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Saved my marriage
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By *orte OP Man
over a year ago
Aberdeen |
Has swinging saved your marriage. Interested in hearing from long term couples. I know everyone is different and couples at least twice as much. There seems to be quite a lot of positive comments but often mention their ex which makes me wonder |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes and no.
So much to say on this I’ve just finished a book on the subject!
Ultimately my advice would be do this wholeheartedly together- be open, transparent and communicative. If you’re using it to patchwork over your problems it may do so but only temporarily. |
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I think you will find that swinging only opens cracks in relationships. What I admire about the couples i have met who thrive in the lifestyle, is that their relationship is so solid, swinging only cements those bonds. Never been that much in love and I envy them.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It took a while for me to pluck up the courage to start swinging. Husband was up for it for a long time. But I was worried about what it would do to 'us'.
We are absolutely solid and best friends to boot. Luckily, we love it!
I struggle to see how swinging can save a marriage if it's in trouble.
I'm genuinely interested to see if anyone has experienced a saved marriage from it.
Vx |
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By *aughtycp1Couple
over a year ago
Leicestershire |
I believe if you have a damaged relationship stay well away from the lifestyle.
If you have a chink in your relationship swinging will tear you apart. You must be totally transparent and trust one another completely x |
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By *pslad99Man
over a year ago
colchester |
Used to be in a relationship and we both wanted to try swinging and we had two good years doing it but she liked it to much and could not give it up so we split but I’m now back on here but single |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I believe if you have a damaged relationship stay well away from the lifestyle.
If you have a chink in your relationship swinging will tear you apart. You must be totally transparent and trust one another completely x"
Totally agree, you need to be in a solid relationship there cannot be no room for jealousy. |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
In our experience a marriage has to be strong to survive swinging. We have come across a number of couples who have tried to use swinging to paper over other problems within their marriages and it has never ended well.
You need to be open and honest, totally trusting in your partner anything less will lead to jealousy, mistrust and anger. |
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Couldn't agree more with most of the responses. You need a long term, rock solid relationship to get into this caper. We were each other's firsts until we did this last year. We love it. Pick carefully and stick to your guns and it can actually enhance the sexual side of your own relationship. Mrs here, and both love it equally. Approach it intelligently and let yourself go in the moment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having to have deep open conversations about likes dislikes preferences etc etc and then putting ourselves out there and meeting some amazing people, has definitely strengthened us, we have had ups and downs over the years but the openness you have to have doing this, has strengthened us - Griz |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your relationship has to be absolutely rock solid before going down the swinging road. You need to talk with your partner and every stage of what you both want from it. If there is any doubts from either partner, then stay clear from swinging !!
If your both committed to each other and your relationship is 100% solid then swinging may enhance your situation even more xx |
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Your relationship needs to be rock solid with great communication to swing successfully and happily for both partners.
I suspect there are a some couples where one partner is swinging in order to save the relationship rather than because they want to. I do think that swinging has in some instances saved marriages but I don't claim that both people are happy. |
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I’m in agreement with the other posters. If you’re trying to spice up or fix a damaged relationship it will most likely be destroyed by adding in extra people.
You wholeheartedly need to trust your partner and have faith in your relationship, any niggling doubts or issues will be amplified.
Lou x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we swing because we are a rock solid couple deeply in love and trust and on the same page even 30 years after being married and 28 of those in this life style if your weak or something missing this lifestyle will destroy whats left before you know it ...swinging is not a sticky plaster |
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41 years and swinging for eight we couldn't love one another more when started and it has made that better. We would not recommend to start this until you are both a 100% in love and sure your communication is too. We were told by a younger couple when started you'll find tears and elation. But honesty openness and respect will keep you strong. Really wise words we have appreciated every day.   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's saved our sex lives made them massivley more interesting and to be frank, more so for me buy Mrs gets a lot out of it as advised by feedback and a jucier pussy. |
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We've been on social meets with other couples and even over a few drinks you can tell that swinging isn't for them.
We declined on taking things further because we didn't want to get involved in their inevitable arguments/break ups.
It's certainly not something that should be tried to see what happens. You both need to talk and find out what it is you want to get from the experience. |
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By *nly4funMan
over a year ago
Nottingham |
"We've been on social meets with other couples and even over a few drinks you can tell that swinging isn't for them.
We declined on taking things further because we didn't want to get involved in their inevitable arguments/break ups.
It's certainly not something that should be tried to see what happens. You both need to talk and find out what it is you want to get from the experience. "
I wasn’t in a FWB relationship for a while. We met on here. We went to a few parties and absolutely love it. She had no problem being with other fellas and even met some of them solo (121) and I was OK with that too. But she couldn’t handle me being with another woman, even in a party/club setting.
As a result I wouldn’t go with just another couple or invite a lady for a threesome despite her being Bi cos I knew it would lead to problems, as it had before. And of course playing as a single male was a total no, even though we weren’t a proper couple.
Your head saying it’s all OK is not the same as what your heart can withstand. If both aren’t aligned, you’re in trouble. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Has swinging saved your marriage. Interested in hearing from long term couples. I know everyone is different and couples at least twice as much. There seems to be quite a lot of positive comments but often mention their ex which makes me wonder "
Yes, I will talk about the ex-wife, as that has nothing to do with our split. We swung for 7 years together and it enhanced our sex life as we had moved to the midlands and didn't have any friends here.
Now my current two year open relationship has just split as we want different things from sex and life in general.
Make of that what you will. I have friends it has split and may it has kept together.  |
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Hi myself and wife wondering same, want to try it but scared stiff it will split us, idea is of interest to both of us but not sure how jealous we will feel afterwards. Any advice, we married 12 years with two kids, good relationship, any tips for starting out gently to test waters? Thanks Ben and Sam |
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"Hi myself and wife wondering same, want to try it but scared stiff it will split us, idea is of interest to both of us but not sure how jealous we will feel afterwards. Any advice, we married 12 years with two kids, good relationship, any tips for starting out gently to test waters? Thanks Ben and Sam"
Why do you think you'll feel jealous? |
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"Hi myself and wife wondering same, want to try it but scared stiff it will split us, idea is of interest to both of us but not sure how jealous we will feel afterwards. Any advice, we married 12 years with two kids, good relationship, any tips for starting out gently to test waters? Thanks Ben and Sam
Why do you think you'll feel jealous? "
You could start by meeting a couple and doing same room own partner only or "soft swing" which is foreplay with the other person only. |
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"Hi ok thanks good advice, just can't predict how we will feel about jealousy until we try it, that's awkward bit, thanks for your advice"
My personal opinion is that if you're both worried you're probably better off not doing it |
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Only works if you communicate well and deal with jealousy and possessiveness well.
Plenty of men and women can't deal with it. Some can deal with it only if it's the woman with another woman. And vice versa. I've talked to a bunch of women who told me they couldn't share a partner and even weren't up for them being able to sleep with other men and me not go with another woman.
But if you are good at communicating and are honest it can be fun for you both. |
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Just an interesting and occasional hobby for us. I don’t have to hide how much I’d like to play with other women and if she feels like some fun then I’m happy for her. Much better than the cheating / lying / covering things up route. |
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We are kind of in the same boat as you. Together almost 18years, solid relationship, amazing sex life together already and we both love the idea of sharing but there's that niggle of what if we don't like it in real life?
I guess we have to try it and see- maybe never do it again or try it and love it?!
We're thinking about a club as a soft introduction then we can meet people and see more in real life if we're attracted to the scene- if that makes sense. |
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"Hi myself and wife wondering same, want to try it but scared stiff it will split us, idea is of interest to both of us but not sure how jealous we will feel afterwards. Any advice, we married 12 years with two kids, good relationship, any tips for starting out gently to test waters? Thanks Ben and Sam"
My previous reply was in response to this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was married for 20 years with no problems in the marriage id say swinging for the last 5 years and she basically fell in love with another married man and said she couldn't do us anymore she needed to be with him.
So id say there is always a danger to damage your marriage |
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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago
West Mids |
"I've been in a sexless marriage for the past 9 yrs, if it wasn't for fab we probably wouldn't be as happy and solid a family as we are x"
You mention in your profile that your hubby knows.
Now that is the way to have a happy and solid marriage. Open and honest.
Good for you!! |
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"I was married for 20 years with no problems in the marriage id say swinging for the last 5 years and she basically fell in love with another married man and said she couldn't do us anymore she needed to be with him.
So id say there is always a danger to damage your marriage "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our marriage was great but getting stale ,looking after kids , working towards the mortgage etc. Sex life was almost nill.
So tried swinging and we are back like any youngsters in love .
Definitely brought us close to each other and today we take each other everywhere and anywhere.
Swinging does helps you to shift your priority towards your wife or husband again. |
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Thanks Sanjpriya, good to hear sounds like we in similar situation. So you can safely say your original feelings for each other haven't changed? Can I also ask how long you been swinging? Thanks Ben |
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Joining this lifestyle opened doors in our relationship that we did not realise were closed. We play together and alone, but always with the others consent.
One thing we do not do is put each other under pressure, it’s been a fantastic journey together and one we do not intend rushing.
After 32 years together it has been a new chapter in a book we are glad we started. |
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It's unlikely swinging would save any marriage. There're many couples on fab who then become "Male playing alone", it's sad to see. We would only advise swinging if you already have a great sex life and have no jealousy issues. It's certainly adds some excitement though  |
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"Thoughts on whether lifestyle is addictive within a marriage or can you easily dip in and out when you feel like it?"
For us it's not addictive, we pick it up and put it down according to how we feel.
The thing about swinging is that there is no one, right way to go about it. Some people literally see it as a lifestyle and centre everything around it others just enjoy occasional sorties into the swinging world and everything in between. |
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"Thoughts on whether lifestyle is addictive within a marriage or can you easily dip in and out when you feel like it?
Do you mean as a couple?"
Hi both couple and potentially just one of the partys |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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swinging is a life style choice for strong couples not a sticky plaster for couples under strain with there relationship ...if your not a strong couple it wont work...
its also why we say singles need thick skin on the scene just another way of saying if your not strong minded then this scene is really not for you
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