FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Looking for some advice!?
Looking for some advice!?
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How’s it going fab swingers? I’ve been active here now for over six months and have had a few great meets and interactions however I find generally I do struggle to gauge interest and get replies from people.
I’m a genuine guy who’s come here to explore and have great fun with other like minded people and hopefully learn a few things and make some great ‘friends’ along the way. I’m open minded, happy if people solely want to just meet or equally enjoy the social side as well.
Any advice from the more experienced guys out there? And from the other side, the couples and the single ladies? I’ve got a huge amount to offer but really struggling here!! Be brutally honest too I like to know how it is!
Happy fabbing! |
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"How’s it going fab swingers? I’ve been active here now for over six months and have had a few great meets and interactions however I find generally I do struggle to gauge interest and get replies from people.
I’m a genuine guy who’s come here to explore and have great fun with other like minded people and hopefully learn a few things and make some great ‘friends’ along the way. I’m open minded, happy if people solely want to just meet or equally enjoy the social side as well.
Any advice from the more experienced guys out there? And from the other side, the couples and the single ladies? I’ve got a huge amount to offer but really struggling here!! Be brutally honest too I like to know how it is!
Happy fabbing!"
I've been on the site 10 years, look at how many verifications I have.
Sometimes you meet a couple and then get no replies and instablocked.
Sometimes you just get nothing at all not even read and blocked.
Don't use fab to find friends I guess.. 99% of the single women on fab are on other "dating" apps, and couples unless your meeting newbies and being their 1st (which seems to be my thing last year) your best off going to a club mingling around the bar |
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I have been wondering about the clubs as it’s something I’m interested in but thought it would be more of a couples invite as I imagine there would be a hell of a lot of single guys there otherwise?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You've been here 8 months and have had a meet.
It may have escaped your attention, but we've been living in a global pandemic for the past 18 months.
A lot of people still aren't comfortable meeting again just yet.
Even so, to have got a meet during that time, you're doing ok.
I think thus boils down to what your expectations were when joining the site.
Dial-a-shag this is not |
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By *nlyfun3Woman
over a year ago
NEAR Berkhamsted,Herts |
"I have been wondering about the clubs as it’s something I’m interested in but thought it would be more of a couples invite as I imagine there would be a hell of a lot of single guys there otherwise?! "
The clubs are now open. Each club works slightly differently as far as ratios of single men and when they can attend. My advice would be have a look at club reviews and forum club discussions. Go to the websites of the clubs that interest you. Look at the events they have on. Look at their membership requirements and their FAQs. Then go and enjoy the social fun that a club brings. If you want to do something, do it, don't wait for it to happen x |
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"You've been here 8 months and have had a meet.
It may have escaped your attention, but we've been living in a global pandemic for the past 18 months.
A lot of people still aren't comfortable meeting again just yet.
Even so, to have got a meet during that time, you're doing ok.
I think thus boils down to what your expectations were when joining the site.
Dial-a-shag this is not"
Yeah I definitely understand that, I’d say for a couple months I hadn’t been active on here at all and nor were others. I think it’s more the volume of tailored messages vs non-responses and of course i understand I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, I respect that and am not expecting anything from anyone. And definitely not looking for just a ‘dial a shag’
I feel I maybe need to understand what it is people look for. A friendly message, something more erotic? Everyone’s different aren’t they! |
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"I have been wondering about the clubs as it’s something I’m interested in but thought it would be more of a couples invite as I imagine there would be a hell of a lot of single guys there otherwise?!
The clubs are now open. Each club works slightly differently as far as ratios of single men and when they can attend. My advice would be have a look at club reviews and forum club discussions. Go to the websites of the clubs that interest you. Look at the events they have on. Look at their membership requirements and their FAQs. Then go and enjoy the social fun that a club brings. If you want to do something, do it, don't wait for it to happen x"
Thanks for the advice, I’ll be sure to have a look at the forum discussions on here  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I feel I maybe need to understand what it is people look for. A friendly message, something more erotic? Everyone’s different aren’t they! "
If only it was that simple. For us, a nice, respectful and/or funny message piques interest and leads us to look at a profile. Others want less chatty chat and more action. It’s the same when we message a SF that we like the look of. Think we have the tone just right and profiles match then no reply haha. Just the way it goes. Onwards we march. |
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I think its just the luck of the draw. Sometimes you can get replies and other times it's a block for no reason.
I think the key is not to take it personally and just soldier on. Updating your status, attaching a face pic, and just good manners is always a good start  |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"You've been here 8 months and have had a meet.
It may have escaped your attention, but we've been living in a global pandemic for the past 18 months.
A lot of people still aren't comfortable meeting again just yet.
Even so, to have got a meet during that time, you're doing ok.
I think thus boils down to what your expectations were when joining the site.
Dial-a-shag this is not"
This op |
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That’s an interesting point of view from a couples perspective, thank you!
"I feel I maybe need to understand what it is people look for. A friendly message, something more erotic? Everyone’s different aren’t they!
If only it was that simple. For us, a nice, respectful and/or funny message piques interest and leads us to look at a profile. Others want less chatty chat and more action. It’s the same when we message a SF that we like the look of. Think we have the tone just right and profiles match then no reply haha. Just the way it goes. Onwards we march."
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The status point is an interesting one, since I’ve used it a little bit more I’ve seen the views go up but not the messages. Always good manners, sometimes I wonder if that’s too ‘normal’ for people though!
"I think its just the luck of the draw. Sometimes you can get replies and other times it's a block for no reason.
I think the key is not to take it personally and just soldier on. Updating your status, attaching a face pic, and just good manners is always a good start "
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I think the fact the last 15 months have been in the middle of a pandemic I’m surprised you’ve even managed one meet. But going forward, your profile looks good so it’s going to come down to the message you send. Our advice would be to read the couples profile and tailor your message around that and certainly don’t just write a one line “how’s yous” type message. Half the battle is to come across as a genuine guy. If we receive a decent message from a guy who’s clearly read our profile we will always respond. It might not necessarily lead to a meet but it will increase the guys chance from 0% and the message just deleted if it was crap.
There are surprisingly a lot of guys who in a message would be up for anything but when it comes down to it they just dreaming so also trying to come across as genuine will help a lot.
Good luck anyway  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Treat everyone as a internet bot until you actually meet them.
Do not get into long drawn out conversations. Most lead nowhere and you are not their therapist.
Are they far away? 99% won't happen.
Forget mailing single women. It will be lost with the mountain she gets. Let them mail you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You've been here 8 months and have had a meet.
It may have escaped your attention, but we've been living in a global pandemic for the past 18 months.
A lot of people still aren't comfortable meeting again just yet.
Even so, to have got a meet during that time, you're doing ok.
I think thus boils down to what your expectations were when joining the site.
Dial-a-shag this is not
Yeah I definitely understand that, I’d say for a couple months I hadn’t been active on here at all and nor were others. I think it’s more the volume of tailored messages vs non-responses and of course i understand I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, I respect that and am not expecting anything from anyone. And definitely not looking for just a ‘dial a shag’
I feel I maybe need to understand what it is people look for. A friendly message, something more erotic? Everyone’s different aren’t they! "
But you're still giving the impression that you assume there is some maguc formula when thete really isn't.
You could have the best written profile, craft the finest message and have a good varied selection of tasteful photos, but if the person you're messaging doesn't fancy you, it's not going to go anywhere.
People join this site assuming things.
Firstly, they assume it's a sex site. It isn't. It's a swingers site and there's a whole lot more to swinging than just sex.
Because of this assumption, they assume that everyone on here is a nymphomaniac who can't get enough sex.
They also fail to appreciate the ratio of men to women and how inundated most women are with messages.
Expect nothing and you won't be dissapointed |
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By *ATHEDRALWoman
over a year ago
peterborough |
Ive had a look at your profile. Personally I do like to see a mans face and upper body naked. Men think they can score on cock pictures alone. Ive said it before. It gets boring!! You have a lovely body! I’d sooner see a strategy with a bit of artistry. A well placed towel or sheet. ?? If you get my meaning? |
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OP, there is no magic formula.
Some men do very well here but many don't.
I don't meet men on my own. As a couple we only ever meet single guys at clubs. Lots of single ladies prefer clubs for their safety.
If you're friendly and outgoing, clubs and socials are definitely worth a try. Just don't go expecting sex, go to meet people and chat and see what happens. |
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By *ATHEDRALWoman
over a year ago
peterborough |
Another great reply.
As a single woman. Clubs are definitely safer. And I’ve been and only stayed social. As I like a man who is well dressed smells nice and is fun to talk to and spend time with. The rest flows. If you don’t get this. You won’t do well even in a club. I definitely go for a Gentleman. A man who knows how to treat a woman.
(Why don’t some men think it’s ok to turn up scruffy) |
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"I think the fact the last 15 months have been in the middle of a pandemic I’m surprised you’ve even managed one meet. But going forward, your profile looks good so it’s going to come down to the message you send. Our advice would be to read the couples profile and tailor your message around that and certainly don’t just write a one line “how’s yous” type message. Half the battle is to come across as a genuine guy. If we receive a decent message from a guy who’s clearly read our profile we will always respond. It might not necessarily lead to a meet but it will increase the guys chance from 0% and the message just deleted if it was crap.
There are surprisingly a lot of guys who in a message would be up for anything but when it comes down to it they just dreaming so also trying to come across as genuine will help a lot.
Good luck anyway "
Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated. |
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"You've been here 8 months and have had a meet.
It may have escaped your attention, but we've been living in a global pandemic for the past 18 months.
A lot of people still aren't comfortable meeting again just yet.
Even so, to have got a meet during that time, you're doing ok.
I think thus boils down to what your expectations were when joining the site.
Dial-a-shag this is not
Yeah I definitely understand that, I’d say for a couple months I hadn’t been active on here at all and nor were others. I think it’s more the volume of tailored messages vs non-responses and of course i understand I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, I respect that and am not expecting anything from anyone. And definitely not looking for just a ‘dial a shag’
I feel I maybe need to understand what it is people look for. A friendly message, something more erotic? Everyone’s different aren’t they!
But you're still giving the impression that you assume there is some maguc formula when thete really isn't.
You could have the best written profile, craft the finest message and have a good varied selection of tasteful photos, but if the person you're messaging doesn't fancy you, it's not going to go anywhere.
People join this site assuming things.
Firstly, they assume it's a sex site. It isn't. It's a swingers site and there's a whole lot more to swinging than just sex.
Because of this assumption, they assume that everyone on here is a nymphomaniac who can't get enough sex.
They also fail to appreciate the ratio of men to women and how inundated most women are with messages.
Expect nothing and you won't be dissapointed"
It’s interesting you get that impression so thanks for the feedback.
I absolutely agree there is no magic formula. I fully understand as I’ve said before I may not be everyone’s cup of tea and I respect that 100%, I’m not pushy in anyway and as I said in my OP the main struggle I am finding is getting replies to messages so I’m looking for some advice so I can improve in anyway I can.
In terms of what I’m looking for, some substance and quality over quantity. To add something to a couples relationship I’m not here to try and sleep with as many people as I can. I fully understand this is a swinging site and that’s what I’m here for.
To be a women (or a couple) on here is another matter completely! It must be a full time job getting through the volume of messages  |
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"Ive had a look at your profile. Personally I do like to see a mans face and upper body naked. Men think they can score on cock pictures alone. Ive said it before. It gets boring!! You have a lovely body! I’d sooner see a strategy with a bit of artistry. A well placed towel or sheet. ?? If you get my meaning?"
Thank you for the feedback! It’s interesting you say that as I do have an image on my friends only of a well placed towel and face shot! Like many others here I do not have a face photo for all to see but I do send one with EVERY first message that I choose to send. I’ll look to review my main photos, thank you. |
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"OP, there is no magic formula.
Some men do very well here but many don't.
I don't meet men on my own. As a couple we only ever meet single guys at clubs. Lots of single ladies prefer clubs for their safety.
If you're friendly and outgoing, clubs and socials are definitely worth a try. Just don't go expecting sex, go to meet people and chat and see what happens. "
Perfect, thank you! I’m looking for the social aspect as well even to just have normal conversations with people as well as learning more about the swinging scene so for me the clubs sound like they would be an excellent night out! Is there limitations on the amount of single guys who can attend though? |
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By *rufflesCouple
over a year ago
manchester |
"How’s it going fab swingers? I’ve been active here now for over six months and have had a few great meets and interactions however I find generally I do struggle to gauge interest and get replies from people.
I’m a genuine guy who’s come here to explore and have great fun with other like minded people and hopefully learn a few things and make some great ‘friends’ along the way. I’m open minded, happy if people solely want to just meet or equally enjoy the social side as well.
Any advice from the more experienced guys out there? And from the other side, the couples and the single ladies? I’ve got a huge amount to offer but really struggling here!! Be brutally honest too I like to know how it is!
Happy fabbing!"
So, you have been active for over 6 monts..correct me if i am wrong, but wasnt we in lockdown during most of that time? Might also be an indication of lack of response???? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fab is a marathon not a sprint so you have to be prepared for the long haul. If you’re active daily eventually you will build your network and things start to happen "
This guy knows his stuff. He's met some cracking women |
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"How’s it going fab swingers? I’ve been active here now for over six months and have had a few great meets and interactions however I find generally I do struggle to gauge interest and get replies from people.
I’m a genuine guy who’s come here to explore and have great fun with other like minded people and hopefully learn a few things and make some great ‘friends’ along the way. I’m open minded, happy if people solely want to just meet or equally enjoy the social side as well.
Any advice from the more experienced guys out there? And from the other side, the couples and the single ladies? I’ve got a huge amount to offer but really struggling here!! Be brutally honest too I like to know how it is!
Happy fabbing!
So, you have been active for over 6 monts..correct me if i am wrong, but wasnt we in lockdown during most of that time? Might also be an indication of lack of response????"
Yes that’s correct so it more so since people have started to become more active on the site over the past couple of months, I also generally only message people who have been online recently or are online at the time with similar interests etc.
I do steer clear from messaging anyone who hasn’t been active for a while. I was also quite clear in my profile during lockdown I was only interested in chat and getting to know people so certainly expected the same from others.
I guess naively when comparing to previous years ‘dating’ I thought there may be more conversation here as theres a common interest but I think it’s actually harder than the dating apps to have a flowing conversation! |
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"Fab is a marathon not a sprint so you have to be prepared for the long haul. If you’re active daily eventually you will build your network and things start to happen "
Wise words thank you! Appreciate it and well endorsed by the comment below also! I am definitely in it for the long haul so this gives me some confidence thank you! |
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"OP, there is no magic formula.
Some men do very well here but many don't.
I don't meet men on my own. As a couple we only ever meet single guys at clubs. Lots of single ladies prefer clubs for their safety.
If you're friendly and outgoing, clubs and socials are definitely worth a try. Just don't go expecting sex, go to meet people and chat and see what happens.
Perfect, thank you! I’m looking for the social aspect as well even to just have normal conversations with people as well as learning more about the swinging scene so for me the clubs sound like they would be an excellent night out! Is there limitations on the amount of single guys who can attend though? "
It depends on the club and the night. The website will give you all the information you need.
If it's not a dress down club, I reccomend at least smart casual wear.
I've found clubs to be really friendly and welcoming. Tell them it's your first visit and you should get a tour, plus a reminder about etiquette.
Don't be a wanking zombie |
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"Fab is a marathon not a sprint so you have to be prepared for the long haul. If you’re active daily eventually you will build your network and things start to happen
This guy knows his stuff. He's met some cracking women"
I’ve been very fortunate  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s interesting you get that impression so thanks for the feedback.
I absolutely agree there is no magic formula. I fully understand as I’ve said before I may not be everyone’s cup of tea and I respect that 100%, I’m not pushy in anyway and as I said in my OP the main struggle I am finding is getting replies to messages so I’m looking for some advice so I can improve in anyway I can."
This is what I was getting at.
We're all in a similar position. Many of our messages are either deleted, ignored or read but without a reply.
There is no guaranteed method to get a reply. Someone will either reply, or they won't. It's entirely THEIR choice and NOTHING you can do will in any way change that.
What I was trying to explain, and obviously didn't do well enough, is that you have to alter your mindset.
Stop worrying about whether you can get a reply and just accept that some will wish to engage with you and others won't.
You can only be you.
There are so many that come on the forum asking what they need to do, what they need to change in order to get more replies - and by asking this they demonstrate that they have completely missed the point.
It's not about what people WANT to see on YOUR profile, or in YOUR message.
Be you. Nobody else can be. |
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"I would expand your bio and get rid of the results thing.
I like it when someone refers to something I have written in my profile, and they state why they might be what I'm looking for."
Thanks for the advice Mimi, |
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