FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Pushy couples
Pushy couples
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So we finally found an attractive, local, soft swap couple, into the same kind of stuff as us, and within age range. Horraaayy!
We get talking. So far so good. But we miss their friend request and don't manage to reply to one of their messages within an hour... eek... a double message!
We log back on, only to find a perhaps slightly passive aggressive comment waiting for us. Benefit of the doubt reluctantly given and I politely ask them to calm down just a tad (obviously I didn't try to defuse the situation by saying calm down). In the meantime, we accept their friend request, but the spidey-sense is now tingling...
Another passive aggressive reply later and we decide we don't love having these guys on our friends list anymore, and unfriend them.
A message comes our way in a similar vein to the ones before and we're blocked before we can reply to explain.
So here we are, flabbergasted at the sheer short-sightedness of that approach. Astonished at the total lack of chill.....
And that, ladies and gentlemen, was our latest swinging adventure.
Meh. Don't mind me, just having a little moan. Feel free to send dick pics to cheer us both up. Thanks!
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You did the right thing by blocking them. The whole idea of meeting with others, possibly inviting them to join in with sexual activities and having a good time means you don’t want to try to make up with those that get easily upset and angry. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You did the right thing by blocking them. The whole idea of meeting with others, possibly inviting them to join in with sexual activities and having a good time means you don’t want to try to make up with those that get easily upset and angry. "
Haha WE were the ones who were blocked! But I make you right in what you say.
It's just rather frustrating. |
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Don’t worry about it.
There are some people that you should never meet.
If they show their true selves to you earlier, it saves you wasting your time.
Sometimes it can be a mistake, we’ve made some but usually your gut feeling is correct. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I look at these things as lucky escapes. Could you imagine if you’d met them? It’d just be awkward if you’d said the wrong thing or done the wrong thing in their eyes? I’ve been there and it’s far better it happened now than further down the line. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Reasonable behaviour.
I met a couple recently and I thought they were pushy before the meet.
Should have listened to myself. They were strange. I left. They asked if I'd like a veri. I declined to reply as I really didn't want associating with that account
Listen to your gut.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Reasonable behaviour.
I met a couple recently and I thought they were pushy before the meet.
Should have listened to myself. They were strange. I left. They asked if I'd like a veri. I declined to reply as I really didn't want associating with that account
Listen to your gut. "
Why did you go against your better judgement? |
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We wouldn't dream of being pushy and wont tolerate it ourselves.
If something feels like a red flag, it isn't happening. The few times we havnt followed those gut instincts is the few times its been a bad experiance. You live and learn as time goes on I guess. |
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By *rad670Man
over a year ago
South Lakes |
Probably better to find out their character early rather than at a meet. I once had a harsh reply after a few chats when I unfortunately misspelled the wife's unusual name, Mr gave me a ticking off and the chat ended there for me, I figured if he couldn't at least be light hearted about it and make a joke of it then they were far too serious for me. |
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OP,
This sounds fairly familiar I’m afraid.
We’ve often found couples pushier than the single guys we chat to, or mostly put even less effort in to their messages.
There’s the feeling that because they are a couple they hold all the cards and we’ll respond accordingly.
We don’t mind as it just makes it easier to filter them out and remove them from our ‘meet’ radar.
It is frustrating though!
- John |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t meet couples and have no changed my message filters to reflect that. I was bombarded by very pushy couples (worse than the single guys!) who wouldn’t take no for an answer and wanted me to try bi with the fem even though I’m very straight!! They were relentless! |
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When we were starting out, we ignored our gut and met up with some people who had a few red flags about them. Some were fine in person but one couple were awful!
We'd made it clear in the messages that we were only meeting for a coffee social and a friendly chat. 15minutes in and they were telling us all the things that they were going to do to us and weren't interested in our boundaries. 
After we left, we had a message from them calling us time wasters and were blocked.
After these experiences, we always go with our instincts. Some people are just bad at communicating over text and can be lovely in person but we're more reluctant to give them the benefit of the doubt now.
We've also been blocked after not responding to a message or a wink fast enough  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When we were starting out, we ignored our gut and met up with some people who had a few red flags about them. Some were fine in person but one couple were awful!
We'd made it clear in the messages that we were only meeting for a coffee social and a friendly chat. 15minutes in and they were telling us all the things that they were going to do to us and weren't interested in our boundaries.
After we left, we had a message from them calling us time wasters and were blocked.
After these experiences, we always go with our instincts. Some people are just bad at communicating over text and can be lovely in person but we're more reluctant to give them the benefit of the doubt now.
We've also been blocked after not responding to a message or a wink fast enough "
That’s ridiculous. This is the other half of the BeckyT couple here (Becky). I’m always a bit confused about the obsession with moving over to kik when we’re only just starting out with conversation on here.
One such couple asked to move onto kik. We obliged. Then all we got was a “morning” and nothing else for days. When I politely asked about it, they basically said they couldn’t be bothered to check Fab and, next thing I know, they’ve blocked me on kik, told me to look in the mirror and called Jake a time waster.
I think kik should be reserved until post meet and being Fab friend reserved until you actually know you’re going to meet for a social.
For something that’s supposed to be fun, people really know how to make it become a chore! |
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"When we were starting out, we ignored our gut and met up with some people who had a few red flags about them. Some were fine in person but one couple were awful!
We'd made it clear in the messages that we were only meeting for a coffee social and a friendly chat. 15minutes in and they were telling us all the things that they were going to do to us and weren't interested in our boundaries.
After we left, we had a message from them calling us time wasters and were blocked.
After these experiences, we always go with our instincts. Some people are just bad at communicating over text and can be lovely in person but we're more reluctant to give them the benefit of the doubt now.
We've also been blocked after not responding to a message or a wink fast enough
That’s ridiculous. This is the other half of the BeckyT couple here (Becky). I’m always a bit confused about the obsession with moving over to kik when we’re only just starting out with conversation on here.
One such couple asked to move onto kik. We obliged. Then all we got was a “morning” and nothing else for days. When I politely asked about it, they basically said they couldn’t be bothered to check Fab and, next thing I know, they’ve blocked me on kik, told me to look in the mirror and called Jake a time waster.
I think kik should be reserved until post meet and being Fab friend reserved until you actually know you’re going to meet for a social.
For something that’s supposed to be fun, people really know how to make it become a chore! "
That's the key thing. This is supposed to be fun, but some people are full of drama (like the OP's experience) and can make fab feel like a chore, taking all the fun out of it. They just need to lighten up, see who they like the look of, chat to see if they get on, then meet up if all parties are willing |
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I haven't had many nasty messages during my 5 years here but the majority of those I have received have been from couples.
I haven't sent a first contact message since feb 2020 so all conversations are initiated by others.
I've had opening messages full of demands such as facepic and phone number or you wont be meeting us. Shave your beard or we won't add you to our list.
I've been told my age is against me and the fact I'm straight but if i play bi and/or guarantee a sexy lady they would consider putting me on their to do list.
I've had pleasant conversations for days with the female half of couples which have ended as soon as the male half joins in and given me instructions about what will happen when we meet and the quality of hotel they expect me to pay for.
All of these have resulted in being told it was by loss. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds like you dodged a bullet. We have been blocked (I think) because we haven’t responded to a wink quick enough or a message. We don’t reply unless we have spoken together about the message. "
This
So many couples and single guys don't seem to realise that a couple who both have full time jobs may take some time to both read the message and agree a response.
I'll read a message then mark it unread to highlight it for either K to read or us both to read when together.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So we finally found an attractive, local, soft swap couple, into the same kind of stuff as us, and within age range. Horraaayy!
We get talking. So far so good. But we miss their friend request and don't manage to reply to one of their messages within an hour... eek... a double message!
We log back on, only to find a perhaps slightly passive aggressive comment waiting for us. Benefit of the doubt reluctantly given and I politely ask them to calm down just a tad (obviously I didn't try to defuse the situation by saying calm down). In the meantime, we accept their friend request, but the spidey-sense is now tingling...
Another passive aggressive reply later and we decide we don't love having these guys on our friends list anymore, and unfriend them.
A message comes our way in a similar vein to the ones before and we're blocked before we can reply to explain.
So here we are, flabbergasted at the sheer short-sightedness of that approach. Astonished at the total lack of chill.....
And that, ladies and gentlemen, was our latest swinging adventure.
Meh. Don't mind me, just having a little moan. Feel free to send dick pics to cheer us both up. Thanks!
"
BeckyT, you want to try being a married bloke playing on your own on here!
I can send you a dick pic to cheer you up, will cost you a pic of that love bush though  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So we finally found an attractive, local, soft swap couple, into the same kind of stuff as us, and within age range. Horraaayy!
We get talking. So far so good. But we miss their friend request and don't manage to reply to one of their messages within an hour... eek... a double message!
We log back on, only to find a perhaps slightly passive aggressive comment waiting for us. Benefit of the doubt reluctantly given and I politely ask them to calm down just a tad (obviously I didn't try to defuse the situation by saying calm down). In the meantime, we accept their friend request, but the spidey-sense is now tingling...
Another passive aggressive reply later and we decide we don't love having these guys on our friends list anymore, and unfriend them.
A message comes our way in a similar vein to the ones before and we're blocked before we can reply to explain.
So here we are, flabbergasted at the sheer short-sightedness of that approach. Astonished at the total lack of chill.....
And that, ladies and gentlemen, was our latest swinging adventure.
Meh. Don't mind me, just having a little moan. Feel free to send dick pics to cheer us both up. Thanks!
"
I’m sorry I shouldn’t laugh but it is amazing this is happening to couples too.
I just thought it was single men that IF they get chatting to people they are expected to drop everything and be instantly available.
You are right to use your spidey senses. A near miss that is well evaded. |
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"
That’s ridiculous. This is the other half of the BeckyT couple here (Becky). I’m always a bit confused about the obsession with moving over to kik when we’re only just starting out with conversation on here.
One such couple asked to move onto kik. We obliged. Then all we got was a “morning” and nothing else for days. When I politely asked about it, they basically said they couldn’t be bothered to check Fab and, next thing I know, they’ve blocked me on kik, told me to look in the mirror and called Jake a time waster.
I think kik should be reserved until post meet and being Fab friend reserved until you actually know you’re going to meet for a social.
For something that’s supposed to be fun, people really know how to make it become a chore! "
Heya Becky!  We'll use kik before a meet with couples but only after we've had a decent back and forth over fabmail first. If all four of us are chatting over kik then it gives us a better feel for the dynamic.
We've had the same experience of getting hustled over to kik early on only for the chat to either die off or for it to just be one half of the couple doing all the talking. Or they want to chat all the time and get sniffy when you're too busy to reply  |
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Couples are just the hardest thing to get right.
They either want to meet straight away with no chat or they hardly engage after agreeing to chat (chat to us is us both having a conversation rather than one way questions from us and them just answering!).
We do like to take the chat to Telegram, as having a four way conversation on here is not possible. That way we can gauge what both people are like too.
We do wonder how some couples meet as it’s like pulling teeth at times trying to engage. But as people have said it saves you time - it’s just a filter for us
K
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Yer that wouldn't be for us either. We just like things to flow naturally into the bedroom. Nothing forced, expected or too premeditated.
That's why we like to leave it to clubs for finding and meeting new people. We meet people face to face and it either all slots into place naturally or it doesn't. Either way we also in a neutral place with more opportunities. |
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"So we finally found an attractive, local, soft swap couple, into the same kind of stuff as us, and within age range. Horraaayy!
We get talking. So far so good. But we miss their friend request and don't manage to reply to one of their messages within an hour... eek... a double message!
We log back on, only to find a perhaps slightly passive aggressive comment waiting for us. Benefit of the doubt reluctantly given and I politely ask them to calm down just a tad (obviously I didn't try to defuse the situation by saying calm down). In the meantime, we accept their friend request, but the spidey-sense is now tingling...
Another passive aggressive reply later and we decide we don't love having these guys on our friends list anymore, and unfriend them.
A message comes our way in a similar vein to the ones before and we're blocked before we can reply to explain.
So here we are, flabbergasted at the sheer short-sightedness of that approach. Astonished at the total lack of chill.....
And that, ladies and gentlemen, was our latest swinging adventure.
Meh. Don't mind me, just having a little moan. Feel free to send dick pics to cheer us both up. Thanks!
"
You're lucky you discovered their 'attitude' before investing too much time and effort in them. Chatting and finding out, whether very quickly or after a good period of time, how people really are is no bad thing. Imagine if you'd met them.
For us success isn't the number of meetings we have, far from it. It's about separating the wheat from the chaff so that when we do meet we know we're not going to be disappointed. |
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Fascinating incite to other people's experiences and perspectives.
We have been on here actively (joined a bit before that) for a month now and it's been an interesting experience. We are both very conscious of not being too pushy as the same thing coming the other way would probably turn us off.
We like the wink function as it's a good way of indicating we are interested in chatting for us. we do try and look for a wink back to initiate a chat. I (T) do find the chat on fabs a bit slow and I can understand the desire to move to Kik, although most moves to Kik for us have actually had almost the opposite for us and seem to have killed off the conversation!
We do try and let conversations get to a natural point before logging off as we have struggled with the stop start of fabs messages, always nice to send or get a quick message to say logging off now and chat at later point, but get that is not always possible. |
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