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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are a few answers to this, and they all have their merit. Here are the ones I can think of:
Try stopping and starting - this works for me; if I'm close, I ease off for about 30 seconds then go again. After a while I find I've been having sex for much longer than I expected! (I've suffered from VERY premature ejaculation before and know the disappoinment that comes with it).
Numbing lube is an option - some condoms have this in them. They have their place, but they can numb so much that all sensation is lost, so they're not my preferred go-to. They're worth a try though, if you want to.
The biggest problem I found with these was that I couldn't even feel if I was still hard, so.. well. Not for me.
Here's a weird one: when I took Prozac (Fluoxetine) for the first few weeks I couldn't cum at all! It was good as far as longevity went but did get frustrating after a while. Doctors will prescribe this for P.E. though, so it can be worth investigating. Obviously it's quite a serious way to treat things.
Sometimes, if I have a wank a few hours before sex then I can last longer. Sometimes though, I'm just not in the mood anymore. Again, it's worth a try but comes with its pitfalls, and doesn't guarantee a long session later - I can still cum quickly the second time too, which is a bummer.
The thing that makes me cum quickest is when my partner is cumming (or getting close). So, with the stop-start thing, my partner stops and starts too.. it's fun! And, it takes some communication, which essentially is the key to everything...
...which leads me onto this:
A sex therapist can help. There's absolutely no shame in talking to one, and it will improve things. It's worth the investment financially because it will introduce all sorts of things that again boil down to communication.
After writing all that, I've realised that these days I'm with a wonderful lover with whom things are different to anything I've had before. The difference is that she doesn't mind AT ALL if I cum quickly sometimes. This was the crux for me - in the past my partners have complained when I came too soon, and of course that created anxiety. But with my girl, she never complains. In fact we just laugh about it and say 'well it can't be any quicker next time,' and then we cuddle and share a type of intimacy that isn't so much sexual as comforting. This has helped me to relax so so much and is the technique I'd recommend.
All of this is connected to an anxiety really, and anxiety is always helped through honest and non-judgemental communication plus self acceptance... So... Well, what does that leave us with? I think it means that sex shouldn't be the aim. Intimacy should be the aim, and sex should be a by-product of that.
I'm not sure how to finish writing this but please feel free to message me if you want any guidance from an occasional premature ejaculator who also works in mental health 
Hope that all helps somehow! X"
This is a really helpful and insightful post 
I'm really pleased you found the right woman which makes it a none issue.
I have had ohases in our relationship where id cum quickly as K turned me on so much but she saw it as a compliment never made any issue out of it and if she was still horny encouraged me to please her via oral, fingers etc. Over time it became apparent when doing this I go go again within minutes. Fast forward and after 3 years of been married our sex life has never been better I can completely control when I cum 99% of the time and I can cum 2 to 3 times in one session without stopping.
It's incredible the difference finding your soul mate and sexual equal can make.
KJ |
