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Polyamory
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey everyone hope your all well , what are everyone’s thoughts on polyamory ? Is it something you’ve ever done , wanting to try ? And how often does it work. Thoughts appreciated |
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I love the idea of my husband having a regular girlfriend, which has made me think more about polyamory. I think if the right person came along then maybe would give it a go, I would worry that they'd always feel an outsider to us as hubby and wife though, as we are super super close. Not to be cliché but we are truly best friends as well as happily married, and parents of 3 great kiddos. I could imagine it's hard to join into that kind of a relationship and feel fully part of it, and I wouldn't want to do that to someone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love the idea of my husband having a regular girlfriend, which has made me think more about polyamory. I think if the right person came along then maybe would give it a go, I would worry that they'd always feel an outsider to us as hubby and wife though, as we are super super close. Not to be cliché but we are truly best friends as well as happily married, and parents of 3 great kiddos. I could imagine it's hard to join into that kind of a relationship and feel fully part of it, and I wouldn't want to do that to someone. "
You guys are looking at it from the wrong perspective.
You can still have ethical hierarchical-polyamory.
The exact arrangement you've described will work for someone else who is in a perfectly happy marriage but wants to find a boyfriend/secondary partner, without necessarily expecting all of the same privileges as they give their husband (either because it's a boundary for them or because of practicalities like shared finances, shared housing, childcare etc.)
You should get on OkC and check things out, you'd be pleasantly surprised who you'll find that is like you. Nothing ventured nothing gained as they say! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi i’m a single guy looking for a poly relationship with a couple , it doesn’t have to be equal, but i’d give exclusivity if wanted , hard to find !
scott |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To add, the number one reason it fails is because of a lack of understanding/education about Polyamory and a lack of communication between respective partners. There are some great people out there who educate on Polyamory - and what is considered ethical and what is not in Polyamorous relationships - like marjanilane who you can find on IG. |
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"I love the idea of my husband having a regular girlfriend, which has made me think more about polyamory. I think if the right person came along then maybe would give it a go, I would worry that they'd always feel an outsider to us as hubby and wife though, as we are super super close. Not to be cliché but we are truly best friends as well as happily married, and parents of 3 great kiddos. I could imagine it's hard to join into that kind of a relationship and feel fully part of it, and I wouldn't want to do that to someone.
You guys are looking at it from the wrong perspective.
You can still have ethical hierarchical-polyamory.
The exact arrangement you've described will work for someone else who is in a perfectly happy marriage but wants to find a boyfriend/secondary partner, without necessarily expecting all of the same privileges as they give their husband (either because it's a boundary for them or because of practicalities like shared finances, shared housing, childcare etc.)
You should get on OkC and check things out, you'd be pleasantly surprised who you'll find that is like you. Nothing ventured nothing gained as they say!"
Thank you, will definitely take a look, definitely have a lot to learn about it for sure! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We had a bi guy live with us for six months and that worked out well. However we all knew from the beginning it was only going to be six months due to visa restrictions. Japan is not the easiest country to stay in.
Since then we have always been open to a polyamory lifestyle but have yet to find that person. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Completely understand what you mean
"I love the idea of my husband having a regular girlfriend, which has made me think more about polyamory. I think if the right person came along then maybe would give it a go, I would worry that they'd always feel an outsider to us as hubby and wife though, as we are super super close. Not to be cliché but we are truly best friends as well as happily married, and parents of 3 great kiddos. I could imagine it's hard to join into that kind of a relationship and feel fully part of it, and I wouldn't want to do that to someone. "
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I think it works so long as everyone is on the same page about the relationship. I would love for K to find a regular girlfriend just for herself  ... if she's also interested in me I wouldn't complain though 
LvM |
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By *ack688Man
over a year ago
abruzzo Italy (and UK) |
There are a lot of forms of polyamory, whether that’s Hierarchical, egalitarian, or being solo poly, and from poly fidelity through to relationship anarchy (not as odd politically subversive as it sounds). But the basic concept of ‘loving many’ relies on being able to form multiple concurrent emotional connections with others (rather than just sexual), which is why many people struggle more with jealousy if their partner develops strong emotional bonds with someone else for the first time. It’s certainly worth reading more about how best to navigate this if you’re an existing couple wanting to become poly, but as a single person, then ensuring you’re ethically open about what type and level of relationship you want at the start is important so people don’t get hurt down the line. |
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"There are a lot of forms of polyamory, whether that’s Hierarchical, egalitarian, or being solo poly, and from poly fidelity through to relationship anarchy (not as odd politically subversive as it sounds). But the basic concept of ‘loving many’ relies on being able to form multiple concurrent emotional connections with others (rather than just sexual), which is why many people struggle more with jealousy if their partner develops strong emotional bonds with someone else for the first time. It’s certainly worth reading more about how best to navigate this if you’re an existing couple wanting to become poly, but as a single person, then ensuring you’re ethically open about what type and level of relationship you want at the start is important so people don’t get hurt down the line."
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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Hello OP! *waves*
I'm poly, I've always had an inkling I might be but saw myself as ethically non monogamous. About two years ago I started to approach the idea I might be and had incredibly open and honest communication about it with my fiance who was very supportive and loving. There are many different types of poly dynamics as listed above but I think the most important thing and one that underlies all is the need for transparency and respect to all involved. It can work and when it does it's wonderful - I've a lot of love and feel and care deeply for people.
When it doesn't work? Well I guess it's like monogamy in that regards. Myriad of reasons. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hello ! Thank you for your insight we’ve spoken about it in the past so was curious on others perspectives
"Hello OP! *waves*
I'm poly, I've always had an inkling I might be but saw myself as ethically non monogamous. About two years ago I started to approach the idea I might be and had incredibly open and honest communication about it with my fiance who was very supportive and loving. There are many different types of poly dynamics as listed above but I think the most important thing and one that underlies all is the need for transparency and respect to all involved. It can work and when it does it's wonderful - I've a lot of love and feel and care deeply for people.
When it doesn't work? Well I guess it's like monogamy in that regards. Myriad of reasons."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like Meli (hi!) I had thought I was non-monogamous but I feel that I can develop emotional connections with more than one man. So I've been reading and talking about poly for a while. I think knowing what you really want and equally don't want is so important and that requires lots of thought and communication with others. Jack put it really well. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you everyone for your insight , we’ve been curious about it in the past but we had a child a year ago which made us abandon the idea due to being a parent making it more complicated |
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By *etsukaCouple
over a year ago
Leeds |
My partner and I are ethically non-monogamous and I am poly, both in theory and practice, with his support.
He doesn't want anything more than the swinging lifestyle, I would love to form a deeper connection with someone. However, in reality that proves quite hard, even the likes of OKCupid are full of men with completely unaware wives and where I can chose not to probe at swingers clubs, if I was to form a longer connection with someone, I wouldn't want that connection to potentially hurt someone else. X |
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Coming out of covid I found myself wanting to explore the poly lifestyle too. I suppose I'm a bit of a poly/swinger hybryd now.
I'm grateful to have found two solo partners understanding of my need to go off on my own to have fun with a couple and in that dynamic I am most certainly open to things developing on a deeper level with any couple that I might get on with really well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My partner and I are ethically non-monogamous and I am poly, both in theory and practice, with his support.
He doesn't want anything more than the swinging lifestyle, I would love to form a deeper connection with someone. However, in reality that proves quite hard, even the likes of OKCupid are full of men with completely unaware wives and where I can chose not to probe at swingers clubs, if I was to form a longer connection with someone, I wouldn't want that connection to potentially hurt someone else. X "
I am quite dubious of OKC too. Just a lot of people aren't being honest  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My partner and I are ethically non-monogamous and I am poly, both in theory and practice, with his support.
He doesn't want anything more than the swinging lifestyle, I would love to form a deeper connection with someone. However, in reality that proves quite hard, even the likes of OKCupid are full of men with completely unaware wives and where I can chose not to probe at swingers clubs, if I was to form a longer connection with someone, I wouldn't want that connection to potentially hurt someone else. X "
Couples can link their profiles on OkCupid, so you can easily avoid liars by only speaking to men who have linked their profiles to their partner. That way you know they're a legitimate poly couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My partner and I are ethically non-monogamous and I am poly, both in theory and practice, with his support.
He doesn't want anything more than the swinging lifestyle, I would love to form a deeper connection with someone. However, in reality that proves quite hard, even the likes of OKCupid are full of men with completely unaware wives and where I can chose not to probe at swingers clubs, if I was to form a longer connection with someone, I wouldn't want that connection to potentially hurt someone else. X
Couples can link their profiles on OkCupid, so you can easily avoid liars by only speaking to men who have linked their profiles to their partner. That way you know they're a legitimate poly couple."
I think that would take it down to two guys in my area!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are currently in a poly relationship.
Mr has a regular play partner who is masochistic and submissive, though he also meets other women.
Mrs joins in on occasion and does sometimes get a little jealous, which is something she actually enjoys.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve enjoyed reading the comments in this thread.
I had a very open and polyamorous relationship with an older couple as a student. The three of us became very close and loving with one another.
It’s not easy to find the right partners but when you do it can enrich your life. |
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I don’t think you should “try” it or aim to “try” it. If it’s natural that’s cool. We did it and I didn’t enjoy the outcome. Messier than a normal relationship as there’s more variables to consider. Who changes first? Can you all stay in sync together? It is not always the case. Works for some obviously but it’s too much hassle and we wouldn’t ever do it again.
Sex is easy, three or more in a relationship is not. In our experience |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Didn’t set out to be in a poly relationship but ended up in one with an ex.
A guy we had a few meets with eventually became a regular and step by step slowly became more involved to the point where he was my girlfriends other boyfriend.
It was baby steps into it and none of us planned it but all enjoyed what it ended up as
Went far and above just sharing and threesomes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My partner and I are ethically non-monogamous and I am poly, both in theory and practice, with his support.
He doesn't want anything more than the swinging lifestyle, I would love to form a deeper connection with someone. However, in reality that proves quite hard, even the likes of OKCupid are full of men with completely unaware wives and where I can chose not to probe at swingers clubs, if I was to form a longer connection with someone, I wouldn't want that connection to potentially hurt someone else. X
Couples can link their profiles on OkCupid, so you can easily avoid liars by only speaking to men who have linked their profiles to their partner. That way you know they're a legitimate poly couple.
I think that would take it down to two guys in my area! "
Hey that's 2 more than 0! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My partner and I are ethically non-monogamous and I am poly, both in theory and practice, with his support.
He doesn't want anything more than the swinging lifestyle, I would love to form a deeper connection with someone. However, in reality that proves quite hard, even the likes of OKCupid are full of men with completely unaware wives and where I can chose not to probe at swingers clubs, if I was to form a longer connection with someone, I wouldn't want that connection to potentially hurt someone else. X
Couples can link their profiles on OkCupid, so you can easily avoid liars by only speaking to men who have linked their profiles to their partner. That way you know they're a legitimate poly couple.
I think that would take it down to two guys in my area!
Hey that's 2 more than 0! "
But then I'd have to fancy them and they me. I think I've had one date off OKC in 3 years. |
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"My partner and I are ethically non-monogamous and I am poly, both in theory and practice, with his support.
He doesn't want anything more than the swinging lifestyle, I would love to form a deeper connection with someone. However, in reality that proves quite hard, even the likes of OKCupid are full of men with completely unaware wives and where I can chose not to probe at swingers clubs, if I was to form a longer connection with someone, I wouldn't want that connection to potentially hurt someone else. X
Couples can link their profiles on OkCupid, so you can easily avoid liars by only speaking to men who have linked their profiles to their partner. That way you know they're a legitimate poly couple."
But that would also discount anyone single
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By *jbucksCouple
over a year ago
Bletchley |
We sort of have a kind of polyamoury going on so me and Jordan are together and I met someone from work and became friends and her husband and Jordan all met so all 4 of us are friends and we have swung together and to be honest we are friends but that close that we do all mix apart from me and the husband mixing together as we don't swing that way but everything else is there. So in a way we do it and it more feels like friends with benefits but with a couple |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My husband and I are best friends and would be open to a poly relationship for sure, but finding someone who fits with both of us is very important and next to impossible, "
Yes nearly impossible to find |
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By *atinocoupleCouple
over a year ago
SF, NY, London (in that order) |
All about the timing. And the right people of course. We wanted to find a couple to do this with. Some People we've played with that wouldn't be the right ones for a closer more regular arrangement, but one or two others would have been perfect...but then they move or we move!
Of course, the last couple of years has all but cancelled these plans |
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"My partner and I are ethically non-monogamous and I am poly, both in theory and practice, with his support.
He doesn't want anything more than the swinging lifestyle, I would love to form a deeper connection with someone. However, in reality that proves quite hard, even the likes of OKCupid are full of men with completely unaware wives and where I can chose not to probe at swingers clubs, if I was to form a longer connection with someone, I wouldn't want that connection to potentially hurt someone else. X
I am quite dubious of OKC too. Just a lot of people aren't being honest "
I met one of my partners on OKCupid. Nowhere is without its faults really but it definitely has benefits for looking for non-monogamous people. |
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I am solo polyamourous, I don't have the time or inclination for a full time relationship, so I have loving relationships with a few special men I see on a occasional basis, but am in contact with on a very regular basis, its almost like a sailor coming back from sea moment when we manage take time together which adds to our intimacy.
You can make polyamourous to suit your relationships any which way that suits you, after all the main ingredient is a loving connection and that's all that you need |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have recently seen the downside to this. We had a mutual girlfriend who dumped me when I said I wasn't happy that she spent much more time with Adrian than me. He is now in love with her and we are close to divorce |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have recently seen the downside to this. We had a mutual girlfriend who dumped me when I said I wasn't happy that she spent much more time with Adrian than me. He is now in love with her and we are close to divorce "
sorry to hear it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have recently seen the downside to this. We had a mutual girlfriend who dumped me when I said I wasn't happy that she spent much more time with Adrian than me. He is now in love with her and we are close to divorce
sorry to hear it "
Thank you |
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"Have recently seen the downside to this. We had a mutual girlfriend who dumped me when I said I wasn't happy that she spent much more time with Adrian than me. He is now in love with her and we are close to divorce
sorry to hear it
Thank you "
That's great news. You can finally ditch the dead wood |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have recently seen the downside to this. We had a mutual girlfriend who dumped me when I said I wasn't happy that she spent much more time with Adrian than me. He is now in love with her and we are close to divorce
sorry to hear it
Thank you
That's great news. You can finally ditch the dead wood"
After 16 years together, it's not that easy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have recently seen the downside to this. We had a mutual girlfriend who dumped me when I said I wasn't happy that she spent much more time with Adrian than me. He is now in love with her and we are close to divorce
sorry to hear it
Thank you
That's great news. You can finally ditch the dead wood
After 16 years together, it's not that easy"
No of course it isn't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have recently seen the downside to this. We had a mutual girlfriend who dumped me when I said I wasn't happy that she spent much more time with Adrian than me. He is now in love with her and we are close to divorce
sorry to hear it
Thank you
That's great news. You can finally ditch the dead wood
After 16 years together, it's not that easy"
I can't even imagine how that must be like for you  This doesn't amount to much but I wish you all the strength and luck in the world |
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"Have recently seen the downside to this. We had a mutual girlfriend who dumped me when I said I wasn't happy that she spent much more time with Adrian than me. He is now in love with her and we are close to divorce "
Thats harsh, sorry to hear this |
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