somebody is rude. I never send a vulgar message and I'm always polite. Respect and decency should be mutual. I understand morons that send filth in an introductory message being ignored because that's just childish but don't understand good polite people being completely blanked.
It’s really not rude.
It’s a no thank you… it’s literally common knowledge with how the site works.
I’d be sending 500 no thank yous every day and not actually talking to the ones I’m interested in!
Expecting and demanding replies just because you didn’t send an abusive message is what’s rude
No one owes anyone anything on here
I'd actually prefer it if my message just went unread than being read and ignored.
Thankfully we’re not here for what men prefer
As long as no one is nasty or abusive I don’t think anyone’s preferences should matter
I'm a decent dude that just gets frustrated with this crazy site from time to time lol sticking up for my fellow gents all the time as we can get a hard time here (no pun intended) "
Ey I’m here for the single guys lol! Your not all bad  |
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"Im the opposite, I would rather get the response than be left in limbo...
How long do they have to respond to you ?
An hour, a day a week?
What do you regard as a reasonable time ? "
A question with no answer... some people are perhaps inundated with messages and simply can't reply to all. Some may read messages but not have the time to reply... no doubt there are many rational reasons for not receiving a response, I just prefer to have the no thank you, than not to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, i would say No Thank you message is far better than no message, atleast you know and move on. On other side whoever sent you message are polite and taken time to read and response, ladies and couples recive 100 messages in a day.  |
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A no reply is a no thank you. People should read the FAQ and accept how the site works.
When I (C) was here as a single guy and now as a couple, we write tailored messages to those whose profile we like and we think we’d match with. We often get no thanks but lovely message replies. Sometimes we get no replies. A few messages go unread.
I think a site enhancement would be an auto reply button (or buttons) to send a “Thanks, but no thanks” message or something would be nice but…
No reply, no thank you! |
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"I much prefer a response of some sort even if it's a "no thank you" it's really quite rude to just simply read and ignore a message.
It's not."
I agree. What's rude is sending messages to people when you've either not read or just ignored what's clearly stated in their profiles. People who do that don't deserve a polite response.
I'm guessing nobody who's put a "do not disturb" sign on their hotel room door is going to thank someone who a) just ignores it, knocks and then demands a polite response.
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By *S2004Man
over a year ago
Bromsgrove |
"No thank you is perfectly fine and polite. We can't be for everyone. Rejection doesn't bother me one bit especially when done in a polite or friendly way. It also gives you the opportunity to wish them luck and hope they have amazing times with who they are looking for "
Absolutely this |
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"Just had my first no thank you message haha. The read and ignore is so much better dunno why some hate it. Right kick in the ego getting told in black and white begone you minger hahaha just thought id share my misfortune. What do you guys prefer? "
You have a weak profile I'm surprised it took 5 months a couple of pictures do not fill out a profile with very little content. |
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"Im the opposite, I would rather get the response than be left in limbo...
How long do they have to respond to you ?
An hour, a day a week?
What do you regard as a reasonable time ?
A question with no answer... some people are perhaps inundated with messages and simply can't reply to all. Some may read messages but not have the time to reply... no doubt there are many rational reasons for not receiving a response, I just prefer to have the no thank you, than not to "
Think you’ve given accurate reasons why your request isn’t always met.
I sympathise with single guys on here, it’s got to be tough endlessly sending messages without a reply. But it’s the site and unfortunately it’ll remain as it is. |
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"Like to treat people the way I like to be treated.
Manners cost nothing."
They cost someone’s time. That’s not yours to dictate. Send a message and hope for a reply don’t demand it or feel entitled to it.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Happens to the best of em.
It is what it is, you can't be every body's cup of tea. People and what they are looking for changes over time. You might find in a year or so time they message you when you fit in with what they are after.
To be honest I find the no thanks reply better than just a no reply at all. Atleast that way you know they atleast went to the trouble of reading your message, especially when you've taken the time to read their profile and write the msg to them.
Anyway chin up n keep trying ya minger lol
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By *MNJCouple
over a year ago
Nuneaton |
I much prefer receiving a thanks but no thanks message to sending one, so much so that we tend to just not reply as saying no thanks feels like putting someone down even though we know having been on the receiving end that it isn't.
If someone has sent a detailed specific message we do reply though even if they're not what we're looking for as it seems rude not to. |
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"It's really quite rude to expect a reply to an unsolicited message. Do you send a polite no thanks to the junk mail that lands on your doormat?"
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So what constitutes "unsolicited"??
Your analogy is flawed. Unsolicited in this context means you're not looking to potentially meet whatsoever, or for anything sexual at all. If you have suggested or intimated on your profile you want to meet men/women/etc then there's a reasonable expectation that people WILL message you and therefore it's not completely unsolicited. How you wish to reply to that message is your prerogative.
(If you have on your profile that you want a take-away and then get a message from 'ABC Pizza' it's not completely unsolicited. If on the other hand you have made no mention that you need food and then receive said offer then it's unsolicited) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just had my first no thank you message haha. The read and ignore is so much better dunno why some hate it. Right kick in the ego getting told in black and white begone you minger hahaha just thought id share my misfortune. What do you guys prefer? "
For me a polite message that like is absolutely fine. You know where you stand and are not left wondering. |
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I'd much rather a polite and respectful 'no thanks'. I wouldn't want to be told a hundred reasons why, but I'd much rather be told 'no' outright than spend the next however long wondering if they'd meant to reply later but then got distracted or whatever. |
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"Your analogy is flawed. Unsolicited in this context means you're not looking to potentially meet whatsoever, or for anything sexual at all. If you have suggested or intimated on your profile you want to meet men/women/etc then there's a reasonable expectation that people WILL message you and therefore it's not completely unsolicited."
We agree with this 100%. The whole “unsolicited” argument is BOLLOX. If your profile isn’t hidden, then you’ve set out your stall for potential suitors to make their pitch. So provided they broadly match the criteria then the pitch can’t be considered in the same way as junk mail.
In an ideal world, any message from someone meeting your basic criteria would get a written reply. Ultimately, all read messages get a response, even if the response isn’t by way of a message.
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"Just had my first no thank you message haha. The read and ignore is so much better dunno why some hate it. Right kick in the ego getting told in black and white begone you minger hahaha just thought id share my misfortune. What do you guys prefer? "
It doesn't mean you are a minger at all in our case a polite no thank you goes to all guys who message us as we only look to meet couples, doesn't matter what you look like. |
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I really don’t mind either way but I don’t send many messages in any case and almost never a message requesting anything. If someone does takes the time to reply (what ever the answer) I appreciate it but I certainly don’t expect a reply. |
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"Your analogy is flawed. Unsolicited in this context means you're not looking to potentially meet whatsoever, or for anything sexual at all. If you have suggested or intimated on your profile you want to meet men/women/etc then there's a reasonable expectation that people WILL message you and therefore it's not completely unsolicited.
We agree with this 100%. The whole “unsolicited” argument is BOLLOX. If your profile isn’t hidden, then you’ve set out your stall for potential suitors to make their pitch. So provided they broadly match the criteria then the pitch can’t be considered in the same way as junk mail.
In an ideal world, any message from someone meeting your basic criteria would get a written reply. Ultimately, all read messages get a response, even if the response isn’t by way of a message.
"
Makes sense to me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Am OK with both the read not deleted and look at your profile every week I don't like.
Plus the read and block a few have regretted when seen me in real life some place no second chance with me lol |
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"Your analogy is flawed. Unsolicited in this context means you're not looking to potentially meet whatsoever, or for anything sexual at all. If you have suggested or intimated on your profile you want to meet men/women/etc then there's a reasonable expectation that people WILL message you and therefore it's not completely unsolicited.
We agree with this 100%. The whole “unsolicited” argument is BOLLOX. If your profile isn’t hidden, then you’ve set out your stall for potential suitors to make their pitch. So provided they broadly match the criteria then the pitch can’t be considered in the same way as junk mail.
In an ideal world, any message from someone meeting your basic criteria would get a written reply. Ultimately, all read messages get a response, even if the response isn’t by way of a message.
"
•
And to clarify my protest isn't about how/if people reply to those messages. I'm just fed up with people incorrectly using the hackneyed "leaflet on my doorstep" analogy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just had my first no thank you message haha. The read and ignore is so much better dunno why some hate it. Right kick in the ego getting told in black and white begone you minger hahaha just thought id share my misfortune. What do you guys prefer? "
I prefer to assume that people that don't find me attractive also don't think I am a minger, as I don't think that of people I wouldn't want to fuck... But hey, what do I know?!  |
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"We agree with this 100%. The whole “unsolicited” argument is BOLLOX."
When (and this no exaggeration) 95% of the messages you receive have nothing but "hi" or "how's u?" or addresses just one of us, then it's clear that they've not even glanced at our profile, so their message IS unsolicited and classed as junk mail. |
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"When (and this no exaggeration) 95% of the messages you receive have nothing but "hi" or "how's u?" or addresses just one of us, then it's clear that they've not even glanced at our profile, so their message IS unsolicited and classed as junk mail."
Not quite… your active profile is a statement of interest in connecting with people. By being able to send a message (filtered or otherwise) then it’s not totally unsolicited… your active profile and filters are a form of invitation. It’s how the site works.
Now, as for the content that’s another argument. They may well be crap (God knows we’ve had many!) and worthless and in that context, as a useless message may be considered junk.
But that’s not quite the same as an we’ll constructed message from some who a) doesn’t tickle your pickle or b) is clearly not what you’re looking for.
There is no right or wrong way to use fab. It’s what works for you. |
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"When (and this no exaggeration) 95% of the messages you receive have nothing but "hi" or "how's u?" or addresses just one of us, then it's clear that they've not even glanced at our profile, so their message IS unsolicited and classed as junk mail.
Not quite… your active profile is a statement of interest in connecting with people. By being able to send a message (filtered or otherwise) then it’s not totally unsolicited… your active profile and filters are a form of invitation. It’s how the site works.
Now, as for the content that’s another argument. They may well be crap (God knows we’ve had many!) and worthless and in that context, as a useless message may be considered junk.
But that’s not quite the same as an we’ll constructed message from some who a) doesn’t tickle your pickle or b) is clearly not what you’re looking for.
There is no right or wrong way to use fab. It’s what works for you."
•
Absolutely right.
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