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By *rs s!!! OP Woman
over a year ago
kidsgrove |
I know how hard it is for a bloke to get meets on here, with us women way out numbering you, so when my hubby found a fuck buddy I encouraged him to see her,........now they text each other all the time, regularly meet, and I know that neither of them are 'looking' for anyone else either! this didn't bother be at first, glad he'd found someone but its starting to affect us as a couple, he hardly wants to spend time with me, let alone has sex, encourages me to go out on meets so she can come over to ours, when I talk to him about it I either get my head bitten off or told i'm jealous!!
help!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know how hard it is for a bloke to get meets on here, with us women way out numbering you, so when my hubby found a fuck buddy I encouraged him to see her,........now they text each other all the time, regularly meet, and I know that neither of them are 'looking' for anyone else either! this didn't bother be at first, glad he'd found someone but its starting to affect us as a couple, he hardly wants to spend time with me, let alone has sex, encourages me to go out on meets so she can come over to ours, when I talk to him about it I either get my head bitten off or told i'm jealous!!
help!!"
Nothing wrong at all with being jealous. If he is being like this he would totally understand. You need to speak to him, what are you wanting? Just more attention or for it to stop? |
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How long has this been going on? Im asking because men are flattered bu attention. It could be like he has a new toy and hopefully will calm back down. On the other side of the coin, if it was my husband i wouldnt be best pleased. I may give him a couple of weeks to get over the "novelty" but then i would put my foot down. We dont know your situation, but if it has been going on awhile i think id be saying that i didnt want him to see her anymore |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"he goes all defensive and twists it on me whenever I try to talk about it.....listing the guys who I've seen (that he encouraged)
maybe I should give him a taste of his own medication?"
I wouldn't that is a dangerous game to play and could eventually break up your relationship. Playing games never works although It does seem to make you feel better for a short period. It doesn't remove the feelings you are experiencing now. |
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By *rs s!!! OP Woman
over a year ago
kidsgrove |
"I know how hard it is for a bloke to get meets on here, with us women way out numbering you, so when my hubby found a fuck buddy I encouraged him to see her,........now they text each other all the time, regularly meet, and I know that neither of them are 'looking' for anyone else either! this didn't bother be at first, glad he'd found someone but its starting to affect us as a couple, he hardly wants to spend time with me, let alone has sex, encourages me to go out on meets so she can come over to ours, when I talk to him about it I either get my head bitten off or told i'm jealous!!
help!!
Nothing wrong at all with being jealous. If he is being like this he would totally understand. You need to speak to him, what are you wanting? Just more attention or for it to stop? "
not necessarily to stop, maybe put the breaks on a bit, not send as many messages etc, but yeh more attention would be appreciated.....we got new toys the other day, he says he can't wait to try the wand out on her! |
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You're problem is, rather than asking your husband what's going on, wanting you to leave your home so is fb can visit...wtf...you're asking strangers what you should do;
Why do I have an image of Nero fiddling away whilst Rome burns in my head?  |
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"You're problem is, rather than asking your husband what's going on, wanting you to leave your home so is fb can visit...wtf...you're asking strangers what you should do;
Why do I have an image of Nero fiddling away whilst Rome burns in my head? "
Why is it such a problem, we all like to get peoples opinions on problems just in case we are blowing thongs out of proportion etc but I'm ginseng this isn't something she can go to her friends about...... |
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By *rs s!!! OP Woman
over a year ago
kidsgrove |
"How long has this been going on? Im asking because men are flattered bu attention. It could be like he has a new toy and hopefully will calm back down. On the other side of the coin, if it was my husband i wouldnt be best pleased. I may give him a couple of weeks to get over the "novelty" but then i would put my foot down. We dont know your situation, but if it has been going on awhile i think id be saying that i didnt want him to see her anymore"
about 3 months....he even wanted to go to a club with her tonight, which I was ok with until I found out it was school girl night (his biggest fantasy) and something we had agreed was just fit Y us, he told me to get over it basically |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She's just asking advice. Sometimes it's nice to mull things over with other people.
I agree with other poster. Don't go playing tit for tat , it will only prolong the problem in my experience.
I have to say when I first read this it sounded very much like cuckolding to me but reverse - for women.
Talk to him Hun x |
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By *rs s!!! OP Woman
over a year ago
kidsgrove |
"You're problem is, rather than asking your husband what's going on, wanting you to leave your home so is fb can visit...wtf...you're asking strangers what you should do;
Why do I have an image of Nero fiddling away whilst Rome burns in my head?
Why is it such a problem, we all like to get peoples opinions on problems just in case we are blowing thongs out of proportion etc but I'm ginseng this isn't something she can go to her friends about......"
thank u yes, not something I can talk to me friends.about, more like from one swinger to another, if u don't want to give advice don't comment! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds to me more like it has developed into a lot more than fuck buddies and maybe he is now not sure whether he really wants to be with you so you need to talk to him but be prepared for the worst as personally, I think its heading for divorce |
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"How long has this been going on? Im asking because men are flattered bu attention. It could be like he has a new toy and hopefully will calm back down. On the other side of the coin, if it was my husband i wouldnt be best pleased. I may give him a couple of weeks to get over the "novelty" but then i would put my foot down. We dont know your situation, but if it has been going on awhile i think id be saying that i didnt want him to see her anymore
about 3 months....he even wanted to go to a club with her tonight, which I was ok with until I found out it was school girl night (his biggest fantasy) and something we had agreed was just fit Y us, he told me to get over it basically"
You really need to sit down and talk to him, its easy for us to say what we would/wouldnt do but where not in the relationship |
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"You're problem is, rather than asking your husband what's going on, wanting you to leave your home so is fb can visit...wtf...you're asking strangers what you should do;
Why do I have an image of Nero fiddling away whilst Rome burns in my head?
Why is it such a problem, we all like to get peoples opinions on problems just in case we are blowing thongs out of proportion etc but I'm ginseng this isn't something she can go to her friends about......"
Blowing Thongs ? You lead a great life Evesham. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know your all right and I know i've got to be prepared for him to say its over...."
You should have the conversation right now. You shouldn't and don't want to be worrying all day. Get it out of the way. If he loved you he wouldn't go tonight. |
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"You're problem is, rather than asking your husband what's going on, wanting you to leave your home so is fb can visit...wtf...you're asking strangers what you should do;
Why do I have an image of Nero fiddling away whilst Rome burns in my head?
Why is it such a problem, we all like to get peoples opinions on problems just in case we are blowing thongs out of proportion etc but I'm ginseng this isn't something she can go to her friends about......
Blowing Thongs ? You lead a great life Evesham. "
You missed the ginseng one  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds to me more like it has developed into a lot more than fuck buddies and maybe he is now not sure whether he really wants to be with you so you need to talk to him but be prepared for the worst as personally, I think its heading for divorce"
That's a bit mean to post. |
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"I know your all right and I know i've got to be prepared for him to say its over...."
This is sometimes the downfall of allowing partners to be in touch with others, it's a dangerous game to play and although most people control it and will claim its fine to do so, you'll always run the risk of something like this happening. Feelings lust and emotions are a very powerful force.. And can even break love or marriage apart.  |
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"I know how hard it is for a bloke to get meets on here, with us women way out numbering you, so when my hubby found a fuck buddy I encouraged him to see her,........now they text each other all the time, regularly meet, and I know that neither of them are 'looking' for anyone else either! this didn't bother be at first, glad he'd found someone but its starting to affect us as a couple, he hardly wants to spend time with me, let alone has sex, encourages me to go out on meets so she can come over to ours, when I talk to him about it I either get my head bitten off or told i'm jealous!!
help!!"
Talk to him. This happened to me last month i lost the love of my life to her fab fb  So i feel for you and thats all i can say is hope you work it out and it all goes well for you xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just read all the comments , what a great community fab has .all the great advice and concerns .but I thought swinging was for couples to : play :together and have fun with each others consent , it seams to me that it is now developing into an affair .hope you both work it out . |
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"You're problem is, rather than asking your husband what's going on, wanting you to leave your home so is fb can visit...wtf...you're asking strangers what you should do"
In all fairness, I can completely understand why she would ask for advice on here. Sometimes when you're being made to feel like the bad guy, it can cloud your judgement and you can no longer tell if you're just making mountains out of molehills, so it often helps just to get an outsider's opinion...
And as she said, it's not exactly something she can talk to friends and family about without letting everybody know about her lifestyle.
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To be perfectly honest, I think he is seriously abusing your trust here. Swinging is a great way of adding to your sex-life if both partners stick to pre-arranged rules and boundaries, but when it gets to a point that he is choosing her over you, unless in a cuckold-type relationship, he has over-stepped those boundaries.
If he loved you enough, he would understand that, and as with most couples, if it ever gets to a point where one or both of you are no longer comfortable with an arrangement, then it needs to stop!
I'll admit that I am rarely a negative person, but from what you've said about his attitude so far, I can't see it ending well.
Bite the bullet, sit down and talk to him about it. - Be direct and don't be afraid to tell him exactly how you feel. - You just have to remember that YOU have done nothing wrong except given him your trust, and you're worth SO much more than what HE's giving YOU. *Hugs*
- Amy. xXx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a poly minded person I am going to post. Firstly your the primary. You should always come first and to be honest I'd maybe put it in a letter. Mostly because you can say all you want to without interruptions and he can't twist it.
I know that no matter how many others are involved in our relationship that I'm number one. And while due to the nature of our relationship I couldn't actually complain I can easily voice any concerns. And if master was doing things that we had always said were just for us, then it would hurt me.
Do you meet with the other woman too?
Maybe as others have said it's just a new toy syndrome. Are you into poly relationships, is your husband.
But mostly you do need to talk to him but not in a confrontational way as that will just cause a row.
If it was me I'd put on my most sexy clothes, cook something I know he loves and remind him of how much he enjoys my company. Then I'd talk .
Cali
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I also think he is abusing your trust too. The only way really is to put your foot down big time and put an end to it, completely.
Say you dont want to meet as singles, tell him and also tell her and lay off the swinging for a while. Or go to clubs and only play with each other.
Hes basically taken the 'swinging' label and using it for an accepted affair. |
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"I also think he is abusing your trust too. The only way really is to put your foot down big time and put an end to it, completely.
Say you dont want to meet as singles, tell him and also tell her and lay off the swinging for a while. Or go to clubs and only play with each other.
Hes basically taken the 'swinging' label and using it for an accepted affair. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds to me more like it has developed into a lot more than fuck buddies and maybe he is now not sure whether he really wants to be with you so you need to talk to him but be prepared for the worst as personally, I think its heading for divorce"
Hate to tell you this but i would have whistles and alarms going off if this was me.
xxxx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think like a few others you're going to have to sit down and talk it through together. These things need to be kept in balance with your normal domestic life together.
Wolf
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"I know how hard it is for a bloke to get meets on here, with us women way out numbering you, so when my hubby found a fuck buddy I encouraged him to see her,........now they text each other all the time, regularly meet, and I know that neither of them are 'looking' for anyone else either! this didn't bother be at first, glad he'd found someone but its starting to affect us as a couple, he hardly wants to spend time with me, let alone has sex, encourages me to go out on meets so she can come over to ours, when I talk to him about it I either get my head bitten off or told i'm jealous!!
help!!"
You both need to talk - and soon.
Tell him you need to talk soon but don't start the conversation until a date is set so that you both have time to think and he doesn't feel attacked on the spot.
This is a bit like a puppy not only being for Christmas syndrome.
I think there have been enormous mistakes on both sides. I know you posted but it doesn't make him all bad from what I am reading.
Swinging is something that can only take place in a strong relationship. It is to ENHANCE an already stable sexlife for ALL concerned.
It should NEVER be embarked upon to try and save a failing relationship where people think it will be the cement. It is - in cliched terms - plastering cracks. Unfortunately here it isn't plastering cracks it's revealing the rot behind the veneer.
I don't see how you could give permission for him to have a fuck buddy or he give you permission to have a fuckbuddy. He IS your fuckbuddy. You are HIS fuckbuddy. Other people should be extra to YOUR relationship not instead of.
There is nothing wrong with going solo as long as it's planned that each of you have funin equal measures and that minding the children is shared.
Are you not able to get a meet for one reason and another?
From what you write it seems to me that he is monogamous after all. Just a serial monogamist.
Talk ...... but be prepared.
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