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Sti check before date
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I was chatting to a lady for a while and she let me know that she had been dogging and had sex with 5 guys. I then said that because these were random men that I would not meet unless she had a test. I had passed with flying colours recently and I haven't had any sex since.
She wasn't too pleased with the request. ?? |
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By *atcoupleCouple
over a year ago
Suffolk - East Anglia |
"I was chatting to a lady for a while and she let me know that she had been dogging and had sex with 5 guys. I then said that because these were random men that I would not meet unless she had a test. I had passed with flying colours recently and I haven't had any sex since.
She wasn't too pleased with the request. ??"
Seems like a reasonable request under the circumstances. |
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"I guess if your meet was agreed to be bareback I don't see this as a strange request. If protection was going to be used then I guess there is room for some people to be put off. "
Well condoms aren't that reliable, things go wrong and you can pick things up from oral etc. |
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"I was chatting to a lady for a while and she let me know that she had been dogging and had sex with 5 guys. I then said that because these were random men that I would not meet unless she had a test. I had passed with flying colours recently and I haven't had any sex since.
She wasn't too pleased with the request. ??"
Fair on your part from where I'm sat. |
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"I was chatting to a lady for a while and she let me know that she had been dogging and had sex with 5 guys. I then said that because these were random men that I would not meet unless she had a test. I had passed with flying colours recently and I haven't had any sex since.
She wasn't too pleased with the request. ??"
She told you... she didn't have to as it's none or your business. Do you really think that 5 people is that bad if she was using protection?
I have many many guys and I get myself regularly tested but would just not meet someone if they told me to get one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Although I do understand why you'd ask her to get tested - some STIs may not show up for up to 3 months. Was you expecting her to abstain from sex for that period of time before she gets tested? The risks aren't different to someone who would have sex with a different partner every week, couple of weeks. To be fair, when I'm meeting I get tested regularly. Wouldn't meet someone if they insisted for me to get tested specifically before meeting them. |
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"I was chatting to a lady for a while and she let me know that she had been dogging and had sex with 5 guys. I then said that because these were random men that I would not meet unless she had a test. I had passed with flying colours recently and I haven't had any sex since.
She wasn't too pleased with the request. ??"
Wouldn't touch her with a 20ft bargepole.... Errr make it 40ft  |
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"Although I do understand why you'd ask her to get tested - some STIs may not show up for up to 3 months. Was you expecting her to abstain from sex for that period of time before she gets tested? The risks aren't different to someone who would have sex with a different partner every week, couple of weeks. To be fair, when I'm meeting I get tested regularly. Wouldn't meet someone if they insisted for me to get tested specifically before meeting them."
Nah, but I wouldn't get shitty with them, I'd just wait my normal time to get tested and if I really wanted to meet them I'd meet then. I wouldn't go earlier. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Although I do understand why you'd ask her to get tested - some STIs may not show up for up to 3 months. Was you expecting her to abstain from sex for that period of time before she gets tested? The risks aren't different to someone who would have sex with a different partner every week, couple of weeks. To be fair, when I'm meeting I get tested regularly. Wouldn't meet someone if they insisted for me to get tested specifically before meeting them.
Nah, but I wouldn't get shitty with them, I'd just wait my normal time to get tested and if I really wanted to meet them I'd meet then. I wouldn't go earlier. "
I'm not saying anyone needs to get shitty. I'd decline politely. |
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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago
Cardiff |
I've said no to someone before because they had regular unprotected sex with someone *they* trust. I'm sure I've taken risks unwittingly but if I know about it, I choose not to do it.
It's your body and therefore your choice. People who get defensive over it wouldn't interest me in the first place.
However, it's also awkward to insist on a test and proof. I think it's best to gauge how responsible someone is by talking to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was chatting to a lady for a while and she let me know that she had been dogging and had sex with 5 guys. I then said that because these were random men that I would not meet unless she had a test. I had passed with flying colours recently and I haven't had any sex since.
She wasn't too pleased with the request. ??"
Then she's not worth it  |
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"I was chatting to a lady for a while and she let me know that she had been dogging and had sex with 5 guys. I then said that because these were random men that I would not meet unless she had a test. I had passed with flying colours recently and I haven't had any sex since.
She wasn't too pleased with the request. ??"
I can only think of two reasons a person would get offended by an STD test and neither of them are good. You dodged a bullet. People with casual partners should be doing it anyway. |
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"I was chatting to a lady for a while and she let me know that she had been dogging and had sex with 5 guys. I then said that because these were random men that I would not meet unless she had a test. I had passed with flying colours recently and I haven't had any sex since.
She wasn't too pleased with the request. ??
Wouldn't touch her with a 20ft bargepole.... Errr make it 40ft "
why? I would imagine the lady in question would do tests just not happy to be told she needs to for a meet |
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"I was chatting to a lady for a while and she let me know that she had been dogging and had sex with 5 guys. I then said that because these were random men that I would not meet unless she had a test. I had passed with flying colours recently and I haven't had any sex since.
She wasn't too pleased with the request. ??
Wouldn't touch her with a 20ft bargepole.... Errr make it 40ft why? I would imagine the lady in question would do tests just not happy to be told she needs to for a meet"
You imagine? |
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I can't see an issue with asking a potential sexual partner to get tested or if they have a recent test?
A lot of people get all defensive when you discuss sexual health, like you're implying that they're dirty or immoral, I don't know. You're not we're all here because we enjoy casual sex, right? Testing and screening should be spoken about more and normalised.
We get tested regularly (monthly, helps when your partner is a nurse who's worked at the sexual health clinic) and we'd happily get a seperate test if it helped set a potential partner/s minds at ease.
Sounds like you're best off out of that OP 
Flynn. |
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We get tested every 3 months.
We won’t play bareback with anyone, only each other. We encourage our regular playmates to be tested as well but wouldn’t force anyone. It has to be there choice.
But, if we had any doubts at all we wouldn’t play. |
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"I can't see an issue with asking a potential sexual partner to get tested or if they have a recent test?
A lot of people get all defensive when you discuss sexual health, like you're implying that they're dirty or immoral, I don't know. You're not we're all here because we enjoy casual sex, right? Testing and screening should be spoken about more and normalised.
We get tested regularly (monthly, helps when your partner is a nurse who's worked at the sexual health clinic) and we'd happily get a seperate test if it helped set a potential partner/s minds at ease.
Sounds like you're best off out of that OP
Flynn."
Thanks Flynn I also take a Covid test before I consider meeting
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I test regularly but I wouldn't do a test specifically because some guy would ask me to before I meet him and I also wouldn't be taking his word that he is clean either or hadn't had a sex since he was last tested.
It should be good practice to be regularly tested anyhow .
She may have gotten annoyed because you seem to have judged her for having sex with several men at once and it's probably more about that than the fact you asked her about a test. At least she was truthful with you and told you about it. I bet she will be delighted to see this thread where some on here seem to be judging her also. Funny how that happens on site where you would think people would be more open to others kinks. |
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"I test regularly but I wouldn't do a test specifically because some guy would ask me to before I meet him and I also wouldn't be taking his word that he is clean either or hadn't had a sex since he was last tested."
It's all relative though isn't it? By asking potential partners for proof of a clean recent test we'd know that we'd be ok to say to out next partner "I'm thorough with looking after my sexual health"
If person 1 proves they're sti free you can say to person 2 "I am sti free" now I know nothing is certain but it's about it's about reducing risk surely?
I can absolutely appreciate people being offended if a potential partner asks for a test yet refuses to do one themselves. The op has said that he would do one too, implying that he's sexually active and prepared to prove his commitment to the meeting so I don't understand where the judgement is?
I really don't get people being upset by being asked. I suppose it's the same as everything in life we have a personal choice to make and I respect peoples ability to choose.
Personally if I offered to provide a current/recent test and my potential partner didnt I wouldn't go ahead with a meet.
F |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"I test regularly but I wouldn't do a test specifically because some guy would ask me to before I meet him and I also wouldn't be taking his word that he is clean either or hadn't had a sex since he was last tested.
It's all relative though isn't it? By asking potential partners for proof of a clean recent test we'd know that we'd be ok to say to out next partner "I'm thorough with looking after my sexual health"
If person 1 proves they're sti free you can say to person 2 "I am sti free" now I know nothing is certain but it's about it's about reducing risk surely?
I can absolutely appreciate people being offended if a potential partner asks for a test yet refuses to do one themselves. The op has said that he would do one too, implying that he's sexually active and prepared to prove his commitment to the meeting so I don't understand where the judgement is?
I really don't get people being upset by being asked. I suppose it's the same as everything in life we have a personal choice to make and I respect peoples ability to choose.
Personally if I offered to provide a current/recent test and my potential partner didnt I wouldn't go ahead with a meet.
F "
He didn't offer to do one he said he did one recently and passed with flying colours which I presuame he means he didn't have any why should she take his word he hasn't had sex since .
And the judgement part came because it reads like he only asked her because she went dogging it seems if he didn't know this he wouldn't have asked her to. And if you read other comments one person said he wouldn't touch her so ye that's pretty judgemental .
I personally wouldn't do a test just because someone I have never met insists on it before we meet .Plus I do social meets first anyhow just because I meet someone does not mean anything more is guaranteed so I'd find it presumptuous of someone asking me to do one.
If we met and they were that worried about it and asked me to I'd expect them to do one as well. If they claimed they had a 'current' one they could jog on as why should I take their word on it when they expect me to get tested.
Luckily none of this has ever been an issue anyhow on here for me and like I said I get tested anyhow and have no issue with that.
It makes me wonder tho if people demand people get tested when meeting people away from fab or do they think people off fab are somehow less likely to have sti's  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was chatting to a lady for a while and she let me know that she had been dogging and had sex with 5 guys. I then said that because these were random men that I would not meet unless she had a test. I had passed with flying colours recently and I haven't had any sex since.
She wasn't too pleased with the request. ??"
You're not compatible...simple as that. |
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"I think you should also ask for a full credit history check and references."
That is quite a childish attitude for an adult website. Regular testing and open conversations without stigma should be the norm for everyone and especially anyone who's very active e.g. the swinging community. I get tested every month or so.
End the stigma, talk and get tested.
I wouldn't meet anyone who's not happy to talk about their STI status and get tested |
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"I can't see an issue with asking a potential sexual partner to get tested or if they have a recent test?
A lot of people get all defensive when you discuss sexual health, like you're implying that they're dirty or immoral, I don't know. You're not we're all here because we enjoy casual sex, right? Testing and screening should be spoken about more and normalised.
We get tested regularly (monthly, helps when your partner is a nurse who's worked at the sexual health clinic) and we'd happily get a seperate test if it helped set a potential partner/s minds at ease.
Sounds like you're best off out of that OP
Flynn."
Well said  |
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"I test regularly but I wouldn't do a test specifically because some guy would ask me to before I meet him and I also wouldn't be taking his word that he is clean either or hadn't had a sex since he was last tested.
It's all relative though isn't it? By asking potential partners for proof of a clean recent test we'd know that we'd be ok to say to out next partner "I'm thorough with looking after my sexual health"
If person 1 proves they're sti free you can say to person 2 "I am sti free" now I know nothing is certain but it's about it's about reducing risk surely?
I can absolutely appreciate people being offended if a potential partner asks for a test yet refuses to do one themselves. The op has said that he would do one too, implying that he's sexually active and prepared to prove his commitment to the meeting so I don't understand where the judgement is?
I really don't get people being upset by being asked. I suppose it's the same as everything in life we have a personal choice to make and I respect peoples ability to choose.
Personally if I offered to provide a current/recent test and my potential partner didnt I wouldn't go ahead with a meet.
F
He didn't offer to do one he said he did one recently and passed with flying colours which I presuame he means he didn't have any why should she take his word he hasn't had sex since .
And the judgement part came because it reads like he only asked her because she went dogging it seems if he didn't know this he wouldn't have asked her to. And if you read other comments one person said he wouldn't touch her so ye that's pretty judgemental .
I personally wouldn't do a test just because someone I have never met insists on it before we meet .Plus I do social meets first anyhow just because I meet someone does not mean anything more is guaranteed so I'd find it presumptuous of someone asking me to do one.
If we met and they were that worried about it and asked me to I'd expect them to do one as well. If they claimed they had a 'current' one they could jog on as why should I take their word on it when they expect me to get tested.
Luckily none of this has ever been an issue anyhow on here for me and like I said I get tested anyhow and have no issue with that.
It makes me wonder tho if people demand people get tested when meeting people away from fab or do they think people off fab are somehow less likely to have sti's "
So let's say that we chatted here on fab, got on well and arranged a social meet, in that social I told you that I had recently been dogging and had sexual contact with 5 strangers you wouldn't ask me for a sti test before progressing to a more intimate step?
We're obviously at different ends of this discussion, I still stand by my point of normalising and talking more open about sexual health and testing. I would never be offended by a potential sexual partner asking for me to provide a fresh test.
As we've said, we all have choices in life. None of us have to feel uncomfortable doing anything we don't want to. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"
So let's say that we chatted here on fab, got on well and arranged a social meet, in that social I told you that I had recently been dogging and had sexual contact with 5 strangers you wouldn't ask me for a sti test before progressing to a more intimate step?
We're obviously at different ends of this discussion, I still stand by my point of normalising and talking more open about sexual health and testing. I would never be offended by a potential sexual partner asking for me to provide a fresh test.
As we've said, we all have choices in life. None of us have to feel uncomfortable doing anything we don't want to. "
You obviously didn't read the part where I said if I met the person and they asked I would expect them to do a test as well . He clearly says he had a recent test and hasn't slept with anyone since as though that should be just accepted as true Would you be okay with that if someone said that to you after asking you to be tested so ? Because it wouldn't be acceptable to me .
There is no stigma about testing in my eyes.
And yes I agree no one should do anything on here that makes them uncomfortable . |
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"How do you pass a STD test "with flying colours" ?
I was wondering that as well!!!
It's just a turn of phrase.. meaning
I was all clear. It's not the most important part of the message"
It sounded like you were bragging about being cleaner than everyone else |
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"I test regularly but I wouldn't do a test specifically because some guy would ask me to before I meet him and I also wouldn't be taking his word that he is clean either or hadn't had a sex since he was last tested.
It's all relative though isn't it? By asking potential partners for proof of a clean recent test we'd know that we'd be ok to say to out next partner "I'm thorough with looking after my sexual health"
If person 1 proves they're sti free you can say to person 2 "I am sti free" now I know nothing is certain but it's about it's about reducing risk surely?
I can absolutely appreciate people being offended if a potential partner asks for a test yet refuses to do one themselves. The op has said that he would do one too, implying that he's sexually active and prepared to prove his commitment to the meeting so I don't understand where the judgement is?
I really don't get people being upset by being asked. I suppose it's the same as everything in life we have a personal choice to make and I respect peoples ability to choose.
Personally if I offered to provide a current/recent test and my potential partner didnt I wouldn't go ahead with a meet.
F
He didn't offer to do one he said he did one recently and passed with flying colours which I presuame he means he didn't have any why should she take his word he hasn't had sex since .
And the judgement part came because it reads like he only asked her because she went dogging it seems if he didn't know this he wouldn't have asked her to. And if you read other comments one person said he wouldn't touch her so ye that's pretty judgemental .
I personally wouldn't do a test just because someone I have never met insists on it before we meet .Plus I do social meets first anyhow just because I meet someone does not mean anything more is guaranteed so I'd find it presumptuous of someone asking me to do one.
If we met and they were that worried about it and asked me to I'd expect them to do one as well. If they claimed they had a 'current' one they could jog on as why should I take their word on it when they expect me to get tested.
Luckily none of this has ever been an issue anyhow on here for me and like I said I get tested anyhow and have no issue with that.
It makes me wonder tho if people demand people get tested when meeting people away from fab or do they think people off fab are somehow less likely to have sti's "
I would not have sex with someone from anywhere unless they had been tested. I've never had a one night stand. |
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"How do you pass a STD test "with flying colours" ?
I was wondering that as well!!!
It's just a turn of phrase.. meaning
I was all clear. It's not the most important part of the message
It sounded like you were bragging about being cleaner than everyone else "
Um that's an odd way to look at it. Fair enough. |
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"I was chatting to a lady for a while and she let me know that she had been dogging and had sex with 5 guys. I then said that because these were random men that I would not meet unless she had a test. I had passed with flying colours recently and I haven't had any sex since.
She wasn't too pleased with the request. ??
Wouldn't touch her with a 20ft bargepole.... Errr make it 40ft why? I would imagine the lady in question would do tests just not happy to be told she needs to for a meet
You imagine? "
yes.. I'd imagine as most women I know that are into multiple guys get tested on a regular basis. I get tested monthly |
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"I think you should also ask for a full credit history check and references.
That is quite a childish attitude for an adult website. Regular testing and open conversations without stigma should be the norm for everyone and especially anyone who's very active e.g. the swinging community. I get tested every month or so.
End the stigma, talk and get tested.
I wouldn't meet anyone who's not happy to talk about their STI status and get tested"
Firstly it was tongue in cheek.
Secondly I said it because I thought OP came over as pretty self righteous.
I am not for a moment denigrating the need for regular checking (which I do) but I don’t think it is any other persons business and I certainly would not take kindly to having to “prove” myself to anyone. I don’t think anyone else should have to either.
If I have any concerns about someone else’s sexual behaviour then I am not interested. I always have safe sex myself.
I don’t think that makes me immune from all the risks but I know that having sex with other people carries a risk (we all know that right?) and I want to minimise the things under _my_ control.
The reason I think OP comes over as self righteous is the implication that this lady was somehow behaving badly because she had sex with multiple people at a dogging site. If she had sex with people one on one over several nights (as many do here) would that make a difference? If he was going to meet her at a club would he be happy to be her first of the night but not after X people? That smacks of hypocrisy to me.
Safe sex and regular testing get a massive thumbs up from me. Shaming someone for having sex with multiple people gets a massive downvote. |
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People have their own schedule for testing, including appointments already made. This is about preferences and compatibility. If you find someone isn't matched, you move on to the next.
Be careful that you don't appear to be judgemental or critical, when you just need to filter out others who don't match you and leave everyone in a good place |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People have their own schedule for testing, including appointments already made. This is about preferences and compatibility. If you find someone isn't matched, you move on to the next.
Be careful that you don't appear to be judgemental or critical, when you just need to filter out others who don't match you and leave everyone in a good place "
this 100% .. what other people do is for them to decide they have there way you have your way ...move on ..its really that simple
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"I was chatting to a lady for a while and she let me know that she had been dogging and had sex with 5 guys. I then said that because these were random men that I would not meet unless she had a test. I had passed with flying colours recently and I haven't had any sex since.
She wasn't too pleased with the request. ??"
 wtf did you expect??? |
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"I was chatting to a lady for a while and she let me know that she had been dogging and had sex with 5 guys. I then said that because these were random men that I would not meet unless she had a test. I had passed with flying colours recently and I haven't had any sex since.
She wasn't too pleased with the request. ??
Wouldn't touch her with a 20ft bargepole.... Errr make it 40ft why? I would imagine the lady in question would do tests just not happy to be told she needs to for a meet
You imagine? yes.. I'd imagine as most women I know that are into multiple guys get tested on a regular basis. I get tested monthly "
.
Quite a big assumption, most women? So let's say this woman gets tested once a month like your good self...... But she's going dogging maybe once a week or more often. Yeh the testing once a month is sufficient. Pleeeease!!
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"
I would not have sex with someone from anywhere unless they had been tested. I've never had a one night stand."
Are you sure this is the right corner of the internet for you? You do know what goes on on this site?  |
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"
Quite a big assumption, most women? So let's say this woman gets tested once a month like your good self...... But she's going dogging maybe once a week or more often. Yeh the testing once a month is sufficient. Pleeeease!!
"
So by extrapolation given that most threads on the forum are from single males who say they have been on the site since just before Columbus set sail and have not yet got lucky then they can get tested every 230 years?
And people who have multiple partners at a club have to get tested every 3 partners so they need a test every 22.6 minutes?
It is all a bit arbitrary isn’t it? |
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"
Quite a big assumption, most women? So let's say this woman gets tested once a month like your good self...... But she's going dogging maybe once a week or more often. Yeh the testing once a month is sufficient. Pleeeease!!
So by extrapolation given that most threads on the forum are from single males who say they have been on the site since just before Columbus set sail and have not yet got lucky then they can get tested every 230 years?
And people who have multiple partners at a club have to get tested every 3 partners so they need a test every 22.6 minutes?
It is all a bit arbitrary isn’t it?"
I'd settle for 30 mins, let's not split hairs |
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"I was chatting to a lady for a while and she let me know that she had been dogging and had sex with 5 guys. I then said that because these were random men that I would not meet unless she had a test. I had passed with flying colours recently and I haven't had any sex since.
She wasn't too pleased with the request. ??
Wouldn't touch her with a 20ft bargepole.... Errr make it 40ft why? I would imagine the lady in question would do tests just not happy to be told she needs to for a meet
You imagine? yes.. I'd imagine as most women I know that are into multiple guys get tested on a regular basis. I get tested monthly .
Quite a big assumption, most women? So let's say this woman gets tested once a month like your good self...... But she's going dogging maybe once a week or more often. Yeh the testing once a month is sufficient. Pleeeease!!
"
I get tested monthly which is way more than recommended. I also do group sessions most weeks at clubs.. protected for full sex.. oral without. I am advised that 4 to 6 weekly is more than sufficient. I've been swinging over 25 years... doing group play for pretty much all that time... and every single test I've ever had has been negative.
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