FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > First meet nerves
First meet nerves
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice? |
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Club club club club Clun
It removes the pressure you can go at your own pace nothing is ever expected of you and if you only play with eachother while having abit of a perv at others having fun then nothings lost. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You have been on fab for over a year now. So why now. Or is this your fantacy really."
Irrelevant to how long I been fab, why now? because its now and wasn't relevant 12 months ago. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Club club club club Clun
It removes the pressure you can go at your own pace nothing is ever expected of you and if you only play with eachother while having abit of a perv at others having fun then nothings lost. "
Thank you for your input, I have suggested a club before but even that makes her nervous.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I agree club too, it will give her chance to talk to people and get relaxed around how the scene works. But pick the right night. Some club nights could turn her off the idea completely."
Truthfully this is a concern of mine |
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"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?"
I would suggest you both go to an organised social, no pressure to play as its only a social |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Club club club club Clun
It removes the pressure you can go at your own pace nothing is ever expected of you and if you only play with eachother while having abit of a perv at others having fun then nothings lost. "
words of wisdom  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?
I would suggest you both go to an organised social, no pressure to play as its only a social "
I'm happy to do this and have suggested going to one, this too makes her very nervous, I don't think she would be able to get herself in the door |
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If she is as nervous as you say (I don't doubt you) you're going to have to let this remain as a fantasy between you. If going to a social is too much for her actual sex with another person is never going to happenbandvi think you've both got to accept that.
Swinging doesn't break up strong marriages. It will expose some weaknesses in some though |
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By *uy PiercedMan
over a year ago
somewhere only we know |
I agree that a club visit would open eyes to playing with others without the pressure of anything happening. Also new friends can be made. Maybe there may be pressure to play when meeting outside of club environment |
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Hey good evening.
Thanks for the post.
I've wanted to try events for such a long time. Whilst I was married, then when I was with a partner of two years. But the timing wasn't right and quite frankly neither were they!
So now as a single lady, I took the plunge and went to a newbie event. Fully staffed and monitored. My heart was literally exploding with nerves, and anticipation but I'm so glad I went through with it... And on my own too!
I promised myself ‘just make it to one hour, then I can go home’.. 3 hours later, new friends, different experiences, and looking forward to my next one.
The apprehension and unfamiliar surroundings are daunting for sure. But you have each others back.
Go! ‘stay for an hour’
If nothing else, you'll have stuff to talk over, and wank over for weeks ??
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If she is as nervous as you say (I don't doubt you) you're going to have to let this remain as a fantasy between you. If going to a social is too much for her actual sex with another person is never going to happenbandvi think you've both got to accept that.
Swinging doesn't break up strong marriages. It will expose some weaknesses in some though"
I think it’s the many people that attend clubs thats making her nervous, the sex is not the issue I don’t think, I think its what comes after, will she enjoy it, will she regret it, all of the unknowns, obviously she needs to make a decision what’s best for her, not for me or anyone else. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hey good evening.
Thanks for the post.
I've wanted to try events for such a long time. Whilst I was married, then when I was with a partner of two years. But the timing wasn't right and quite frankly neither were they!
So now as a single lady, I took the plunge and went to a newbie event. Fully staffed and monitored. My heart was literally exploding with nerves, and anticipation but I'm so glad I went through with it... And on my own too!
I promised myself ‘just make it to one hour, then I can go home’.. 3 hours later, new friends, different experiences, and looking forward to my next one.
The apprehension and unfamiliar surroundings are daunting for sure. But you have each others back.
Go! ‘stay for an hour’
If nothing else, you'll have stuff to talk over, and wank over for weeks ??
"
Sounds like you had a good night. |
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"Hey good evening.
Thanks for the post.
I've wanted to try events for such a long time. Whilst I was married, then when I was with a partner of two years. But the timing wasn't right and quite frankly neither were they!
So now as a single lady, I took the plunge and went to a newbie event. Fully staffed and monitored. My heart was literally exploding with nerves, and anticipation but I'm so glad I went through with it... And on my own too!
I promised myself ‘just make it to one hour, then I can go home’.. 3 hours later, new friends, different experiences, and looking forward to my next one.
The apprehension and unfamiliar surroundings are daunting for sure. But you have each others back.
Go! ‘stay for an hour’
If nothing else, you'll have stuff to talk over, and wank over for weeks ??
Sounds like you had a good night."
A really positive experience, and left wanting more! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hey good evening.
Thanks for the post.
I've wanted to try events for such a long time. Whilst I was married, then when I was with a partner of two years. But the timing wasn't right and quite frankly neither were they!
So now as a single lady, I took the plunge and went to a newbie event. Fully staffed and monitored. My heart was literally exploding with nerves, and anticipation but I'm so glad I went through with it... And on my own too!
I promised myself ‘just make it to one hour, then I can go home’.. 3 hours later, new friends, different experiences, and looking forward to my next one.
The apprehension and unfamiliar surroundings are daunting for sure. But you have each others back.
Go! ‘stay for an hour’
If nothing else, you'll have stuff to talk over, and wank over for weeks ??
Sounds like you had a good night.
A really positive experience, and left wanting more!"
Good to hear |
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"If she is as nervous as you say (I don't doubt you) you're going to have to let this remain as a fantasy between you. If going to a social is too much for her actual sex with another person is never going to happenbandvi think you've both got to accept that.
Swinging doesn't break up strong marriages. It will expose some weaknesses in some though
I think it’s the many people that attend clubs thats making her nervous, the sex is not the issue I don’t think, I think its what comes after, will she enjoy it, will she regret it, all of the unknowns, obviously she needs to make a decision what’s best for her, not for me or anyone else."
If that's the case and again I don't doubt it, why would she feel too nervous for an organised social?
There is a lot of "I think" in your post, has she told you this or have you assumed it? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If she is as nervous as you say (I don't doubt you) you're going to have to let this remain as a fantasy between you. If going to a social is too much for her actual sex with another person is never going to happenbandvi think you've both got to accept that.
Swinging doesn't break up strong marriages. It will expose some weaknesses in some though
I think it’s the many people that attend clubs thats making her nervous, the sex is not the issue I don’t think, I think its what comes after, will she enjoy it, will she regret it, all of the unknowns, obviously she needs to make a decision what’s best for her, not for me or anyone else.
If that's the case and again I don't doubt it, why would she feel too nervous for an organised social?
There is a lot of "I think" in your post, has she told you this or have you assumed it?"
Nervous for the amount of people and yes she’s expressed them concerns of the unknown. |
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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago
West Mids |
"If she is as nervous as you say (I don't doubt you) you're going to have to let this remain as a fantasy between you. If going to a social is too much for her actual sex with another person is never going to happenbandvi think you've both got to accept that.
Swinging doesn't break up strong marriages. It will expose some weaknesses in some though
I think it’s the many people that attend clubs thats making her nervous, the sex is not the issue I don’t think, I think its what comes after, will she enjoy it, will she regret it, all of the unknowns, obviously she needs to make a decision what’s best for her, not for me or anyone else.
If that's the case and again I don't doubt it, why would she feel too nervous for an organised social?
There is a lot of "I think" in your post, has she told you this or have you assumed it?
Nervous for the amount of people and yes she’s expressed them concerns of the unknown."
She doesn't mind you having a single guy's profile?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
What about arranging some socials where you both go? Make it clear from the outset that it is just a social and nothing more than a chat and a little flirting |
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"If she is as nervous as you say (I don't doubt you) you're going to have to let this remain as a fantasy between you. If going to a social is too much for her actual sex with another person is never going to happenbandvi think you've both got to accept that.
Swinging doesn't break up strong marriages. It will expose some weaknesses in some though
I think it’s the many people that attend clubs thats making her nervous, the sex is not the issue I don’t think, I think its what comes after, will she enjoy it, will she regret it, all of the unknowns, obviously she needs to make a decision what’s best for her, not for me or anyone else.
If that's the case and again I don't doubt it, why would she feel too nervous for an organised social?
There is a lot of "I think" in your post, has she told you this or have you assumed it?
Nervous for the amount of people and yes she’s expressed them concerns of the unknown."
Ok the only other suggestion I have is a social with just one other person and maybe a bit of a chat about whether she genuinely wants to turn fantasy into reality. I wish you both the best of luck  |
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This is a genuine reply. Not a dig. If you do have a couples profile you maybe better posting from that account. That way she can look at the responses and hopefully reassure her it's just like a night down the pub. Just with people who have similar interests. We've(yes we have a couples profile on here too) have been to loads of socials. Met some great people and have arranged things for another time. It is daunting but 10 minutes in it all goes. In our experience anyway. |
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"This is a genuine reply. Not a dig. If you do have a couples profile you maybe better posting from that account. That way she can look at the responses and hopefully reassure her it's just like a night down the pub. Just with people who have similar interests. We've(yes we have a couples profile on here too) have been to loads of socials. Met some great people and have arranged things for another time. It is daunting but 10 minutes in it all goes. In our experience anyway."
The question is, will he post from his couples profile?? |
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When we started out doing this I never would have been able to go to a big organised social or a club.
For us what worked best at first was socials with people where there was no expectation that any play was going to happen. Of course I was full of nerves and still am now for meets but they are a lot more settled and enjoyable. Talking to different people really helped me and normalised it more. Along with a lot of talking afterwards together about how we both felt. Just take things slowly and see how things develop. Nerves are fine as long as you are both finding enjoyment from it.
Kx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just want to say thanks for those with positive comments
For those that are sending me messages saying I’ll talk to you misses if you message us from your couples profile, good effort but no thanks, there are better ways to perv without begging |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When we started out doing this I never would have been able to go to a big organised social or a club.
For us what worked best at first was socials with people where there was no expectation that any play was going to happen. Of course I was full of nerves and still am now for meets but they are a lot more settled and enjoyable. Talking to different people really helped me and normalised it more. Along with a lot of talking afterwards together about how we both felt. Just take things slowly and see how things develop. Nerves are fine as long as you are both finding enjoyment from it.
Kx"
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that we all feel nervousness about a first meet ( it’s why I love repeat meetings )
If you want it enough then you accept it and get the added thrill from it xx
If it isn’t worth it - it isn’t right
Do your research xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think that we all feel nervousness about a first meet ( it’s why I love repeat meetings )
If you want it enough then you accept it and get the added thrill from it xx
If it isn’t worth it - it isn’t right
Do your research xx "
If you don’t try, how do you know if it’s right or wrong for you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OK. Bottom line nerves are a bitch but need to be overcome. There's no easy way other than going for it. If it's truly just nerves she'll find a way to meet another person or couple with you. If she's using it as an excuse though it won't happen. And if she's that uncomfortable meeting for sex won't be happening either. Communication is vital between you. And ditch your single account and stick to the couples until you're both happy because if I was her feeling as nervous as she does, I would feel even more threatened by you having a single account. |
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The best for you would be to discuss what you both want. Don't have this discussion when having fun as this just leads to a fantasy and nothing more.
Let your wife have a browse round the site and maybe chat with a few people to help build up her confidence.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OK. Bottom line nerves are a bitch but need to be overcome. There's no easy way other than going for it. If it's truly just nerves she'll find a way to meet another person or couple with you. If she's using it as an excuse though it won't happen. And if she's that uncomfortable meeting for sex won't be happening either. Communication is vital between you. And ditch your single account and stick to the couples until you're both happy because if I was her feeling as nervous as she does, I would feel even more threatened by you having a single account."
She’s aware that I have this account and it doesn’t threaten her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK. Bottom line nerves are a bitch but need to be overcome. There's no easy way other than going for it. If it's truly just nerves she'll find a way to meet another person or couple with you. If she's using it as an excuse though it won't happen. And if she's that uncomfortable meeting for sex won't be happening either. Communication is vital between you. And ditch your single account and stick to the couples until you're both happy because if I was her feeling as nervous as she does, I would feel even more threatened by you having a single account.
She’s aware that I have this account and it doesn’t threaten her"
Just saying how I'd feel. Something is behind those nerves and stopping her doing what many of us manage to overcome. |
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"I think that we all feel nervousness about a first meet ( it’s why I love repeat meetings )
If you want it enough then you accept it and get the added thrill from it xx
If it isn’t worth it - it isn’t right
Do your research xx
If you don’t try, how do you know if it’s right or wrong for you?"
I've never tried sky diving but I'm 100% sure it's wrong for me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OK. Bottom line nerves are a bitch but need to be overcome. There's no easy way other than going for it. If it's truly just nerves she'll find a way to meet another person or couple with you. If she's using it as an excuse though it won't happen. And if she's that uncomfortable meeting for sex won't be happening either. Communication is vital between you. And ditch your single account and stick to the couples until you're both happy because if I was her feeling as nervous as she does, I would feel even more threatened by you having a single account.
She’s aware that I have this account and it doesn’t threaten her
Just saying how I'd feel. Something is behind those nerves and stopping her doing what many of us manage to overcome. "
She’s said many times it’s the first meet, she just so nervous about it, I’m her only partner in 20 years and opening up to this is daunting to her, but I do believe once she’s had that first meet, she’ll be ok, it’s not about the sex because she struggles for a no commitment meet. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think that we all feel nervousness about a first meet ( it’s why I love repeat meetings )
If you want it enough then you accept it and get the added thrill from it xx
If it isn’t worth it - it isn’t right
Do your research xx
If you don’t try, how do you know if it’s right or wrong for you?
I've never tried sky diving but I'm 100% sure it's wrong for me"
Seriously |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Noone wants to perv they just want to offer to speak to the lady not you
Did I ask for this?
Wow. People trying to offer advice you asked for and this is how you reply to them? "
Offering advice for something I didn’t ask for. |
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By *andsCouple
over a year ago
Edin |
"OK. Bottom line nerves are a bitch but need to be overcome. There's no easy way other than going for it. If it's truly just nerves she'll find a way to meet another person or couple with you. If she's using it as an excuse though it won't happen. And if she's that uncomfortable meeting for sex won't be happening either. Communication is vital between you. And ditch your single account and stick to the couples until you're both happy because if I was her feeling as nervous as she does, I would feel even more threatened by you having a single account.
She’s aware that I have this account and it doesn’t threaten her
Just saying how I'd feel. Something is behind those nerves and stopping her doing what many of us manage to overcome.
She’s said many times it’s the first meet, she just so nervous about it, I’m her only partner in 20 years and opening up to this is daunting to her, but I do believe once she’s had that first meet, she’ll be ok, it’s not about the sex because she struggles for a no commitment meet. "
To be honest it’s not what you “believe” that matters! If she really wants to do it she will and at the minute it’s looking unlikely. Getting suggestions from strangers is pointless, let her tell you if and when she wants to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK. Bottom line nerves are a bitch but need to be overcome. There's no easy way other than going for it. If it's truly just nerves she'll find a way to meet another person or couple with you. If she's using it as an excuse though it won't happen. And if she's that uncomfortable meeting for sex won't be happening either. Communication is vital between you. And ditch your single account and stick to the couples until you're both happy because if I was her feeling as nervous as she does, I would feel even more threatened by you having a single account.
She’s aware that I have this account and it doesn’t threaten her
Just saying how I'd feel. Something is behind those nerves and stopping her doing what many of us manage to overcome.
She’s said many times it’s the first meet, she just so nervous about it, I’m her only partner in 20 years and opening up to this is daunting to her, but I do believe once she’s had that first meet, she’ll be ok, it’s not about the sex because she struggles for a no commitment meet. "
I know how that feels. I was the same. And I truly believe that knowing you are fully team couple will help. But what do I know? I'm only speaking from my experience.
I guess the answer is to just accept it won't happen. Can't believe someone would be so selfish though to not even try my suggestion. *shrugs* good luck op. |
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"I think that we all feel nervousness about a first meet ( it’s why I love repeat meetings )
If you want it enough then you accept it and get the added thrill from it xx
If it isn’t worth it - it isn’t right
Do your research xx
If you don’t try, how do you know if it’s right or wrong for you?
I've never tried sky diving but I'm 100% sure it's wrong for me
Seriously"
Seriously.
I don't know you, I don't know your wife, all I do know is that she's telling you what is making her nervous which is the possible affect on your marriage and the number of people at clubs and socials. You've asked for advice on this and everything we've suggested you've continued to tell us she'll be too nervous to try. The only things I can suggest now is that you discuss these concerns at length and reassure her that your marriage will not be affected, her nervousness around a lot of people could be helped by just meeting singles or couples individually for a coffee. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OK. Bottom line nerves are a bitch but need to be overcome. There's no easy way other than going for it. If it's truly just nerves she'll find a way to meet another person or couple with you. If she's using it as an excuse though it won't happen. And if she's that uncomfortable meeting for sex won't be happening either. Communication is vital between you. And ditch your single account and stick to the couples until you're both happy because if I was her feeling as nervous as she does, I would feel even more threatened by you having a single account.
She’s aware that I have this account and it doesn’t threaten her
Just saying how I'd feel. Something is behind those nerves and stopping her doing what many of us manage to overcome.
She’s said many times it’s the first meet, she just so nervous about it, I’m her only partner in 20 years and opening up to this is daunting to her, but I do believe once she’s had that first meet, she’ll be ok, it’s not about the sex because she struggles for a no commitment meet.
To be honest it’s not what you “believe” that matters! If she really wants to do it she will and at the minute it’s looking unlikely. Getting suggestions from strangers is pointless, let her tell you if and when she wants to."
Thank you, but I think you are wrong, some of the advice as made me look at it from a different perspective, those that have experienced being in such situation.
Your right to say what I believe doesn’t matter, but I am entitled to express my opinion of my wife. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I never find it believable when one half of a couple posts from a single profile claiming to be speaking on behalf of their partner "
Who’s claiming? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never find it believable when one half of a couple posts from a single profile claiming to be speaking on behalf of their partner
Who’s claiming?"
You! |
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By *andsCouple
over a year ago
Edin |
"OK. Bottom line nerves are a bitch but need to be overcome. There's no easy way other than going for it. If it's truly just nerves she'll find a way to meet another person or couple with you. If she's using it as an excuse though it won't happen. And if she's that uncomfortable meeting for sex won't be happening either. Communication is vital between you. And ditch your single account and stick to the couples until you're both happy because if I was her feeling as nervous as she does, I would feel even more threatened by you having a single account.
She’s aware that I have this account and it doesn’t threaten her
Just saying how I'd feel. Something is behind those nerves and stopping her doing what many of us manage to overcome.
She’s said many times it’s the first meet, she just so nervous about it, I’m her only partner in 20 years and opening up to this is daunting to her, but I do believe once she’s had that first meet, she’ll be ok, it’s not about the sex because she struggles for a no commitment meet.
To be honest it’s not what you “believe” that matters! If she really wants to do it she will and at the minute it’s looking unlikely. Getting suggestions from strangers is pointless, let her tell you if and when she wants to.
Thank you, but I think you are wrong, some of the advice as made me look at it from a different perspective, those that have experienced being in such situation.
Your right to say what I believe doesn’t matter, but I am entitled to express my opinion of my wife."
I’m sure she can speak for herself! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OK. Bottom line nerves are a bitch but need to be overcome. There's no easy way other than going for it. If it's truly just nerves she'll find a way to meet another person or couple with you. If she's using it as an excuse though it won't happen. And if she's that uncomfortable meeting for sex won't be happening either. Communication is vital between you. And ditch your single account and stick to the couples until you're both happy because if I was her feeling as nervous as she does, I would feel even more threatened by you having a single account.
She’s aware that I have this account and it doesn’t threaten her
Just saying how I'd feel. Something is behind those nerves and stopping her doing what many of us manage to overcome.
She’s said many times it’s the first meet, she just so nervous about it, I’m her only partner in 20 years and opening up to this is daunting to her, but I do believe once she’s had that first meet, she’ll be ok, it’s not about the sex because she struggles for a no commitment meet.
I know how that feels. I was the same. And I truly believe that knowing you are fully team couple will help. But what do I know? I'm only speaking from my experience.
I guess the answer is to just accept it won't happen. Can't believe someone would be so selfish though to not even try my suggestion. *shrugs* good luck op. "
Funny, I didn’t realise I said I’m refusing to try your suggestion, and you have the nerve to call me selfish, thank you for your comments |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OK. Bottom line nerves are a bitch but need to be overcome. There's no easy way other than going for it. If it's truly just nerves she'll find a way to meet another person or couple with you. If she's using it as an excuse though it won't happen. And if she's that uncomfortable meeting for sex won't be happening either. Communication is vital between you. And ditch your single account and stick to the couples until you're both happy because if I was her feeling as nervous as she does, I would feel even more threatened by you having a single account.
She’s aware that I have this account and it doesn’t threaten her
Just saying how I'd feel. Something is behind those nerves and stopping her doing what many of us manage to overcome.
She’s said many times it’s the first meet, she just so nervous about it, I’m her only partner in 20 years and opening up to this is daunting to her, but I do believe once she’s had that first meet, she’ll be ok, it’s not about the sex because she struggles for a no commitment meet.
To be honest it’s not what you “believe” that matters! If she really wants to do it she will and at the minute it’s looking unlikely. Getting suggestions from strangers is pointless, let her tell you if and when she wants to.
Thank you, but I think you are wrong, some of the advice as made me look at it from a different perspective, those that have experienced being in such situation.
Your right to say what I believe doesn’t matter, but I am entitled to express my opinion of my wife.
I’m sure she can speak for herself! "
I’m sure she would if it was her speaking here |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I never find it believable when one half of a couple posts from a single profile claiming to be speaking on behalf of their partner
Who’s claiming?
You!"
Where in any of the comments do you see me asking on behalf of my partner?????? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OK. Bottom line nerves are a bitch but need to be overcome. There's no easy way other than going for it. If it's truly just nerves she'll find a way to meet another person or couple with you. If she's using it as an excuse though it won't happen. And if she's that uncomfortable meeting for sex won't be happening either. Communication is vital between you. And ditch your single account and stick to the couples until you're both happy because if I was her feeling as nervous as she does, I would feel even more threatened by you having a single account.
She’s aware that I have this account and it doesn’t threaten her
Just saying how I'd feel. Something is behind those nerves and stopping her doing what many of us manage to overcome.
She’s said many times it’s the first meet, she just so nervous about it, I’m her only partner in 20 years and opening up to this is daunting to her, but I do believe once she’s had that first meet, she’ll be ok, it’s not about the sex because she struggles for a no commitment meet.
I know how that feels. I was the same. And I truly believe that knowing you are fully team couple will help. But what do I know? I'm only speaking from my experience.
I guess the answer is to just accept it won't happen. Can't believe someone would be so selfish though to not even try my suggestion. *shrugs* good luck op.
Funny, I didn’t realise I said I’m refusing to try your suggestion, and you have the nerve to call me selfish, thank you for your comments"
Well you basically told me I was wrong and that she wasn't threatened by your single account. I took that as you not being interested in my advice or experience of being in almost the exact same situation. The only difference being my husband seemed to be more supportive and less aggressive and more open to suggestions on how to help. Just my observations. And yes. You are coming across as selfish. I stand by that. |
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"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?"
what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I never find it believable when one half of a couple posts from a single profile claiming to be speaking on behalf of their partner
Who’s claiming?
You!
Where in any of the comments do you see me asking on behalf of my partner??????"
Your first post is telling us how she feels
It's only your claims |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OK. Bottom line nerves are a bitch but need to be overcome. There's no easy way other than going for it. If it's truly just nerves she'll find a way to meet another person or couple with you. If she's using it as an excuse though it won't happen. And if she's that uncomfortable meeting for sex won't be happening either. Communication is vital between you. And ditch your single account and stick to the couples until you're both happy because if I was her feeling as nervous as she does, I would feel even more threatened by you having a single account.
She’s aware that I have this account and it doesn’t threaten her
Just saying how I'd feel. Something is behind those nerves and stopping her doing what many of us manage to overcome.
She’s said many times it’s the first meet, she just so nervous about it, I’m her only partner in 20 years and opening up to this is daunting to her, but I do believe once she’s had that first meet, she’ll be ok, it’s not about the sex because she struggles for a no commitment meet.
I know how that feels. I was the same. And I truly believe that knowing you are fully team couple will help. But what do I know? I'm only speaking from my experience.
I guess the answer is to just accept it won't happen. Can't believe someone would be so selfish though to not even try my suggestion. *shrugs* good luck op.
Funny, I didn’t realise I said I’m refusing to try your suggestion, and you have the nerve to call me selfish, thank you for your comments
Well you basically told me I was wrong and that she wasn't threatened by your single account. I took that as you not being interested in my advice or experience of being in almost the exact same situation. The only difference being my husband seemed to be more supportive and less aggressive and more open to suggestions on how to help. Just my observations. And yes. You are coming across as selfish. I stand by that. "
Do enlighten me, how am I being aggressive? You had an opinion to how my wife would feel and I just stated my wife is not threatened by this account, not my problem if you feel that I’m telling you are wrong, I had many suggestions and some I have taken on board, just because I didn’t agree with what you had to say makes me selfish. Ok you keep thinking that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage."
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you tried |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I never find it believable when one half of a couple posts from a single profile claiming to be speaking on behalf of their partner
Who’s claiming?
You!
Where in any of the comments do you see me asking on behalf of my partner??????
Your first post is telling us how she feels
It's only your claims "
So you saying I’m not allowed to say how my wife feels when asking for advice, I didn’t asked if it’s normal for my wife to feel this way did I? |
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"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage.
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you tried"
Why don't you enlighten us all then. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I never find it believable when one half of a couple posts from a single profile claiming to be speaking on behalf of their partner
Who’s claiming?
You!
Where in any of the comments do you see me asking on behalf of my partner??????
Your first post is telling us how she feels
It's only your claims
So you saying I’m not allowed to say how my wife feels when asking for advice, I didn’t asked if it’s normal for my wife to feel this way did I?"
I'm saying it's not believable |
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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago
West Mids |
"I never find it believable when one half of a couple posts from a single profile claiming to be speaking on behalf of their partner
Who’s claiming?
You!
Where in any of the comments do you see me asking on behalf of my partner??????
Your first post is telling us how she feels
It's only your claims
So you saying I’m not allowed to say how my wife feels when asking for advice, I didn’t asked if it’s normal for my wife to feel this way did I?"
So can we know what your couple's profile is?
it would be interesting to hear what your wife's opinion is, rather than YOUR opinion of what her opinion is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
From what I've seen you have come up with an excuse for every suggestion others have made, not just me. Which suggestions have you found helpful so we know what her levels of comfort are? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage.
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you triedWhy don't you enlighten us all then. "
I’m not pushy in anyway, I would never pressure my wife into anything she doesn’t want to do, never have and never would, if I was to set something up and she backed out, then so be it, it’s not ment to be, so when I said couldn’t be more wrong, I stand by that. |
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People have offered to speak with her privately to see if they can help as you say she doesn't like crowds but then you call those people pervs for offering to spend their time trying to offer her support |
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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago
West Mids |
"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage.
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you triedWhy don't you enlighten us all then.
I’m not pushy in anyway, I would never pressure my wife into anything she doesn’t want to do, never have and never would, if I was to set something up and she backed out, then so be it, it’s not ment to be, so when I said couldn’t be more wrong, I stand by that."
She knows nothing about this, does she?? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage.
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you triedWhy don't you enlighten us all then.
I’m not pushy in anyway, I would never pressure my wife into anything she doesn’t want to do, never have and never would, if I was to set something up and she backed out, then so be it, it’s not ment to be, so when I said couldn’t be more wrong, I stand by that.
She knows nothing about this, does she??"
She’s laying right next to me and can see my screen, I got nothing to hide |
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"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage.
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you triedWhy don't you enlighten us all then.
I’m not pushy in anyway, I would never pressure my wife into anything she doesn’t want to do, never have and never would, if I was to set something up and she backed out, then so be it, it’s not ment to be, so when I said couldn’t be more wrong, I stand by that."
and how long has this been going on for? Your single profile is over a year old so did this come first or your couples profile? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"People have offered to speak with her privately to see if they can help as you say she doesn't like crowds but then you call those people pervs for offering to spend their time trying to offer her support"
You offered to speak to my wife if a message was sent from our profile, I refused you and now you upset about it, get over it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage.
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you triedWhy don't you enlighten us all then.
I’m not pushy in anyway, I would never pressure my wife into anything she doesn’t want to do, never have and never would, if I was to set something up and she backed out, then so be it, it’s not ment to be, so when I said couldn’t be more wrong, I stand by that.and how long has this been going on for? Your single profile is over a year old so did this come first or your couples profile?"
Completely irrelevant |
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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago
West Mids |
"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage.
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you triedWhy don't you enlighten us all then.
I’m not pushy in anyway, I would never pressure my wife into anything she doesn’t want to do, never have and never would, if I was to set something up and she backed out, then so be it, it’s not ment to be, so when I said couldn’t be more wrong, I stand by that.
She knows nothing about this, does she??
She’s laying right next to me and can see my screen, I got nothing to hide"
Right....
And of course there is only your word for that.
Go on then, what is your couples profile??
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thank you for those that offered advice,
Some I found some very helpful and some not so much.
Have a good evening"
What did you find helpful op? I missed that bit sorry. |
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"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage.
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you triedWhy don't you enlighten us all then.
I’m not pushy in anyway, I would never pressure my wife into anything she doesn’t want to do, never have and never would, if I was to set something up and she backed out, then so be it, it’s not ment to be, so when I said couldn’t be more wrong, I stand by that.and how long has this been going on for? Your single profile is over a year old so did this come first or your couples profile?
Completely irrelevant "
actually it's totally relevant but you wouldn't be able to see that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage.
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you triedWhy don't you enlighten us all then.
I’m not pushy in anyway, I would never pressure my wife into anything she doesn’t want to do, never have and never would, if I was to set something up and she backed out, then so be it, it’s not ment to be, so when I said couldn’t be more wrong, I stand by that.and how long has this been going on for? Your single profile is over a year old so did this come first or your couples profile?
Completely irrelevant actually it's totally relevant but you wouldn't be able to see that."
Actually it’s not because if I wanted to share our profile I would have done, not my problem you have a issue with that |
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By *panddaCouple
over a year ago
West Mids |
"I really hope that if this wife exists that you speak to her in a better way than I've seen you speak to people on here "
IF she exists.
Does she know of this OP?
Don't worry though, we aren't expecting an honest answer.
Goodnight
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Thank you for those that offered advice,
Some I found some very helpful and some not so much.
Have a good evening
What did you find helpful op? I missed that bit sorry. "
Clearly from those that shared helpful knowledge |
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"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage.
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you triedWhy don't you enlighten us all then.
I’m not pushy in anyway, I would never pressure my wife into anything she doesn’t want to do, never have and never would, if I was to set something up and she backed out, then so be it, it’s not ment to be, so when I said couldn’t be more wrong, I stand by that.and how long has this been going on for? Your single profile is over a year old so did this come first or your couples profile?
Completely irrelevant actually it's totally relevant but you wouldn't be able to see that.
Actually it’s not because if I wanted to share our profile I would have done, not my problem you have a issue with that"
who asked you to share your couples profile? Try reading the message from on top your high horse before jumping to conclusions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Club club club club Clun
It removes the pressure you can go at your own pace nothing is ever expected of you and if you only play with eachother while having abit of a perv at others having fun then nothings lost. "
This. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thank you for those that offered advice,
Some I found some very helpful and some not so much.
Have a good evening
What did you find helpful op? I missed that bit sorry.
Clearly from those that shared helpful knowledge"
? As I expected. Literally nothing. If your wife wants to chat about her nervousness I'm more than happy to chat to her. But you "sir" don't deserve any further help. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I really hope that if this wife exists that you speak to her in a better way than I've seen you speak to people on here
IF she exists.
Does she know of this OP?
Don't worry though, we aren't expecting an honest answer.
Goodnight
"
Oh wow how pathetic, and this is coming from someone who thinks they can offer good advice, seems I was right not to take anything you said on board,
Good night
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Thank you for those that offered advice,
Some I found some very helpful and some not so much.
Have a good evening
What did you find helpful op? I missed that bit sorry.
Clearly from those that shared helpful knowledge
? As I expected. Literally nothing. If your wife wants to chat about her nervousness I'm more than happy to chat to her. But you "sir" don't deserve any further help. "
Don’t be upset your advice was not up to expectations |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage.
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you triedWhy don't you enlighten us all then.
I’m not pushy in anyway, I would never pressure my wife into anything she doesn’t want to do, never have and never would, if I was to set something up and she backed out, then so be it, it’s not ment to be, so when I said couldn’t be more wrong, I stand by that.and how long has this been going on for? Your single profile is over a year old so did this come first or your couples profile?
Completely irrelevant actually it's totally relevant but you wouldn't be able to see that.
Actually it’s not because if I wanted to share our profile I would have done, not my problem you have a issue with thatwho asked you to share your couples profile? Try reading the message from on top your high horse before jumping to conclusions. "
Private messages asking for it, I did say that but if you read the comments you would know that, bye now |
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"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage.
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you triedWhy don't you enlighten us all then.
I’m not pushy in anyway, I would never pressure my wife into anything she doesn’t want to do, never have and never would, if I was to set something up and she backed out, then so be it, it’s not ment to be, so when I said couldn’t be more wrong, I stand by that.and how long has this been going on for? Your single profile is over a year old so did this come first or your couples profile?
Completely irrelevant actually it's totally relevant but you wouldn't be able to see that.
Actually it’s not because if I wanted to share our profile I would have done, not my problem you have a issue with thatwho asked you to share your couples profile? Try reading the message from on top your high horse before jumping to conclusions.
Private messages asking for it, I did say that but if you read the comments you would know that, bye now"
which has got absolutely nothing to with what we actually asked you but dont let us stand in the way of that deflection. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage.
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you triedWhy don't you enlighten us all then.
I’m not pushy in anyway, I would never pressure my wife into anything she doesn’t want to do, never have and never would, if I was to set something up and she backed out, then so be it, it’s not ment to be, so when I said couldn’t be more wrong, I stand by that.and how long has this been going on for? Your single profile is over a year old so did this come first or your couples profile?
Completely irrelevant actually it's totally relevant but you wouldn't be able to see that.
Actually it’s not because if I wanted to share our profile I would have done, not my problem you have a issue with thatwho asked you to share your couples profile? Try reading the message from on top your high horse before jumping to conclusions.
Private messages asking for it, I did say that but if you read the comments you would know that, bye nowwhich has got absolutely nothing to with what we actually asked you but dont let us stand in the way of that deflection. "
I don’t think you know know what you asking,
Let’s say good night and leave it there |
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"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage.
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you triedWhy don't you enlighten us all then.
I’m not pushy in anyway, I would never pressure my wife into anything she doesn’t want to do, never have and never would, if I was to set something up and she backed out, then so be it, it’s not ment to be, so when I said couldn’t be more wrong, I stand by that.and how long has this been going on for? Your single profile is over a year old so did this come first or your couples profile?
Completely irrelevant actually it's totally relevant but you wouldn't be able to see that.
Actually it’s not because if I wanted to share our profile I would have done, not my problem you have a issue with thatwho asked you to share your couples profile? Try reading the message from on top your high horse before jumping to conclusions.
Private messages asking for it, I did say that but if you read the comments you would know that, bye nowwhich has got absolutely nothing to with what we actually asked you but dont let us stand in the way of that deflection.
I don’t think you know know what you asking,
Let’s say good night and leave it there"
no it was quite simple. What came first,your single profile or your couples profile? Not that difficult to understand really. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Me and my wife been together for 20+ years and we have a very strong relationship.
My better half wants to experience the pleasures of meeting with a couple, however her nerves ends any potential meets in its tracks.
The one thing she's absolutely clear about, she doesn't want this ruining our marriage.
Personally I do not see any reason to why it would be detrimental to us but that might be me being blind lol.
Any advice?what's your reaction going to be if you arrange something and she backs out at the last minute? Sounds like you are pushing this and she's trying to tell you in her own way she's not comfortable with any of it. That will end up being detrimental to your marriage.
Lol you couldn’t be any more wrong if you triedWhy don't you enlighten us all then.
I’m not pushy in anyway, I would never pressure my wife into anything she doesn’t want to do, never have and never would, if I was to set something up and she backed out, then so be it, it’s not ment to be, so when I said couldn’t be more wrong, I stand by that.and how long has this been going on for? Your single profile is over a year old so did this come first or your couples profile?
Completely irrelevant actually it's totally relevant but you wouldn't be able to see that.
Actually it’s not because if I wanted to share our profile I would have done, not my problem you have a issue with thatwho asked you to share your couples profile? Try reading the message from on top your high horse before jumping to conclusions.
Private messages asking for it, I did say that but if you read the comments you would know that, bye nowwhich has got absolutely nothing to with what we actually asked you but dont let us stand in the way of that deflection.
I don’t think you know know what you asking,
Let’s say good night and leave it thereno it was quite simple. What came first,your single profile or your couples profile? Not that difficult to understand really. "
Short answer for you, not your concern |
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