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Fwb..how honest should you be?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey everyone..
So I had an fwb for about 16 months..we had a great relationship although always on his terms, if I ever asked to meet there would always be an excuse why he couldn't.. we started off seeing each other once every 6-8 weeks and then more recently every 3-4 weeks..I always asked for openness and honesty so I could make decisions for myself.
Over the last few months I found out he had been dating, also that he had 2-3 other regular fwb' s that he had found on Tinder and Bumble..and also lied to me on more occasions that I could list..thoughts please, men and ladies I would love to hear your opinions..thank you.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Fact it was always on his terms would have made me back off. You're well rid, fwb's should be open and honest, no reason to hide anything.  "
Thanks..I think his kink is deception and how clever he can be to get away with it... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Doesn’t sound like he cares to much.
He must be hot or great at sex if you keep meeting him."
Yes, admittedly both of the above applied..but we had a connection unless he faked that as well.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most people who come to fab do have high sex drives. If your meeting every 6 to 8 weeks or even every 2to3 weeks. Then there's a fair chance your not the only FWB.
Although you have a right to know I think you have to accept its exceptionally common in fwb relationships and best to keep yourself safe, and don't emotionally invest to deeply. |
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You probably did have a connection only thing is he was only connected for that time and was also connecting with others.
You are either happy with the hot sex and accept that’s how he is or get rid. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You probably did have a connection only thing is he was only connected for that time and was also connecting with others.
You are either happy with the hot sex and accept that’s how he is or get rid. "
I have got rid..as his last lie cost me months of grief.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the key word here is fwb. Of course we all appreciate honesty but we can't expect exclusivity as it's not an actual relationship. The way I see it is whatever my playmates do with others is none of my business, we are all here ultimately for the same reason. |
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"You probably did have a connection only thing is he was only connected for that time and was also connecting with others.
You are either happy with the hot sex and accept that’s how he is or get rid.
I have got rid..as his last lie cost me months of grief.."
You’re right am sure there are plenty of other hot guys that will treat you with the respect you deserve |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it’s a FwB relationship between two highly sexed people and it’s not once a week at least it’s a fair assumption others are in play I would imagine. If you have agreed to let each other know if you are seeing others which can be a turn on and they are not then that isnt being the friend bit. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think the key word here is fwb. Of course we all appreciate honesty but we can't expect exclusivity as it's not an actual relationship. The way I see it is whatever my playmates do with others is none of my business, we are all here ultimately for the same reason."
Yes I agree..but the last lie cost me months of grief..and he knew I was getting grief but carried on regardless..but I defended him as I trusted that he was being honest
Surely that's not acceptable?..
There should be some level of respect for each other??..its always been my opinion that swingers have nothing to hide.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think the key word here is fwb. Of course we all appreciate honesty but we can't expect exclusivity as it's not an actual relationship. The way I see it is whatever my playmates do with others is none of my business, we are all here ultimately for the same reason.
Yes I agree..but the last lie cost me months of grief..and he knew I was getting grief but carried on regardless..but I defended him as I trusted that he was being honest
Surely that's not acceptable?..
There should be some level of respect for each other??..its always been my opinion that swingers have nothing to hide.."
I have never expected exclusivity..just honesty.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sounds like there was minimal “friends” part of your relationship and more just a quick hook up. "
Yes..sadly...that's how I see it now..the guy had a lot of charm and I got sucked in.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was in a similar position, my last FWB and I were meeting weekly initially then it was once a month, then the messaging and flirting dwindled. It ended up feeling like a relationship because we would frequently argue. Then, finding out recently he had messaged and met others (when he told me he hadn't) has made me realise I was too invested in him.
You need to do what's best for you and what makes you happy. If you're meeting and it's not fun. It's not worth it. x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was in a similar position, my last FWB and I were meeting weekly initially then it was once a month, then the messaging and flirting dwindled. It ended up feeling like a relationship because we would frequently argue. Then, finding out recently he had messaged and met others (when he told me he hadn't) has made me realise I was too invested in him.
You need to do what's best for you and what makes you happy. If you're meeting and it's not fun. It's not worth it. x"
Thank you..I'm sorry to hear that you have had a similar experience..its a shame that some people can't just be honest and let us all make decisions for ourselves..one of my parting sentences to him was." If I want to be lied to I would have a relationship ".. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it’s a FwB relationship between two highly sexed people and it’s not once a week at least it’s a fair assumption others are in play I would imagine. If you have agreed to let each other know if you are seeing others which can be a turn on and they are not then that isnt being the friend bit. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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FWB's should be totally honest with each other, no need to hide anything. It should be hassle free and fun so when it ceases to be that, walk away. It is a very hard dynamic to get right but when it works it's fantastic. My club buddy has had one for over 2 years and it's perfect for both of them. It can work but honesty is very important. |
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"I think the key word here is fwb. Of course we all appreciate honesty but we can't expect exclusivity as it's not an actual relationship. The way I see it is whatever my playmates do with others is none of my business, we are all here ultimately for the same reason.
Yes I agree..but the last lie cost me months of grief..and he knew I was getting grief but carried on regardless..but I defended him as I trusted that he was being honest
Surely that's not acceptable?..
There should be some level of respect for each other??..its always been my opinion that swingers have nothing to hide.."
op I’m sorry to hear this but it’s quite common there’s no respect you were treated same as he will treat everyone he comes in contact with.. he’s a player who pulled the wool over your eyes… |
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Sadly, not everyone shares our own personal standards. Honesty, integrity, they’re paramount to me, if someone lied to me, particularly in a casual/FWB relationship, where there’s no need to lie. That would be the end for me.
Hope you’re okay OP x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"FWB's should be totally honest with each other, no need to hide anything. It should be hassle free and fun so when it ceases to be that, walk away. It is a very hard dynamic to get right but when it works it's fantastic. My club buddy has had one for over 2 years and it's perfect for both of them. It can work but honesty is very important. "
That's the disappointment, if he had been honest from the start then there would be no issue and we could have just had fun..no exclusivity..just an understanding.. |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"I was in a similar position, my last FWB and I were meeting weekly initially then it was once a month, then the messaging and flirting dwindled. It ended up feeling like a relationship because we would frequently argue. Then, finding out recently he had messaged and met others (when he told me he hadn't) has made me realise I was too invested in him.
You need to do what's best for you and what makes you happy. If you're meeting and it's not fun. It's not worth it. x
Thank you..I'm sorry to hear that you have had a similar experience..its a shame that some people can't just be honest and let us all make decisions for ourselves..one of my parting sentences to him was." If I want to be lied to I would have a relationship ".."
Question- if he’d been truthful and he’d told you that he was seeing potentially several other people, but that have been ok with you? Would the fwb relationship had carried on? Obviously it’s better to know as you can then make an informed decision as to stay or go but sometimes they don’t want to rock the boat, lol...
My Fwb of 2.5 years told me he saw someone else and things have never been the same since. We’ve not met again since and I’m pretty much closing that chapter. It’s not the meeting others itself- but our meets were completely on his terms too, meets were only when he said because he never had time, but it looks like he did have time to see someone else. 
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I think that a fwb you're still friends with them yes? Friendship to me implies honesty and respect and not lying to the other. I also think that something shouldn't always be on another's terms, it's not sexy and it ends up with you being treated as a free escort.
I realised recently I was being treated in that kind of way by a friend and honestly? Speak up. You have as much right to your voice and you shouldn't be doing everything on someone else's terms unless it's an agreed dynamic or you're being paid for it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sadly, not everyone shares our own personal standards. Honesty, integrity, they’re paramount to me, if someone lied to me, particularly in a casual/FWB relationship, where there’s no need to lie. That would be the end for me.
I'm OK..i learned a lesson.. thank you..
Hope you’re okay OP x"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think the key word here is fwb. Of course we all appreciate honesty but we can't expect exclusivity as it's not an actual relationship. The way I see it is whatever my playmates do with others is none of my business, we are all here ultimately for the same reason.
Yes I agree..but the last lie cost me months of grief..and he knew I was getting grief but carried on regardless..but I defended him as I trusted that he was being honest
Surely that's not acceptable?..
There should be some level of respect for each other??..its always been my opinion that swingers have nothing to hide.. op I’m sorry to hear this but it’s quite common there’s no respect you were treated same as he will treat everyone he comes in contact with.. he’s a player who pulled the wool over your eyes… "
He did indeed..it would be interesting to hear if any men have had a similar experience?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey everyone..
So I had an fwb for about 16 months..we had a great relationship although always on his terms, if I ever asked to meet there would always be an excuse why he couldn't.. we started off seeing each other once every 6-8 weeks and then more recently every 3-4 weeks..I always asked for openness and honesty so I could make decisions for myself.
Over the last few months I found out he had been dating, also that he had 2-3 other regular fwb' s that he had found on Tinder and Bumble..and also lied to me on more occasions that I could list..thoughts please, men and ladies I would love to hear your opinions..thank you.."
I wouldn't give him another moment of thought! You are in an age group that's desired - so I hope you are in a happier place, mentally now and can enjoy a better sexual, more honest lifestyle X
All the best  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was in a similar position, my last FWB and I were meeting weekly initially then it was once a month, then the messaging and flirting dwindled. It ended up feeling like a relationship because we would frequently argue. Then, finding out recently he had messaged and met others (when he told me he hadn't) has made me realise I was too invested in him.
You need to do what's best for you and what makes you happy. If you're meeting and it's not fun. It's not worth it. x
Thank you..I'm sorry to hear that you have had a similar experience..its a shame that some people can't just be honest and let us all make decisions for ourselves..one of my parting sentences to him was." If I want to be lied to I would have a relationship "..
Question- if he’d been truthful and he’d told you that he was seeing potentially several other people, but that have been ok with you? Would the fwb relationship had carried on? Obviously it’s better to know as you can then make an informed decision as to stay or go but sometimes they don’t want to rock the boat, lol...
My Fwb of 2.5 years told me he saw someone else and things have never been the same since. We’ve not met again since and I’m pretty much closing that chapter. It’s not the meeting others itself- but our meets were completely on his terms too, meets were only when he said because he never had time, but it looks like he did have time to see someone else.
"
I would have appreciated his honesty and continued until it affected me in a similar way to yourself..the fact that it was always on his terms was an issue..
I wouldn't have continued to see him if I had known at the time about his vanilla relationship..that's just not fair on her and obviously she had no idea he was seeing girls from fab, tinder and bumble..
I should have added also that I tried on a few occasions to cut loose from him but he just kept coming back..and I was too weak to say no..but this time I'm stronger.. I don't think he will try to come back this time anyway.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hey everyone..
So I had an fwb for about 16 months..we had a great relationship although always on his terms, if I ever asked to meet there would always be an excuse why he couldn't.. we started off seeing each other once every 6-8 weeks and then more recently every 3-4 weeks..I always asked for openness and honesty so I could make decisions for myself.
Over the last few months I found out he had been dating, also that he had 2-3 other regular fwb' s that he had found on Tinder and Bumble..and also lied to me on more occasions that I could list..thoughts please, men and ladies I would love to hear your opinions..thank you..
I wouldn't give him another moment of thought! You are in an age group that's desired - so I hope you are in a happier place, mentally now and can enjoy a better sexual, more honest lifestyle X
All the best "
Thank you..xxx |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"
I would have appreciated his honesty and continued until it affected me in a similar way to yourself..the fact that it was always on his terms was an issue..
I wouldn't have continued to see him if I had known at the time about his vanilla relationship..that's just not fair on her and obviously she had no idea he was seeing girls from fab, tinder and bumble..
I should have added also that I tried on a few occasions to cut loose from him but he just kept coming back..and I was too weak to say no..but this time I'm stronger.. I don't think he will try to come back this time anyway.."
Oh, sorry, I missed the vanilla relationship! That is definitely not on. I know what you mean about being strong. I felt falling in too deeply in this but never felt strong enough to end things. Distance and time away hrlps though. Hope you feel better soon. xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think that a fwb you're still friends with them yes? Friendship to me implies honesty and respect and not lying to the other. I also think that something shouldn't always be on another's terms, it's not sexy and it ends up with you being treated as a free escort.
I realised recently I was being treated in that kind of way by a friend and honestly? Speak up. You have as much right to your voice and you shouldn't be doing everything on someone else's terms unless it's an agreed dynamic or you're being paid for it."
I spoke up on a few occasions, he listened, he understood, he ignored..I think because there was such a gap between meeting with him I tended to forgive..its not as though I couldn't get meets on here..I had a few but he knew about them all and enjoyed hearing the details..x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I would have appreciated his honesty and continued until it affected me in a similar way to yourself..the fact that it was always on his terms was an issue..
I wouldn't have continued to see him if I had known at the time about his vanilla relationship..that's just not fair on her and obviously she had no idea he was seeing girls from fab, tinder and bumble..
I should have added also that I tried on a few occasions to cut loose from him but he just kept coming back..and I was too weak to say no..but this time I'm stronger.. I don't think he will try to come back this time anyway..
Oh, sorry, I missed the vanilla relationship! That is definitely not on. I know what you mean about being strong. I felt falling in too deeply in this but never felt strong enough to end things. Distance and time away hrlps though. Hope you feel better soon. xx"
Thank you...xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can’t get my head around guys who aren’t honest. We are all adults here. Once you know what the situation is you have a choice as to if you continue or not.
I met someone recently who suggested we come of fab and be exclusive with in 1 1/2 he was back here arranging a meet lol
Why????? Lol  makes no sense  Get a grip guys. I have a set of rules I use if I think I might ‘get involved’ with someone I will only see them once. Saves wasting time and emotions |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
The fact it was always on his terms would be a big red flag to me. It sounds like he saw you as more of a FB than a FWB.To me there is a big difference between the two.
Fwbs are friends first and foremost and tend to be more open with each other.FB is based more around sex and while you have to like someone up to a point it is just purely sex based.
If he wasn't truthful to you then you are better off without him. There are decent men out there who are not going to mess you about and hide the truth. It's not about being exclusive to someone either it's about hiding the fact they were meeting others. If he was a true fwb and respected you then you would have known he was meeting others. You don't need to be told the details but just the fact that he was doing it . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can’t get my head around guys who aren’t honest. We are all adults here. Once you know what the situation is you have a choice as to if you continue or not.
I met someone recently who suggested we come of fab and be exclusive with in 1 1/2 he was back here arranging a meet lol
Why????? Lol makes no sense Get a grip guys. I have a set of rules I use if I think I might ‘get involved’ with someone I will only see them once. Saves wasting time and emotions "
It's nice to know it's not just me but equally sorry to hear that you have been played..its unbelievable how some people operate..
I am also continuing under the rules of no more fwb..one or two meets..move on..its a shame how one person can ruin a good thing..
Thank you xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The fact it was always on his terms would be a big red flag to me. It sounds like he saw you as more of a FB than a FWB.To me there is a big difference between the two.
Fwbs are friends first and foremost and tend to be more open with each other.FB is based more around sex and while you have to like someone up to a point it is just purely sex based.
If he wasn't truthful to you then you are better off without him. There are decent men out there who are not going to mess you about and hide the truth. It's not about being exclusive to someone either it's about hiding the fact they were meeting others. If he was a true fwb and respected you then you would have known he was meeting others. You don't need to be told the details but just the fact that he was doing it ."
Thank you..I think maybe that was the grey area..fwb or fb?..it was never clear..on reflection maybe our relationship fell in between the 2..but it still comes back to clarity..which there was none. I was always left feeling unsure about what our "relationship"( for want of a better word) actually was..so it's a very good point you have raised..x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had a fwb we said we wouldnt see any one else, had a couples profile. More fool me
Oh no..that obviously didn't end well?.."
No found out he was seeing another girl on fab. She didn’t know about me but she soon did |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I had a fwb we said we wouldnt see any one else, had a couples profile. More fool me
Oh no..that obviously didn't end well?..
No found out he was seeing another girl on fab. She didn’t know about me but she soon did "
See..this is what I can't get my head around..swinging is supposed to be about honesty and mutual respect ...? |
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I had a wonderful FWB for two and a half years. We were very honest about the fact we were seeing others. We didn’t rub each other’s noses in it. I didn’t get off on hearing any detail, but we were clear we were not exclusive, which suited us both perfectly.
FWB or boyfriend, when someone starts to mess you about, have some self respect and walk away. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
Seeing each other every 6-8 weeks leaves a very long gap, more fb acquaintances than fwb's. Whilst trust/openness is asked for, you don't say under what circumstances. Did you want to know every time he met someone or only if he met someone where it may have become more serious/long term?
If it's the second, as you were seeing him for so long, there may have been a simple overlap where he met (as a one off meet), where you didn't need to be told. He could have met them again say 3 months later and then again.
This then becomes an issue and harder to bring up as he may have known you longer but in due course gradually meets them more due to fee time.
I understand your question is about honesty but realistically, you're on a swinging site. I don't mean this to sound hard but if a guy was meeting a woman every 6-8 weeks and expecting them to stay faithful, they'd get laughed at. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Seeing each other every 6-8 weeks leaves a very long gap, more fb acquaintances than fwb's. Whilst trust/openness is asked for, you don't say under what circumstances. Did you want to know every time he met someone or only if he met someone where it may have become more serious/long term?
If it's the second, as you were seeing him for so long, there may have been a simple overlap where he met (as a one off meet), where you didn't need to be told. He could have met them again say 3 months later and then again.
This then becomes an issue and harder to bring up as he may have known you longer but in due course gradually meets them more due to fee time.
I understand your question is about honesty but realistically, you're on a swinging site. I don't mean this to sound hard but if a guy was meeting a woman every 6-8 weeks and expecting them to stay faithful, they'd get laughed at."
Thank you for your response however I feel that you have somehow missed the point..
I was not expecting him to be exclusive/faithful..and I haven't stated that in my post...I am fully aware that I am on fab swingers and what that represents..and I am old enough and wise enough to know the difference between a "relationship " and a "fb/fwb".
My point is..both should be honest with each other as a matter of respect..and health...whether it be a one nighter or a regular thing..and if one of you is causing the other harm from repercussions of your other "arrangements " then there should be enough respect to not continue behind someone's back and lie about it, whilst the other person is a victim of continual harassment which is ultimately being caused by his actions..
And just to reiterate I said we started off seeing each other every 6-8weeks but it became more frequent this year.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I had a wonderful FWB for two and a half years. We were very honest about the fact we were seeing others. We didn’t rub each other’s noses in it. I didn’t get off on hearing any detail, but we were clear we were not exclusive, which suited us both perfectly.
FWB or boyfriend, when someone starts to mess you about, have some self respect and walk away. "
Thank you..that sounds like exactly how it should be.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was in a similar position, my last FWB and I were meeting weekly initially then it was once a month, then the messaging and flirting dwindled. It ended up feeling like a relationship because we would frequently argue. Then, finding out recently he had messaged and met others (when he told me he hadn't) has made me realise I was too invested in him.
You need to do what's best for you and what makes you happy. If you're meeting and it's not fun. It's not worth it. x
Thank you..I'm sorry to hear that you have had a similar experience..its a shame that some people can't just be honest and let us all make decisions for ourselves..one of my parting sentences to him was." If I want to be lied to I would have a relationship "..
Question- if he’d been truthful and he’d told you that he was seeing potentially several other people, but that have been ok with you? Would the fwb relationship had carried on? Obviously it’s better to know as you can then make an informed decision as to stay or go but sometimes they don’t want to rock the boat, lol...
My Fwb of 2.5 years told me he saw someone else and things have never been the same since. We’ve not met again since and I’m pretty much closing that chapter. It’s not the meeting others itself- but our meets were completely on his terms too, meets were only when he said because he never had time, but it looks like he did have time to see someone else.
"
I think this is the hardest part when someone makes you feel like they don’t have time for you when it becomes obvious they are choosing to spend their time with someone else instead.
I’ve had this recently too. Trying to arrange a meet, they couldn’t give me a fixed date then I found out they were meeting other people. It wasn’t the fact they were meeting other people, I have no issue with that, it was like they were playing games with me or I was low on their list of priorities |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was in a similar position, my last FWB and I were meeting weekly initially then it was once a month, then the messaging and flirting dwindled. It ended up feeling like a relationship because we would frequently argue. Then, finding out recently he had messaged and met others (when he told me he hadn't) has made me realise I was too invested in him.
You need to do what's best for you and what makes you happy. If you're meeting and it's not fun. It's not worth it. x
Thank you..I'm sorry to hear that you have had a similar experience..its a shame that some people can't just be honest and let us all make decisions for ourselves..one of my parting sentences to him was." If I want to be lied to I would have a relationship "..
Question- if he’d been truthful and he’d told you that he was seeing potentially several other people, but that have been ok with you? Would the fwb relationship had carried on? Obviously it’s better to know as you can then make an informed decision as to stay or go but sometimes they don’t want to rock the boat, lol...
My Fwb of 2.5 years told me he saw someone else and things have never been the same since. We’ve not met again since and I’m pretty much closing that chapter. It’s not the meeting others itself- but our meets were completely on his terms too, meets were only when he said because he never had time, but it looks like he did have time to see someone else.
I think this is the hardest part when someone makes you feel like they don’t have time for you when it becomes obvious they are choosing to spend their time with someone else instead.
I’ve had this recently too. Trying to arrange a meet, they couldn’t give me a fixed date then I found out they were meeting other people. It wasn’t the fact they were meeting other people, I have no issue with that, it was like they were playing games with me or I was low on their list of priorities "
Yes..it hurts..regardless that we are on fabswingers we are all still human, man or woman..very, very few of us can honestly say it doesn't affect us..
It's the game that is played with us that makes it deceitful.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was in a similar position, my last FWB and I were meeting weekly initially then it was once a month, then the messaging and flirting dwindled. It ended up feeling like a relationship because we would frequently argue. Then, finding out recently he had messaged and met others (when he told me he hadn't) has made me realise I was too invested in him.
You need to do what's best for you and what makes you happy. If you're meeting and it's not fun. It's not worth it. x
Thank you..I'm sorry to hear that you have had a similar experience..its a shame that some people can't just be honest and let us all make decisions for ourselves..one of my parting sentences to him was." If I want to be lied to I would have a relationship "..
Question- if he’d been truthful and he’d told you that he was seeing potentially several other people, but that have been ok with you? Would the fwb relationship had carried on? Obviously it’s better to know as you can then make an informed decision as to stay or go but sometimes they don’t want to rock the boat, lol...
My Fwb of 2.5 years told me he saw someone else and things have never been the same since. We’ve not met again since and I’m pretty much closing that chapter. It’s not the meeting others itself- but our meets were completely on his terms too, meets were only when he said because he never had time, but it looks like he did have time to see someone else.
I think this is the hardest part when someone makes you feel like they don’t have time for you when it becomes obvious they are choosing to spend their time with someone else instead.
I’ve had this recently too. Trying to arrange a meet, they couldn’t give me a fixed date then I found out they were meeting other people. It wasn’t the fact they were meeting other people, I have no issue with that, it was like they were playing games with me or I was low on their list of priorities
Yes..it hurts..regardless that we are on fabswingers we are all still human, man or woman..very, very few of us can honestly say it doesn't affect us..
It's the game that is played with us that makes it deceitful.."
We have to remember our own values and our own worth. When I try to explain to people that I have boundaries one of them is that I will not be fucked around, no games, no drama. If something doesn’t feel right I’m walking away.
You are worth much more than this OP |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I was in a similar position, my last FWB and I were meeting weekly initially then it was once a month, then the messaging and flirting dwindled. It ended up feeling like a relationship because we would frequently argue. Then, finding out recently he had messaged and met others (when he told me he hadn't) has made me realise I was too invested in him.
You need to do what's best for you and what makes you happy. If you're meeting and it's not fun. It's not worth it. x
Thank you..I'm sorry to hear that you have had a similar experience..its a shame that some people can't just be honest and let us all make decisions for ourselves..one of my parting sentences to him was." If I want to be lied to I would have a relationship "..
Question- if he’d been truthful and he’d told you that he was seeing potentially several other people, but that have been ok with you? Would the fwb relationship had carried on? Obviously it’s better to know as you can then make an informed decision as to stay or go but sometimes they don’t want to rock the boat, lol...
My Fwb of 2.5 years told me he saw someone else and things have never been the same since. We’ve not met again since and I’m pretty much closing that chapter. It’s not the meeting others itself- but our meets were completely on his terms too, meets were only when he said because he never had time, but it looks like he did have time to see someone else.
I think this is the hardest part when someone makes you feel like they don’t have time for you when it becomes obvious they are choosing to spend their time with someone else instead.
I’ve had this recently too. Trying to arrange a meet, they couldn’t give me a fixed date then I found out they were meeting other people. It wasn’t the fact they were meeting other people, I have no issue with that, it was like they were playing games with me or I was low on their list of priorities
Yes..it hurts..regardless that we are on fabswingers we are all still human, man or woman..very, very few of us can honestly say it doesn't affect us..
It's the game that is played with us that makes it deceitful..
We have to remember our own values and our own worth. When I try to explain to people that I have boundaries one of them is that I will not be fucked around, no games, no drama. If something doesn’t feel right I’m walking away.
You are worth much more than this OP"
Thank you..I have learned a lesson, its a shame part of that lesson is "trust no one"..especially as I always try to see good in people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was in a similar position, my last FWB and I were meeting weekly initially then it was once a month, then the messaging and flirting dwindled. It ended up feeling like a relationship because we would frequently argue. Then, finding out recently he had messaged and met others (when he told me he hadn't) has made me realise I was too invested in him.
You need to do what's best for you and what makes you happy. If you're meeting and it's not fun. It's not worth it. x
Thank you..I'm sorry to hear that you have had a similar experience..its a shame that some people can't just be honest and let us all make decisions for ourselves..one of my parting sentences to him was." If I want to be lied to I would have a relationship "..
Question- if he’d been truthful and he’d told you that he was seeing potentially several other people, but that have been ok with you? Would the fwb relationship had carried on? Obviously it’s better to know as you can then make an informed decision as to stay or go but sometimes they don’t want to rock the boat, lol...
My Fwb of 2.5 years told me he saw someone else and things have never been the same since. We’ve not met again since and I’m pretty much closing that chapter. It’s not the meeting others itself- but our meets were completely on his terms too, meets were only when he said because he never had time, but it looks like he did have time to see someone else.
I think this is the hardest part when someone makes you feel like they don’t have time for you when it becomes obvious they are choosing to spend their time with someone else instead.
I’ve had this recently too. Trying to arrange a meet, they couldn’t give me a fixed date then I found out they were meeting other people. It wasn’t the fact they were meeting other people, I have no issue with that, it was like they were playing games with me or I was low on their list of priorities
Yes..it hurts..regardless that we are on fabswingers we are all still human, man or woman..very, very few of us can honestly say it doesn't affect us..
It's the game that is played with us that makes it deceitful..
We have to remember our own values and our own worth. When I try to explain to people that I have boundaries one of them is that I will not be fucked around, no games, no drama. If something doesn’t feel right I’m walking away.
You are worth much more than this OP
Thank you..I have learned a lesson, its a shame part of that lesson is "trust no one"..especially as I always try to see good in people."
I always give more trust than I should but I also know that means I run the risk of being hurt. But I’m not going to change who I am for anyone including this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
From reading the post OP , i think you we all know you found a dirty dog, even in the FWB thing, freind is a big word for me and involes a lvl of trust witch i think he has no respect for at all. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"Seeing each other every 6-8 weeks leaves a very long gap, more fb acquaintances than fwb's. Whilst trust/openness is asked for, you don't say under what circumstances. Did you want to know every time he met someone or only if he met someone where it may have become more serious/long term?
If it's the second, as you were seeing him for so long, there may have been a simple overlap where he met (as a one off meet), where you didn't need to be told. He could have met them again say 3 months later and then again.
This then becomes an issue and harder to bring up as he may have known you longer but in due course gradually meets them more due to fee time.
I understand your question is about honesty but realistically, you're on a swinging site. I don't mean this to sound hard but if a guy was meeting a woman every 6-8 weeks and expecting them to stay faithful, they'd get laughed at.
Thank you for your response however I feel that you have somehow missed the point..
I was not expecting him to be exclusive/faithful..and I haven't stated that in my post...I am fully aware that I am on fab swingers and what that represents..and I am old enough and wise enough to know the difference between a "relationship " and a "fb/fwb".
My point is..both should be honest with each other as a matter of respect..and health...whether it be a one nighter or a regular thing..and if one of you is causing the other harm from repercussions of your other "arrangements " then there should be enough respect to not continue behind someone's back and lie about it, whilst the other person is a victim of continual harassment which is ultimately being caused by his actions..
And just to reiterate I said we started off seeing each other every 6-8weeks but it became more frequent this year.."
So was he to tell you every time he met someone or only if it became serious with someone else? There's possible explanation if the latter, it it's the former, then you wanting to know if he's meeting when you aren't really meeting him is a bit expectant, in my view.
I didn't want to put it in before but every 6-8, near every two months is not really a fwb or fb, it's more a booty call. There's nothing regular, no real day planned and it's likely changeable.
If you know you're on a swinger site and not in a relationship, you know the dangers as regards health with you are taking, it doesn't take anything away from the experience had, the only thing that is affected is your expectations..?
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Seeing each other every 6-8 weeks leaves a very long gap, more fb acquaintances than fwb's. Whilst trust/openness is asked for, you don't say under what circumstances. Did you want to know every time he met someone or only if he met someone where it may have become more serious/long term?
If it's the second, as you were seeing him for so long, there may have been a simple overlap where he met (as a one off meet), where you didn't need to be told. He could have met them again say 3 months later and then again.
This then becomes an issue and harder to bring up as he may have known you longer but in due course gradually meets them more due to fee time.
I understand your question is about honesty but realistically, you're on a swinging site. I don't mean this to sound hard but if a guy was meeting a woman every 6-8 weeks and expecting them to stay faithful, they'd get laughed at.
Thank you for your response however I feel that you have somehow missed the point..
I was not expecting him to be exclusive/faithful..and I haven't stated that in my post...I am fully aware that I am on fab swingers and what that represents..and I am old enough and wise enough to know the difference between a "relationship " and a "fb/fwb".
My point is..both should be honest with each other as a matter of respect..and health...whether it be a one nighter or a regular thing..and if one of you is causing the other harm from repercussions of your other "arrangements " then there should be enough respect to not continue behind someone's back and lie about it, whilst the other person is a victim of continual harassment which is ultimately being caused by his actions..
And just to reiterate I said we started off seeing each other every 6-8weeks but it became more frequent this year..
So was he to tell you every time he met someone or only if it became serious with someone else? There's possible explanation if the latter, it it's the former, then you wanting to know if he's meeting when you aren't really meeting him is a bit expectant, in my view.
I didn't want to put it in before but every 6-8, near every two months is not really a fwb or fb, it's more a booty call. There's nothing regular, no real day planned and it's likely changeable.
If you know you're on a swinger site and not in a relationship, you know the dangers as regards health with you are taking, it doesn't take anything away from the experience had, the only thing that is affected is your expectations..?
"
To reiterate once again..it started as every couple of months and became more regular..
Thank you for your opinions..much appreciated. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Seeing each other every 6-8 weeks leaves a very long gap, more fb acquaintances than fwb's. Whilst trust/openness is asked for, you don't say under what circumstances. Did you want to know every time he met someone or only if he met someone where it may have become more serious/long term?
If it's the second, as you were seeing him for so long, there may have been a simple overlap where he met (as a one off meet), where you didn't need to be told. He could have met them again say 3 months later and then again.
This then becomes an issue and harder to bring up as he may have known you longer but in due course gradually meets them more due to fee time.
I understand your question is about honesty but realistically, you're on a swinging site. I don't mean this to sound hard but if a guy was meeting a woman every 6-8 weeks and expecting them to stay faithful, they'd get laughed at.
Thank you for your response however I feel that you have somehow missed the point..
I was not expecting him to be exclusive/faithful..and I haven't stated that in my post...I am fully aware that I am on fab swingers and what that represents..and I am old enough and wise enough to know the difference between a "relationship " and a "fb/fwb".
My point is..both should be honest with each other as a matter of respect..and health...whether it be a one nighter or a regular thing..and if one of you is causing the other harm from repercussions of your other "arrangements " then there should be enough respect to not continue behind someone's back and lie about it, whilst the other person is a victim of continual harassment which is ultimately being caused by his actions..
And just to reiterate I said we started off seeing each other every 6-8weeks but it became more frequent this year..
So was he to tell you every time he met someone or only if it became serious with someone else? There's possible explanation if the latter, it it's the former, then you wanting to know if he's meeting when you aren't really meeting him is a bit expectant, in my view.
I didn't want to put it in before but every 6-8, near every two months is not really a fwb or fb, it's more a booty call. There's nothing regular, no real day planned and it's likely changeable.
If you know you're on a swinger site and not in a relationship, you know the dangers as regards health with you are taking, it doesn't take anything away from the experience had, the only thing that is affected is your expectations..?
"
This is about someone making someone else feel unimportant and not valued |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I only consider long term arrangements with those that are honest. I don't ask for exclusivity or anything, I don't really want to know about their lives, unless there's something that impacts our arrangement and time spent together then I think it's only fair they share that with me. All I do ask for is mutual respect and honesty. If they can't give me that then I don't have time for them. |
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"Sounds like there was minimal “friends” part of your relationship and more just a quick hook up. "
This. Real friends dont do this to each other. Sure...you can be casual sex friends, without much of what goes into a real friendship, but the fact that you are intimate with each other and probably tell each other "real life" stuff too, should carry a bit more trust and honesty.  |
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"I only consider long term arrangements with those that are honest. I don't ask for exclusivity or anything, I don't really want to know about their lives, unless there's something that impacts our arrangement and time spent together then I think it's only fair they share that with me. All I do ask for is mutual respect and honesty. If they can't give me that then I don't have time for them. "
this is so correct |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
Sounds as if you wanted more from him than being a fwb. The fact that you’re upset suggests that you had feelings for him that weren’t reciprocated.
It would be easy to say yes, he should’ve treated you better but at the same time did he realise you wanted more from him? There’s nothing to stop you from having more than one fwb or from meeting other people. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"Seeing each other every 6-8 weeks leaves a very long gap, more fb acquaintances than fwb's. Whilst trust/openness is asked for, you don't say under what circumstances. Did you want to know every time he met someone or only if he met someone where it may have become more serious/long term?
If it's the second, as you were seeing him for so long, there may have been a simple overlap where he met (as a one off meet), where you didn't need to be told. He could have met them again say 3 months later and then again.
This then becomes an issue and harder to bring up as he may have known you longer but in due course gradually meets them more due to fee time.
I understand your question is about honesty but realistically, you're on a swinging site. I don't mean this to sound hard but if a guy was meeting a woman every 6-8 weeks and expecting them to stay faithful, they'd get laughed at.
Thank you for your response however I feel that you have somehow missed the point..
I was not expecting him to be exclusive/faithful..and I haven't stated that in my post...I am fully aware that I am on fab swingers and what that represents..and I am old enough and wise enough to know the difference between a "relationship " and a "fb/fwb".
My point is..both should be honest with each other as a matter of respect..and health...whether it be a one nighter or a regular thing..and if one of you is causing the other harm from repercussions of your other "arrangements " then there should be enough respect to not continue behind someone's back and lie about it, whilst the other person is a victim of continual harassment which is ultimately being caused by his actions..
And just to reiterate I said we started off seeing each other every 6-8weeks but it became more frequent this year..
So was he to tell you every time he met someone or only if it became serious with someone else? There's possible explanation if the latter, it it's the former, then you wanting to know if he's meeting when you aren't really meeting him is a bit expectant, in my view.
I didn't want to put it in before but every 6-8, near every two months is not really a fwb or fb, it's more a booty call. There's nothing regular, no real day planned and it's likely changeable.
If you know you're on a swinger site and not in a relationship, you know the dangers as regards health with you are taking, it doesn't take anything away from the experience had, the only thing that is affected is your expectations..?
This is about someone making someone else feel unimportant and not valued "
If you read what she wrote in her last I think this is about having repercussions from the buddies her fb met.
? |
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How does a grown woman end up in a mess like this ..
You think at your age and with your life experience that you’d see through chancers ..
Fwb is just people saying to eachother, I think you’re ok, I like the sex we had , but your not my kind to be in a relationship with .. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Seeing each other every 6-8 weeks leaves a very long gap, more fb acquaintances than fwb's. Whilst trust/openness is asked for, you don't say under what circumstances. Did you want to know every time he met someone or only if he met someone where it may have become more serious/long term?
If it's the second, as you were seeing him for so long, there may have been a simple overlap where he met (as a one off meet), where you didn't need to be told. He could have met them again say 3 months later and then again.
This then becomes an issue and harder to bring up as he may have known you longer but in due course gradually meets them more due to fee time.
I understand your question is about honesty but realistically, you're on a swinging site. I don't mean this to sound hard but if a guy was meeting a woman every 6-8 weeks and expecting them to stay faithful, they'd get laughed at.
Thank you for your response however I feel that you have somehow missed the point..
I was not expecting him to be exclusive/faithful..and I haven't stated that in my post...I am fully aware that I am on fab swingers and what that represents..and I am old enough and wise enough to know the difference between a "relationship " and a "fb/fwb".
My point is..both should be honest with each other as a matter of respect..and health...whether it be a one nighter or a regular thing..and if one of you is causing the other harm from repercussions of your other "arrangements " then there should be enough respect to not continue behind someone's back and lie about it, whilst the other person is a victim of continual harassment which is ultimately being caused by his actions..
And just to reiterate I said we started off seeing each other every 6-8weeks but it became more frequent this year..
So was he to tell you every time he met someone or only if it became serious with someone else? There's possible explanation if the latter, it it's the former, then you wanting to know if he's meeting when you aren't really meeting him is a bit expectant, in my view.
I didn't want to put it in before but every 6-8, near every two months is not really a fwb or fb, it's more a booty call. There's nothing regular, no real day planned and it's likely changeable.
If you know you're on a swinger site and not in a relationship, you know the dangers as regards health with you are taking, it doesn't take anything away from the experience had, the only thing that is affected is your expectations..?
This is about someone making someone else feel unimportant and not valued
If you read what she wrote in her last I think this is about having repercussions from the buddies her fb met.
?"
No it’s to do with dishonesty not the fact that he has met other people |
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Am always surprised at the lack of openness in some swinging relationships. That's the whole point for most people. You enjoy meeting different people, don't hide it. Obviously only if that's what you both want.
Such a gorgeous lady, he really blew it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How does a grown woman end up in a mess like this ..
You think at your age and with your life experience that you’d see through chancers ..
Fwb is just people saying to eachother, I think you’re ok, I like the sex we had , but your not my kind to be in a relationship with .."
Yep. You have to be very careful who you choose in this lifestyle as many think NSA equals no need to respect the other person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How does a grown woman end up in a mess like this ..
You think at your age and with your life experience that you’d see through chancers ..
Fwb is just people saying to eachother, I think you’re ok, I like the sex we had , but your not my kind to be in a relationship with ..
Yep. You have to be very careful who you choose in this lifestyle as many think NSA equals no need to respect the other person. "
Clearly respect is lacking in a lot of people |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"Seeing each other every 6-8 weeks leaves a very long gap, more fb acquaintances than fwb's. Whilst trust/openness is asked for, you don't say under what circumstances. Did you want to know every time he met someone or only if he met someone where it may have become more serious/long term?
If it's the second, as you were seeing him for so long, there may have been a simple overlap where he met (as a one off meet), where you didn't need to be told. He could have met them again say 3 months later and then again.
This then becomes an issue and harder to bring up as he may have known you longer but in due course gradually meets them more due to fee time.
I understand your question is about honesty but realistically, you're on a swinging site. I don't mean this to sound hard but if a guy was meeting a woman every 6-8 weeks and expecting them to stay faithful, they'd get laughed at.
Thank you for your response however I feel that you have somehow missed the point..
I was not expecting him to be exclusive/faithful..and I haven't stated that in my post...I am fully aware that I am on fab swingers and what that represents..and I am old enough and wise enough to know the difference between a "relationship " and a "fb/fwb".
My point is..both should be honest with each other as a matter of respect..and health...whether it be a one nighter or a regular thing..and if one of you is causing the other harm from repercussions of your other "arrangements " then there should be enough respect to not continue behind someone's back and lie about it, whilst the other person is a victim of continual harassment which is ultimately being caused by his actions..
And just to reiterate I said we started off seeing each other every 6-8weeks but it became more frequent this year..
So was he to tell you every time he met someone or only if it became serious with someone else? There's possible explanation if the latter, it it's the former, then you wanting to know if he's meeting when you aren't really meeting him is a bit expectant, in my view.
I didn't want to put it in before but every 6-8, near every two months is not really a fwb or fb, it's more a booty call. There's nothing regular, no real day planned and it's likely changeable.
If you know you're on a swinger site and not in a relationship, you know the dangers as regards health with you are taking, it doesn't take anything away from the experience had, the only thing that is affected is your expectations..?
This is about someone making someone else feel unimportant and not valued
If you read what she wrote in her last I think this is about having repercussions from the buddies her fb met.
?
No it’s to do with dishonesty not the fact that he has met other people "
This is what she wrote above
"
My point is..both should be honest with each other as a matter of respect..and health...whether it be a one nighter or a regular thing..and if one of you is causing the other harm from repercussions of your other "arrangements " then there should be enough respect to not continue behind someone's back and lie about it, whilst the other person is a victim of continual harassment which is ultimately being caused by his actions.." |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"How does a grown woman end up in a mess like this ..
You think at your age and with your life experience that you’d see through chancers ..
Fwb is just people saying to eachother, I think you’re ok, I like the sex we had , but your not my kind to be in a relationship with ..
Yep. You have to be very careful who you choose in this lifestyle as many think NSA equals no need to respect the other person. "
This is very true sadly - not sure why that's the case. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Apologies as i haven't read all through, but isn't a fwb, just that.. Why would they need to declare if they are seeing others (unless you had an agreement to be BB, then i can see that needs awareness) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Sounds as if you wanted more from him than being a fwb. The fact that you’re upset suggests that you had feelings for him that weren’t reciprocated.
It would be easy to say yes, he should’ve treated you better but at the same time did he realise you wanted more from him? There’s nothing to stop you from having more than one fwb or from meeting other people. "
Just honesty so I could make a judgement call based on fact not lie.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How does a grown woman end up in a mess like this ..
You think at your age and with your life experience that you’d see through chancers ..
Fwb is just people saying to eachother, I think you’re ok, I like the sex we had , but your not my kind to be in a relationship with .."
Because I trusted him to be honest..like I said before..the lesson I have now learned is "trust no one"
I also think that there is a lot of "interpretation " as to what a fwb is..I ran that exact question as a status on my profile a while back and was surprised at how many different responses I got..
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Am always surprised at the lack of openness in some swinging relationships. That's the whole point for most people. You enjoy meeting different people, don't hide it. Obviously only if that's what you both want.
Such a gorgeous lady, he really blew it "
Thank you..its nice that there are still people on here that appreciate swinging as fun, honesty, respect..that's how it should be.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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FWB or any other relationship needs open honest 2 way communication with both people having their needs met. When that stops it's time to walk away. Sounds like you are best rid OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You're well rid Girl... Defo... I detest secrecy
& Yes we do deserve a certain amount of honesty...
I was seeing a guy from here...He told me many many times that he was exclusive to me...not that I asked him to be exclusive to me...But anyway...I accidently found out he was seeing many from here & other sites...He requested alot of meets from here not to verify him ...
He also regularly participated in gang-bangs...So I've been told from a very reliable source & I've also been told he often went bare-back with 1-on-1
Another secret he kept from me also is...the fker is married...OMG. He's a deceitful dangerous low life...putting me & his wife in danger of STIs...Thankfully when I got tested for all known STIs all were negative...
Imagine he still asks to see me...like jeez... & He still denies how extremely secretly promiscuous he is 
I'm well rid too OP thankfully. |
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Best moving on. If I'm honest I've always had multiple fwbs but not really at the same time. More spent a few weeks with one then I get the itch to seek out new play partners. It's the new and exciting bit of first time sex that really gets me going. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey everyone..
So I had an fwb for about 16 months..we had a great relationship although always on his terms, if I ever asked to meet there would always be an excuse why he couldn't.. we started off seeing each other once every 6-8 weeks and then more recently every 3-4 weeks..I always asked for openness and honesty so I could make decisions for myself.
Over the last few months I found out he had been dating, also that he had 2-3 other regular fwb' s that he had found on Tinder and Bumble..and also lied to me on more occasions that I could list..thoughts please, men and ladies I would love to hear your opinions..thank you.."
Im in Ashford so dump him and chat with me lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How does a grown woman end up in a mess like this ..
You think at your age and with your life experience that you’d see through chancers ..
Fwb is just people saying to eachother, I think you’re ok, I like the sex we had , but your not my kind to be in a relationship with ..
Because I trusted him to be honest..like I said before..the lesson I have now learned is "trust no one"
I also think that there is a lot of "interpretation " as to what a fwb is..I ran that exact question as a status on my profile a while back and was surprised at how many different responses I got..
"
Or you could take from it that you won't accept the same kind of behaviour (always on his terms) in the future |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You're well rid Girl... Defo... I detest secrecy
& Yes we do deserve a certain amount of honesty...
I was seeing a guy from here...He told me many many times that he was exclusive to me...not that I asked him to be exclusive to me...But anyway...I accidently found out he was seeing many from here & other sites...He requested alot of meets from here not to verify him ...
He also regularly participated in gang-bangs...So I've been told from a very reliable source & I've also been told he often went bare-back with 1-on-1
Another secret he kept from me also is...the fker is married...OMG. He's a deceitful dangerous low life...putting me & his wife in danger of STIs...Thankfully when I got tested for all known STIs all were negative...
Imagine he still asks to see me...like jeez... & He still denies how extremely secretly promiscuous he is
I'm well rid too OP thankfully."
Omg..I feel for you..what a lowlife he is..I hope you are well over it now and you are having a better swinging experience.
it should be fun for us all, not just the self entitled few..Best wishes xx |
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"Fact it was always on his terms would have made me back off. You're well rid, fwb's should be open and honest, no reason to hide anything.
Thanks..I think his kink is deception and how clever he can be to get away with it..."
His loss OP  |
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I’ve read through this thread with interest and although I’ve not had a FWB (although that would be lovely) I thought I’d give my view.
FWB is a Friend with benefits… emphasis on the Friend part. If you can’t be honest and truthful with a friend then they’re not actually your friend are they, just someone you know.
I also think that if you’re regularly having sex with someone (regardless of exclusivity) then you at least have a responsibility to keep them informed of the basics of your sex life purely so they can make an informed decision on whether to continue the arrangement. No need for lurid details obviously |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"How does a grown woman end up in a mess like this ..
You think at your age and with your life experience that you’d see through chancers ..
Fwb is just people saying to eachother, I think you’re ok, I like the sex we had , but your not my kind to be in a relationship with ..
Because I trusted him to be honest..like I said before..the lesson I have now learned is "trust no one"
I also think that there is a lot of "interpretation " as to what a fwb is..I ran that exact question as a status on my profile a while back and was surprised at how many different responses I got..
Or you could take from it that you won't accept the same kind of behaviour (always on his terms) in the future "
There needs to be a little perspective here.
They met every 2 months over 16 months making a whole 8ish 'meets'. Increasing to every month later on last year, so over lockdown, so 10ish possible meets/shags????
She says earlier she was met others and told him about them. She understands it's a swingers site and they weren't exclusive but thought they could have an understanding, but she doesn't say whether he agreed to tell her about his meets or only if it were to become serious.
Realistically there are very few meets here. Two people have met over 16 months and one has had greater expectation than the other. There is more to this than an fb burn.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How does a grown woman end up in a mess like this ..
You think at your age and with your life experience that you’d see through chancers ..
Fwb is just people saying to eachother, I think you’re ok, I like the sex we had , but your not my kind to be in a relationship with ..
Because I trusted him to be honest..like I said before..the lesson I have now learned is "trust no one"
I also think that there is a lot of "interpretation " as to what a fwb is..I ran that exact question as a status on my profile a while back and was surprised at how many different responses I got..
Or you could take from it that you won't accept the same kind of behaviour (always on his terms) in the future
There needs to be a little perspective here.
They met every 2 months over 16 months making a whole 8ish 'meets'. Increasing to every month later on last year, so over lockdown, so 10ish possible meets/shags????
She says earlier she was met others and told him about them. She understands it's a swingers site and they weren't exclusive but thought they could have an understanding, but she doesn't say whether he agreed to tell her about his meets or only if it were to become serious.
Realistically there are very few meets here. Two people have met over 16 months and one has had greater expectation than the other. There is more to this than an fb burn.
"
Haha..thanks for opinion, much appreciated.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You're well rid Girl... Defo... I detest secrecy
& Yes we do deserve a certain amount of honesty...
I was seeing a guy from here...He told me many many times that he was exclusive to me...not that I asked him to be exclusive to me...But anyway...I accidently found out he was seeing many from here & other sites...He requested alot of meets from here not to verify him ...
He also regularly participated in gang-bangs...So I've been told from a very reliable source & I've also been told he often went bare-back with 1-on-1
Another secret he kept from me also is...the fker is married...OMG. He's a deceitful dangerous low life...putting me & his wife in danger of STIs...Thankfully when I got tested for all known STIs all were negative...
Imagine he still asks to see me...like jeez... & He still denies how extremely secretly promiscuous he is
I'm well rid too OP thankfully.
Omg..I feel for you..what a lowlife he is..I hope you are well over it now and you are having a better swinging experience.
it should be fun for us all, not just the self entitled few..Best wishes xx"
Thank You xxx
Best Wishes to you too...
We deserve better, we just learn as we go along I guess eh... |
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Sadly it sounds like he was telling you what you wanted to hear to keep you on the tether
And by the sounds of it, you won’t be missed if he’s doing so well on the fwb side of things
You just gotta decide how you want to play it. All’s fair in love and war as they say, now you know the truth, decide what you want to do and stick to it |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"How does a grown woman end up in a mess like this ..
You think at your age and with your life experience that you’d see through chancers ..
Fwb is just people saying to eachother, I think you’re ok, I like the sex we had , but your not my kind to be in a relationship with ..
Because I trusted him to be honest..like I said before..the lesson I have now learned is "trust no one"
I also think that there is a lot of "interpretation " as to what a fwb is..I ran that exact question as a status on my profile a while back and was surprised at how many different responses I got..
Or you could take from it that you won't accept the same kind of behaviour (always on his terms) in the future
There needs to be a little perspective here.
They met every 2 months over 16 months making a whole 8ish 'meets'. Increasing to every month later on last year, so over lockdown, so 10ish possible meets/shags????
She says earlier she was met others and told him about them. She understands it's a swingers site and they weren't exclusive but thought they could have an understanding, but she doesn't say whether he agreed to tell her about his meets or only if it were to become serious.
Realistically there are very few meets here. Two people have met over 16 months and one has had greater expectation than the other. There is more to this than an fb burn.
Haha..thanks for opinion, much appreciated.."
lol, plenty falling over themselves |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How does a grown woman end up in a mess like this ..
You think at your age and with your life experience that you’d see through chancers ..
Fwb is just people saying to eachother, I think you’re ok, I like the sex we had , but your not my kind to be in a relationship with .."
^^^^^^^
The OP isn't in a "mess" omg... Why be so assuming & what has age got to do with getting caught up with a "chancer"???
Some of us do believe what people tell us to a certain extent...it doesn't mean we're gullible or naive...
Unfortunately there are some sly, conniving, deceitful dark peeps about. Or as you have said "chancers" Fab has many "chancer" ha... True. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How does a grown woman end up in a mess like this ..
You think at your age and with your life experience that you’d see through chancers ..
Fwb is just people saying to eachother, I think you’re ok, I like the sex we had , but your not my kind to be in a relationship with ..
^^^^^^^
The OP isn't in a "mess" omg... Why be so assuming & what has age got to do with getting caught up with a "chancer"???
Some of us do believe what people tell us to a certain extent...it doesn't mean we're gullible or naive...
Unfortunately there are some sly, conniving, deceitful dark peeps about. Or as you have said "chancers" Fab has many "chancer" ha... True. "
*Chancers |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How does a grown woman end up in a mess like this ..
You think at your age and with your life experience that you’d see through chancers ..
Fwb is just people saying to eachother, I think you’re ok, I like the sex we had , but your not my kind to be in a relationship with ..
^^^^^^^
The OP isn't in a "mess" omg... Why be so assuming & what has age got to do with getting caught up with a "chancer"???
Some of us do believe what people tell us to a certain extent...it doesn't mean we're gullible or naive...
Unfortunately there are some sly, conniving, deceitful dark peeps about. Or as you have said "chancers" Fab has many "chancer" ha... True.
*Chancers"
Thank you Lia Maria..you are absolutely right, im not in a "mess" and to say "at my age" is a little like saying "because you're a woman you should know how to bake a cake"..which I don't btw, I can, however, fix your car if it breaks down..lol..
|
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"How does a grown woman end up in a mess like this ..
You think at your age and with your life experience that you’d see through chancers ..
Fwb is just people saying to eachother, I think you’re ok, I like the sex we had , but your not my kind to be in a relationship with ..
^^^^^^^
The OP isn't in a "mess" omg... Why be so assuming & what has age got to do with getting caught up with a "chancer"???
Some of us do believe what people tell us to a certain extent...it doesn't mean we're gullible or naive...
Unfortunately there are some sly, conniving, deceitful dark peeps about. Or as you have said "chancers" Fab has many "chancer" ha... True.
*Chancers
Thank you Lia Maria..you are absolutely right, im not in a "mess" and to say "at my age" is a little like saying "because you're a woman you should know how to bake a cake"..which I don't btw, I can, however, fix your car if it breaks down..lol..
"
Well not quite since one is a sexist stereotype and the other is literally just “as you get older you gain life experience and shouldn’t fall for stuff like this so easy”
But yeah I don’t agree with him either. Especially if you asked for honesty and he agreed then lied. Not much you can do there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am too in a FWB for three and a half years and the key word is friends. As long as you accept that is what it is you are then it works. It works for us and if we said if we ever wanted to go with anyone else we just let each other know. FWB is not a proper relationship so you cant tell each other they cant see someone else |
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I prefer my fwbs to be honest. If they wanted to meet others that's fine, that's why we're here, but I would appreciate it if I was told, instead of it being posted as a new verification! You still need the trust element with a fwb!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I prefer my fwbs to be honest. If they wanted to meet others that's fine, that's why we're here, but I would appreciate it if I was told, instead of it being posted as a new verification! You still need the trust element with a fwb! "
Omg a new vari is the worst  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You would think there would be more openness and honestly here. From talking to lots of Fabbers over the years, it turns out that this place is worse than the “real world”. "
I don't know why it surprises you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"FWB SITUATION SHOULD SUIT BOTH NEVER BE ONE SIDED YOU CAN'T GET TOO UPSET IF HE OR SHE FUCKS SOMEONE ELSE AS IT AIN'T A RELATIONSHIP "
Yes I agree...One can't be getting "too upset" when a FWBs sees other peeps...But tbh & it may be irrational on my part but I do like to know the types of peeps they're having sex with especially if I'm having penetrative sex with him...for the simple reason I value my sexual health & there are some undesirablles out there who don't value their health... Being very very selective & elusive is a quality I seek. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Doesn’t sound like he cares to much.
He must be hot or great at sex if you keep meeting him.
Yes, admittedly both of the above applied..but we had a connection unless he faked that as well.."
Guys who get a thrill out of deception are such practiced liars that they can make you think that they feel everything they say. Move on from him for your own peace of mind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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fwb are a wierd thing at times i have a couple of them i count as friends but i tell them right from the start im not exclusive to anyone and ill do as i please when not meeting them they are sexual friends nothing else they dont need to know anything else either so i guess it depends on what was said at the begining ..
as for those shouting get tested well ?? we should all be tested regulat surely not just because something has gone wrong ....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey everyone..
So I had an fwb for about 16 months..we had a great relationship although always on his terms, if I ever asked to meet there would always be an excuse why he couldn't.. we started off seeing each other once every 6-8 weeks and then more recently every 3-4 weeks..I always asked for openness and honesty so I could make decisions for myself.
Over the last few months I found out he had been dating, also that he had 2-3 other regular fwb' s that he had found on Tinder and Bumble..and also lied to me on more occasions that I could list..thoughts please, men and ladies I would love to hear your opinions..thank you.."
Sounds like someone I knew. I stopped seeing him eventually as I like being honest and open and wanted someone the same. He also hated the fact I saw others and wanted exclusivity which I didn't want and couldn't agree to with someone who lied constantly.
You can do better. Don't settle for anything less. |
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How's it going hun
Us blokes are complicated and if he was just a fuck buddy don't let it get to you, I know being lied to is insulting just being honest in the first place would be the one, he more likely led you on and played the game so he new he had a sure thing
If I had a fuck buddy I definitely wouldn't want to be fucking someone who's getting it from elsewhere you never know what they have been around
One or none
I suppose if he was honest with you, you may of not fucked him so he's lied to get what he wants
His loss and obviously had no respect for you |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"FWB SITUATION SHOULD SUIT BOTH NEVER BE ONE SIDED YOU CAN'T GET TOO UPSET IF HE OR SHE FUCKS SOMEONE ELSE AS IT AIN'T A RELATIONSHIP
Yes I agree...One can't be getting "too upset" when a FWBs sees other peeps...But tbh & it may be irrational on my part but I do like to know the types of peeps they're having sex with especially if I'm having penetrative sex with him...for the simple reason I value my sexual health & there are some undesirablles out there who don't value their health... Being very very selective & elusive is a quality I seek."
Anyone you meet could be meeting anyone down the pub, be meeting anyone on here and not displaying verifications, be meeting in whatever gang groups, apps or chats. People have untold sex lives.
If you believe verifications will get you better standard of bloke or are the be all and end all of promiscuity.. there's platinum elite shaggers dot com for that  |
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"Hey everyone..
So I had an fwb for about 16 months..we had a great relationship although always on his terms, if I ever asked to meet there would always be an excuse why he couldn't.. we started off seeing each other once every 6-8 weeks and then more recently every 3-4 weeks..I always asked for openness and honesty so I could make decisions for myself.
Over the last few months I found out he had been dating, also that he had 2-3 other regular fwb' s that he had found on Tinder and Bumble..and also lied to me on more occasions that I could list..thoughts please, men and ladies I would love to hear your opinions..thank you.."
I have had a similar experience, although I met him on Bumble and he knew that I was looking for dating and said he was too. After a few months I think I knew he was sleeping with others but he told me that he was only sleeping with me. I got feels for him as I thought we were exclusive, and he said we were more than sex, had a connection etc, but I actually found out from him showing his veri's on here a few months ago that he'd been sleeping with others the whole time. Really hurt me. Obviously not seeing him anymore, and not contacted him, but the feelings don't just disappear overnight
I hope you're ok, and you deserve better! X |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"Hey everyone..
So I had an fwb for about 16 months..we had a great relationship although always on his terms, if I ever asked to meet there would always be an excuse why he couldn't.. we started off seeing each other once every 6-8 weeks and then more recently every 3-4 weeks..I always asked for openness and honesty so I could make decisions for myself.
Over the last few months I found out he had been dating, also that he had 2-3 other regular fwb' s that he had found on Tinder and Bumble..and also lied to me on more occasions that I could list..thoughts please, men and ladies I would love to hear your opinions..thank you..
I have had a similar experience, although I met him on Bumble and he knew that I was looking for dating and said he was too. After a few months I think I knew he was sleeping with others but he told me that he was only sleeping with me. I got feels for him as I thought we were exclusive, and he said we were more than sex, had a connection etc, but I actually found out from him showing his veri's on here a few months ago that he'd been sleeping with others the whole time. Really hurt me. Obviously not seeing him anymore, and not contacted him, but the feelings don't just disappear overnight
I hope you're ok, and you deserve better! X"
It’s a real pity people struggle to be honest with each other even on a swingers site... just my thoughts and honest opinion x |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"Hey everyone..
So I had an fwb for about 16 months..we had a great relationship although always on his terms, if I ever asked to meet there would always be an excuse why he couldn't.. we started off seeing each other once every 6-8 weeks and then more recently every 3-4 weeks..I always asked for openness and honesty so I could make decisions for myself.
Over the last few months I found out he had been dating, also that he had 2-3 other regular fwb' s that he had found on Tinder and Bumble..and also lied to me on more occasions that I could list..thoughts please, men and ladies I would love to hear your opinions..thank you.."
Think a lot of potential partners are missing out if they have that amount of FWB |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"FWB SITUATION SHOULD SUIT BOTH NEVER BE ONE SIDED YOU CAN'T GET TOO UPSET IF HE OR SHE FUCKS SOMEONE ELSE AS IT AIN'T A RELATIONSHIP
Yes I agree...One can't be getting "too upset" when a FWBs sees other peeps...But tbh & it may be irrational on my part but I do like to know the types of peeps they're having sex with especially if I'm having penetrative sex with him...for the simple reason I value my sexual health & there are some undesirablles out there who don't value their health... Being very very selective & elusive is a quality I seek.
Anyone you meet could be meeting anyone down the pub, be meeting anyone on here and not displaying verifications, be meeting in whatever gang groups, apps or chats. People have untold sex lives.
If you believe verifications will get you better standard of bloke or are the be all and end all of promiscuity.. there's platinum elite shaggers dot com for that "
^^^^^^^ Quote - "There's platinum elite shaggers dot com for that " Is this a dig or is this site legit...
Yes I know anyone I meet could be meeting anyone down the pub or elsewhere & fking left right & centre & I'd never know about it...
It's the fact he lied to me without me even asking...& the most ironic thing of all is he wanted me to be exclusive to him...while he was fking left right & centre secretly...Ha as I said earlier I do expect a certain amount of honesty with a long term FWBs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You have a fwb. Has he ever said he was yours exclusively?
"
Not sure if it's me your asking...but your comment is directly under mine...so I'll answer
Yes this is my whole point...He told me he was exclusive to me without me asking him to be & he insisted I was to be exclusive to him...He was a compulsive conniving lier...& It turned me right off him...tbh he was a Jekyll & Hyde type |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"FWB SITUATION SHOULD SUIT BOTH NEVER BE ONE SIDED YOU CAN'T GET TOO UPSET IF HE OR SHE FUCKS SOMEONE ELSE AS IT AIN'T A RELATIONSHIP
Yes I agree...One can't be getting "too upset" when a FWBs sees other peeps...But tbh & it may be irrational on my part but I do like to know the types of peeps they're having sex with especially if I'm having penetrative sex with him...for the simple reason I value my sexual health & there are some undesirablles out there who don't value their health... Being very very selective & elusive is a quality I seek.
Anyone you meet could be meeting anyone down the pub, be meeting anyone on here and not displaying verifications, be meeting in whatever gang groups, apps or chats. People have untold sex lives.
If you believe verifications will get you better standard of bloke or are the be all and end all of promiscuity.. there's platinum elite shaggers dot com for that
^^^^^^^ Quote - "There's platinum elite shaggers dot com for that " Is this a dig or is this site legit...
Yes I know anyone I meet could be meeting anyone down the pub or elsewhere & fking left right & centre & I'd never know about it...
It's the fact he lied to me without me even asking...& the most ironic thing of all is he wanted me to be exclusive to him...while he was fking left right & centre secretly...Ha as I said earlier I do expect a certain amount of honesty with a long term FWBs."
After endless searches we all know fab is the only way to go
Mutual respect is a given, though there is an overlap in meeting someone a few times, becoming a buddy and letting them know of others. Open conversations between some may be needed though may not be between others.
A guy may think they've hooked a buddy after seeing a woman a few times, yet she has a different idea - the opposite applies too. Someone who has been disappointed after looking for someone for a long time could have that 'let down' reaction simply because someone didn't meet expectation.. when really they had no hold over them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Presumably you both had an open q&a about exclusivity at the outset.?
I assume most other people are seeing others , unless it’s specifically discussed and agreed otherwise.
Nobody is under obligation to provide details of their personal sexual or relationship , unless asked. And it’s perfectly reasonable to ask. Though in this case and judging by your post, he’s deliberately misled you.
There’s a difference between untruths and lies though.
I always prefer total disclosure - people make much better decisions about your relationship with you, if they do so on that basis of known truths. And vice versa.
X
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This certainly is a clear example of the difference between how women are treated and how men are treated on this site.
I have posted on subjects where I had similar feelings as the op regarding how I had been treated by a women.
The replies I got were typically 'grow a pair', 'develop a thick skin','get over yourself', 'she does not owe you anything', 'if you can't handle it leave the site', etc etc.
Not a single comment of support or understanding.
But look at the above when it's a women?
Very different.
All I will say to the op is yep. That's how I have felt on a regular basis. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This certainly is a clear example of the difference between how women are treated and how men are treated on this site.
I have posted on subjects where I had similar feelings as the op regarding how I had been treated by a women.
The replies I got were typically 'grow a pair', 'develop a thick skin','get over yourself', 'she does not owe you anything', 'if you can't handle it leave the site', etc etc.
Not a single comment of support or understanding.
But look at the above when it's a women?
Very different.
All I will say to the op is yep. That's how I have felt on a regular basis. "
I am sorry to hear that you got little support on here.
Doesn't matter if you're man or woman, we have feelings and it hurts!.. |
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That wasn’t FWB you were a random gal he hooked up with every now and then. Blocked and move on!
I don’t do FWB/ fuck buddies because lines aways get blurred but neither party or sex owe each other anything, seeing other people and as and when it suits is totally ok… if your both respectful and happy with that.
Sounds like you weren’t happy on his terms, so make it on your terms and get rid x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Presumably you both had an open q&a about exclusivity at the outset.?
I assume most other people are seeing others , unless it’s specifically discussed and agreed otherwise.
Nobody is under obligation to provide details of their personal sexual or relationship , unless asked. And it’s perfectly reasonable to ask. Though in this case and judging by your post, he’s deliberately misled you.
There’s a difference between untruths and lies though.
I always prefer total disclosure - people make much better decisions about your relationship with you, if they do so on that basis of known truths. And vice versa.
X
"
Thank you..its not about exclusivity..its about honesty.
No one should expect to be exclusive on this type of site.. |
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By *histlerMan
over a year ago
Guildford |
I think it depends on why you’re FWB rather than a couple. I don’t think being FWB means it has to be exclusive.
But I appreciate wanting to know this and making your own mind up if it’s not for you. |
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There should be trust, honesty and openness both ways over what you want for yourself with them and what you're doing with regards to meeting other people.
It shouldn't be treated any other way than you would expect with a good friend and that you're having sex with other people means that there needs to be a level of trust as your health can also be at risk too.
Nobody need the nitty gritty details of what you get up to with others but sharing things like you play with other people helps to put feelings and emotions into check so that you k ow how deeply to allow yourselves to attach yourself to that person.
Certainly as has been mentioned above, gender shouldn't come into how people are treated, decent people are decent and arseholes will be arseholes who really should be avoided. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's great that everyone getting involved and has an opinion..
It's quite interesting how the original post started by asking the question about honesty and somehow the whole theme is now focused on exclusivity.. |
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"It's great that everyone getting involved and has an opinion..
It's quite interesting how the original post started by asking the question about honesty and somehow the whole theme is now focused on exclusivity.."
Because you mentioned it… you said you asked for openness and honesty and then mention the dating and other FWB’s. It reads like he wasn’t honest about those things and lied about other stuff too.
No one should be purposely lied too or mislead, but no one should be expected to divulge their sexual activity unless exclusivity is expected by the label.
Apologises if wrong end of the stick… but that’s exactly how I read it x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So here's my take on the new theme of exclusivity..
I don't think we should expect it unless it has been promised.
I have never come across such a promise yet..and would be dubious if anyone suggested exclusivity on this site.
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"It's great that everyone getting involved and has an opinion..
It's quite interesting how the original post started by asking the question about honesty and somehow the whole theme is now focused on exclusivity.."
I'd never expect an FWB to be exclusive and prefer it if they're not to be quite honest, I realise one person cannot possibly fulfil all of another's needs and I like knowing that they're enjoying themselves too.
Nobody who swings should expect exclusivity unless you've had that conversation and both agreed to be exclusive.
I'll take an FWB who openly tells me they're meeting others over one who you don't trust. |
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"So here's my take on the new theme of exclusivity..
I don't think we should expect it unless it has been promised.
I have never come across such a promise yet..and would be dubious if anyone suggested exclusivity on this site.
Totally agree with you there.
"
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