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Best dad jokes/ or one liners

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

What’s everyone’s best dad jokes and puns?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If I don't see you through the week I'll see you through the window.

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By *ow ability pornstarMan over a year ago

Coventry

I Camembert cheesy jokes!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A farmer friend of mine was recently awarded the nobel prize.

He was out standing in his field

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Life is like a pubic hair on a toilet seat. Sooner or later you will be pissed off.

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By *eventysixCouple over a year ago

glossop

What did the left cheek say to the right cheek. Together we can stop this shit

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By *inell1Man over a year ago

Ipswich

My ex-wife laughed at my idea of making a car out of spaghetti and lasagne sheets...she stopped laughing when I drove pasta

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What did the piece of cheese say to itself in the mirror? Haloumi!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? beer nuts cost around a dollar fifty but deer nuts are just under a buck

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By *istalloverCouple over a year ago

Pays de la Loire -Normandie -Brittany borderFrance

Just been announced that

Karaoke wasn't invented in Japan

It was infact in India by Gerrupta Singh

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By *azylivingMan over a year ago

random location

What’s the difference between Clint Eastwood & anal sex………?

Clint Eastwood will make your day

Anal sex will make your hole weak!

(Say it out loud for full effect!)

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By *iceButtSlimMan over a year ago

somewhere

"A farmer friend of mine was recently awarded the nobel prize.

He was out standing in his field "

What did the Tractor turn into...

A Field.

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

My wife thinks I have commitment issues.

Well, I say ‘wife’……….

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Blunt pencils are really pointless.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a horny square?

An erectangle!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Bear.

Bear who?

Bear bum!

It's a good joke for circa 4 year olds!

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By *eavenNhellCouple over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

What's the differance between a Scottish prostitute and the lenghth Scottish football match ?

One is an ooor tuther is an ooor & a half

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Took the wife to a swinger's party only other person was my parents sister it was an anti climax

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By *amera man 25Man over a year ago

Honley Huddersfield

Two gay cowboys, first one says “Yup” second one says “Yep”

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I know a woman who works for a gas supplier.

D'you wanna meter?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why don't skeletons fart?

Because they haven't got the guts.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Viagra won’t make you James Bond but you can Roger Moore

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

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By *UNANDNICEMan over a year ago

Basildon

Hi there I’m bond uni bond I want to fill your crack

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What’s better than roses on your piano?

Tulips on your organ.

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By *7pete27Man over a year ago

plymouth

2 peanuts walking down the street, one was assaulted

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By *IG G77Man over a year ago

GATLEY

Never judge a man til you've walked in his shoes , after that who gives a fuck hes a mile away , and you've got his shoes

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By *he_PriorityMan over a year ago

Wakefield

What do you call a man that can't stand?

Neil

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By *opTanMan over a year ago

mischief

Don’t eat liquorice all sorts before bed,

Makes you dream about all sorts

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

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By *dventureSeeker23Man over a year ago

Leicestershire

Are you wi-fi? Cause I'm totally feeling a connection.

#cringe

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Knock knock

Who's there?

Control Freak

(continues)

Now THIS is where YOU say "control freak who?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Two fish swimming in a tank. One turns to the other and days "how do you actually drive this thing?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Two budgies sitting on a perch.

One turns to the other and asks "can you smell fish?"

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By *dventureSeeker23Man over a year ago

Leicestershire

My mates bet me that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful person here. How should we spend their money?

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

I once picked up a hitchhiking witch.

We’d driven for a few miles, when she put her hand on my knee and I turned into a lay-by

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dr Dr my arm got broken in three places

Well don't go there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Apparently I can't stop telling jokes about airports.

My doctor says it's terminal

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not mine but the ultimate dad joke

A man's son was born in the taxi on the way to the hospital so he named him Carson

I found this to be much amusing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A guy goes into the church confessional and says, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I slept with five different women last night.”

The priest says, “Go home, squeeze five lemons into a glass, and drink it all as fast as you can.”

“And I will be forgiven?” asks the man.

“No,” the priest says, “but it will wipe that fkn smirk off your face.”

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Who every stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you!!!

You have my word

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How did the intruder break into the house?

In tru da window

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.

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