"Absolutely get that but I guess I'm looking for some sort of connection rather than just the activity itself"
What the person above said is right though. There's no such thing as just 'getting into bdsm' really. It's far too broad for that, from the exhaustive list of possible kinks, to your limits within each, to the dynamic you'd like with those you play with.
Honesty it's unfair to expect anyone to walk you through it unless that's what they want, which is where the reading comes in. Figure exactly what you want, and more importantly what you can offer to the person you're going to play with, and then from there you've got three options:
1. Meet people *socially* at munches and play events. Over time you'll become a known face, and will know who's looking for what so can approach people at that point
2. Find a partner through traditional means, and be open and honest with them about your kinks, which they may or may not be willing to explore with you
3. Pay for what you want. This way you get exactly what you want, but there won't be any sort of emotional connection really
There's a lot of protocol in bdsm - at least amongst those who play seriously - and it's wise to read up on some of that before diving right in.
Hope that helps! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Absolutely get that but I guess I'm looking for some sort of connection rather than just the activity itself
What the person above said is right though. There's no such thing as just 'getting into bdsm' really. It's far too broad for that, from the exhaustive list of possible kinks, to your limits within each, to the dynamic you'd like with those you play with.
Honesty it's unfair to expect anyone to walk you through it unless that's what they want, which is where the reading comes in. Figure exactly what you want, and more importantly what you can offer to the person you're going to play with, and then from there you've got three options:
1. Meet people *socially* at munches and play events. Over time you'll become a known face, and will know who's looking for what so can approach people at that point
2. Find a partner through traditional means, and be open and honest with them about your kinks, which they may or may not be willing to explore with you
3. Pay for what you want. This way you get exactly what you want, but there won't be any sort of emotional connection really
There's a lot of protocol in bdsm - at least amongst those who play seriously - and it's wise to read up on some of that before diving right in.
Hope that helps! "
This says it all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dont want to demoralised you but if you think it’s difficult for a single male here!! Wait till you find a fetish site then you can multiply by -100 the chance to find what you are looking in the bdsm scene. Adding to that ratio your area you better need to be patient."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would like to experiment in the BDSM scene as a sub...any suggestions pro dommes damn expensive
Are they expensive or are you just cheap? Asking for a friend."
Money well spent I'd say.... |
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"I would like to experiment in the BDSM scene as a sub...any suggestions pro dommes damn expensive
Are they expensive or are you just cheap? Asking for a friend.
Money well spent I'd say...."
I’d say so as well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would like to experiment in the BDSM scene as a sub...any suggestions pro dommes damn expensive "
Some are expensive because it cost lots of money to be safe. They need to have lots of different tools, many whips, canes, chains, cages, lubes, replace faulty or broken toys, ones that can only be used once, cleaning and désinfectant, wardrobe etc…you could ask how much they spend on materials before accusing them to be expensive…. |
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"I would like to experiment in the BDSM scene as a sub...any suggestions pro dommes damn expensive
Some are expensive because it cost lots of money to be safe. They need to have lots of different tools, many whips, canes, chains, cages, lubes, replace faulty or broken toys, ones that can only be used once, cleaning and désinfectant, wardrobe etc…you could ask how much they spend on materials before accusing them to be expensive…."
Right! But also, like you can find plenty of pro-Dommes in your budget. Can you get one for £20/hr, no. But it’s not like £400/hr. Probably easily find one for £100-£200/hr and a guaranteed outcome of what one is looking for.
Save up for the things you want. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I would like to experiment in the BDSM scene as a sub...any suggestions pro dommes damn expensive "
Honestly not many established Dommes will want to take on someone who is”experimenting”.
A few Doms may, but that can usually be linked to the numbers game (more males than females in the scene).
If you don’t want to use the services of a Pro Domme, and I can appreciate why, you could look for fet events that have a House Dom(me) who may be willing to do something with you, however not all events have House Dom(mes) and they can get booked up quickly.
Otherwise you only real option is to make friends with people on the scene and see if rhey will give you want you want, but that will take time.
Personally, I’d not think twice about using the services of a Pro Domme if I were just testing the water.
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By *lansmanMan
over a year ago
Sheffield |
"Dont want to demoralised you but if you think it’s difficult for a single male here!! Wait till you find a fetish site then you can multiply by -100 the chance to find what you are looking in the bdsm scene. Adding to that ratio your area you better need to be patient."
I would argue the opposite...
FET is the site to join rather than FAB .
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dont want to demoralised you but if you think it’s difficult for a single male here!! Wait till you find a fetish site then you can multiply by -100 the chance to find what you are looking in the bdsm scene. Adding to that ratio your area you better need to be patient.
I would argue the opposite...
FET is the site to join rather than FAB .
"
No reason why you can’t join both.
You can learn from both, there will be lots of useful info on that other site, and you can join local groups to make local connections and find events. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dont want to demoralised you but if you think it’s difficult for a single male here!! Wait till you find a fetish site then you can multiply by -100 the chance to find what you are looking in the bdsm scene. Adding to that ratio your area you better need to be patient.
I would argue the opposite...
FET is the site to join rather than FAB .
"
?? That’s what I said… even joining fet doesn’t guaranty anything if nothing at all considering the number of male being subs. Or finding someone with the same interests. I have been many years and it need lots and lots of patiente. Maybe less for a male sub as they are so desperate they would do anything to catch a Domme attention. And fall for a fin Domme |
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"Dont want to demoralised you but if you think it’s difficult for a single male here!! Wait till you find a fetish site then you can multiply by -100 the chance to find what you are looking in the bdsm scene. Adding to that ratio your area you better need to be patient.
I would argue the opposite...
FET is the site to join rather than FAB .
No reason why you can’t join both.
You can learn from both, there will be lots of useful info on that other site, and you can join local groups to make local connections and find events. "
there is no reason you can't join both. There is some cross over but there is, also a vast difference |
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By *atkittyTV/TS
over a year ago
Richmond |
Lots of good advice here.
I trained as a pro Dominatrix in Japan and worked there.
The key was always the sub / domme connection without it the perception is the whips and restraints are just the props.
If you connect and there is control and submission, the mind enters a enhanced sensory state and all the many avenues you can go down are truly enjoyable.
As has been said I wouldn’t hesitate to pay for a great domme if you can find one. I never took on newbies. I’m on fet and I most of the messages I get are from sub guys even though I’m explicitly not asking for them so you will be one of many.
House dommes are a great tip too.
Asking your / a girlfriend to take control is a great step too. You might be surprised and there are some great books for her too if she’s interested.
Enjoy.
Kat x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Absolutely get that but I guess I'm looking for some sort of connection rather than just the activity itself
What the person above said is right though. There's no such thing as just 'getting into bdsm' really. It's far too broad for that, from the exhaustive list of possible kinks, to your limits within each, to the dynamic you'd like with those you play with.
Honesty it's unfair to expect anyone to walk you through it unless that's what they want, which is where the reading comes in. Figure exactly what you want, and more importantly what you can offer to the person you're going to play with, and then from there you've got three options:
1. Meet people *socially* at munches and play events. Over time you'll become a known face, and will know who's looking for what so can approach people at that point
2. Find a partner through traditional means, and be open and honest with them about your kinks, which they may or may not be willing to explore with you
3. Pay for what you want. This way you get exactly what you want, but there won't be any sort of emotional connection really
There's a lot of protocol in bdsm - at least amongst those who play seriously - and it's wise to read up on some of that before diving right in.
Hope that helps! "
Hi. I don't agree with your 3rd point. I have been seeing a black femdom for the past 4 yrs. We are like friends. She gives me everything and more. It just gets better and better and there is plenty of emotional connection there. Just depends on the person and relationship. We are very close even though I pay for her services. She knows me inside out and knows what makes me tick so to speak. |
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"Suggest you seek out proper bdsm websites and books. BDSM is not just ropes and spanking.
.
It's a start for some of us though  "
I agree. BDSM can be ropes and spanking if that's what you want. There's no "just" about it. |
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"I would like to experiment in the BDSM scene as a sub...any suggestions pro dommes damn expensive "
Because they are professional, and work very hard. At least you know you'd be in safe, experienced hands with them. |
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"I would like to experiment in the BDSM scene as a sub...any suggestions pro dommes damn expensive
Some are expensive because it cost lots of money to be safe. They need to have lots of different tools, many whips, canes, chains, cages, lubes, replace faulty or broken toys, ones that can only be used once, cleaning and désinfectant, wardrobe etc…you could ask how much they spend on materials before accusing them to be expensive…."
Exactly this. And one hour of your time could be 2 or 3 of theirs. |
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