FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > I'm a married man ...

I'm a married man ...

By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

Hi all, I know they'll be various views on this but I'd welcome any constructive replies. We all have our reasons for being on the site and if it looks like I'm likely to meet someone I'll always let them know my situation. I'm sure a lot of married guys don't but I couldn't do that. I am in fact happily married but there is now a complete mis match in our sex drives. We have chatted and nothing will change, so my question is what should someone like me do, apart from this I'm very genuine and do seem to get on extremely well with ladies, should I give up on ever having fulfilling sex again or give up on a marriage that's good apart from this. I recently met a lovely lady who now want see me because I'm married and I'm gutted. We only have one life and is it wrong to want to make the most of the one life we have??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Join the club ! Not easy...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you have chatted to your wife, how come she feels (if she does) that sex isn't important with you anymore?

Depends how deep you've been, when it comes to talking.

If one person knows the other values sex with them. How come the they think it doesn't matter how you feel about it?.....

That's what I can't get my head around with marriage and sex ...

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By *elshsunsWoman over a year ago

Flintshire

It’s your business as far as I’m concerned

but it does make things complicated ... I don’t want irate wives know king on my door if she doesn’t know what’s going on

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I would say mention on your profile that you're married and want to keep it that way. From that point on don't discuss it further. Don't mention your wife in connection with the site at all and just get on and do your thing. Some of the most popular men in the forum and off it are in your position.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple over a year ago

Halifax

Hi op,

Only you know if you've tried everything and therefore if it's worth staying with your wife.

Have you asked her permission to seek sex discreetly with others?

I'll say what I do on all these types of threads, always be aware that actions have consequences and if found out, be prepared to deal with the fallout of it.

Miss

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

To be honest it has never really been that important to her, I put up with it for years before I found this site and then discovered how sensual and fantastic sex should be with like minded people xx

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"To be honest it has never really been that important to her, I put up with it for years before I found this site and then discovered how sensual and fantastic sex should be with like minded people xx"

I'm not bothered about how people conduct their life, I'm really not but don't talk about your wife like this. Leave her out of the conversation, she has no right of reply

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

May I just say then, maybe it's time you went solo....

Like you said, life is important and living it the best you can....

I'm not against married men on here btw .....

I just think sex is a really important part!

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

Thanks Miss, yes I have asked permission but it's a no, she'd get to jealous and doesn't think I could see anyone for nsa with out emotions becoming too involved, she did suggest seeing escorts but that's too impersonal for me .. I'm a very tactile and sensual guy xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just be honest about it. People will either mind or they won't, respect their opinion. Good luck xx

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By *ickdasterdly51Man over a year ago

Lingfield

"If you have chatted to your wife, how come she feels (if she does) that sex isn't important with you anymore?

Depends how deep you've been, when it comes to talking.

If one person knows the other values sex with them. How come the they think it doesn't matter how you feel about it?.....

That's what I can't get my head around with marriage and sex ...

Unfortunately that's what happens. My wife and I are now mismatched, she knows how much it upsets me but is still not prepared to make much effort and when it does happen it's very begrudgingly. I've been offered a cup of tea with more enthusiasm. It's not just about the physical sex, it's about the lack of imtimy. We did discuss it about 18 months ago and she said she had no problems with me getting it elsewhere which is why I'm on here with her knowledge (although no success). Personally I'm looking for a threesome rather than a FWB as I don't want another woman in our relationship, I'd rather be friends with a couple. There are some real bastards out there who cheat on their spouses and there are others who feel desparately lonely but don't want to divorce for many reasons. It's not always black and white. If you don't want to play with a married man then fine, no complaints from me. But please don't judge what you don't necessarily know.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

Thanks .. I'm going to do that I think, I did once before but then sometimes you don't get a chance to explain that you're intact a decent husband that just has needs xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks .. I'm going to do that I think, I did once before but then sometimes you don't get a chance to explain that you're intact a decent husband that just has needs xx"

With each new post, you're moving further away from decent

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Thanks .. I'm going to do that I think, I did once before but then sometimes you don't get a chance to explain that you're intact a decent husband that just has needs xx"

Use reply+quote under the post you're replying to so we know who you're answering

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you have chatted to your wife, how come she feels (if she does) that sex isn't important with you anymore?

Depends how deep you've been, when it comes to talking.

If one person knows the other values sex with them. How come the they think it doesn't matter how you feel about it?.....

That's what I can't get my head around with marriage and sex ...

Can I judge you on how you talk about your wife?

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

Thanks Jessica xx

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

Wellinever .. of course you can, my wife is a lovely lady, just that not very interested in sex and only does it for me and not because she really wants to?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you have chatted to your wife, how come she feels (if she does) that sex isn't important with you anymore?

Depends how deep you've been, when it comes to talking.

If one person knows the other values sex with them. How come the they think it doesn't matter how you feel about it?.....

That's what I can't get my head around with marriage and sex ...

Thanks for the explanation.

I won't pry anymore.

I asked the OP, because I've always been single, never married. I was too aware about my kink fetishes - and how not many would be able to cater for my needs.

Last thing I wanted was a separation or divorce to go through.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"Thanks .. I'm going to do that I think, I did once before but then sometimes you don't get a chance to explain that you're intact a decent husband that just has needs xx

Use reply+quote under the post you're replying to so we know who you're answering

Thank you .. this is new to me !! Xx

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Thanks .. I'm going to do that I think, I did once before but then sometimes you don't get a chance to explain that you're intact a decent husband that just has needs xx

Use reply+quote under the post you're replying to so we know who you're answering

Thank you .. this is new to me !! Xx"

No problems, took us a while to find it

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"If you have chatted to your wife, how come she feels (if she does) that sex isn't important with you anymore?

Depends how deep you've been, when it comes to talking.

If one person knows the other values sex with them. How come the they think it doesn't matter how you feel about it?.....

That's what I can't get my head around with marriage and sex ...

I really do understand your situation, yes it's not just the sex it's the intimacy that we miss. I honestly believe when our sexual side is looked after we are in fact better husbands, my wife has a fantastic life style .. hope all works out for you

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/08/21 17:14:17]

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

"Hi all, I know they'll be various views on this but I'd welcome any constructive replies. We all have our reasons for being on the site and if it looks like I'm likely to meet someone I'll always let them know my situation. I'm sure a lot of married guys don't but I couldn't do that. I am in fact happily married but there is now a complete mis match in our sex drives. We have chatted and nothing will change, so my question is what should someone like me do, apart from this I'm very genuine and do seem to get on extremely well with ladies, should I give up on ever having fulfilling sex again or give up on a marriage that's good apart from this. I recently met a lovely lady who now want see me because I'm married and I'm gutted. We only have one life and is it wrong to want to make the most of the one life we have??"

The first question we would ask is how does your wife feel about you being on here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks Miss, yes I have asked permission but it's a no, she'd get to jealous and doesn't think I could see anyone for nsa with out emotions becoming too involved, she did suggest seeing escorts but that's too impersonal for me .. I'm a very tactile and sensual guy xx"

But you're going to go ahead anyway despite her telling you she'd have a hard time dealing with it.

You must really think the world of her

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By *apxxxWoman over a year ago

North Shropshire not Wales!!!ffs & Manchester

Op...do you get cuddles, kisses and affection from your wife?

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"Thanks .. I'm going to do that I think, I did once before but then sometimes you don't get a chance to explain that you're intact a decent husband that just has needs xx

With each new post, you're moving further away from decent "

Can I ask why you say that?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Op I've chatted with your wife she seems lovely

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find this tricky, on one hand I don’t agree with cheating, but on the other hand, I don’t understand one person withdrawing sex/intimacy/affection and expecting the other to deal with it. It’s selfish and unfair.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

But you're going to go ahead anyway despite her telling you she'd have a hard time dealing with it.

You must really think the world of her

I do but should that mean I go without good sex for the rest of my life?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Buy a rubber glove and 2 lb of margarine like I do

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"Op...do you get cuddles, kisses and affection from your wife?

Not a great deal, she loves me but never that exciting sex that we all know exists on here with like minded people. I don't blame my wife BTW, it's me that needs more xx

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"Buy a rubber glove and 2 lb of margarine like I do"

Lol .. and get the Tub to give you a cuddle !!

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

Thank you for your sensible comment .. I've taken my veris down but from those you could see what I have to offer .. just not needed at home and I need it to function xx

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I think this way too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is really common and there have been loads of threads on it recently.

Some women won’t care if you’re cheating, some will.

Personally, I’ve lost interest in sex in every long term relationship I’ve been in. Every time, after 18-24 months I’ve just been convinced I’m asexual. Then I break up with the guy and my sex drive comes roaring back. I’m now sweating off LTRs because I like sex too much to go off it again.

In fact there was a thread on here recently saying that it’s very common for women to be like that. That women need variety long term. Maybe your wife’s sex drive might come back if she were single

Here’s the thread if you’re interested https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/support/1183152

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"Op I've chatted with your wife she seems lovely"

She is .. just doesn't want much sex !!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think this way too. "

I really sympathise with both sides.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"This is really common and there have been loads of threads on it recently.

Some women won’t care if you’re cheating, some will.

Here’s the thread if you’re interested https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/support/1183152"

Thank you .. can I just say that she never had much of a sex drive, we got married and I thought it would get better but it never did xx

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I think this way too. "

It's horrible when you have so much to give and life's short ... xx

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By *panddaCouple over a year ago

West Mids

But you're going to go ahead anyway despite her telling you she'd have a hard time dealing with it.

You must really think the world of her

I do but should that mean I go without good sex for the rest of my life?"

If you think the world of her, are you completely honest with her?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is really common and there have been loads of threads on it recently.

Some women won’t care if you’re cheating, some will.

Here’s the thread if you’re interested https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/support/1183152

Thank you .. can I just say that she never had much of a sex drive, we got married and I thought it would get better but it never did xx"

Oh bummer. Marrying someone in the hope they’ll change never works.

She didn’t want much sex but you married her anyway, it doesn’t sound like she’s “withdrawn” sex and affection at all. It sounds like this is just who she is.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think this way too. "

OP has just said she never had much of a sex drive but he expected her to change

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

you say you are happily married but then say you have very different sex drives, so it seems you arent happily married, if you can live without sex, and the rest is enough, then cool, but if it isnt then i think you need to go it alone thb, otherwise you will start to resent her. hrd choice and wish you all the best what ever you choose, also think of your wife and her feelings, only you and her know the answer, if you can talk to her about it then that surely has to be the best place to start

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By *oudLoutishLoverWoman over a year ago

Colchester

I don’t mean this in an unkind way, because I too had a sexless marriage, but have you thought about telling her that the lack of sex is making you look for casual sex online?

I imagine that might let her know how deeply her disinterest in sex is affecting you.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I think this way too.

OP has just said she never had much of a sex drive but he expected her to change

I was young and not that experienced .. a lot older and wiser now !!

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By *panddaCouple over a year ago

West Mids

"I don’t mean this in an unkind way, because I too had a sexless marriage, but have you thought about telling her that the lack of sex is making you look for casual sex online?

I imagine that might let her know how deeply her disinterest in sex is affecting you."

OP doesn't want to answer whether she knows or not.

Guess it is up to him though.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"you say you are happily married but then say you have very different sex drives, so it seems you arent happily married, if you can live without sex, and the rest is enough, then cool, but if it isnt then i think you need to go it alone thb, otherwise you will start to resent her. hrd choice and wish you all the best what ever you choose, also think of your wife and her feelings, only you and her know the answer, if you can talk to her about it then that surely has to be the best place to start"

Thank you for your well thought out comment .. we have spoken about it lots but I don't think she fully understands but even if she did you can't change something that just isn't there. So i either have to accept it, leave or do what I'm doing. If I accept it I'll go without something I need and enjoy, if I leave that then causes so many other problems and my daughter will probably disown me or I do what I'm trying to do and be as discreet as possible and be a fulfilled husband? Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think this way too.

OP has just said she never had much of a sex drive but he expected her to change

I was young and not that experienced .. a lot older and wiser now !!"

But that doesn’t change what happened, and it’s very unfair on your wife to expect her to change, and to cheat on her because she’s not changed in the way you expected her to.

Did you ever talk to her about it? Have you ever said that you hoped her sex drive would increase? What have you maybe tried, in order to increase her sexual interest? Have you tried, or have you passively hoped?

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"I don’t mean this in an unkind way, because I too had a sexless marriage, but have you thought about telling her that the lack of sex is making you look for casual sex online?

I imagine that might let her know how deeply her disinterest in sex is affecting you.

OP doesn't want to answer whether she knows or not.

Guess it is up to him though."

Yes I have told her that, she just admits that she isn't that much into sex, she is trying but she's only doing it for me and not for her and that's then just false xx

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

Surely the wife that you think the world of would rather know the whole truth, and therefore be able to decide for herself if she is happily married or not.

Doesn't she deserve that choice?

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I think this way too.

OP has just said she never had much of a sex drive but he expected her to change

I was young and not that experienced .. a lot older and wiser now !!

But that doesn’t change what happened, and it’s very unfair on your wife to expect her to change, and to cheat on her because she’s not changed in the way you expected her to.

Yes we spoke often about it over the years, bought toys and tried lots of things but she only had sex I felt for me and not for her, even with toys my wife has never orgasmed .. God I'm laying my whole sex life out here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I am in fact happily married..."

I think you should be grateful for what you have and not try to scotch it with lies and cheating. If she's not an idiot, it's soon going to dawn on your wife that you're excuses for being late are going to be fibs. On the other hand, the person you're having sex with his going to get fed up of you sliding out of bed 10 seconds after you orgasm, pecking her on the cheek and disappearing out the door to your wife and daughter. Having a lot of sex really is not worth it.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

The first question we would ask is how does your wife feel about you being on here."

She doesn't know I'm on here, we've spoken but she doesn't accept you can have nsa sex with someone else xx

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By *rMrs84Couple over a year ago

Doncaster

For us you’d be a hard no. Your wife made a suggestion and you decided it didn’t work and went against her wishes. I know I won’t necessarily be popular (and possibly not accurate!) but I feel like you’re on a swingers site so you can argue it isn’t cheating but swinging.

Others opinions will vary but that’s ours.

Good luck with whatever you decide works for you though.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

Surely the wife that you think the world of would rather know the whole truth, and therefore be able to decide for herself if she is happily married or not.

Doesn't she deserve that choice?"

Yes I don't disagree but then that causes lots of far reaching ripples if we split .. at the moment it is a case of ignorance is bliss and I don't want to hurt her .. I know I am unknowingly, they'll be a lot of men out there like me, we not monsters at all xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

end of the day you will get a very unbalenced answer via the forum just because its a very small part of fab.

on the scene or the rest of fab you will find there are alot of couples and single women who meet married guys

if married guys are not wanted then howcome they get meets as for my personal opinion ill keep that to myself as im not here to judge anyone

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

Others opinions will vary but that’s ours.

Good luck with whatever you decide works for you though. "

Thank you, no I know its not swinging and I do know what it is I'm doing. You're fortunate that as a couple you have similar sexual needs and maybe difficult to understand what it's like for people like me that aren't that blessed xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You'll never get a pat on the back when you ask this sort of thing on the forum.

The truth is, there are a hell of a lot of people (both sexes) who are happy with their spouse but feel they are missing out/unfulfilled/sexual needs not met.

Only you can decide what to do going forward, but don't expect validation from here.

I'm neither judging nor condoning , I hope you'll be happy with whatever you decide

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"end of the day you will get a very unbalenced answer via the forum just because its a very small part of fab.

on the scene or the rest of fab you will find there are alot of couples and single women who meet married guys

if married guys are not wanted then howcome they get meets as for my personal opinion ill keep that to myself as im not here to judge anyone"

Thank you and sometimes guys are married for a reason .. they're generally the good ones !!

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"You'll never get a pat on the back when you ask this sort of thing on the forum.

The truth is, there are a hell of a lot of people (both sexes) who are happy with their spouse but feel they are missing out/unfulfilled/sexual needs not met.

Only you can decide what to do going forward, but don't expect validation from here.

I'm neither judging nor condoning , I hope you'll be happy with whatever you decide "

Thank you for your considered reply, I'm not looking for validation by any means, just putting it out there that we're not horrible people and yes you're correct but can be happily married in general, just missing the fulfillment good sex brings xx

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By *riar BelisseWoman over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

First thing you should do is tell anyone you start chatting to that you are happily married, so any lady can make an informed decision on whether she wants to carry on chatting to you, then you are not wasting anyones time

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But you're going to go ahead anyway despite her telling you she'd have a hard time dealing with it.

You must really think the world of her

I do but should that mean I go without good sex for the rest of my life?"

Yes, if that's what you signed up for!!

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"I am in fact happily married...

I understand but it isn't like that with me as I'm very fortunate as have a lot of spare time so can sometimes stay over etc

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I do that as it's unfair not to, I've now put it on my profile aswell xx

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By *eedsmale36Man over a year ago

Leeds

"Wellinever .. of course you can, my wife is a lovely lady, just that not very interested in sex and only does it for me and not because she really wants to?"

Any photos of her in just her knickers

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By *eedsmale36Man over a year ago

Leeds

But you're going to go ahead anyway despite her telling you she'd have a hard time dealing with it.

You must really think the world of her

I do but should that mean I go without good sex for the rest of my life?

Yes, if that's what you signed up for!! "

Your local, give him a sympathy fuck

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I am in fact happily married...

I understand but it isn't like that with me as I'm very fortunate as have a lot of spare time so can sometimes stay over etc"

Perhaps your wife doesn't want to have sex with a man she doesn't see much of

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There are women out there in the same position, I saw a lady for quite a few years

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Does it though? Think of the other couples you know who’ve split up. What makes you think your split will be more devastating, more world-ending than theirs?

You say your daughter will disown you. How many children of your divorced friends have done that?

People end relationships all the time. You’re not any more special than them. Relationships end, people move on, kids get past it.

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By *moothshaftMan over a year ago

Coventry

OP I could of written your post myself!

Soooo similar.

I'm forever wondering if there is a lady out there who is in the same position as us!

I make my being married no secret.

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

Surely the wife that you think the world of would rather know the whole truth, and therefore be able to decide for herself if she is happily married or not.

Doesn't she deserve that choice?

At least then the split will be a choice made by her after knowing all the facts, not those you wish to tell her.

Are you actually thinking that you are showing that you care for her by saving her from the truth?

The actual truth is that most guys like you are scared of the fallout, and simply want the best of both worlds.

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By *rMrs84Couple over a year ago

Doncaster

Others opinions will vary but that’s ours.

Good luck with whatever you decide works for you though.

Actually Mrs had a much lower libido than myself, we just enjoy similar things when we do match up.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

Surely the wife that you think the world of would rather know the whole truth, and therefore be able to decide for herself if she is happily married or not.

Doesn't she deserve that choice?

At least then the split will be a choice made by her after knowing all the facts, not those you wish to tell her.

Are you actually thinking that you are showing that you care for her by saving her from the truth?

The actual truth is that most guys like you are scared of the fallout, and simply want the best of both worlds."

Yes I think you're correct, I don't want to hurt anyone though tbh .. what I will sat is that there's a lot of people in a similar position to me on here, both male and female judging by the private messages I've had so either way it's good to chat about it as I've had this bottled up for so long xx

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By *xfordshireCoupleMFCouple over a year ago

Nr. Oxford

If you only have one life and are unhappy why stay? How are you going to feel 20 years from now? Will you regret staying just because?

Lily

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"OP I could of written your post myself!

Soooo similar.

I'm forever wondering if there is a lady out there who is in the same position as us!

I make my being married no secret. "

Believe me there are judging by the messages I've had .. it's a lonely place to be and us guys get such bad press xx

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By * and R cple4Couple over a year ago

swansea

"Thanks .. I'm going to do that I think, I did once before but then sometimes you don't get a chance to explain that you're intact a decent husband that just has needs xx

With each new post, you're moving further away from decent "

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"If you only have one life and are unhappy why stay? How are you going to feel 20 years from now? Will you regret staying just because?

Lily "

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Maybe speak to her op. It may be she’d quite like to meet others too and you can come to some sort of arrangement. My opinion is as long as you tell anyone you’re thinking of meeting to enable them to make an informed decision on whether to meet you or not then it’s none of anyone’s business. You don’t even need to have it on your profile as that itself apparently brings hate mail. You’ve kinda made it people’s business now by seeking validation on here though. Just do you, does it really matter what strangers think?

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By * and R cple4Couple over a year ago

swansea

"I find this tricky, on one hand I don’t agree with cheating, but on the other hand, I don’t understand one person withdrawing sex/intimacy/affection and expecting the other to deal with it. It’s selfish and unfair. "
We only have one side tho there are also Men and women that are just selfish and want the best of both worlds..

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By *inger_SnapWoman over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

You need to be upfront with people so they can make their own minds up.

It's really frustrating when you chat with someone and then they drop that into conversation.

I'm quite sure there are lots of people who are happy to play with you in similar situations.

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By *ustme1820Woman over a year ago

Southcoast Gosport

"If you only have one life and are unhappy why stay? How are you going to feel 20 years from now? Will you regret staying just because?

Lily

That's what none of us know but my wife doesn't deserve for me to destroy her life. It is only this one thing that is the issue but it's a big one for me, yes I'm cheating but generally I'm a good husband if my need for fulfilling sex can be ignored !! Xx"
and her life won’t be destroyed when she finds out you’ve been having casual sex just because you can’t go without op.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"You need to be upfront with people so they can make their own minds up.

It's really frustrating when you chat with someone and then they drop that into conversation.

I'm quite sure there are lots of people who are happy to play with you in similar situations."

Thank you and I have added it to my profile, the only thing is that if that's on your profile then you maybe won't be given the chance to get across the sort of person you are as a lot of people are very judgemental without knowing the actual facts xx

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"If you only have one life and are unhappy why stay? How are you going to feel 20 years from now? Will you regret staying just because?

Lily

That's what none of us know but my wife doesn't deserve for me to destroy her life. It is only this one thing that is the issue but it's a big one for me, yes I'm cheating but generally I'm a good husband if my need for fulfilling sex can be ignored !! Xx and her life won’t be destroyed when she finds out you’ve been having casual sex just because you can’t go without op. "

No I can't go without and neither can you else you wouldn't be on here !!

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By *ustme1820Woman over a year ago

Southcoast Gosport

"If you only have one life and are unhappy why stay? How are you going to feel 20 years from now? Will you regret staying just because?

Lily

That's what none of us know but my wife doesn't deserve for me to destroy her life. It is only this one thing that is the issue but it's a big one for me, yes I'm cheating but generally I'm a good husband if my need for fulfilling sex can be ignored !! Xx and her life won’t be destroyed when she finds out you’ve been having casual sex just because you can’t go without op.

No I can't go without and neither can you else you wouldn't be on here !!"
but I’m not married or having casual sex op, that’s not why I’m on here.

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By *panddaCouple over a year ago

West Mids

"If you only have one life and are unhappy why stay? How are you going to feel 20 years from now? Will you regret staying just because?

Lily

Sorry, but a good husband does not lie and cheat on his wife.

It is very disrespectful, and not the way to treat someone you supposedly love.

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By *agicfingers1Man over a year ago

near Brighton

"You need to be upfront with people so they can make their own minds up.

It's really frustrating when you chat with someone and then they drop that into conversation.

I'm quite sure there are lots of people who are happy to play with you in similar situations."

That's why I make it perfectly clear on my profile that I'm married with permission. I'm sure it stops people from even considering me but I'd rather be honest from the start

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By *panddaCouple over a year ago

West Mids

"You need to be upfront with people so they can make their own minds up.

It's really frustrating when you chat with someone and then they drop that into conversation.

I'm quite sure there are lots of people who are happy to play with you in similar situations.

The actual facts are OP that you are cheating on your wife and the main reason you don't tell her is simply because you are scared of being alone.

Seen it way too many times, but no matter how many times it happens it just does not make it right.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You need to be upfront with people so they can make their own minds up.

It's really frustrating when you chat with someone and then they drop that into conversation.

I'm quite sure there are lots of people who are happy to play with you in similar situations.

You're lying to your wife so it's ok to lie to strangers. It's just sex. If they don't want to shag a married man just don't tell them. Or else you'll just keep getting turned down and you will get no sex.

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By *pl4realfunmeetsCouple over a year ago

Somewhere in South Ayrshire

have you ever thought it might just be you she doesn`t enjoy sex with? maybe give her a chance of another man or woman. depending on her choice. then you can be honest and both have fun?

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

If you've started the discussions, then I think you owe it to your partner and yourself to reach an agreement about what you do from that point. It may take some time but you didn't marry for a quick jaunt.

The solution that you both agree to is going to be personally right for you both, even if it means that it's not a fully happy one. If you have promised you'll only ever have sex with her, it may be a massive thing for her to accept that you will not be exclusive.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think this way too.

It's horrible when you have so much to give and life's short ... xx"

I can see both sides, too. It’s easy for me to comment and only you know what’s right for you, OP! I left a sexless relationship. I never cheated. No intimacy for 5 years. It’s hard to imagine how positive you could feel, when you’re on that side of it, worried about hurting people & moving on.

Life really is too short & if your needs are not being met, it’s time to change something. Be honest with anyone new who, you meet on Fab. Be honest with yourself and be honest with your wife. You could be looking back on this in two years thinking, I know I made exactly the right decision to leave. Or, you could still be waiting to be caught out.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I suppose none of us can really help; it is impossible to fully understand the complexities of another person’s relationship.

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

"I suppose none of us can really help; it is impossible to fully understand the complexities of another person’s relationship."

It is impossible to understand, however the key is honesty.

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By *uenevereWoman over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I don't agree with cheating by men or women.

To me, a mis-matched sex drive shouldn't ruin a good marriage. My husband has a much higher sex drive than me but he has no desire to go elsewhere. It's something we have discussed and he knows he could meet others for sex if he wanted.

We love each other and there are other ways to be intimate and achieve orgasm.

Anyone who is really unhappy in a relationship, should have the courage to leave. Though I realise there's many reasons they don't.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If it was just for sex, why are you gutted?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I suppose none of us can really help; it is impossible to fully understand the complexities of another person’s relationship.

It is impossible to understand, however the key is honesty."

Honesty. And possibly speaking to a fully qualified professional who will validate your feelings and help you work through them. Much more productive than a fab forum - as much as we’re great! Haha

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"I suppose none of us can really help; it is impossible to fully understand the complexities of another person’s relationship.

It is impossible to understand, however the key is honesty.

Honesty. And possibly speaking to a fully qualified professional who will validate your feelings and help you work through them. Much more productive than a fab forum - as much as we’re great! Haha

Interesting you saying that, the kadt I recently saw was one of those but then she dumped me !!

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

If it was just for sex, why are you gutted?"

Because we connected on every level and not often that you genuinely find that xx

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I think this way too.

It's horrible when you have so much to give and life's short ... xx

Thank you, all of those thoughts go through my head xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Are you not using the forums to justify it to others but mainly your looking for a woman to say it's ok? Being here shows you have no respect for your wife...what if you looked at a profile and it was your wife saying what your saying?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I suppose none of us can really help; it is impossible to fully understand the complexities of another person’s relationship.

It is impossible to understand, however the key is honesty.

Honesty. And possibly speaking to a fully qualified professional who will validate your feelings and help you work through them. Much more productive than a fab forum - as much as we’re great! Haha

Interesting you saying that, the kadt I recently saw was one of those but then she dumped me !!"

Yeh - don’t shag your counsellor!

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"You need to be upfront with people so they can make their own minds up.

It's really frustrating when you chat with someone and then they drop that into conversation.

I'm quite sure there are lots of people who are happy to play with you in similar situations.

The actual facts are OP that you are cheating on your wife and the main reason you don't tell her is simply because you are scared of being alone.

Seen it way too many times, but no matter how many times it happens it just does not make it right.

I wouldn't be a lone ...

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"I suppose none of us can really help; it is impossible to fully understand the complexities of another person’s relationship.

It is impossible to understand, however the key is honesty.

Honesty. And possibly speaking to a fully qualified professional who will validate your feelings and help you work through them. Much more productive than a fab forum - as much as we’re great! Haha

Interesting you saying that, the kadt I recently saw was one of those but then she dumped me !!

Yeh - don’t shag your counsellor!

Too late lol xx

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"Are you not using the forums to justify it to others but mainly your looking for a woman to say it's ok? Being here shows you have no respect for your wife...what if you looked at a profile and it was your wife saying what your saying?"

I'd think wow.. she really dies have some sexyal spark after all !!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I suppose none of us can really help; it is impossible to fully understand the complexities of another person’s relationship.

It is impossible to understand, however the key is honesty.

Honesty. And possibly speaking to a fully qualified professional who will validate your feelings and help you work through them. Much more productive than a fab forum - as much as we’re great! Haha

Interesting you saying that, the kadt I recently saw was one of those but then she dumped me !!

Yeh - don’t shag your counsellor!

Too late lol xx"

Possibly beyond help then, OP! Time for you to do what’s right for you. Take care.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I suppose none of us can really help; it is impossible to fully understand the complexities of another person’s relationship.

It is impossible to understand, however the key is honesty."

I feel that is still a little judgemental. Honesty with yourself and with anyone you bring into your more complex circumstance is certainly important, yes.

If a new partner isn’t prepared to accept and enter into your (current) relationship status then that is their rightful choice. All you can do is move on, or change it.

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By *sm265Woman over a year ago

Shangri-la

From the point of view of a daughter whose dad was a serial adulterer, your daughter is probably far more likely to disown you when she finds out that you've been cheating on her mum.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"I suppose none of us can really help; it is impossible to fully understand the complexities of another person’s relationship.

It is impossible to understand, however the key is honesty.

I feel that is still a little judgemental. Honesty with yourself and with anyone you bring into your more complex circumstance is certainly important, yes.

If a new partner isn’t prepared to accept and enter into your (current) relationship status then that is their rightful choice. All you can do is move on, or change it."

Totally agree and thanks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd think wow.. she really dies have some sexyal spark after all !!"

You seem to hate your wife for not liking sex as much as you....enjoy the site x

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"From the point of view of a daughter whose dad was a serial adulterer, your daughter is probably far more likely to disown you when she finds out that you've been cheating on her mum. "

Think the easiest thing would be to get castrated !!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you only have one life and are unhappy why stay? How are you going to feel 20 years from now? Will you regret staying just because?

Lily "

I think this too

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By *atnip make me purrWoman over a year ago

Reading

It's a very difficult one. A mis matched sex drive is a big problem. But it's still cheating and i presume would devastate your wife if she found it. I'm not sure how you could put her happiness at risk. I would rather wank.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I'd think wow.. she really dies have some sexyal spark after all !!

You seem to hate your wife for not liking sex as much as you....enjoy the site x"

Could never hate my wife, she's one of lifes good people .. I'm just very frustrated.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"It's a very difficult one. A mis matched sex drive is a big problem. But it's still cheating and i presume would devastate your wife if she found it. I'm not sure how you could put her happiness at risk. I would rather wank. "

Yes but I'm a terrible Wanker !!

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"If you only have one life and are unhappy why stay? How are you going to feel 20 years from now? Will you regret staying just because?

Lily

I think this too"

Maybe .. maybe I'm just not strong enough.

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By *sm265Woman over a year ago

Shangri-la

I'd think wow.. she really dies have some sexyal spark after all !!

You seem to hate your wife for not liking sex as much as you....enjoy the site x

Could never hate my wife, she's one of lifes good people .. I'm just very frustrated."

But you will still risk absolutely destroying her?

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"I suppose none of us can really help; it is impossible to fully understand the complexities of another person’s relationship.

It is impossible to understand, however the key is honesty.

Honesty. And possibly speaking to a fully qualified professional who will validate your feelings and help you work through them. Much more productive than a fab forum - as much as we’re great! Haha

Interesting you saying that, the kadt I recently saw was one of those but then she dumped me !!

Yeh - don’t shag your counsellor!

Too late lol xx

Possibly beyond help then, OP! Time for you to do what’s right for you. Take care."

Thank you

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By *ablo minibar123Woman over a year ago

But on the other hand if your family finds out you are cheating on your wife behind her back your daughter may be even more likely to disown you, your wife has agreed to you seeing escorts, that may be a better choice to follow her wishes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Swinging is swinging, cheating is cheating. But good luck to you OP.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"Swinging is swinging, cheating is cheating. But good luck to you OP. "

Cheers fella

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

Maybe but that's not for me, it doesn't sort the sensuality side for me

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I'd think wow.. she really dies have some sexyal spark after all !!

You seem to hate your wife for not liking sex as much as you....enjoy the site x

Could never hate my wife, she's one of lifes good people .. I'm just very frustrated.

But you will still risk absolutely destroying her? "

That's the hard thing with everyone in a similar situation to me .. there is no answer that suits everyone !!

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I'd think wow.. she really dies have some sexyal spark after all !!

You seem to hate your wife for not liking sex as much as you....enjoy the site x

Could never hate my wife, she's one of lifes good people .. I'm just very frustrated.

But you will still risk absolutely destroying her? "

It's a difficult cycle to break when you find a woman on here that you really connect with and find 8ut just how sex should be ...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As someone who was cheated on by her ex husband, let me tell you it's horrific.

I understand the need for sex but you're risking everything for an nsa f*ck? Not all meets are amazing and you're risking your marriage for this?

Your wife deserves to know, then she can make the decision as to what she wants too.

You're discussing intimate details of your wife and sex life with an Internet forum full of strangers. If I was your wife I'd be livid. And heartbroken. And on the first train outta there.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Seems your not taking this seriously so maybe your wife is off getting better sex from someone else

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks .. I'm going to do that I think, I did once before but then sometimes you don't get a chance to explain that you're intact a decent husband that just has needs xx"

Difficult to reconcile 'decent' with dishonest. It sounds like you're trying to convince someone you're a good guy. But you can't be if you'd rather lie to your wife than make a hard decision. Sorry but that's just the truth.

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By *sm265Woman over a year ago

Shangri-la

I'd think wow.. she really dies have some sexyal spark after all !!

You seem to hate your wife for not liking sex as much as you....enjoy the site x

Could never hate my wife, she's one of lifes good people .. I'm just very frustrated.

But you will still risk absolutely destroying her?

That's the hard thing with everyone in a similar situation to me .. there is no answer that suits everyone !!"

Guess you just prioritise yourself then & hope you don't completely destroy your family in the process. Lies invariably get found out eventually though.

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By *egasusQMan over a year ago

Ashbourne

Mate, I’m truly gutted for you. I’ve been married and eventually deeply regretted not somehow having a discussion about it with her and making her understand how I felt our sex life wasn’t where I wanted it to be and could we please discuss how it could be again. It would have been a very difficult thing for me to do because it would have meant telling her about my sexual wants and at severe risk of her just thinking I’m just a pervert or wierd or something. But I should have done it. Because the relationship wasn’t right, it didn’t last and I really wanted it to. If I could go back, I would definitely talk to her.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe but that's not for me, it doesn't sort the sensuality side for me"

So back to your needs again.

Your wife gave you a solution many in your position would kill for buddy.

Escorts these days cater to all experience needs and kinks. If its the intimate kissing, cuddling etc you crave they do the girl friend experience and similar.

How old is your daughter now? Some teens can be as sharp as a razor so if she's older be double careful because if she finds out what your doing to her and her mum the fall out can be devastating.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hi. This is the Mr of the couple speaking.

As a couple one of our rules is that we won’t get involved with people cheating. Clearly states in our profile that we want single men only but doesn’t stop attached blokes trying. We always work out that they’re married but they only admit it when quizzed. Then we get “ I love my wife but I need more sex than her” followed by videos of them doing anal bareback with someone who probably doesn’t even know they are sharing the vids!

Talk, find a middle ground and go from there.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think this way too.

OP has just said she never had much of a sex drive but he expected her to change

I was young and not that experienced .. a lot older and wiser now !!

But that doesn’t change what happened, and it’s very unfair on your wife to expect her to change, and to cheat on her because she’s not changed in the way you expected her to.

Seems entirely possible you're the problem. She doesn't enjoy sex, with you. That rather contradicts your profile doesn't it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Surely the wife that you think the world of would rather know the whole truth, and therefore be able to decide for herself if she is happily married or not.

Doesn't she deserve that choice?

Read what you've just written. Would you say it out loud to anyone whose opinion you value?

I'd suggest that anyone so utterly lacking in empathy is more than likely responsible for the situation.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I think this way too.

OP has just said she never had much of a sex drive but he expected her to change

I was young and not that experienced .. a lot older and wiser now !!

But that doesn’t change what happened, and it’s very unfair on your wife to expect her to change, and to cheat on her because she’s not changed in the way you expected her to.

Seems entirely possible you're the problem. She doesn't enjoy sex, with you. That rather contradicts your profile doesn't it? "

There always seems to be a comment like that but I've never said she doesn't enjoy sex .. she just doesn't want or need it very much and has never been into sex particularly ...

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

I'd think wow.. she really dies have some sexyal spark after all !!

You seem to hate your wife for not liking sex as much as you....enjoy the site x

Could never hate my wife, she's one of lifes good people .. I'm just very frustrated.

But you will still risk absolutely destroying her?

It's a difficult cycle to break when you find a woman on here that you really connect with and find 8ut just how sex should be ..."

Harsh thing to say, but hopefully your wife will find out and treat you in the way that you truly deserve.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some very valid points here

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

Maybe but that's not for me, it doesn't sort the sensuality side for me

So back to your needs again.

Your wife gave you a solution many in your position would kill for buddy.

Escorts these days cater to all experience needs and kinks. If its the intimate kissing, cuddling etc you crave they do the girl friend experience and similar.

How old is your daughter now? Some teens can be as sharp as a razor so if she's older be double careful because if she finds out what your doing to her and her mum the fall out can be devastating.

KJ"

Thank you

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"Some very valid points here"

Yes .. that's what I was trying to gather ..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not bothered about how people conduct their life, I'm really not but don't talk about your wife like this. Leave her out of the conversation, she has no right of reply "
As far as I can see, he isn't bad mouthing his wife at all. On the contrary, he is saying he loves her and apart from the lack of sex, has a happy marriage, so I don't understand your comment ?

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I'd think wow.. she really dies have some sexyal spark after all !!

You seem to hate your wife for not liking sex as much as you....enjoy the site x

Could never hate my wife, she's one of lifes good people .. I'm just very frustrated.

But you will still risk absolutely destroying her?

It's a difficult cycle to break when you find a woman on here that you really connect with and find 8ut just how sex should be ...

Harsh thing to say, but hopefully your wife will find out and treat you in the way that you truly deserve.

Just saying how it was ... my wife would accept she's not bothered about sex ..

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I'm not bothered about how people conduct their life, I'm really not but don't talk about your wife like this. Leave her out of the conversation, she has no right of reply As far as I can see, he isn't bad mouthing his wife at all. On the contrary, he is saying he loves her and apart from the lack of sex, has a happy marriage, so I don't understand your comment ?"

Thank you so much for reading it exactly correctly .... xx

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

I'd think wow.. she really dies have some sexyal spark after all !!

You seem to hate your wife for not liking sex as much as you....enjoy the site x

Could never hate my wife, she's one of lifes good people .. I'm just very frustrated.

But you will still risk absolutely destroying her?

It's a difficult cycle to break when you find a woman on here that you really connect with and find 8ut just how sex should be ...

Harsh thing to say, but hopefully your wife will find out and treat you in the way that you truly deserve.

Just saying how it was ... my wife would accept she's not bothered about sex .."

She would definitely be bothered about your disrespectful cheating though wouldn't she??

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I think this way too.

OP has just said she never had much of a sex drive but he expected her to change

I was young and not that experienced .. a lot older and wiser now !!

But that doesn’t change what happened, and it’s very unfair on your wife to expect her to change, and to cheat on her because she’s not changed in the way you expected her to.

Seems entirely possible you're the problem. She doesn't enjoy sex, with you. That rather contradicts your profile doesn't it? "

I know that not yo be the case ...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm genuinely staggered how many people are wishing you good luck OP. I haven't seen anything so far that demonstrates anything other than a total lack of humanity, while trying to come across as decent. Being open on here does not equal decency. As hard as you protest, you're just looking for someone to validate your behaviour, which is utterly reprehensible. Advising you to do the right thing is clearly pointless. I can't believe you've convinced yourself your actions are OK.

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

Thank you so much for reading it exactly correctly .... xx"

The question is would she think that it is a happy marriage knowing the he is a cheat and has sex with others.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I'd think wow.. she really dies have some sexyal spark after all !!

You seem to hate your wife for not liking sex as much as you....enjoy the site x

Could never hate my wife, she's one of lifes good people .. I'm just very frustrated.

But you will still risk absolutely destroying her?

It's a difficult cycle to break when you find a woman on here that you really connect with and find 8ut just how sex should be ...

Harsh thing to say, but hopefully your wife will find out and treat you in the way that you truly deserve.

Just saying how it was ... my wife would accept she's not bothered about sex ..

She would definitely be bothered about your disrespectful cheating though wouldn't she??"

Yes she would but that would only open up a discussion again that can't easily be solved xx

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

"I'm genuinely staggered how many people are wishing you good luck OP. I haven't seen anything so far that demonstrates anything other than a total lack of humanity, while trying to come across as decent. Being open on here does not equal decency. As hard as you protest, you're just looking for someone to validate your behaviour, which is utterly reprehensible. Advising you to do the right thing is clearly pointless. I can't believe you've convinced yourself your actions are OK."

We would love to be brutally honest, but we would probably get banned for it.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I have not in the slightest convinced myself my actions are okay, it's difficult for someone like you to comment as you have no understanding of the quandary people in my situation try and deal with but thanks for you input xx

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"From the point of view of a daughter whose dad was a serial adulterer, your daughter is probably far more likely to disown you when she finds out that you've been cheating on her mum. "

Yep... it ain't just the spouse that feels betrayed, the children generally do too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But you're going to go ahead anyway despite her telling you she'd have a hard time dealing with it.

You must really think the world of her

I do but should that mean I go without good sex for the rest of my life?

Yes, if that's what you signed up for!! "

Indeed. Wasn't one of your wedding vows 'forsaking all others'?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Interesting. How would you know? As it happens, I was married, and apart from the mismatch in sex drives we were good. We were open and honest with each other and talked through options. We tried things, together. In the end we figured out we were in different places sexually and that it would cause an issue, so we made the hard choice and separated. With a mortgage, and our dog and our shared friends. All complications that would have been easier to leave alone. The difference between you and I, is that I had and still have enough respect for my ex wife to treat her decently. I wasn't a coward, and I didn't lie because it was easier. None of which is vaguely praiseworthy, it's just the expected bare minimum behaviour of a decent person.

I could not feel more sorry for your wife and daughter.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"Mate, I’m truly gutted for you. I’ve been married and eventually deeply regretted not somehow having a discussion about it with her and making her understand how I felt our sex life wasn’t where I wanted it to be and could we please discuss how it could be again. It would have been a very difficult thing for me to do because it would have meant telling her about my sexual wants and at severe risk of her just thinking I’m just a pervert or wierd or something. But I should have done it. Because the relationship wasn’t right, it didn’t last and I really wanted it to. If I could go back, I would definitely talk to her. "

Thanks for that, we've had the conversation but the sex part won't change .. sad as everything else is good.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I could not feel more sorry for your wife and daughter."

I don't disagree with you ...

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

Thanks for that, we've had the conversation but the sex part won't change .. sad as everything else is good."

Did the conversation include that you are a cheat and have sex with others.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I could not feel more sorry for your wife and daughter.

I don't disagree with you ..."

And yet here you are, actively hurting people you profess to care about.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You said you have removed your verifications on here , so you have already cheated on your wife ? Why do you need advice then , if your not matched you should divorce your wife not cheat on her ,

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

I could not feel more sorry for your wife and daughter.

I don't disagree with you ..."

But you can't be honest to them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"From the point of view of a daughter whose dad was a serial adulterer, your daughter is probably far more likely to disown you when she finds out that you've been cheating on her mum. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So what if in the future someone does what your doing to your daughter?

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

She has given you the option of sex elsewhere.

Not good enough for you though is it? You want a connection, sensuality....

So, your wife does have sex, even though she doesn't have much of a sex drive and you say she's only doing it for you.

Your wife is prepared to compromise, even though she hasn't changed in the sex department (you were just hoping she would when you married her) but you're not prepared to compromise coz you think you're missing out.

Counselling. Couples counselling, that's if you do actually care about her. To me though, it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself you're a good husband by making comments about her having a good lifestyle. What the fuck does lifestyle have to do with anything unless you're trying to quantify what you think you deserve due to what you put into the relationship financially?

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By *lan157Man over a year ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex

You are 47 OP. I expect your wife is similar age . Perhaps you should tell her about your solution to the problem and let her decide if she wants to look for someone else whilst she is still young and with half the joint assets make a go of it with another man.That would be fair wouldn't it ?

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

Thank you everyone that has commented, firstly I was not looking for any validation whatsoever or sympathy or understanding .. it was a case of putting it out there as I don't have anyone to discuss it with.

What I have found out mostly because of all the private messages I've had ( because people don't want to put their comments on here for fear of being lambasted) is that it's a very common issue for both men and women and also does seem that some couples and women don't mind seeing married men because of the quaranteed discretion.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"She has given you the option of sex elsewhere.

Not good enough for you though is it? You want a connection, sensuality....

So, your wife does have sex, even though she doesn't have much of a sex drive and you say she's only doing it for you.

Very valid points .. thanks.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"So what if in the future someone does what your doing to your daughter?"

Yes I totally get your point.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

I could not feel more sorry for your wife and daughter.

I don't disagree with you ...

But you can't be honest to them.

I have told my wife lots 8f things without actually telling her what I've done and explained how I feel and my needs. I'm a very tactile guy and she's not like that at all, it's been like that for many years but has only really got to me in the last couple of years.

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By *anshee99Woman over a year ago

all over

Tell people up front so you don't waste their time.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"You said you have removed your verifications on here , so you have already cheated on your wife ? Why do you need advice then , if your not matched you should divorce your wife not cheat on her , "

Yes I have but we are matched in many other ways, just not sexually which has become an issue for me.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"Tell people up front so you don't waste their time."

I do xx

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

Something else to think about...

You state you're gutted about getting dumped by a woman you were shagging.

Do you truly think you feeling negative emotions that spawn from "outside activities" is good for your marriage?

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

Thanks for that, we've had the conversation but the sex part won't change .. sad as everything else is good.

Did the conversation include that you are a cheat and have sex with others. "

Yes but not all of it but she thinks I couldn't have nsa sex without getting emotionally involved.

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

"You said you have removed your verifications on here , so you have already cheated on your wife ? Why do you need advice then , if your not matched you should divorce your wife not cheat on her ,

Yes I have but we are matched in many other ways, just not sexually which has become an issue for me."

We are sure you being a cheat would be an issue to her.

Shame the poor girl made such a bad choice.

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By *otsMan over a year ago

Higham

"If you have chatted to your wife, how come she feels (if she does) that sex isn't important with you anymore?

Depends how deep you've been, when it comes to talking.

If one person knows the other values sex with them. How come the they think it doesn't matter how you feel about it?.....

That's what I can't get my head around with marriage and sex ...

Thanks for the explanation.

I won't pry anymore.

I asked the OP, because I've always been single, never married. I was too aware about my kink fetishes - and how not many would be able to cater for my needs.

Last thing I wanted was a separation or divorce to go through.

Similiar situation, Have have met a few couples but no recently

I use to have a friendly couple local but when they both retired they moved away to the lincs coast.

Lovely couple very caring, sharing, non judgmental, although I did explain my situation.

We use to play here but not she's post a serious illness and can't play for her own health reasons which I don't want to go into.

Its very hard as a single chap here and worse as a married but playing alone.

I have her consent but I have barely exercised it and now its very hard.

Patience and hope is the key

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By *urvyBi-84Man over a year ago

Lancs

Been following this thread for a bit…

In my last relationship there was very little sex. It was a long distance relationship and opportunities were few and far between, but we made up for it by being intimate in other ways. As much as I wanted / needed sexual intimacy, at no point did I even consider coming onto a swinging site to hook up with random women. When I got the urge I had a wank. We eventually split up, however not because of the lack of sex, and we are still best friends.

My current relationship is open. My partner and I have agreed boundaries and we tell each other everything. If she is unhappy with me meeting someone then it doesn’t happen, and vice versa. This requires absolute trust though, which is somewhat undermined if you’re on a swinging site talking about how you’re cheating on your wife.

If you can’t have an open relationship based on trust, then try an escort. She has said she is OK with that, so there is your solution. I’ve slept with an escort before, there’s nothing wrong with it, and you can still build a connection and have that intimacy with them.

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"Something else to think about...

You state you're gutted about getting dumped by a woman you were shagging.

Do you truly think you feeling negative emotions that spawn from "outside activities" is good for your marriage? "

No I don't not at all, this is the emotional rollacoaster though, I see another lady who is just fantastic and than influences my feelings and I'm sexualky fulfilled but if I don't have that I become resentful towards my wife for not being like that ...

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By *sm265Woman over a year ago

Shangri-la

Thanks for that, we've had the conversation but the sex part won't change .. sad as everything else is good.

Did the conversation include that you are a cheat and have sex with others.

Yes but not all of it but she thinks I couldn't have nsa sex without getting emotionally involved."

The fact that in your original post you state that you were the "gutted" when the other woman ended it when she discovered that you were married, that suggests that you were emotionally involved so your wife is correct

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By *edtimefun OP Man over a year ago

Northampton

"Been following this thread for a bit…

Thanks for that ...

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

"Something else to think about...

You state you're gutted about getting dumped by a woman you were shagging.

Do you truly think you feeling negative emotions that spawn from "outside activities" is good for your marriage?

And the poor sad wife at home doesn't get a choice.

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By *ugRollersCouple over a year ago

Newcastle

Is it just me or is there more and more posts like this at the mo? I wonder whether lockdown has just knocked people’s sex drives or is it that men have just been in the house more with their wives and noticed the sex tap has switched off more ...

Me personally I’ve always had a high sex drive, before we were married and even still married over 10 years on... granted we’ve gone down from 3x a day to 1 haha but still to be honest I probably wouldn’t have married him if we didn’t share that intimacy from years ago. But when I read that people are not intimate any more I think you ought to question why? If suddenly my hubby didn’t want it any more I’d know something was up and start to question things ... or at the very least have conversations with him.

You need to speak to your wife before doing anything at all.... once you do something you’ll only feel regret, sex is over in an instant but a marriage is meant to be a lifetime

All of my hubby’s mates have come onto me and they all claim their wives aren’t sexual any more ... I’d love to hear the wives side of the story.... if it’s true ... I don’t look forward to getting in my 40s if my sex tap turns off hahaha

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"Something else to think about...

You state you're gutted about getting dumped by a woman you were shagging.

Do you truly think you feeling negative emotions that spawn from "outside activities" is good for your marriage?

Going by that I'd say it's time to pack your shit and split amicably and respectfully, coz it sounds like the only other way this will end will be really fucking badly with heartache, resentment and a messy divorce... and that's if you're lucky

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By * F 2018Couple over a year ago

shropshire

I get what your saying ...I had a friend female who's husband didn't want sex and I thought how can you not have sex for 5 yrs it would totally gut me but it works for them every one is different...today I had a message off a guy who was cheating and loved the trill totally different from your situation...im also on a menapauses group and the lady's talk about their men wanting sex and they have no interest at all but they also don't understand that men need sex even if they don't ....oops sorry waffled abit lol

Fox

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